The Story of Us
by Beautiful1Disaster
Summary: The past four years have built up to the moment that will define everything for Damon and Elena. When reality comes crashing down around them, they find themselves looking back on the past and trying to decide where to go from here. AU. AH.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now**

Elena Gilbert stood outside of the penthouse suite in the Four Seasons, wringing her hands together in front of her stomach. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest as she waited for the door to open. The rest of her life would be determined based on what happened on the other side of that door. This would be it. This would be the moment that the past 8 years of her life had been building toward.

If things went her way, she would be causing another woman more pain than she had ever wanted to. If things turned out right, she would be ruining someone's wedding day. But if things went wrong, if he crushed her, he would be slipping a wedding band onto another woman's finger today. She would be forced to accept a harsh reality that she'd been avoiding.

To say that this was not how she expected to find herself at 26 years old would be the understatement of the century. Elena had pictured a lot of things for her life, but begging another man to pick her and walk away from a wonderful woman on his wedding day was never part of the plan.

At 22, she pictured book tours and seeing her name on the New York Times Bestsellers list. At 23, she pictured him and babies. At 24, she pictured a day where she wouldn't be consumed with so much pain that she wanted to end it all. At 25, she pictured getting her life back together, and the dreams of being an author floated back into her mind. Now, at 26, she pictured it all. She pictured a life that meant something, novels, and him.

At the end of it all, she pictured him.

She froze as she heard footsteps on the other side of the large door, and suddenly, she was face to face with him. It was obvious, from his wide eyes and parted mouth that she was the last person he expected to find on the other side of the door. "Elena," he breathed out, clearly at a loss for words.

"Hi," she practically choked on her own words and her hands were practically rubbed raw from the furious wringing of her fingers. "You look nice," were the only words her brain could form, as she stared at him in his custom maid Ralph Lauren suit. He hadn't put the coat on yet, always preferring to leave it off until the last possible moment. His shirt wasn't buttoned up all the way, and his tie was hanging loosely around his neck. He looked breathtaking.

"Why are you here?" he finally asked her after a few moments of tension filled silence.

A million different explanations and apologies ran through her head at lighting speed, but none of them felt right or sounded right, especially standing in the hallway of the hotel. She tried to glance behind him to see if he was alone or not, but when she couldn't tell for sure, she settled on a single question. "Can I come in?"

"Why?"

She felt a small piece of hope die inside at the sound of his distant voice, void of the love and devotion it held for her long ago. "I know that I don't have a right to be here, but please just give me five minutes. After that, you can tell me whatever you want, I'm just asking for five minutes."

She could see a silent war raging behind his eyes, but his body remained impassive, his face frozen. When she was beginning to think that he might close the door in her face and turn her away without the chance to say anything, he stepped aside for her to enter the suite. With her heart lodged in her throat, she slid past him and entered the grand penthouse that appeared empty.

"Alaric is out getting the rings and my brother is feeding Sawyer," he explained after she looked around the empty suite. She could feel his eyes on her as she made her way over to the wall of windows that overlooked Central Park. "You said you wanted five minutes," he told her when she continued to stare out at the city.

She didn't turn around to face him as she began speaking. "Do you remember when we first met? I could barely speak because I was so captivated by you. You were angry and rude, and I should have been so offended by you, but there was still just something about you, just under the surface, that drew me in. For four years, you've drawn me in."

"What are you getting at, Elena?" Like always, he dove straight toward the point. He didn't want pretty words or explanations, just the solid truth.

"You can't do this," she blurted out, turning on her heel to face him head-on. "Don't marry her."

He was silent for a moment, watching her with a combination of utter shock and a slight sign of anger. "That's what you want to talk about? You wait until 3 hours before I'm supposed to get married to come and tell me not to do it? That's why you're here?"

"No," she instantly replied, but then shook her head. "Yes. I know this is the absolute worst time for me to do this, but I couldn't let you get married today without at least telling you how I feel and trying to fix this."

Suddenly he blew out a laugh that held anything but amusement, instead it was tight and angry, and when he looked at her, he rolled his eyes, like he couldn't believe this was really happening. "God, this is exactly like you," he groaned. "After everything you've pulled in the last four years, I think this takes the cake. This is my wedding day, Elena. _My wedding day_."

It was a reaction she was expecting, had told herself she was fully prepared for, but the pure anger in his voice still hurt. "I know this isn't the right time –"

"Right time?" he cut her off before she could continue any further. "That's a complete understatement. You've had three years to fix _this_."

"I tried to fix this. I've tried to fix this for a year."

"There wouldn't have been anything to fix if you hadn't left."

"And I've apologized for that!" She immediately snapped her eyes shut and released a strangled breath before lowering her voice. "I don't want to fight. I didn't come here to fight."

"Then why did you come? I've been engaged for six months." She opened her eyes to see him shaking his head, looking tired and resigned to the situation at hand. "Why now?"

"I know," she acknowledged quietly, guilt evident in her voice. "But I just thought you proposed to hurt me. I thought you'd end it all. I guess I just expected that you'd show up one day and tell me that you'd broken it off."

"There was nothing to break off." His words weren't angry or harsh, just matter of fact, and somehow that hurt more. "I proposed because I love her."

She did her best to inhale deeply, trying to prepare herself for what she was about to say. With timid movements, she stepped toward him, a pleading look in her eyes. "I never should have walked out that night. I should have stayed and fought harder, but I gave up, and I have regretted that every day since. I've spent three years filled with regret over walking out that door."

"But you did walk out, no amount of regret can take that back."

"I know," she admitted softly, tears stinging the back of her eyes. "And that's why I'm here, because I can't live the rest of my life regretting it anymore. I messed up and I was too scared to admit it, and then when I came back, I didn't want to push too hard. I didn't want to push you further away, but how can I live with myself if I let you marry her without ever just being completely honest with you about how I feel."

"What do you want to say?"

Seeing the question as the only genuine opening she was going to get, she took another step forward, letting some momentum build up inside of her. After three years, she finally had her chance to make it right. This was her last chance and if she messed it up, it was all over, forever. He would walk out that door in a few hours and marry another woman, leaving her alone and heartbroken, much like she'd done to him all those years ago.

"I love you." Her eyes locked onto his as she took another step toward him, feeling more confident than she had since she stepped in the room. "I've loved you for four years, and I've wasted so much of that time, and the thought of losing you forever makes me feel broken. So, I'm here, and I'm asking you not to marry her if there's still a chance for us. I've spent three years with a hole inside of me since I walked out that night, but six months ago, you made me whole again. You make me whole."

"Elena," he shook his head, his eyes filled with pain and apprehension, but she pressed on.

She reached out for his hand and clasped it against her chest. "You let met walk out that door three years ago, in search of the space I thought I needed. You let me break your heart and go to Chicago. That's what real love is. It's breaking your own heart for the chance that the person you love might find happiness. You loved me enough to let me go. And if you really love her – if I've really lost you forever, then I will let you go. If she makes you happy, and she's who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I will walk away today and bury it all, but I'm standing here begging you to not marry her, if you still love me."

"I just – I don't," he stumbled on his words, something that she rarely saw him do. The strong, confident man he normally was, now seemed confused and almost lost. She knew it was wrong of her to do this to him on his wedding day, he deserved better than that. She should have said this all sooner. She should have said it three years ago, but she hadn't, and now she didn't have a choice.

"Tell me that she consumes you the way that I did. Tell me that she makes you feel just half of what I made you feel and I'll leave right now, because I love you that much." The tears were freely flowing down her face now, but she didn't wipe them away. "I love you, Damon Salvatore, more than anything in this world. Do you love me?"

He opened his mouth to speak, and her heart stopped beating, scared for the answer that she was about to receive. How he responded to that question would change everything. It would change her.

The front door slammed, jerking Elena and Damon from each other and the answer he was about to give her. Stefan stood just inside the suite, a chilly look on his face as he glanced between his brother and the woman that had broken his heart. He was silent as he took in the site, and she knew that he was not happy to find her here.

The easy friendship that she'd once had with Stefan was gone. He'd never been rude to her after she returned from Chicago, but he was no longer warm and welcoming. When sides were chosen in the demise of the relationship, he had unwaveringly chosen his brother's side, as he should have. And when she'd returned, he'd made it clear that he would not let her hurt Damon again, and that she'd have to go through him to do it.

Finally, he stepped forward and his eyes were locked on Damon's. A silent conversation passed between the brothers that she would never be able to decipher. One look conveyed more than she would ever understand, but they understood what was being said, and soon, Stefan's gaze was pinned on her. "Elena, I think it would be best if you left."

She looked to Damon, anxious to see his reaction to his brother's words, but he didn't have much of one, not until he turned to her. He looked to her, his eyes filled with more emotion than she thought possible. "I'm sorry," he told her quietly as he removed his hand from her grasp.

Her heart plummeted into her stomach, and a lump grew in her throat, as she felt her last piece of hope completely dashed. This was it, after four years, this was how it all ended, in a hotel suite hours away from a wedding that was never really supposed to happen. All of her choices had led her to this moment, one she had hoped would be the beginning of a new chapter of their story, but instead turned out to be the Epilogue.

It was over.

With a choked voice and tears clouding her vision, she shook her head, trying to appear as strong as possible, but her movements were jerky and she was barely held together. She gave her best effort of offering him what she hoped was a gentle smile.

"Be happy, Damon." She leaned forward, her hand coming to rest gently against his neck, and for the final time, she pressed her lips against his cheek. Her salty tears mixed with the kiss, and she kept it simple, pulling back far sooner than she wanted to. His eyes stayed locked on hers as she opened her mouth and spoke her last words. "That's all I've ever wanted for you. Congratulations."

She rushed past Stefan, who was still standing in the same spot, his body rigid. Neither brother said anything as she opened the door and fled into the hallway. Her legs were shaky as she tried to push herself to the elevator. It took every amount of strength she had to make it there, and once the doors opened, she flung herself inside and collapsed against the wall.

A heaving sob fell from her lips and she clutched at her stomach as she doubled over in the small space. It was all over. She'd given it one last shot to try and make it all better, to make him see that she really loved him, but it hadn't worked. He didn't choose her. He wasn't going to marry _her_. In a few hours he would be someone else's husband, and lost to her forever.

And the worst part of it all was that she couldn't blame him for any of it. She was the one that had left when he begged her not to. She was the one that didn't come home, even when she'd realized that she'd made a mistake. She was the one that let her pain consume her to the point that it nearly broke him. She did this. She was the only one that she could be mad at.

It was a harsh reality to face, but as the doors opened on the ground floor, and patrons looked over at the brunette woman crying in the elevator, she knew it was one she had to face. It wasn't a reality she could face in New York City though. She'd come back and she'd tried, making a complete fool of herself in the process, but she couldn't do that anymore. He'd made his choice, and she had to accept that.

So, she tried to pull herself together and exit the hotel as gracefully as possible, ignoring the curious stares she was receiving as she walked through the lobby. Every few steps she took, her legs wanted to give out on her, but she pressed on, determined to make it back to her apartment without breaking down again. There would be time for more tears later, time for her to mourn everything. For now, she had to get home and pack a few items.

Everyone had accused her of running away before, and she realized they would probably accuse her of that again, but it was time to leave New York behind. It was what she was telling herself anyway. The lectures that she could practically hear Caroline and Bonnie giving her were locked from her head as she climbed into the first available cab after packing as many clothes as she could.

"Where to, Miss?" the cab driver asked her as he merged into traffic.

She was silent for a moment, watching her building disappear from behind her. "JFK Airport," she finally said.

"Where are you headed to?"

Another lump formed in her throat as she listened to his question. Thirty minutes ago, she would have had an answer: home. Now, there was no answer at all, no real place to go. She had once again made a mess of her life, and was left trying to figure out how to fit the pieces back together. This time, she didn't know how. She didn't even know where to begin.

As she looked up at the cab driver, who was still waiting for an answer from her, she sighed and glanced out the window before saying, "Anywhere but here."

AN: There it is, the Prologue. I know that I'm kind of throwing you all into the deep end with no idea what is going on, but we're going to work our way through just exactly how Damon and Elena got to this point right here. I hope you enjoyed it, or are at least intrigued to read more. Share your thoughts and drop me a review, I love them!


	2. Waiting for Now

AN: Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. I think I've gotten back to all of you. I love hearing your thoughts and feelings on everything so far. I really was nervous about it, but now that I'm over that, I can get into the story and some explanations. We will now be delving into flashbacks. Since the flashbacks will be taking up most of the chapters, I really don't want to have them in italics, so I am just going to do a dividing line right now. The line will divide the present from the past. That might have to change at some point down the line, but if it does, I will give you all a warning. Anyway, here is the first chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! Reviews are always amazing!

**Chapter 1**

**Waiting for Now  
><strong>**Don't ask me who I am  
><strong>**Don't ask me where I stand  
><strong>**Don't ask me what's my plan  
><strong>**Cause I don't know**

Elena glanced around the city as it passed by her, the streets crowded with tourists and jaded New Yorkers. At 18 years old, she'd been in complete awe of New York City. Coming from a small town in Virginia, this place had been like a completely different world. She came with her two best friends and a million and one dreams. For a while, those dreams had begun to come true.

As a freshman at Columbia, she met Matt Donovan, and he quickly became her first real love, the first adult relationship she'd ever had. For four years she believed that he was the one, that she would spend her life with him, but the problems mounted and the distance began to grow between them. Then, one night in July, she spotted Damon across the bar and her world was forever changed.

* * *

><p>"We're getting married!" Elena looked up as Caroline Forbes came rushing into the bar, flashing the diamond ring that had taken up shop on her left hand. Heads turned in the bar as she ran through the crowd, an elated smile on her face.<p>

Elena couldn't help the girly scream that fell from her mouth, and she rushed around the side of the bar to wrap her arms around Caroline. "Congratulations!" she told her best friend, hugging her tightly before pulling back and grabbing at her left hand. "So, how'd he do it?" She'd gone with Stefan to pick the ring out weeks ago, but she still wanted to see how it looked on Caroline's dainty finger. It was large and gave off enough sparkle to catch the eye of a blind person.

"He took me to Central Park, and at first I was mad, because these heels are too high to walk in." She pointed down to her stilettos that looked far too uncomfortable for Elena to ever dream of wearing for an extended period of time. "But then I realized that we were where we kissed for the first time, when he was taking me home cause I was drunk and he didn't want me to go alone." Caroline got misty-eyed thinking about her first kiss she had shared with Stefan. "And then he told me he loved me and got down on one knee and then I cried and said yes."

"You're getting married," she told her excitedly, overcome with joy for one of her best friends, even if her own life was in complete turmoil right now.

"I'm getting married!" She exclaimed, the infectious smile taking over her face once again.

"Okay," Elena smiled, giving Caroline a brief hug. "I have to get back to work, but you get free drinks all night. Get your man over here to celebrate."

She got back behind the bar she'd been tending since her sophomore year at Columbia. It had started out as a way to make some extra cash to get her through college, and now, freshly graduated, it was quickly becoming the fallback plan as she decided whether she had the guts to really chase her dream or not.

From the moment her mother gave her a journal at 10 years old, she'd wanted to be a writer. She loved putting her thoughts into words on a piece of paper in front of her, and she loved creating stories that wove just enough of her life in to words that made it feel cathartic, while still leaving her a secret that only she knew. Then her parents died and everything changed.

For a while, she clung to that dream, desperate to feel closer to her mother. She'd somehow believed that it kept a part of her mother alive, but not too long after she started college, she began to question if the dream was still there. She stayed in school and completed her major, but the passion began to fade. The questions consumed her, and soon, her plans of getting her Masters were put on hold.

She'd graduated two months ago and the plans were still on hold. The deadline had long past for graduate school, so her next year would be spent tending the bar and figuring out where to go with her life. She was in her 20s, wasn't this what she was supposed to do?

The evening became a rush as people poured into the bar from the streets, and soon Caroline had people lining up to congratulate a complete stranger, basking in all of the attention coming her way. She happily flashed her ring to anyone and everyone who asked to see it, and proceeded to squeal at the top of her lungs and go over every minute detail about the proposal when their other best friend Bonnie arrived.

"I told you she'd say yes!" She shouted to Stefan over the pulsating music wafting from the speakers. She smiled at him and slid his favorite beer across the bar. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," he told her before Caroline stole his attention away, sliding her body between his and the bar.

"Hi baby," she smiled at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and littering his face with kisses.

Elena watched the happy couple with a smile. They'd met in Caroline's English Literature class her junior year at NYU, and the moment Stefan stood up and introduced himself as the TA for the class, Caroline swears she knew that he was going to be hers.

Stefan had tried to fight her at first, but Caroline was persistent, and the pull was just too much in the end. Just over a year and a half later, and now they were engaged. Caroline had her life all figured out, and as always, it was going perfectly according to plan.

Stefan and Caroline soon disappeared into the crowd, probably off whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. She was left, busy at her job, until her other best friend showed up. "So, where's Matt?" Bonnie asked when she sidled up to the bar sometime after 11.

Without needing to be asked, she began to mix a drink for Bonnie. "I don't know," she finally said when she presented the finished product to her friend. "We're kind of fighting."

"About what?"

"Same thing as always," she sighed and rolled her eyes.

She'd been with Matt on and off since her freshman year and his sophomore year at Columbia, when they met at a fraternity party at the beginning of the semester. He'd since graduated and had gone on to law school, while her life moved along at a snail's pace. Since he graduated, he'd been asking her to move in, but she always refused, telling him that she didn't want to make a commitment that big until she had her life more figured out.

The more he pushed to try and get her to move in, the harder she pushed back and withdrew from the relationship, but even when they broke up, they still got back together. Some days she wondered if it was worth it, but she'd been with him so long and he was one of her best friends. He'd been by her side through everything since she was 18, never letting her down. He was her first love and she knew that one day they'd get married, she just didn't want to make that commitment right now, and she was scared that if she moved in with him, soon they'd be engaged, and next thing she'd know, they'd be in the suburbs with three kids.

Bonnie reached over the bar and squeezed her hand. "He'll come around when he cools off. He always does."

"I know," she nodded her head, because it was true. He'd take a few days, maybe a week, calm down, and then act like nothing had happened. "We'll be fine."

"Oh God," Caroline groaned, throwing herself against the bar after untangling herself from Stefan long enough to come up for air. "I know that look," she waved a wobbly finger in front of Elena's face. "You and Matt had a fight because he wants to move in together and you don't want to. Let me save you the trouble of it all. He'll stay mad for a couple days, and then you'll have hot makeup sex only to have the fight all over again in a couple months. So," she slammed her hands down on the bar. "Stop focusing on him and focus on me. I'm engaged!"

Knowing better than to argue with Caroline, she just smiled and prepared another drink for the bride-to-be.

"I'm gonna kill her before she even makes it down the aisle, aren't I?" Bonnie questioned after Caroline launched herself back at Stefan, where he was talking to a guy she'd never seen before. He had hair as black as night, and eyes as blue as the ocean. They were such polar opposites; his eyes shined all the way from more than 10 feet away. "Elena!"

Bonnie snapped a finger in her face, bringing her attention back to her friend.

"Yeah," she shook her head. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that I was probably going to have to kill Caroline before she even made it down the aisle."

"Depends on who she makes her maid of honor. If it's me, I'll probably beat you to the punch." She saw someone motioning to her from a few feet down the bar and excused herself from Bonnie, putting herself back to work for nearly another 30 minutes before she could make her way back down to Bonnie, who returned to the bar when she saw that Elena had a moment. "Who's the guy with Stefan?" She motioned her head to the man she'd seen chatting with Stefan earlier.

"Oh him?" Bonnie grimaced when she looked at where Elena was motioning. "Apparently that's Stefan's brother, Damon."

"You don't like him?"

"Kind of an asshole." She shrugged her shoulders. "Keeps telling Stefan he shouldn't get married. I'm waiting for Caroline to use her ring to gauge one of his eyes out."

"That would be interesting to watch." At that exact moment, Caroline stomped her foot on the ground and narrowed her eyes at Damon. She shoved a finger in his chest and then turned on her heel, leaving him smirking behind her, while Stefan slapped him across the back of the head. "What happened?"

She took note of the empty glass in Caroline's hand and began mixing a fresh drink for her. "Just because he has serious parental issues and one raging bitch of an ex, doesn't mean he needs to take it out on the rest of us." Caroline huffed out before gratefully taking the new drink from Elena's extended hand. "Thank you."

"Well, at least he's hot." She tried to offer, because honestly, the man was gorgeous. Those eyes and that hair, combined with the pale skin, and lean body, would make any girl do a double take.

"Oh, he knows it." She glanced over her shoulder, shooting daggers in his direction. "Asshole."

"Okay, you keep trying to light him on fire with your eyes and I'm going to go try and make some more money."

"Have fun," Caroline shouted at her before turning to glare at Stefan's brother again.

At midnight, the bar got one final surge that kept her busy for an hour, her hands moving so quickly she barely knew what she was making half of the time. She graciously turned down dozens of shots, a few marriage proposals, and pocketed enough phone numbers to make a phone book, even some from clearly taken men. The girlfriends glared at her, but most were never paying for the drinks, so it never affected her tips, just possibly her karma somewhere down the line.

"I'll have a Bud Light." Her head shot up at the sound of Matt's voice. He was standing in front of her, hands shoved loosely in his pocket, a lazy smile on his face. "And a water for the taken bartender."

"Hey," she sighed out, and even though he couldn't hear her because of the music, he understood. "I didn't expect to see you tonight."

"Yeah, well, I could only sit in the library for so long without going crazy, and Caroline called and told me if I didn't come celebrate her engagement she would come castrate me."

"I'll cut her off." They shared a laugh as he glanced back at Caroline, who was in fine spirits now, smiling widely at whatever Stefan was whispering in her ear.

He took the beer from her and set it down on the bar, reaching back for her hand and holding it within his grasp. "I'm sorry about the fight."

She shrugged and gave him a small smile. "Me too."

"We good?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head. "We're good."

"Okay, I'll let you get back to work while I go congratulate Caroline before she gets her hands on a knife."

"Tell her I said she's cut off." She watched as he went over and gave Caroline a hug before shaking hands with Stefan and congratulating both of them.

She felt a wave of comfort wash over her now that their fight was over and things would return back to normal. He was the one constant in her life and she hated when they fought. It left her uneasy and feeling horrible.

The bar began to clear out soon after Matt came in, and they all began to make their way toward the bar now that it wasn't so crowded.

"Alright, shots of tequila for everyone, even you, Elena." Caroline announced, holding her arms high above her head. She began to object but Caroline cut her off before she could begin. "The bar closes in less than an hour, that means you can do a shot, because I'm your best friend and I just got engaged, and I told you so."

Knowing better than to argue, Elena pulled out enough shot glasses for everyone and filled them with tequila. She passed them around to everyone, and they all held them in the air, waiting for someone to make a toast.

Finally, Stefan cleared his throat and spoke up so they could all hear him. "One year ago, Caroline threw herself at me in the back of a lecture hall at NYU, and I thought that I was going to have to spend half the semester dodging her, but she wouldn't give up, and I finally gave in." He glanced down at his new fiancée who was beaming up at him. "I'm so happy that I gave in, because I cannot imagine marrying anyone else. I love you."

"To Stefan and Caroline!" Elena proclaimed, and they all joined their glasses together and cheered before swallowing the shot. She shivered a bit as it ran down her throat and shook the burn off.

"Yeah, well tell her I said to kiss my ass." Her head turned to the sound of an angry voice, and she saw Damon coming toward them, his phone pressed to his ear. "She's not getting dick, and you can quote me on that. She's. Not. Getting. Dick!"

"Katherine?" Stefan questioned his brother after he'd ended the conversation and joined the group.

"Who else?" he flashed an angry smile, and she could see the muscles in his jaw twitching furiously. He leaned up against the bar, hanging his head in her direction. "Scotch on the rocks, make it a double, and the best you have in this place." She stood, frozen for a few moments, unable to move. Then he snapped at her. "That is your job, right? I haven't been imagining that all night?"

"Right, sorry!" She snapped to attention and turned to the shelves behind her, reaching up for the best bottle of scotch in the bar, having to stand on the tip of her toes to reach it. She made quick work of fixing his drink and sliding it over the bar to him. "There you go."

"Thanks." He pulled a $100 bill out of his wallet and handed it over to her.

She stared down at it, eyes wide, before looking back at him. "Um, do you want change?"

"Keep it." His eyes raked over her, making her tremble nervously. "You obviously need it more than I do."

"Excuse me?" she questioned, a hint of disbelief in her voice.

"Elena, meet Damon, Stefan's brother and anything but a best man!" Caroline explained, faux smile plastered to her face as she motioned between the two of them. "Damon, meet Elena, my maid of honor."

She turned to Caroline and brushed off Damon's words. "What, I'm your maid of honor?"

"Yup, congratulations!" She waved her hands in the air before dropping them to her side and glaring at Damon. "Have fun planning mine and Stefan's joint bachelor and bachelorette party."

Damon smirked at her and held out his hand for her. "Stefan, your wedding officially just got more interesting."

Caroline reached out and slapped Damon's hand away before Elena could shake it. "She's taken; back off, and stop doing that eye thing."

"Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score."

Matt immediately choked on the mouthful of beer he had been trying to swallow and Elena reached across the bar to hit her hand on his back. "You okay?" She couldn't believe this man that she didn't know had just said that. She thought things like that happened in movies, not real life. Who said those things?

"Oh, so you must be the boyfriend." Damon deduced the dynamic after a quick glance between Elena and Matt. He almost looked apologetic for a second, but then he shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well, you'll hate me soon enough anyway."


	3. Come Clean

Author's Note: I know I told a lot of you that the chapter would be up soon, so I'm sorry it's taken some time. However, as you can see, it is just shy of 6,000 words without this note. I just kept writing and writing. I had so much I wanted to get through, and I hope it doesn't feel rushed. This chapter is just the boiling point that needed to be hit for the real story to start. I hope you all enjoy it. I love talking with you all through messages. I think I've gotten back to everyone. You all provide some great insight, so thank you! So, read, enjoy, and review!

**Chapter 2**

**Will you be here still after the echo of a scream?**  
><strong>Will you be here still after I come clean?<strong>

"I'm sorry about the traffic, Miss," the taxi driver apologized to her as they sat in a throng of traffic nearly halfway across town from JFK. "I hope you don't miss your flight."

"I haven't booked a flight yet," she admitted. That had required more planning than she was willing to do. She had to get out of her apartment as quickly as possible. Once Caroline and Bonnie found out about what happened, they would surely try to call her and then look for her at her apartment. She would simply look at the departures when she got to the airport and decide on a flight from there.

Maybe she could go back home to Mystic Falls. She hadn't been there since she was in college. Or she could go down to Savannah, Georgia, where her brother was in school. She could go back to Chicago and maybe stay with a friend for a few days. There were more than enough options, even the choice of going where nobody would think to look for her. She could fly down to Florida, far away from anyone she knew.

Or maybe she could go back to the beginning, make amends for all that she'd done in the past four years. She'd never intentionally caused anyone pain, but she had. She'd left a steady path of heartache in the wake of her path, and it all started with Matt Donovan.

* * *

><p>"Oh dear God," Elena mumbled beneath her breath, leaning toward Bonnie so she could hear her. "If this is the engagement party I'm scared for this wedding."<p>

Bonnie laughed as she looked around the grand ballroom filled with a couple hundred people dressed in their finest eveningwear. "I'm not. I'm just a lowly bridesmaid, not expected to do anything."

"You evil little witch."

"Just speaking the truth," Bonnie said unapologetically.

"Ladies." Matt appeared in front of both women, holding out two glasses of champagne for them.

"Oh, free booze." Bonnie perked up even more at the sight of the champagne and snatched a glass from Matt's extended hand. "You're a godsend, Matt."

Elena didn't respond nearly as enthusiastically as her friend, but she was grateful nonetheless. "Thank you." She grabbed the glass from Matt before folding herself into his side. "You know me too well."

"Actually, I think I know Caroline too well," he pointed out with a grin. "She's been looking for you for 10 minutes, but I pointed her in the opposite direction to give you a little extra time."

"Bonnie's right," Elena beamed up at Matt, happy that they were fully back to normal after the last fight. "You are a godsend."

She felt a sense of calm as Matt rubbed a hand down her back. Over the past year the fights had gotten worse, and sometimes her faith in them did waiver. Every time, Matt would come around, and things would return to normal, or at least return to the status quo. Bonnie lectured her all the time about settling with Matt, but she loved him. He was the best guy she'd ever met in her life. How could she walk away from that?

"Elena!" Caroline came rushing through the crowd, a worried expression on her face. "I have been looking all over for you." She threw a frustrated look in Matt's direction. "You really suck at keeping an eye on your girlfriend."

Elena covered her mouth with her free hand to try and hide the smirk pulling at her lips. "What can I do for you Caroline?"

"Did you bring your speech?"

"Crap!" Elena's eyes widened at the reminder that she was supposed to have her speech written out for Caroline to approve. She'd meant to write it down on a piece of paper, but then she'd gotten busy and forgotten. "I'm sorry, Caroline. It slipped my mind."

"Great," Caroline huffed out, rolling her eyes in the process. "First Damon and now you. This is a complete disaster."

"I hardly think it's going to be a disaster." Elena tried to diffuse the situation before Caroline went off the deep-end. "Damon seems charismatic enough, he should be fine. And I have my speech memorized; it's perfectly clean and acceptable. Everything will be fine."

The words of reassurance did nothing to calm Caroline as she practically whimpered in reply. "Why does nobody listen to me?"

"Because it's more fun to watch you freak out like you are doing right now." Damon joined the group along with Stefan, who hit his older brother on the back of the head at his comment. "Ow," he jerked his head away and rubbed gently at the spot where he'd been hit. "I was just joking."

"Be nice," Stefan chided Damon, but it was easy to see the strong bond between the two brothers.

"Fine," Damon rolled his eyes and released a deep, put-upon sigh. "Caroline, I'm sorry for forgetting to prepare a speech. If I promise to play nice will you take it down a notch?"

"Yeah, cause I'm going to believe anything that comes out of your mouth."

"Okay, look." Stefan stepped between Caroline and Damon, ready to try his attempt to broker some form of peace. "Damon should have written his speech out like you asked him to –"

"Cause it's not like I have a job or anything," Damon mumbled beneath his breath, which earned him a pointed look from Stefan that was clearly telling him to keep his mouth shut.

"_But_," he continued on with a hint of frustration. "He obviously got busy and forgot. We can't do anything about it, so let's just trust that he will be nice in his speech. He's my _brother_ and he wouldn't want to _ruin_ this night for me." Stefan moved his gaze back to Damon, a warning look in his eyes. "Right?"

Damon was silent for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, right." Stefan gave Damon a swift elbow to the side. "I'm sorry I forgot to write my speech, Caroline, but I promise to give a very appropriate speech that will not embarrass you or my brother."

Caroline was silent for a moment as she contemplated her options. Damon may have forgotten her instructions, but he had apologized. Sincere or not, he gave her one, and made an attempt at being nice. She could either accept it or continue on with the pointless argument.

"Fine," she finally conceded, but she held up a finger in Damon's direction. "If you get up there and say what you've been saying for the past month, you're out of the wedding. Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good." A beaming smile broke out across Caroline's face, and all the tension left her body. It always amazed Elena to see how easily Caroline could shift gears. She could go from ecstatic to downright livid in less than five seconds. It was an art form. "Okay, you boys can leave now, we need some girl time." Caroline grabbed ahold of Stefan's jacket and pulled him in close for a kiss before shooing the boys away. "You too, Matt, run on."

Knowing better than to argue, Elena looked up at Matt, her bottom lip thrust out in a slight pout. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he told her softly. "I'll go get you some more champagne." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips before unwrapping his arms from around her and disappearing through the crowd.

"Nice to see that you and Matt are still on good terms," Caroline pondered after the boys had drifted away. "Think you'll survive the next fight?" she asked offhandedly.

"Caroline!" Bonnie exclaimed, eyes wide, but Caroline didn't even bother to feign shock. Subtlety was never one of Caroline's traits.

"I don't think your engagement party is the place to discuss the trials and tribulations of my relationship. We can discuss that over lunch sometime this week."

"Right, my engagement party," Caroline smiled dreamily and held her let hand in front of her face. "I'm getting married."

Elena smiled at the site of her friend admiring her ring. "Never change, Caroline, never change."

"Anyway," Caroline pulled her attention away from her engagement ring and looked back up at her two friends. "I have an appointment to go dress shopping on Thursday at 1, I request your presence."

"You_ demand_ our presence," Bonnie mumbled.

Caroline plowed ahead, ignoring Bonnie's comment. "And Stefan and I have decided for the engagement party to be in Las Vegas."

"_You_ decided," Elena said this time, never one to pass up a chance to play this game with Bonnie. They'd been doing it since they were in middle school, and even though it drove Caroline crazy, they continued, because that was the fun of the entire game.

"Would you two stop?" Caroline groaned. "Stefan and I would like to have the party in Las Vegas, we've seen everything here. It's our last hoorah as single people. We have to go out with a bang."

"_You_ have to go out with a bang."

"Ugh, you two are hopeless," Caroline huffed out. "I'm going to go find my family, maybe you two can find some maturity in the meantime."

They didn't even wait until Caroline was out of earshot before bursting into laughter. "That never gets old."

"She really is too easy," Elena agreed.

They both laughed quietly for a moment, basking in the simplicity of their friendship that sometimes seemed lost. Growing up in Mystic Falls they spent nearly every moment of every day together, but age and the real world had changed things. They might still live in the same city, but once they went to different colleges, they made new friends that weren't automatically friends with all three of them. Sometimes they would go two weeks without seeing each other, and there were no more sleepovers or 3-way calls that lasted until the early hours of the morning.

Life happened and they grew up, and even though the friendship had remained, some things had changed. So, when moments like that happened she cherished them, because they did not happen as often as she would like, even if Caroline remained as easy a target tonight as she was a decade ago.

"So, you and Matt really are good?" Bonnie asked after they both quieted down. "You're not just faking it so Caroline won't hassle you?"

"No, things really are good. I figure we'll just keep having the fight until I finally decide what to do with my life."

"Or until he decides he's had enough? Do you think he's tired of having the same fight?"

Elena was thrown off by the bluntness of the question. That was a territory typically occupied by Caroline, a territory that Bonnie was more than happy to let her have. She'd offer advice when asked, but she didn't tend to try and pull answers from Elena or Caroline. That was why the question was so unexpected. Bonnie didn't ask questions like that, which could only mean one thing.

"What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, just wondering," Bonnie quickly insisted before swallowing the rest of her champagne.

"Bonnie," Elena warned, moving so she was fully in front of her friend. "What's going on?"

The petite woman looked like a deer caught in headlights for a moment, before her face fell and she confessed. "Matt might have said something to me the night that Caroline and Stefan got engaged."

She instantly perked up at the news that Matt had said something to Bonnie. He liked her friends just fine, but she wouldn't say they were good friends. He had his friends from school, his own group. He didn't talk about their relationship to her friends; she did that. "What did Matt say?"

Bonnie glanced around to make sure that Matt wasn't anywhere nearby before she leaned in toward Elena. "He'd had a couple drinks and we were talking about Caroline and Stefan getting engaged. We were just joking around and trying to figure out who Caroline would go psycho on first, and he said that he used to be scared of Caroline trying to take over your wedding when the two of you got engaged, but then he said he obviously didn't have to worry about that anymore."

"What does that even mean?"

"That's what I asked him, and he told me that he used to believe you would get married, but now he doesn't think so." Bonnie's words drifted off toward the end, and she could barely hear her, but she heard enough. Matt didn't think they would get married. He didn't think they were going to last. She was just thinking a few minutes ago that her faith had begun to waver with them, should she really be surprised that his would begin to waver as well?

"Do you think he wants to break up with me?"

"No, absolutely not. I think the last thing that Matt wants to do is break up with you."

"Well then why would he say that? I know he's not backing down on the moving in thing, which means he isn't backing down on us getting more serious one day. And if he's not backing down on those, he's backing down on me."

"Like I said, he'd had a couple drinks," Bonnie attempted to defend him, even though most of the time she told Elena she was settling.

"Alcohol is like his truth serum, Bonnie. Unless he's had more than eight drinks, he says the hurtful, true things that he wouldn't say completely sober."

"You don't know that."

"I've been with him for four years, Bonnie, I know _him_," she snapped, sounding more harsh than she should. "I cannot believe he practically told you that he wants to break up with me, but he's spent the past month acting like everything is fine."

"He never said he wanted to break up with you," Bonnie insisted, reaching forward and placing a hand on Elena's arm. "But, would it really be a surprise if the two of you did break up? You've been having the same fight for months, and it never gets resolved."

Elena stepped back, causing Bonnie's hand to fall from her arm. "I don't want to talk about this here." She started to walk away, but before she got too far, she turned back to Bonnie and said, "You should have told me sooner."

"You two made up, and I thought it was the alcohol talking. I just didn't know how to tell you." She could tell that Bonnie genuinely felt bad, and she honestly didn't even blame Bonnie, she was just the easy target of the moment. She was really angry with Matt and with herself, but she wasn't ready to unleash that anger yet. Instead, she was going to settle with walking away, she would apologize to Bonnie tomorrow.

"Whatever, I'm going to go get some air." This time, when she turned to leave she actually did leave. She wove through the crowd, purposely avoiding Matt or Caroline. She needed a few moments to process the thoughts going through her head. Assuming that Matt really was considering breaking up with her, she had to figure out how she was supposed to face him. Could she really leave with him tonight, and possibly spend her night with him, knowing that he was probably figuring out when the best time would be to end things?

The soft summer breeze met Elena as she stepped onto the grand terrace outside of the ballroom that Caroline and Stefan's engagement party was being held in. If she was lucky, this would buy her 10 or 15 minutes away from everyone. She had to figure out how she would face Matt for the rest of the night. She also had to figure out how she was now supposed to stand up there and give a speech about love when apparently she sucked at it. It didn't help that she wasn't the biggest believer in it all at the moment. Once upon a time she'd thought she had the most solid relationship a person could have.

Things with Matt had always been so easy, until he graduated. It was like the diploma changed everything. He started thinking about all the big things that she wasn't ready to consider, and then he was mad when she'd tell him she wasn't ready. She'd always thought it was better to be honest in a relationship instead of doing something that you don't really want just to please your partner. Apparently, Matt did not have the same idea.

"You have some nerve showing up here, Katherine." Elena froze at the sound of an angry voice on another part of the terrace. She turned to apologize and leave when she realized that it was Damon's voice she'd heard, and thanks to the trees that divided the terrace into two sections, they couldn't see her.

He was dragging a tall brunette behind him who was struggling against his grasp. "Let go of my arm," the woman snapped. "That hurts."

"Stop being dramatic," Damon rolled his eyes, but he dropped her arm nonetheless. "What are you doing here?"

"Congratulating your brother on his engagement, of course." She looked and sounded much calmer now, almost seductive. "I've known Stefan for a long time. It would be rude of me to not congratulate him."

"Well send him a fruit basket. Actually, don't send him anything, because if you think I want nothing to do with you, Stefan wants even less to do with you."

"Aw, has Stefan gotten all protective over his big brother?" the woman that she was assuming to be Katherine leaned closer to Damon and ran one of her hands down his chest. "I thought you had the market cornered on the protective sibling front."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't take too well to women hitting on him when they know he's in a serious relationship. He also isn't too fond of it when the woman is married to his brother. You went barking up the wrong tree, Kat."

"Miscalculation," Katherine shrugged. "Sometimes it even happens to me, although not very often. Then again, you know all about that."

"Yes, I'm perfectly aware of what your extracurricular activities have been." He grabbed Katherine's hand and pushed her away from him. "Get off me. That game doesn't work anymore."

"Really?" she taunted. "Because I think it still does."

"Why would it? I'm not naïve to your tricks anymore. You can't stand me, and don't think for a second that I can stand you. There's a reason you're banned from my building now."

"My building too," Katherine snapped, all pretenses of lust or attraction now gone from her voice and eyes. "I lived there for three years, Damon. You can't just decide that it's yours."

"I had it before I even met you, Kat. _My_ penthouse is completely off-limits. You can go after my money, but you're not getting my house. And you're certainly not getting much of my money. Thanks to me, you make more than enough money to survive. I didn't prevent you from working; I actually helped get you work. You're young; your career is still viable. We were only married for three years, and there are no children. You're not getting spousal support."

"I know how much you make each year, and don't you think for a second that I'm not going after it. I may make a decent living, but it's nothing close to what you make. I've grown accustomed to this lifestyle over the past three years, and that argument actually does hold up in court."

"And how exactly are you going to afford to go after my money? Yeah, you make good money, but you're right, I do make more than you, which means my lawyers are better than yours. And don't forget that everything you have is because of me. I can take it all away." Damon was now the one doing the taunting. "You were just some low-rent model before you met me. You hadn't had a job in two months before I got you a real agent. I gave you _everything_, and this is how you repay me? Cheating on me? Lying to me? Going after my brother?"

She couldn't see this woman that was apparently Damon's wife very well, but she could see enough to tell that she was furious. Her body was totally rigid and her breathing looked haggard. She knew that Damon wasn't making idle threats, and Elena might not know Damon well, but even she could tell that his threats were the real deal. He wasn't scared to ruin her.

She'd put the pieces together in the last month that Damon had serious issues bubbling just beneath the surface, and knew that he was going through a breakup, but she hadn't pictured this. From the way he acted, she didn't think he'd ever give the idea of marriage a second thought, much less actually marry someone. Yet, apparently he was married, and the divorce looked like it was going to be anything but clean.

"What can I say, Damon? You were an easy mark. Once the game got boring, so did you."

Unable to take any more, Elena slipped back into the ballroom through a different door. She hated to think it, but after hearing that argument and what Damon was dealing with, she'd be a pretty crappy person to be around too.

"There you are!" Caroline came bounding over to Elena moments after she entered the ballroom, pulling Stefan behind her. "Everyone is starting to sit down for the dinner, and Matt has been looking for you everywhere."

"Sorry," she quickly apologized. "I was outside getting some air."

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. We just need to all go sit down." Caroline craned her neck to try and see through the crowd. "Now if only we could find Damon."

At the mention of Damon, Elena looked to Stefan, who was also searching the room for his brother. "He's actually outside too."

"Damon went outside?" Caroline questioned, perplexed by the piece of news. "He never separates himself from the bar."

"He's out there with Katherine."

Stefan's head snapped in her direction, his eyes wide. "Katherine's here?"

"Yeah, they're kind of fighting."

"How did she get in? She wasn't even invited." Elena could now see that Damon wasn't exaggerating when he said that Stefan wanted nothing to do with Katherine. He looked livid at the thought of her at his engagement party. "Caroline, go get security; I'm going to go make sure nothing gets out of hand."

Stefan raced off toward the terrace looking like a man on a mission. She was used to seeing him completely calm and poised. Caroline was the one in that relationship that got angry and upset, not Stefan.

"I can't believe she actually showed up at my engagement party. She threw herself at my fiancé, and really thinks she can show up? Stupid bitch." Caroline turned on her heel and marched off in the opposite direction.

Elena sighed and made her way toward the head table that the bridal party was designated to sit at. She could see that Matt and Bonnie were already seated, along with a couple that Elena didn't recognize. At the painful clench in her stomach, she immediately knew she would need another drink. Stepping outside and getting some air had done nothing to make her feel any better. In fact, after what she just witnessed, she felt worse. With a swift hand, she snatched a glass of champagne off of a passing tray. Between the drama going on with Damon and his divorce and the news that her relationship with Matt was coming to a close, this night was not going well.

"Finally," Bonnie sighed when Elena dropped into the seat next to Matt. "We were beginning to think that everyone decided to ditch the party and forgot to tell us."

"Nope, still here." Elena tipped her head back and finished off the champagne in her glass. "Excuse me," she held up her finger for the waiter passing by. "May I have another?"

The waiter appeared at her side and retrieved the empty glass from her. "Certainly, Miss."

"Great, keep 'em coming."

"Elena," Bonnie hissed and leaned over Matt to be closer to Elena. "What are you doing?"

"Having fun. Why _settle_ for an average party when I can make it great?"

"Caroline is going to kill you."

"Well, at least I won't be able to feel it."

"Where is the damn waiter? I need a drink." All eyes moved toward Damon as he removed his tie and threw it down on the table.

Stefan wasn't far behind him, and was soon sitting down next to his brother, leaving an empty space for Caroline between himself and Elena. "I really don't think that's a good idea right now." Stefan attempted to deter his brother from a drink, but he looked like he could use a strong drink himself.

"Well, I think it's the best idea right now," Damon countered, a challenging look in his eye. He was daring Stefan to tell him not to drink.

"Just do not get drunk," Stefan sighed after a silent standoff with Damon. "Caroline will kill you and then me."

"So, Mason," Damon drawled out, turning his attention to the couple that Elena was not familiar with. "How is married life treating you?"

The man turned to look at the small blonde to his right before looking back at Damon. "Better than it's treated you, or so I've heard."

Caroline slid into the last empty seat at the table, a frustrated expression on her face. "Well, now that that's been handled."

Stefan reached out and ran a comforting hand along her back. "You okay?"

"Well, I didn't slap her and she didn't make a scene, so I'm good. Now, the rest of this night just needs to go off without a hitch." Elena could see Stefan cast a worried glance in Damon's direction, and she could feel Bonnie and Matt eyeing her warily. "Think we can all handle that?"

"Yeah," everyone swiftly answered. Well, everyone minus Damon.

"As long as the booze keeps coming, I'll be on my best behavior, Blondie."

"Don't you dare get drunk, Damon Salvatore," Caroline threatened menacingly. "I will march you back out onto that terrace and throw you off the edge."

"Only if you promise to let me bring Katherine along for the ride."

"I can't believe she had the nerve to show up here."

"Okay," Stefan quickly intervened, desperate to end everything before it started. "That's all over, and we are here to celebrate Caroline and me getting married. Let's just be happy, okay?"

"You know what?" Damon asked. "You're right. You're my baby brother, and you're getting married. I think it's time for my speech."

"Wait," Stefan quickly grabbed Damon's arm before he could stand up all the way. "What are you going to say?"

Damon removed Stefan's hand from his arm. "The truth. You're my brother and you're getting married. I know I'm getting divorced, but that doesn't mean I can't offer some advice."

A tense silence fell over the table as Damon tapped his knife against his glass. "Oh god," Caroline groaned and leaned her head on Stefan's shoulder.

Damon waited until the room quieted down and he had all the attention. "We are all here tonight to celebrate the engagement of my brother Stefan and his gorgeous fiancé Caroline." He paused for the polite clapping before continuing. "Many of you might be thinking that they're a little young, Stefan is only 24, but my brother has always done things on his own timeline. If you don't believe me, ask him how old he was when he started driving."

"No one needs to hear that story," Stefan insisted to the laughing crowd.

"But anyway, a little over a year ago Stefan showed up at my house, telling me about this girl in the English class he's a TA for, and how she practically threw herself at him. So, when he asks for my advice, I tell him to crush her, make her understand that she has no chance. Well, cut to two months later, he shows up on my doorstep again, rambling on about how he thinks he might be in love with the most amazing girl he's ever met. Come to realize, he completely bucked my suggestion, and he's talking about the same girl he was scared of a few months ago. It would appear that big brothers do not always know best, because it seems like it's worked out pretty well for my brother. Really, it just goes to show that first impressions aren't everything. Hell, I'm the poster child for that, right? Meet a girl, think she's nice, turns out she's just biding her time until she can take you for all you're worth. So, word to the wise, get a good prenup, cause believe me, the hotter she is, the dirtier she fights." A collective gasp emanated through the room as Damon raised his glass in the air. "To Caroline and Stefan. May marriage treat you better than it treated me."

"You are such an asshole." Caroline pushed her chair back from the table so quickly, it was almost a blur of blonde hair and blue fabric as she jumped from her chair and rushed from the room.

Stefan was stunned into silence for a moment, his eyes darting between his brother and the door his fiancé had just disappeared through. Finally, he stood from his chair, making the decision to go after Caroline. "Thanks a lot, _brother_," he coldly said to Damon as he passed by.

Any other night Elena would be shocked into silence, and then thrust into outrage on her friend's behalf, but tonight, she understood where Damon was coming from. She'd heard his argument with Katherine, and she was staring down the barrel of a horrible breakup herself. Sure she believed that Caroline and Stefan were as perfect for each other as two people could be, but most people didn't have that luck, and that sucked.

"Did I miss something?" Matt whispered into her ear as another glass of champagne was deposited in front of her.

"Yeah, relationships suck and people don't always surprise you in the way you want them to."

"Cheers to that." Damon held his glass out in her direction, which she happily clinked her champagne glass against.

Matt pulled the glass from her hand as she was pressing it to her lips, causing a few drops to spill down her chest. He set the glass down on the table and turned to face her. "What has gotten into you?"

Elena rolled her eyes and grabbed her glass of champagne back from the table. "One, never steal a bartender's alcohol. Two, I don't want to have this conversation right now."

"Getting wasted never ends well when you're pissed, Elena. Contrary to what you think, you're only a fun drunk when you're not angry beforehand. Sadness, being upset, you're fine, but any anger, and you're miserable, so put the drink down."

"You don't tell me what to do." She downed the remainder of her champagne and set the empty glass on the table. "But wait, that's our problem, isn't it? I never do what you want me to do. I don't move in with you. I don't get engaged. I don't get married."

"That's what this is about?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me." She turned cold eyes on him, but the moment she saw the confusion and pain in his gaze, something broke free past the anger. When she looked at him right now she knew that he loved her. There was no doubt in her mind that Matt loved her more than anything, but after hearing what he'd said to Bonnie, she was realizing that no amount of love in the world meant that their relationship would last.

She knew that the fights had been hard on him, they were hard on her as well, but she'd thought they were worth it. She believed that she would wake up one day and be ready to take that step with him, but the reality was that he might not want to wait around for that day anymore. He didn't want to wait around for her, and that was on her. Matt's wants and needs for the relationship had changed, but she couldn't be mad about that. He'd graduated law school, and was moving on with his life. She was the one stuck in a holding pattern and wanted him to stay there with her.

All this time, Bonnie had been telling her that she was settling with Matt, but wasn't she asking him to settle for her too? She just expected him to wait for her to be ready. She was expecting for everything to happen on her time schedule. She was perfectly content to brush the fighting under the rug as long as he came back to her with the answer that she wanted to hear, but she wasn't the only one in this relationship. Maybe it was time that she truly understood that.

"Hey, talk to me." Matt's worried voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and it was only then that she realized she was crying. She could feel the tears falling from her eyes, and Matt was looking at her like she was going to breakdown at any moment.

"I thought we were happy," she finally choked out. Before he could respond, she pushed her chair back from the table and rushed from the room.


	4. Once

Author's Note: I wanted to get this up so much earlier today, but we've had horrible weather, so my internet has been out a lot of the day. However, the weather has cleared up enough for me to post it. This is the first chapter from Damon's perspective, so you should learn a little more about what goes on inside his head. It was an interesting chapter to write. I'd write a part of a scene, then go back and erase it and write something completely new. I just kept messing with it until it finally feels right. So, I hope it feels right to you. I've enjoyed replying to all of you that left reviews for the story. I have to give a big thanks to Daisy, who has given this story so much praise. It means so much to me! Enough from me, here is the chapter. Read and review!

**Chapter 3**

**Once, once**  
><strong>Knew how to talk to you<strong>  
><strong>Once, once<strong>  
><strong>But not anymore <strong>

It had been an hour since Elena showed up at his hotel room door asking him to not go through with his wedding today. It had been 50 minutes, since he sent her out the door, only offering some lame apology. She laid it all on the line for him and the only words he could find in him were, "I'm sorry". It would almost be laughable, except it wasn't. He was never at a loss for words. If anything, he was often filled with too many words.

He didn't have any then though, and he still doesn't have any. In a few hours, he's supposed to get married. He's supposed to watch her walk down the aisle, knowing that only hours earlier, he'd sent someone else away. He sent Elena away.

"Damon, you're really starting to scare me." Stefan spoke up from across the room. He could feel his brother's worried gaze burning into his back. "Say something."

"Like what?" He didn't bother to turn away from the window to face his brother, just kept gazing out at the city ahead. "Elena just showed up and asked me to not get married, and I told her to leave. There's nothing to say."

"You just explained why there's everything to say. She asked you to not get married."

"And I told her no. I'm getting married, Stefan." His voice was resolute and matter of fact. She was gone. End of story.

"But did you send her away because you really are over her, or because you're scared?"

Damon finally turned toward his brother. He should have known that Stefan wouldn't let him get to the church without grilling him for answers. He might have helped get Elena to leave, but that wouldn't keep him quiet. "Look, it's a little late for this speech, Stefan. If you have doubts, you should have voiced them a long time ago."

"I did," Stefan pointed out.

"Yet, we're still here, and I'm getting married. Why can't you just drop it?"

"Because you're my brother!" Stefan shouted. "I want you to be happy, so I'm going to make sure that you're doing this because you love her, and you want to spend your life with her, not because you're scared of Elena and what you feel for her."

"Exactly!" Damon shouted right back. "I'm your brother, so have my back!" He paused to try and calm himself down before speaking again, this time more quietly. "Remember when you asked me to just have your back? Now I'm asking you to have mine. Can you do that?"

The look on Stefan's face made it painfully obvious that he had more to say, but he nodded his head and softly said, "Yeah, I have your back."

* * *

><p>After Elena ran from the table, tensions only seemed to rise at the engagement party. Every table was buzzing about what had just happened.<p>

Elena's boyfriend, Matt, looked completely clueless about what was going on around him. He started to stand and follow after Elena, but Bonnie grabbed onto his arm before he could move far. "You know it's best to not follow her. She'll come back in when she's calmed down."

Mason spoke up from across the table, "Well, I'll give you this. You certainly know how to put on a show, Damon."

"I'll pass around an envelope for tips in a while. Have to pay for those lawyer fees somehow," he told Mason sarcastically. He'd been a friend of Stefan's since college and he'd never been a fan of Damon, which worked out well for him, because he wasn't a big fan of his either.

"I'm sure Daddy could always help you."

"And on that note," Damon stood up and pushed his chair underneath the table. "Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to leave now." He turned to walk away, but before he took a step he turned back to look at Mason. "By the way, your wife still have that strategically placed cherry tattoo? Have fun." He let that be his final goodbye and left the ballroom.

He was just outside the door when Stefan came rushing toward him. He opened his mouth to talk, possibly apologize, when Stefan's arm swung around from behind him and his fist collided with Damon's face. Damon stumbled back, grabbing at his throbbing cheek. When he looked up at Stefan, he was shaking his head at him, his eyes ablaze with anger. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ow," Damon groaned, trying to stretch his aching jaw. "When did you learn to throw a punch?" Stefan didn't answer him, but simply delivered another hefty punch to Damon's jaw. "Jesus, stop punching me!" he shouted, but he made no move to retaliate. As much as it physically hurt, he couldn't deny that he deserved it.

"She wants to kick you out of the wedding!" Stefan yelled at him.

Damon shook his head, because this didn't come as news to him. "She hasn't wanted me in the wedding since before you two even got engaged."

"Well, you didn't have to give her a reason. All you had to do was stand up and give a decent speech. Apparently, that was too hard, so you decided to imply that Caroline was after my money."

"Give her a few years, she very well might be."

Stefan bristled at Damon's words. "Do not make me punch you again."

"I'm sorry, alright? If Katherine hadn't shown up, my speech probably would have been superb."

"So that gives you an excuse to try and ruin my engagement party? I know that you're an asshole to everybody, but you're not supposed to do those things to me." Stefan shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "I defend you to everyone. No matter what you do, I always have your back. Why can't you just have mine?"

Damon suddenly realized that he'd really crossed the line with his speech. Stefan wasn't just mad at him, he was hurt. For all of his faults and his cruel behavior towards others, he tried to be different to his brother. He tried to always watch out for him and protect him, but some nights, like tonight, he was the one that hurt his brother.

"I'm sorry." The apology was genuine, something he almost never did, but he meant it. "I shouldn't have said what I said in my speech."

From the look Stefan gave him, it was apparent that he was not going to just let it go tonight. "So why did you?" he demanded. "God, don't you just get tired of it?"

"Of what?"

"All of it. I know that things are rough right now, but isn't this exhausting? You walk around acting like you don't care about anything or anyone, all of their feelings be damned, but I know that's not really true."

Damon groaned and rolled his eyes. Of all the nights and all the places, his brother had to pick now to try and have some deep conversation with him? His brother always wanted to fix everything. He wanted everyone around him to be happy, and live perfect little lives. It was probably the literature teacher somewhere inside of him that gave him such an idealistic view on life, because it certainly wasn't hereditary.

Their father was nothing short of cold most of the time. In his entire life, Damon truly believed, he could count the number of times he'd seen a genuine smile grace his father's face, on one hand. And their mother, while she was the most flawless being Damon had ever known, had been through enough hardships in her life to lose the idealistic view of the world. And Damon, while he may have romanticized things at one point in time, he'd always understood the harsh realities of the world. In fact, the one time he'd let himself forget that people would always let you down, whether they wanted to or not, he got completely steamrolled by Katherine Pierce.

But Stefan, oh Stefan, had somehow managed to dodge so many unpleasant realities of the world. His whole life, Damon had been there to protect him from anyone and anything. Nobody dared to mess with him, for fear of the retribution that Damon would bring down on them. And the women had flocked to him like moths to a flame. He might not have had the bad boy, rough around the edges image that Damon had, but his soft eyes and gentle voice had the girls fawning all over him. In his entire 24 years, he'd never had his heart broken. So it was expected that his idealistic view would remain unchanged.

Stefan simply did not truly understand what it was like to realize that what you had believed in was a lie. He'd never woken up and looked at the woman next to him and wondered how this person was his wife. He'd never had to wonder how someone he thought he knew almost as well as he knew himself could turn out to be someone completely different. He just didn't know. So, he thought that everyone could be cured with a deep, soul-searching conversation, but that simply wasn't the case.

"Please don't try to psychoanalyze me. You're getting your PhD in comparative literature, not psychology."

"You're my brother. I don't need psychology to know what's going on with you. If it wasn't obvious before that something is very wrong, it's obvious now."

"I'm going through a divorce, of course something's wrong with me. Katherine's trying to rob me for everything I'm worth. You wouldn't be very happy either."

"This isn't about your money and you know it. You have your lawyers and dad's lawyers. She's not going to get anything."

"God Stefan," he sighed, more than ready to end the conversation. "It is not that simple. She is not Caroline, filled with enough positivity to put Oprah to shame. This is not an episode of Boy Meets World. Everything will not be solved in a 30 minute timeslot, with annoying commercials about laundry detergent."

"Why do you do that?" Stefan snapped. "Why do you talk to me like I don't understand things? Maybe I haven't gone through what you're going through with Katherine, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid."

"I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying you don't understand."

"So explain it to me."

He wished that he could explain it to his brother. He wish there was some way he could make him understand, but he didn't know how. He barely understood any of it himself. Everything had appeared fine one day and the next it wasn't. He knew that things had deteriorated over time, and not overnight, but it had all hit him at once. The truth had snuck up on him and punched him in the face, much like Stefan had moments before. It hadn't been obvious until it was staring him in the face. It just wasn't something that could be explained.

"You son of a," Caroline came at him out of nowhere, and before he could react, she slapped him hard across the face. "You just couldn't give it a rest for one night." Her face was the picture of rage as her small fists assaulted his chest.

"Stop it," Stefan pulled Caroline away from Damon and soon her fists were connecting with nothing but air. "Calm down."

"I will not calm down!" she shrieked. "He ruined our engagement party."

Stefan pulled her arms tightly to her chest as he tried to restrain his irate fiancée. "He's sorry."

"Damon is never sorry!" Perhaps Stefan wasn't expecting it, or he allowed Caroline the chance to overpower him, but she quickly disentangled his arms from around her and spun around to face him. "And you!" she shoved a pointed finger in his chest. "You always defend him! God, no matter what he does, you are always making excuses for him! Not this time! He just had to behave for three hours, that's it! Just like always, he couldn't help himself, and just had to make a mess out of someone else's night, but I am _not_ doing this for my wedding."

"Caroline," Stefan tried to reach for her and calm her down, but she gave him a hard look that stopped him in his tracks. "Let's just go somewhere and talk about this. He's sorry, he really is, so let's not make any rash decisions."

She shook her head as she listened to him, her face never moving, and her mind never changing. "No, I'm done. I know he's your brother, but I am not going to let him ruin my wedding. So you better find a new best man, because it's not going to be him."

With one last frustrated shout she pushed past Stefan and stormed off toward the elevator. "Caroline, wait!" he called after her, but she didn't stop, just kept moving.

She pressed the button for the elevator, and as she waited for it to arrive, she turned to face Stefan and Damon again. "Maybe you should stay at Damon's tonight, seeing as he's the one that you're always helping." The elevator dinged and then opened for Caroline to step into. With one last glance toward her fiancé, she stepped inside and the doors quickly closed behind her.

Both brothers were in stunned silence for a few moments before Damon opened his mouth to speak. "You two don't live together."

"Doesn't mean she won't kick me out for the night."

Damon sighed and turned toward his brother. "Go after her," he insisted, tipping his head in the direction toward the elevator.

"I need to give her some time to cool down, but first, you're not out of the wedding."

"No," Damon immediately shook his head, shooting the idea down. "My speech was beyond horrendous. If I'm out, I'm out. I've already messed up my own marriage, don't mess yours up before you even get down the aisle."

"You're my brother, and you're my best man. Even if I do have to kick your ass every now and then." And just like that, the tension melted away and the easy relationship the brothers had always had came back. Damon made bad decisions and Stefan bailed him out, and vice versa.

Damon laughed as he leaned forward and lightly punched Stefan in the chest. "You couldn't kick my ass if you tried."

"Whatever." Stefan rolled his eyes before falling serious again. "It might take her a few days, but she'll calm down. You're not out of the wedding."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

He watched as his brother followed the same path that Caroline had only moments before, and soon he was on the elevator, gone from sight. With the bride and groom gone, the engagement party was officially over. He could go home to an empty penthouse, go pick up a girl at a bar, or he could go back into the party to see who he could get to go home with him. He was weighing his different options when he saw his father coming toward the door, and his decision was made for him.

Option D. Run.

With quick feet, he disappeared down a side hallway, knowing the elevator would not get there in time for him to make a swift getaway. He would simply hideout until he felt enough time had passed for his father to be long gone. Most days, he never backed down from a confrontation with his father, but after getting hit in the face multiple times and probably being out of his brother's wedding, he had had enough confrontations for the night. He would deal with his father on Monday, when he was heavily caffeinated and both men would have busy enough schedules that would keep the meeting short.

He wound his way through the hallway until he found a sign for the rooftop pool. With no more Katherine to deal with, he could actually enjoy the nice, evening weather. He was expecting to have some time to himself, but as he stepped outside and walked around the corner, he realized that would not be happening.

Elena was sitting on the edge of the pool, her feet hanging loosely in the blue water, a bottle of champagne resting next to her discarded heels. She was staring out at the city in front of her, but her eyes didn't appear to be focused on anything. She looked lost and sad, like she didn't know which way was up, and for the first time in months, he felt for someone other than his brother. He understood that feeling, lived with that feeling on a daily basis.

When he married Katherine, his whole life had been planned out. He was going to be with her forever. Now she was gone, and his plans were gone with her. Most days, he didn't know what he was doing. He acted like nothing was wrong, and most believed it, but it wasn't quite true. As much anger as there was between him and Katherine, he still missed her. She was his wife, and he'd loved her.

The things she'd done – that they'd done to each other, didn't make the love disappear. If anything, it made the fact that he loved her hurt even more. He'd never wanted to hurt her, but now he craved it. He relished in seeing the fleeting moments of pain that would pass through her gaze when he pushed just the right button. Over the past few months, the love had faded into almost nothing, and the pain had eased as well, but he was still walking through his life without a map. Where did he start again?

"It's not polite to stare." Elena's soft words pulled him from his distant thoughts. He looked up to see she was still staring ahead of her.

He smirked and walked over to her. "Well, I'm not exactly known for my polished manners."

"Surprise, surprise." She finally turned to look at him as he lowered himself next to her on the ground.

"If I did have good manners, this would probably be the point where I asked if you wanted to be left alone."

She raised her eyebrows at him as he discarded his shoes and rolled up the bottom of his pants to dip his feet into the pool. "It would appear that I don't have much of a choice in the matter." She sighed and looked down at her feet that were kicking softly in the water. "I'm just happy you're not Matt. I half expected him to follow after me."

"He tried. Bonnie stopped him."

Elena released a visible sigh of relief at that piece of news. "Good. I can't deal with him right now." Tears instantly flooded her eyes and she furiously shook her head. "How horrible does that sound? I've been with him for four years, things should not be like this."

"Relationships don't always work out how you want them to." It was a harsh reality that he was more than aware of.

"But it should, shouldn't it? If you love someone and you want to be with him or her, it should all work out." Elena's words reminded Damon of just how young she was. The few times he'd encountered her over the past month, he was always surprised that she was the same age as Caroline. She seemed so wise beyond her years most of the time, but hearing her speak about relationships, proved that she was still young, and figuring it all out.

"If life were that simple, the divorce rate would not be what it is. Sometimes, no matter how much you want it to work, it just can't. Life just doesn't work that way." If he were a better man he would find more encouraging words of wisdom for her, but he wasn't, so he didn't.

"Nobody ever tells you this when you're younger. No one sits you down and lets you know that sometimes life is going to suck, and people are just going to flat out hurt you. They never explain that the pain isn't any different just because someone didn't mean to hurt you. There's just talk of following your heart and finding your other half."

"Yeah, well, Disney lied," he shrugged.

"Everyone lied." She lifted the champagne bottle to her lips and tipped the bubbly beverage down her throat. "They should have just been honest."

"It wouldn't have mattered. Cause once you fall in love, that's it. Logic, reason, it all goes out the door. There's nothing analytical about love, it's all about emotions. Sometimes it works and sometimes it tries to take you for every penny you're worth."

"You mean like you and Katherine?" The question is so casual and unexpected that it renders him speechless for a few moments. And the surprise must be obvious on his face, because she is quickly explaining; "I was on the terrace when the two of you were fighting earlier."

"Now who needs to work on their manners?"

She ignored his attempt to brush off her mention of Katherine. "I didn't know you were going through a divorce."

"Yeah, well," he shrugged, trying to appear disinterested. "It happens. One in every two marriages ends in divorce now, right?"

"If you thought that, you wouldn't have gotten married. Did you really think to yourself that it might not work out, but you might as well enjoy it while it lasts?"

"Yes," he told her with what could only sound like utmost sincerity. "That is exactly what I thought on my wedding day. I thought, hey, this thing is bound to end in divorce, so why don't I have some fun and not get a pre-nup, just to make things interesting down the line."

She stared at him for a few moments before she narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "Behavior like this is why you drive Caroline crazy."

"Caroline was crazy when I met her. I did nothing to help her out in that department."

"You antagonize the crap out of her." So, maybe she had a point with that one, but his future sister-in-law wasn't completely defenseless.

"Oh, please," Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Blondie can give as good as she gets. If you don't believe me, ask her about slapping me next time you see her."

Elena's eyes widened in shock. "Caroline slapped you?"

"Yeah," he nodded his head, thinking back on Caroline's attack. "And then she tried to pummel my chest with her fists. This was, of course, after Stefan punched me."

If it was possible, her eyes widened even further. "Stefan punched you?"

"Twice."

Her lips pursed together and she brought a hand over her mouth to try and cover the growing smirk, but soon, a peal of laughter broke free from her lips. It was a deep belly laugh that had her leaning forward as tears poured from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she gasped between laughs. "I'm just picturing Stefan punching you, and it's really funny."

Soon, despite his best efforts, he was laughing too. She was right, there was something purely hilarious about Stefan punching him. His brother was the biggest pacifist he knew. He hadn't been in a fight with anyone but Damon in his entire life. He hated violence.

"You're right, it's funny," he admitted after he stopped laughing, and she was beginning to calm down.

She gently wiped her tears away from beneath her eyes, trying not to smear any of her make-up. "It makes a really funny mental picture." Despite her attempts, she still smeared her eyeliner at the corner of her eye.

He reached up to touch the corner of his eye. "You've got a little spot." She attempted to wipe it off, but without a mirror, she only managed to smear the black spot more. "Here," he leaned forward and brushed his thumb over the spot, until he finally rubbed it away. "There."

Their eyes met over his hand as he continued to softly run his finger over the silky skin of her cheek. His gaze flickered to her mouth as her tongue darted out to lick her lips. "All gone?" she whispered, and he moved his gaze back to find her staring intently at his lips.

"Yeah, all gone."

She swallowed thickly. "Good."

"Yeah," he breathed. "Good."

Everything happened so quickly he didn't know who made the first move. Their lips were suddenly on each other and his fingers delved into the thick tresses of her hair. Her mouth was hot enticing as it moved against his, her teeth occasionally nipping at his bottom lip.

The sound of her moaning when his tongue delved into her mouth only spurred him on. He ran his hands down to her hips and pulled her upper body against his until her breasts were pressed firmly against his chest. He knew it was wrong, that he shouldn't be doing this, but when her tongue slid over his, he couldn't bring himself to truly care.

Things were rapidly spiraling out of control when, like a bucket of cold water, her name being called pulled them apart. "Elena!" Their breaths were coming in short pants as they looked over to the sound of the irritated voice to find that it belonged to Bonnie. Her hands were on her hips as she focused her eyes on her best friend. "Matt is looking for you."

"I'm coming." Elena instantly pulled her feet out of the water and stood up, managing to avoid looking in his direction the entire time. She didn't say another word as she grabbed her shoes and rushed over to her friend, who gave him one last judging look as they went back inside the hotel.

He sighed once they were gone and pushed himself back to his feet. In one night, he'd had a very brutal fight with Katherine, ruined his brother's engagement party, gotten kicked out of the wedding, and made out with the taken maid of honor. This was his life now, one bad decision after the other.

Yet, kissing Elena didn't feel bad. It felt good, and right. She could have gotten mad at him and yelled at him for ruining her best friend's engagement party, but she didn't. She talked to him like he was a real person. There was no agenda behind what she said. She wasn't making polite conversation until she could get away. She didn't care that he had money. She didn't look at him with pitying eyes at the mention of his divorce.

When he'd met Elena that night in the bar, he hadn't thought she'd turn out to be like this. He thought she'd be as flighty as Caroline, and maybe a good time in bed. He'd never thought she'd turn out like this.

His phone rang as he entered the hotel again. The caller ID informed him that it was his brother calling. "Don't tell me she kicked you out of your own place."

"No, she did not kick me out." He could practically hear Stefan rolling his eyes. "I was just calling to say that you still need to show up to get fitted for your suit tomorrow."

"Caroline let me back into the wedding this fast?" he questioned in disbelief.

Stefan hesitated before answering. "Not yet, she's still mad, but she will. So, just show up tomorrow at 1. Don't give her another reason to be mad at you when she changes her mind."

Too late for that.

Damon flashed back on his kiss with Elena. Caroline was going to kill him.


	5. Don't Move

Author's Note: Man, this chapter has been a bitch to write. Nothing seemed to stick. I just could not get the words out. I tried Elena's POV then Damon's and then back to Elena's before anything really came out. Then, like a wall broke, everything just came pouring out today. So, this chapter is pretty long, but I hope you all will like it. Thank you for all of the reviews. I hope you all enjoy it! Read and review!

**Chapter 4**

**Baby, don't move at all  
>Cause you're about to break my fall<strong>

Twenty minutes later, the taxi driver finally pulled up to the curb for Departures at JFK. After a quick apology for the traffic and helping her get her bag out of the trunk, she paid him and sent him on his way. Now, she was staring up at the numerous screens for Departures. She was here and had all of the options in front of her; she just needed to make a decision.

She felt like she was always making some life altering decision. Her whole life was made up of one grand decision after the other. Every time, she'd spend what felt like months agonizing over her decision, only to have one eye opening moment where everything made perfect sense. She'd have some moment of clarity and it was like the answer had been staring her in the face the whole time, she'd just been too blind to see it.

She needed one of those moments of clarity right now. She needed to be able to pick out a destination from one of the screens in front of her, and go with it. Nothing seemed right though. There wasn't anywhere she wanted to go but back to that hotel room and see Damon. She wanted him to tell her that he did love her and he did want to be with her, but if he hadn't done it when she went, he wouldn't change his mind now.

Damon had a very clear outlook on break ups: no matter how much it sucks, when it stops working, you end it. In his mind, they stopped working the second she left for Chicago. She'd pulled the plug and he wasn't going to put it back in.

* * *

><p>"So you're on a break?" Caroline questioned, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.<p>

"Something like that," Elena mumbled as she ran her fingers over one of the discarded wedding gowns in the small dressing room.

She, Caroline, and Bonnie had come dress shopping today, and while the dress consultant was picking out more options for Caroline, she took the opportunity to jump on Elena. The engagement party had been two weeks ago, and her and Matt were barely hanging on by a thread. They were hardly even speaking to each other, and the few times that they had, the conversations had deteriorated rapidly into screaming matches. Last night, he decided they needed time apart for him to think and her to "get the crazy under control".

"Who are you, Ross and Rachel?" Caroline teased.

"More than you think." It was now Bonnie's turn to speak up and throw her thoughts into the fire. "Matt just doesn't know he has anyone to be jealous of."

Elena groaned, knowing her chances of keeping Caroline in the dark about her kiss with Damon were completely shot to hell now. After two weeks, she'd begun to think that she was going to be able to escape this without Caroline knowing. She was feeling enough guilt and confusion over the kiss inside of her own head. She didn't even want to know what she would be feeling once she actually had to talk about it, especially with Caroline, who still hadn't agreed to let Damon back in the wedding.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Caroline's eyes latched onto Elena's nervous gaze through the mirror. "Why would Matt be jealous?"

"Ask Elena."

"Nice," she snapped at Bonnie, who was more than content to throw her in front of a moving bus and leave her there.

"One of you needs to start talking." Caroline's eyes darted between her two friends, waiting for someone fill her in on what was going on. "I don't care who says it, but one of you better spill."

Elena crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "I'm not saying anything." Her mouth was plastered shut. If Bonnie wanted to tell Caroline about what she walked in on that night it was up to her, but she wasn't about to come clean just yet.

Bonnie watched Elena, waiting for her to say something, but when it became clear she really wasn't going to tell Caroline, she turned to the blonde and said, "Elena kissed Damon the night of your engagement party."

"Elena did what?" Elena cringed as Caroline whipped around on the pedestal. She held tightly to the chest of the wedding dress she was trying on as the skirt whipped around her tiny body when she spun around to face Elena and Bonnie. Her bright blue eyes darted between her two friends, waiting for an answer. "You do not just drop that bomb on me and stop talking!"

"You're just on a roll," Elena mumbled beneath her breath as she glared at Bonnie.

"Tell me she's wrong," Caroline demanded. "Tell me that you, Elena Gilbert, Matt's girlfriend of _four_ years, did not kiss _Damon_."

She groaned and rolled her eyes, knowing that her back was pressed against the wall. The cat was out of the bag now. She had to tell Caroline everything. "I was upset and I'd been drinking, and he was really nice."

"Yeah, cause he wanted to get in your pants," Caroline scoffed.

"But I don't think he was," she argued. He hadn't been flirtatious with her that night, nothing like compared to the other times they'd been around each other. He didn't do his weird little eye thing that she'd come to associate with him. He was just nice and honest.

"Stefan is nice to you and you don't go around kissing him."

"I feel bad enough, okay?" she snapped, agitated with what Caroline was implying. In four years, she had never cheated on Matt, never even gotten close. She'd always been loyal to him, and now she felt horrible. He trusted her, and she'd broken that, even if he didn't know it.

"Why would you kiss him? I mean, Damon, of all people? Really, Elena?" Caroline seemed so utterly flabbergasted by the thought that Elena would even give a second glance to Damon. It was as if she couldn't fathom that she'd actually like him as a human being, and not judge him for some of his questionable decisions of late. Granted, she'd never actually seen his very good decisions, but she knew that there was something good inside of him. Even if their entire conversation was an act on his part to sleep with her, she'd still heard his fight with Katherine, and knew that there was more to him than met the eye.

"If you were going to drop the bomb, you could have at least given her the prelude to it all," Elena snapped in Bonnie's direction before looking back at Caroline. "What Bonnie failed to mention, is that Matt told her that he didn't see himself marrying me. A fact I didn't know until that night. I had been perfectly oblivious to the fact that while I believed we were okay, he was trying to figure out when to break up with me. That's why I was upset that night. That's why I drank. And that's why I ended up by that pool, talking to Damon."

Caroline was about to open her mouth and offer another counter argument, when the sales attendant entered the dressing room that they were in for Caroline's search of a wedding gown. "I've brought in a few more options for you." The attendant was soft-spoken as she reentered the room, and Elena feared that she had never had a client quite like Caroline Forbes before.

"I hope they're dramatic." Caroline smiled as she attempted to get a glimpse of the dresses the woman was holding. Her admiration of the dresses only lasted for a few short moments before she continued on with the conversation like they were still alone. "You and Matt fight all the time and you don't make out with guys. I don't get why you'd make out with Damon. Especially after that speech he gave."

"Well, it's not like I was feeling that great about relationships that night either, so I might have understood where he was coming from." At Caroline's furious glare in the mirror, she quickly added, "However, it was completely inappropriate and wrong." She waited for Caroline's face to relax before she continued. "Why is it so hard to believe that we just had a nice conversation, and things just spiraled? One minute he was wiping eyeliner off my face, and the next we were kissing."

It had all started so innocent. She hadn't been able to wipe the eyeliner off without a mirror, so he'd helped her. Then, his eyes locked on hers and it was like they were sucked into another world. All thoughts of right and wrong fell away in that moment. She wasn't the Elena that was upset over the possible ending of her four-year relationship. She wasn't the Elena that couldn't seem to figure out how to move her life forward. She was just the Elena that wanted to kiss Damon in that moment, so she did.

Then, Bonnie came outside and she came crashing back down to earth, where she was very much in a relationship, and he was going through a very nasty divorce. Once she went inside, Bonnie had lectured her until they found Matt, unable to figure out what was going on in Elena's head. Bonnie lived in a world of black and white. There were no shades of grey with her. To her, it was simple; if she wasn't completely happy with Matt then she needed to end it. That's why she needed Caroline on her side with this. If either of her best friends would understand, Caroline would be the one that would come closest.

Things with Matt were in a complete limbo and she didn't even know which way was up or down anymore. She just knew that she loved him, but it didn't seem to be enough. She didn't know if she was ready to throw in the towel yet on their relationship, but she didn't know if she could take that plunge and move in with him.

Thoughts like that were what had gotten her into this mess to begin with. She'd been selfish during the past year, only thinking of what she really wanted. She hadn't given Matt a real option in how their relationship would be. It was really only a matter of time before he decided he was going to have one. They were ultimately at a stalemate.

"Fine, let me see if I can figure this out," Caroline sighed like this was the hardest thing she was ever going to have to say in her life. "You were upset because of Matt, so you kissed Damon, and now you and Matt are on a break. Am I close?"

"Pretty much."

"Do you like Damon?" Caroline cringed as she said the words.

Elena froze, unable to answer the question. In all of her guilt ridden thoughts of that kiss with Damon she never stopped to ask herself how she felt about him, or if she felt anything at all. Her brain had been so focused on the mere fact that she'd betrayed Matt. She hadn't allowed herself to thing beyond the fact that she had wanted to kiss him. If she let herself think about it, she was scared of what conclusion she would come to.

Her feelings about Matt and their relationship were confusing enough without adding Damon into the equation. So, it left her at a loss for words as Caroline and Bonnie stared at her, waiting anxiously for her answer. "I don't know," she confessed quietly, embarrassed with her inability to find a real answer. She had a boyfriend and she'd kissed another man without any thought of the repercussions for her actions. She hadn't thought about how it would hurt Matt. He hadn't even been a thought for her in that moment. And now, two weeks later She still didn't even have a good explanation for it.

"How do you not know?" Bonnie asked, clearly confused. She wished things were as simple for her as they seemed to be for Bonnie. If she held as steadfast to her morals and beliefs as Bonnie did, her life might not be in this place right now.

"I don't know. Everything with Matt has my brain so jumbled I don't know what I feel about anything anymore. All I know is that I love him, but I don't know what to do with that anymore."

As Elena's voice wavered with emotion, Bonnie reached out and ran a comforting hand down her arm. For her harsh reactions sometimes, she was never anything short of supporting.

"Maybe it's time to let him go," Caroline spoke up, her voice gentle and cautious. It was a fine line to dole out relationship advice to a friend. If you advised the friend to end the relationship and she didn't, there was tension for saying it. However, if you advised your friend to stay in a relationship and she didn't, there was tension for encouraging a doomed relationship. There was always the chance that the advice could backfire, but if anyone would give her honest opinion, it would be Caroline. "Right now, you're just treading water and making each other miserable. That's not good for anyone. And if you're going around kissing Damon, I think that speaks to a problem in the relationship that you're not admitting."

"Oh my god," Elena gasped quietly, shock and awe filling her. As the consultant tightened the dress on Caroline, all conversation and thoughts of anything else went out the window. All three women were captivated as they took in the vision in white that reflected in the mirror. The confusion and guilt didn't matter anymore. They'd found the dress.

Caroline's tearful gaze roamed over her appearance in the mirror. Her hands were shaking as she ran her hands over the soft silk of the dress. "This is it," she choked out. "This is the dress."

Bonnie and Elena couldn't take their eyes off of Caroline as they mutely nodded their heads.

That was the dress.

It was daring and bold, demanding nothing less than the full attention of everyone in the room. The dramatic floral detail along the bust gave way into yards of silk that draped softly down to the floor. In short, it was Caroline in every way possible.

After several minutes of the women staring at Caroline in shock, Elena finally found her voice to say, "Stefan is going die when he sees you in that."

A beaming smile blossomed over Caroline's face. "He is, isn't he?"

"I don't think he'll last long enough for the minister to pronounce that he can kiss the bride," Bonnie agreed with Elena. "Caroline, he is going to lose it."

The blonde hopped up and down giddily on the platform, clapping her hands together. "I found a dress!" she exclaimed excitedly. "I'm getting married!"

Elena smiled brightly at Caroline's utter elation over the thought of having found her dress. Her best friend had dreamed of this moment her entire life. When they were children, Caroline would keep them up until the early hours of the morning, mooning over finding her prince charming and getting married one day. They'd spent so many hours imagining this day, and it was finally here.

Two years ago, Caroline set eyes on Stefan Salvatore in the back of her English class and she'd been done. All of their mindless talks of finding a husband suddenly formed into a reality. She never stopped to wonder if Stefan was it. He had her from the very first time he kissed her, and she'd never looked back.

The realization pulled tears to her eyes as she watched Caroline and Bonnie hug. She realized that she never had that with Matt. There was love and comfort, but there had never been the heart wrenching desire to never leave his side. She didn't look at Matt and feel glee over their future like Caroline did with Stefan. She looked at him and felt fear over what would happen if she gave into that future.

In a small dressing room nestled into the heart of a Manhattan bridal shop, Elena realized that there wasn't really any confusion about what she felt for Matt. The confusion was about what she didn't feel and why she didn't feel it. As the silent tears slipped down her cheeks that she masked with a shaky smile, she felt her heart breaking inside for what she now understood. Matt was never going to be the one. She was never going to wake up one morning and know that she was ready.

If she were, the kiss with Damon never would have happened. If Matt was the one, she wouldn't have poured her heart out to a man she barely knew instead of the man that had been by her side for four years. If Matt were the one, she wouldn't have to wonder, she would already know.

This crippling thought stayed with Elena for the rest of the day. It followed her through Caroline's purchase of the dress. It followed her through her trip to buy groceries for her apartment. And it had followed her to work, where she was now, hauling in a box of vodka from the storage as she prepared for the bar to open in an hour.

As if a signal had gone out that something had changed inside of her head, or more so clicked into place, Matt had been calling her all day. Her phone had been ringing nonstop since she got to the bar. Every time she looked down and saw that it was Matt calling, she ignored the call. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet. She didn't know what she was going to say or how she would even say it once she could figure out the words. So she avoided him, like she always did when she wasn't ready to face something.

Elena's phone rang for what felt like the one-hundredth time in the past few hours. This time, she didn't bother to look down to see Matt's name staring back at her once again. She pressed the ignore button and went about drying the glass in her hand. She wouldn't avoid him forever, just for now. That was what she was telling herself at least.

"Now that's just cold." Elena gasped at the unexpected voice, her head shooting up to see Damon sauntering into the bar, a teasing smirk on his face and a bottle of scotch in his hands. "I come all the way across town to see you, only to find out you are ignoring my calls. That hurts, Elena."

Her racing heart soon began to settle once she realized it wasn't some complete stranger who had wandered in off the street. Then her heart began racing again, because it wasn't a stranger who had wandered in off the street, it was Damon. "What are you doing here?"

He slid onto a bar stool, not phased in the slightest by her accusatory question. "Why are you ignoring my calls?"

She set the glass in her hands down on the bar. "I thought you were somebody else."

"Now I'm intrigued." He set the bottle of scotch down on the bar and pushed it toward her. "I'd like a scotch on the rocks."

Slightly amused, Elena picked up the bottle and stared down at the expensive brand. "You brought your own scotch to a bar?"

"My tastes are a little more refined than what you offer here."

Knowing there was no point in trying to deny it, she went about pouring him a glass of the aged alcohol. "So, what exactly are you doing here?"

"Blondie still hasn't let me back in the wedding, so I told Stefan that I would be on my best behavior to convince Caroline to let me be best man again." His voice was casual as he tried to play it all off as a joke, but she could see that he underneath it all, he might actually be worried about it.

She tossed the towel she was holding down and leaned onto the bar. "Where do I come into this whole best behavior thing?"

"For starters, we can start planning the bachelor and bachelorette party. For another, you can try to avoid any mention of the fact that we kissed, at least until after the wedding." She cringed at the mention of the kiss, and he quickly jumped on the look. "Let me guess, she already knows."

"If it helps, I wasn't the one who told her. I didn't want her to know either."

He pondered over this bit of information for a moment as he sipped on his scotch. After a moment he looked at her and asked, "On a scale of one to Caroline, how mad is she?"

"Actually, she's not really mad. She was confused, but I don't think it really has to do with you so much as me."

This seemed to capture his full attention. "What do you have to do with it? I thought Caroline would think I practically forced myself onto you."

"Okay," Elena finally conceded with a small smile. "So she might have initially blamed you."

"Why doesn't she now?"

"Maybe she realizes that I'm not 12 and you can't manipulate me?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow. "And maybe she knows that I wouldn't kiss you unless there was something else going on." Damon opened his mouth to say something, but Elena quickly cut him off. "Why don't we talk about Las Vegas? The bar opens soon, so we should probably focus on the important things."

"But it's so fun," Damon taunted with a grin, but it wasn't easy and comfortable like that night at the pool. Suddenly, the gentle ease with which they'd talked that night was gone. Her stomach was aflutter with something akin to butterflies that she couldn't quite figure out. He was looking at her with a teasing smile, but it didn't feel teasing or lighthearted. It felt like he was searching for something.

"I have a boyfriend," Elena finally reminded him, although she was also maybe reminding herself. She couldn't focus on the kiss. She had to focus on Matt and how she was going to handle everything with him, and Damon being here did not help with that. She didn't know how he could act so casual about it when she'd just seen that he was genuinely worried about not being allowed back in his brother's wedding. For everything Caroline said about Damon, she always acknowledged that he had a deep affection for his younger brother. He should be focused on making sure he got back in the wedding, not on their kiss.

"Oh, is that still going on?" Damon smirked with feigned surprise. "I would have thought that was over the night you stormed out of the engagement party crying."

Annoyed, she snapped, "It's a four-year relationship. You don't just end it because things are going a little rough." In reality, she knew that that was exactly what she was going to do soon. Tonight or tomorrow or a few days from now, her relationship with Matt would be over. She wasn't ready to acknowledge it out loud though, especially not to Damon, who she still barely knew, despite the kiss they shared.

"That's exactly what you do. Once the relationship stops working, you pull the plug."

"Like you and Katherine?" she countered.

Damon's eyes hardened at the mention of his ongoing divorce. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Caroline is my best friend, and she's always talking about how you and Katherine can never really pull the plug. She says the two of you fight over everything in the divorce settlement just so you don't actually have to sign the divorce papers."

"Now why on earth would I do that?" he asked, like he couldn't possibly think of a reason why he would ever engage in such tactics.

"Because she's your wife and you love her, and according to Caroline, in some twisted, messed up way, Katherine actually loves you too."

Damon's clear blue eyes penetrated her gaze, and she found that she couldn't look away. She'd hit a nerve inside of him, said something she probably shouldn't have, but he was just staring at her, completely silent. There was something unnerving about it all. She felt as if he was seeing straight through what she was saying and down to what she really meant.

Her phone suddenly sprang to life and Elena reluctantly broke her gaze to glance down to see Matt's name flashing in front of her. Before she could press ignore Damon's hand snatched her phone up and pressed answer. "Elena Gilbert's phone." Panicked, she desperately reached out for her phone and tried to pull it from him, but he easily evaded her attempts. "Who may I ask is calling?" he paused for a moment before continuing, "Matt? The name isn't ringing any bells. Are you sure you don't have the wrong Elena?"

"Give me the damn phone," she hissed at him, still trying to snatch it away from him.

"I'm the guy that's with Elena. Who are you?"

With all the effort she had, she practically launched herself onto the bar and ripped her phone from Damon's hand. "Matt?" she called out when she jumped back down to the floor. "Are you there?"

"Who the hell is that, Elena?" Matt shouted at her.

"It's nobody," she quickly explained, flashing angry eyes on Damon. "Just some guy being a dick."

"I've been trying to get you all day and finally this guy answers and says that he's with you. What the hell is going on?"

"Look, it's just Stefan's brother, okay? He answered the phone before I could stop him."

"Why are you even with Stefan's brother? He's not even in the wedding."

"I'm at the bar and he came to talk about the bachelor and bachelorette party. It's nothing, I promise."

"Whatever," Matt sighed, clearly still irritated. "You're obviously busy, so just call me later." Before she could say anything, he hung up, leaving her staring down at her phone wondering what in the hell had just happened.

After the shock wore off, she looked up at Damon, livid with what he'd done. "That was a dick move."

Damon shrugged and stood up from his stool. "I've been told I tend to make a lot of those."

She picked up his bottle of scotch and shoved it at him. "I think you need to leave. I have work I need to do."

"Yes, I'll let you get back to your busy schedule. You obviously have your hands full with your boyfriend, so I'll handle things with Las Vegas."" He pulled a few 20s out of his wallet and threw them onto the bar even though he hadn't actually purchased any alcohol. "By the way, that inability you say I have to pull the plug on my marriage? Mediation ended today. Maybe next time you should consult your facts before you listen to everything Caroline has to say."

As she watched Damon walk away she felt remorse over what she'd just said to him. It hadn't been her place to say what she had about his marriage. "Damon, wait!" she called out to him before he could get out the door. She ran around from behind the bar and rushed over to him. "I'm sorry," she apologized when she ran in front of him to block his path. "I shouldn't have said that. My situation with Matt is different. It would be concerning if you thought it was easy to end your marriage."

"There's no need to apologize," he told her, his voice tight. The muscle in his jaw twitched as he looked down at her. "Are you going to move or do I have to move you?"

She tried to find something – anything to say to pull her foot out of her mouth and fix this situation, but she didn't know what to say. His marriage was one step closer to being over after today, and she'd just told him that he'd been too scared to do it. It was a line she shouldn't have crossed, and she felt horrible. Before she could think through what she was saying, she'd blurted out, "Have dinner with me."

His eyes widened a fraction of an inch as he stared back at her. "Excuse me?"

"I just ungracefully put my mouth where it didn't belong."

"So why does that translate to dinner? I don't need a pity date."

"It's not a date and it's not out of pity," she quickly corrected him. "Besides, we really do need to figure out everything with Las Vegas. So, dinner?"

"Why should I say yes?"

"Okay, now you're just being obnoxious. Do you want a free dinner or not?" She might feel bad for what she'd said, but she wasn't going to beg.

"What about your job?"

"Mark will be here in 20 minutes. He can hold down the fort for a few hours."

He seemed to contemplate her answer for a few moments, before finally nodding his head. "Fine, you've talked me into it."

A smile broke out across her face and she released a relieved sigh. "Good, just let me leave Mark a note, and we can leave." She rushed over to the bar, where she pulled a piece of paper and a pen from her purse. She scribbled out a short note explaining that she would be back soon, and she'd give him half of her tips that she made after she got back. Once she grabbed the keys and her purse she turned off all the lights and walked back over to Damon. "Okay, let's get out of here."

He held the door open for her and as she passed by him he said, "You better not take me someplace crappy. Katherine is walking away with my house and 20 million dollars."

"Jesus," she gasped, practically dropping the keys from her fingers. "Who the hell walks away with that much money from a divorce?"

"My wife."

She looked up at him as they began walking. "I really am sorry about your divorce. It can't be easy."

Damon groaned and rolled his eyes. "If we're going to talk about my divorce the whole time, I'm going to turn around right now and go home, while I still have one."

Catching on that he didn't want to talk about Katherine, she held up her hands in surrender. "No more divorce talk. In fact, I won't even say the word. It doesn't exist."

"I like where your head is at." As they came to a corner, Damon looked around, clearly unfamiliar with this part of town. "So, where are we going? I have no idea what's around here."

"Well, there's this trendy little dumpster down that alley over there," she began with a light chuckle. "You act like I'm leading you into the valley of death or something. There's actually a really good Thai restaurant two blocks down."

Soon, they were nestled into a corner booth at one of her favorite restaurants by her work. She was happy to find that things were returning to how they had been the other night by the pool. All divorce talk had ceased since she banned the word, and they were actually enjoying a lighthearted conversation about Stefan.

"He thought he was going to keep it hidden under his bed and nobody would ever notice. I caught him trying to take it for a walk in the middle of the night, in his Spider Man pajamas and rain boots."

She laughed at the mental picture of a little Stefan trying to sneak out of his house in the middle of the night. "He just wanted to help a puppy."

"It belonged to the family on the 15th floor," he exclaimed a little too loudly. When he got more than one annoyed glare from a few of the patrons he lowered his voice and leaned closer to her. Apparently, he found out that some cultures eat dogs as a delicacy, so he started thinking anyone who owned a dog was going to eat it for dinner."

"He did not!"

"Yes, he did," Damon insisted, still smiling. "And so he wouldn't get in trouble, I had to sneak the dog back down to the 15th floor, where I knocked on the owner's door and then ran up to the next floor before taking the elevator back up to our penthouse." He swallowed the remaining contents of his beverage, setting the empty glass on the table in front of him. "He may be smart now, but the kid was not bright."

"You really do love him," she said in soft wonderment, never seeing the depths of it until now. She could hear it in his voice when he talked about Stefan, and even though he did his fair share to make his brother mad, he really did love him.

Damon tilted his head, confused by her observation. "I might pick on him incessantly, but he's still my baby brother."

"I know, it's just, hearing you talk about him and how you talk about everyone else, you're different. That's all I meant."

A shadow crossed over Damon's features and he leaned back in his seat, putting distance between them again. "I know my reputation and that I've more than earned it, but Stefan is Stefan. Caroline can say what she wants, but he's my brother. He's all I have."

"Don't you work for your father?"

"That's different. Surely you have a vastly different relationship with your parents than you do with your sibling."

Elena's throat constricted at the mention of her parents. All these years later it still hurt when she thought about them and how she'd never see them again. She may have made peace with her parents' deaths, but it didn't make the pain go away. "They're dead."

His tapping fingers stilled immediately on the table. "I'm sorry. Caroline had never said anything."

"It's fine," she quickly tried to assure him. "It was 5 years ago, so it's been a while."

"But they were still your parents."

At the distance in his voice, she remembered Caroline telling her that Stefan's mom died when he was just a child. She knew that Damon understood her sense of loss. "How old were you when your mom died?"

He glanced down at the table when he answered her. "I was 12." Before she could talk herself out of it, she reached her hand across the table and gently squeezed his hand. His head quickly shot up at the gesture, his eyes slightly wide with shock. "We knew that it was coming, so I got to say goodbye and all of that stuff that doesn't really make a difference in the end."

The short moment was interrupted as the waitress approached their table, a pad and pen poised in her hands. "Are you ready to order?"

Damon looked down at the menu he had yet to open and then back at Elena. "Since you picked the place, you can pick the food. I am deferring to your expertise."

"That's a dangerous choice," she warned with a small smile before she looked up at the waitress. "We'll have the Yellow Curry."

The waitress quickly copied down the order and retrieved their menus, her eyes lingering a few moments too long on Damon. "Your order will be ready shortly."

Elena watched the waitress walk away before looking back at Damon. "She thinks you're hot."

Damon smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "Most women do." She rolled her eyes and shook her head, but she couldn't keep herself from smiling. "Don't give me that look. You got checked out at least five times on our way here. You can't tell me your ego isn't stroked by the male sex's appreciation of your looks."

"Are you saying I'm hot?" she teased.

"Damn straight. You are sexy and you know it."

A blush crept over Elena's cheeks at Damon's compliment. She knew that she was attractive. She got hit on by plenty of men at work, but something about hearing Damon say he thought she was attractive made her giddy. He was married to a model, and she was just a bartender that walked around in cheap clothes, but he thought _she_ was sexy. It was flattering and slightly embarrassing at the same time.

"Well, thank you for the compliment."

"Just calling it like I see it." To her surprise, he gave her a few moments to get her blushing under control before he continued their conversation. "So, how in the world did all three of you girls end up in New York?"

Elena shrugged her shoulders before answering, "Caroline wanted to study fashion at NYU. I wanted to study writing at Columbia, and Caroline didn't really give Bonnie an option. We've never gone more than a week without seeing each other since we were 6. We just couldn't stand to go separate ways."

"You three make an interesting group."

"I know we're different, but they're my best friends and they never judge me, no matter what."

Damon swirled the ice around in his drink as he pondered over his next words. "I guess that comes in handy when I'm involved. I'm sure I bring out the knee jerk reaction to judge."

"You bring out something."

"Clever."

Elena's phone beeped, notifying her of a new text. She picked up her phone from the table and her throat went dry as she read the message from Matt. _So much for being at the bar. _"Crap," she groaned.

"What? Caroline having a wedding crisis?"

She dropped her phone back to the table, at a loss for what she could say back to him. No matter what she said he was going to be mad at her. "Matt went to the bar."

Damon cringed. "Yeah, that's probably my fault. Sorry."

"I'm the one who keeps lying to him."

"I'm assuming he doesn't know about the kiss?"

"God no,!" she exclaimed. "Our problems are big enough without adding that into it. If he found out, he'd hate me. We're already going to have a bad breakup as it is."

"What happened to not giving up when things get a little rough?" he questioned.

She knew he was throwing her earlier words back in her face, and she figured she brought that one on herself. "If I tell you this, do you promise to not make fun of me for it or call me a stupid girl?"

"I don't know, depends on what it is." She narrowed her eyes to glare at him. "Alright, I won't pick on you if you tell me."

Elena looked down at her phone again before looking back up at Damon. "From the moment your brother kissed Caroline, she was a goner. From the very beginning, he was it for her. There were no doubts or fears. She just knew, and the truth is that I've never truly known with Matt. Things have always been so easy, so I just thought it meant we were supposed to be together forever, but it's not. When I think about marrying him it scares me because I'm scared that I'll lose who I am, because I'm just not ready. And if I'm not ready by now, then I'm never going to be ready." She averted her gaze downward as she felt the onslaught of tears coming. "God, I can't believe I'm doing this again around you."

This time it was Damon that reached out and grabbed her hand in a soft moment of reassurance. "Break ups aren't easy, especially when you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with someone."

"How do you do it? Even when you know you have to, how do you end it?" She wiped her face before looking up at him again.

"I don't think you should take advice from me on how to end a relationship." At her continued questioning gaze, he softly explained, "I handed Katherine divorce papers in bed."

"When you woke up one morning?" she asked, almost scared of the answer.

"No, I wasn't that kind. I had sex with her, got out of bed, grabbed a suitcase of hers that I'd packed, handed it to her along with the divorce papers, and told her to get out."

"I'll put that down on my 'How to Not Break Up With Matt' list."

"That's probably wise," he advised her, but then his face turned serious. "There's no right way to end a relationship, especially not one that's lasted for so long. All you can do is tell him that you can't be with him. Whether you're gentle or not is up to you, but either way it's going to suck."

As Damon imparted his advice on her, she wondered how this could be the same man that had stolen her phone from her earlier and purposely made problems between her and Matt. He'd do things like that and say horrible things that he shouldn't, but then he'd say things like this. He'd reach across the table and grab her hand because she was upset. She rarely saw him be nice to anyone. What was so different about her?

"Why are you so nice to me?" she blurted out, unable to stop herself.

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Am I not supposed to be?"

"You're not even nice to Caroline most of the time. So, why are you nice to me? I sit here and I cry on you and whine about my relationship. I'm barely nice to me right now."

"Well, when you get past your poor choice in friends, you're actually not the worst company in the world. I know I'm a little self-absorbed but I haven't been clueless these past couple months. You somehow manage to stay calm around Caroline when she's having her fifth wedding meltdown of the night. You work your ass off in a job that I wouldn't survive a night in. Your sense of humor is actually on point most of the time, and you actually talk to me."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Most women just flirt or try to figure out the quickest way into my wallet. I'm the hot bachelor to land now that I'm on the market again, but no one actually has a conversation with me, and if they tried, they probably couldn't even hold one, but you can. So, what I'm getting at is, you're a decent person, Elena Gilbert."

"Even if I made out with you while I have a boyfriend?"

The corner of his mouth pulled up toward a smirk. "I have no reason to file any complaints about your morals that night."

She smiled at his words. "You know what, Damon? You're not so bad yourself." She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek as the waitress approached their table with their dinner. "Now, let's get some food in you before you're tossed out on the street and left begging for money in Central Park."


	6. Futuristic Lover

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the little delay on this chapter, things didn't quite flow, and then I've been super busy. I'm moving in these next couple weeks, so I'm going through the whole process of getting all of that sorted out. I'm going to try and write a little ahead of what I'm posting, just in case things get crazy busy right around the time of the move. Anyway, this is another long chapter, but I hope you will all enjoy it. As always, read and review!

**Chapter 5**

**You're from a whole other world**  
><strong>A different dimension<strong>  
><strong>You open my eyes<strong>  
><strong>And I'm ready to go, lead me into the light <strong>

"Okay, I come baring rings!" Alaric Saltzman swooped into the hotel suite, a triumphant smile on his face. He took one look between Damon and Stefan separated on different sides of the room, a cold chill passing between the brothers, and the smile instantly fell from his face. "Did you call off the wedding?"

Damon lifted his head and glared at his best friend. "No, I did not call off the wedding."

"Then what did I miss?" he questioned, clearly at a loss as to what it was he'd walked in on.

"Elena asked Damon to call off the wedding," Stefan clarified after a moment of silence.

Alaric's eyes widened at the news, but he also didn't seem very shocked. "Well shit."

"I told her no and she left. Stefan seems to think there's more to this story, but there's not. You have the rings and I'm still getting married, and that's that."

"Damon," Alaric began, but quickly closed his mouth at the look Damon shot him. "Stefan, here are the rings, try not to lose them." He walked over to Stefan to pass off the rings before moving to the bar. "Things are way too serious in here. I think we could all use a drink right now. What do you say?"

"I don't think alcohol is really the best idea right now," Stefan spoke up from the other end of the room. Alaric lifted his head and gave his brother a look, which must have done the trick, because Stefan was quickly making his way toward the bar as well, a smile on his face. "Okay, shots? I think we could all use a shot."

* * *

><p>Damon was silent as he looked around at the penthouse that had been his home for the past six years. It was the first house he'd ever really owned, and now it was going to Katherine. All of his clothes and a few pieces of furniture were moved out yesterday, and the rest he was leaving to Katherine. The divorce was final, and all of the money from the settlement was in her bank account. The only thing left to do was hand the keys over and they were officially done forever.<p>

The thought still sounded foreign to him. He was divorced. Before the age of 30, he'd been married and divorced. It was a chilling realization to think about, and so he'd tried to avoid it in the past few days. He'd prepared himself for it, made peace with it, but it was fresh and still stung.

Katherine was currently walking the length of the black sectional, running her finger over the leather like she'd never been inside of the penthouse before. "I guess this is the end of the road for us."

"It would appear that way." He held up the silver key that he'd removed from his key chain and held it up high for her to see before dropping it onto the floor. "There's my key."

She paused at the end of the couch and pivoted on her heel to look at him. "Why did you do it? Why did you finally give in with this place? You wanted to keep it more than anything."

"I guess I wanted us to be over more," he told her honestly. He had intended to fight to the death for this penthouse, but during that final day of mediation, after four hours of constant back and forth arguments over every little thing, he realized that he didn't want to fight anymore. Things with them were ending on a bad enough note without dragging the divorce out for even longer.

And when he looked across that conference room table at the shell of a woman that used to be his wife, he knew that he was ready to end it all for good. He was ready to say goodbye to her and deal with the mess she'd left in her wake.

"I really thought you'd last longer. I was surprised."

"I was just tired. I was tired of hemorrhaging money. I was tired of having to explain to my father why we couldn't work anything out. I was tired of us being plastered all over Page Six. Most of all, I was just tired of fighting with you. It was exhausting and pointless, and I just wanted it to be over. I wanted _us_ to be over."

Slowly, Katherine walked toward him, a cryptic look on her face. "You can't really be surprised with how it all went down. We loved hard and fought harder. It was inevitable that once the love was gone that this would all turn into a war."

"So you can admit that you did love me." For months she'd acted as if there had never been any love between them, that everything had all been one elaborate act. Some days he believed it. Other days, he didn't.

A dark shadow passed over her face, and the part of him that believed he could read her once upon a time would swear that he saw remorse swimming in her gaze. "I married you."

"You did," he agreed. That had been one of the happiest days of his life. Things were still good with them then. In fact, things had always been good with them until one day, they just weren't. It took him months to realize that things had gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way, but one day, he woke up and looked at her lying next to him in bed and realized that he didn't even know her anymore. It had been one of the most painful realizations in his life. "God, what happened to us, Katherine? Was I really delusional for the entire five years we were together? Did I imagine everything?"

Katherine looked down at her feet for a few moments, a war raging inside of her. A part of her was fighting to be honest, and another part was battling to inflict as much pain as possible. She lifted her head to meet his gaze again. "You weren't delusional," she said quietly.

"So what happened? Where did it all go wrong?"

"What does it matter? You hate me, and the divorce is final. It's all over now."

"Most days I do hate you," Damon acknowledged. "I hate everything about you some days, but I think what I always hate most, is knowing we did love each other and you gave up on us."

"You threw me out, Damon. While I was naked in bed, no less."

Damon shook his head. "We were done before I served you with divorce papers. You'd been running around for months acting like you were single."

"I never cheated on you."

"That's debatable." They'd gone around in circles about her fidelity or infidelity for months. She said she never crossed the line from flirting. He didn't believe her. In his mind, anyone who had the balls to hit on her husband's brother had the balls to cheat on her husband as well.

She looked at him, her eyes fierce and unwavering. "I _never_ cheated on you."

"You didn't have to!" he yelled at her. "One minute you were fine and normal, and the next you were stabbing me in the back. Maybe you didn't physically cheat on me before I handed you divorce papers, but you threw yourself at every man in sight for months. Then, some nights you'd be like you were when I married you. That's what I can't figure out Katherine. Some days, everything was fine, and you acted as if you did love me, but others, you acted like you couldn't stand the sight of me, telling me that you never really wanted me, and I was just a fun time."

"I have my reasons for why I do what I do." She shrugged her shoulders, back to being completely casual, like nothing truly affected her.

"Care to share them?"

A flurry of a smile passed over Katherine's lips before she spoke. "You've been spending a lot of time with Elena Gilbert."

Damon stiffened at Katherine's words. "What are you talking about?"

"People talk, Damon. Did you really think people weren't going to notice you running around with a little girl that could pass for my sister?"

"She's the maid of honor in Stefan's wedding, that's all. And she's not a little girl, she's 22."

Katherine raised her eyebrow skeptically. "Really? Are you going to tell me you're not sleeping with her?"

"I am single as single can be, Katherine."

"You brought her to your favorite club the other night." At his curious look, she continued on. "I was there. I saw you."

"She needed a friend. That's all we are." Three nights ago, after dinner at Stefan's, he'd dragged Elena out with him. She and Matt were in the awkward phase where they weren't broken up, but they weren't together. According to her, most of their things had been removed from the other's places, but they were still having talks about the relationship.

He couldn't exactly blame her for dragging her feet on ending the relationship. Sometimes, even after you knew it was over, it was hard to officially end it, because then it was real. He'd done the exact same thing with Katherine. By the time he had divorce papers drawn up, he'd known for almost a month that there was no chance of reconciliation for them. He'd known the truth, but it had still taken time to follow through on what he knew needed to be done.

Elena would end her relationship with Matt soon; it was just taking time. So, after she'd mentioned that Matt and her had spent nearly all of the night before talking in circles about their relationship, he told her that she had to come out with him because she had a night off and she deserved to get away with it all. The night had been fun – they'd had fun, and nothing immoral happened. He was a gentleman that had kept his hands to himself, as much as he hadn't always wanted to.

"Whatever you say," Katherine finally conceded. "But just so you know, she likes you."

"Okay, let's just stop talking about this. We were married, this is weird." Damon wanted the conversation over, and he wanted it over quickly. The last thing he needed Katherine to see was that he was genuinely intrigued to know if she really thought Elena liked him. It was stupid though. She still hadn't broken up with Matt, and even if she had, Caroline would murder him if they slept together.

She'd just agreed to let him back in the wedding yesterday. He couldn't go and blow it this soon. He also didn't want to discuss anything that could even remotely relate to his love life with Katherine. There were some lines that didn't need to be crossed and that was certainly one of them.

"If you say so," Katherine conceded, probably for the first and last time in her life. "Well, I guess this is it."

The cold reality fell upon them as she motioned to the door. This was it, the end of it all. Once he walked out this door, it was all over. After months of fighting and refusing to fully let go on either side, everything was finally settled. Legally, they were nothing to each other. Romantically, they were now only former lovers who communicated far better in bed than they ever had out of it. And psychologically, none of those other things mattered. In some ways, she would always be his wife, and he would always remember the contours of her body and just where her most sensitive spots were. He might be able to look at her without pain and longing, but he'd still always know.

"I'll be on my way now." Damon walked over to the front door and opened it for the last time. He could hear Katherine trailing closely behind him, her heels tapping softly on the hardwood floors. He stopped and turned around to face her. "We were good once, Katherine," he told her softly, leaning against the doorframe.

The smile that stretched her lips was one he had not seen in years on her face. She reached out to cup his cheek softly in her hand. "We were great." Slowly, she closed the space between them and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, the final one they would ever share. It was a small, whisper of a kiss and then she was pulling back, her hand falling down to her side. "Goodbye Damon."

"Goodbye, Katherine." And with that he stepped into the hallway as Katherine closed the door, not only to the first home he'd ever owned, but also to the chapter of his life that had been devoted to her. That time was over, and it was now time to move forward.

So that was what he was going to do tonight. He was going to round everyone up and go out. There would be drinks and women and drinks. He needed lots of alcohol. Tonight, Katherine's memory would haunt him; he knew that. As much as he prepared himself for this day, the cool night would still unveil the failure of it all. His failure. Her failure. Their failure.

He pulled out his phone and quickly located his best friend's number in his cell phone and pressed send. It took a few rings, but Alaric finally answered. "No, yes, and one hour."

"I didn't even say anything."

"No, I'm not introducing you to any of my students. Yes, you can crash at my place again, and I'll meet you at our spot in an hour."

Damon smiled at Ric's words. "You know me so well."

"I know, it's getting a little scary."

"I'm going to ignore that and hang up now. See you in an hour." He rolled his eyes as he disconnected the call. Damon wasn't a man that had very many friends; he really didn't like people enough to have friends. Ric, had been his friend since college, and he was always ready to have a drink, or five.

While they might be worlds different, the friendship had actually managed to work for almost 10 years. Ric probably let him get away with more than he should, much like Stefan, but he knew how to rein Damon in when necessary. Overall, Ric was a good friend to him. He'd learned through his life that good friends were in short supply, so he actually tried not to piss Alaric off too much most of the time. And most of the time he failed.

Tonight he would try to not do that though, because he needed to get his mind off of everything running through his head. Katherine hadn't been too far off base when she'd hinted around about him and Elena. She might not like him, but he did like her. There was something about her that intrigued him. When she talked, he couldn't help but listen. And when she moved, he couldn't look away.

The other night, as he'd watched her dance, her narrow hips swaying and gyrating to the beat, his hands had burned with the desire to reach out and pull her body against his. He wanted to feel her hips against his, her hands sliding down his chest and under his shirt. He never did though. He watched and admired, because she didn't need for him to hit on her, and he needed to not piss off his future sister-in-law. Again.

He needed Alaric to tell him to keep it in his pants and keep his thoughts platonic. The last thing he needed was to drag someone like Elena into the mess of his life. He had no business with her. She was nice and kind. She genuinely cared about people. He, on the other hand, was rude and arrogant. The only person he could bring himself to treat with some amount of love was Stefan. He was a black hole that nobody deserved to get sucked into.

He told himself that this was what he needed Alaric to remind him of as he walked into DeSantos, a little Italian restaurant down in the West Village. He found Ric already sitting at a table, a drink in hand. He smiled and motioned toward the waiter as Damon made his way to the table. After he sat down and ordered his drink, Ric looked him over before speaking. "So, is this a celebration dinner or a "What the hell have I done with my life?" dinner?"

"Mixture of both?"

"So double the alcohol?"

Damon laughed and shook his head. "I like where your head is at."

They were silent for a moment as Alaric watched him, possibly waiting for him to say something. When Damon stayed quiet, he finally asked, "So, you're officially out of the penthouse?"

"Yup," he nodded. "Gave her my key and everything."

"Well, I don't see any bruises, so it went okay? I was kind of expecting World War III from the two of you."

Damon shrugged as he picked up his drink that the waiter just set down in front of him. "As well as it can go, I guess. I'm officially a divorced man." The words felt slightly awkward on his tongue. It was the first time he'd ever said it out loud to anyone other than Katherine. "We talked. We had a halfway decent conversation."

"Like with words and no yelling?"

"Yeah, surprisingly enough. We actually talked and it wasn't bad. She was kind of normal. She was almost Katherine."

"Okay," Alaric cut in, a worried tone in his voice. "I'm gonna end this before it begins. You and Katherine are a horrible idea. So, don't even go there, just shut it out. She may have been normal tonight, but the girl is still out of her mind, bat shit crazy."

"She wasn't always like that, Ric. You know she wasn't." He immediately fell back into the habit of defending Katherine, no matter what she'd done, but after the words were out of his mouth, he quickly realized he didn't need to. He didn't really need to defend her or protect her. "Okay, I didn't mean it like that. I don't want to get back together with Katherine, that ship has long since sailed. I'm just saying I think it helped. I think ending things like this, acknowledging that there were good times, makes things easier. Plus, being angry with her is just too exhausting."

Ric eyed him skeptically for a few moments. "You sure you're not running through possible scenarios of you two getting back together?" Damon opened his mouth to speak, but before he could talk, Ric warned him, "Do not lie to me."

His first instinct was to tell Ric to screw off, but he caught himself before he bit his friend's head off. This was what he wanted, right? He needed a healthy dose of honesty and reality right now, which meant he needed to bite his tongue for an hour or two. "I'm being honest when I say that I don't want to get back together with Katherine. We had a good run before things got bad, but I know that we can never go back to that. What happened, happened, and we're done."

"And you're completely okay with that? I know you, Damon. If you're not completely sure that you're done with Katherine, you will go right back down this road in a few months. You did it when you were separated, and you'd do it even if you're divorced."

He tried not to cringe at the reminder of the brief period of time that he and Katherine spent sleeping together after they'd already split up. He hadn't filed for divorce yet, but she had already moved out. After a month, he got beyond wasted one night and showed up at her hotel room, where they proceeded to sleep together. For the following two weeks they made a brief stab at reconciliation, but everything was still falling apart. When he couldn't deny the truth anymore, he had the divorce papers drawn up, and the next night, she was gone.

Once he filed for divorce though, there was no turning back for him. He hadn't taken that move lightly. Divorce had been the absolute last thing he ever wanted for his marriage, but he'd known that they couldn't stay married, not when their relationship had deteriorated to fights and angry sex. That was how he knew that he was not going to go back down that road with Katherine again. When he said that he was done, he meant it.

"I don't know if I'd say that I'm completely okay with it all. I'm divorced, and it sucks. I just know that I'm done with Katherine. There's no way I'm going back to try my chances at losing another 20 million dollars."

Alaric looked up and saw that the waiter was coming toward their table. "On that note, let's order some food."

Damon opened his menu to glance down at his options even though he knew what he would most likely order. "You're paying tonight. I need to start saving my money."

Ric smiled and shook his head at the suggestion. "You don't think I'm stupid enough to buy that, do you?"

"I'm homeless. Be nice to me."

This time, Ric laughed in his face. "Even down 20 million dollars and a house, you still have more money than I will ever make in a lifetime. You're buying me dinner."

"Asshole," Damon muttered as the waiter reached their table.

"So, is anyone else coming out tonight?" Ric asked some time after their food had been delivered.

"I called Stefan on my way here and told him that he should come out with Caroline. She just let me back in the wedding. I guess I should buy some drinks for her or something."

Ric's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he looked at Damon. "Wanna tell me the real reason you want to invite your brother and Caroline?"

"I need to play nice."

"You never play nice with Caroline."

Damon groaned and rolled his eyes, knowing that he was busted. "If Caroline comes, that means she'll bring her maid of honor."

"Tell me you're not sleeping with the maid of honor."

"I'm not sleeping with her," he insisted. "We're just friends."

"You don't have female friends that you haven't slept with."

"I resent that."

Ric raised an eyebrow. "Name one girl that you are friends with that you haven't slept with. One."

Suddenly, as Damon thought through his female friends, he realized Ric was right. He'd slept with every woman that he associated with. "Well," he sighed, "I guess this is why I shouldn't sleep with Elena."

"Knowing you, I'm sure there are about 50 reasons while you shouldn't. Most of them are about you." Ric set his fork down on his plate and leaned back in his chair. "I know you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to offer some advice anyway. Do yourself a favor and keep it in your pants for a little bit. Things got really ugly between you and Katherine, and you need some time to recover from it all. Just be single and enjoy it. The women will still be throwing themselves at you in a few months. And hey, to make it more appealing, the longer you stay off the market, the more they'll want you."

"God," Damon groaned and rolled his eyes. "You and Stefan should have skipped the whole teaching thing and studied psychology. You two hand out more advice than anyone could ever ask for."

"We wouldn't give it out so much if you didn't need it," Ric teased him.

"Whatever, let's just pay for our meal and leave." He might want Ric to talk some sense into him, but Ric didn't need to know that.

It was easy enough to get Ric off the topic of things he shouldn't be doing for the next few months, and soon they were having drinks delivered to them in his booth in the VIP area of a club he frequented.

"There better not be a speech accompanying that drink." Caroline's voice sliced through the loud noise as she dropped down in the booth, pulling Stefan along with her.

"No speeches tonight," he promised her. "I will be on my best behavior."

"That's not comforting," Caroline grimaced. "But in all seriousness, I do need you to be nice tonight. Elena is coming and she just broke up with Matt, so no rude jokes."

Damon froze at the news that Elena had finally broken up with Matt. He'd known it was coming, but he was expecting it to take a few more days. "How exciting, now we can bond over our newly single statuses."

"Comments like that are exactly what I'm talking about," Caroline snapped. "Be nice or I will punch you."

"You wouldn't punch a homeless man."

Stefan's face fell at his words. "You actually went through with it?" He knew that Stefan was disappointed with how everything turned out in the divorce. His brother hadn't wanted him to give up his house. He'd thought that Katherine didn't deserve it, which she didn't, but he'd had enough of the fighting.

"Yup, gave her the key this afternoon."

"Well, you can crash at my place if you don't want to stay at a hotel."

Caroline immediately began shaking her head and protesting. "No he cannot." She jerked a finger in his direction. "I'm not sharing a place with him. No way."

"You have your own apartment, Caroline. Go stay there." He smirked and tilted his head, mostly just to piss her off. He may be on his best behavior, but that still involved some fun at Caroline's expense.

"He's my brother, Care. If he wants to stay then he can," Stefan tried to rationalize with her, but Caroline rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, I see Elena coming in. I'm going to go talk to her for a minute." She bolted up from the couch and ran off in the direction of Elena. She was pushing her way through the crowd, a grim expression on her face that didn't even brighten when Caroline appeared in front of her and launched her entire body at her friend.

"Can you please be nice to her for one night?" Stefan asked him. "She had a rough day at work and she was up with Elena all night last night."

"The breakup was that bad?"

Alaric, who had been preoccupied with a blonde at another booth, turned back to the brothers, when he heard Damon's question. "What did we discuss 30 minutes ago?"

"That you dole out far more advice than needed?" Damon deadpanned.

"For you to stop sleeping with women for a little bit," Ric clarified, even though he knew it wasn't needed. "Have a few drinks and make out with someone, then leave it at that."

"Making out is no fun unless it ends in sex."

"Making out certainly has its perks," Stefan reasoned. "Gives you something to look forward to at the end of the day."

Damon made a whipping motion, accompanied with sound effects, in Stefan's direction. "You're completely whipped by Caroline. Your idea of fun is not real fun."

"At least my sex doesn't come with the worry of an STD." Coming from anyone but Stefan, the comment might have actually angered Damon. However, he always found some weird sense of pleasure from Stefan trying to make a joke about him.

"Aw," he laughed as he reached out to ruffle Stefan's hair. "You're all grown up."

Stefan groaned and roughly shoved Damon's hand away from his head. "Shut up."

"Here, I got you a drink." Caroline interrupted Stefan and Damon before they could delve into the brotherly routine of shoving each other. She handed Stefan a drink as she dropped herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ric, this is my maid of honor Elena. Elena, this is Damon's best friend, Ric, but don't let that scare you, he's actually normal."

With a drink in hand, Elena sat down next to Caroline and Stefan and smiled at Ric. "Hi," she called out over the noise. "Nice to meet you."

"Don't hold my choice of friends against me," Ric said to her.

Damon rolled his eyes as Elena's gaze moved over to him. The corners of her mouth tugged upward at his look of annoyance. "Hi, Damon."

"Hey."

The song changed to a particularly loud number at the moment Elena said something and her voice was rendered silent to his ears. "What?" he shouted, while pointing to his ear. "I can't hear you."

She quickly looked at Caroline, who had her mouth attached to Stefan's ear, and Ric, who had been drawn back into a conversation by the blonde from before. Realizing, that there would be no conversations carried on with anyone else, she stood up and moved next to him on the couch. "Better?" she questioned, and when he nodded his head, she repeated the question. "How did today go?"

He shrugged his shoulders. He was tired of talking about how things with Katherine had gone. Recounting things was getting far too annoying. "Well enough, but I don't want to talk about that. Caroline told me you and Matt broke up."

Elena shook her head. "If you don't have to talk about Katherine, then I'm not talking about Matt. No talking about exes."

Damon grabbed her glass and set it on the table in front of them. "I have a better idea."

Elena looked nervously at her drink then back at him. "Why does this scare me?"

"Shots," he said, and motioned toward the bar. "We're both single for the first time in years, and neither of us wants to talk about it, but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate."

"I don't know if this is something I want to celebrate, Damon."

"Then we'll drown our sorrows in the shot glasses. It's a brilliant idea."

She bit her lip and apprehensively looked toward the crowded bar. "I don't always make the best decisions when I've been doing shots."

Damon looked over at Caroline and Stefan, who now had their mouths latched together and Stefan's hands disappeared somewhere beneath Caroline's shirt. "You really want to be the one to pry them apart? You know how testy Caroline gets when a foreplay session with Stefan is interrupted."

Elena cringed as she looked at her best friend. "God, they're so gross sometimes."

"_You_ think that's gross? He's my brother. I still remember him in diapers."

Elena giggled and covered her eyes. "Make me unsee that mental image."

Damon jumped to his feet and held his hand out for Elena. "Alright, come on. You want to forget, let's do it."

With one last apprehensive look in Caroline's direction she placed her hand in his and allowed him to pull her to her feet. "You better not abandon me for some hot blonde."

His first instinct was to tell her that no matter the hair color, he wouldn't abandon her, but he settled for a simple, "As long as you don't abandon me."

She slid her arm through his as she pressed herself into his side to move through the thick crowd. "I don't know. I am single and ready to mingle," she teased him.

Before she knew what was happening, he'd spun her around and had her maneuvered between two women sipping on cocktails and pressed her back against the cool bar. He leaned forward until his hips were pressed against hers and she was staring up at him, wide eyed and surprised. "No mingling tonight. Only one-on-one interaction for the rest of the evening." She stared at him, her eyes still doubled in size, stunned silent by his actions. He quickly dropped his hands from her hips and moved beside her. "I'll just order the drinks."

He mentally cursed his stupidity, as she stayed glued to her spot. He couldn't do things like that to Elena. He couldn't be arrogant and abrasive. Caroline had drawn that line very clearly when she told him he was back in the wedding. And even if there wasn't that, he'd just walked out of his home for the last time today. He was just caught up in wanting to shut things out of his mind for a night, but he couldn't use Elena for that. She wasn't the kind of girl you rebounded with. She was the kind of girl you married.

Composed and ready to brush the previous moment off, Elena spun around and leaned against the bar. "I only shoot clear liquids. Don't get me a shot of whiskey."

Taking the cue from her, he teased her, "Such a girl."

"I could be asking you to order me a creamsicle shot. Most girls don't like to shoot straight liquor."

The bartender appeared in front of them and he ordered them three rounds of tequila shots before he turned to look at her. "The second you ask me to order you anything girly I am jumping ship. And don't you puke on my shoes."

"Excuse me." She reared back and held her hand to her chest, acting offended by his words. "I can hold my liquor, thank you very much. I might be small, but I have a high tolerance."

The shots were delivered to him right at that moment. He pushed one in her direction and then lifted one in his hand. With a raised eyebrow, he tilted his head in her direction and said, "That's what they all say. Now show me what you've got, Gilbert."

Thirty minutes later, Elena was fully loosened up and shimmying her hips to the beat of the music as Damon pushed more empty shot glasses to the bartender. Thanks to his drinks at dinner, and the one he'd had before they started the shots, he was now feeling the full effects of the alcohol he'd consumed. His movements were slower than normal, and he found that his hands couldn't quite stay by his side. Every few minutes they would drift across the small space that separated his body from Elena's, and run his fingers over a newly exposed piece of skin when her shirt would drift up from her tight brown skirt.

Any nervousness or feelings of uncertainty she might have had when they first got to the bar now seemed to be a thing of the past. She welcomed his touches, and even returned the favor occasionally, by pressing her body flush against his and running her hands along his back. Somehow, this night was getting away from him, but every time she reached out and he felt her soft fingers pressing against him, all rational thoughts seemed to flee his brain.

"I've just had the most brilliant idea," he announced as the bartender delivered another round of shots. "We're both single for the first time in years. That means, for ages, we've been used to getting sex regularly, and now, it's not guaranteed. Do you know how much that's going to suck?"

Elena didn't appear to believe much of what he was saying. "Somehow I doubt you've had any trouble getting anyone to have sex with you since you and Katherine split up. And also, that's not a plan, just an observation."

"I'm getting to it," he insisted. "Before you so rudely interrupted me, I was going to say –"

"You asked a question. I was just answering it."

"_Anyway!_ As I was saying, we're used to sex whenever we want it, and now that's not going to happen. So, I say we should be each other's sex. Whenever we need sex, we just call the other one up, and then there we go, problem solved."

There was no valid or logical reason for the plan he was presenting to Elena, but the alcohol was prohibiting him from caring in the slightest how absurd it might sound. He just knew that whatever was happening right now, he really liked it, and he wanted more of it.

"That plan is so wrong on so many levels." Elena told him, but she couldn't keep the smile from her face as she attempted to shoot him down. "You're Stefan's brother! Caroline would kill me if I had sex with you!"

"Caroline flips out about flowers nowadays. I don't think I'd be looking to her reactions as reasonable ones."

Elena jokingly slapped his shoulder. "She's planning a wedding, that's stressful."

"Breathing is stressful to that girl."

"Stop it! She's my friend."

He smirked and leaned down until his forehead was resting against hers. "I say it all out of love."

A new song came through the speakers in the club and Elena immediately perked up. "Oh my god! I love this song!" she exclaimed. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor. "Dance with me."

She pulled him through the sweaty throng of people that all seemed to be pressed together, some moving to the beat of the music, and some moving to a beat inside their own head. Once they found a spot big enough, she stopped and began dancing. She lifted her arms above her head as she let the music take over her body, her hips rolling seductively, and her ass grinding against him.

More than happy to accept the invitation she was offering him, he wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing his palms to rest low on her stomach. He pulled her against him and began moving to the music as well, allowing himself to get lost in the moment. Her scent was completely intoxicating as she leaned her head back against him, her face hanging next to his. Her eyes were closed as she happily sang out the words, never missing a beat.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, their bodies moving as one to the music. Some time later, as Katy Perry sang about wanting to be abducted, Elena twisted around in his arms, a lazy smile on her face, and then she was kissing him. Everything disappeared in that moment as her lips melted into his. Her fingers slid deftly into his hair and she held his face against hers, making sure he wouldn't go anywhere. As if he would ever try.

"Oh my god!" A shriek that could never belong to anyone but Caroline Forbes had Damon and Elena quickly pulling apart from each other. His breathing was ragged as they turned to see Caroline gawking at them with Stefan looking stunned and confused behind her. "Elena, what are you doing?"

"Shit," Damon mumbled beneath his breath. "Your friends have the worst timing in the world."

Caught in an unfortunate situation, Elena looked nervously between Caroline and Damon. "Well, come on, Elena." Caroline motioned for Elena to come over to her. "I think I need to take you home."

"Just give me a second with Damon. We need to talk for a moment."

Caroline groaned. "You have got to be kidding me."

Elena grabbed Damon's arm and pulled him further away from Caroline and Stefan. She led them to a dark corner off the back of the dance floor. Once there, she dropped Damon's hand and buried her head in her hands. "I don't know what the hell just happened."

"We danced and kissed."

From the look in her eyes, it was apparent that she had come crashing back down to earth, and the carefree feeling the alcohol had brought her did not return with her. "Why do we keep doing this?"

"Because it's fun?" he offered with a small smile. He didn't know what he could say to Elena that would make any bit of difference. She didn't seem like she knew what was going on in her own head, how was he supposed to know?

Lost in her own confusion, she didn't even notice what he just said to her. "We're both going through a rough ending of a very long relationship. It was only natural that we'd bond over that, and of course, we would confuse attraction somewhere along the way. I just broke up with Matt a few hours ago, and you just finalized everything with your divorce. We're confused and looking for something to help it all make sense, but we can't do that with each other." Somewhere during her rambling, she'd tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes wide and pleading. "This has the potential to be the disaster of a lifetime. You're Stefan's brother, and I'm Caroline's best friend. All we'd do is drag them into this whole thing if it blows up in our faces. So, I think we need to stop doing things like these."

Damon stood, confused for a moment as to what exactly Elena was trying to say to him. "I'm not going to pretend I understood even half of that. However, I'll say that we're adults and I know that I have fun with you, and I'm not opposed to having more fun with you. I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend; I don't even want one. I just want easy and fun, and I think you want that too. So, after Caroline spends her whole night lecturing you, let me know what you come up with. We've had a miserable few months, and if we can find something fun out of all of it, that would be great, and once it stops being fun, we can end it and just be friends."

"Your argument is good, but you're missing the piece where that never works out. Situations like these never end well. Someone always falls too hard and gets hurt, and our track record doesn't speak well for us. Let's just say we got caught up in the alcohol and confusion again, and leave it at that. This doesn't need to happen again." Elena stepped away from the wall and looked out toward the crowd. "I'm going to go find Caroline now. Bye Damon."

He didn't say anything as she disappeared into the crowd. What was there to say? Her logic had had valid points sprinkled throughout it. His so called brilliant idea would probably implode at the absolute worst time possible, but it could also be easy. She was fun to talk to, and she actually had a brain. What was so wrong with wanting to spend time with someone who was an actual person, as opposed to a caricature of what most women thought that men like him wanted? She didn't give a damn if she offended him. If she felt it needed to be said, she'd say it to him. That's why he liked spending time with her.

Now that she was single too, it was the perfect time for them to explore the attraction between them. He hadn't wanted to acknowledge it for a while, but it was there, and tonight proved that with enough alcohol to lower their inhibitions, it was undeniable. The only things stopping them were the thoughts of how it could end badly or involve those that didn't need to be involved. If they could get through those roadblocks he saw no reason why this idea couldn't work.

They needed time to figure out who they were again outside of a relationship. They needed time to figure out what they still wanted. They were perfect for that for each other. They could help each other navigate the confusing path of being single after such a long time, and then part ways when they reached the end of the road. His plan was brilliant after all.


	7. It Is What It Is

Author's Note: I have to give a big thank you to each and every one of you who has reviewed this story. I've passed the 100 reviews mark, and that means so much. I have to give a huge thank you to Daisy, who has supported this story from the very beginning, and I hope I didn't make you wait too long for the update. This chapter is going to wrap up something I know a lot of you have been wanting wrapped up for a while, so I hope this delivers. If you're looking to listen to some music, I suggest listening to It Is What IT Is by Lifehouse while you read this, it was what I pretty much listened to on repeat as I wrote this chapter, hence the title. Read and review!

**Chapter 6**

**Too long we've been denying, now we're both tired of trying  
>We hit a wall and we can't get over it<br>Nothing to relive, it's water under the bridge  
>You said it, I get it, I guess it is what it is <strong>

Elena dropped her bag on the ground in front of the ticketing counter. "One-way ticket to Nashville, Tennessee."

The young booking agent for the airline looked up at her, the customary smile plastered onto her face. "License and credit card, please?" Elena dipped her hand into her purse to find her wallet, where she dug out her license and credit card. She then pushed the small plastic cards across the counter toward the agent. "Okay, it's going to be $454, Miss Gilbert," she informed her as she punched in a few buttons on her keyboard, and a few moments later, she was printing out a boarding pass. "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No, I just have the carry-on," she said quietly, and then handed her cards along with her boarding pass to her. "Thank you."

"Have a good flight, Miss Gilbert."

She tried to smile at the agent, but she couldn't quite force one out. She nodded her head, grabbed her bag, and made her way toward security.

It had taken her 30 minutes to decide where to go. As she stared at the board, she knew that she couldn't hide out; she needed to fix things. That was how she ended up with the ticket to Nashville. Matt had gotten a job at a law firm in Nashville after he graduated from law school, and last she'd heard, he still lived down there. She had handled everything all wrong when she ended things with Matt, and she'd never truly apologized for it. She'd been too caught up in her own head to ever give him the closure he'd deserved. She needed to do that now though.

The position she was in was one of her own making. Her choices had led her here, and the times that she'd been too stubborn or unwilling to listen to anyone but herself, had resulted in her causing pain to those around her. After Damon, Matt was whom she had caused the most pain. He deserved her apology, and he deserved it in person.

* * *

><p>The ringtone from Elena's phone pierced through the quietness of her small apartment. Without checking to see who was calling her, she pressed ignore. It was Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, or even Damon, and she did not want to speak to any of them right now. She needed a day to herself.<p>

These past few months since Caroline got engaged, she never really had time to sit down and be alone. If she wasn't working, she was doing something with Caroline for the wedding, or she was doing something for the wedding with Bonnie, or she was with Matt, or she was with Damon. She hadn't had one day to herself in months and she figured that she could use a day to herself. After everything that had gone on in the past two weeks alone, she would go crazy if she wasn't allowed at least a few hours to curl up on her couch and watch trashy reality television.

When she got up this morning, she didn't bother changing into any real clothes, just remained in her comfortable pajamas. She then ordered herself a very greasy cheeseburger and fries to help with the hangover, and she had the meal delivered to her place. She also ordered a large chocolate milkshake, seeing as lots of sugar was world renowned for helping to cure heartbreak. Now, all that was left was getting comfortable on her couch under a giant blanket and turning on Bravo, which never failed to deliver a healthy dose of crazy drama from women far too old to be behaving in such a way.

This was how she was spending her day, and nobody was going to come along and mess with it.

Well, it was, until Caroline and Bonnie showed up four hours later, arms loaded down with bags of sugary goodness. "We have assembled the heartbreak hotel kit," Bonnie informed her, as Caroline closed the door behind them. "I have brought cupcakes, brownie mix, Twizzlers, and everything needed for a good, old fashioned S'mores."

"And I have come prepared with ice cream, Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, and season 2 of Friends, because it's the best season ever." Caroline held up the boxed DVDs with a proud smile on her face. "I know you've been avoiding our calls all day, but we're your best friends, and it is our obligation to see you through this, because the second day is always the worst."

Caroline had a theory that the second day of a breakup was always the worst. Her belief was that the first, while hard, was manageable because it was still too new to have really set in. However, by the time the second day rolled around, she said that was when it became a reality and all of the fears about being single came roaring to life, and you began to miss the person you'd grown to love and depend on.

It really came as no surprise that her friends had shown up. Avoiding phone calls had never deterred them in the past. However, Elena still eyed them skeptically, a part of her ecstatic that they were here, but another part aggravated, because there was so much she didn't know if she was ready to talk about yet. That was the thing about best friends though; sometimes they just didn't let you do things on the timeline that you thought you wanted.

"Don't you dare tell us to leave, Elena Gilbert," Bonnie warned her.

Caroline nodded her head sternly at Bonnie's words. "Fine," she finally sighed. "You two can stay, but just for the record, the keys are for emergencies only."

"Breakup isolation falls under the category of best friend emergencies," Caroline told her unapologetically. "It was our duty to use our keys. You'd do the exact same thing for either one of us and you know it."

Elena was caught there. She would do the exact same thing for them, in fact she had before, and she didn't regret it. So, it was time to turn off Bravo and sit up and eat more junk food. "Well, you two broke into my apartment. Come here and give me the food!"

Bonnie and Caroline rushed over to her couch and dropped down onto the soft cushions. "So, pick your poison," Caroline began pulling the food from the grocery bags. "What do you want first?"

"Twizzlers!" Elena quickly reached out and snatched the bag from Caroline.

"Wise choice," Caroline said. "So, before we delve into Friends, where should we start? Has Matt called?"

Elena shook her head. Even though she'd been avoiding calls she had checked a while ago to see who had called her and none had been from Matt. "No, he hasn't called. I think he's still mad."

"He's probably just in shock. I don't think he wanted the relationship to be over anymore than you did," Bonnie advised her.

"But that's the thing. He's been mad at me for ages, and he even told you he didn't think we'd get married. It's like he knows that we're over and that we need to be, but he won't admit it."

"You two have been together longer than I've been with Stefan," Caroline pointed out. "That's a really long time, Elena."

"I know," she admitted. "And that's what makes this really hard. I want Matt to be the one. I want to need him as much as you need Stefan, but it's just not there."

Caroline sighed and rested a hand on Elena's arm. "I just wish you'd told us sooner."

"I didn't know what was going through my own head most of the time, much less how to put it into words for you and Bonnie. Then there was Damon and that whole thing, which just made everything more confusing. It all just got away from me."

"I probably shouldn't ask this," Bonnie started cautiously. "But did you tell Matt about Damon?"

Elena's eyes widened and she immediately shook her head. "No. I didn't tell him anything." She'd tortured herself for days, trying to decide whether or not she should tell Matt about Damon. He hadn't asked about there being anyone else, so would she be doing him a favor by telling him that she had cheated on him? She still wasn't completely sure about her decision, but she hadn't told him. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"That's probably best," Bonnie said. "I think that would only make a bad situation worse."

"Yeah, Matt may be the nice guy 9 times out of 10, but when he gets mad he gets really mad," Caroline mused. "Speaking of Damon though. What exactly is going on with the two of you? I've tried to ask Stefan, but he won't tell me anything and you've practically been like Fort Knox. So, spill."

"There's nothing to spill." Elena attempted to weasel her way out of the impending conversation, but at Caroline's demanding stare, she knew she wasn't getting off that easily. She'd managed to avoid any conversation about what Caroline had seen last night because she was pretty drunk, but Caroline wouldn't provide her another freebie. "He's fun and I actually think I like him," she finally confessed.

"Really?" Caroline questioned, clearly perplexed by this confession. "I just don't get what's so appealing about him. He's an ass."

"You know he's not that bad, Caroline. If you disliked him as much as you say you do, you would not have let him back in the wedding."

"Stefan is pretty much blind when it comes to Damon. It would have devastated him if he couldn't have Damon as his best man." Caroline sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I might not like it, but I knew we couldn't get married if Stefan couldn't have Damon involved."

"We both know there's good reason for Stefan to love Damon. He loves Stefan, you can't deny that." If Elena had seen the deep love Damon felt for his little brother over the past few months then surely Caroline had seen it.

Caroline looked down at her hands for a moment before she looked back up at Elena. "I know he loves Stefan, but I also know a side of Damon that you don't. He's damaged, Elena. Not just by Katherine either."

"What do you mean?" Elena questioned, now curious as to how much Caroline knew about Damon.

Caroline looked apprehensive, not sure if she should continue on. "I really shouldn't say this. Most of what I know is from Stefan or things I've observed since I've been with him."

"I don't care, tell me," she urged.

"Damon and his father don't get along – _at all_. And it's not just a new thing. Again, I only know this from Stefan, but their father was pretty bad when they were growing up. He'd always put more pressure on Damon while their mom was alive, but she was protective over him, so things never got that bad. Then, when she got sick, Stefan says that all of their dad's attention was completely focused on Damon and it only got worse when she died. Suddenly, he watched every move Damon made, determined to mold him into the perfect heir to take over the company. Stefan was babied, but every time Damon messed up, their father would go ballistic. He won't really say much about it, but from what I can gather, it was like all of his pain and anger from their mom dying was taken out on Damon."

Elena's heart ached for Damon as she listened to Caroline's sad recounts of Damon's childhood. She knew that Caroline was just as pained by what Damon had to have gone through as a child, but she still seemed detached from it all. While the story made Elena understand so much more about Damon and why he behaved the way he did, Caroline seemed more than ready to write him off most of the time.

Everything made sense to her now though. Her confusions about how Damon had wound up married to someone like Katherine made sense. He was a young boy that had probably been completely devastated by the loss of his mother only to be thrust under a microscope, with no room for mistakes. A part of her imagined that when Damon met Katherine and fallen in love with her, he'd seen it as a new purpose for his life. She gave meaning to his life beyond what his father had raised him for.

And his carefree attitude that seemed to leave a trail of angry people in his wake, she now realized, came from probably being abused. He most likely, hadn't been allowed to have emotions, so he learned to shut them out and keep people at arms length. She believed it was because of that and his deep need to protect his brother that probably resulted in his less than stellar attitude toward Caroline most of the time.

Caroline's words were probably meant to make her more cautious of Damon, but hearing about his life only seemed to make her feel a bigger pull toward him, and she was getting tired of trying to keep it to herself. "I know that you're coming from a good place, but I really do think he's a good guy, Caroline."

"Despite what I say about Damon most of the time, I really don't think he's a bad guy, he just has a lot of issues. You're fresh out of a four-year relationship, and I just don't think he's what you need right now."

"Bonnie, what do you think?" Elena turned to look at her other best friend that had remained silent during the conversation about Damon. "Do you think I'm making a mistake by spending time with him?"

Her friend seemed to weigh her words heavily before she finally spoke. "I think I'm going to plead the fifth on this one. No matter what I think you're just going to do what you want anyway."

"But I still want your opinion."

Her friend closed her eyes and sighed. "I think Damon's trouble, and that if you start doing whatever you're thinking about doing, it's only going to end badly. He's just coming out of a relationship too, a marriage actually, so I think you're both just looking for someone to make you feel like you're not so alone, and that won't end well." Elena pursed her lips at Bonnie's words, trying to keep her quick retort in the back of her throat, and it didn't go unnoticed. "I know it's harsh, but you asked for my opinion, so I gave it, even though you've made it clear that you aren't going to listen to anything that Caroline or me tell you. If you were, you certainly wouldn't have made out with Damon last night."

Elena looked down at her lap, trying to figure out whether she really was delusional about Damon, or if she was just willing to give him more of a chance than her friends were. She saw a side of him that very few people got to see, and she didn't believe it was an act or something that would fade. He was good to her. Could she really judge him based on her friends' opinions?

"I see where you're both coming from," she said to her friends. She truly did understand why they'd have the opinion, but she just didn't think she could get on board with it. "I just think there's more to Damon than you give him credit for. He's a good guy."

Bonnie held up her hands in surrender. "It's your life. Whatever you want to do, you can do."

The friends sat in silence for a few moments, pondering the situation Elena had found herself in, but Caroline soon pepped back up, ready to move forward with junk food and Friends. "You made the right decision with Matt, we all know that, and you obviously see something in Damon that I just can't. So, let's do what we came here to do: stuff ourselves with junk food and yell at Ross and Rachel for always making things so hard."

Bonnie and Elena watched as Caroline retrieved the DVDs from the coffee table and bounced over to the DVD player. It was Caroline's favorite show, and any time she was upset she always turned to her trusty box set of the show, sometimes spending days glued to her couch watching episode after episode. Because of this, Bonnie and Elena had also seen every episode more than once, and knew the show backwards and forwards.

It was that thought that made Elena remember what exactly season 2 was about. "Caroline," she began curiously. "Why did you bring season 2 to help cheer me up after a break up?"

"Because it's the best season. Duh!" The blonde rolled her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But this is the season that Ross and Rachel have their first kiss. Why would you show me that after I've broken up with Matt?"

"Because he's her lobster." Caroline sat back down on the couch, the remote in her hands. "Ross and Rachel are perfect for each other, and this is really the beginning of their relationship, and if they can figure it all out in the end, you'll figure it out too." The menu for the show came up on her TV screen and all three girls turned toward the television. "Just be happy I'm not making you watch season 3 and the episode where they break up."

As Caroline pressed play, Elena allowed herself to be sucked into the universe that was Monica, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey. She laughed at the jokes and yelled at all of the appropriate places, happy to have her friends by her side. They may not always be in agreement on everything in each other's lives, but they supported each other and she needed that tonight.

She thought she'd needed a day alone, but her friends had been right when they showed up here. She needed them, and to know that she wasn't alone in this. She needed to talk to someone about even just a fraction of what was going through her head. And she'd needed to hear more about Damon. She was in a very confusing place emotionally, torn between being devastated by her breakup, but also almost giddy over these growing feelings for Damon. None of it was happening on the timeline that it should, but her emotions were taking her on a roller coaster, and she was learning that fighting it only made things harder. She needed to sit back and let things happen how they would, and her friends had helped her understand that, even if that hadn't been what they were after.

Because of this, she was sad when they finally turned off Friends and Bonnie and Caroline said their goodbyes. It was back to being alone and lost in her own head for the rest of the night with many more thoughts to ponder. Most of them seemed to be about Damon and working through what she did feel for him. He had become a good friend and confidante through the past few months, and she found that the idea of sleeping with him didn't seem that bad, even completely sober.

Bonnie and Caroline had been right though. She was looking for someone that understood what she was going through, but she felt like there was more going on than just that. It was as she was thinking about this that there was a knock on her door. Thinking it was Caroline or Bonnie coming back to pick up something they'd probably left behind, she rushed over to the door and opened it, only to find Matt standing on the other side. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as he stared at her, his eyes filled with sadness and heartache. "Matt," she breathed out.

"Why don't you want to be with me?" He delivered the question with such a powerful punch that the air was ripped from her lungs.

After weeks of talking in circles, they'd finally ended it. There had been tears and shouting, but it had been over. He had been upset, but she hadn't thought she'd see him this soon, certainly not with him showing up on her doorstep in the middle of the night,but she couldn't turn him away.

She held the door open wider and stepped to the side. "Why don't you come in?" With heavy steps, he walked into her small apartment and crossed the short distance to her couch and sat down. She tried to prepare herself as she followed behind him and soon sat down on the opposite end. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us. Everything."

She sighed and shook her head. "All we've _done_ is talk, Matt."

"I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you!" he said, with more emphasis than he probably meant to, but he quickly got himself under as much control as possible. "I was planning to marry you one day. I thought we were one the same page, but you just needed time. What happened to that?"

"I know," she whispered brokenly, because she had thought the exact same thing once upon a time. "I thought so too."

"So, what happened? Why did you stop wanting it?" She wished she had an answer for him that wouldn't break his heart, or even one that would make sense. That was the problem with this whole situation. Someone was going to get hurt no matter what she did, and no matter what she said; there would never be any sense to any of it.

Matt was the best guy she'd ever known. There was no reason for her to not want to be with him for the rest of her life, for him to not be the father of her children. For some reason, that she'd never know, he just wasn't that person for her. If she'd had any doubts yesterday, last night had proven that this was the right decision. At most, Damon should have been a way to bury the pain, but he wasn't.

She was genuinely attracted him, and she felt a pull toward him. If Matt was the person she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life, she shouldn't have ever considered sleeping with Damon, not for a second. She had though. She still was. He was right, they were both in a similar place and they had fun together while being mutually attracted to each other. Sleeping together wasn't the worst idea in the world, but it should have been.

Nothing about Damon should have pulled her in for these past few months, but he did. Beyond the physical attraction, there was an emotional one. She hadn't wanted to admit that there was something there on an emotional level, but there was. He might say things that he shouldn't, but he was always genuine with her. He understood exactly where she was coming from, and he never judged her. When she was confused, he talked to her and let her know that this wasn't supposed to be easy. When she needed a break, he took her out or made an inappropriate joke to ease the tension.

Quietly, she said to Matt, "I don't know if I ever really wanted it." This was the first time she'd said this out loud to Matt, and seeing the look of pain flash across his face felt horrible. He looked like she'd completely gutted him, and it broke her heart. "I think there's always been something missing that we just never wanted to acknowledge."

"Like what?" he demanded. "You say we never acknowledged it; acknowledge it now."

She sadly shook her head. "I wish I knew. All I know is that if this were right we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't have spent the last year fighting and waiting for the other to back down."

"No," Matt ground out. "I think you're scared, so you're running away. This is what you always do, Elena. You're scared of trying to be an author, so you work in a bar instead of going back to school. You're scared of giving up things you don't even know if you want, so you're ending our relationship."

"Of course I'm scared," she cried out. "But I'm scared of not being with you too. You're all I've known for four years, and not having you in my life scares me to death, but staying in this relationship when I know it's not right scares me more."

"So we face it, together. I know what I said yesterday, but I love you, and I think we can fix this. I haven't spent four years with you just to give up on us because things got hard."

Matt made a solid argument and a part of her wanted to give in, and fall back into his arms like she always did. Yet, there was this other part, that told her she'd be doing exactly what Bonnie said she had been doing for the past year: she'd be settling, and so would he. Even if she was okay with settling for what they had, and trying to convince herself that it was enough, Matt didn't deserve that. He was a great guy that deserved to be with someone who loved him enough to want to marry him. He deserved someone who wanted all the same things that he wanted, when he wanted them.

"Can you honestly tell me that you've been happy for the past year?" she questioned quietly, trying to get him to see reason. He was hurt and he was scared, so he was looking to fall back into the safety net that had been their relationship, but she needed to be strong enough to get him to walk away. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you haven't wondered if there was someone else out there for you that you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life. Someone that isn't me."

"Of course I've wondered, but it's normal to have doubts, right? I've had doubts, but I thought we were stronger than that. I thought you believed it too."

"I wanted to. I've spent a year wanting to believe that we were stronger than this, that this was just a rough patch. I spent a year hoping that I would wake up one morning and suddenly know that I didn't just want to marry you, but that I needed it. And that day did come, but that wasn't what I realized. I woke up and realized that if this was really what I thought it was, I wouldn't have to spend so much time telling myself that I knew I'd marry you, I'd already know it." She ended her small speech in a strained whisper, her voice dying out on her from all of the emotions swirling inside of her.

Elena's phone sprang to life on the coffee table, halting the conversation in its tracks. Matt reached out and picked up her phone, a move they'd both made hundreds of times through their relationship, but this time it was different. He looked down and she could see a flash of realization dance across his face as he looked down at the name. "Damon's calling," he ground out and handed her the phone.

With apprehension, she grabbed her phone from Matt and pressed the ignore button. "It's nothing," she told him, even though she knew he believed it was anything but.

A sarcastic laugh fell from his lips. "Really, it's nothing? Guys don't call a girl this late at night for nothing. When a guy calls you this late, he's after a lot more than pillow talk, Elena."

Elena cringed at his implication, but she knew he was right. Damon was after more than just a casual conversation, and she'd happily obliged him on that in the past. She emotionally and physically cheated on Matt, and the day they broke up she fell directly into Damon's arms. "Please don't bring him into this."

"See, I think he's already in it. I think he's been in this for longer than I realized. I may not have put the pieces together until just now, but right around the time he came into the picture, you and me started having serious problems."

"That's not true," she argued. She may not have started considering ending her relationship with Matt until she started getting to know Damon, but it hadn't been because of him. Damon may have opened her eyes to a few things in her relationship, but this breakup had nothing to do with him. "All of this, it's about us, not anyone else."

"I don't believe that. He answers your phone, you go to dinner with him, and you meet with him without anyone else around."

"His brother is getting married to my best friend!" she shouted. "I talk to him and do things with him because we're planning this party in Las Vegas for Caroline and Stefan."

Matt didn't look convinced by her outburst. "Look at me and tell me that nothing has happened between the two of you. Cause from where I'm sitting, the coincidences are too much now. Maybe each thing on its own doesn't mean much, but when I sit here and add it all together, it looks pretty suspicious, Elena."

She tried to hold Matt's gaze as he stared at her, waiting for her to tell him that he was wrong. Despite his anger, she knew that he wanted nothing more than to know that he was completely wrong. She wanted to tell him that he was, but she couldn't lie to him and he knew that she wouldn't be able to lie to his face when asked point blank if she'd cheated on him. She tried to blink back the tears as he continued to stare at her, and she could see the truth fully setting in the longer she was silent. "I'm sorry," she whispered and tore her gaze from Matt's, unable to see the utter devastation that was surely to come.

"Jesus," Matt blew out. He quickly stood from the couch and moved over to her window. His fists were clenching and unclenching as his chest rapidly rose and fell as he tried to get himself under control. "Tell me you didn't sleep with him," he choked out, his voice strangled with emotion. "Tell me you didn't do that."

"No!" Elena exclaimed and jumped up from the couch. "I wouldn't do that to you. I never slept with him."

Matt whipped around so quickly she had to jump back from his arm that he swung around to wave in her direction. "Wouldn't do that to me? You just told me you cheated on me and you expect me to believe that you wouldn't sleep with him? I may have been blind, but I'm not stupid."

"I'm not saying you are," she argued, tears now freely falling down her face. "But I didn't sleep with him. I swear to you, I didn't."

"How long has this been going on?"

Embarrassed, she looked down at the ground. "Since Caroline's engagement party."

"I can't believe you!" Matt yelled at her. "While I was sitting in that stupid ballroom, worried about where you were and what was wrong with you, you were off with another guy!"

"I know," she whispered, truly ashamed of everything. She liked Damon, but she never wanted to hurt Matt like this. It hurt her to know that she'd hurt him so badly, but what made it worse was knowing that she didn't regret what had happened with Damon. She wished it hadn't happened the way it had, and that Matt didn't have to get hurt, but that was on her. She was the one that kept hanging on, and couldn't let him go when it was so obvious that she needed to. "I'm sorry."

"Really, Elena, you're sorry? You spend months lying to my face, but you're sorry, so I guess that makes it all better." She cringed at the volume of his voice, knowing that it was surely echoing out into the hallway and into other apartments. "Say something!"

"I don't know what to say," she cried. "I messed up and I know that, but I never wanted to hurt you. I hate that I did, and all of it is my fault. Tell me what to say. What do you want to hear?"

"I want to know how you could do this. How could you throw away everything we had for some guy you didn't even know?"

"I didn't throw anything away for Damon. I made a bad decision, but this isn't really about him; it's about us. I never would have kissed him if everything was truly okay between us."

"Oh, so it's my fault that you cheated on me?"

"That's not what I said!" she shouted in frustration. Everything had deteriorated so quickly, and she couldn't get a handle on anything anymore.

"Well, it sure as hell sounds that way, Elena!"

A knock sounded at her door, bringing their argument to a standstill. He first instinct was to ignore it, but if it was Caroline or Bonnie, she wanted to answer the door before they could use their respective keys again. Apprehensively, she turned and walked over to her front door. Her heart stopped cold at the sight of Damon standing just outside of her apartment. Stunned, it took her a few moments to respond. "Damon, this isn't really the best time."

He looked worried as he pushed himself into her apartment. "I heard screaming," he said to her. He stopped and looked at Matt, who looked like a caged animal ready for a fight, and he then turned back to look at her, his eyes taking in her disheveled appearance. "Are you okay?"

"Well isn't that just cozy?" Matt said bitterly.

"Everything is fine," she told Damon quietly. "I think you should leave."

Damon glanced between her and Matt again. "I don't think that's the best idea."

"Damon," she began, but Matt quickly cut her off.

"No, Elena, your lover here obviously wants to protect you from your big, bad ex-boyfriend. In fact, I'll make it easy for him, I'll leave."

"Don't do this," she pleaded with him as he crossed the small living room. "Don't leave like this." She didn't want him to leave while he was this angry and upset. She didn't know if she'd be able to calm him down much, but surely she could help him out a little.

He stopped in front of her and she could practically feel the tension rolling off of Damon in waves from behind her. "I hope you're happy with yourself, Elena."

She followed him to the door. "Matt," she called out to him one last time, but he slammed the door in her face. With a dejected sigh she clenched her eyes shut and leaned her head against her door.

Damon slowly walked up behind her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

She shook her head against the door. "Not really." After a few moments, she pushed herself off the door and turned to face Damon. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I'm just glad I came when I did. I know you want to fix things, but that wasn't good for anyone."

"I know what you're thinking," she said to him. "Matt wouldn't hurt me though. He was just upset."

"Maybe he wouldn't," Damon acknowledged. "But you were both upset and he was furious, you didn't need to be around that."

"I needed to fix this!" she exclaimed, trying to make him understand that she would have been fine. "I messed this all up, and I needed to fix it."

Damon's eyes softened at her small outburst. "Not everything can be fixed, Elena. Sometimes when a relationship is over, it's just over."

"But that doesn't mean I can't try." She took a step closer to him. "You can't tell me you didn't try to make things right with Katherine even after you'd ended it."

He looked away and she knew that she was right. "It only ended in arguments that lasted hours and left me with no voice the next day. If he's going to be mad, then he's going to be mad. You can't change that."

"He knows that I cheated on him, Damon. You know how that feels. Think about what's going through his head right now."

Damon took a step toward her, now invading her personal space with his head tilted down to look at hers. "I don't have to think about it. I already know what's going through his head. That's why I can tell you that nothing you do is going to change anything. The girl he's in love with just broke his heart." Her face crumbled at his words and a strangled cry fell from her lips.

She quickly found herself being pulled into Damon's embrace. He wrapped his arms around and held her tightly against him as she cried into his chest. Everything he said was completely true. She had broken Matt's heart and no matter how badly she wanted to fix the mess she'd made, she wouldn't be able to. He was done with her.

"I didn't want it to end this way."

Damon softly ran a hand through her hair as his other arm tightened around her waist. "I know," he whispered. "You're not a bad person. You just got yourself into an unfortunate situation."

"I cheated on him," she said into his chest, her voice muffled from his shirt, but he still heard her clearly.

"You could have taken it a lot further, but you didn't." Damon pulled away and slowly guided her over to her couch. He sat her down in the middle and sat down next to her. With his knees pressed against hers he grabbed onto her hands and pulled them onto his lap. "I'm not going to say that you handled things perfectly, but you ultimately ended the relationship. You knew things weren't going to work, so you ended it, even though he was still willing to stay with you."

"I know," she quietly said, her eyes cast downward. "I just wish it hadn't turned out this way."

Damon sighed and pulled her into his arms. "Come here." He leaned back on her couch, pulling her back along with him until she was tucked up beside him, her head resting on his shoulder. "Everything will be fine."

They fell into a comfortable silence with his fingers rhythmically running through her hair, lulling her into a calmed state. Her chest, which had felt tight most of the day, was now relaxed. Her heart was no longer racing, but beating softly in her chest. Her eyes, which were flooded with tears only minutes ago, were now dry.

She didn't know how he could make her heart race wildly in her chest from a look, but could also pull her back from near devastation with a simple touch. When she first met him she never would have guessed that this was what was behind his mask. She knew there was more to him than he let people see, but she hadn't imagined this. While most of the time he was too cocky for his own good, now he was calm and gentle.

He had no reason to stay after what he'd walked in on, but he was still here. He wasn't telling her to move on or get over it, but that it was okay to be upset. And he did all of it without any guarantee that he'd get anything in return.

"Why did you come here?" she asked, realizing that he'd just shown up at her door without warning.

His chest vibrated beneath her cheek as he quietly laughed. "I realized that I didn't make my most solid argument last night for us sleeping together. I thought I'd come over and convince you why it would be a brilliant idea."

"How do you even know where I live?"

"You remember who my brother is engaged to, right?" She could practically hear the smirk that she knew was gracing his face.

"It's no wonder Caroline doesn't like you and Stefan spending much time together. You share way too much information with each other."

"Like you don't share everything with your little best friends."

Elena could admit that he had a point. "Fine, so I do tell them pretty much everything." She pushed herself up and turned to look at him. "So, what was your argument going to be? How exactly were you going to convince me to sleep with you?"

He smiled at her and looked into her eyes in that way that made her feel as if he was seeing into her very soul. "As much as I would love to convince you to have sex with me, I do not think that tonight is the night for that, and I'm not using my argument until you're ready."

Elena knew that he was right. Even though she did need an escape, sex didn't need to be it, not tonight. She needed to accept the friendship that he was offering her right now. So, with a devilish glint in her eyes, she teased him, "Aren't you supposed to be the arrogant playboy that doesn't care about the women he sleeps with?"

"Any other night of the week and I'd probably throw my morals out the window, but for some reason, I'm having this brief moment of maturity. You should be happy that I'm being a gentleman, it doesn't happen often."

"It happens more than you'll admit," she told him sincerely. "You're not as bad as you think you are."

"You've only known me a few months. Give it time." At the distant look in his eyes she flashed back on Caroline's words just hours before, and Elena saw a glimpse of the broken boy that she now realized lived within Damon. Just because he acted confident all the time didn't mean that he was.

Without allowing herself to overthink it she reached out and cradled his face in her hands. "I don't believe that. If you were as bad as you think you are, you'd have me in my bed right now, but you don't. You want me to believe I'm not a bad person, well you need to believe that you're a good person."

Damon tensed at her words, clearly uncomfortable with what she was saying. It was obvious that he wasn't used to hearing things like this. Unable to deal with it, he smiled and tilted his head to the side. "I thought I was the one that was supposed to be saying things like that tonight."

Elena kept her hands firmly on Damon's face. "Just because I've had a rough night doesn't mean I can't be a friend. Besides," she smiled at him. "Isn't this kind of our thing?"

Damon's smile soon relaxed into a genuine one, a small look of wonder in his eyes. "Yeah, I guess it is."


	8. I Can't Tell You Why

Author's Note: I am so so so sorry that this has taken so long. I moved on Monday and my life has just been absolutely hectic. I've barely had time to sit down and type and when I did have time, I was usually so drained I just wanted to lay in my bed. I managed to get this out though, and it's ready to be posted. It's not really what I had planned for this chapter, but I figured it was needed to help make the next chapter make sense, cause the next chapter is going to be Las Vegas. It is going to be the party that they have been talking about and planning since the first chapter. So, enjoy it! I'm hoping that this next chapter won't take as long, so fingers crossed! Read and Review!

**Chapter 7**

**Nothing's wrong as far as I can see  
>We make it harder than it has to be<br>and I can't tell you why **

The line for security was dense and moving slowly, leaving Elena to once again get lost in her own head. People were buzzing all around her, but all she could think about was the irony of her situation. Damon always told her she was too scared to ever go after what she really wanted. He'd get so frustrated when she would bury her head in the sand and try to avoid the reality of what was going on around her.

Yet, she didn't do any of that today. She went after exactly what she wanted, just like he had told her to do so many times, and he'd turned her down flat. She grew a backbone and laid it all out, but he hadn't wanted it. She had been three years too late with learning her lesson and now it didn't matter.

None of it mattered anymore because he was getting married and she was left with nothing. She'd come back to New York for him and now she was leaving without him. Her throat constricted painfully at the thought and all she wanted was to call her best friends, but she couldn't. She couldn't call Caroline and Bonnie because they couldn't know. They had to remain in the dark until she was long gone and Damon had the chance at his perfect day.

She had to do it alone.

* * *

><p>"I had a really good time tonight."<p>

Elena smiled up at Jason; the third guy Caroline had set her up with in the past month. And just like the two dates before him, Jason just wasn't what she was looking for. He was a nice guy that many girls would be more than thrilled to go on a date with. She wasn't most girls though. She was Elena Gilbert and Jason just wasn't what she needed in her life.

"I did too," she agreed, because she had. It had been a great first date, but she didn't feel an attraction to him. She could admit that he was a handsome guy, but his hair wasn't quite dark enough. His eyes weren't that clear shade of blue that she found she loved getting pulled into. She had to tilt her head back just a little too far to really look at him. In short, she wasn't the man she'd found she loved spending her time with.

In the two months since she'd broken up with Matt, her friendship with Damon had only grown. They were still sticking to the excuse of spending time together because of Caroline and Stefan's upcoming bachelorette and bachelor party in Vegas, but there was something else going on. They'd spend hours together under the pretense of planning this massive party, while the reality was they always found themselves distracted and his assistant had planned most of the weekend. With the party coming up in just a couple days that excuse was soon going to be extinct, and a part of her worried what would happen once they no longer had an easy story to fall back on.

They were hovering somewhere between strictly friends and a blossoming _something_. Hundreds of sexually charged touches had been shared between them, but neither had crossed the line. There had been no more kissing and very little talk of sex. They were strictly platonic with a serious case of dangerous flirting.

It was those touches that had resulted in her blind dates in the past few weeks. The possibility of something legitimately happening with Damon and Elena was not a prospect that Caroline liked to consider. So, after a one month grace period, she'd been on a mission to find Elena a new boyfriend, and to find her one soon. None were panning out though, and she didn't really want them to. She might be unsure of where this path she was on was headed down, but she knew she wasn't interested in anyone Caroline was setting her up with.

"But," Jason hedged, a disparaged tone in his voice.

She cringed and glanced down at the floor. "Have I really been that bad?" She'd tried to pay attention and ask all the right questions, but until a few weeks ago, she hadn't been on a first date in four years. Combine that with not truly being interested in the date and she suspected she wasn't very much fun.

"You tried," he offered with a small smile. "I could tell your head wasn't really in it." He halted momentarily, weighing his words and whether or not she should say anything. He must have decided to go forward because he soon said, "Caroline told me you just got out of a four-year relationship. Dating has to be hard after that."

How nice Jason was being only made Elena feel worse for agreeing to this date, or any of the dates that Caroline had forced upon her. Her friend was setting her up with perfectly nice men who had no business being dropped into her tangled web. Maybe instead of being polite and sending Jason on his way, wondering what he could have done differently, she should just be honest and let him know that she was the absolute last person he wanted in his life right now.

"It's more than just that," she admitted softly. "I really shouldn't be dating right now."

Jason nodded his head understandingly. "You need time to adjust to everything. Being single after so long isn't easy."

"But I am adjusted." It had taken her a month, but she adjusted to being single and without Matt quicker than she thought she would. She mourned it, accepted it, and made peace with it. If there was anything she hadn't made peace with yet, it was having lost one of her best friends. He wanted nothing to do with her and that was still hard. So, really, not adjusting to the being single part wasn't her problem. She was her problem. "I'm just going to be honest, Jason. You don't want to date me. Trust me on that."

Jason smiled nervously. "I think you're selling yourself a little short. Breakups are hard and they change us, but you're not dating kryptonite forever."

"My breakup was hard, but not in the way that you think. I have an ex-boyfriend who believed he was going to marry me, and now he hates me. I'm talking, see me on the street and turn around and walk the other way _hates_ me. And that's because of me. There was nothing mutual about the ending."

"He wasn't right for you, that's not you're fault." Elena resisted the urge to roll her eyes in frustration. Leave it to Caroline to set her up with the male version of herself. That's probably why Caroline spent so long gushing about him. Jason was Caroline in male form, minus the hyperactive cheerleader inside of her. Once she outgrew high school and the typical teenage insecurities the real Caroline came out and she was the kindest person anyone would ever meet. She just about believed the best in anyone, and was always willing to give someone a second shot. And Jason appeared to be the same. He just wasn't quite believing that she really was horrible for him. To him, he was seeing a sweet girl that was shy after coming out of such a long relationship.

She looked at Jason and sighed, knowing that what she was about to say would make her look like the worst person on the face of this earth, but it needed to be said. He obviously was still hoping for a second date, and she couldn't let that happen. He had to know why she was so bad for him and that she wasn't making up excuses because she simply didn't like him. "Cheating is my fault, Jason. Cause you know how my four-year relationship ended? Him telling me he thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together only for me to drop the bomb on him that I'd been cheating on him for two months. Caroline of course wouldn't have mentioned this when she was gushing about how amazing I am, but the truth is I'm just a wrecking ball right now. I don't know which way is up in my life, and I still don't even know how much I feel for the guy that helped me ruin this relationship. So, really, it wasn't mutual or hard to get used to. It was just, flat out, my fault."

These seemed to be the magic words for Jason. "Yeah, I think you're right." He was vigorously nodding his head, ready to make a run for the stairs. She'd laid it all out and made herself look completely unappealing in the process, but he understood now what she'd been trying to say. She would be toxic to him. "For what it's worth, I think we could have had fun, but you obviously have a few more issues that Caroline didn't mention."

Elena smiled sarcastically at that. "Gotta love her. She should have been a lawyer with her creative wording."

"So," Jason started to back away from her and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you around."

She held up a hand and waved at him just before he turned toward the stairs. "Bye." Once he was out of sight she sighed and pushed her door open further and entered her apartment.

"Well that was a little blunt."

Elena spun around and nearly jumped out of her skin at the sight of Damon sitting on her couch. "Holy shit!" she gasped, a hand pressed tightly to her chest. "What are you doing here?"

Damon was lounging on her couch, his suit jacket and tie discarded on her coffee table. He was sporting a lazy grin as he took in her date attire. "Stefan told me Blondie had set you up on another date. I wanted to see how this one ended."

"By breaking into my apartment?" she practically shrieked at him as she tossed her purse on her kitchen counter.

"It's not breaking and entering if the landlady lets you in," he informed her.

She glanced up from pulling off her heels, a stunned expression on her face. "How did you get her to let you in?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Told her I was your boyfriend and was wanting to surprise you with a romantic dinner." He smiled again and motioned to his face. "I have a very honest face, Elena. People find me believable."

"_Women_ find you believable," she scoffed and dropped her last shoe onto the floor. "What if the date had gone well and I'd invited him into my apartment?"

Damon was not fazed by this question. "It could have led to an interesting night." He smirked before his expression turned serious again. "Come on, we both knew the date wasn't going to end well enough for you to invite him in. And even if I had thought it was possible, your bored texts throughout dinner gave it all away."

"I barely texted you," she called out from her bedroom, where she was getting changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

"You sent me 20 texts in an hour. The date was bombing. Frankly, I don't know how you still had to practically kick him out to make him realize there wouldn't be a second date."

Elena groaned as she exited her bedroom and threw herself unceremoniously onto the couch. "He was a nice guy that thought my odd behavior was because I hadn't completely gotten over my breakup, not because I was a cheating whore."

Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Unless there was some guy other than me, you really have to stop calling yourself a cheating whore."

"Whatever, I'm still a cheater that has no business dating perfectly normal guys right now. Who am I kidding? I have no business dating any guy right now."

"Does that mean you're considering my proposition?"

The hairs on the back of Elena's neck stood up. This happened every time he made a mention of them sleeping together. Her palms would get sweaty and everything in her body would go on high alert. A part of her wanted to desperately scream out that she was more than ready to sleep with him, but another part, the rational part, kept her quiet and scared.

Nervous, she looked at him and tried to casually ask, "Speaking of, where is this perfected argument you promised me all those months ago? I'm still waiting."

"I've simply been waiting for the right time. It is not something that can be done without you in the right frame of mind."

Elena eyed him skeptically. "You know I'm starting to think there is no argument. I think you just made it all up."

He reared back, an utterly offended look on his face. "I would never lie about something so serious."

"Then where's this argument?" she challenged. "I'm ready. I want to hear this argument."

Damon shook his head seriously. "I can't. You're not ready. It's why I haven't done anything yet. I'll know when you're ready, and when I know, you'll know."

"I don't think you're really ready for me to take you up on your proposition. I think you're still worried about me not regretting it, so you're deflecting."

"Trust me honey," he grinned at her and let his eyes roam freely over her body. "I won't deflect any advances you make on me."

She blew out an annoyed sigh and shoved Damon's shoulder. "Stop it. You know I hate when you do that." Every time she said anything remotely nice about him that wasn't in relation to his looks, he steered the conversation right back to his looks or something equally as trivial. She knew a part of him searched to hear that he wasn't a bad guy, but once the words were actually out of someone's mouth, he couldn't handle it. He didn't know how to piece it all together.

"Can't let things get too serious."

"That's exactly our problem."

Damon pulled back, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "We have a problem?"

"Why should I sleep with you if I can't actually be honest with you about things?"

"All we are is honest. That's the basis of this entire," he motioned between him and her, "thing."

"Not since I broke up with Matt. We still flirt dangerously with what's happening between us, but we don't really talk about you. How am I supposed to sleep with you when the deepest you are willing to go is that getting divorced sucks?"

"Cause there's not that much to share, Elena. And I've been honest from day one. I don't want a relationship. If I did, then I might share things, but I don't."

"You're so stubborn sometimes."

Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Like you're one to talk. You had Mark serve me all night last week when I said something to make you mad."

"Whatever," Elena shook her head. "I still think you're lying. I think you keep telling me you have these great reasons for us sleeping together, but you don't. It's either that or you really are trying to wait to make sure I'm over my breakup."

Damon leaned forward until he had Elena pinned against the corner of the couch. There was a predatory gleam in his eyes as he hovered above her. "Elena Gilbert, are you calling me a liar?" Her heart was suddenly pounding in her chest. His face was barely inches away from hers, so close she could feel his breath on her lips. Unsure of her own voice, all she could do was nod her head. "Now I can't have that."

She focused on trying to steady her breathing and not give away just how much his current position was having an affect on her. With as much strength as she could muster, she forced her voice beyond her lips. "So prove me wrong."

"How." He pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. "Would." Her other cheek. "I." This time his lips pressed gently against the edge of her mouth. "Do." His cheek brushed against hers as his lips landed at the bottom of her ear. "That?" It was getting harder to breathe with each soft touch of his lips against her tingling skin.

She tried to form words, but he was setting her on fire with his lips, and his fingers that were now dancing over the exposed skin of her stomach only ensured that the fire would not be extinguished any time soon. There was a small voice in the back of her head telling her she shouldn't do this. Sleeping with Damon couldn't end well, but her body was telling her to throw caution to the wind and go for it.

The two drinks at dinner were giving her courage to shut out that pesky voice. She grabbed Damon's face and pulled his mouth toward hers. "Come here." Her voice was husky and laden with desire, and it was all the encouragement he needed to give her what she wanted.

It had been two months, but his mouth melded as perfectly to hers as it had then. No invitation was required for his tongue to delve swiftly into her mouth and erase any thoughts in her head. Her hands slid down from his face onto his firm chest. With any coordination that was left in her, she began pulling at the buttons of his shirt until she would feel the soft pop and the tease of smooth skin that would soon be revealed to her fumbling fingers.

The kisses were more intoxicating than any amount of alcohol as his mouth trailed a steaming path down her neck. His tongue was like velvet against her burning skin. She'd never had passion like this with anyone and it made her feel like she was falling through a steamy darkness with no end in sight. All she had to hold onto was him.

A loud knock on Elena's door brought all movements to a sudden halt. Breathless and frustrated, Damon pulled away and asked, "Who is that?"

"I don't know," she hissed, trying to keep her voice quiet, so she wouldn't be heard. "Just ignore it." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his wiling mouth back down to hers. She didn't care who was at her door. She just wanted more of this.

There were only a few more moments of solace before whoever was outside her door began practically pounding on the thin door. "Elena, I know you're in there." Damon froze at the sound of Caroline's voice. Every part of his body tensed as he remained pressed against her, almost as if any movement would give away that he was inside the apartment. "I have my key. Don't make me use it."

Elena blew out an agitated sigh and pushed lightly on Damon's chest. "She'll just come in if I don't open the door."

Damon moved across the couch and she could see the frustration clearly on his face. She understood where it was coming. After two months of not kissing him she didn't want to open that door for Caroline either, but her friend wasn't leaving her with a choice. She watched as he began buttoning up his shirt and then made her way over to her door.

Certain that he didn't look as if he'd been about to carry her off to her bedroom; she pulled her front door open just wide enough to stand in the opening but block Caroline's view of her living room. Caroline stood in the hallway, her hand poised to knock once again. With the door now open, the blonde smiled and shook her head. "Finally, I was starting to think you were going to make me use my key."

Elena narrowed her eyes at Caroline. "It's for emergencies, Caroline."

"Whatever," she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "So, are you going to let me in and tell me how your date went?" She was practically bursting with excitement over the possibility of Elena's date having gone well.

With Damon just inside her apartment, Elena knew she couldn't let Caroline through her doorway. "It's pretty late, Care. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No! You have to tell me everything tonight." Caroline's demeanor suddenly changed. She craned her neck to try and peer around Elena. She looked like a dog with a bone and it was like she'd realized that something was just inside of Elena's apartment that she needed to see. "You're not alone, are you?"

Elena maneuvered herself to try and block as much of her place from Caroline as she could. "It's nearly midnight. Why wouldn't I be alone?"

Caroline's eyes positively sparkled at Elena's words. She leaned in toward Elena, her voice dropping to a soft whisper. "He's in there?"

"I'm not answering that." If she tried to say that Jason was in her apartment, Caroline would be calling her a liar before the words were even out of her mouth. It was one of the downfalls of having a best friend for more than 10 years. They could spot a lie from a mile away.

A wide smile spreads across her face. "Okay, I'm just going to go then. Call me tomorrow." As she backed away from Elena's door she gave her two thumbs up. "Good luck."

Elena waited until Caroline was out of view before she closed her door and locked it. With a sigh, she turned to look at Damon, still lounging comfortably on her couch. His frustration was still painfully evident on his face, but he didn't appear frustrated about being interrupted. He was frustrated with her. "She's gonna find out you're your little date wasn't the one in here," he told her tersely.

Her head fell against her door with a small thud. "I know," she groaned. Caroline would talk to Jason tomorrow and learn that he never made it inside her apartment, and once she figured that out, it would only take a few short steps for her to come to the end conclusion of just who was in her apartment.

"This is going to make Vegas a ball, I'm sure."

Elena froze at the mention of this weekend. She'd been almost dreading the weekend for weeks now. What excuse would she have to see him if they no longer were supposed to be planning this party? She knew they'd formed a close bond over the past few months, but once the reason was taken away for them to spend so much time together, she might actually have to face what was going on between them.

What happened on her couch was just proof that she really had no idea. She all but lied to Caroline because she couldn't even be honest about Damon being in her apartment. There was also the very real possibility that once they slept together, things would go drastically wrong and she'd lose him as a friend. She was still reeling from the friendship she'd lost with Matt. She didn't want to lose her friendship with Damon, especially since he'd been so instrumental with helping her see things clearly.

If she let herself get caught up in the desire like she had, she could very well end up in bed with him and ruin everything that they'd formed. "I guess it was good that she came, otherwise we'd probably be doing something right now that we shouldn't be doing."

"You know what? We do have a problem. Because I think it's exactly what we _should_ be doing. In fact, you don't even really think there's anything wrong with what we're doing. You just know that Caroline and Bonnie think it is. And you know damn well that I'm not still trying to play the good guy and worry about your feelings."

Elena debated on what she should say next. Despite how honest she was with Damon, there was still so much she didn't say. She was scared to share some things with him. He'd been very open about having no desire for a relationship and being completely done with the concept of love. Katherine had done a horrible number on him, and she didn't know if he'd ever fully recover. That kept everyone at arms' length. She didn't know how far she could push him yet, and she didn't want to risk pushing him too far, but she needed to say this.

"You can't even tell me why." She knew she was taking a risk by opening up this can that they'd tried to keep closed, but she needed more of a reason to sleep with him that went beyond it being fun. Right after she'd broken up with Matt, she might have slept with him, just to help distance herself from other things she was feeling, but what he claimed was a momentary act of maturity lasted for another two weeks, and by the time he let the sexual tension come back full force, her head was back on her shoulders. It was only moments like right before Caroline showed up that sent her rationality out the window. "You have shared no reasons why it would be a good idea. Just 10 minutes ago, you tried to distract me away from actually talking about it."

Rationality was not something she could afford to lose. It was those times that led to such a detrimental end with Matt. Even though she didn't regret meeting Damon and what had happened with them, she regretted the timing and the fact that Matt had to get hurt so badly in everything. She didn't want to hurt anyone again, even herself. That was why she needed clear answers from Damon, not just sarcastic remarks and sexual jokes.

Damon sighed and Elena knew that he did not want to have this conversation. While he was perfectly capable of having deep conversations with her, he didn't like them, and would avoid them if he could. He was going to try to avoid this; she knew it. His reply only confirmed her thoughts. "There's nothing to say. I like you. You like me. We're both single, so let's have some fun."

"It's not that simple," she argued. "There's a lot more that would go into this than just having fun. And if it doesn't work out, we don't really have the option to avoid each other forever."

"We never even met until Caroline and Stefan got engaged. The only reason we even really see each other is because there's something going on here. If there wasn't, we would have handled things with the party ages ago and been done with everything." Damon smirked, all seriousness gone from his voice. "Just be honest. You like spending time with me."

Elena groaned and rolled her eyes. She'd never been particularly fond of Damon trying to use his looks to charm her into things, but she was utterly frustrated with it tonight. She just needed him to open up. "That's not the point."

"Then what is the point, Elena?" Damon snapped, quickly dropping the charming act.

"The point is that as much as you think this would be a good idea, it's a recipe for disaster. You don't want a relationship, period. While I don't want one at the moment, I'm going to want one. I'm a relationship girl, Damon. That means that one of us is going to get hurt at some point, most likely me. And then this friendship we built is all for nothing."

"You're making assumptions based on what could happen." Damon pushed himself to his feet and moved to stand in front of her. "You spent four years planning everything out with Matt and look where it's ultimately gotten you. The fact is, you don't want to do any of those big, life-changing things right now. That's why this is a good idea. I'm not asking for anything serious, and you don't want to give anything serious right now. I'm offering a few months of fun. And after the year you've had, don't you think you could use it?"

"It's not that simple," she repeated softly, as he had Elena stumbling for words.

Damon rolled his eyes. "You've already said that." As she looked at the man in front of her, Elena now understood why she'd heard so much over the past few months that Damon Salvatore was not a man one wanted to go toe-to-toe with. Most of the time she could hold her own with Damon, but tonight, she was seeing a part of him that she'd never seen before. He could think quickly and shoot down her thoughts with no hesitation. This was not just the overly arrogant and sometimes nice man she'd come to know. This was a ruthless businessman who knew exactly what he was saying and how to say it.

"So what do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything. I want you to do what you want." Damon took another step in her direction. "Stop analyzing everything and just go after something for once in your life! This is why you got into the situation you did with Matt. This is why you're working at a bar. Worrying about everything has gotten you absolutely nowhere, because you consume yourself with the what ifs, and then when you do finally make a split second decision to do what you want, you mess it all up because you can't actually follow through on it. If you would just go after what you want from the start and stop being scared, things might actually turn out great."

His speech had Elena seeing red. Damon hadn't even known her for a year. He had no right to stand in front of her like this and make judgments about her life and how she chose to lead it.

"You barely even know me!" she shouted at him. "What gives you the right to say any of those things that you just did?"

"Nothing," Damon freely admitted. "Nothing gives me that right, but it needs to be said. And as for knowing you? I know you a lot better than you think I do. You may think that you and your girlfriends have the market covered on sharing information that isn't yours to be shared, but brothers have a tendency to talk, Elena. When your best friend is engaged to my brother, you're occasionally the topic of conversation."

A shiver went down her spine as she tried to think of what Stefan could have told Damon about her. She didn't like knowing that they sat around probably discussing all the ways that she was messed up. "What is that supposed to mean? What has Stefan said about me?"

"Now why would I tell you what is said between Stefan and me when you haven't told me a damn thing that Caroline has said to you?"

"How do you even know Caroline has said anything about you?" It was a poor excuse for deflection, but it was all she had left in her bag.

"Because I'm not stupid," he scoffed, offended by her question. "I'm sure Caroline has shared all sorts of insight into me and Katherine. And even if we ignore what Stefan's told me, I've spent enough time with you in the past few months to get a firm grasp on who you are. You get so caught up in not wanting to make mistakes that you wait for someone to practically force the decision on you. Just do what you want."

"I can't just do whatever I want, Damon. It's not that simple!"

"Would you stop saying that?" he shouted. "It is that simple. Stop worrying about everyone else and the what ifs. What do you want?" He stared at her as he waited for an answer, his breaths coming in short, rapid succession. She wished that she could give him an answer, but she couldn't. She just wasn't ready to take that step. At her continued silence, he rolled his eyes and said, "If you'd just take a step back, you'd realize that when you shut your brain off for five minutes, you actually want this. It's only when you get caught up in your own head that you screw everything up."

"Not thinking is what gets me in these messes," she whispered hoarsely.

"No, worrying about what everyone else thinks gets you in these messes. You're going out on dates you don't want to go on just because Caroline is telling you to. You won't even let her into your apartment cause you don't want her to know that I'm in here. You won't do anything about what's going on between us because you're scared of what might happen. And all of that is only going to get you into trouble." Damon walked over to her couch and picked up his phone and suit jacket. "Call me when you decide to grow a backbone."

And with that, he stormed past her and left her apartment, leaving her to stare at the empty space around her. This was the first fight they'd ever had and she didn't like it. She didn't like seeing him mad at her and not being able to give him a real answer, especially knowing that he was right. She did want him, but she was letting her head get in the way. Wasn't that what she was supposed to do though? Being an adult meant not being so impulsive and thinking things through. Damon was impulsive and he challenged her in ways she'd never been challenged before. He didn't let her avoid anything, and he wasn't scared to hurt her feelings.

He'd had front seat tickets to her cruelest moments, but he still liked her. He'd seen the good and the bad and he still wanted to spend time with her. He even cared about her. And according to Caroline, the people he cared about were few and far between. She'd gotten to something inside of him that very few people could, but she was still scared to make that final leap.

He was right. She didn't want to mess things up, but apparently she still was. Keeping them in limbo wasn't doing favors for either one of them, and his patience had run out on waiting for her to stop keeping things from her friends. She hadn't realized that he'd been growing frustrated with her, but she was obviously wrong. Her desire to keep Caroline in the dark resulted in him having to keep his brother in the dark. She wasn't being fair to him and that needed to change.

With a burst of courage, she picked up her phone and dialed Caroline's number. After a few rings, she heard the line connect on the other end. "Is he already gone?"

Elena decided to jump right in and practically blurted, "Jason wasn't here when you came by, Damon was. Damon was in my apartment and if you hadn't knocked on my door, we'd be having sex right now. I lied to you and I've been keeping a lot from you about Damon, but there's the truth. I like him and I haven't wanted to go on any of these dates that you've set me up on. So, there's the truth." She expected immediate yelling and overly dramatic antics, but all she got was silence. "Say something," she pleaded, not being able to take it.

She could hear Caroline sigh on the other end before she finally spoke. "Jason just called me, I figured out that Damon was the one in your apartment. And I knew that you didn't want to go on the dates. I just thought if I found these great guys for you that I could distract you enough to get over whatever it is you have with Damon."

"Well, I need you to stop. Cause now he's mad at me and I'm scared to do anything about us. I need you to be a friend right now and stop trying to play matchmaker. Can you do that?"

"Yeah, I'll be over in five minutes. Call Bonnie."


	9. Bloom

Author's Note: Alright, lovely readers, sit back and buckle your seat belts, it's going to be a long, bumpy ride. I have never written a chapter this long, and I debated so much about breaking this up, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. All of this stuff was just best left in one chapter. Again, it's super long, so bring food and water. This is the chapter I've been most excited about since I started this story and I really like it. I hope you all like it as well. I listened to the song Bloom by The Paper Kites pretty much on repeat for most of this chapter, so if you like music with your chapters, check that out. Enjoy! Read and review!

**Chapter 8**

**Oh, the whole world is sleeping  
>But my world is you<br>Can I be close to you? **

Stefan groaned as he deposited his empty shot glass on the coffee table. "I think we've had enough shots for now." He leaned forward and rested his head on his hands. It was a sad reminder that Stefan actually knew how to hold his liquor once upon a time. Then he fell head over heels in love with Caroline and got all domesticated, and now calls it a night after a handful of shots. Normally he would make fun of him, but today he needed the other Stefan to come out, the one that could have fun.

"There's no such thing," Damon insisted as he grabbed for the bottle of scotch. Before he could get his hand around it, Stefan reached out and pulled it across the table. "What the hell?"

"If you have to get drunk on your wedding day, there's a problem." Stefan's bleary eyes met his over the table and Damon's blue orbs flared in anger.

"I thought we were going to drop this. You have my back, remember?" Damon challenged his brother on the promise he'd made less than an hour ago. He could write a screenplay with all of the thoughts going through his brother's head right now, he didn't need them verbalized. He knew that Stefan wasn't truly on board with everything that was happening right now, but he just needed him to smile and fake it. He just needed his brother to tell him that he was doing the right thing.

"I do have your back," Stefan grit out. "That's why you need to get your head out of the sand and actually acknowledge what the hell is going on around you. The love of your life asked you to not get married and you sent her away."

Damon shoved a finger in Stefan's direction. "With your help! And don't call her the love of my life. I seem to remember you yelling at her not too long ago."

"You were practically begging me to tell her to leave. And Elena had it coming after everything that went down, but it doesn't mean I'm too stupid to realize what's really going on around me."

"Exactly! I wanted her to leave!" Damon was on his feet in an instant, staring down at his brother, as Alaric seemed to melt into the chair he was sitting in. After years of knowing the Salvatore brothers, he knew far better than to intervene in times like these. He was only going to step in if one of them tried to throw a punch, and as Damon stared down at his brother's face, he realized that Alaric's intervention might very well be needed in a few moments. "I wanted her to leave, Stefan! My answer was no! Elena made her choice the second she walked out of our house three years ago. I told her that if she went to Chicago, we were over. She left! I can't control the fact that she hasn't moved on."

"Oh, cause you didn't do anything that might encourage her in this past year?" Stefan was out of his seat now, his voice raised as he shouted at his brother.

"What do you care?" Damon yelled. "You barely said a word to her for a month when she got back. You don't want me back together with Elena, so sit down, shut up, and do your job as a best man!"

"Of course I don't want you with her! She broke your heart! You are my brother and I spent months dragging you out of bars and putting you to up in my guest bedroom. My feelings on you and Elena don't matter though. What matters are your feelings. If you still feel anything for Elena you can't go through with this and you know it."

Damon stalked around the coffee table to stand in front of Stefan. "What I know is that you're my brother and I need you to have my fucking back!" He punctuated his shouting with roughly shoving his palms against Stefan's chest. "Have my back!"

"Okay, guys, I think you need to break this up." Alaric rushed over from his chair and tried to intervene between the brothers.

"Shut up, Ric!" they both yelled at the same time before focusing their attention back on the other.

Stefan had stumbled back a few feet from Damon's shove, but he quickly recovered to shove Damon in return. "I do have your back!" He shoved Damon again. "This is me having your back!"

The disagreement between brothers was now a full-on shoving match. They were no longer grown men, but children again that would shove each other relentlessly until one brother gave in and threw the first punch. "This is you being a condescending asshole!" Damon shoved at Stefan's chest and stepped toward him as he stumbled backwards. "Saint Stefan!" He shoved Stefan in his chest again, daring him to throw the first punch. "My life is fucking perfect, so I have to tell my idiot older brother what a mess he's making of his life!"

When Damon tried to shove Stefan again, he pushed Damon's arms out of the way. "If that were true, I would have told you in Vegas not to sleep with Elena, because it was the absolute worst possible time for either of you to be in a relationship. And look where it got you!"

The front door slammed the same moment Damon's arm was swinging around to land a solid punch to Stefan's face. The interruption brought both brothers to a halt. They turned to see Caroline standing just inside the suite. Her blue eyes bounced between the brothers, an expectant look on her face. "What the hell is wrong with you two?" Damon and Stefan looked at each other then back to Caroline, but both stayed silent. "One of you better start talking. Now!"

* * *

><p>Damon never thought it would be possible, but he wanted to leave Las Vegas. He wanted to pack his bag, charter the private plane, and fly back to New York. He'd fly the plane himself if it would get him out of this disaster zone as soon as possible. What was supposed to be a weekend of debauchery was shaping up to be a weekend of silence filled conversations and more avoidance than Carmen San Diego.<p>

It was as if someone had had asked him what would be his absolute worst nightmare for a weekend in Vegas and made it happen. The only thing that could make the weekend worse was if Katherine was along for the ride. From the moment everyone showed up at the airport that afternoon, tensions had been running high.

Elena was practically burning holes in the back of his head, but she hadn't said a word to him yet. Bonnie was attached at the hip to her, probably making sure that he couldn't seduce the innocence out of her – as if she had any left at this point. Mason was probably two seconds away from giving him a black eye. He obviously was still mad about his comment at the engagement party, while his wife avoided looking at him at all costs. Caroline and Stefan were the surprises though. He expected to spend at least half of his weekend carrying a trashcan around as his plus one due to their incessant PDA. However, they'd been oddly distant. Everything seemed fine, but he hadn't had the desire to gauge his eyes out once in the past eight hours.

Blondie, he didn't care so much about, but Stefan was who had him worried. There was something going on with his brother. He was in the stage where he was still faking like everything was fine, when everything obviously wasn't. And knowing his brother like he did, he knew what the next phase was going to be. Thanks to the genetic gods out there, he had been stuck with Stefan as his little brother. And what did little brothers do when something was wrong in their life? Piss off their older brother of course. He didn't know when it would come, but it _would _come, and if he didn't figure out the problem before his patience ran out, it would end in a fight.

He suspected Caroline would kick him out of the wedding for good if he kicked his brother's ass.

So, yeah, he really wanted to go home.

"Damon." He cringed as he heard her speak softly behind him. He was standing in what was designated as his room in the spacious four-bedroom penthouse at the hotel. He'd been standing in front of the window for 10 minutes, staring out at the strip, trying to come up with any way to make it through the weekend. Talking to Elena was not one of the ideas that had run through his head. "You can't play deaf," she said quietly, when he didn't acknowledge her.

With a sigh, he shoved his hands into his pockets and turned to face her. "What do you want Elena?"

Her face fell at the cool tone in his voice and he mentally cursed himself for feeling even the tiniest bit bad about it. He was the one that had been honest from the very beginning. Why was he the bad guy because he actually said what he wanted? Maybe it wasn't romantic or epic like so many girls seemed to want, but it was honest. After going through the divorce with Katherine, he'd learned that the Hollywood romance ideas didn't keep a relationship afloat. Any relationship, friendship or romantic, had to be built on honesty and trust. He'd given that to Elena and it was all he'd asked for in return. It would have sucked if she didn't really want to sleep with him, but as long as she was honest, he wouldn't have really cared.

She took a tentative step inside his room, but she didn't look comfortable or at ease like she normally was in his presence. "I haven't talked to you all week."

"I told you to call me when you grew a backbone. Have you?"

"Stop it," she admonished him, and while he sometimes might listen to her and try to be a little nicer, he wasn't in the mood to be the good guy today. Nobody believed he was, so why should he even try?

"Stop what?" he questioned. "Stop being honest? Stop telling you things that you need to hear? Stop deciding that I don't need a repeat of my relationship with Katherine?"

She visibly flinched at the mention of Katherine. "I'm not her."

"Try and rob me of 20 million dollars and you'll be pretty damn close."

She looked away, hurt by his insinuation of her. "Is that what you really think of me? I'm just messing with you for fun?"

When she looked back up at him with wounded eyes he wanted to tell her that no, he didn't really think that. She was different from Katherine in every way imaginable. However, that didn't mean that she wasn't still jerking him around, like Katherine had once done. She might not do it maliciously, but she was doing it. "To tell you the truth, I don't really know what to think. You're hot and cold and I'm sick of it. I already did this with Katherine and it didn't end well for me. I'm not doing it again."

This confession sparked something in her and she rushed across the room to come stand directly in front of him. She pressed her slender hands against his chest and stared up at him. "I don't want to be hot and cold. I really like you, Damon. It's sucked not having you around this past week." She smiled self-consciously. "I missed you."

Something pulled at him deep within his gut at her confession. She sounded heartfelt and sincere, and he couldn't ignore the vulnerability that flashed in her eyes. Was it possible that something had changed in the past week and she wanted to let loose and explore what was there with them? Or was it just going to be more of the same? He didn't want to stick around and find out.

He grabbed her hands and gently removed them from his body. "I need to go." Her face fell at his words. "Mason and I are supposed to take Stefan to the casino for a boy's night."

When Damon stepped around Elena, her hand shot out and grabbed his arm. She held tightly to his arm and looked up at him. "Don't walk away."

"Have fun with the girls," he said softly and left her behind in his room.

It was a short walk across the penthouse to the room Stefan and Caroline were sharing, which had the best room and best bathroom in the place. Being the couple of honor came with some nice perks. He found Stefan sitting on the bed, staring down at his phone. When he heard footsteps, he looked up and rolled his eyes. "You finally ready to go?"

Damon groaned and rolled his eyes in return. "Yes, get your panties out of a bunch and come on."

Stefan called out to Caroline, who was in the bathroom, as he stood from the bed. "We're going out, Care. I'll see you later."

"Aren't you going to come say goodbye?" she whined from the bathroom.

"We're running late, I'll just talk to you later."

Damon eyed his brother suspiciously as they left the bedroom. He'd expected to have to forcibly pry Caroline and Stefan off of each other. "What was that about?" he questioned once they were in the hallway.

"What's going on with you and Elena?" he countered.

"Point taken," he mumbled, as they came to a stop at Mason and his wife's bedroom. He quickly knocked on the door and pushed it open, not caring that he was interrupting a conversation between Mason and his wife. "You ready to get this show on the road?"

"Yeah, let's do this," he sighed before leaning down and kissing Whitney's head. She sat up to allow him to stand up from the bed. "Have fun."

"Bye Whitney," Damon smirked as they left the room.

"Just because it's your brother's bachelor party doesn't mean I won't kick your ass," Mason threatened him.

"Relax, Mason. I have enough girl drama without adding your wife to the mix."

And because fate was not on his side tonight, Elena emerged from his bedroom at precisely that moment. She froze when she saw the three of them and her gaze caught Damon's. They looked at each other for a few moments, and just when she was about to open her mouth to speak, Damon walked past her.

When they exited the penthouse, Mason said, "I'm guessing your girl drama isn't with Katherine."

"Nope, that ship has long since sailed, along with my money and house."

"Can we not talk about your drama for one night?" Stefan snapped.

Damon pressed the down button for the elevator and turned to look with Stefan. "I don't know what your problem is, but please get it together. I don't want to deal with your hissy fit all night."

"Maybe you're my problem, Damon. I'd like to have one weekend that doesn't revolve around whatever issues you have going on with whichever female you're interested in the moment."

The elevator doors slid open in front of them and all three men piled into the small space. "Oh joy, this is gonna be a blast."

Five hours later, Damon found himself stuck on the same elevator with Mason and his brother, and he was ready to blow a gasket. As predicted, the night had been absolutely horrible. Stefan had been making snide comments all night long. Everything Damon said or did seemed to warrant commentary from Stefan, none of it being anything good.

"I bet if you tried hard enough, you could figure out a way to blame Katherine for all the money you just lost at the casino," Stefan spoke up from behind him.

Damon stared up at the numbers above the elevator door, counting down each floor that they passed, desperate to escape the vortex of hell that he'd been sucked into when he stepped off the plane earlier today. He was going to lose his damn mind.

"You need to grow up, Stefan!" Damon shouted at his brother as he exited the elevator. "I'm getting a little sick of babysitting you!" He stalked toward the penthouse, anxious to get away from his younger brother. His patience was on it's absolute last leg, and if Stefan didn't watch his mouth, it was going to be eating a fist in the near future.

He'd tried to suck it up and be nice, he really had, but enough was enough. Stefan wasn't sharing what was wrong with him, and Damon was sick of it being taken out on him. He understood that Stefan used him as the punching bag, because they were brothers and no matter what happened, Damon was never going to not be there for his brother. He needed a break though. He could start it all up again tomorrow, but tonight, he needed it to be over.

Stefan snorted in disbelief as he stalked after Damon. "Oh, I need to grow up? That's rich coming from you! You're almost 30, but you never think about the consequences of a damn thing that you do!"

Damon came to a stop at the door and turned to look at his brother who had gone well beyond his limit of drinks he should have consumed tonight. He leveled him with a dangerous look and gave him a swift warning. "You're treading on dangerous ground, Stefan. If you were anyone else, I would have laid you out hours ago. But since you're my brother, I've let it slide. You need to go inside, drink some water, and have Blondie take care of you for the rest of the night."

He turned and slid the key into the slot and waited for the light to turn green before opening the door to the penthouse. "Would you stop calling her that?" Stefan demanded from behind him as they stormed into the penthouse, Mason trailing slowly behind them, knowing more than enough than to get involved in any fighting between the brothers. He'd learned his lesson in college when he tried to intervene only to end up being hit by Stefan. Damon and Stefan had a definite case of they could say anything they wanted to about each other, but nobody even got to agree without landing in hot water.

"I only say it with love," Damon sang out. "Go to bed, Stefan. And please, for the love of God, whatever the hell is wrong with you, sleep it off."

He made his way toward his bedroom, but he couldn't even make it to the hallway before Stefan started talking again. "Love? What do you even know about love?"

He froze in his steps and released a deep sigh. "It was a joke, Stefan. Give it a rest."

"I need to give it a rest?"

"Jesus Christ!" Damon swore as he spun around on his feet and stormed back over to Stefan. "Would you stop repeating everything I say and just shut up? Or better yet, tell me what the hell your problem is. Cause I'm sick of paying the price for it."

"Here's a problem for you! I'm sick and tired of hearing about how you're going to ruin Elena and break her heart. I have to hear about that stupid drama every night from Caroline. You tell me to grow up, but I'm the one that seems to always be dragged into your relationship drama. First, it was Katherine and now I have to deal with whatever it is you have going on with Elena."

Damon held up his thumb on his right hand. "One, the Katherine thing wasn't my fault. I can't control the fact that she turned into a crazy bitch overnight." He held up his index finger on the same hand. "Two, I can't control what Caroline says, even though I'd sure like to."

"How about you do this? Stop trying to screw my fiancé's best friend!"

"Trust me, Stefan. That's the last thing I'm trying to do this weekend." He paused and tilted his head. "Actually, I just want to go home. That's all I really want out of this weekend now. I don't even want to be here."

"So go home!" Stefan shouted. "Nobody is forcing you to be here, Damon. You don't want to be here? Leave!"

There was no rhyme or reason to it, but those words were the ones that sent Damon to his breaking point. "I never even wanted to do this Vegas thing! This was all you and Caroline! So, what do I do? I spend months trying to make this perfect so I can maybe get five minutes without Caroline bitching at me, and because it's what _you_ wanted!"

"You didn't plan a thing and you know it! This entire trip was planned by your assistant. The whole time you and Elena claimed to be working on this trip you were trying to get into her pants! Just admit it, Damon! You didn't do any of this for me. It was all about you!" Stefan stepped forward and shoved Damon roughly on his chest. "It's always about you."

He stumbled for a moment before regaining his balance and taking a menacing step toward his brother. "Watch it."

"Don't get me wrong, I can see why you'd be attracted to her," Stefan taunted. "I mean, why wouldn't you want to sleep with her? Everyone here knows she could pass for Katherine's sister. I guess if you can't have the real thing," he trailed off.

If he ever intended to finish the sentence nobody would know, because Damon soon swung his right arm around and caught Stefan squarely in the jaw. His brother was stunned for a moment, but the shock quickly wore off and he lunged at Damon. Suddenly fists were flying and Damon's head rolled to the side when he felt Stefan's fist collide with his nose. It stung more than he'd ever admit, but it didn't stop him from sending another punch in Stefan's direction.

The brothers tumbled to the ground, losing any form or knowledge of fighting they may have. All they cared about was landing as many hits as they could, no matter how big or small. He could hear screaming somewhere in the haze of all the fighting, but it didn't penetrate his mind as they rolled around on the floor, occasionally hitting furniture and sending it sliding across the room. Damon didn't feel 28 anymore, he felt 13 and like he was still fighting with his brother over a stupid video game. He didn't care how stupid or immature it all was, he just kept hitting and hitting, desperate to get his frustration out on his brother.

Soon, before either brother was ready to cave, Mason managed to force the brothers apart. Caroline was now there desperately grabbing hold of Stefan's arm and pulling him toward her. Seething, Damon stood up and glared at his brother, but as he took in the site of his brother's bloodied face and torn clothes, the anger dissipated and he was left shell-shocked. Stefan looked equally as dazed and confused as Caroline cried next to him, trying to turn him to face her.

He could feel a soft tugging on his arm with small, insistent hands that tried to pull him away, but he could only see his brother. They stared at each other for several long, guilt ridden moments before Stefan finally turned to Caroline and wiped the tears from her face. He softly spoke to her, his words undistinguishable to Damon, but the words didn't seem to comfort her as she continued to shake her head and cry. At the continued pulling on his arm, he turned to see Elena beside him, a stricken look on her face. Her eyes were flooded with tears as she looked up at him, and he could now feel her hands shaking against his skin.

She tightened her hold on him and pulled him toward the hallway. Without thought or coaxing, his feet began moving after her as she guided him from his younger brother. He couldn't help but look back over his shoulder to see Caroline also guiding a damaged Stefan to bed. The brothers shared a pained look before turning away and disappearing to their respective ends of the penthouse.

Elena was silent as she guided Damon into his room and sat him down at the edge of his bed. He sat motionless while she slid into his bathroom only to return with a wet towel and bandages moments later. With no thought to the comforter, she set the wet towel and all of the other items down on the white fabric. He watched as her still trembling fingers slid over his skin. Her voice was shaking as well when she finally spoke, "God, you're bleeding." He winced when her fingers ran over what he assumed to be a nasty gash on his eyebrow. "Sorry."

She grabbed the towel from the bed and began gently cleaning the blood off of his face. "You don't have to do this," he whispered. He'd been in fights before. He was more than capable of taking care of himself. He didn't need her to do anything for him.

"I know," she admitted softly, never halting her movements. They fell into a silence again as she focused her attention on then cleaning his cuts, which stung like a bitch. He tried to mask the hisses and groans of pain caused from the antiseptic, but some of them felt worse than the punch itself had. "Does it hurt much?"

"Physically? Not too bad. Knowing I just beat the crap out of my brother and had no intention of stopping? Like hell. Absolute hell."

Elena pressed her fingers beneath his chin and tilted his face up so she could look at him. "He feels the same way." He could feel her thumb running gently over his sore cheek. "I don't know what happened tonight, but he feels horrible. The second he saw you on the floor and realized what had really happened, he was devastated."

A wave of guilt crashed over him as Stefan's face flashed through his brain. "I haven't punched my brother since I was 23. We don't fight. Not each other. I protect him." The alcohol combined with the difficult and confusing feelings he had running through him were twisting him up inside. "He's always been so naïve and willing to believe the best in anyone. My whole life I've protected him." He sighed and looked down at the dried blood on his sore knuckles. "We've fought before, but never like that. I have never done that to my brother before."

"Hey," Elena coaxed his gaze back to her gently. "You both had a little too much to drink. Mistakes happen."

Damon shook his head. Nothing Elena said could make him feel better about what he'd just done to his brother. "I knew something was wrong with him. He's been annoying me all night because he knew I was the only one that would let him get away with it. I reached my limit though. I just wanted to go to bed and for it to be over. I shouldn't have hit him."

For all the horrible things he'd done to his brother, he'd truly never done that. After the fight with Elena and the horrible week that followed, he'd already been in a bad mood before the trip even started. Then, everyone was on edge from the moment they met at the airport, and he had the unfortunate conversation with Elena earlier. His nerves had been nearly shot before they even had their first drink, and when Stefan kept pushing and pushing, he lost it. He hadn't been able to control it any longer. He'd snapped, and every bit of anger he had was unleashed on him.

"I heard what he said, Damon," she said to him softly, tearing him from his thoughts. "If you wouldn't have hit him, he would have hit you. Stefan wanted a fight, and he wanted it from you."

"But why? Why did we even have to fight? Why can't he just tell me what's wrong? There's something wrong with him, and he should have just told me." He groaned and shook his head, upset about the situation and how he was acting now. He felt vulnerable and exposed, something he hadn't been since Katherine.

Elena crouched down and nestled herself between Damon's widened stance, her arms resting on his legs. "Because he isn't ready to say what's wrong yet. It's what siblings do. We have something that we're too scared to put into words, but we can't live with everything inside of us. So, we take it out on our sibling, because they will put up with the most. And if it ends in a fight, they have to forgive us. You're the only guarantee that everything will be okay in the end, because he knows that you're always going to be there."

"How do you know any of this?"

"I have a younger brother, remember? The stories are endless." He could feel Elena's fingers tracing softly over the fabric of his pants, running soft circles on the material. "We treat our siblings in a way we'd never treat anyone else, because that's the only person that is ever going to get it. Stefan has never known a world without you. You two know each other better than anyone ever will. Sometimes that's great, but sometimes it gives the two of you the comfort to act out, because at the end of the day, you'd never turn your back on each other."

He looked down at Elena's sympathetic gaze. The remorse for how he'd treated her all day fell like a heavy weight on top of the remorse he felt for his fight with Stefan. He'd been rude and arrogant to her all day, but she'd brought him to his room and worked to clean him up and comfort him. Like always, there was no judgment, only acceptance. He didn't deserve it.

"You don't have to do this – take care of me. I've been mean to you all day."

She nodded her head. "I know I don't have to do this. I need to talk to you though. I've been trying to talk to you all day."

Damon glanced away, not wanting to hear what Elena needed to talk to him about. His weekend was already a disaster. If what she had to say was bad or about how they couldn't mess up their friendship, he wanted to wait until they were back in New York City. He hadn't had to spend much time around her today, but tomorrow, he'd be forced to spend practically every moment with her. He didn't want to have to spend the rest of the weekend with her without the option to touch or smile at her any way he wanted to.

Even if she wouldn't want to admit it, if they defined the relationship as strictly platonic, it would change their friendship. Half of their dynamic was built on the sexual tension that existed between them. He'd rather wait for everything to be defined once they got home, not here.

"Can we just not talk about this tonight?" he requested. "I don't think I can handle anything else right now."

"No, we are going to talk about this tonight." She lifted one hand to the side of his face to try and pull his gaze back toward hers. He resisted for a few moments, but when he couldn't resist it any longer, he brought his blue orbs back to focus on her again. When he was fully focused on her, she began, "If you would have given me the chance, you'd know that I've been trying to talk to you all day because I was going to tell you that I don't like you not being around. I've hated not talking to you all week, and you know what else I've hated?" He shook his head dejectedly; unaware of what else had bothered her during the week. "Not being able to look at you or touch you or just hear you laugh."

His breath hitched in the back of his throat. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you were right. I was scared, and I was lying. Caroline and Bonnie, they know everything now. I told them that I didn't want to lie anymore and that I'm sick of being scared. So, what I've been trying to tell you all day is that I'm in."

"In?"

"It could be a disaster." Elena quickly stood up and ran her hands through her long locks. She let out a nervous laugh as she shook her head. "God, this has the potential to end horribly for everyone. I don't want to be _just_ your friend though. I like you and I have no idea where this is going to lead, but I'm in. For as long as this works, I'm in."

Damon stared up at Elena in shock. He had not expected the conversation to turn out like this. He'd expected apologies and a million reasons why they needed to keep everything platonic. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Before he made a single move, he needed to be absolutely clear on what Elena was telling him.

A soft smile spread across her face and she nodded her head. "Yeah, I am."

He was up and off his feet before she could blink and had her in his arms. Then he was kissing her. After one week of not being able to touch her or even hear her voice, it was like finally having a drink after being stuck in the desert for a month without water. Her lips were intoxicating as they moved against his, and her tongue was driving him wild every time it would slide slowly into his mouth.

His fingers tangled deep in her dark tresses, pulling her closer to him and everything he was feeling. He could feel her chest heaving against his, her breasts pressed tightly against his shirt. The kisses were long and lingering, igniting a fire in his veins. She clung tightly to him, her hands grasping desperately at his face.

"God, I want you," he gasped out between addicting kisses. Her response was to pull his mouth back to hers and drag him back toward his bed. Before they tumbled onto the soft mattress and into the vast unknown, there was a soft stumbling noise just outside of his room. They both quickly pulled apart and turned to the hallway. Stefan was attempting to retreat from his bedroom unnoticed, not wanting to interrupt Damon and Elena, but Damon called out to him. "Stefan."

He froze in the doorway, but didn't turn around. "I didn't mean to interrupt." He moved to continue leaving, but Damon took quick strides to reach him before he could disappear.

"Wait." He grabbed Stefan's arm and turned him to face him. He swallowed thickly as he took in the cut under Stefan's left eye and the tell tale signs of an impending black eye. "What is it?"

Elena spoke up from behind him. "I'm going to go. I think you two need to talk." She swiftly exited the room, but once she reached the hallway she turned and shared a long, agonizing gaze with Damon. The disappointment was evident in her eyes and he could practically see the doubts forming in her head again. He wanted desperately to pull her back into the room and not let her leave until he'd thoroughly had his way with her and explored every inch of her body, but he knew he needed to talk to Stefan. Elena would have to wait for now.

She finally averted her gaze and disappeared down the hallway, leaving him to focus his attention back on Stefan. He looked sad and confused as he shuffled nervously on his feet, and he found himself feeling even guiltier. They weren't supposed to be nervous around each other. "I'm sorry," he apologized, his voice filled with an amount of sincerity he didn't know he possessed. With tentative movements, he reached out and turned Stefan's face so he could see if there were any other injuries. Thankfully, the cut and bruise were all he had. "I shouldn't have hit you."

"I deserved it." He turned to look down the hallway and then closed Damon's door, presumably for more privacy. "Truthfully, I deserved it hours ago." Stefan appraised the damage he'd done to Damon's face. He groaned and closed his eyes. "God, I'm sorry." With a dejected sigh, he dropped down onto the edge of Damon's bed.

"What's gotten into you?" Damon questioned. "This isn't you."

"I know," he whispered.

"So tell me what the hell is wrong with you. And don't you try and tell me that it was me! I know you, and you've been taking something out on me that wasn't even about me."

"I was wrong. I know that."

"Jesus, Stefan," he blew out with frustration. "We can't fix this if you don't tell me what's bothering you. _I_ can't fix it if you don't tell me."

Stefan looked down at the floor. "You can't fix this."

"Come on, I may have just beaten the crap out of you, but you really don't think I'd let anyone else mess with you. Tell me what happened."

"I'm scared!" Stefan nearly shouted as his head shot back up so he could look at Damon. He nervously glanced toward the closed door and then lowered his voice. "I'm scared, okay?"

Damon took a small step toward his brother, nervous to hear the answer to his next question. "What are you scared of?"

"I'm 24 and I'm getting married in two weeks. And in a few years I'll probably have kids. I don't know if I'm ready for kids. What if I'm wrong about Caroline? What if I really have rushed into this and I'm making a mistake?"

He had to resist the urge to smile as he listened to Stefan's nervous ramblings. He'd started to get genuinely worried that something serious was wrong. It was just cold feet though, absolutely nothing. He could more than handle this problem. "This is the reason I had to kick your ass?"

"I'm being serious here, Damon. What if I'm wrong about everything?"

"Okay look, tell Caroline about anything I say in this room and Mason won't be able to pull me off of you, got it?" he questioned as he sat down next to a jittery Stefan who mutely nodded at him. "For as much shit as I give Caroline, the girl is practically tailor-made for you. Cause let's face it, you're uptight and take yourself way too seriously. If you didn't have Caroline I'd probably be hiding Prozac in your food like you do for dogs."

"Then why am I so scared? If Caroline is who I'm supposed to be with, why am I having doubts?"

Damon laughed at the obviousness of it all. "Cause you're getting married. That's a really big deal. You know what the first thing I did on the morning I married Katherine was? I threw up. My first memory of that day is puking my guts out on my bathroom floor."

Stefan looked at him, dumbfounded. "You're divorced. How is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Hey, you came to me, okay? Giving advice isn't exactly my forte."

"I love her," he whispered brokenly. "I love Caroline more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I can't imagine my life without her, but we're still so young. She's barely out of college. I don't want to end up divorced."

"Statistics are that one in every two marriages end in divorce right? Well, there's two of us and I just got divorced." He clapped a hand over Stefan's shoulder. "So, you're welcome. There's your wedding present." Stefan continued to stare down at his hands, a pensive expression on his face. "Stefan, you're not going to get divorced. You and Caroline are going to be blissfully happy for the rest of your lives and have lots of blonde babies."

"You really think I'm making the right decision?" he choked out.

Damon stood up and pulled Stefan to his feet as well. "Alright, look at me," he commanded. "You love Caroline and you know you want to marry her. This was just a momentary lapse in judgment. So, you're going to leave my room and go have sex with your fiancée while you still can."

Stefan allowed Damon to guide him toward the door. "Why would I not be able to?"

"Haven't you heard?" Damon asked as he opened the door. "Once you get married, the sex stops. Enjoy it while it lasts." He pushed Stefan into the hallway and then followed him out.

"I don't remember that being the case with you and Katherine."

"And my marriage didn't last," he pointed out. "Do yourself a favor. Don't model your marriage after mine."

"I don't plan to." Stefan stopped in the living room and turned to look at Damon. "I'm really sorry about what I said tonight. I shouldn't have brought up Katherine or Elena."

Damon shrugged. Stefan's apology wasn't needed. He knew how bad Stefan felt bad about how he'd behaved. "Just don't do it again. Next time, I won't beat you up; I'll just steal your hair gel."

Stefan rolled his eyes. "Cause you don't spend half of your day staring at your reflection and messing with your hair."

"The mirror just loves me."

"Whatever," Stefan groaned. "I'm serious though. I don't belong in your business with Elena. Whatever you and her have, that's between the two of you. I'll stay out of it." He began backing up while holding his hands up in surrender.

"Good, tell your fiancée the same."

"Wouldn't do me any good if I tried." And with that, he turned and disappeared down the hallway toward his bedroom.

He watched after him for a moment before turning around to go back to his room. Elena, who had been walking toward the kitchen, froze when she saw him crossing the living room. She was now dressed in her pajamas; the cotton shorts leaving little to the imagination as they showed off her toned legs.

"Hey," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

She shifted the weight from one foot in front of the other. "Hey."

The silence of the penthouse surrounded them as they stared at each other. So many thoughts were flowing through his head, the focal point of them all being how much he wanted her. The rope of tension was pulled taut between them while they stared at each other, silent and unmoving. It felt like he had been standing there for an eternity when something snapped. He was done waiting and she was too.

They crossed the room in a flash, coming together somewhere in the middle in a flurry of tangled limbs and heated skin. He parted her mouth with his and explored the soft recesses of it. Her tongue met his in an intoxicating dance that turned his world on its side. Needing to be closer to her, his hands dropped down to just under the gentle curve of her backside and swiftly lifted her into his arms as she brought her legs to twine around his hips.

"I have to have you," he whispered when their lips parted. She only moaned against his mouth and pulled his lips back to hers. He blindly began moving toward his bedroom, a feat that felt nearly impossible as Elena's mouth began an exploratory trip down his neck and her fingers worked desperately to rid him of his shirt. They bounced from one wall to the other until he finally stumbled into his room.

"Door," she murmured against his flesh. "Lock it."

He didn't have to be told twice. There would be no more interruptions tonight; he wouldn't allow it.

He spun them around and used Elena's back to slam the door shut and then pressed her against the dark wood so he could lock out all unwanted visitors. After she heard the click of the lock, she pulled her mouth from his neck to look down at him with lust-filled eyes. A teasing smirk played across her lips when she took in his disheveled form.

"Legs down. Now," he commanded and she easily complied, allowing her feet to drop soundlessly onto the floor. He gripped her hands and pulled her away from the door enough so he could grab the bottom of her thin t-shirt and pull it up and over her head. "So perfect," he said in a husky voice as his hands reached out to cup her full, naked breasts. She moaned when his fingers teased her nipples until they were hardened from his touch.

She lifted her hands to his parted shirt and pushed it down his arms, until it finally fell to a heap on the floor. "Much better." She smiled appreciatively and ran her hands over the smooth skin of his stomach.

After a moment of allowing her to appreciate what she saw, he pulled her roughly against him, bringing their mouths crashing together again. He gripped her hips and began guiding her toward the bed. As they tumbled onto the bed, he cleared his mind of any and all thoughts but her. The feel of her fingers threaded through his hair. The heat that he could feel emanating from her skin. The drugging way in which her hips rolled against his. She was all he could see and feel and he wanted more.

He slid his hands down the bare skin of her stomach until he reached the soft material of her shorts. "You're too clothed." She gladly took the invitation and lifted her hips off the bed just enough for him to slide her last pieces of clothing off of her body. Now that he had her naked beneath him, he blazed a slow, torturous path up her legs, taking time to appreciate every inch of skin his lips touched until he reached the juncture of her thighs. Her body shook with excitement when his tongue slid against her moist heat. "So wet."

She surprised him when she grabbed onto his shoulders and began pulling him up her body. "Later," she nearly choked out. "I need you _now_." Once she had him hovering above her, she pushed at his chest until he fell over onto his back. "First, I need you naked." Her dark tresses framed her face as she traced a delicate finger down his torso until she reached his belt. With expert movements, she unbuckled his belt and pants, and in no time, she was pushing the designer material onto the floor. "I think you're ready for me too," she said as she teased the tip of his erection with her fingers.

There was a predatory look in her eyes when she looked up at him from the foot of the bed. She was on all fours, her gaze locked on his, and he was mesmerized. He couldn't tear his eyes away as she slowly crawled up the bed. Once she was within distance, he grabbed her face in his hands and tugged her mouth to his. "I've been ready for months," he whispered and allowed his tongue to dart out against his lips before retreating back into his mouth.

He had them flipped over before a retort could form on her lips. His hand grazed her breast and moved down her taut stomach to her parted thighs and rubbed his thumb teasingly over her clit. Her eyes fluttered closed and her head fell back against the pillows, her hair fanning out around her. "You're teasing me," she moaned between her shallow breathing.

"I know," he smirked down at her, despite the fact that her eyes were closed. "I just can't help myself."

Her eyes opened at his tease and she pinned him with a petulant stare. "I want you inside of me."

"Are you sure?" he flicked his thumb against her and her body shook.

"Yes," she gasped. "Now."

Without another word, he gripped her hips and positioned himself at her opening. Her eyes were fully trained on him now as she waited in anticipation for what would come next. He watched her face as he slowly slid inside of her and had to resist the urge to come then and there. He'd been waiting months to finally be inside of her and now he was. She was warm and tight and everything he'd hoped for. She moaned and clenched her muscles tightly once he was fully inside of her. She was heaven. And judging by the look on her face, he assumed that she must feel the same.

He was still inside of her for a moment, taking his time to absorb everything that was happening. When her hips rolled seductively beneath him, he couldn't wait any longer. He pulled out only to thrust back into her, eliciting another moan from Elena.

Their breathing was swift and shallow as he moved inside of her. They quickly found their rhythm and he slid one of his hands down the side of her face. "You're so beautiful." She smiled and pressed one hand against his back, urging him on. He sped up his thrusts as she continued to stare up at him, her gaze never straying from him.

"Oh god," she moaned, when he struck a new pace and rotated his hips. Her eyes fell from his as she dropped her head back onto the pillow and whispered his name. Her body was glistening with sweat and he could feel her shiver beneath him as she struggled to catch her breath. "Damon," she sighed again. She clung tightly to him, pulling his body closer to hers.

He could feel her getting closer the edge when she began meeting him thrust for thrust, pulling him in as deep as possible. Soon, she was tumbling over the edge, moaning his name loudly. Hearing her chant his name was his quick undoing and soon he was following her into the vast unknown.

He stilled above her and she stared up at him, her cheeks tinted red. His hand that was resting against her face brushed back into her hair, moving the wet locks off of her forehead. He smiled down at her. "Shit."

The smile quickly broke out across her own face and she laughed quietly. "So that's what the rumors have been about."

"I'd say I hope I lived up, but I don't think I need to."

He rolled off of her and began pushing the sheets and comforter down so that they could climb beneath them. She easily obliged and soon they were both settled beneath the covers. They laid in a comfortable silence for a long while after he reached over and flipped the light switch beside the bed. There were no need for words for him, he just relished in the silence, absorbing everything that had just happened.

A part of him had wondered if his attraction to Elena would fade once he had her, but he now knew that wasn't the case. He knew he wouldn't feel differently tomorrow or the day after that. Elena Gilbert was unlike any woman he'd ever met, and having sex with her wasn't going to diminish that. If anything, he only wanted her more than ever before.

He was drifting into the hazy state somewhere between reality and dreams when she moved beside him. She leaned on his chest and placed a comforting hand on his face. With heavy lids, he opened his eyes to stare up at her. "Don't break my heart."

The words made his breath hitch in the back of his throat. Her eyes were vulnerable as she traced over the injuries on his face. "I won't," he whispered.

Tonight had proven that there was something deeper going on between him and Elena. He didn't know what yet, or where it would lead, but he knew that he wouldn't break her heart. He would not hurt her.


	10. Over My Head

**Chapter 9**

**Everyone knows I'm in  
>Over my head<strong>

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" Elena glanced up from tearing apart her napkin at the bar to a petite blonde standing next to her. She was standing with a friend and motioning to the seat Elena's purse was in.

"No," she said quietly and retrieved her purse from the seat. "It's all yours."

She could see a flash of recognition in the blonde's eyes as she looked at Elena. "Elena Gilbert?" she questioned with a hint of surprise.

Elena searched the woman's face for any idea of who this person was. The blonde and her friend sat down in the empty seats, but Elena still could not remember who this person was. "Yes?"

"You don't remember me do you?" the stranger laughed. "You probably wouldn't. We only met a couple times at really big parties, ages ago."

Some realization dawned on Elena as she took in the woman's designer ensemble. She met this woman when she was with Damon. He'd taken her to what seemed like an endless number of galas and fundraisers, and all the faces blended together by the end of the night most of the time. She barely remembered most of the people she'd met during that time.

"I'm sorry," she apologized sincerely.

"My name is Beverly Wilson-Taylor." She held her hand out for Elena to shake. "My father is a client of Damon's company."

"I'm sorry I don't remember you," she apologized as she shook the woman's hand. "I'm sure you understand just how many people were usually at those events."

"Of course," she agreed easily. "If it helps, you were always very polite."

Elena nodded in understanding. Beverly was telling her in the most polite way possible she'd been a cold bitch. She knew exactly when she'd met Beverly now. She must have met her just a few months before she'd left for Chicago, back when she'd been cold and miserable to everyone around her. She was surprised Beverly was even speaking to her. She definitely wouldn't want to have a conversation with the her of two and a half years ago.

"Thank you." She turned back to her drink, trying to effectively end the conversation. She wasn't good company then, and she highly doubted she'd be good company today.

"Speaking of Damon," Beverly mumbled as she stared up at the television screen in the bar. Out of sheer curiosity, or maybe just because she was a masochist, Elena looked up at the television. The local newscast for the hour was currently talking about Damon's wedding with a picture of him with Stefan and Caroline. Once Beverly realized what was being talked about, she turned to Elena, eyes wide. "That's awkward. We could ask them to change the channel?"

"No," Elena shook her head. "It's fine."

"I guess it could be worse. You could have to be at the wedding."

"Oh, it's worse," she mumbled, staring down at her drink again.

Any time now, Damon would make his way to the church where he would get married, and then he'd celebrate the night away at The Plaza Hotel. Because God was just full of funny jokes, Damon would be celebrating his wedding the same place Caroline and Stefan got married and had their reception. The irony wasn't lost on her. The same place where she realized so much about how deep she'd gotten with Damon would be where he would share his first dance with his new wife.

They would be sharing stolen moments in dark corners. He would be telling her about how he wanted to get her dress off. Her body would stay pressed to his all night. Stefan would give some great best man speech, all the while thankful that his brother was marrying anyone other than Elena.

Thanks, life.

* * *

><p>The dim light from the morning sun filtered in through the windows, casting a warm glow on Damon's room. It illuminated the contours of his face perfectly as Elena stared down at him, one finger running gently along his jaw as she used the other to steady herself on his chest. He stared up at her, his eyes darkening just a shade more with each rise and fall of her body atop his.<p>

He thrust his hips upward, eliciting a breathless moan from her parted lips as he filled her to her core. His hands gripped her hips as she continued to ride him, her movements growing more frenzied with each thrust of his hips up toward her. She seductively rolled her hips as she lowered herself once more, and he groaned in ecstasy. This morning everything was slow and sensual. There were no words, just the sound of their passion filled moans filtered through the silent room.

Damon sat up, causing her to cry out softly and clench her inner walls around him at the change of sensation. Her breasts pressed tightly against his slick chest as she continued to rock against him. He captured her mouth for the first time this morning and his tongue plunged into her mouth. Her body tensed as she rode higher, inching closer to that sweet release she so desperately craved. He was the first to fall over the edge, moaning into her mouth as he went. She wasn't far behind, and soon her hips twitched and she screamed out, her head falling back as her orgasm ripped through her. He buried himself in her one last time as she rode out the wave of ecstasy.

They remained frozen and silent for a few moments, Damon still inside of her. Their foreheads rested against each other as they struggled to catch their breaths. With a sigh, Damon fell back to the mattress.

Blissful and out of breath, Elena fell next to him on the bed, a wide smile on her face. He chuckled softly beside her. "Now that's a wake-up call I can get behind." He playfully smacked her backside that was barely covered by the thin sheet. "Literally."

She squealed from the sting of his slap. "Foul!" she chastised him, but hit his bare chest.

"Sorry," he apologized, but the wide grin on his face indicated otherwise. He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her upper body on top of his. "I just can't keep my hands to myself."

"That's blatantly obvious."

It was the morning of December 31, which meant that it was officially Caroline's wedding day. She'd stayed at Damon's the night before, knowing that she would not get to see him much today. As maid of honor, all of her attention would be focused on Caroline for the duration of the day. It was her duty to make sure that the bride stayed as calm as possible. This meant that she needed to be as calm as possible, so she'd decided to pamper herself to a little early morning sex with Damon.

Everything had been a blur of activity since the fateful Las Vegas trip just a few weeks ago, but those weeks felt like months. She and Damon had gone from 0 to 60 in an instant, spending nearly every free moment possible with each other, mostly unclothed. The longest time they'd spent apart was three days when she went home to Mystic Falls for the holiday.

Christmas came and went in a blur of presents and budding excitement over the upcoming wedding. Elena and Bonnie had managed to go down to Mystic Falls and spend the holidays with their family. For Elena, this offered her the chance to spend time with her family members that she rarely saw. She enjoyed the short three days of more food than she should have consumed and the chance to make up for eight months of not picking on her brother.

She soon returned to New York City and the wedding countdown had been on. Caroline, who they were all expecting to be hell on two legs, was a perfectly blissed out bride. There wasn't a complaint in the world from her perky blonde friend. If it weren't so entertaining, it would be scary.

"So, today's the day," Damon sighed, his hands rubbing gentle circles on her back.

"Today's the day," she repeated softly.

"Caroline still walking around as if half her brain has been shut off?"

Elena laughed against his chest. "If that's your way of asking if she's still happy and calm, then yes."

"That girl is not happy and calm, she's on something."

"Be nice!" She lifted her head to look up at him. "She is marrying your brother. You should be happy she's not some druggie."

"Sometimes I wish she were. It would explain so much."

She couldn't contain her laugh. "You are incorrigible."

Damon's eyes were sparkling with humor as he looked up at her, and she was struck with just how easy this had all become between the two of them. She'd initially worried whether they'd be able to truly stay friends while having sex, but it had been surprisingly easy. Over the past few weeks they'd become closer. They didn't have any boundaries to worry about anymore. It was just simple and fun.

She hadn't experienced anything like it in so long she'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Things wit her and Matt had been so tense for so long, that she'd been denying herself the basic enjoyment of a romantic relationship. Granted, she and Damon were not in an official relationship, but it was close enough. They got all of the perks without any real commitment. It was a huge blessing. She needed time to have fun and experience life. Damon was the perfect partner for that.

In true fashion, her cell phone began blasting away. It was a daily occurrence for them to be interrupted at least once. Whether it was a conversation or them getting a little hot and heavy, there was always an interruption on the horizon.

Damon rolled his eyes and handed her phone to her. "I wonder who that could be."

She grabbed her phone from him and quickly answered it once seeing that it was Bonnie calling. "Hey, Bonnie."

"We have an emergency. Get over here. Now!" Bonnie rushed, in a near frenzy.

"What's wrong?" Elena quickly rolled off the bed and began gathering her clothes from the floor.

"I think she's finally gone insane."

"Stop talking to me about the wedding!" Elena heard Caroline's desperate shriek from the background.

"What is she doing?" she demanded.

"Trying to kick the wedding planner out."

"Yeah, she's lost her mind," she quickly agreed. "I'll be there in 15 minutes. Get everyone out of the room, even the wedding planner!" She disconnected her phone and dropped it onto Damon's bed while she pulled her underwear on. "I'd love to stay for some food and all, but we have a wedding emergency."

Damon sat up in his bed. "So I could hear. I knew she was hanging on by a thread. What sent her over the edge?"

"I don't even know," Elena sighed as she pulled her thick sweater over her head. She had absolutely no idea what could have sent Caroline over the edge. She hadn't had a single moment of doubt during the entire engagement. She'd been head over heels the whole time. She expected Caroline to be over the top dramatic about wanting things to be perfect, but not wanting to hear anything about the wedding was definitely not normal.

Once Elena was fully dressed, Damon asked, "In your expert maid of honor opinion, should I prepare my brother for the possibility of having a runaway bride?"

"No!" she snapped, probably a little too harshly, but Damon couldn't breathe a word of this to Stefan. "Caroline will marry Stefan today. You just take him brunch and keep him entertained." She rounded the side of the bed to come stand next to her lover. "And for the love of god, do not get him drunk!" She pointed a demanding finger down at him, but leaned forward to place a quick kiss against his lips.

He tried to deepen it and pull her back onto the bed with him, but she quickly maneuvered out of his hold. "Tease!" he shouted as she sprinted for his bedroom door.

"Sober!" she shouted over her shoulder. "Keep your brother sober!"

"I make no promises," he laughed, but quickly ducked out of the way when she grabbed a book from his dresser and tossed it at him.

Elena made a mad dash for the Plaza Hotel. She could only imagine how crazy she looked as she sprinted down the streets of New York City in the dead of winter with sex hair. Then again, this was New York City, they'd seen it all. A taxi could just take too long, and if Caroline's panicked plea was anything to go by, time was of the absolute essence.

She should have just stayed at the suite with Bonnie and Caroline last night, but then she'd had dinner with Damon. Dinner turned into dessert and dessert turned into three rounds. When his mouth was doing magical things down below, she couldn't walk away. She'd known that today would be long and stressful, no matter what mood Caroline was in, and she'd wanted to be as blissed out as possible. Apparently she should have sucked it up and stayed with her friends though. She was officially the worst maid of honor.

Her suspicions were confirmed that she looked insane as she bolted into the prestigious hotel on Fifth Avenue and sprinted through the lobby to the elevators. She quickly punched the button to call the elevator down to the lobby. It seemed like it took forever to step into the elevator and get up to Caroline's room, but she was soon being ushered in by a nervous looking Bonnie.

"How is she?" she whispered.

Bonnie looked over her shoulder at Caroline sitting in front of the window, still dressed in her large robe. "_Not_ Caroline."

"Alright, Caroline, I'm here for you to yell at me for not staying here last night." She dropped her purse and walked over to Caroline, holding her arms out in a gesture of surrender. The blonde continued to stare out the window, her arms wrapped around her tiny waist. "Care?" She gently nudged her friend's shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I don't think Stefan wants to marry me." The whisper was so quiet that Elena wasn't truly sure that she'd heard her correctly, but the widened eyes of Bonnie's, told her that she hadn't misunderstood.

To say Elena was blindsided by this confession from Caroline would be an understatement. There was no doubt in her mind that Stefan wanted to marry Caroline. She had been skeptical about the couple when they first got together, but today, she couldn't imagine her friend with any man but Stefan. They were perfect together.

Elena grabbed Caroline's shoulders and turned her so they were facing. "What are you talking about? You know he wants to marry you."

"He got cold feet when we were in Las Vegas. That's what his fight with Damon was about."

"What?" Bonnie gasped, shocked at the revelation. "Why would you think that?"

"After Stefan went to talk to Damon, I was nervous that they might fight again. I went to make sure everything was still fine, but I heard them talking. He told Damon he was scared that he was wrong about me and that we'd rushed into this."

Elena and Bonnie both glanced nervously at each other. She hadn't prepared a speech for this. There were no pointers about this for maids of honor. How did she convince her best friend that Stefan didn't have cold feet when she'd heard him admit that he did?

She hadn't noticed anything different with Stefan though. He seemed more than ready to marry Caroline. She couldn't think of any clues that he wasn't sure about this anymore. Damon also hadn't seemed overly apprehensive about the wedding. If he thought Stefan was having second thoughts, he'd probably do everything in his power to get the wedding canceled.

"But you two were fine after Stefan and Damon's fight," Bonnie pointed out. "He practically couldn't keep his hands off of you."

"I know," Caroline sighed. "I've tried to convince myself that it was just a moment of doubt. I had a couple too, but what if he still has them? I can't walk down that aisle and risk him deciding that he can't go through with it in front of everyone. This is the Plaza for god's sake!"

There was some of the Caroline they all knew and loved.

"He's not going to back out," Elena insisted, finally finding her voice. "Trust me."

"But what if he does?" She grabbed Elena's arms in a tight grip. "What am I going to do if he leaves me at the altar?"

"He's not going to leave you at the altar!" Caroline didn't look convinced by Elena's assurances, so Elena turned to grab her phone. "You know what? We're going to settle this right now."

Caroline rushed after her. "What are you doing?" she grasped Elena's arm and pulled her from her purse.

"I'm calling Stefan." Elena pulled her arm from Caroline's and grabbed her purse from the couch. "Because you have a wedding that you have to get ready for. The makeup artist and hair stylist will be here in 30 minutes, and then the photographer will be here soon after that. If you refuse to do anything with the wedding, then we're going to bring Stefan up here right now and settle this." It took her a few moments of digging, but she finally retrieved her phone and quickly dialed Damon's number.

"No, don't call him," Caroline begged, her arms flailing for Elena's phone. "He'll think I'm insane and then he really won't want to marry me."

"Honey, if he hasn't already thought you were insane, he doesn't know you."

"A little faith, Gilbert," Damon answered. "I only just got here. Not even I could get my brother drunk this fast."

"Good, you're with Stefan?" she questioned. Caroline's arm shot out toward Elena, but she deftly ducked and rushed around the couch. "How is he?"

"Um," Damon paused, confused at where Elena was going. "Fine. I don't know. It's his wedding day, and I'm not pulling him away from the balcony. How am I supposed to answer this?"

"Elena!" Caroline shouted.

"Bring him up here. Now."

"Isn't that bad luck?"

"I don't care, bring him up."

She could hear Damon tell Stefan to hold on and then move somewhere else in the suite he was in with Stefan. "Is Caroline's freak out about her not wanting to get married?"

"What?" she choked out. Was he serious?

"Be honest here, Elena. I need to know what I'm brining my brother into. Am I walking him into a room where Caroline is going to tell him she doesn't want to get married?"

"No," she bit out. "She thinks he doesn't want to get married. She's not listening to Bonnie or me, and she won't do anything regarding the wedding. So, if Stefan wants to get married tonight, he better get his ass up here and tell her!" In a huff, she pressed end and threw her phone on the couch. She looked up at Caroline who was standing across from her, her hands on her hips, and smiled brightly. "He should be here any minute now."

Sure enough, there was an insistent pounding on the front door minutes later. She looked at Caroline and Bonnie and then went to get the door. Before she even had it all the way open, Stefan pushed past her and rushed toward Caroline. He was still dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt, but wore a worried expression on his face. Damon was right behind him, eyeing the scene nervously.

He stopped next to Elena and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "She better not dump my brother."

"Whatever," Elena scoffed. "She's not dumping anyone. This is his fault anyway."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he demanded softly.

"If you and Stefan hadn't been like little boys and fought in Vegas, Caroline never would have come to make sure you hadn't begun fighting again when he came to talk to you that night."

Damon rolled his eyes and smirked. "I seem to recall you sleeping with this _little boy_ that night."

"Lapse in judgment," she mumbled beneath her breath while turning away from him.

"Really?" he stepped closer to her to where he was practically pressed against her. "What's your excuse for the other 50 times?"

She gently shoved at his chest, but could do little to conceal the small smile on her face. "Stop it, this is serious."

"Are you crazy?" Stefan's stunned voice pulled Elena's attention away from Damon. He grabbed Caroline's face in his hands and held it tightly. "There is no way that you could get me to not marry you tonight. I don't have cold feet, Caroline."

"But in Vegas," she began, but he quickly cut her off.

"But nothing. It was a fleeting moment that meant nothing. I want to marry _you_."

"You're really not having second thoughts?" she questioned sadly. "Cause I don't know what I'll do if you leave me at the altar."

"I'm not leaving that altar until I'm your husband," he whispered, his forehead pressed against hers. "You hear me?"

"Promise?"

He placed a soft kiss against her lips. "Promise."

The tension poured out of Caroline like a waterfall. Everyone watched as she allowed herself to melt into Stefan's firm embrace for a few moments. The crisis was now averted and the wedding would resume as planned. It was a weight off of Elena's shoulders. She was finally doing something useful as maid of honor.

"Oh my god!" Caroline's eyes sprang open and she shoved Stefan away from her. "You have to leave! It's bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day!" Stefan looked dazed and confused, at a total loss as to what had just happened to the tender moment he was having with his fiancée. "Get out!"

"And she's back ladies and gentleman!" Damon theatrically declared. "Nice to see you again Caroline, I was getting worried there for a moment."

"You mess up this wedding and I will kill you Damon Salvatore," Caroline threatened, pointing her finger dangerously in Damon's direction. All traces of fear and nervousness had completely fled her eyes. She was back to being fully confident and ready for the day ahead.

"Yup, definitely you, Blondie." Stefan turned his head away from Caroline so she wouldn't see his soft chuckling, and shoved his brother toward the door. "Feel free to come help me pass the time, Elena. You know how to find me." He winked at her as he allowed Stefan to push him through the open door.

The second the door was shut Caroline began shouting out orders. "Bonnie, call the wedding planner and get her back in here now!" She turned on her heel to face Elena. "You!" She grimaced and waved her hand in Elena's general vicinity. "You need to shower! You smell like sex! And Damon! Ew!"

Elena covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to discretely laugh. "One shower coming right up, bride."

She made quick work of locking herself in the bathroom and soon she was standing beneath the steady flow of hot water, trying to wash the "sex" off of her. She didn't know that it was possible to smell like sex, but she learned something new every day with Caroline, even after over 15 years of friendship. Maybe Caroline was pregnant and smelling things. She'd heard that some scents were stronger and more potent to pregnant women.

The thought made Elena shudder. The idea of Caroline, or even Bonnie or her being pregnant was something that did not need to happen in the near future. None of them were ready for babies. Caroline may be ready to take the big plunge into marriage, but Elena was more than content with staying firmly planted in the camp of "unmarried" for the foreseeable future.

Damon had helped her realize just how unprepared she really was for things like marriage and all the things that came with it. He gave her the sense of comfort and acceptance that allowed her to let her hair down and have fun. It was something she'd forgotten how to do well after her parents died. He'd woken up something inside of her, and she loved it. She loved how he made her feel.

"Elena!" A pounding on the door accompanied with the shout of her name by a screeching Caroline had Elena jumping in the shower. "Hurry up! We have to start with the hair and makeup soon!"

"I'm coming!" she called out. Her shower would have to be cut short today.

Everything seemed to go by in a blur for the rest of the day. There was makeup and hair, then they had to get dressed, and then the photographer had to photograph Elena and Bonnie getting Caroline in her dress. Her mom and dad showed up right after Caroline was dressed and many tears were shed as Ms. Forbes presented Caroline with a necklace that had been passed down through their family for generations.

Then they were all filing into an elevator and getting all the photos taken before the ceremony. It was like a top-secret mission as everyone worked to make sure Stefan wouldn't catch a glimpse of his bride in her wedding gown. Flashes seemed to be coming from every which direction, and Elena felt like her face was going to fall off if she had to smile one more time, but Caroline was beaming and that was enough to keep her going. What had started out as a rocky day had now turned into something out of a fairy tale. Caroline was glowing in her gown nothing short of a natural disaster could ruin her day as long as she became Stefan's wife.

It seemed like in the blink of an eye it was 8:30 and they were standing in a small room, hidden away from all the guests and Stefan. Elena and Bonnie grabbed the small gifts that the wedding planner's assistant handed them and turned to face a jittery Caroline. "So, you have your something old, and your shoes are your something new, but we have to make sure you have everything else."

Bonnie smiled brightly and held out a small bag toward Caroline. "Something blue."

The blonde quickly dug into the bag and squealed as she retrieved a light blue garter. "You guys!" The woman that could embarrass anyone at the drop of a dime was now blushing as she stared down at the blue silk. "I can't let Stefan take this off of me in front of everyone."

"What happened to following traditions?" Bonnie taunted. "Come on, put it on. We'll help." Elena helped to steady Caroline as Bonnie bent down so she could slip her milky white leg into the garter. "Stefan better thank me for this," she mumbled, somewhere beneath Caroline's dress. She soon jumped back up to her feet and ran her hands over her bridesmaid dress to smooth it down. "Elena, your turn."

Caroline turned and looked at her expectantly as Elena held out a small black box for her friend. She opened it and gasped as she saw the diamond bracelet inside. "Is this yours?"

Elena shook her head. "Nope." She gently pulled the bracelet from the box and unclasped it. "This belonged to Stefan's mother. She left it to Damon when she passed." When she'd told Damon earlier in the week about how she'd had trouble deciding on what she had that Caroline could borrow for the wedding, he'd surprised her with the bracelet the next day and said that Caroline could wear it for her wedding. "He said that she would have wanted you to wear it on your wedding day."

Tears glistened in Caroline's eyes as Elena clasped the bracelet over her small wrist. "He really did that?"

"He did," she confirmed with a wavering smile of her own.

"It's gorgeous," she whispered. "Thank you."

"Thank him."

"So," Caroline began softly, her eyes lingering on the bracelet. "You and Damon seem like you're doing well."

Elena blushed at the mention of her and Damon. "We're having fun."

"Just fun?" she asked skeptically, now raising her eyes to meet Elena's.

"What do you mean?" Elena asked nervously.

"I mean I know you, and I know that you say this is all fun and no strings, but you're not a no strings kind of girl, Elena." Out of the corner of her eye she could see Bonnie biting her lip and looking toward the floor. She'd all but stopped giving her opinion about anything regarding Damon.

"You think I'm making a mistake."

Caroline's mouth opened and closed almost comically for several long moments as she fought a battle on what to say. Finally, she sighed and said, "I think you need to be careful."

"Ladies," the wedding planner opened the door and stepped into the small room. "It's time."

"Oh my god, this is it!" Caroline exclaimed, previous conversation completely forgotten. She bounced up and down on her feet. "I'm getting married."

Bonnie reached out and grabbed the girls hands in her own. "This is it," she whispered.

"I'm so happy that you two are my best friends." Caroline squeezed their hands. "I cannot imagine my life without Stefan, but I wouldn't have a life if I didn't have you two." The girls huddled into a tight embrace mixed with tears and laughter and choked "I love you's". Elena knew without a doubt that she wouldn't have a life without them either. They were her rock.

"Ladies, I really am sorry to break this up, but we have got to go." The girls quickly pulled apart and worked to wipe the tears from their faces without messing up their makeup, and soon they were being ushered from the room.

They walked hand in hand through the hallway until they came to a stop in front of the grand mirrored doors. Caroline's father was waiting for them, a proud smile on his face. The girls parted and allowed Caroline to stand next to her dad as the wedding planner fixed her veil. They all retrieved their bouquets from an assistant and were lined up.

The doors opened in a sudden sweeping movement and Elena could hear the music swell. Bonnie gave one last smile over her shoulder and then she was off. Next, Elena was standing next to the wedding planner who had a firm hand on her shoulder. When Bonnie was halfway down the aisle she felt a tap on her shoulder and she knew it was her cue to go. She held the bouquet tightly in front of her stomach and began her slow walk down the grand aisle.

The one-shouldered black gown that Caroline had chosen flowed elegantly around her with each step she took. First, she saw Stefan, his hands clasped anxiously behind his back, a small smile on his face. Then, her eyes landed on Damon, standing just next to Stefan, his eyes glued to her as she glided toward the altar. She smiled softly at him, her heart doing somersaults in her chest at the sight of him in his black suit. She reached the altar and as she turned to face the crowd she silently mouthed "Hi," to him, which he happily mouthed back, accompanied with a wink.

All attention was suddenly drawn toward the back of the ballroom as the music swelled and Caroline appeared on her father's arm. Everyone stood to watch her walk down the aisle. She had a beaming smile on her face and her eyes didn't seem to notice a soul around her, all she was focused on was Stefan. From the glance she caught out of the corner of her eye, his smile was just as big as he watched her walking toward him. They could barely contain their excitement as the minister had her father give Caroline away.

Caroline giggled softly when Stefan reached out to clasp her hand in his and walk them to their spots on the altar. As they passed Elena, she reached out and retrieved Caroline's bouquet from her extended hand. Her eyes met Damon's across the small distance and she had to swallow thickly at the burning desire she saw in his blue orbs.

"Friends and family, we are gathered here this evening to witness and celebrate the union of Stefan Giuseppe Salvatore and Caroline Melissa Forbes in marriage."

As the minister's words filtered somewhere through the back of her mind, she couldn't tear her eyes away from Damon. Something swirled deep within in her, something she hadn't felt in a long time. She couldn't believe that just six short months ago she had no idea of who Damon Salvatore was. Her life wasn't filled with the sarcasm that only he could pull off and still remain charming. She hadn't known that little spin that her stomach would go on when he walked into a room. There had been no fleeting thought of the sheer excitement and joy he would bring to her life on a daily basis.

In that short span, he'd turned her life upside down in the best way possible. He had shown her how to let go of so many fears. He'd shown her that she could still have a life beyond Matt. He had taken her on an unexpected journey through her soul to find a girl she thought was gone forever. Six months ago, when she looked at him across that crowded bar, she never realized what this man would become to her.

Everything might have been born out of lust between them, but it had grown into so much more. They had grown into more. He was not some guy that she had sex with to pass the time. Somewhere along the way, Damon Salvatore became a man that she cared deeply cared about.

Caroline sniffled in front of her and Elena allowed her attention to be pulled from Damon and focused on the vows now being exchanged between Caroline and Stefan.

Stefan held Caroline's hands tightly in his own as his eyes shone with love and happiness. "When you introduced yourself to me after that first class last year, I never realized what you would become to me. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You make me smile and laugh, something that is not always an easy task. You've brought me more warmth and love than I ever thought was possible, and I will spend the rest of my life doing the same for you." He ended his vows with a gentle brushing of his hand over her damp cheeks.

"Stefan," Caroline began with a shaky voice. "When I saw you in the back of that lecture hall a year and a half ago, I knew that there was something about you. I came on far too strong in all of my Caroline tendencies, but you saw beyond the dramatics and shallowness. You found something inside of me that nobody had ever tried to find before. You've taught me that it's okay to spend a Sunday on the couch. You've brought everything to my life that I never thought I needed, and I wouldn't change that embarrassing introduction in the back of the classroom for anything."

It was now Elena's turns to dry her own cheeks as the minister asked for the rings. All attention was now on Damon. He ran his hands over his jacket and pockets, a worried expression on his face. Just when Stefan seemed to be ready to panic, Damon laughed and pulled the rings from a pocket of his suit jacket. "Just kidding." With a smile, he handed the rings to the minister, who then held them out for Stefan and Caroline to grab.

More tears were shed as Caroline and Stefan exchanged their rings. She didn't think that the couple could withstand the temptation any longer as their bodies continued to drift closer together throughout the ceremony. They were now nearly pressed together as the minister finally announced that Stefan could kiss the bride. In one fell swoop, he pulled Caroline to him and lowered his mouth to hers. Normally shy with being the center of attention, Stefan didn't hold back as he kissed Caroline happily, his mouth hungrily devouring hers. When Damon cleared his throat discretely behind his brother, Stefan regretfully pulled back from a blushing Caroline.

"Ladies and gentleman, I introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Salvatore," the minister proudly announced as the crowd cheered.

The music swelled again as Caroline retrieved her bouquet from Elena and the newly married couple walked happily down the aisle. Damon stepped over to her, a happy smile on his face and held his arm out for her. She easily slid her arm through his and allowed him to guide her down the aisle. He leaned his head in to whisper softly in her ear, "You look gorgeous in your dress. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

Her cheeks flushed at his comment. "You don't look so bad yourself Mr. Salvatore."

"Although, as much as I love you in that dress, I can't wait to see it on my floor."

Elena playfully smacked Damon on his chest once they were out of the grand ballroom. "You're getting a little cocky there, don't you think?"

Damon pulled her flush against him, a dangerous smirk on his face. "I'll show you cocky."

Elena laughed loudly as Damon's face nuzzled her neck. She held his body tightly against hers, reveling in the sensation. "You're just too much."

"Break it up, you two," Caroline interrupted them, but she was pressed tightly against Stefan's side. "We're the only ones allowed to have disgusting levels of PDA tonight."

"So really it's no different than every other night of the week," Damon teased his now sister-in-law.

"You're lucky I just got married, otherwise I might have to beat you up."

The wedding planner ushered the bridal party to another room to wait for all guests to leave the ballroom where the ceremony was so that the rest of the photos could be taken of the bridal party. Caroline and Stefan ducked into a dark corner and were now whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. With the bride distracted, Damon took the chance to pull Elena away from everyone else.

"What time can we leave?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "After Caroline and Stefan leave."

"But I wanna leave now," he whined, burying his head in her neck. "There are going to be so many people here. We'll have to talk to my dad. I'm gonna have to give the best man toast. Think of it as a wedding present to Caroline to get me out of here before I give some embarrassing speech."

Elena pulled his face away from her neck, a stern look on her face. "You say anything other than the perfect speech and I will not have sex with you for two weeks."

Damon grabbed the finger she was pointing at his face. "You can't withhold sex, we're not in a relationship. Only girlfriends and wives receive that privilege."

"Well then I'd end the arrangement," she threatened.

"I call bull." He pressed his hips into her and sensually rotated them. "Now that you've had my body, you can't walk away. I'm irresistible."

"Alright, everyone, it's time for more pictures," the wedding planner shouted out. "Back to the ballroom."

"Yay," Damon groaned, but stepped away from her to go walk next to his brother. "Picture time!"

Elena walked a few feet behind Damon and Stefan, deep in thought. He was right. When he said that she couldn't end the arrangement between them, he was 100% right. Damon wasn't a random guy or a rebound. He was Damon effing Salvatore and she was so far out of her league.


	11. Glitter In The Air

Author's Note: A chapter without making you wait two weeks? I must be starting to get back into my routine. Here is another chapter from Damon's POV, which I've found a lot of you like. So, I hope this one does not disappoint. It's not as long as my previous chapters have been, but it's still barely under 6,000 words. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews about the wedding chapter. I'm so glad that you all seem to be enjoying Caroline and Stefan in this story, because they are going to continue to play a big part in how everything unfolds. So, here's another chapter for you, moving the story along. Read and review! Most of all, enjoy!

**Chapter 10**

**Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself  
>Will it ever get better than tonight?<br>Tonight **

"I swear to God, you two act like little children sometimes," Caroline grumbled as she set her bag down on the couch. "What has gotten into the two of you?"

"Caroline," Stefan finally began, taking quick steps to his wife's side. "What are you doing here? You should be at home."

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "I called you five times and you didn't answer. I got worried." Caroline looked to her husband and then brother-in-law. "And it would appear that it was for good reason. So, I'm going to ask for the last time, what is wrong with the two of you?"

"Elena came by earlier, asked Damon not to get married," Stefan said quietly.

"Stefan!" Damon shouted. His brother had officially lost his mind from being sleep deprived. Caroline was overly dramatic on a good day. With news like this, she was going to be a category five hurricane. She was the last person that needed to know that Elena had tried to keep this wedding from happening.

"You raise your voice one more time and I will throw you out that window, Damon Salvatore!" she hissed through clenched teeth, her finger pointed angrily in his direction.

He rolled his eyes, but lowered his voice nonetheless. "At this point, I might go willingly."

His wedding day was not supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be calm and happy. Elena was not supposed to show up and beg him not to do it. Stefan was not supposed to be digging at him. Caroline wasn't supposed to be involved in anything. All he'd wanted was a simple day, and with one timid knock on his hotel room door, it was shot to hell.

Caroline carefully adjusted the small bundle in her arms and handed it off to Stefan before walking over to Damon, hands on her hips. "Tell me everything that happened, right now."

"She showed up at the door, told me not to get married, Stefan showed up, and she left. There you go. Think I can sell the movie rights?"

"That's it?" she demanded softly. "She just left? Where did she go?"

"I don't know. I didn't exactly ask her about her plans. My mind was a little too shocked by the fact that she tried to ruin my wedding day."

"Don't you say that," she snapped at him. "You know she wasn't trying to ruin anything. She loves you and she thinks this is wrong. I seem to remember us all voicing various concerns through this entire process."

"She left," he bit out. "She can't be surprised that I didn't wait around for two years, Caroline." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, I'm sorry that she hasn't moved on, but I have. I have someone else, and I'm marrying her. Elena understood that, and she left. You need to understand it as well."

"I don't know if your choices can be considered moving on," she voiced quietly.

"Well, it is. Deal with it."

"What I need to understand is what is going on with my best friend." Caroline rushed over to her bag and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed what he was assuming Elena's number and pressed her phone to her ears. Only a moment later she pulled it away and looked down dejectedly. "It's off. This is bad. Really bad."

"I'm sure she's fine," he tried to assure Caroline, but he knew he wouldn't do much use. He couldn't think about Elena right now and what she might be feeling. He understood that he'd probably hurt her, but he had other things to think about.

"She'll call you soon," Stefan insisted.

"I was just as upset with Elena as you two were when she left. She was my best friend. She _is_ my best friend. And I get that you two are done, I do, but she is out there doing god knows what right now."

"So what are we supposed to do about that?" Damon inquired, his voice carrying a bit of an edge. "I'm getting married in a couple hours. I can't just roam the city looking for her. And isn't it a little too cold for you to be running around in the city?"

"You could be a little more sympathetic."

"Elena isn't my problem, Caroline! I mean, what did she really think was going to happen? Did she expect that I would just waltz off into the sunset with her? Elena needs to learn how to handle the consequences of her actions."

"You've been punishing her with those consequences for a year, Damon." Caroline looked to her husband, seeking some sort of support for what she was saying.

After a moment, Stefan sighed and glanced down. "I don't know if I can support this. I've tried to, but you know how I feel. I don't think I can stay quiet anymore."

"What are you saying, Stefan?"

"I'm saying that I'm having serious doubts about this. Elena showing up has changed things. You can't deny that. So, how am I supposed to stand up at your reception and give some speech about how happy I am about this whole thing, when I have had doubts since the beginning?"

"You're poetic, figure it out," he snapped.

Stefan walked to stand in front of Damon, a pained look in his eyes. "If you had had a single doubt about me marrying Caroline, you never would have let that wedding happen. Isn't it my job to do the same for you?"

* * *

><p>"Mind if I cut in?" Damon interrupted the intimate dance his brother and Caroline were sharing. Stefan pulled away from Caroline and eyed him apprehensively for a moment before holding Caroline's arm out for Damon.<p>

"Play nice."

Damon swiftly took Stefan's spot, leaving a comfortable distance between him and Caroline. "Don't try anything," she warned with a teasing smile. "We're siblings now."

"Cause that's what would make it disgusting."

She playfully slapped him on his shoulder. "Your brother told you to be nice." They moved easily to the music, comfortable, despite all of their past disagreements. Caroline was a pain most of the time, but he couldn't deny that she was a nice girl that loved his brother. "Thank you for the bracelet," she said quietly. "It meant a lot."

He shrugged. "It didn't go with my outfit."

"I'm serious, Damon. I know how much your mom means to you." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "The fact that you gave this to Elena for me to wear on my wedding day, I know that's your way of saying you trust that I won't hurt Stefan, and you believe in us."

For the hard time that Damon gave Caroline most of the time, she was right; he believed that Caroline and Stefan were supposed to be together. On the surface, they weren't supposed to work. Caroline was overly enthusiastic and appeared to be horribly shallow. His brother, on the other hand, spent his days reading literature and writing papers. It had been like pulling teeth to get Stefan out of his shell until Caroline came along. They balanced each other and smoothed the rough edges. In some weird way, they fit.

He might never believe in the idea of marriage again for him or having anything serious, but he couldn't deny that it was what was right for his brother. Stefan needed the wife and the family. He needed a life out of those stupid romance novels that were centuries old. Caroline gave him that, and he knew that his mother would have wanted her to wear that bracelet today.

"It's what my mom would have wanted." Caroline quickly leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek. He recoiled in mock indignation. "Hey, you're a married woman now. You gotta keep your hands to yourself."

"Cause you're exactly who I want to go home with tonight." She rolled her eyes, but seemed amused nonetheless.

"I know your maid of honor does."

"Yeah, her brother pushed her down the stairs when they were little. We think it's left some permanent damage."

"Haha," he deadpanned. "Elena is obviously the smartest one in your little knock off three stooges bunch."

"Ugh, we are so the Powerpuff Girls," she scoffed. Her face quickly grew serious. "Can we be serious for a moment?"

"Didn't we just do that?" he nearly whined. He had a daily quota of 60 seconds that his body could physically handle genuine emotions. He'd reached that quota with the talk of the bracelet. If it continued any longer there was a very real possibility he would combust into millions of pieces.

"You're sleeping with my best friend, and I haven't said a word until now. Give me a few minutes, at least." Her eyes implored him to hear her out, even if only for a moment. "Please, Damon."

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "What do you want to say?"

"Elena's been my best friend since I was still having my pretend wedding with my stuffed animals as the guests," she smiled wistfully at the memory. "I know Elena probably better than she knows herself sometimes. That means I know that she's not this girl. She's not the girl that has sex with no commitments. She isn't the girl that doesn't think of marriage and happy endings. She's the girl you take home to your parents, not the one you call in the middle of the night cause you're horny."

Damon rolled his eyes, but he knew Caroline was right. Elena was the kind of girl a guy spent the rest of his life with. Once upon a time, he was that guy. He wanted to have the successful job, while having a family at home. He wanted it all. Time passed and everything fell apart with Katherine, and those dreams left with her. He wasn't supposed to be married, and he most certainly wasn't meant to be a father. That's why he knew this arrangement with Elena would only be temporary.

He couldn't deny that he and Elena were having a great time together. She was like a breath of fresh air after Katherine, but they wouldn't last. She was far too kind for the world he lived in. They'd have their fun for a few months and then she'd tire of the non-commitment. Things would end on good terms and she'd go off and find the good guy to marry and he'd find more women to share his bed. Simple, easy, and clean.

And he told Caroline just this. "I know Elena isn't that type of girl in the long run. This is just an arrangement that will last a few months, and then she'll be free for you to fix her up with whatever amazing guy you can find for her."

"You really think it's going to be that simple?" she questioned skeptically.

"I think we're both adults and we knew what we were getting into. And if it stops working for Elena, she's free to end this whenever she wants. I'm not exactly locking her in my bedroom every night."

Caroline glanced over to the other side of the room, a conflicted look passing across her face. He followed her eye line to find Elena standing with Bonnie. They were engaged in a conversation as Bonnie spoke animatedly about something, but Elena had a curious eye on them.

"She cares about you, Damon." Caroline spoke softly after tearing her gaze away from the topic at hand. "She cares a lot more than she probably should. Just be careful."

"'I'll be careful." The song quietly faded out and Damon and Caroline came to a stop on the dance floor. He held out his arm for her and then guided her through the crowd. Once they reached the edge of the dance floor, he stopped and looked at her.

"Thank you for the dance, Damon." She smiled sweetly.

"Just take good care of my brother, okay?"

"The best," she promised without a moment's pause.

"Good." He smiled and released her arm as Elena came striding up to them. "Congratulations, _sis_." Caroline's smile nearly exploded across her face before she turned and was immediately pulled into a congratulatory hug by a guest.

"That looked interesting." Elena slid up next to Damon, casually wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Just welcoming her to the family."

"Really?" She raised a skeptic eyebrow. "Cause I think you were talking about me. Am I right?"

"No, you're wrong," he quickly denied her accurate assumption. "She was just thanking me for the bracelet."

The mention of the bracelet quickly had Elena abandoning her belief that she had been the topic of their conversation. Her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly. "You should have seen her face when I told her that it was your mom's. She'd never admit it, but she wants you to like her."

He burst into laughter. "Yeah, right. She could care less what I think about her."

"That's not true," Elena quickly denied. "You're Stefan's brother and he would do anything for you. She wants you to like her, because she knows how close you and Stefan are."

"Elena," he said seriously, "If I didn't like Caroline, this wedding would have never happened."

It sounded harsh, but it was true. She may drive him out of his mind some days, but she wasn't the worst person Stefan could have fallen in love with. She'd never hit on him, for one. Most of Stefan's other girlfriends had tried to hit on him at some point or another, land the brother with even more money. Caroline also wasn't afraid to go toe to toe with him. She may want him to like her, but she didn't back down. She stood her ground, even if she was running the risk of making Stefan mad.

He may not ever want to date Caroline in a million years, but he could acknowledge the good parts in her. And if he'd ever genuinely had a problem with Caroline he knew it would have caused a problem in her relationship with Stefan long before they could have gotten to the engagement, just like he'd never be able to be with someone for long that his brother legitimately didn't like. You don't marry someone your sibling can't stand. You just don't.

A shadow of something passed over Elena's face before she asked, "Would you marry someone Stefan didn't like?"

"Stefan likes everyone. That would never be a problem, especially since I'm never getting married again."

He felt Elena tense in his arms and Caroline's words sounded in his head. Maybe she had stumbled on something with Elena's feelings that he hadn't picked up on. Granted, he wasn't searching for anything to do with Elena's feelings, but he hadn't known there had been something to search for. He understood that she cared about him; he cared about her too. She was a good person, and he didn't want to hurt her. Was something changing though?

"So, Stefan liked Katherine?" she questioned quietly.

Damon blew out an uncomfortable laugh. "I don't think Katherine is a conversation either of us wants to have." He pulled her arm above her head and spun her around dramatically. "We have one hour until midnight and your best friend just got married. We are going to have fun, then we are going to have a hot make out session at the strike of midnight, and then I'm taking you back to my place and getting you naked."

She laughed freely as he pulled her back against him, the spark back in her eyes. Maybe Caroline had touched on something that he needed to confront, but tonight was not the night for it. There would be no talk of feelings, ex-wives, or marriage. All he wanted tonight was just them and the fun they had. That was all he needed.

"I don't know," Elena giggled, sliding her arms over his shoulders. "I've had my fair share of drinks tonight. I might just be unconscious by the time we get back to your place."

"That's never stopped me before."

"Ew!" she exclaimed. She shoved him away from her with a laugh. "That's disgusting."

The sound of a knife tapping against a champagne glass silenced the party. Damon looked to see his father standing by his table, poised and ready to speak. Once he was certain he had the attention of everyone in the room, he began, "My apologies for interrupting the festivities. I just wanted to take a few moments to say congratulations to my son and his new wife, Caroline. Son, your career goals may be questionable, but you chose a good wife. Welcome to the family, Caroline."

While the room erupted in applause, Damon merely rolled his eyes. He had no need to kiss his father's ass for a speech that was more meant to remind Stefan of his poor career choice rather than truly welcome Caroline to the family. In the surprises of all surprises, Giuseppe Salvatore actually liked Caroline. His father probably liked his new daughter-in-law more than both of his sons. That didn't mean he'd give some grand speech about how happy he was for his son though.

Stefan had just finished grad school and was probably going to end up being the hot college professor as his career. A respectable choice for most, but a real world nightmare for Giuseppe. Though Damon had been the one bred to take over when his father stepped down, Stefan was supposed to work in the family business as well. He was supposed to be a lawyer or an accountant, not a professor of literature that read novels in his spare time. That was not how Salvatore men were raised.

"He can't even give my brother one night," he grumbled in a low voice. "Here, give me." He grabbed Elena's champagne glass from her and snatched a knife off of a nearby table. Before Elena could ask him what he was doing, he'd tapped the knife on the side of the glass to get everyone's attention. "Seeing as it's time for the speeches, I guess I should give mine."

"Oh god." He heard someone mumble behind him. Stefan and Caroline's faces were clearly visible just 20 feet away and he knew the same thoughts were going through their heads right now.

"Calm down, I promise this is not an encore of my speech from their engagement party." The crowd laughed politely at the joke, but he could still feel the apprehension in the room. "They say how you ring in the New Year is how you will spend the rest of your year. And if the superstition is true, I suspect that my brother and Caroline will spend the next 12 months attached at the hip and mouth. Basically, they'll be the same as they always are." This line received a much heartier laugh from the crowd, and as he saw the smiles on Caroline and Stefan's faces he knew he was doing well. "When I first met Caroline, I had no idea how I would be able to handle her without mainlining an IV of caffeine, but the more I got to know her, the more I realized how great she was for my brother. It should come as no surprise that my brother, who will devote his career to great works of literature, learned far before me that you never judge a book by its cover. You're a great girl, Caroline, who makes my brother incredibly happy. My mother would have adored you and welcomed you with open arms into this family. Welcome to the world of the Salvatore men." He raised his glass in the newlyweds' direction. "Oh, and before I forget, producing baby Salvatores is totally on you two."

Even though he'd prefer something stronger and it was Elena's glass he was holding, Damon immediately downed the contents in the glass. Speeches like that were not his thing. He could charm his way through a high-pressure boardroom meeting. He could stand up in front of a room full of people and lay on more sarcasm than they'd heard in a month. What he did not do were speeches about stupid cliché things, and he'd pulled out all the clichés he could think of during the past minute. He did it for Stefan though. He'd owed his brother that much after the engagement party and his father's not so subtle dig about still being unhappy with Stefan's career choice. If he couldn't voice these words on a day-to-day basis, he could pull them out for one minute, one time in his entire life.

His brother strode toward him as the room erupted in applause and cheers. This speech went over far better than his speech at the engagement party. Stefan's reaction was proof of this. He wrapped Damon in a tight hug. A good bit of the awkwardness he felt over what he'd said in his speech dissipated as Stefan hugged him. "I know you hated every moment of that, but thank you."

He wrapped his arms around Stefan in return. "Just don't ever get married again.

Stefan laughed and released Damon from the hug. "Don't worry, this is the only time I'm getting married."

"Good, cause I'm never doing a repeat of that again, not even to make up for dad's horrible speech."

"It wasn't that bad." Despite their father's cold behavior their entire lives, Stefan still admired their father. He'd usually always side with Damon, but he'd still always try to see something positive in Giuseppe's behavior or words.

"It sucked. The man doesn't have a loving or funny bone in his body, which are needed for a decent speech."

"So you're admitting you have something akin to love in that black heart of yours?" Stefan teased.

"I have the humor, that's enough," he laughed.

"If you say so." Stefan looked over his shoulder at Caroline and then back at Damon. "I haven't said it yet, but thank you for lending Caroline the bracelet for today. I didn't even think to lend her something of mom's. It meant a lot to her, but it meant a lot to me too. Thank you."

Damon shrugged uncomfortably at Stefan's words. This was the third time today someone was thanking him for the bracelet. If he'd known it would have been this big of a deal, he probably would have let it stay put in the box in his night stand. He didn't do nice things like this, and the attention he received from those acts was one of the reasons why. It made him feel awkward and like he had to continue to follow it all up with nice behavior on a continual basis, which was just not who he was. He didn't spend his day doing nice things. He did what he wanted, went after what he wanted, everyone else be damned. So, if people would expect anything like the bracelet again, they'd be sorely mistaken.

"Elena needed something for Caroline to have that was borrowed, so I gave her that. Let's not dwell on it."

"Okay, I won't mention it again." Stefan smiled and clapped Damon on the shoulder. "I better get back to Caroline. She keeps forcing me to dance."

"Yeah, you enjoy that." Damon watched Stefan walk away. Elena came up to his side, smiling up at him like a giddy little girl. "Don't even say it," he warned.

"Say what?" she questioned innocently.

"Whatever it is going through your head, don't say it." He turned to look down at her, the smile still ever present on her face. Her eyes twinkled in delight. She opened her mouth to speak, but he captured her lips in a heated kiss. He slid his hands up to cup her face gently, keeping her firmly in place. She was shocked at first, but easily responded, opening her mouth beneath his to grant him entrance. The kiss was far shorter than he would like, only lasting long enough to get a small taste of the champagne on her tongue. He broke away, placing a small kiss on her parted lips as she struggled to open her eyes. "What were you going to say?"

She choked on her voice for a few moments, blinking rapidly as she tried to regain her bearings. "Nothing," she finally forced out. "I was about to say nothing."

"Good answer."

"Good distraction." She smiled and pressed her forehead against his chest, allowing him to support most of her weight. "I hope you know I can't give a speech now. I can't follow that."

"I am a tough act to follow. The people love me. It also doesn't hurt that I'm easy on the eyes."

"Asshole," she mumbled against his chest.

"Oh, come on, you'll be fine. Get up and say all that girly stuff that will make Caroline ruin her makeup. People will love it. Talk about fake weddings and how you'll kick Stefan's ass if he hurts her. Just be a girl."

"Sexist."

"Why, yes, I am sexy," he replied, pretending to have not understood what she'd said. He snatched the knife and empty champagne glass off the table and quickly tapped the glass. "Oh, look at that." He gripped her arms and turned her toward most of the guests. "It's time for your speech."

She looked at him, looking like a deer caught in headlights. "What?"

"You've got it." He nudged her a little further in front of him. She glared at him for several long moments before turning around.

"Well, hello," she laughed awkwardly. "Apparently it's my turn." She shuffled nervously on her feet for a moment before lifting her head and looking at everyone. "I've known Caroline for most of my life, which means, when she came to me after she met Stefan, I was naturally scared for him. If you know Caroline, you know she can come on a little strong. And Stefan, even though I didn't know you, I was scared for you." Damon laughed along with everyone else in the room. She might be nervous, but she was doing great. "But then I heard you kissed her and I didn't have to worry about a restraining order anymore. And after that, I don't know if you knew it, but there was no choice about you two getting married. Caroline was going to drag you down that aisle whether you liked it or not. Lucky for us, you fell head over heels in love with her. You saw the real Caroline that is nothing short of amazing, even if you do have to pick up a coffee habit to even attempt to keep up with her. So, you better count yourself lucky, Stefan, because if there is anyone you want on your side when things are hard, it's that girl standing right next to you."

Elena rushed over to Caroline and threw her arms around the small blonde. They embraced for several moments, and he suspected there were a few tears being shed. After a while, they pulled apart and Elena walked back over to him. She roughly shoved him in the chest when she reached him. "I am so gonna make you beg for it tonight."

He knew she meant it as a threat, but Damon was suddenly even more excited to get back to his place. The prospect for his night just got a lot more interesting. He took a step toward her. "Payback will be fun. Remember that."

"We'll see," she mused.

"God," he groaned and pulled her to him. "Can we just leave now?"

"No we cannot, especially since you forced me into that speech. I was mortified!"

"You were amazing. And you made Caroline cry. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"She cries at that horrible ASPCA commercial, it doesn't count."

"Well, if I can't go have real sex with you, we can at least simulate it on the dance floor." He grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the thick crowd of people dancing merrily to the loud music. He found a spot easily enough and pulled her toward him, draping her arm over his shoulder. He grabbed her hips in his hands as she began to sway them seductively to the beat. "I can have fun with this."

"You can have fun with a funeral. You're demented like that."

"Yeah, but I can't take a funeral home with me at night and have my way with it."

"No, but you'd certainly pick someone up," she pointed out with a knowing smile.

"Grieving women need sex too. I don't discriminate." She rolled her eyes at this, but didn't seem greatly amused by it. "Hey, it doesn't matter though. You're my girl now."

In a sense, she was his girl now. He wasn't sleeping with any other women, nor was he trying to. He barely even entertained the flirting he received. Elena was giving him all that he was looking for at the moment. He might not call her his girlfriend or promise to not sleep with anyone else while they were doing this thing they were doing, but she was his girl. She was safe and fun, and everything that Katherine wasn't. She brought something new to the table and he needed that.

"I'm your girl until the next one comes along."

"Well, I'm keeping you for as long as you'll have me." He grabbed her hand and spun her out before pulling her back in. She twirled into his chest, out of breath from surprise.

She smiled sweetly up at him. "I like that plan." The song changed into a slower song, one meant for holding your lover tight and whispering sweet nothings into their ear. He pulled her hips to his and twined their fingers together, as their movements slowed. She leaned on him a little more, the smile not so sweet anymore, just a smile of contentment. He understood that smile right now. He wouldn't want to be anywhere but here in this moment.

With Elena's head resting comfortably on his shoulder, their hands clasped tightly on his chest, while her other free hand traced abstract objects on the back of his neck. His free hand had found its way down to the small curve of her backside, his fingers skimming lower every few moments. They swayed easily to the music, everyone else falling away.

This was what happened with them. They could be in a room with hundreds of people and all he'd notice was her. Once he had her in his arms and in his senses, she was all he saw. Nobody had done that for him since Katherine.

The song came to an abrupt halt as it became apparent that the strike of midnight was less than a minute away. Everyone was on their feet, most with drinks in hand, cheering excitedly. And then, the countdown began.

"10, 9, 8," everyone chanted, getting more excited the lower the numbers got. Elena looked up at him a wide smile on her face. "7, 6, 5," they continued." Elena grabbed a noisemaker that staff was carrying around, nearly bursting with excitement. The crowd was absolutely out of control now, everyone hugging and getting their glasses ready. "4, 3, 2, 1!"

The crowd went wild with shouts and bottles of champagne popping all over the room. Elena had her head thrown back as she happily screamed out. "Happy New Year!" She placed that horribly offensive noisemaker in her mouth and blew to her little heart's content. "Happy New Year!" she shouted again, and he could only laugh at her excitement.

The DJ turned on Auld Lang Syne and the crowd died down a little as the couples began wrapping their arms around each others, kissing without abandon. He cupped Elena's face in his hands and lowered his lips to hers. She was still smiling as he captured her lips. It was slower than the other kisses they'd been sharing today. There was something bubbling under the surface as his tongue slid over hers. Delicate fingers tangled themselves in his hair as she seemed to pull him as close to her as possible. It was a kiss of searching, searching for something that neither knew they were looking for, but they kept seeking it out. Out of breath and far from sated, they pulled apart enough to rest their foreheads against each other.

"Happy New Year," he told her softly, keeping her pressed tightly against him.

"You say how you spend you ring in the New Year is how you will spend the rest of your year. Are you a superstitious man, Damon Salvatore?"

"Not in the slightest." He smiled down at her.

"Well I think that this is going to be the best year of our lives. After this night, how can things go bad?"


	12. Lovesick Mistake

**Chapter 11**

**Time says it's the end of the day  
>My inside says for your lips to forget what time says<br>Or do I let go of the feeling when you steal the logic around me?  
>Oh, God save me, I'm trying<strong>

Elena smiled politely as the bartender deposited another beverage in front of her. It was anything but a wise choice to keep drinking when she had to be on a plane before too long, but as the coverage of Damon's wedding continued to flash over the screen, she couldn't stop drinking. Everything hurt and she wanted it to stop. He wasn't hers anymore and he never would be again.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good." Elena turned to Beverly, who had been caring and polite ever since the first picture of Damon had shown up on the television. She found it surprising. Most women from Damon's circles were barely nice to her when she was on his arm, and once things crashed and burned, she was looked at with contempt. In fact, she could think of a few women who would get pleasure from the pain she was experiencing. Yet, Beverly, who she'd been rude to, was being kind to her.

She sighed and tilted her head to the side. "I'm flying to see my ex-boyfriend in Nashville. I cheated on him with Damon." She announced this like she was talking about the weather. "We were together for four years and after barely knowing Damon a few weeks, I was already making out with him. I let my boyfriend hold onto the hope that we'd work it out and get married even though I knew it wasn't going to happen. Cause that's the thing with Damon, just a look from him and you'll find yourself almost willing to abandon everything."

Beverly smiled politely, her eyes warm. "Maybe we should get some food in you."

"I messed so many things up, you know?" She ignored Beverly's attempts to pry her away from her drink. There were so many thoughts running through her head, so many conflicting emotions, so strong that even the alcohol hadn't numbed them yet. "He and I, we were never supposed to happen. We were just going to have fun for a few months and then I'd go find some good guy, a lawyer or businessman, get married, and have kids. But I couldn't get out. I just kept getting deeper and deeper, accepting anything he could give me. He had sworn that he'd never be able to commit again, but I knew that was wrong. Now I wonder, maybe if I'd had the strength to get out, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Elena, you really don't—" Beverly tried to interrupt, but Elena forged ahead, on a train that couldn't stop. Now that everything was finally coming out, she couldn't put it back in. She couldn't bury it anymore.

"He thinks I'm a liar. Tells me I'm one all the time. And I am, I've lied about so many things. But they were mostly lies of self-preservation, lies I told myself because I was too scared to admit what was really happening. I was in love with him for months before I ever even realized it. I think I just buried it all, because then I'd have to acknowledge it, and run the risk of him pushing me away because of it. Those were the lies I told. And I think those were the lies he hated the most. I think he's gotten over what I did to him, but I don't think he'll ever get over what I did to myself."

Beverly sighed compassionately and rested a comforting hand on top of Elena's trembling one. "I know Damon has his issues, but I'm sure he's forgiven you."

"It's not that simple. I took one bad decision that I made with Matt and let everything spiral. There was no talking any sense into me, because it was Damon, and he does that, you know? I would just look into his eyes and know that he was enough. Then, one day, he wasn't. I left and I ruined everything. I messed up so many things for so many people because I was so stuck in my own head. And now he's gonna marry _her_. He's going to marry her and I'll have lost everything." The cries that were choked in the back of her throat finally broke free as tears slid down her cheeks. "He was enough then and he's enough now. He's more than enough. I'm never going to get it back. He doesn't belong to me anymore, he's hers, and I just miss him. I miss him so much." She cried into her hands. "I miss everything about him."

* * *

><p>"You've been avoiding me." Elena froze with a martini shaker poised in the air the ice smashing to the bottom from the sudden halt. She looked across the bar at Damon. He was leaning casually against the wood, his eyebrows raised in a defiant challenge.<p>

It took her a moment, but she quickly recovered and finished shaking the drink in her hands before quickly pouring it into the glass she'd already placed on the bar. She didn't look at him as she said, "I have been doing no such thing." She slid the drink across the bar to the young woman expectantly waiting for her drink. "Here ya go."

"You've been radio silent for three days. You're avoiding me."

Damon was completely right when he accused her of avoiding him. She had been dodging his calls for three days and swearing Caroline to a strict code of silence as well. Three days ago she'd gotten sick with a stomach bug that had her sick and feverish. She'd spent that time in bed and on the floor of her bathroom, and she'd been in no state for Damon to see her.

As he made so clear practically every time they were together, they were not dating. She was not his girlfriend and he was not her boyfriend. Technically, he was free to go out and sleep with any woman he wanted to, no repercussions. This meant that it was not his job to take care of her. She knew that if she told him she was sick, he'd either feel obligated to bring her soup and keep her company, or he'd make up some awkward excuse about how he was too busy to be around her. She hadn't needed that blow to her ego when she was sick.

So, Caroline and Bonnie had stepped in like the wonderful best friends they were and took care of her. They brought her soup, Gatorade, movies, and magazines. Bonnie had even stayed the night with her one night. Girl code dictated that in the absence of a boyfriend, girlfriends were the designated caretakers and they'd fulfilled their roles diligently.

She had made Caroline promise that she wouldn't tell Stefan though. By now, she'd more than learned that telling Stefan something was pretty much the same thing as saying it to Damon and vice-versa. The brothers might not agree on a lot of things, but they shared just about everything. If Stefan told Damon and she never heard from him, it would have been confirmation of something she didn't want to think about. It had been weeks since Caroline and Stefan's wedding and she was still deftly avoiding the newfound feelings she had for the blue-eyed man standing across from her.

Elena moved down the bar, leaving Damon unfulfilled and frustrated in the midst of other patrons waiting to order a drink. "What can I get for you?" she asked a young blonde at the other end of the bar.

"A hurricane, please," she shouted over the loud music.

"Coming right up." She quickly turned around and gathered the items she'd need for the beverage.

She was mixing the drink when Mark slid up next to her. "What are you doing on my end of the bar?" he questioned as he began mixing a drink of his own.

"Just thought I'd help you out," she explained, her voice probably far too upbeat, a fact that Mark quickly caught onto.

"Your end is packed." He motioned to the thick crowd waiting to order a drink. "Want to try again?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She spun on her heel and handed the rum-filled drink to the blonde. "Enjoy!"

"It wouldn't have anything to do with Damon, would it?" Mark was next to her again, handing four drinks over to a group of women, a pleasant smile on his face.

"Nope," she quickly denied, then plastered the smile on her face. "What would you like?"

"Two Blue Moons and three shots of Jack." The handsome man standing across from her flirtatiously winked at her as he ordered. "Keep a shot for yourself."

She smiled brightly at him, but rolled her eyes when she turned around. She liked the money she made from her job, but men constantly wanting to buy her drinks and get in her pants got old. Not to mention that this was her first night back to work after being sick. She still felt slightly disgusting and that she was sporting a green tint to her skin. The lecherous looks she received from several men tonight wasn't making her feel much better. Just because her work attire required her to don tiny shorts and a tight tank top did not mean that she was open for business. Well, she technically was, but only to one man in this bar; a man she was currently trying to avoid.

Seeing Damon tonight meant she had to explain why she'd been avoiding him, and then he'd spend ten minutes trying to convince her that he would have been happy to bring her soup. No matter what he said though, she knew it would just be a lie. Damon was a great guy, but he wasn't out to play the role of the dutiful boyfriend, and she wasn't in the mood for him to try to convince her otherwise. It was an insult to her intelligence and only brought forth things that she didn't want to think about. She wanted to keep things purely physical for as long as she could, and she couldn't do that if he tried to lie his way through the conversation.

The thing about Damon that most people didn't get was that while he was one of the most honest people you'd ever meet, he'd lie in a second if it fit his agenda. If he thought it would keep drama out of his life, he'd spend hours lying to her face, just so he wouldn't have to deal with emotions, which he found to be pesky and overrated.

She was just about to turn around and deposit the drinks on the bar when she felt a cool hand wrap around her upper arm. "Your shift is over."

"Hey!" she shouted and ripped her arm from his grasp. "What are you doing? You can't be back here."

"We need to talk."

"How about you quit hitting on the pretty lady and let her do her job?" The man that had told her to keep a shot for herself spoke up from a few feet away, an annoyed edge to his voice.

Damon swiftly gathered the bottles and small shot glasses in his hands and deposited them in front of the man. "Here ya go!" Damon lifted one of the shots of Jack Daniels and easily swallowed it. "Thanks for the shot."

The man was about to protest, but Damon turned his back on him and grabbed Elena's arm again. She resisted, but he was stronger and more determined, which left her trailing behind him. "Some of us actually have to show up at work to make money, Damon." She tried to tug free from his hand again, but his grip only tightened. "I'm serious, Damon! I really need this money tonight."

"Chill out, Mark is still going to split the tips with you."

"He needs that money too!"

"I know," he acknowledged easily and continued on, "Which is why I wrote him a check for a thousand dollars. He was more than happy to oblige."

Damon pulled her through the dense crowd, earning them annoyed groans and some unsavory names as he roughly moved people out of his way. "You can't just show up at my work and drag me out. Our arrangement doesn't work like that."

They reached the door to the street and he easily pushed it open and dragged her into the bitter cold. "Don't avoid me for three days and swear your best friend to secrecy and I won't have to."

"Wait, how do you – what?"

"Oh, come on," he groaned. "I'm narcissistic, not stupid. Blondie is probably a crappier liar than my brother and that's saying something, trust me."

Damon was still holding tightly to her arm as they moved down the busy street of New York City. "Why does it matter if I was avoiding you? We aren't committed or anything. If I want to have a few days to myself, I can have a few days to myself."

"If that were true, you would have told me." When Damon felt Elena's arm shake in his from the cold temperature he halted in his tracks and turned to face her. He deftly slid his coat off and slung it over her shoulders. "So, come on, Elena. Why have you been avoiding me?"

Elena sighed, knowing that Damon was going to push this until he got an answer that satisfied him. "I was sick. I had the stomach flu."

"Really? The stomach flu? You dodged me for three days because you were sick?" His voice was filled with utter disbelief at the explanation she was giving him.

"Yes, I was sick, okay?"

"Why would you avoid me 'cause you were sick?"

She was frozen into silence as she stared up at him. How could she explain this to him without sounding stupid or like she was completely in love with him? Granted, she did wonder about her intellect sometimes, especially when it came to Damon, but he didn't need to know that. She also wasn't in love with him and she'd really prefer that he didn't suddenly think she was.

"I just didn't think it was relevant information," she tried to explain. "There was nothing you could do. Caroline and Bonnie brought me soup and all of that stuff. Mark was fine to work for me for a few nights. Everything was under control, no reason to call you."

Damon looked down at the ground for a moment, a pensive look on his face. "I could have brought you soup."

Something twisted tight in Elena's gut as Damon looked up at her. Her mouth lifted on one side and she reached out to brush an unruly piece of hair down on his head. "That's what I have Caroline and Bonnie for. I didn't need you to bring me soup. Boyfriends bring soup, sex buddies don't."

"Elena, we're more than just two people who have sex." Against all better judgment and every rational fiber of her being, she felt a tiny piece of hope swell in her chest. She swallowed thickly as she stared at him, her lips pressed tightly together as she waited for him to continue. "You're my friend." He smiled and nudged her shoulder. "I thought you knew that by now."

Just as quickly as the hope swelled it came crashing back down, as did she. Reality surrounded her again, reminding her of what their situation really was. Her throat was tight as she said, "Of course I know that." Her voice sounded strained to her own ears, and from the small quirk in his eyebrows she knew it sounded off to Damon as well, but when she continued, his gaze returned to normal. "Next time I'm sick, I'll call you."

He seemed to accept this promise and smiled genuinely. "Good." He reached out and grabbed her hand in his and began pulling her down the street again.

"Wait, where are we going? I should go back to work."

"Caroline has dragged Stefan to a dueling piano bar. Let's go embarrass my brother."

Elena soon found herself sitting on Damon's lap in the dark, crowded bar that was known for playing any and every song imaginable on pianos. People would send up requests with money, and if you just so happened to be celebrating your birthday or wedding, chances were you'd get called up to be thoroughly mortified in front of everyone. She'd never been to anyplace like this or even heard of something like it, but she found she was quite enjoying it.

The crowd sang along and clapped happily, some even dancing in the free spaces they could find. Waiters made the rounds to make sure you always had a drink in hand and sheets to make song requests. They were all definitely nearing their drink limit, but it was a fun time and an amusing thing to watch.

The real fun started when Damon sent up $100 for Stefan to be called up on stage. "Stefan Salvatore, I need you on stage right now!" One of the men that was playing one of the pianos on stage looked out at the crowd and pointed to the stage.

"No, no!" Stefan started chanting. He turned to his brother, an annoyed look on his face. "Damon, what did you do?"

"Just sent up a little request. Go on!" He motioned to the stage, but Stefan remained frozen in his seat.

"I'm not going up there! I'm not doing that!"

Damon kept hold of Elena as he stood up and shouted, "He's here!" He pointed down at his brother, causing everyone to turn to look at a mortified Stefan. "You heard the man, get up there."

Stefan shook his head and pressed his lips tightly together. Caroline clapped excitedly beside him. "Come on, baby!" she encouraged, "Go on!"

"Paging Stefan Salvatore," the pianist spoke into the microphone. "Stefan Salvatore, please report to the stage."

"He's coming!" Caroline called out cheerfully while she tried to push Stefan from his chair. "You'll get sex! Go!"

Begrudgingly, Stefan stood up and made his way to the stage, a scowl on his face, everyone at the table laughing loudly at his expense. Elena took her spot again on Damon's lap when he sat down and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You are just mean."

Damon laughed and leaned his head against her shoulder. "This is gonna be so good. He's going to kill me."

The pianist picked up the sheet that Damon had sent up. "Stefan Salvatore, I would like you to pick a piano to sit on, any piano you want." Stefan glared out at his brother before hopping up on one of the black pianos on stage. "Stefan Salvatore, how old are you?"

"Twenty-four," he practically mumbled into the microphone that was handed to him.

"Little young there to be married, don't you think?" He paused and looked back down at the sheet of paper. "Stefan Salvatore, your brother wants us to congratulate you on your recent marriage. Where is that lovely lady? Stand up!"

Caroline giggled like a schoolgirl and hopped to her feet, waving her arms in the air. "It's me!"

"Is that a monogamous commitment you two have?" the other pianist questioned, earning him a hearty roar of laughter from the crowd. "That's a pretty girl you have there."

"Stefan's brother has also shared that his baby brother kept his virtue intact until his wedding night. He feels a song is in order to celebrate that his brother remained a virgin when so many others cannot resist the temptation." The pianist tossed the paper back to the piano as Damon's entire body shook beneath Elena. "For your wife's sake, I hope that was a short courtship. Shall we sing?"

"I think we should sing," the other pianist agreed.

Stefan's face was nearly bright red as the men began to sing about his "virtue" for two, long, gloriously embarrassing minutes. Damon could barely breathe, he was laughing so hard. Caroline was on her feet, cheering and clapping. It was the highlight of the night and she didn't think anything could ever top it. When it was finally over, Stefan hopped off the bar and shot back to the table. He reached out to slap Damon's head, but Damon used her as a body shield, making sure Stefan couldn't reach him.

When he sat down, he took the chance to roughly kick Damon's leg. "I'm gonna get you back for that."

"Oh, come on, it was epic." Damon tried to reason with his brother but he was having none of it. Only Caroline moving herself onto his lap could remove the scowl from his face.

Elena knew that she probably should have insisted that she go back to work tonight instead of going out. Damon did this a lot with her. Days that were once devoted to laundry and cleaning her apartment now seemed to disappear as she spent them with Damon. She didn't beg for extra shifts at the bar. All her extra time went to him now. She just wanted him around as much as possible. That was why she couldn't turn around and go back to work. It didn't even matter that she probably shouldn't even be drinking. She wasn't on antibiotics, but she had been given nausea medicine to take as it was needed. She needed to spend time with him and her friends though.

Granted, she had gotten to see Caroline and Bonnie plenty in the past few days, but it didn't count when she was sick. It also was nice to not have to tell Caroline that she wasn't pregnant. Throwing up and sex automatically meant she had to be pregnant according to Caroline. She practically had to go to the doctor to get the blood test results they'd done before she'd been prescribed with anything for Caroline to believe her. She and Damon were always safe. She never missed a day of her birth control. She may care about him, but she wasn't ready to have his child, or any child for that matter.

Her eyes shot open when Damon brushed his fingers over her forehead. "Your face is going to freeze like that. Stop thinking so hard." His fingers slid into her dark tresses. "You think too much."

"One of us has to." And it was true. One of them did need to think and while Damon was by no means stupid or lacking in common sense, he didn't think about the long term in things. He did what he wanted, when he wanted it, with no thought to the consequences. He just wasn't a big picture kind of guy. He lived in the moment and saw what was directly in front of him. Maybe that was one of the ways they seemed to fit so well. While he worked to keep her from getting too far ahead of herself, she worked to get him to slow down, even if just for a moment, and think something through.

"And I was thinking to myself, this could be heaven this could be hell." His voice was soft and almost got lost in the crowd as he sang along to the lyrics of Hotel California, the song that was currently playing in the bar. His eyes had that drunken glaze that made him look like a carefree teenager. His hair was unruly due to his habit of frequently running his fingers through the thick locks after a few drinks. His inability to sit still only got worse the more he drank. His hands couldn't stay still, his feet were constantly tapping, and his mouth seemed to never close. He was like a child with too much sugar.

Elena grabbed Damon's face and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. "You're so pretty."

His eyes widened comically at the compliment. "I'm a boy, I can't be pretty. I'm irresistibly handsome, sex on two legs, and the hottest thing in town, but I am not pretty."

"If you say so." She smiled and pressed her forehead against his. "Welcome to the hotel California."

"I'm impressed." He smiled up at her. "You actually know some decent music."

She blew out a humored chuckle. He'd made it perfectly clear how he thought her taste in music was absolutely horrible. She listened to far too much girly music for his taste. And so what if she still had her N'Sync albums; they were classic.

"Okay, bathroom time!" Caroline announced and stood up. She tugged on Bonnie's arm and pulled her intoxicated friend to her feet. They stared down at Elena expectantly. "Come on."

Damon's arms tightened around Elena's waist. "No, she doesn't have to go."

"I'm sorry," she apologized and patted his arms. "We have to go together. It's a rule."

"No." He stuck out his bottom lip in a pitiful pout. "I'll get cold."

She giggled when he nuzzled his face in her neck. He pressed wet kisses against her heated skin, awakening a pool of desire in her. She smiled and ran her fingers over the short hairs at the back of his head. "If you ask nicely enough Alaric might sit on your lap."

"Unless he's Santa, promising to bring me everything I want for Christmas, I'm not going anywhere near his lap."

Alaric's comment allowed her the opportunity to rise from Damon's lap when his arms loosened as he laughed. Before he could argue, Caroline grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bathroom. They didn't have to wait in line long before making their way inside the small bathroom. Elena leaned against the wall, now feeling the full effects of the alcohol she'd consumed.

"You look a lot better," Bonnie commented from beside her, the glazed look in her eyes similar to Damon's.

"Beauty of the stomach flu. Comes out of nowhere and disappears just as quickly." She sighed and let her eyes fall closed. "I'm just glad I can see Damon again."

Elena had gotten used to seeing a lot of Damon now that they were sleeping together. She'd seen him a lot before then, but now it was a daily occurrence. She hadn't realized how much she'd come to depend on his presence until it was completely gone from her life, even if just for a few days. Even if she was scared of her growing feelings for him and what they could mean, he still kept her at ease. He made her laugh more than anyone else ever had. He didn't look down on her for her tiny apartment that was the same size as his bedroom and closet. There were so many things he brought to the table that she just hadn't experienced with Matt. He was like a breath of fresh air.

"You know, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if he knew you were sick." She looked over at Bonnie and opened her eyes in confusion. At Elena's look, she shrugged her shoulders and asked, "What? Just because I'm not on the love train for this doesn't mean I can't be objective."

"Well, you know I couldn't call him. We're not dating. He wasn't obligated to take care of me."

"But you want him to take care of you," Bonnie calmly pointed out. "You want more than just sex and you know it."

"I know no such thing."

"Liar."

"Speaking of liars," Caroline's voice interrupted her conversation with Bonnie, forcing Elena to gratefully meet Caroline's blue eyes in the mirror. "You're my best friend and I'll do anything for you, but no more asking me to lie for you. Stefan is mad at me."

Her brows furrowed together in confusion. "Why is Stefan mad at you?"

"Damon told him why you'd been avoiding him when they got our drinks earlier. He knows that I was keeping it from him, so he's mad."

"He's practically been all over you all night. You have that disgusting newly-weds thing going on."

"He's so drunk he'd make out with me even if I was puking my guts up in the bathroom." She turned off the sink and grabbed a small hand towel. "Salvatore men want one thing and one thing only when they drink – sex."

That was a trait she didn't need to know the brothers shared.

"I'm sorry," she apologized softly. "I didn't think he'd get mad."

"Another Salvatore thing, they expect honesty at all times." She tossed the towel into the basket beneath the sink and turned to face Elena. "You want to keep doing this thing with Damon, you need to learn a few things. Like the fact that even though they expect honesty all the time, they will lie for each other. It also wouldn't hurt you to learn that Damon isn't going to commit to you. He's never committing after Katherine, she screwed him up too much."

Elena pushed herself off the wall, a grimace on her face. "I'm actually feeling good tonight for the first time all week. Can we not talk about Katherine? I feel like I'm compared to her enough as it is."

"There are no comparisons to be made, Elena, just observations and facts."

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about this. Besides, I think this is the last conversation we need to have when we're all drunk." She turned to leave the bathroom, but Caroline grabbed her arm.

"I'm not saying Damon feels anything for Katherine. That ship sank a long time ago. I'm saying that because things ended so badly, he's not going to risk anything like that ever happening again. You get one shot with Damon and that's it. She used hers."

"I get that! I just don't get why she even has to be discussed. She has no part in what is going on with Damon and me."

Elena understood that Katherine played a big part in who Damon was as a person and the place he was at in his life right now. She hadn't met the woman, but she'd seen her and heard enough to know that things had been very complicated. She'd also heard plenty of times how she bared a striking resemblance to his ex-wife. Those were thoughts she didn't like to entertain. If she let those thoughts in it could only lead to an insecurity she didn't need. She was already working hard enough to keep the insecurity of her feelings out of the equation.

"_She_ doesn't, but what she did to him does. They were married, Elena, as in 'till death do them part. It was kind of a big deal to him and the longer you sit around hoping that he's going to open up and commit to you, the more you're going to be hurt." Caroline sighed and released Elena's arm. "Just think about it."

Elena rolled her eyes and looked to her other friend. "Thank you, Bonnie. Nice to know who my real friend is tonight."

"Oh, now that's just a low blow. Now you're being petty."

"Maybe, or maybe you're just mad 'cause Stefan is mad at you, so you're taking it out on me."

"Well whose fault is it that he's mad?"

"Fine, lesson learned. I just won't tell you next time I don't want Damon to know something. Let's see how well you respond to being in the dark."

Caroline gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

Elena couldn't resist cracking a smile at Caroline's horrified expression. "Wouldn't I?"

Someone knocked loudly on the bathroom door, signaling that they were taking far too long in there. The tension in the small bathroom immediately dissipated. With the alcohol they'd consumed tonight, it was easy enough to move on from the tense conversation. It was easy to brush off and put a smile on her face.

"I guess that's our cue that we're taking too long." Elena unlocked the door and held it open for Bonnie and Caroline to exit before her. They received a few nasty looks from the women waiting in line, but she smiled sweetly in return. They made it back to the table easily enough to find the men all in a seemingly entertaining conversation with one another. Elena hated to break it up, but she leaned down and slid her hands down Damon's chest. She pressed her mouth next to his ear and asked, "What do you say we call it a night?"

He tilted his head back to look at her, a lazy smile on his face. "I think I could be okay with that." He grabbed hold of one of her hands and rose to his feet. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been fun, but I think I'm going to go have sex now."

"Damon!" she gasped and hit him across his shoulder. "He did not mean that!" He only laughed in response and guided her toward the exit. "You share far too much when you're drunk."

"I am merely intoxicated, not drunk."

"You are so drunk."

"We'll see who's drunk when we get back to my place." He held his arm out and easily flagged a cab down in a few moments. He opened the door and allowed her to slide in first before climbing in next to her.

While he told the driver where to take them, she situated herself against him, draping her legs over his and laying her head on his shoulder. "You smell yummy."

"Now you're the drunken one," he laughed as he began softly running his fingers through her hair.

"What took you girls so long in the bathroom?"

"Nothing." She answered him a little too quickly. "Just had to do girl stuff. You know how it goes."

"I'm proud to say that I don't."

"Well, it was just girl talk and touching up our makeup; stuff like that."

"Why do I feel like you're skirting around that whole honesty thing again?"

"What makes you think I'm not being honest?"

"The way your voice jumps a few octaves, for starters. I feel like that discussion had something to do with me and that it wasn't all sweetness and light."

Elena pulled away and turned in her seat to look at him. "We were talking about Katherine." She threw it all out bluntly, catching him completely off guard. His eyes grew wide, his shoulders stiffened, and he looked like he wouldn't be opposed to jumping out of the moving car. Ten minutes ago this was the last thing in the world she wanted to discuss, but if he was going to push it, she'd push back.

"Okay, I was wrong, I don't need to know."

"No, you obviously did want to know, so let's talk about it. You were with her for five years and you never mention her."

"Why would I?" He nearly balked at her. "She and you have nothing to do with one another. We don't have kids together, so it's not like there's anything that ties her and me together."

"You were _married_."

"_Were_, Elena. We were married. There's an emphasis on the past tense there."

"Are you sleeping with me because I look like her?" If it weren't for the heavy amounts of alcohol flowing through her blood right now, she'd never broach this topic. Katherine was a topic she didn't want to discuss any more than Damon did. She knew what everyone thought. She could see it in their faces every time Damon took her out.

He scoffed, clearly annoyed with the question. "That is the most ridiculous question I've ever heard in my life."

"Answer it."

"No!" he exclaimed. "I guess the two of you have some resemblances, but it doesn't go beyond the dark hair and dark eyes. For one thing, you have a soul. You're also sweet and sometimes insecure."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks."

"I don't mean it in a bad way. A little insecurity is actually nice sometimes. It shows that you're human." He groaned and ran a hand over his face. "I've had too much to drink for this conversation."

"You really aren't sleeping with me because I look like her?" she questioned quietly.

He reached out and cupped her face in his hands. "Katherine is my past and when I'm with you, I'm not thinking of anyone but you." He leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss. It was gentle but insistent and had her immediately wanting more. She sighed into his mouth as he pulled her against him, neither caring that they were in the back of a taxi.

He gripped her hips and pulled her onto his lap, where she could feel his growing desire pressing into her core. His tongue was doing a deep exploration of her mouth while his hands began an exploration underneath the thin material of her tank top. She was lost in every touch and every kiss she received from him. They could stay in the backseat of this taxi forever and she'd never have enough of him. Kissing Damon, having his hands run over her skin, was like an assault on the senses. They didn't even need to be having sex for him to set her ablaze with desire.

The cab came to a stop as the taxi driver politely cleared his throat from his seat. She whimpered into his mouth before pulling away and removing herself from his lap. The doorman for his building was at the car door in an instant, opening the door for her to get out. If he could tell what they'd been doing just moments ago, he didn't show it. He just politely smiled and held out a hand for her while Damon paid the driver and soon followed her out of the taxi. When his feet were on solid ground, he grabbed hold of her hand and practically dragged her to his building, nearly forgetting to hand a generous tip to his doorman.

They were just in luck; someone exited the elevator moments after they entered the spacious lobby of his building, allowing them to bypass the antagonizing waiting game. The moment he had her in the elevator and the doors began to close, he pinned her against the wall. The laugh immediately died on her lips when he kissed her again. This time, there was nothing gentle about it. The kiss was passionate and demanding, forcing her to give everything right back to him. She moaned in approval as his mouth roamed to her neck.

His fingers were working on the button of her shorts when the elevator dinged loudly, signaling their arrival to his floor. She never let his mouth leave her skin as they exited the elevator. The walk to his penthouse was short, with him being one of only two occupants on the floor. She slid her hands into the front pocket of his pants and pulled out his key ring to unlock his front door. Her hands trembled as she struggled to get the key in the lock. It was hard to focus on a task when his hand was now sliding into her panties. With more effort than it should have taken, she finally got the front door open.

They stumbled into his penthouse and he kicked the door shut. He pushed his jacket from her shoulders as he guided her back toward his bedroom. It soon became a trail of abandoned clothes leading to his room, bringing them that much closer to the bed with each item of clothing they shed. When they finally made it to his bedroom, they were completely naked and ready to explode.

He lifted her in his arms and deposited her on his bed. She supported her weight on her elbows as she smiled up at him, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip. He was fully exposed before her, hard and ready to be inside of her, and it was a gorgeous sight. His eyes remained locked on hers as he moved onto the bed and pulled her legs apart. He'd seen her naked more than a hundred times, but she still blushed under his intense gaze. She could only swallow thickly as he lowered his head to the apex of her thighs and ran his tongue over her wet center.

Her head fell back against the soft cotton of his comforter as he continued on, unable to hold it up any longer. "God, Damon." She buried her hand in his hair, holding him closer to her as she rocketed toward oblivion. It was quick and frenzied, but after three days without him, she fell over the edge, screaming his name as she went.

There was little time to recover before he was hovering over her, a satisfied smile on her face. "You ready for more?" She was left mute, only able to nod her head. He expertly positioned himself and thrust into her, joining their bodies after too many nights apart. "God," he moaned when he was fully inside of her. He remained still for a moment, reveling in the feeling of being with her again. It was only when she clenched her muscles that he began to move. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, tangling their limbs together as they moved as one.

His eyes were like beacons of light above her, leaving her unable to look away. She could see every emotion that flashed through his gaze, every moment of ecstasy, fulfillment, and happiness. Everything that was building inside of her was so much more than just physical, but emotional as well. She was experiencing every feeling that she had for him, good and bad, and it was amazing and scary all at the same time.

She could only moan her appreciation until she went hurtling over the edge again, this time bringing him with her only moments later. He lowered his forehead to hers, out of breath and spent, but his eyes were still locked on hers. "I missed that," she murmured, moving her fingers up to get lost in the sea of his dark hair.

"I missed you."

Those three words may not mean much to most people, but they made her heart soar. He had missed her while she had been sick. He'd thought about her and wanted her. She wasn't just a girl he only thought about when she was in his presence. She was a genuine part of his life and it gave her some small sense of comfort that had been lacking during her conversation with Caroline and Bonnie.

He rolled off of her and pulled back the covers so they could slide beneath the sheets. They lay on their sides, facing each other, almost as if they were scared to take their eyes off of one another. It was how they stayed for the remainder of the night; limbs interlocked, bodies pressed together, eyes glued to each other until they finally drifted closed. His were the first to drift shut, leaving her to watch him as he slipped into a peaceful sleep.

Damon may never be able to give her anything more than what he could give her tonight. He may never truly be hers to keep, but he was hers tonight. She may look like Katherine and others may judge what they don't understand, and it would be a hard pill to swallow some days. She would continue to wonder how this would end and where that would leave her, but right now, in this moment, what he could give her was enough. She would take anything he could give and she would make it count.


	13. Vienna

**Chapter 12**

**Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy  
>This is the distance<br>And this is my game face**

"Would you stop pacing?" Caroline called out. "You're making me dizzy."

Damon momentarily stopped to turn and glare at his sister-in-law. "How am I supposed to stop pacing? I'm getting married today and my brother just told me that he doesn't think I should. Alaric looks like he's ready to down an entire bottle of scotch. And you," he shoved a finger in her direction, "You won't quit calling Elena and whispering about god knows what over there with my traitorous brother."

Stefan sighed. "I'm not a traitor, Damon. I'm your brother and I'm being honest with you."

"Yeah, well keep it to yourself next time."

"Why? Why should I keep my mouth shut? We all know that you never do."

"Okay, I think we should all go to our separate corners for a little bit." Alaric stood up from the chair he'd practically buckled himself into since Caroline showed up. "Everyone is stressed and we just need to take a breather and calm down."

"Come on, Ric, you think this is as bad of an idea as I do."

"I think that Damon is an adult and he's going to do what he wants, whether I approve or not. I think we just need to all calm down."

"I think Damon needs to wake the hell up," Caroline said from next to Stefan.

"And I think that you need to mind your own business," he snapped at her. "I know that's a foreign idea to you, Caroline, but right now it would do you some good to shut the fuck up."

"Hey!" Stefan shouted. "You need to watch it."

Damon laughed incredulously. "I need to watch it? Why am I the problem here? I didn't show up and ask someone not to get married. I didn't just tell my brother he shouldn't get married. And I'm not sitting around with some judgmental little look on my face because my selfish best friend has dropped off the face of the earth."

"Because you broke her heart, Damon. What part of you doesn't understand that?"

"I understand things more than you think I do, but I can't worry about Elena or care about her precious little feelings. What part of that do _you_ not understand?"

He had devoted so much time and effort to Elena and everything that she felt. He'd cared to the point of detriment, but he couldn't do that anymore. It had gotten him nowhere in the past and he'd moved on. He couldn't be held accountable for the fact that Elena hadn't, and he couldn't spend his wedding day making things okay for her, wherever she happened to be.

"You're impossible," Stefan groaned. "If you'd take a step back, you'd realize that I'm trying to help you. We're all trying to help you."

"It really doesn't feel that way Stefan."

"Because you're not listening to what we are saying. You're my brother and I love you. You know that I would never lie to you. I know you want me to be on your side, but that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm on your side in this, Damon. It's the only side I'm on."

A piercing cry sliced through the tension in the room, successfully bringing an abrupt halt to the strained conversation between the two brothers. All adults looked down to the tiny bundle of blue cradled in Stefan's arms. He watched as his brother peered down at his son, trying to distinguish what had pulled him from his sleep.

Caroline stared down at her son as well, running a soft finger over his chubby cheeks. When he turned toward her finger, she smiled softly and began to retrieve him from her husband's arms. "I think someone is hungry." She nestled the tiny child in her arms and lifted her bag from the chair she'd set it in earlier. "I'm going to go feed him, please don't kill each other in the meantime."

Damon's gaze followed his sister-in-law as she made her way back toward the main bedroom in the penthouse, listening as she quietly spoke to her fussy child. Stefan placed a heavy hand on his shoulder that he knew was meant to be comforting, yet it was anything but. He shrugged the hand from his shoulder and turned away from his brother's scrutinizing gaze.

"Damon," he tried softly.

"Stop." He cut his brother off before he could continue with whatever it was he wanted to say. He walked over toward the windows to stare out at the city yet again, searching for something, anything that would give him peace. "Just stop, Stefan. It's done."

* * *

><p>Damon pulled his coat off as he approached the bar, taking a moment to admire Elena bending over and grabbing a tray of glasses from a cabinet behind the bar. The shorts hugged her backside in just the right way and her thin t-shirt rode up enough to give him a taste of her smooth back. He didn't bother to avert his eyes as she stood up and turned around. When she caught sight of him and where his eyes had been glued, she smiled amusedly and shook her head. "Like what you see?"<p>

He nodded his head. "I very much like what I see."

She set the glasses down on a ledge in front of her and leaned over the bar to give him a quick kiss. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she took his jacket from him to deposit it behind the bar so it wouldn't get dirty. "I thought you had some business dinner."

"Ended early. I'm just that brilliant." Not to be obnoxious, but he was that brilliant. He had had dinner with the daughter who had recently taken over her father's international electronics corporation and all the best advertising agencies in the city were fighting to land the company as their newest client. He'd had the deal sealed before the entrée was served.

Not needing to be asked, Elena began pouring a glass of scotch for Damon, but she wore a clouded expression on her face. "Let me guess," she sighed and slid his drink across the bar before continuing, "It was a girl."

Damon froze up at Elena's question. She'd just gone for his girl jugular. Jealousy was something he didn't know how to handle. He'd encountered jealousy with women he'd dated, it was something he should have gotten used to a long time ago, but the truth was he completely sucked at dealing with it. He knew the effect he had on women and he regularly used it if it would benefit him. Tonight, using his charm had benefited him to the tune of millions of dollars, so of course he was going to use it. Just because he flirted with women and made them feel special didn't mean he was going to sleep with every single one.

Well, not today, at least.

He and Elena weren't even dating. They were having sex and enjoying their friendship. He didn't think he had to deal with jealousy, but by the look on her face, he was apparently dead wrong. It didn't frustrate him or confuse him, he understood it; he didn't find particular enjoyment in watching other men throw themselves at her either, but it didn't get his panties in a twist.

"Yes," he finally acknowledged. "It was a girl."

"Okay." She smiled but it was a tight one. "I have to get to work. I'll try to stop back down here in a bit."

He's only left alone with his drink for a few minutes before Stefan and Caroline descend on him. They're still in that blissful, "I'm having sex anywhere and everywhere I can get it" phase of the honeymoon period and a part of him hates them for it. It's not that he's not getting any, he's obviously getting plenty and from the hottest woman he knows. Well, maybe he isn't getting plenty at the moment, but he usually was. Things were tense between he and Elena right now. This left room for his least favorite phase of the honeymoon period called the "my life is so perfect right now, it gives me the right to tell everyone else how to fix theirs" phase. And that drove him up the damn wall, or through a window. He's definitely contemplated the window scenario.

They don't even untangle their hands to hug Damon, just make do with the one free arm they have and then fall back against each other as if the distance was far too much. Yeah, has he mentioned that they completely suck? They really do.

Because their bliss is only shoving in his face that something is brewing inside of Elena. Things went back to normal after she got sick a little more than a month ago, but a couple weeks ago, things changed again. He didn't really know how to describe it other than tense. Sometimes things were fine, but then others, she was distant and withdrawn. He didn't know where it had come from or what it was about, but he was almost scared to ask. He didn't want what they had to end yet, so he brushed off the weird moments and convinced himself that everything was really fine.

"Okay." Damon's voice was slow but loud as he extended his arm and pulled his hand down between Caroline and Stefan's faces, essentially drawing an imaginary line between the couple. "Disengage." When they looked at him and didn't immediately go right back to kissing, he offered his thanks. "Thank you for that. Now, can we put into effect the paper rule for the duration of our evening?"

"What is the paper rule?" Stefan questioned.

Caroline rolled her eyes in annoyance. "The rule you had in middle school dances that you had to be able to fit a piece of paper between you and your partner. Couldn't let anything too sexual go on while Usher corrupted us with his music."

"Not surprised that you're the one of that duo to know about the rule. Let me guess, you were regularly found in violation of it?"

"Whatever," Caroline scoffed, but unlike six months ago, her annoyed responses to him now held a trace of warmth. She didn't always sound like she wanted to shove his face into a blender and turn it on Pulse. "I'm going to go talk to Elena for a minute and get us some drinks."

She, of course, had to give Stefan a parting kiss before she went to find Elena. The brothers were then left alone, Damon swishing his alcohol around in his glass and Stefan twisting his wedding band on his finger. "I see you picked the habit up." Damon smiled and lifted his left hand in clarification when he received a blank stare from his brother.

Stefan looked down at his ring and then up at Damon, a soft smile on his face. "I guess so."

"It means you're officially a married man when you play with your ring when your wife isn't around." He'd picked up the habit after he married Katherine. At first, it had been because he suddenly had this foreign circle of metal around his finger. He'd had to constantly twist it just to make it not feel so new and uncomfortable. Then, it was simply a habit, something that reminded him of Katherine. Over fifteen years later and his father still twisted his wedding band on his finger. "I know it's pointless to ask, but how is married life going?"

Stefan's smile nearly exploded across his face. His green eyes were shining with excitement and his whole body had snapped to attention. "It's great. I can't believe I ever got cold feet. It's awesome."

Damon chuckled softly at his brother's enthusiasm. He had a love for adjectives, that was for sure. "I'm glad," he said sincerely. "You two look good."

"Dad had us over for dinner the other night; he gave her a compliment."

"What was the catch?" After knowing his father for 28 years, Damon knew that his father did not hand out compliments without a reason. The man didn't like anybody.

'There wasn't one." Stefan shook his head, a slight look of disbelief in his eyes. "I think he actually likes Caroline. He was never mean to her when we were dating, but I think he really, truly likes her. He even smiled."

"Okay, how drunk were you?"

"Completely sober. I hadn't even finished my second drink. I swear to you, it was an honest to god smile."

"And here we thought I'd set the bar high with Katherine and him never calling her a whore. I think you now reign supreme in the ultimate significant other category." If people thought it was hard to please a Salvatore man that you were dating, it was even harder to please the father of a Salvatore man.

Between Damon and Stefan they had never brought home a girl that their father actually liked. He'd sent plenty home in tears and humiliated. Some he'd even tried to buy off. Others, he just ignored, wouldn't even acknowledge their presence. So, when Giuseppe had done none of those things with Katherine, they had naturally assumed that Damon had found the Holy Grail. Or, as Damon now knew, the best manipulator of the male species, known to mankind. Stefan, in all of his overachieving glory, had come out of left field and gotten their father to accept Caroline. He figured he probably wasn't alone in assuming that Caroline would be the last person that Giuseppe Salvatore would ever like.

"Since we're on the subject of dad," Stefan began nervously, "He asked a few questions about who you're seeing. He wants to meet Elena."

"No." The answer was quick and concise, not even a moment needed to contemplate the answer. No way in hell was his father going to meet Elena. It wasn't happening.

"He saw you two at the wedding and he's apparently heard some things. He wants you to bring her over for dinner."

"Not happening, and don't you dare try to talk me into it. You like Elena, right?" Stefan nodded silently. "Then why would you subject her to that torture?"

"It won't be that bad."

"Remember when we'd want to break up with girlfriends, but we didn't want to deal with the drama? What did we do?" He asked the question slowly, enunciating every syllable like Stefan was stupid.

"Brought her home to dad," he admitted quietly. "Okay, so it wouldn't be a fun dinner. I'm just letting you know what he said. If he thinks you're trying to hide her from him he'll only get suspicious and start digging for information."

"Well, I'm not even dating her. There's no reason to take my fuck buddy home to meet daddy."

Stefan cringed at the crass language. "That was uncalled for. Caroline would slap you if she heard you say that."

"What? It's how he'll see it." He understood the words were rude and a low blow. He didn't see Elena that way in the slightest. Just because he didn't though, didn't mean his father wouldn't. There was no reason for him to subject Elena to an evening with his father. Hell, he didn't even deserve it most of the time.

Stefan turned to see where his wife was before turning back to Damon. He took a step closer to his brother and asked, "You really believe that you and Elena aren't doing anything more than sleeping together?"

"We're friends." He casually shrugged his shoulders. "But if you're getting at us being serious, you're wrong. She's not my girlfriend and she's not going to be my girlfriend."

"Then why do you treat her like she is?" he questioned bluntly. "You haven't been on a date with another girl since before Las Vegas. Yet, you seem to have no problem taking Elena out to dinner."

"So, because I feed the girl, I'm suddenly her boyfriend?"

Stefan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I have never met anyone more dense than you. You're seriously impossible to deal with."

Damon flashed his signature smirk. "I come by it naturally." Stefan opened his mouth to form some kind of retort, but Damon shoved him aside as he saw Alaric approaching. "Ric, so nice to have a friend around!"

"No!" Ric held his arms up and backed away from Damon. "Whatever you two are bickering about, I am not getting in the middle. Keep me out of it!"

"We're not bickering about anything. I just need you to tell my baby brother here that what Elena and me are doing is not dating."

"Nope." He shook his head, refusing to budge. "I'm keeping my mouth shut." He eyed Damon warily as he passed him, leaving a wide space between them. He stopped in front of the bar and looked between the brothers. "I know how this goes. I'll say something and then one of you will get pissed off because I think the other is stupid or some other petty shit like that, and you'll both gang up on me. I'm not doing that tonight. I'm ordering a drink and finding a pretty lady to keep me company for the evening."

"I think you're aiming a little high there buddy." Damon swung his arm around Ric's shoulders. "Let's stick to what you can handle. I'm thinking 21-year-old with daddy issues and too drunk to care that you're some boring history teacher that lives in a crappy studio apartment."

Ric shoved Damon away from him. "Dick."

"No violence, boys." Elena appeared in front of them and waved her finger at them. "Don't make me kick you out."

Caroline joined the group again and offered a warm welcome to Alaric before tucking herself under Stefan's arm and handing him a drink. "So, what brought this newest act of immaturity on?" she questioned, looking at all three men with curious eyes. Stefan tensed up, something Damon saw Caroline recognize immediately. She moved her gaze to Stefan. "What was it?"

He took a long sip of his drink, his eyes meeting Damon's over the rim of the glass. When he didn't offer any response and roamed his eyes through the growing crowd at the bar, Stefan lamely offered, "Nothing, just stupid stuff."

He could feel Caroline pin him with a stern gaze. "What's going on?"

Damon swung his eyes to Caroline. "Just brotherly disagreements. That's all." Damon looked down the bar at a rowdy group. "Um, Elena," he motioned to the other end of the bar, " I think you may need to get a towel."

Everyone looked at him in confusion, but Elena questioned, "What?"

"Guy, red shirt, he's gonna throw up in three, two—" Before he could get to one, the blonde guy in the red shirt got sick, causing a wave among his friends as they all jumped back. He cringed and said, "Ooh, there he goes."

In his years, he'd seen the look dozens of times. Everyone, no matter what age, had the same face before they got sick.

Caroline turned to look but then spun her head back around. "God, that's disgusting."

"Some people just can't hold their liquor."

Elena rolled her eyes and grabbed a towel from beneath the bar. "Great," she grumbled, "This is just what I need tonight."

She began to walk to the other end of the bar to fulfill a very unsavory task as a bartender, but before she could move two feet, she froze, and the color drained from her face. He saw her mumble something to herself and clamp her hand over her mouth. She spun on her heels and ran off, dropping the towel to the floor as she disappeared out of sight.

Caroline looked at the vapor trail Elena left in her wake. "Oh god." She sighed and pulled away from Stefan. "That's not good." She rushed after her friend, a worried expression on her face.

Damon stared down the hallway Elena disappeared down, wondering what had just happened. She hated that part of the job but he knew she'd handled it before without running off to the bathroom. He rounded the bar and grabbed her bottle of water that she kept handy at all times. Stefan watched as he set his beverage down on the bar and filled a glass with ice. "What are you doing?"

He looked up at his brother and rolled his eyes. "Taking her some water. What does it look like?"

"Okay," he said slowly, but the look on his face indicated that he had plenty more he wanted to say. Most days, he'd tell his brother to just say it, but right now, Elena was sick in the bathroom. He could badger his brother later.

He could hear frenzied chatter on the other side of the door, but the moment he knocked on the door everything went silent. Confused, he pushed the door open. Elena was on the floor giving him an agonizing look before turning her head and closing her eyes. Caroline was staring at Elena, a worried but annoyed look on her face. She simply sighed and pressed a cool paper towel to Elena's forehead as he closed the door behind him and crouched down beside her. "You okay?" She opened her eyes briefly before closing them again and shaking her head as he reached a hand out and gently brushed her hair behind her ear. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I just got sick."

"Think it's the stomach flu again?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, maybe."

"Here," he held out the glass of water, "I thought this might help."

"Thanks." She sighed and grabbed the glass of water from him and finished half the glass before handing it back to him. "God, I feel disgusting."

"I think you should go home for the night," Caroline said. "Mark is supposed to be here soon anyway, right?"

"Yeah, he starts at ten."

"Okay, that's twenty minutes from now. I'm sure someone can hold the bar down until he gets here."

Damon looked at Caroline. "Why don't you and Stefan handle things here and I'll take her home?"

"No," she quickly shook her head. "I should probably get her back to her apartment. Friend thing and all that." Those were the words she was saying, but her face was telling him a completely different story. Caroline wanted him to go home with Elena. Why, he didn't know, but he knew she didn't want to go.

"No, really," he insisted. "I can get her home and if she needs you she'll call you." He stood up and reached down to help Elena to her feet. "Sound good?"

She was slow standing up, but once she was up, she looked at him, a torn expression on her face. "I don't know; it's a Friday night. You don't want to spend it with me in my bathroom."

"Elena," he cupped her face in his hands and said, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else tonight. If you're sick, I'm taking care of you."

Her eyes watered at his words. "Really?"

He pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling back and looking her in the eyes again. "Really."

Caroline stood up and gently grabbed Elena's arm. "Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will," she promised. The two friends shared an intense look that probably held more than he said in an entire conversation before they turned away from each other.

Damon wrapped an arm around Elena's waist and gave it a gentle pat. "Let's get you home." He guided her back to the bar where he retrieved both of their jackets and said goodbye to everyone before exiting and hailing a cab. Normally they would walk back to her place, but with how pale she still looked, he figured this was the easiest. Once they were in the cab he reached out and felt her forehead. "You don't feel like you have a fever."

"I think it was just the smell." She tiredly leaned her head against the cool window of the cab, placing distance between their bodies. "I don't even know what happened. I was going to clean it up and then I just knew I was going to be sick too."

"If only people knew when to quit drinking."

"It would make my job a lot easier," she mumbled.

He grew silent as he allowed Elena to rest during the small trip to her apartment. His mind kept flashing back to the short moments he'd spent in the bathroom. He'd interrupted something with Caroline and Elena when he'd knocked on the door and from the look on Caroline's face, it was nothing small. It was now that he was realizing it hadn't been the first time in the past few weeks that things had also seemed tense between Caroline and Elena. He'd even told Caroline to back off last week when she was being particularly annoying. She hadn't taken to that too kindly.

Oh shit.

Oh shit, he cared about Elena.

It was all so unbelievably clear as they drove through the loud streets of New York, Elena curled up in the corner of the seat. He was going home with her on a Friday night to take care of her. Damon didn't take care of people. He hated germs and even refused to be around his brother when he was sick. Yet, he was jumping at the chance to take Elena home, even though Caroline was perfectly capable. He was standing up for her to Caroline. He had kept her sheltered from his father, unable to subject her to the torture he would inflict upon her. Stefan was absolutely right! He was treating her like a girlfriend, and he wasn't even being forced into it.

For some reason, he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't rush the deal at dinner tonight to prove how charming he was; he rushed it because he wanted dinner to be over. He wanted to come see her. He wanted to go home with her tonight.

"Oh shit."

Elena sat up and looked at him. "What? What's wrong?" His eyes were frozen, staring at nothing and everything in front of him, trying to figure out how he'd gotten here, to this point, right now. How had this happened? "Damon?" Elena grabbed his face and turned him to face her. "Damon."

He quickly shook his head, causing her hands to drop. "Sorry," he choked out as he opened and closed his eyes a few times. He tried to clear the thoughts from his head and focus on her. "I thought I'd forgotten to send out an important document today."

"Do you need to go to the office?"

"No, I dropped it on my secretary's desk before I left. I just forgot."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." The taxi came to a stop outside of her apartment building. "Let's get you inside." He dug his wallet out of his jacket and handed the money over to the taxi driver before stepping out of the taxi and helping her out.

She was silent as they walked up to her apartment. She kept her coat wrapped tightly around her body, a pensive expression on her face. In this moment, he'd never so desperately wanted to know what was going through one person's head. Did she feel the same way? Had Caroline been right when she'd said Elena cared? Was this why she'd been so different lately?

That was all he could think about as he got ready for bed and tried to make sure that Elena had what she needed for the night. She was in the bathroom getting washed up, leaving him a few moments to try and process some of the thoughts going through his head, but they still seemed jumbled and confusing. He needed to talk to her and figure out what was going through her head.

Elena emerged from the bathroom and turned off the light behind her. Her movements were slow but automatic as she wore a dazed expression on her face. He watched her climb into her bed and become situated beneath the covers, staying completely silent. She made no attempts to look at him when she rested her head on the pillow, kept her eyes trained at the ceiling above her.

"Elena?" he questioned quietly. "Are you okay?" He rolled onto his side and propped himself up with his arm to watch her. His free hand drifted beneath the covers and splayed gently over her abdomen. At the contact, she flinched and her eyes finally shot over to his face. "Did you get sick again?"

She swallowed deeply and remained silent for a few more moments before nodding her head and whispering, "Yeah. I guess it is the stomach flu again."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" Elena's gaze moved back to the ceiling. Her skin was pale and her eyes were wide as she stared at the white spots above her head. "Elena?" When she continued to stare ahead, he decided he needed to jump in now. It was probably a bad time, but he couldn't stay silent. "I think we need to talk."

"I'm pregnant."

The words were like a gunshot that ricocheted through the silent room. His heart seemed to stop dead in his chest as every nerve in his body went rigidly cold. He was numb and painfully alive all at the same time. Every other thought faded from his brain as he stared down at her frozen form below him, never even shifting her gaze back to him.

"What?" He swallowed thickly, grimacing at the sandpaper feeling in his throat. His voice was choked and foreign to his own ears as he said, "I thought we were—." His voice gave out on him, unable to continue.

"I'm late," she whispered, but her voice was like a scream through the night. "I'm on the pill, I'm never late."

"Have you taken a test?" She shook her head back and forth on the pillow. "So then, there's still a chance you're not pregnant."

"I finished puberty years ago, but somehow my breasts have grown in the past month. I'm over a week late. I just threw up because of a smell." Her breath caught and he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Damon threw the covers from his body and jumped out of bed. He'd just heard two words that he'd never thought he'd hear in his whole life, strung together. If Elena was right and she was pregnant, his life would never be the same. He'd just realized not even 20 minutes ago that he cared about her and now she was telling him she was pregnant.

"I am going to go to the drug store, get a test, and then we'll—." He couldn't finish the sentence, a habit he'd quickly adapted in the past five minutes. He sighed and pulled absentmindedly buttoned his shirt. "I'll be back."

The instant Damon had the front door to Elena's apartment closed, he fell back against the wall and a ragged breath fell from his lips. His heart was now pounding furiously in his chest, trying to break free from his rib cage. Every part of his body screamed at him to run and never look back. He couldn't do this. He was not meant for this. This was not supposed to happen to him. He wasn't supposed to have a kid. Elena was, but not with him.

A door slammed in front of Damon, pulling him from his panic enough to straighten and attempt to control his panic. The young stoner guy that lived across from Elena eyed him warily. "Dude, you look like you just saw a ghost."

He grimaced and rolled his eyes. He did not have time to deal with this right now. Without another glance, he ran down the stairs and all the way to the drug store just a block away. While he would have most certainly received judgmental looks if he were running through his neighborhood, he received none tonight. Elena lived in a neighborhood of fairly young neighborhood, surrounded by people too consumed in their own alcohol infused drama to even pay him any attention.

No one watched as he ran into the drug store and through every aisle until he finally came upon the pregnancy tests, which ironically were placed right next to the condoms. Was God trying to fuck with him? Because he cared about Elena, he was now supposed to be a dad?

The pregnancy tests all stared at him, openly mocking him for the position he'd gotten himself in. He was 28 years old; he did not knock a girl up. Things like that happened in high school and college. These accidents weren't supposed to happen to adults. They just weren't. And the longer he stared at the tests, the more confused he got. How was it possible to have so many different kinds of pregnancy tests? Were they really all needed? Either you were pregnant or you weren't. There didn't need to be 50 brands devoted to telling you whether your life was forever ruined.

Because that is exactly what his life would be if Elena is pregnant. Kids were not supposed to be in the cards for him. That was a box he closed when he signed the divorce papers. He'd been so blinded by love he thought having a child would be a great thing. Then, he woke up, looked at his life and realized it wouldn't be anything but horrible. He had no idea how to be a father. He'd been faced with a horrible example his entire life. All he'd ever be able to offer a child is the money to pay for all the therapy it would need after having him as a father.

That thought process led him to the checkout counter with approximately eight boxes of pregnancy tests. There would be no confusion when all was said and done tonight. He was going to have a definitive answer if he had to come back and buy out every single test the store had.

This time, he did receive a judgmental look. The woman in her mid-40s gave him a hard look as she took her time ringing up each test. There was no funny comment or piercing put-down on the tip of his tongue tonight though. He was judging himself right along with her. He looked absolutely ridiculous. Nobody who wanted to have a child bought this many pregnancy tests at this time of night on a Friday. Only fuckups like him were designated for that role.

When the clerk handed him the white plastic bag, it felt like bricks in his hand. And the closer he got to Elena's building, the heavier the bag got, and the heavier the bag got, the worse his fear got. These tests were going to define everything. In twenty minutes, his life would be forever changed, and he didn't know if he could do this yet. He didn't know if he could handle looking down at a positive pregnancy test without running straight back out of Elena's apartment. He wasn't ready for this.

With shaky hands, he dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed the only person that he could talk to right now. It didn't take long before he got the answer he needed. "Hey, what's up?"

"I've got a problem," he rushed out in a voice uncharacteristic to him. "A really big problem."

He could practically feel Stefan tense through the phone, waves of worry crashing through the small speaker. "What's wrong?"

"Elena's pregnant." He didn't allow the words a moment to hang in the air or sink in. No, he just plowed ahead. "At least, she says she is. She hasn't taken a test, but it sounds pretty likely." He choked out a breath and doubled over. "Holy shit," he gasped. "I can't do this. I can't have a kid, Stefan. And I am freaking out, because I probably am. I'm about to walk into Elena's apartment, hand her a bag of pregnancy tests, and find out that I'm having a kid. I'm then going to want to freak the fuck out, but I can't. Do you understand why I can't do that? She is going to panic. She is going to look at that pregnancy test and panic, which means that I cannot panic, but every fiber of my being is going to want to panic. So, I need your literature loving, way with words bullshit right now and for you to say something, _anything_, to make sure that I don't panic."

"Holy shit."

He squeezed his phone tightly in his hand. "Not working!"

"Okay, um, well—" Stefan fumbled around like this for a few more moments before finally saying, "This is not the end of the world."

"Really? Because it sure fucking feels like it, Stefan!"

"You are 28 years old and financially secure. Yes, this year has been rough, but you have your life together. You are perfectly capable of having a child. I know that you stopped thinking about it after Katherine, but your life can handle one just as easily now as it could then. These things happen."

"When you're 16! They happen when you're 16!"

"You let Elena talk you into way too much MTV."

"Shut up, Stefan!"

"Okay, listen to me!" Stefan barked, his voice serious but also weirdly calm despite the rise in volume. "You are going to calm down, walk into that apartment, and not freak out. You are not going to tell Elena that you can't do this. You are not going to walk out. You are not going to start a fight. Because as scared as you are, she is 22 years old. She is 22 and as unprepared for this as you are. So you are going to go into that apartment and tell her that everything is going to be fine. You are going to hold her hand, wipe her tears, or whatever it is she needs you to do because like it or not, you're supposed to be the real adult in this situation. She's going to need you to know what to do, and you're going to know what to do. You know why?"

"Why?" he choked out.

"Because if she's pregnant, that's your child Damon. Every fear doesn't matter, because it's _your child_."

The words reverberated through Damon's head like a loud echo. _His child_. Whether he planned it or not, he'd very likely created something with Elena, a person. He had to figure out a way to get it all together, because she needed him right now – that child needed him.

"Okay," he sighed. He straightened back up and loosened his grip on his phone. "I can do this."

He could do this.

"Call me later."

Damon disconnected the call, squared his shoulders, lifted his head and strode into Elena's building. His insides were churning with the burning desire to be sick, but he pushed it down, forcing the fear to the very darkest corners of his mind. Stefan was right; he had to do this. Because, no matter how scared he was, Elena was even more scared. She was going to be looking to him for the answers and he had to figure them out. He had to find some infinite wisdom inside of him that he supposedly possessed because he was almost 30, and he had to stay calm.

Her apartment was silent as he entered it for the second time that night, this time with more fear in his heart than he ever knew possible. She was still lying in her bed, frozen in the same spot she'd been in when he left, her eyes glued to the ceiling. She made no move to look at him when he slowly sat down on the bed. With gentleness he didn't know he had, he brushed his fingers over her forehead, brushing her hair to the side. "Hey, I've got the tests." She reached up and grabbed the bag that he was holding in his hands, but made no move to sit up. "Elena, you have to take the test."

"I know," she whispered.

"I'm going to be right out here. I'm not going anywhere." A silent tear slipped from her wide eye. "It's going to be fine."

With considerable effort, she pushed herself up on the bed. He stood up and held his arm out to her, which she used to move to her feet. Her knuckle was white from gripping the plastic bag so tightly in her hands, and he could feel her fingers trembling in his hand. "Okay." He didn't know if she was saying it to him or herself, maybe even the air, but he squeezed her hand before dropping it for her to disappear into her bathroom.

He collapsed onto her bed and buried his head in his hands. This was it. This was the moment that defined everything. How was it possible that some plastic stick was going to set the course for the rest of his life? How did that even happen?

That was the question he pondered for the next twenty minutes. He knew she should have an answer by now, but he hadn't moved to see what was taking so long. The longer he sat on this bed, his contemplations were just that, contemplations. They weren't fact and they weren't real. The second that bathroom door opened though, it was all very real.

When 30 minutes came and went, he forced his body off of the bed, not ready to see the answer, but ready to know something. He knocked softly on the door and called out, "Elena?" When he received no response, he tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. "I'm coming in." He still received no response as he opened the door to find Elena sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, and her arms wrapped tightly around her knees that were pulled to her chest. Her eyes were glazed over as she stared straight ahead, not daring to glance up at the test that was siting on the counter. "Have you looked?"

The panic stricken look on her face told him more than any test ever could. He didn't need to look or be told of the results; he knew.

She was pregnant.

She remained frozen on the floor, saying nothing, and as he stared down at her, he was struck with the feeling of overwhelming protectiveness. She did not look like the happy 22-year-old that he'd come to know over the past several months. In this moment, she looked like a scared girl who wanted nothing more than to be held by her mother and be told that everything was going to be okay.

He knew, in that instant that, no matter what answer was on that test, he was going to do everything in his power to protect her. He didn't care what it took or how scared he was inside; he was going to take care of her because she needed him. She needed someone to give her comfort and strength, and he would be that person. He'd make sure of it.

"Just go away, Damon." These choked words from her only solidified his decision.

He joined her on the floor, their shoulders barely grazing each other as he stretched his legs out in front of him and looked over at her. "I'm not going to do that."

She turned to look at him, her eyes swirling with confusion amidst the crippling fear coursing through her body. "Why not? We both know this is the last thing you want."

"I want you to tell me what you want."

Her face crumbled at his words her last resolve finally breaking under the immense weight of the worry she was carrying. The tears fell from her eyes freely now and her entire body shook with loud sobs. He pulled her into his arms, allowing her body to curl against his, her face falling into his chest. "I want to not be pregnant," she cried. "I want it to not be real."

"I know," he whispered as he ran his hands through her hair and down her back, trying to bring her any small comfort that he could. He wished so desperately that he could make it better, that he could take that panicked look from her eyes, but he knew that wouldn't happen tonight or even the next night. They were both in this deeper than they'd ever imagined, and they were both scared, but he was going to be there. He was going to be by her side every step of the way, no matter what decision she made. "We're going to figure this out."


	14. Knocked Up

Author's Note: I'm back with another chapter! Man, I've kind of been on a roll with these. Thanks so much for all of the amazing reviews to the last chapter. I know I threw a huge curveball out there, but everything will be explained soon. This is a really long chapter, so maybe gather some snacks and beverages. There is a lot of ground to cover in this. I'll just kind of leave you all to it. Have fun!

**Chapter 13**

**I don't care what nobody says  
>We're gonna have a baby <strong>

Elena found herself being guided toward the bathroom, Beverly and her friend, Sarah, squeezing her between them as they wove through the crowd. After she'd sufficiently messed up her makeup by sobbing all over the bar, they had kindly pulled her from her stool, claiming she needed to get cleaned up.

Elena paid little attention to where she was walking, too lost in her own world of pain and regret. How had this happened to her? She and Damon used to be so strong. Things were never perfect, but in the beginning it felt like they could face anything, as long as they were together. Back when she'd first found out she was pregnant; he was the only thing that had gotten her through. He was the only thing she needed then. With him on her side, she felt like she would be okay. Her biggest mistake wasn't leaving for Chicago or even breaking his heart; it was that she stopped believing in him.

She stopped believing in them.

It seemed so impossible that this would be how they'd end up when she took him home to Mystic Falls with her. He had been her rock. He was always her rock. When he needed her in return, she'd failed him.

They led her into the brightly lit bathroom and stopped in front of the sink. Sarah grabbed her shoulders and turned her so she could get a good look at her face. "Okay, I think we just have a little mascara damage. That's a simple enough fix." Her comforting but positive attitude reminded her of Caroline, which only brought more tears to her eyes. She tried to hold them in as Sarah ran a wet towel over her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I'm such a mess."

"Honey, please," Sarah brushed it off like it was nothing, "If you haven't cried your eyes out over some boy in a public place, you haven't been living." She grabbed the concealer that Beverly had dug out of Elena's bag. "I did this last month in the middle of a basketball game. I was in a box at the Knicks for some work function when I started crying because one of the players for the other team had the same last name as my ex-boyfriend. I thought I was going to be fired the very next day."

"You really did that?"

"Yup, just ask Beverly."

When she looked over at Beverly for validation, the blonde smiled and nodded her head. "It's true. In fact, I think Sarah has cried in just about as many public places as you can cry in."

"I'm not normally like this, I promise," she insisted, but her words might have carried more merit if her words didn't slur ever so slightly. "Things just weren't supposed to turn out this way, you know?"

"If things turned out the way we planned, we'd miss out on the best things in life." Sarah passed the concealer back to Beverly after she'd blended some just under Elena's eyes before she continued. "Because those great memories, the ones we hold onto more than anything, are born out of something bad. It's why we appreciate them so much. If we didn't have to work for it and want it, it would be pointless."

"I wish I could believe that," Elena sighed. Years ago, she might have believed it, but she'd been so desperate to believe that good things were still going to happen even though her parents had been ripped away from her. Today, though, she didn't know how she could ever believe that something good was going to come from this. There would never be another man for her. How could she ever find any good in Damon being married to someone else?

"I know I'm being terribly nosy right now," Beverly interjected softly, "But what happened with you and Damon? If you love him this much, how did things go so wrong?"

Elena looked at the two inquisitive faces staring back at her, the answer on the tip of her tongue. Even though it had been three years since everything fell apart, it was still a story she never told. She could barely discuss it with Bonnie or Caroline. Yet, here she was, drunk and a mess in some gross airport bathroom, ready to just spill it all. It had all stayed bottled up for so long, scared that if she really let it out, she'd never stop. After all that had happened to her today though, she didn't know if she could hold it in any longer. She didn't know if she even wanted to try anymore.

She sighed and looked down at her hands that were fidgeting in front of her and quietly revealed, "I got pregnant."

* * *

><p>Sometime after Elena stopped crying, Damon had moved them to her bed, but unlike most nights, there were no soft kisses or tangled bodies. There was a world of distance between them that night, neither saying another word. Sleep never came for her that night and she suspected it had never come for Damon either. For hours, they remained like that, frozen and awake in bed, staring at the ceiling as the reality came crashing down on them. For Damon, the revelation had been out of left field, but for Elena, it had been something she'd subconsciously known for weeks, no matter how much she'd wanted to deny it.<p>

It had started a couple weeks ago with her breasts. One day, she'd gone to put on her bra and it just didn't fit right. It was all wrong, but she'd tried to brush it off, even when she noticed that they were more sensitive than ever. Some nights, she'd had to pull Damon's attention elsewhere because it had been too uncomfortable. Then, she'd missed her period. She'd been on birth control since she was seventeen and she started having sex with her high school boyfriend. In all of that time she'd never missed her period, not once. Yet, here she was, five years later, watching the days tick by without any sign of her monthly visitor.

It was slightly ironic when you thought about it. Every woman complained every single month about her period. Every woman pleaded to some higher power to just give her a reprieve. Yet, there she'd been, begging for it, longing for the aching cramps and bloated feeling. She didn't want to acknowledge what her missing period had meant. She had most certainly not wanted to add it in with her overly sensitive breasts. So, she'd buried it further in her brain, giving it no chance to grow.

Then the morning sickness had hit. Really, it was more of a sickness that lasted all day, but it had hit and it had hit hard. She began leaving Damon's before he could ever offer her any food and showing up too late for dinner. It was only when Caroline cornered her in a bathroom that the words had finally been uttered to her. Her best friend had invited her over to dinner one night and then forced her way into the bathroom when Elena had run off halfway through dinner.

"This is getting ridiculous," Caroline had said to her as she shut and locked the bathroom door behind her. "You may think you're so clever, but don't think I haven't figured this whole thing out."

She had been washing her mouth out and trying to build the courage to go back to dinner and too drained to want to deal with any of Caroline's dramatics. She also hadn't been ready to hear the truth, and she'd told Caroline that much when she kept pushing the subject.

"I don't know anything and you don't either, so just leave it alone," she'd snapped at her best friend.

"If I've figured it out, it's only a matter of time before Damon does. So, if you are what I think you are and what you know you are, you need to snap out of this. Being in denial isn't going to fix this."

She'd stormed out soon after that, too furious to stay for dinner, but Caroline hadn't let her leave without the parting warning that she had two days to take a test on her own or Caroline was going to follow her around for however long it took.

That had been three days ago, and when Caroline had shown up at the bar tonight, she'd spent five minutes practically reading her the riot act while Damon and Stefan were barely ten feet away. Things were tense, but when they'd joined the boys, Caroline had put it to the side, a good enough friend to not out her in the middle of work. Then, she'd gotten sick, and Caroline had started in on her again. Not only did she have to tell Damon cause he needed to know, but she had to tell him because if Stefan found out that Caroline had known and didn't say anything, he'd be furious. She figured she'd already messed with their marriage enough.

So, she went home, locked herself in the bathroom for far longer than she should have and tried to decide if Caroline was right. She'd been in such a heavy denial she still mostly believed she wasn't pregnant. Once she was in that bed and Damon touched her stomach though, it was like the glass was shattered. The truth had been there, she just didn't want to acknowledge it. Then, the test made it fact, not just something she knew.

"What are you thinking?" Elena whispered into the stark silence of her room, unable to weave her way through the thoughts racing through her brain any longer.

She received silence fore a few short moments before hearing his voice for the first time since she'd cried all over him in her bathroom. "Everything, nothing. How to figure this whole thing out."

"What's there to figure out? You don't want a child, Damon. You don't even want a relationship." She sighed and pushed herself up in her bed. She rested against her headboard and looked down at Damon's still laid out form on her bed. "Just because I'm—" she choked on the word, unable to force it out. "You don't owe me anything. This is your chance to just walk out."

He sat up now, turning in the bed so he could face her. His head was shaking back and forth as he tried to find the right words to say. "You're pregnant and it's my child. I'm not just going to walk away, Elena."

"Oh god." Her chest constricted painfully at his words and the tears she thought she'd finished shedding in the early hours of the morning came pouring down her cheeks again. "Don't say that word. Please don't say that word."

"What?" he demanded softly. "Child, pregnant?" He stared at her for several long moments before an agonized look crossed his face. He swallowed deeply as he continued to stare at her like a realization was suddenly dawning on him. "Do you not want to keep it?"

"I'm 22 years old, Damon!" she cried out. "I work in a bar and I live in an apartment the size of your closet. I haven't even decided if I want to go to graduate school yet. How am I supposed to have a baby?"

"Do you need money?" he asked her quietly. "This is my responsibility too." He let out a strangled breath. "Tell me what you want Elena."

"I know that my life isn't stable, and that I don't have anything figured out, but I don't know how to get rid of it, Damon." Her voice was choked with fear and agony as his hands fidgeted nervously on his lap, anxious to reach out and touch her. "I mean, how do I do that? This is a person." Her wide and pleading eyes finally met his, imploring him for some great sense of wisdom. "How do I just get rid of it?"

"You don't have to, Elena." Unable to stop himself any longer, he grabbed her hand in his. "We both did this. I'm not just going to walk away."

His words painted a pretty picture, but she knew better. She'd heard everything he'd said over the past few months. "Give it up, Damon." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "We both know that you don't want a kid. This is the last thing you want."

"How would you know if I want a kid or not?" He couldn't bite back the frustration that slid into his voice. "You've never asked me."

"Oh come on, we both know you don't want to be a father."

"I'm not the 22-year-old here, Elena. I was married for 3 years. Kids were part of that equation for me." Her head snapped back at his small outburst, and she could see the remorse shade his features. "Look, I'm sorry," he apologized, his voice softening again. "Yes, it's true, I stopped thinking about having kids after Katherine, but that doesn't mean I didn't want them at one time or that I can't be on board with that again. I know that you're scared, but I'm here."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She sounded so genuinely perplexed that he couldn't hide the small smile that forms on his lips.

"I know," he groaned, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "You're just such a horrible person. I can't believe I even associate with you."

A part of Elena wanted so desperately to fall into that easy banter they had. He was giving her an out here, a chance to put this off for just a few more hours, but she couldn't do that. She'd put this off for long enough. Burying her head in the sand obviously hadn't gotten her anywhere. She was still pregnant and scared. No, she wasn't just scared; she was petrified. If there was one thing she knew it was that she could not do this by herself. She couldn't be a single mother.

Without Damon, she'd be completely alone. She didn't have family to fall back on. Her parents were dead; there was no home to go home to. Her Aunt Jenna still lived in her childhood home, but she was married now and probably going to start her own family. Her brother Jeremy was in college in Georgia. It was just her and this baby if Damon walked away and she could not do that.

"Damon," she whispered hoarsely. The tears burned in her eyes when she looked at him and sadly shook her head. "You're saying all the right things and you're being absolutely amazing right now, but what if you change your mind? You can just walk away, no consequences, and I can't do that. I'll be completely alone and I can't do that. I don't know how to be a mom." A sob bubbled up from the back of her throat at the painful revelation.

Knowing she was pregnant only brought back the very real feeling of emptiness she still felt in regards to the loss of her parents. Her parents had died so suddenly that there had been so many things she'd never asked. No child ever expected to lose a parent, much less both parents, at 17 years old. If she'd known her mother would be gone so soon, she would have done so many things differently. She hadn't known though, and she'd never get the chance to undo it all.

Right now, she wanted to go home and cry in her mother's arms. She needed her mom to make it better. She needed her mom to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She needed her mom to tell her that she could do this. She just needed her mom.

"Hey," Damon reached out and grabbed her face in his hands, "Look at me." She sniffled loudly, but lifted her eyes nonetheless. "I get it, you're scared to death. _I get it_. I'm scared here too, but I'm not going to walk away. I'm in this, Elena—all the way. It's you and me here."

"But—"

"But nothing," he quickly cut her off. "You are not alone. You're not doing this alone."

He made such a convincing argument that she wanted to latch onto and never let go. Yet, there was still a nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that it wasn't that simple. They were friends who had sex; that was it. A child was never going to be in the plans for them but because of some cosmic screw-up, she was pregnant by a guy who practically broke out in hives at the word boyfriend. She couldn't just silence that.

"We barely know each other. How are we supposed to raise a child together?"

"What do you mean we don't know each other? We've been friends for months; we know plenty."

"I don't even know what you do. I don't know your middle name. I've never met your father. We never discuss the fact that you were married for three years. We don't really talk about anything and you know it."

"Fine," he shrugged, giving in far quicker than she'd thought he would. He moved around on her bed so he could rest comfortably against her headboard and stretch his legs out in front of him. "I handle accounts at the advertising agency my father owns. My middle name is Cristiano. You haven't met my dad because I actually enjoy having sex with you. And we don't talk about Katherine because there's nothing to discuss. My marriage didn't work out; it's not exactly newsworthy. Anything else you'd like to know?"

"Oh don't act like you're some fountain of information and I just haven't tapped into it." She snapped at him before she could help herself. He was taking the fact that she's scared and had no plan and using it against her to try and get her to move in with him, even though there was absolutely no reason that he would ever offer if she were not currently carrying his child.

"What do you want from me, Elena?" He snapped right back at her. "I didn't exactly plan this either. I'm barely divorced and still recovering from the fact that my ex-wife just took me to the cleaners for twenty million dollars! This is happening, though, and I'm trying to figure out how to handle this situation, even though you obviously thought that the last thing I was ever going to do is step up to the plate and take care of my responsibilities. And you know what? I don't regret this situation that we're in. You're carrying my child! How can I do anything but want to make this better for you?"

She felt a tear slide down her cheek at his revelation. "You really mean that?"

"Yes," he said to her as he wiped the tear away with his thumb. "You drive me kind of crazy, and this is going to mean that I'm going to have to see a lot more of Caroline, but I wouldn't want this to be anyone else but you. You're not some one-night stand that I thought I was never going to see again. I know we were just having fun and I genuinely do not want to get married or fall in love ever again, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

Elena's breath caught in her throat as she heard Damon voice the words she'd spent weeks longing for. She had known she'd gotten in far over her head with him, but she'd still hoped that maybe he'd possibly care for her. She'd known it was a foolish hope, but it hadn't stopped her. Now, looking into his eyes that were so open and honest, she found herself wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. "I care about you too."

She allowed herself to revel in the feeling of overwhelming comfort as his arms slid around her body and he held her to him. That fear was still rushing through her veins, but as she settled against him, surrounded in his scent, it alleviated some of the crippling pain. If she had him, she could find a way to do this.

By the grace of some higher power, she remained calm for another week. She powered through the morning sickness that was in full force now. She'd thrown away her birth control pills, with only a slightly bitter "liars" falling from her mouth as she dropped the pills in her trash. However, this all came crashing to a sudden halt when she saw the approaching sign for Mystic Falls, Virginia.

"Tell me again why the whole gang had to tag along?" Damon questioned as he sped into her sleepy hometown, the rest of her friends in the car behind them. It had been his one demand once he found out they were coming on the trip: two separate cars, and he did not share with Caroline. "I thought we were supposed to do this whole thing alone."

"Ask Caroline; she's the one who insisted everyone come. I think she said something about us all needing time out of the city."

"Well why did she have to pick this weekend? Couldn't we do it at another time when we're not telling your aunt and your brother that you got knocked up out of wedlock?"

"Calm down, nobody is going to come after you with a shotgun."

"This is the South, you never know."

"We don't even own a shotgun." He'd been making these jokes ever since they decided she should tell her family in person that she was pregnant. For days, he'd been joking about shotgun weddings and how she was going to be shunned from town. It had made it painfully obvious he had no earthly idea what the South was actually like. It wasn't really that surprising, seeing as he'd grown up in New York City and had only left to go to college at Yale.

"So, what am I in for with your family? Will your brother try and beat me up? Is your aunt going to come after me with a butcher's knife?"

Elena sighed and thought about how best to describe what he was probably walking into with her family. Honestly, he was probably worried about nothing. Jenna might cry, but she wasn't expecting any violence. However, the closer the got to the home she'd spent eighteen years in, the more nervous she got. What if she was wrong and they did go crazy? What if they didn't just go crazy, but they were disappointed as well? She knew it was a possibility, but she didn't know if she could handle it if her Aunt Jenna was disappointed in her. She'd had two teenagers thrust upon her when she was still just in graduate school and she'd always worried that she'd failed because she'd never be able to live up to the mother her sister had been.

"Just charm Aunt Jenna, she'll melt. As for my brother, play video games with him and he'd probably let you murder me." She had no worries that they'd be fine with Damon; he wasn't who they'd known for over two decades, she was. If they were going to have a problem with anyone, it would be her.

"Hey," he switched his other hand to the steering wheel and reached out to snag one of her fidgeting hands into his, "Everything will be fine. Just keep telling yourself that it could be worse. We could be telling my father today."

Elena gasped and tried to pull her hand from Damon's grasp, but he tightened his fingers around hers. "Crappy pep talk, Damon."

"You're going to be fine. History dictates that the family of the girl always blames the boy. If anyone is getting roasted, it's going to be me."

"No one is going to roast you," she insisted. "Besides, if they killed you, who would help me raise this baby?"

He turned to briefly look at her and smile. "Remember that argument when your brother comes after me."

Elena spent the remainder of the car ride pointing out some of her favorite spots in her town and various memories she had. When she informed him that she had been a cheerleader during high school his face lit up like the fourth of July as he asked if she still had her old cheerleading uniform. It was a question he didn't let up on until they pulled up in front of her house.

"Oh my god, Damon!" she groaned as she climbed out of the car. "Give it a rest. I don't even think I still have it."

"Have what?" Caroline came bouncing over to Elena, a bright smile on her face.

"My old cheerleading uniform," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Cheerleading uniform?" Stefan seemed to significantly perk up at the mention of uniforms.

Caroline twined her arms around Stefan's waist. "Don't worry, I still have mine at home. If you're nice, I might show you why they made me captain." She nuzzled her face into neck as Damon gagged and Bonnie groaned from behind them.

"Elena?" The front door to her childhood home flew open and Jenna appeared on the front porch. "What are you doing here?" Her aunt looked confused as she came down the steps to a lawn full of guests she hadn't been expecting. "What is this?"

Elena shrugged nervously. "Surprise?"

This was all it took to send her Aunt Jenna across the yard and into Elena's arms. It was a bone-crushing hug, trying to decipher the words pouring out of her aunt's mouth. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" she asked when she finally pulled away, but only enough to look at Elena.

"I knew Jeremy would be in town for the weekend, so I thought I'd come surprise you. Everyone else just kind of tagged along."

Jenna looked at the five people scattered in her driveway. "I know Bonnie and Caroline, but who are the other two?"

Elena turned to look at the Salvatore brothers, standing next to each other with identical looks of apprehension on their faces. "That is Stefan, Caroline's husband."

He smiled and stepped forward to shake Jenna's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Ah," she smiled, her eyes swinging over to Caroline. "So you really did find someone that could handle you. I thought it was just a joke."

"Haha, Jenna," Caroline deadpanned, but hopped over to give her a hug nonetheless. "Had to tie him down while he was willing."

When Jenna and Caroline parted, Elena motioned back to Damon. "Aunt Jenna, this is Damon, he's Stefan's brother." She looked back at Damon, confusion swirling in her gaze as she struggled with how else to define him. She didn't think now would be the appropriate time to drop the bomb that she was pregnant. "Yup, just Stefan's brother."

Damon unveiled the charming smile that was a force to be reckoned with in New York City, and as she watched her aunt's eyes widen, she knew that in Mystic Falls, it would simply be kryptonite. No woman would stand a chance against it. "Pleasure to meet you." He kept his eyes fully trained on her aunt while he lifted her hand and placed a kiss on the back of her knuckles.

For several moments, Jenna was only able to supply unintelligible noises from the back of her throat. When Elena was about to reach out and close her aunt's mouth for her, she managed to salvage a little bit of her dignity and choke out, "Nice to meet you too."

"Alright, let's go inside," Elena interjected. "I want to see Jeremy."

"That's if he's even up. It is only eleven."

Damon went to the trunk of the car to retrieve his and Elena's suitcases. When her aunt headed back toward the house, deep in conversation with Bonnie, Elena moved to his side. "You couldn't have toned it down a little bit?"

"Look who's talking." He raised an eyebrow and accelerated his voice to an unnaturally high pitch. "Yup, just Stefan's brother." After his poor imitation of her, his voice returned to normal. "You're just a smooth operator."

"Well what was I supposed to say?" she demanded quietly. "Was I supposed to just blurt out that you're my baby's daddy?" She cringed at the words.

Damon slammed shut the trunk of the car and slung Elena's bag over his shoulder before pulling his own behind him. "You could say we're dating. At least make it look a little classier than getting knocked up by some guy you're sleeping with."

"I don't think you being my boyfriend would really help the situation. Any way you slice it, I'm still going to be 22 and pregnant out of wedlock, with no chance of a ring on my finger. The rest is semantics at that point."

He came up short just outside her front door, a serious expression on his face. "Do you want me to propose?"

Her eyes nearly detached from her body as she gaped at him. "What? No! Why would you ask that?"

"You mentioned it."

"We're not saying we're engaged and you're not proposing because I'm pregnant. Okay?"

"Elena, he's awake!" When Jenna called to them from somewhere inside the house, Elena decided to table the current conversation. She did not have the mental capacity to comprehend what he was saying.

"No more talk of proposals, got it?" she questioned, before they entered her house.

"If you say so."

The remainder of the morning passed in a whirl of introductions and catching up with everything that had happened in the past few months. Well, everything except for one very major detail. Sometime after lunch, Stefan, Caroline, and Bonnie left to go get situated where they would be staying for the weekend and return for dinner. Jenna had insisted that she would cook for everyone, or that her husband would at least. Logan Fell had left shortly after her friends to go pick up enough food for everyone from the grocery store. Jeremy had hit it off perfectly with Damon after they got down to some overly violent game on his Xbox, leaving Jenna and Elena to their own devices in the kitchen.

Elena was helping Jenna prepare something for dessert, which translated into Elena doing most of the preparing while Jenna went about pulling together all the alcohol that would be needed for tonight. She set a bottle of wine down on the counter and looked at Elena. "So, just Stefan's brother, huh?" There was a teasing smile on her face, letting Elena know that she hadn't been fooled in the slightest.

Elena sighed and set the whisk down in the large mixing bowl. "What gave it away?"

Jenna rolled her amusement-filled eyes. "I don't know, maybe his bag ending up in your room even though his brother is staying with Caroline. The way his hand seems to always drift far too low for anything platonic. You've barely taken your eyes off of him since you got here. Should I continue?"

"Okay, so we're more than just friends. You caught us."

"Were you really trying to hide it?"

She shrugged her shoulders before lifting the whisk again. "I guess not." She looked out to the living room at Damon and Jeremy thoroughly engrossed with the game on the television. She laughed quietly as she listened to Jeremy tell Damon he needed to look into bifocals. "So, what do you think of him?" she asked her Aunt Jenna.

Jenna turned to look at him and then looked back at Elena. "He's hot," she acknowledged with a lewd grin. "It's also easy to tell that he really likes you. I'd be careful though. You did just get out of a really long relationship."

Elena stiffened at the warning. If only Jenna knew how late that bit of advice was. She was so far beyond careful that she'd never see it again. She could open her mouth and tell Jenna right now what was going on, why they were really here. This was her chance, while everyone else was gone. Yet, as she opened her mouth to try and form the words, any words, they wouldn't come out. There was no easy way to tell her aunt that she was pregnant. She simply didn't know how to do it.

Although, Caroline seemed to be of a differing opinion when she arrived back at the Gilbert house at 5:00. "What do you mean you haven't told her? That's why we all left, Elena. You were supposed to tell her." To Caroline, it was supposed to be the easiest thing in the world. It wasn't surprising really, she had no filter and threw out more information in a two-minute timespan than most could convey in an entire hour.

"I didn't know what to say!" she whispered as she tugged Caroline toward the downstairs bathroom. "That's not exactly something you just blurt out."

"It's how you told Damon."

"Fine, if it's so easy then, why don't you tell her?" she bit out.

"Okay." Caroline shrugged and grabbed the bathroom doorknob, but Elena ripped her hand from it before she could turn it. "What?"

"I wasn't being serious!"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "I know that." She sighed and her posture relaxed. Elena knew she was being short with her friend, but she was scared. It had been one thing to decide to tell her aunt in person, but now that she was faced with the reality of it all, it was completely different. Her best friend knew it too. "I know you're scared, but you have to tell her. The longer you put this off, the worse it will be. If you spend the whole weekend here without saying anything, she'll just get mad."

"But what if she gets mad anyway?" she asked quietly.

"It's not like you're in high school, Elena. You're 22 and have a college degree. She may be confused at first, but she'll understand."

Elena wasn't so sure if she would. When she came home for Christmas, she'd had many talks with her aunt about the demise of her relationship with Matt. One of the main things they'd discussed was how she was not ready for marriage or children yet. Not even six months had passed since then, but here she was, pregnant by some guy that Jenna didn't even know. Would she really be able to get Jenna to understand the situation she'd found herself in? She still didn't believe it unless she was hunched over a toilet and emptying the contents of her stomach into it.

Caroline was right though, she had to tell her and she had to tell her soon. She just needed to figure out how.

"I'll tell her during dessert. She'll be a few glasses of wine in, so that should be a good point."

Dessert came and went without any fireworks. She tried to tell her, she really did, but she hadn't been able to find the words. Caroline had been more than happy to aid her through dinner, giving far more lead-ins for the news than was subtle. The blonde had a mission now, and it was to get Elena to spill the beans that she was pregnant. It was a battle of the wills as Elena glared at her friend, refusing to take the bait.

Everyone was gathered in the living room when Caroline came bounding down the stairs sometime after dinner. "Let's play Pictionary!" Most occupants of the living room groaned as Caroline bounced into the room with one of Jeremy's large drawing easels in her arms.

"I haven't played this game since my bachelorette party, this could be fun. Although, significantly less dirty." Jenna, with a full bottle of wine swimming through her veins, smiled brightly, up for anything. "I call Jeremy's team!"

"No!" Elena shouted. "I call Jeremy's team!"

"No way!" Bonnie interjected, rising from the floor. "You had him last time while I was stuck with Caroline! _I_ call Jeremy's team!"

"Hey!" Caroline shouted. "I resent that!" She stepped away from the easel and planted her hands firmly on her hips. "For that, I get Jeremy." She smiled smugly and went to sit next to him, but Bonnie jerked her away before she could sit down.

"Nice try, Blondie! Not even gonna happen."

"Hey, Damon's the only one that can call me that. Watch it, B. Cause when I'm paired with Jeremy, I will make you pay."

"How about Jeremy calls his own team?" Jeremy offered from his spot on the floor.

"Nobody asked you, Jeremy!" Elena snapped, now on her feet and in front of Bonnie. "I had to let him sleep in my room until I was 10 because he was scared of monsters. He's on my team!"

"I've changed his dirty diapers!" Jenna exclaimed, joining the two friends in the middle of the living room.

This happened every time someone chose a game that involved any sort of drawing. No matter who Jeremy was paired with, he always won. He was going to an art school after all. They would all fight themselves in circles until someone finally decided that they would play Rock Paper Scissors to determine who would be paired with him. This time was no different, and fifteen minutes later, Bonnie was doing a victory dance around the living room. "You are all going down!" she shouted gleefully. She swung her pointed finger at all of them. "Be prepared to lose."

Damon and Stefan, who were sitting next to each other, identical looks of confusion on their faces. This was their first dose of a game night in the Gilbert residence and they looked like they'd entered the twilight zone. Damon looked at Stefan and held out his beer bottle. "Team?"

Stefan nodded gratefully and tapped his bottle against Damon's. "Team."

"Ha!" Caroline snorted, her eyebrows raised high on her forehead. Jenna had joined Logan in the chair they were sharing, curling up next to him and preparing herself for imminent defeat. Bonnie was sitting comfortably next to Jeremy on the floor a bright smile on her face. This left only Elena and Caroline to choose their team, but Caroline was having none of being paired with Elena. "You don't think I'm stupid do you?"

"No?" Stefan questioned warily, unsure of where this was going.

"If there's any team that would have a chance of beating Jeremy, it would be the two of you. You're with me, baby. Deal with it."

"They look petrified, Caroline. Let them choose their team," Logan spoke up for the first time during the whole debacle. "You and Elena will be fine."

"You don't get it," Caroline whined. "They're like telepathic; they'll kill all of us. I mean it. Stefan could draw a line and give one look and Damon would get it. It's not fair." She ended her tirade by stomping her foot petulantly on the floor.

Jenna leaned over the chair and hoisted up a bottle of wine. "Here, have another drink. You're on Elena's team; deal with it."

Caroline huffed and threw herself down at the end of the couch. "We are going to get slaughtered," she grumbled.

"We've been best friends since before we could even use a crayon. We can hold our own."

"We'll see about that."

As predicted, Damon and Stefan were slaying every team in the room. Not even Jeremy's art skills were able to pull him and Bonnie ahead in the game. Because, while he would get Bonnie's wrong most of the time, Damon and Stefan had gotten every single one right. It was true; they were telepathic. A fact that was proven as Stefan drew a poorly crafted car rammed into a tree.

"Carrie!" he shouted out. "Carrie! Carrie!"

"Yes!" Stefan pumped a fist in the air and then high-fived Damon.

"What?" the entire room exploded.

"What in the hell does that have to do with the movie Carrie?" Elena demanded from her spot next to Damon.

"I dated a girl named Carrie in high school and she wrecked my car."

"That's not fair!" Caroline whined. "You can't use inside jokes."

"You can't talk or spell things out. The rules of Pictionary say nothing of inside jokes." Damon smiled smugly at his sister-in-law. "Maybe if you could draw better."

"Whatever." Caroline rolled her eyes and pushed herself up from the couch. She grabbed the pen from Stefan and flipped to a fresh sheet of paper and Elena stared in dread as Caroline tried to think of what to draw. There had been one theme and one theme only with Caroline's choices: babies. It only took her a moment to think before she began to frantically draw on the sheet.

She began drawing what Elena realized was a bottle, causing everyone in the room to groan. "Another one?" Jeremy complained.

"I think she's trying to tell us something," Jenna said. "Or at least Stefan."

Stefan choked on his beer, his wide eyes darting to Damon. As Caroline began to draw a circle she couldn't take it anymore. Caroline was driving her crazy.

"I'm pregnant!" Elena blurted out. Damon's joking with Stefan came to an immediate halt and the room fell deathly quiet. Jenna, Logan, and Jeremy were stunned into silence, while Bonnie looked around nervously, not expecting the sudden turn the night had just taken.

Stoic, Jenna rose from the couch and looked directly at Elena. "You and me. Kitchen. Now." Scared, Elena swallowed thickly and looked helplessly at Damon. He moved to stand, but Jenna held her hand up toward him. "Not you, just Elena."

"I'm sorry," she whispered before standing and beginning the slow walk toward what felt like her imminent death.

She sat down at the island on one of the bar stools as she watched Jenna pace on the other side, a disillusioned expression on her face. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, struggling for where to begin. Jenna reacted like this every time she heard something from Elena or Jeremy that had surprised her. She struggled with how to handle these tough situations, even though she had been dealing with them for five years now. It was hard for her to strike the right balance between being the only parental figure in their lives and the aunt that was closer to their ages than she was to her own sister's age.

Finally, she stopped her pacing and pressed her hands on the countertop. "How did this happen? Do no tell me it was planned."

"I don't know," she answered meekly, unable to look into her aunt's eyes. "We were safe. We didn't plan any of this."

"Are you keeping it?"

Elena looked up now, tears burning in her eyes. "Yeah, I'm keeping it."

"God, Elena," Jenna choked out, tears now shining brightly in her eyes. "You're 22."

"Plenty of people younger than me have babies."

"But you're supposed to be married and stable." Jenna sadly shook her head. "Yes, you're not a teenager and you have your degree, but this is still going to be hard. Just a few months ago we were sitting in this very kitchen as you told me that you weren't ready for children and the serious things that Matt wanted. Nothing has changed since then. You haven't gone to grad school yet. You still work in the bar, and while it's a good job for a 22-year-old, it's not a job that a new mother can have. You can't work those hours with a newborn. And not to mention you're pregnant by a guy that I didn't even know about until today. How is that supposed to work?"

"I don't know," Elena admitted, embarrassed that she lacked so many answers for her aunt. Even though Damon knew she was pregnant and he was going to remain in the picture, they hadn't discussed the formalities of much of anything. It still felt like a dream most of the time, like if she just closed her eyes for long enough, when she opened them, she'd be in her bed, not pregnant. It was hard to discuss something she hadn't yet come to terms with.

"Well, you need to know." Jenna walked into the living room and returned a moment later with Damon trailing behind her. "Sit," she commanded simply and pointed to the empty barstool next to Elena. "Want to tell me why my 22-year-old niece is telling me she's pregnant when I didn't even know she'd met someone until you showed up on my doorstep today?"

Damon, although appearing on edge, remained calm as he rested his elbows on the counter and looked at Jenna. "The pregnancy came as a surprise to us too. We've only been together for a few months and this wasn't planned, but we're trying to figure things out."

"Both of you? Or are you planning to leave when things get tough?"

This question gave Damon pause, but only for a brief moment. "Both of us," he answered confidently. "Yes, this wasn't planned, but that doesn't mean I'm going to walk away."

"And you're ready to raise a baby?" she challenged.

"Yes, I'm 28 and I have a job that keeps me more than financially secure. I know that Elena is young, but I'm in a place with my life where I can raise a child. And as for Elena, whatever she needs, I'll help her out. She knows that."

"Okay," Jenna sighed, somewhat calmer, but not much. She motioned toward the hallway leading to the stairs. "I need to talk to Elena some more."

Damon nodded and rose from the chair. He turned to leave, but immediately twisted back to look at her aunt. "I know how this probably looks and you have no reason to trust me, but I care about your niece. She won't do this alone." After his parting words, Damon disappeared from the kitchen and could soon be heard walking up the stairs.

"Well, I can see why you fell for him." Jenna rounded the island and sat in Damon's vacated chair. "He certainly has a way with words. I just hope he means them."

She didn't say it, but Elena hoped he did too.

"I'm sorry, Aunt Jenna," she whispered brokenly. "I know you're probably disappointed."

Jenna reached out and placed her hand over Elena's clasped hands on the counter. "Sweetie, I'm not disappointed in you; I'm just disappointed for you. You're still so confused about what you want with your life, and I don't want a child to interfere with that. I just wanted you to have things a little more figured out before you became a mother."

Elena's lips quivered as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I'm scared." She looked at her aunt's hand on hers and then at her aunt. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a mom."

Jenna gave her hands a comforting squeeze. "I know, but nobody does, not really. You have to figure it out as you go."

"I miss my mom." The words came out as a strangled cry as she lost her battle to hold the tears in for any longer. "I need her to tell me what to do, but she's not here, and I'm so scared. I just want my mom."

Jenna pulled Elena into her arms and hugged her tightly. Her hands ran soothing circles over back. "I know you do." She continued to try to comfort Elena. "I know that you will figure this out. You can do this."

"But what if I can't?"

Her aunt pulled back now, but rested her hands firmly on Elena's arms. "You can," she insisted surely. "You have been through so much and I know that you can do this, even though I was a little hard on you." She smiled and gently brushed Elena's tears from her damp cheeks. "Besides, if you somehow royally mess it all up, Caroline will just steal your kid."

This did the trick of pulling a small laugh from Elena's mouth. "True," she admitted between giggles. "Although, she'd probably steal my kid no matter how good of a parenting job I do."

Jenna smiled amusedly. "You're probably right." The smile faltered for a moment as Jenna stared at Elena. She felt nervous underneath the scrutinizing gaze from her aunt. Finally, she shook her head and sighed, but it wasn't filled with despair or sadness. "I still remember when you were born. I can't believe you're going to have a baby."

"Preaching to the choir, Aunt Jenna."

"Well," Jenna clapped her hands on Elena's legs, "I think we've done enough soul searching tonight. You should head on up to bed. We'll talk more tomorrow."

Elena didn't know what they would discuss tomorrow, but she was happy that things had been mostly settled tonight. Telling Jenna, being able to confess her fears to someone that had known her for so long, had helped. It had lifted a small weight from her shoulders. She was still carrying around a two-ton weight, but it was lighter now than it had been when she'd arrived home. She would take what she could get.

Exhausted and emotionally drained, Elena climbed the stairs she'd climbed thousands of times throughout her life, her heavy feet guiding her toward her childhood bedroom. She rounded the stairs at the landing to go to her bedroom, but when she saw a small stream of light coming from beneath her brother's closed bedroom door, she decided to make one detour before bed.

Quietly, she knocked on the door and opened it after Jeremy told her to enter. He was sprawled out on his bed, his laptop on his legs. He looked up at her in the doorway, his eyes lingering for a moment too long on her still flat abdomen. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way."

"I'm sorry you've shattered my illusion that you were still a virgin." He smirked, trying to lighten the mood, but quickly grimaced, finding no real amusement in his joke. He closed his laptop and moved it to his nightstand. "Pregnant?"

Elena closed the door to his bedroom and crossed the distance to his bed. She reached down and hit his legs, forcing him to move his legs so she could lie on his bed. He remained silent as she fluffed two pillows behind her before stretching her legs out. "I still can't believe it."

"What are you gonna do?"

The corners of her mouth tugged upward. "That seems to be the million dollar question." With a sigh, she brought her hands to her stomach. "Truthfully? I have no idea. I haven't thought beyond keeping the baby."

"What about Damon? Is he going to help?" She nodded her head. "Do you trust him?"

Elena's eyes widened, taken aback by the question. Nobody had ever asked her if she trusted Damon. For months, she'd consistently heard that she shouldn't trust him, but no one asked whether she did. Honestly, she could see why she shouldn't trust him. Damon didn't have much to offer emotionally at this point. The scars were still so new from his divorce, and things could change on a dime. The rationality didn't have any sway on her feelings. She did trust him. Right now, she trusted him more than anyone.

"I do," she whispered. "I know he seems arrogant and like bad news, but he's a good guy. He's the only thing that's kept me calm through any of this."

If she hadn't had Damon this past week, she would have been a wreck. She wouldn't have been able to leave bed. Some moments, the fear was so crippling that she physically could not move. Then, his fingers would thread through her hair or she'd feel a whisper of a touch across her cheeks, and he'd look so deeply at her that she believed he was seeing into her soul. And when she thought she'd die from the sheer intensity of it all, he'd just breathe out her name and tell her that they were in it together. Everything would tilt back on its axis and the world would come alive again around her.

"For what it's worth, I don't think he's that bad. I had fun with him. Even if you did tell him to play video games with me."

Elena gasped. "He told you?"

"I'm a stoner, sis, not stupid."

She leaned forward and reached behind her back to grab one of the pillows she'd been using to swing it around and hit her brother in the chest. "Just because you're all creative and artsy, doesn't mean you have to embrace the stereotypes."

"Like you and your little friends didn't swipe my stash back in high school. You were a mini-stoner yourself, Elena."

"You are not allowed to repeat that to anyone!" she demanded. "I have a reputation you know."

Jeremy glanced down at her stomach and back at her face. "Yeah, I think that's shot to hell now."

"Asshole." Elena slapped her brother on his chest. "I liked you better when I could lock you in my closet and make you beg to come out until you cried."

"And you wonder why I turn to drugs."

Elena rolled her eyes, but laughed nonetheless, but it quickly turned into a yawn. "God, I'm tired." She was learning that exhaustion was another side effect of pregnancy. Well, according to Caroline it was. She hadn't exactly been roaming Google for pregnancy information. "I need to go to bed."

As she was climbing out of Jeremy's bed, he asked, "Should I put in my headphones?"

"Ew!" she squealed. "Don't ask me things like that."

"I'll put them in."

Elena leaned back over before she stood up and placed a quick kiss on her brother's cheek. "Love you, Jere."

"Love you too, sis."

She sighed and pushed herself to her feet, anxious to get some sleep. Instead of going back to the hallway, she used the bathroom she shared with her brother to get across to her room. When she opened the door, she found Damon lying on her bed in much of the same position Jeremy was on his; only he had his phone in his, his fingers flying rapidly over the keys.

He spotted her in the doorway and immediately sat up, dropping his phone beside him on the bed. "So, how did it go? Do I need to get a bulletproof vest?"

"No." She rolled her eyes. "After she got over the initial shock of it all, she calmed down. I think she's just really surprised."

"She can join the club," he mumbled. He looked her over, taking in her overall appearance. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "As okay as can be expected, I guess. I'm just really tired." She threw herself onto her bed with a loud sigh. "This pregnancy might kill me."

Damon leaned over her, a soft smile on his face. "But think of all the perks." One of his hands skimmed over her stomach and up to her breasts. He ran his thumb over one of her nipples until it pebbled beneath his touch. "I'm definitely on board with this side effect."

"Pervert," she giggled and halfheartedly shoved him away from her.

"Not a pervert," he corrected her, "Just looking on the bright side of things."

His phone beeped between them, signaling a new message. "Have you been working the whole time I was downstairs?" she questioned. "Isn't it a little late for that?"

"It's never too late for work," he insisted before a joyous expression flashed over his face. "That's not all I've been doing though."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow, disbelief at what he was claiming. "What else have you been doing then?"

In a flash, he was off her bed and walking toward her closet. She pushed herself onto her elbows to watch him. He opened her closet door and disappeared inside for a moment. "While you were giving the whole knocked up speech downstairs, I decided to snoop through your things. See how dirty your teenage self was." He chuckled from inside her closet, while fear crept up her spine at what he'd found during his investigation. He poked his head out from her closet, a purely devious loon on his face. "It took some digging, but I stumbled upon the motherload."

"Oh god" she groaned. "What did you find?" His arm shot out from the closet, his hand holding a hanger in his hand that held her old Mystic Falls High School cheerleading uniform. Her eyes widened in surprise as she began shaking her head. "Oh no."

He nodded his head. "Oh yes."

"I am not putting that on!"

"It doesn't matter if you don't put it on." He emerged from the closet and closed the door behind him, still holding the uniform like a pot of gold. "This is coming back to New York with us. We can't just let it go to waste in the back of your closet."

"I have not worn that since I was 16!" she exclaimed. "It probably doesn't even fit anymore."

He waved it in front of her. "There's only one way to find out."

She could not believe this was her life. She was 22 years old and pregnant by a guy that wasn't even her boyfriend. To make things crazier, she was sitting on her childhood bed, staring at said guy, as he tried to convince her to put on a cheerleading uniform she hadn't worn in years. Really, her only choice was to embrace it.

She sat up on the bed and gave him a pointed look. "No pictures, understood?"

His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at the thought of her really putting the uniform on. "You put this thing on and I'll agree to anything you want."

She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Anything?"

He eagerly nodded his head. "Anything."

With coordination she didn't know she had, she jumped from the bed, grabbing the uniform from his hand before her feet touched the floor, and skipped off toward the bathroom. "Those clothes better be on the floor by the time I get in here." As she was closing the door, she could see him already stripping off his shirt. Maybe coming home wasn't that bad after all.

Author's Note: If anyone read the first draft of this, ignore the stuff at the bottom, most of it is just old stuff that I didn't go with. I obviously need to learn to delete things I decide not to put in the story. I think there are two lines that even allude to anything happening in the story. My apologies.


	15. Dust Bowl Dance

**Chapter 14**

**Well, yes sir, yes sir, yes it was me**

**I know what I've done, cause I know what I've seen**

The penthouse was quiet as Damon continued to stare out the window, his hands shoved deeply in his pocket. Caroline was still in the bedroom feeding Sawyer, leaving Stefan and Alaric with the annoying task of staring at him like he was going to make a running jump for the window at any moment. His mind was on an intense overload, bombarding him with every moment he'd ever shared with Elena, the good and the bad.

When she knocked on that door, she turned everything upside down. It was a trait that only Elena possessed. With one look, she could tilt his entire world on its axis, either in sheer happiness, or agonizing despair. Even after all this time, she still held tight to that ability, and today she'd used it flawlessly. He was supposed to be preparing for his wedding, instead, he was frozen with thoughts of her racing through his mind, and nobody could make it better.

A knock sounded on the front door and Damon tensed with dread. The last time he'd heard a knock on that door it hadn't ended well; he wasn't looking forward to who it was this time. He turned around and watched as Stefan cautiously opened the door. The moment he saw his father standing on the other side, he knew he had reason to worry.

Stefan, like the idiot he was, opened the door wider for his father to enter. Giuseppe took a moment to look around the room and when his eyes landed on Damon he knew that his father knew that things weren't right. "Please tell me you're not having second thoughts," he sighed.

"What are you doing here?"

"You are, you're having second thoughts." His father rolled his eyes, making it clear how unhappy he was with the situation. "You're just never going to learn are you?"

"Learn what? How to be a gigantic asshole like you? No, I don't think I'll ever quite reach your level, but don't worry, I can always keep trying."

"You're never going to grow up," his father snapped at him. "You are almost 33 years old and you perpetually act like an emotion driven teenager."

"No, Dad!" he shouted. "I act like I'm not dead inside. I know that's a foreign concept to you, but it doesn't mean I haven't grown up. Believe it or not, I do handle my responsibilities, unlike you."

"I'd hardly relate your actions to anything remotely resembling maturity."

Damon groaned and shook his head. "Just leave. I don't want you here."

"You need to remember that you have obligations here, Damon. People are expecting you to get married today. You can't just back out."

"Who said I'm backing out?" he shouted. He looked to his brother for support. "Stefan, am I backing out of my wedding?"

Stefan, who was staring at the floor like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen in his life, finally glanced up to Damon and then to his father. With resignation, he shook his head and said, "No, he's planning on going through with the wedding."

"This is about Elena, isn't it?" his father scoffed and then grimaced. "You need to stop letting that girl mess with your head. She's a bartender for crying out loud. She's nothing."

"She hasn't been a bartender in years and you know it!" Damon exploded. "You don't know anything about what happened between me and Elena!"

"You need to learn how to let the past go, Damon. Elena was nothing but a phase where you decided to go slumming with a woman who spent her nights flirting with intoxicated men. You should have known better than to try and bring her into your world. She didn't fit."

Damon swallowed thickly. "You need to leave."

"Okay, I'll leave, but first, you need to get yourself together. Whatever is going on with you and Elena let it go. She's nothing and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can get on with the day. You're the one who decided to get married again, so you are going to go through with it. You will not embarrass me by standing a woman up at the altar. Do you hear me?"

Damon looked away from his father, unable to look at him anymore. "Yeah, I hear you, loud and clear.

"Good." His father ran his hands over his suit jacket, a calmer look on his face. "I will see you at the chapel. Stefan," he glanced to his younger son, "Do me a favor and make sure he shows up sober. He's embarrassed the family enough."

He stared at the floor until he heard the front door shut and Stefan and Alaric released a collective sigh. "You okay?" Stefan questioned.

"Fine," he bit out.

Stefan's feet appeared directly below his eyes. Slowly, he looked up to meet his brother's gaze. "I don't care what he said; you don't have to go through with this. Say the word and I'll call it off."

Damon pushed his brother out of the way and walked toward the hallway in the penthouse. "Just leave me alone, Stefan." He couldn't be around them right now. He needed to be alone.

* * *

><p>"Son, can I talk with you for a moment?" Damon looked up from a stack of papers on his desk to see his father standing just inside his office, a serious expression on his face.<p>

Even if he didn't look so serious, he would immediately know that it was something big. His father never came down to his office. For working in the same building as his father, he could surprisingly go weeks without ever even seeing him, something that worked very well for him. He and his father didn't have what could ever be mistaken as a close relationship. His father seemed to have perpetual disappointment for every decision Damon made, while Damon would never be able to truly let go of the man his father turned into when his mother died.

"Sure, take a seat." He sat up straighter in his chair as his father closed the door and came to sit down. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" he questioned sternly.

He stared at his father, his mind blank, as he tried to draw upon everything he'd done since the last time he saw his father. All of his business deals had gone fine in the past few weeks. He couldn't remember firing anyone or pissing anyone off more than usual.

And then it hit him.

"This isn't a business conversation is it?" he asked warily, already knowing the answer. At his father's nod, he released a slew of curse words in his head. "I'm gonna kill him," he grit out. Stefan was the only one that could have possibly told his father that he'd gotten Elena pregnant. It was the only explanation. "Well, since the cat's out of the bag. Congratulations, you're going to be a grandfather."

"So, she's keeping it?"

Damon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course his father would start off with that. "Yes, dad, she's keeping the baby."

"And you're sure that it's yours?"

"Well, she's not Katherine, so I'm gonna say yes." He couldn't keep the sarcastic comment inside of his own mouth.

"Still," his father shrugged. "It can't hurt to be sure. You never know with women nowadays."

"Dad," he leaned forward and looked his father square in the eyes. "It's my child."

He seemed to accept his and he relaxed back in the chair. "Okay, so then I'm correct to assume that you're going to be part of the child's life."

"That's the plan." If he had it his way, Elena would be already moved into his apartment, and he'd be a full time parent to his child.

"I want you to bring her over for dinner tonight. I'd like to meet the woman carrying my grandchild." His gut instinct was to say no. Bringing Elena to his home, to have dinner with his father, would be like sending her into the middle of a war. She was a tough girl, but subjecting her to an evening with his father was just cruel and unusual punishment, something he did not want to inflict upon the woman carrying his child. "The dinner is non-negotiable."

Knowing he had no other option he nodded his head. "Okay, we'll be there."

"Good," his said, but there was still an appraising look in his eyes. "What's her name?"

"Her name is Elena," he said cautiously.

"And her last name?"

Damon immediately tensed at the question, and he felt the intense need to protect Elena. "You don't need to know that."

"She's carrying my grandchild; I'd like to know her name."

Damon leaned forward, pointing a finger in his father's direction. "I'm not giving you her last name so that you can run a background check on her before you even meet her."

His father shrugged, looking like he had no idea why Damon would think such a thing, but Damon he knew better. He knew his father well enough to know that he wasn't just asking because he was curious. He was asking because he wanted to get as much information as he could about Elena before he met her. His father did not need to know anything about her that she did not want to share.

"Alright then," he sighed and raised to his feet, buttoning the jacket of his suit. "I will see you on Sunday." There are no congratulations to him about becoming a father, not even a smile; he just turned and left his office. He shouldn't expect anything else, though. His father never was the warm and fuzzy type. He wasn't even mild.

Knowing that he couldn't take his frustrations out on Elena, he picked up the phone and called his brother. Once he'd thoroughly chewed him out, he could call Elena and inform her of their dinner plans.

"Hey, Damon." Stefan answered after the second ring.

"I hope you've enjoyed married life, because I am going to come over to your house and fucking kill you."

"It slipped," Stefan immediately confessed. "We were having dinner and he made a comment that made me think he already knew. I'm sorry."

"You better be, because you're dead."

"Come on, it couldn't have gone that badly."

"He wanted me to take a paternity test, and that's after he asked if she was keeping it."

"Okay, so it could have gone better," Stefan admitted with a sigh.

"He's insisting that I bring her to dinner tonight. So, go see your lawyer, get your affairs in order, and have some sex with Caroline, cause knowing father like I do, it will not go well. And you are the one I am going to come murder when Elena tells me that I'm never to see my child."

"Elena won't do that and you know it."

"For your sake, you better hope so."

He hung up the phone and immediately fled his office. He couldn't tell Elena this over the phone, it had to be done in person. They already had plans to spend the evening together and discuss a few things about the baby, but he had a feeling that would not happen anymore. If he was lucky, she'd agree to let him see the child once a year. His father was going to absolutely rip her apart.

"Change of plans." Damon announced after Elena opened the door to her apartment. "We're not going out to dinner tonight."

"Why not?"

"Because, my brother, in all his infinite wisdom, told my dad you're pregnant. We have to go to his place for dinner tonight."

"Okay," she shrugged, unfazed by the sudden turn of events. "What should I wear?"

"Kevlar." Damon walked into Elena's bedroom and stood in front of her closet. "However, seeing as you don't have any, how about this?" He pulled a navy dress out and held it out in front of him.

"That won't be too nice?" she questioned nervously.

"My dad really likes blue." Damon's mother had eyes even more flawlessly blue than Damon's, and for as long as he could remember; his father had gravitated toward the color. Didn't matter the shade; he loved the color, especially after his mother passed. It probably wouldn't get Elena far, but it might give her a point or two. "Trust me."

Elena reached out and grabbed the dress from Damon's hand. She looked it over before sighing and setting it on her bed. "Okay, so what time do we have to be there?"

"Seven."

"I guess I need to hop in the shower then." She smiled as she closed the small distance between them and slid her arms around his neck. "See you at 6:30?"

"I'll be here." He tugged her hips against his and leaned down to capture her lips in a soft kiss. It was gentle and short, knowing they could not afford to get carried away, and too soon, they were parting with contented sighs. "Don't freak out."

She smiled and patted his shoulders gently. "Somehow, I think you're freaking out more than me. Parents love me. I'm awesome." She cringed and placed her hand on her flat abdomen. "Granted, I've never gotten pregnant by any other guy I've dated."

"If my dad doesn't fall in love with you, he has no taste at all." He rubbed a hand down her back and reluctantly stepped away. "I need to go handle a couple things with the office and then I will see you in a bit."

"Please don't be drunk," she pled with him as he exited her bedroom.

"I make no such promise," he called back.

"Asshole!"

He had no intentions of getting drunk before dinner with his father. He knew from previous experience that it never ended well. It was fun to annoy Elena with the possibility though. His real intentions were paying a visit to his darling baby brother. One, he needed to steal his hair gel, hit him where it really hurt. Two, he needed to know exactly what he was walking into with his father. He needed to know how his father reacted when Stefan dropped the bomb.

It was easy enough to find a taxi and soon he was casually entering a large lecture hall at NYU, where his brother was currently teaching an introductory literature class. A student who was sharing a thought with the class quickly fell silent and soon all eyes were on him. "Please, do not stop on my account." He found an empty seat in the front row and went about making himself comfortable. "I'm just here to observe Professor Salvatore, make sure nothing inappropriate is going on, especially in the way of student/teacher relationships." He turned to look at the class. "They are highly frowned upon here at NYU."

He glanced over to see his brother cringing as he leaned back against a table and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think I can safely say there are no inappropriate relationships going on here. I'm just trying to teach my class."

"No, I suppose you are right," he accepted easily. "If only I'd gotten here just a little bit sooner. Relationships between TAs and students are frowned upon as well."

"Well, I'm not a TA," Stefan snapped. "Now can I please continue on with my class?"

"The rules didn't exactly stop you when you were one. Remind me, Stefan, just how did you meet your wife again?" He rubbed at his forehead, making a show of trying to remember some lost detail in the back of his memory.

"Okay, class dismissed!" Stefan jumped forward and motioned that everyone could leave. "I will see you all on Wednesday. Just leave your papers on the table down in front."

Damon hopped to his feet and went to Stefan before too many students could start racing down the stairs, excited to be out of class early. "You didn't have to do that on my account."

"What are you doing here?" Stefan hissed. "I don't just barge into your job and ruin meetings."

"And you wouldn't, my job actually means something. You just talk about books that were written hundreds of years ago and still have the same meaning now that they've always had. I actually _do_ things."

Stefan continued to smile and say polite goodbyes to his students as they handed over their papers. "I already told you I was sorry. I didn't mean to say anything."

"Well sorry isn't going to cut it. Elena is under some delusion of grandeur that Father is just going to fall in love with her like we all have and welcome her with open arms. We both know that her welcoming dinner won't go anything like that."

Stefan's head darted over to look at Damon. "Like we've all what?" he sputtered out. "What do we all feel for Elena?"

Realizing his words, he snapped two fingers in his brother's face. "Figure of speech. Focus, Stefan."

"Yeah," he scoffed, "Cause I'm dropping that." He continued to accept papers from students now slowly filing out as he tried to stay focused on whatever argument it was they were about to get into.

"I picked out a nice dress for her to wear, but we both know that won't work. She's screwed. There's no way around it. Dad will hate her, and I will come straight for you after I have to spend my night trying to beg for the chance to know my child."

"For the last time," he groaned, "Elena would not do that to you."

A tall blonde stopped in front of Stefan to hand her paper over, but Damon reached forward and grabbed it from her. "You get an A." He winked flirtatiously at the young college coed, who giggled in response.

Stefan snatched the paper from Damon's hands and said, "He's about to have a child." The girl's face fell and she stumbled back before turning to flee the room. "See you on Wednesday, Lacey." He turned disgusted eyes on Damon. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Spare me the lecture." He roughly shoved Stefan. "That's for telling dad that Elena is pregnant. What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I thought he already knew!" he defended himself.

"Unless the words coming out of his mouth were "Damon is having a child", he didn't fucking know!"

"If you hadn't waited so long to tell him, you wouldn't be in this situation and you know it."

"And why the hell would I want to tell our dad that I'm going to have a child? We know how he's going to see this. He's going to see some 22-year-old bartender that looks like Katherine, who I'm not dating, but is now pregnant with my child. He's going to look at this the only way he knows how: money. How do you think he's going to react once he knows all of this?"

"You're right, he probably isn't going to welcome her with open arms, but I don't think he's going to outright insult her. She's going to be the mother of your child. That means something to him."

Damon felt a quick surge of anger rise within him. "What planet did you get dropped off from?" he snorted. "Children don't mean anything to dad. You want proof, look at us. He couldn't be bothered with you most of the time, and me, he spent all his time riding my ass into the ground, making sure I knew every single thing I did wrong. He also makes it very clear that nothing is ever going to be good enough for him."

"But he wasn't always like that," Stefan spoke quietly. He didn't hold the same anger with his father that Damon did. He'd taken something completely different away from his childhood. He may not like how his father sometimes behaved, but he didn't blame him. He was far more forgiving to their father than Damon would ever be. "He wasn't like that before mom died. You know that better than anyone. He was a good dad and then mom was gone, and I think he was just gone too."

"And how is that okay?" Damon snapped. "Yes, mom was dead and it sucked, trust me, it still sucks. He still had a life though. We were still just kids, Stefan. You see mom's death as the reason he is the way he is. I see it as an excuse, and a poor one at that. He was still supposed to be a parent. He was still supposed to be there for us, instead, he practically abandoned you and spent most of his time emotionally abusing me. He's not a good dad. He's not misunderstood. He's just a shitty person, and that's why I didn't tell him about this. Because for the first time in my life, this isn't going to be about me. It's going to be about a child that doesn't deserve what he will bring into its life. Mom might not have been able to protect us, but I will protect my child, even if I have to go through him."

"Okay, okay." Stefan held his hands up in a show of surrender. "I'm not the enemy here. You need to just calm down." He lowered his arms and took a step toward Damon. "If you walk into dad's fired up and ready for a fight, it will be bad. Just stay calm. If not for yourself, do it for Elena. She doesn't like confrontation and she won't understand it."

He eyed his brother skeptically. "What are you getting at?"

"From what I've gathered since I've known Care, Elena was always really close with her family. She had a really good relationship with her parents. She's not going to understand how you feel about dad and that your relationship with him has always been horrible. She'll probably think it's her fault." He took a deep breath. "So, just stay calm."

Damon groaned and rolled his eyes. Stefan had a point; he knew that. He'd only upset Elena if he got angry with his father. This situation was bigger than him. He needed to figure out how to keep the biting comments to a minimum tonight. It might be the roughest night of his life, but he needed to try.

"Okay," he finally acknowledged. "I'll try to stay calm."

"Good." Stefan released a small sigh of relief. He turned to the table behind him and began gathering all of the papers and placing them in his messenger bag. "And please do not ever show up in my class again."

"I don't know," Damon smirked, "You have some pretty hot students."

Stefan tossed his bag over his shoulder and turned to face Damon. "You know as well as I do that you're not serious about hitting on any of the girls in my class. You have gotten yourself in deep with Elena." He laughed quietly. "Leave it to you to do everything backwards."

"I'm not deep in anything. I am comfortably afloat in my sea of sex."

Stefan grimaced. "Please leave now."

"My pleasure." Damon reached out and punched Stefan lightly on his arm. "I think I'm coming down with a case of the book smarts. I feel icky."

Damon gladly left the large lecture hall and caught a cab outside of the building. He made it home in time to change and return to Elena's. When she opened the door dressed in the navy dress he'd picked out, he knew he'd made the right choice. She was simply breathtaking. Her hair was tied up in a simple ponytail, drawing all attention to the simple dress that accentuated her long legs. If his father didn't accept her into the family, especially since she would be the mother of his child, he didn't know if he would ever be able to look at him the same way ever again.

There was no way anybody could deny that Elena was simply one of the most flawless human beings on this planet. There wasn't a malicious bone in her body. She was kind and loving. Realizing he cared about her had been a scary revelation; especially since it came the same night he found out she was pregnant. As the days passed, the fear eased and he now realized that he'd never stood a chance. From the moment he met her, he was under her spell, and developing feelings for her had only been inevitable. He might still be scared about having a child and his ability to be a good father, but he had her. As scared as she was too, if they had each other, they'd be okay. He knew that.

"What?" Elena questioned self-consciously as they rode up the elevator to his father's floor. She nervously tugged at her dress and ran her hands over her face. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, trying to pull his mind back to the present moment. "No, you look perfect."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he insisted.

Now it was his turn to tug at his jacket and smooth back his hair. With each passing second, they were closer to the gates of hell. His childhood home did not hold the warm, happy memories like Elena's did. After his mother died, it was like a cold cloud settled over the penthouse. Everything seemed dark and depressing. There were no cozy meals around the table. There was no one to clean up any cuts or take care of injuries. He only had expectations that he had to meet, and agonizing consequences if he failed. Once his mother was gone, nobody ever told him that he was good enough for something, and that he would do better next time. He just had his dad and he was brutal.

For that, the first chance he got, he was out of the house and he never came back. In fact, the only reason he'd returned to New York was because Stefan was staying here. He loved his brother and couldn't imagine leaving him alone in the city. Then he'd started working for his father because it was what had been expected of him his whole life. It was only a welcome surprise that he enjoyed what he did and rarely had to interact with his father at the office. He'd become a master over the years at spending as little time with him as possible. Now, he was practically willingly walking into the lion's den and dragging Elena along with him. She wouldn't know how to adapt to this, to how things were in his family. She would be lost and confused and he wouldn't know how to make her understand.

"Stop fidgeting." Elena scolded Damon, pushing his hand away from his collar that was hanging open loosely. "You're making me nervous."

"You should be nervous."

"And stop saying things like that." He flinched when she slapped his shoulder. "I am actually nervous about your father meeting me for the very first time because I happen to be knocked up. This isn't exactly an ideal situation I'm walking into."

"Not to mention the fact that you can't even drink," he pointed out as the elevator doors open directly into his father's penthouse.

"And for that, you're not drinking either," she hissed at him.

His head turned comically toward her, his eyes wide. "You wouldn't dare." He didn't get drunk before showing up, she couldn't take his alcohol from him while here. He depended on that alcohol.

"Damon, come on in, son." A deep voice interrupted her threats of forbidding Damon from alcohol. "And introduce me to the woman carrying my grandchild."

Elena swallowed nervously as Damon's father's gaze settled on her, taking in the dress that Damon had picked out for her.

"Father," Damon greeted him tightly, his hand finding Elena's, trying to offer her some amount of support and gain some from her in return. "Just smile," he whispered at her as he walked her further into the penthouse. "Dad, this is Elena."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Salvatore." She extended out her free hand to shake his and followed Damon's instructions to smile.

"Please call me Giuseppe." He gripped her hand in a firm handshake, his gaze moving over to Damon. "Quite the resemblance to Katherine."

He could feel Elena flinch at the comparison between her and Katherine. "In looks only, dad, but hey, let's continue to insult Elena anyway. It should make this dinner that much better."

"No need to remain in the entryway the entire night. Sharon should be putting the salad on the table right about now. Elena, I do hope that lamb will be okay with you for dinner." Giuseppe ignored the snide comment from Damon, placing his attention back on her.

"Yes sir, lamb is fine." Damon hoped that she would be able to make it through dinner without getting sick. He was quickly learning that morning sickness was really a complete load of bullshit. Some days she spent most of her time in the bathroom. Whoever came up with the term "morning" in morning sickness needed to be hanged.

"Please tell me you were joking about the alcohol," Damon whispered to her when his father turned and began to guide them to the dining room.

"Yes," she sighed, rolling her eyes at his desperation. "But I swear, if you get drunk, I'm leaving you here."

"I'll do my best."

Dinner actually started out relatively peacefully with Damon remaining mostly silent, and Giuseppe asking general questions to try and get to know Elena better. He seemed perfectly calm and polite, and with growing dread, Damon could see Elena's guard lowering. His father was going to go in for the kill the moment he sensed it.

Before he had a chance, Elena's fork fell to the plate in a loud thud. He looked up to see her face drained of color and her eyes pleading with him from across the table. "Hallway, second door on the left." He immediately said to her, his finger pointing in the direction for her.

"I'm sorry," she rushed out a breathless apology as she slid her chair back across the hardwood floor and fled the dining room.

"Turns out morning sickness isn't really a morning thing," he tried his hand at the joke as Elena disappeared down the hallway.

His father turned to peer down the hallway before looking back at Damon. He casually set his fork down on his plate and leaned back in his seat, resting his elbows on the arms of the chair. "She seems," he paused for a moment, searching for a particular word. Finally, he sighed and coolly said, "Pleasant."

Warily, Damon lowered his fork to the plate and leaned back in his chair as well. "Just get it out, dad. Whatever it is you're thinking, just say it."

"What I'm thinking?" he questioned dubiously. "What are _you _thinking?"

"You're going to need to be a little more specific. I'm thinking a lot of things right now."

"She's a bartender, Damon," he said with palpable distaste. "You might as well have brought home a waitress. What were you thinking?"

Damon bitterly laughed at how utterly insulted his father sounded at the thought of Elena's profession. "She has a degree from Columbia. She's not exactly what I'd call pathetic."

"Well obviously that degree is being put to fabulous use as she ropes in rich men. How can you even be certain that it's your child?"

Damon leaned forward in his seat now, a determined look on his face. "You really want to know how I know it's my child?" When his father nodded, he shrugged and said, "Because I've spent practically every night with her since I started sleeping with her in December. And the nights she isn't with me, she's with Caroline, your _daughter-in-law_, and there's no way she'd be able to get away with lying about that without Stefan finding out. So, yes, I'm pretty damn sure it's my child."

"She is a bartender," his father repeated his earlier statement, with even more disgust laced in his voice than before.

"This is exactly why I didn't tell you about Elena being pregnant," Damon snapped at his father. "You don't even know her and you're already passing judgment on her. She is a good girl who plans to go back to graduate school soon. She only took time off to save up more money and figure things out."

Damon's words didn't sway his father's opinion in her favor. "Well now that she's pregnant with your child she won't have to."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. She's not after my money, dad. She's not Katherine. She's just a nice girl that has wound up in a situation she didn't plan for."

"Buy her off," his father cut in. "She's 22 and a bartender from Virginia. Call your lawyer, draw up a contract, and buy her off. Her asking price can't be any higher than Katherine's was. Surely she can't be interested in raising a kid."

A gasp sounded from the hallway and Damon's head shot up. Elena was standing at the end of the hallway, a stricken look on her face. His stomach dropped as she stared at them and he knew she'd heard every word. "Elena," he rushed over to her, his eyes wide and pleading. "You shouldn't have heard that."

"I'm sorry you had to hear that, Elena." Giuseppe stood from his chair at the head of the table and walks over toward her and Damon. "Surely you can understand my reservations about this situation, though."

"I'm not trying to trap, Damon," she choked out, obviously upset by his insinuations.

"And you sound sincere, you really do, but Damon has a reputation that is already struggling after his divorce. We simply cannot afford for it to be damaged any further. I think that we can all come to an acceptable compromise."

"She's a person, dad!" Damon exploded, turning angry eyes on his father. "She is going to be the mother of my child, _your_ grandchild! I'm not going to buy my child from her or pay her to disappear with it. Elena and I are in this together. End of story."

"Your reputation is hanging on by a thread because of your divorce that got dragged through the media. You have barely divorced Katherine and you already have another woman pregnant. It might not matter to you, but you work for my company. You will take over for me when I decide to step down. You have to have a better reputation than this."

"This is New York City, dad. We're not stuck in some hick town in the South from the 1950s. The country club has been rocked with far bigger scandals than me getting someone pregnant not long after my divorce. She's not a prostitute or a stripper; she has a respectable job that makes her decent money. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with her. And yeah, of course people are going to talk, but they will inevitably move onto something else to gossip about in a few weeks."

"You are my son, and the money that you are using to bankroll Elena and this child, is coming from me. That means I get a say in this. If you are serious about being parents together, then do the right thing. Move her in and get married. And do it quickly."

"We're leaving." He could practically see Elena's head spinning from everything happening right now. She looked like she'd entered the Twilight Zone and had no idea on how to get out. He pulled her toward the elevator, ignoring his father's shouts from behind him. He felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin as they waited for the doors to open and facilitate their escape. "I should have never brought you here." When the doors finally opened, he rushed in, tugging her behind him. "Of course he can't just be happy that I'm going to have a child. He has to insult everything about you, and then try and get me to make you disappear."

"Damon," she said his name softly, trying to get his attention, but he was too wound up. "It's okay."

"No, Elena, it's not." He turned to her, his eyes filling with some sense of desperation. "I don't agree with anything he said. I don't think you're trying to trap me. I don't want you to disappear. What I said last week, I meant it. I meant every word."

"Damon," she said his name more forcefully now, gripping his face in her hands, so he couldn't turn away. "I know." She took a step toward him so their faces were nearly touching. With her heels on she was able to see straight into his eyes. "Thank you for defending me."

He opened his mouth to respond to her, but she cut him off with a kiss. She pressed her mouth to his. It was a soft, gentle kiss, unlike any others that they'd ever shared. It was a kiss filled with a need within her to comfort him, to just be closer to him.

The elevator made a soft dinging noise as it came to a stop on the bottom floor, the doors opening to reveal an elderly couple waiting in the lobby. Embarrassed, Elena stepped back from Damon and tried to shade her blushing face with her hair.

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas," Damon greeted the smiling couple as Elena looked like she was waiting for the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"Damon," Mr. Thomas smiled warmly. "We haven't seen you around very much lately."

"I've been busy," Damon offered politely. "You know how the corporate world is. No time for much of anything."

"It seems you've found time for this beautiful young lady," Mrs. Thomas spoke up, smiling happily at Elena.

"Yes," Damon smiled, grabbing her hand in his, something that seemed to be becoming a habit. "This is Elena, my girlfriend."

Mrs. Thomas seemed to beam at the title that Damon used on Elena, while Elena's hand tensed in his.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, dear," Mrs. Thomas held out her hand, which Elena shook politely. "It's nice to see Damon moving on." Now it was Damon's turn to stiffen.

"Sheila," Mr. Thomas scolded her.

"Yes, well thankfully, that's over now," Damon told Mrs. Thomas, his smile now more forced. "It's been nice running into you. Hopefully, I'll see you both at the charity dinner for the children's hospital next month."

Brief goodbyes were offered, and soon Damon was leading her out of his father's building, out onto the cold streets of New York City. Damon decided he would take her back to his place for the night, figuring he owed her some sort of explanation about his father, and the chance to try and make things better.

"Why did you call me your girlfriend?" She asked him when they were only a couple of blocks away from his building.

"I was kissing you in the elevator, and everyone is about to find out you're pregnant. I figure it's probably best to call you my girlfriend."

She stopped in her tracks, tugging on Damon's hand when he kept walking forward. He stopped when he realized she wasn't walking anymore and turned to look at her. "But does that mean I'm your girlfriend?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Do you want it to mean that?"

"Do you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Well this conversation is getting us far." He sighed and stepped closer to her. "I'm kind of lost here, too. We've been sleeping together for months, and now we're going to have a baby. I don't know what to call us."

"I don't want you to call me your girlfriend just because I'm pregnant." She told him, her voice serious. "I only want you to call me your girlfriend if you want me to be your girlfriend."

People moved around them as they stood, silent in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at each other. Damon had more than made peace with the fact that he cared about Elena, but he hadn't allowed his thoughts to venture far beyond that. There was still so much baggage from his marriage and he was still wary of any serious relationship. Yet, she was pregnant and that meant everything.

"What if I tell you I want you to be my girlfriend?" he questioned.

"Will it be because I'm pregnant?"

"Partly, yes," he admitted honestly, not wanting to lie to her. "You getting pregnant is obviously going to make me want to make decisions that I might not have made otherwise. Either not right now or ones that I wouldn't have let myself make before. You are pregnant, though, and I owe it to you to see this through. I owe it to both of us."

"What does that mean?" she asked nervously, a small spark of hope in her eyes.

"It means that even before you got pregnant, I liked you. I like spending time with you, and just being around you, but if you weren't pregnant, I probably wouldn't have ever tried to take us anywhere else because I'd closed myself off to the idea of it. I don't think it would be fair for me to do that anymore." He lifted her other hand in his free one, holding his eyes steady with hers. "So, yes, I want you to be my girlfriend, with dates that go beyond our beds. I'd like to see where this goes."

"You really mean that?"

He smirked at her nervous voice. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't. That's one thing I can promise you, Elena. I'm not going to do or say something because it's what's right. I'm going to do what I want to do."

"Okay," she sighed, a soft smile lighting her face.

"Okay, so you'll be my girlfriend?" He cringed the moment the words were out of his mouth. "God, I sound 14."

"A swoon worthy 14-year-old," she pointed out, her smile widening.

"Good to know." He closed the distance and pressed his lips against hers, bringing his arms to wrap around her waist, pulling her against him.

He didn't care that they were standing on a crowded sidewalk in the cold winter of New York City. All he cared about was her body against his and the way they fit together in this moment. She might not know it, but she was changing him.


	16. History in the Making

Author's Note: Wow, this story is now over 100,000 words! I had to start a new Word Document cause Microsoft Word does not show a word count for over 100,000 words. I can't believe I've written that much. I just want to thank all of you who leave the amazing reviews that you do, because it's all of you that keep me inspired and let me know when I've made a mistake or what exactly needs to happen. I love hearing all of your thoughts, although I'm sad I have so many of you scared. Just hang tight for me.

So many of you have a very strong opinion about Giuseppe. I've talked about him with a lot of you who left reviews. I know he's a very intense man. I plan to give him some layers throughout the story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I'm just enjoying writing this story more and more. Can't wait to read your reviews!

**Chapter 15**

**This could be one of those memories  
><strong>**We want to hold onto, cling to  
><strong>**One we can't forget**

"I got pregnant." At Elena's whispered words she saw a look of confusion flood Sarah's face and a look of recognition then understanding pass over Beverly's.

"I remember," she quietly said.

"Remember what?" Sarah questioned.

Beverly looked at her friend and then back to Elena, eyes wide. "I'd forgotten about that."

"Not surprising. Damon's dad likes to keep a pretty tight control on things." When Giuseppe had found out she was pregnant, he'd begun treating everything like a PR campaign. He wanted to be known for his business capabilities, not what went on in his personal life. He saw Damon's impending fatherhood as a direct reflection upon him. And Elena, he'd seen her as the worst thing that could ever happen to his son.

From the moment he met her, he didn't like her, and that was long before she ever broke his son's heart. He loathed her now, a fact he made very clear to her each and every time he saw her. It had taken her a long time to realize it, and Damon still probably had no idea, but his father loved him. If anyone thought his treatment was bad because he simply disliked him or her, they should try being hated by him. She could say that Damon had come by his ruthlessness honestly.

Beverly nodded in understanding. "He is pretty harsh."

"Okay, I think most of New York City knows that Giuseppe is anything but warm and kind. Can we please move back to the pregnancy thing?" Sarah nearly pleaded. "Is that why everything went wrong?"

"Surprisingly, no." In the grand scheme of things, the pregnancy never hurt them. It was the decisions they made because of the pregnancy that haunted her. "Everything went from zero to 60 the second I saw that positive pregnancy test. It all happened so fast. One day, we were just having fun, then suddenly we were dating and he was asking me to move in with him. I had a hard time trusting that everything wasn't about the baby." She sighed and shook her head. "I should have just listened to him."

* * *

><p>Bonnie, Caroline, and Elena were huddled in the back corner of Elena's favorite bookstore, a pile of books spilled out in front of them. Bonnie tossed <em>What to Expect When You're Expecting<em> onto the floor, a disgusted cringe on her face. "I'm never having children," she groaned.

"So much positivity, Bonnie. I'm overwhelmed here," Elena deadpanned as she picked up another pregnancy book from the pile Caroline had collected.

It had been four days since the disastrous dinner with Damon's father. After that night, he hadn't wanted to talk about his father at all. She could see him slowly unraveling inside, but he wouldn't say anything. His father had become a topic that was completely off limits. Not that he'd ever really been an optional topic before. She tried letting him know that she didn't blame him and that his father's opinion wasn't changing anything, but he shut her down every time.

"You've got that look again," Caroline spoke up. "I'm telling you, the more you obsess about Giuseppe, the worse it's going to be."

"Easy for you to say, he loves you."

"He's confused by me. Throwing that man off of his game is enough to give him a grudging appreciation of you. Your problem is that you're too nice."

"So, because I'm a nice girl, that makes me trash?"

Caroline closed the book on her lap with a quiet thud and set it down beside her stretched out legs. "Okay, to understand why Giuseppe treated you the way he did, you need to understand him." She sighed and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "In the most twisted way possible, Damon is his pride and joy. He couldn't keep their mom alive, so he became obsessed with control, especially controlling Damon. He's planning on turning over his entire life to Damon, so the women he brings home get scrutinized far more than I did. Stefan always had things easier, and while he was rude to most of his girlfriends, it was never on the level that he acted toward women that Damon dated. Not to mention, he's still mad about the divorce, so you showing up pregnant happened at the worst possible time."

"It wasn't exactly perfect timing for me either," she mumbled.

"Giuseppe doesn't know that. Believe it or not, he doesn't want Damon to get hurt or for someone to take advantage of him. That's what he thinks happened with his marriage. He thinks Katherine took advantage of Damon and he hates that, but it also all gets lost in the fact that he thinks Damon allows it."

"Why can't he just see that he somehow managed to raise an amazing son? Damon isn't weak and he doesn't just allow things to happen. He didn't let Katherine take advantage of him; their marriage fell apart."

"Giuseppe doesn't really see the details of things. He's very black and white."

"It's just," Elena halted and looked out the large windows that spanned the front of the bookstore before looking back at Caroline and Bonnie. "His reaction really upset Damon. I think he just wanted his father to be excited that he was going to have a grandchild."

Caroline squeezed Elena's hand. "Just give him time. He'll come around once the baby is born."

"You think so?"

"It's a baby!" Caroline exclaimed happily. "Everyone loves babies. And how can you not with their chubby little cheeks, those adorable rolls of fat on their thighs, and then that heavenly scent of pure babiness? When they do that little sigh in their sleep, and wrap those tiny little fingers around just one of yours, you just can't hate a baby. It's impossible."

Bonnie and Elena glanced at each other and then back at Caroline. "Something you want to share with us here?"

Caroline's eyes widened comically. "What? No! I am not pregnant, and I am not getting pregnant. That is all on you, at least for the next few years. Stefan and I are just enjoying the rehearsals – many rehearsals, but definitely not trying for anything."

"You know, seeing as Giuseppe actually likes you, getting pregnant might take some of the heat off of Damon and me," she hedged carefully.

"Yes, let me just run that over with my husband. I can imagine the conversation now. _Hey babe, how about we get pregnant so Elena won't feel so ganged up on_. I believe his reply would be something along the lines of _I want a divorce_. Yeah, no thank you."

Elena shrugged her shoulders unapologetically. "Worth a shot."

"I think Damon taking a shot was what got you into this mess." She immediately tried to move out of the way of the flying book coming at her from Elena. "Just kidding."

The girls fell into a bout of laughter for several long moments until they received a pointed look from an employee. They quickly sobered and returned their attention back to the books they'd gathered. Elena was currently reading about what to expect week-by-week in her pregnancy and from what she gathered, the first trimester was basically going to suck. However, her libido was supposed to kick into high gear in her second trimester. That was a pregnancy symptom she could get behind. As of now, it was looking to be one of the only positive things coming from this pregnancy.

She was trying to get on board with everything and stay calm, but she still couldn't shake the thoughts that she was not ready for this. There were so many things she needed to do first, but she couldn't imagine any option other than keeping the child. One of the books had said that it would become more real when she heard the heartbeat for the first time. Maybe once she had tangible proof that there was a real, live person growing inside of her she would feel differently.

Thinking along the same lines of doctor's appointments, Caroline looked up from her book and questioned, "So, when are you going to the doctor?"

"Next week. They like you to be somewhere around eight weeks for your first appointment."

"So, you're seven weeks along?"

"I have to be. They did a pregnancy test before they diagnosed me with the stomach flu last month. From some research I've done, apparently throwing up can make your birth control null and void. The only thing I can think of is that all the throwing up messed with my birth control and pretty much left my eggs completely defenseless." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Thanks, birth control."

"Remind me to never have sex after I get sick," Bonnie said.

"Yeah, don't. Otherwise you end up knocked up by some guy you're not even dating and his father tries to buy your unborn child."

"You've got the pregnancy mood swings, don't you?" Caroline cringed.

Elena frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "I do not."

"Really?" Caroline raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Cause Damon told Stefan that you practically bit his head off last night when he suggested you move in."

"Well, he had it coming." And he did. She'd been exhausted after a long night at work and instead of silently massaging her feet like she'd wanted him to do, he had to try and coerce her into moving in with him. Sure, he wouldn't talk about his dad, but he couldn't drop the moving in idea. Apparently he'd been thinking about it since she got pregnant, but only decided to mention it after that dinner. "Why not live in sin?" he'd said; they were already having a child out of wedlock. The reasoning had not gone over well.

"Didn't you also yell at him because he forgot to get Captain Crunch at the grocery store?"

"I hate your husband," she grumbled.

"It's okay," Caroline smiled, completely unfazed by the anger, "I love him enough for the both of us."

So maybe Caroline did have a small point somewhere in that fashion-riddled brain of hers. Elena had been a little moodier than normal over the past week. Some days she was fine, and others, she'd be mad one minute and ecstatic the next. She could barley keep up with how she felt right now, and everyone else could forget trying to figure it out too.

"Elena," Bonnie began softly, "I know the pregnancy is unexpected, but you really don't sound happy about it at all."

Elena sighed, knowing that her friend was right. She wasn't exactly a beacon of light right now when the topic of her pregnancy came up. But how would they be acting if they were throwing up every day, couldn't wear a top that clung to their chest, and had the only living grandparent of the unborn child thinking they were the devil? Combine that with the fact that she was going to be out of a job in a matter of months, with no way to pay for her apartment, much less said child, and she didn't think anyone would be in the best of moods.

It wasn't that she hated the idea of the child. She was still just so lost in a sea of questions and uncertainties that a moment for excitement or even acceptance didn't really have a place.

"I know," she admitted quietly. She hadn't voiced the thoughts to anyone. There were couples out there that would give anything to be pregnant right now, and she barely seemed to care. She was horrible. "Damon has been so amazing through all of this, you all have, but I'm so confused about everything. One day I was with Matt, hoping we'd work our problems out, and the next, I'm kissing Damon and finding that I wanted to know him. Not just in the 'hey, let's be friends' kind of way, but in the 'I want to know everything about you' kind of way, but that wasn't supposed to happen because of how things with Katherine worked out. Then Matt hated me and I was sleeping with Damon, and next thing I know I'm pregnant. In less than a year, I've gone from ending the longest relationship of my life because I wasn't ready for these serious things, to staring down the barrel of a lifetime that wasn't supposed to start yet, with a guy that wasn't even supposed to care about me. I barely know which way is up right now."

"Honey," Caroline sighed. "Why haven't you told us?"

"Cause I sound like a selfish bitch." She blew out a bitter laugh. "And I'm starting to feel like I did trap Damon. All of a sudden, he's telling me that he cares about me, he's asking me to be his girlfriend, defending me to his father, and now asking me to move in with him. None of this would have happened if I didn't get pregnant, even though I desperately wanted him to. I'm getting all these things I wanted, but in all the wrong ways."

"Oh my god," Caroline now groaned and rolled her eyes, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "Sometimes I wonder if you and Damon talk at all. Because if you don't know by now that he wouldn't do a damn thing unless he wanted to, you don't know him."

"Well what am I supposed to think, Caroline? None of this happened until he found out I was pregnant. He might say he's not doing things he doesn't want, but it looks that way and sometimes it feels that way."

"I think you and Damon need to work on your communication if you're going to have a shot at this whole parenting thing," she spoke honestly. At Elena's annoyed look, she shook her head and took a more serious approach. "I know my husband and I know that there's no way he'd be as okay with this as he is, if Damon wasn't okay with it. The thing with Damon is that you just have to trust what he says. He's not going to lie to you, even if you might want him to."

"So, you basically think I'm overreacting?"

"No," she quickly denied. "I think you're scared and keeping too many things inside. Bonnie and I, we're your best friends Elena, _best friends_, and this is the first time you've mentioned any of this to us. You have to talk about these things, Elena. Not just with us, but with Damon. For anything between the two of you to work, you have to talk – both of you."

"I know." Her friends were right. She needed to talk to Damon. He'd been so vocal lately about his feelings for her and his thoughts about the baby, but she'd been closed off. This was what she wanted, to know that he cared, but now she was scared. She needed to confront him with her fears or else this would never work and then she'd be a single mother, and it would be all her fault. "I should probably go find him, apologize for my behavior last night."

"I'm sure he'd had it coming for something else," Bonnie threw in with a small smile. She still wasn't on the Damon train, but she'd warmed up to him. She didn't have the benefit of being married to his brother or being his bed companion, so she remained forever out of the loop on many things that went on with a Salvatore man.

The girls gathered their books and rose to their feet. "So, which ones are you taking home with you?"

Elena dropped the books in her arms onto a nearby table so she could have an easier time of gathering what she needed. She plucked a book from Bonnie's arms. "Definitely the one by Jenny McCarthy. I need some humor while I'm reading about all of this stuff." She pondered over her other choices before choosing on one about counting down the time to birth. It might scare the crap out of her, but sounded interesting enough. Then she spied one in Caroline's arms that she had to have. "_My Boys Can Swim: The Official Guy's Guide to Pregnancy_." She laughed as she read the name of the book. "Might not tell me much, but it shall be entertaining to know what it tells Damon."

Her chosen books in hand, Elena went to the register and paid for them, feeling another small sense of reality setting in. She was buying books on pregnancy. That was real. Maybe if she took it one thing at a time, it might not be so overwhelming and it could begin to feel like a reality. Hopefully, not such a scary one.

"You'll have your best luck if you go to his office. I doubt he's gone home yet," Caroline told her after they exited the bookstore.

She wrapped her coat tightly around her, making sure to not drop her bag. She'd never been to his work before, didn't even know what he did until a couple weeks ago. She didn't know if it was something that would be allowed or if he would get upset. Then again, if he got angry with her she wouldn't have to apologize for last night and they could just call it even. Sounded like a fair enough trade to her.

Unwilling to roam around the city in the bitter cold, Elena hailed a cab and remained cozy until she was stepping out on the sidewalk in front of Damon's large office building. Nervously, she made her way into the lobby and searched the directory for the floors his company housed, and after finding that it was a ton, she finally figured out that Damon would be on the 36th floor.

As she stepped into the elevator, she had a growing feeling of trepidation. Damon's father worked here. What if she ran into him? If he didn't like her before, he certainly wouldn't like her showing up and interrupting Damon's time at work. Then, nobody knew her, what if they wouldn't let her see Damon? She had not thought this through that well. Before she had a chance to strongly consider going straight back down on the elevator and acting as if she'd never come, the doors slid open to reveal Damon standing in the middle of a long hallway, deep in conversation with several businessmen.

He looked up and saw her before she could make any definitive decision on what to do. A broad smile spread across his face. "Elena!" he called out happily, quickly breaking away from the group and coming toward her, one arm extended in her direction. "What are you doing here?" He greeted her with a chaste kiss to her unmoving lips. "This is certainly a surprise."

She laughed nervously. "I thought I'd apologize for my behavior last night. I shouldn't have gotten mad."

He waved his hand in the air. "It was nothing. I expect it at this point." He guided her toward a pleasant looking secretary with light brown hair. "Here, this is Ava, my secretary/assistant/life saver. She can take you back to my office while I finish up with these guys real fast." He squeezed Elena's hand that he was holding before nudging her toward Ava. "I'll only be a minute," he promised, leaning over to give her cheek a quick kiss. "Keep your stories to yourself, Ava. You signed a confidentiality contract."

Ava rose from her seat and laughed amiably. "You wouldn't sue me for breach of contract and you know it. Your life would be in shambles without me." Ava rounded her desk and held her hand out for Elena to shake. "I'm Ava, nice to meet you."

Elena shook her hand in return. "Elena." She tried to not appear affected as Ava scrutinized her appearance, probably mulling over a few thoughts of her resemblance to Katherine. "You can say it; I look like Katherine."

Ava blanched, embarrassed at being caught. "I'm sorry, you're just not how I pictured you." Ava grabbed her arm and began leading her down another hallway. "For what it's worth, you're much prettier. Katherine's black soul kind of sucks the beauty out."

"I take it you're not a fan."

"Not many people are," she said. "Especially those of us that love Damon. She certainly put him through the ringer, and he didn't deserve any of it. Anyway, here we are." They stopped at the end of the hallway and Ava pushed open a large gray door that revealed Damon's vast office to her. If she worked someplace with an office that nice, she might work as many hours as he did too. Before Ava closed the door and left Elena to wait for Damon she turned to her and smiled. "I almost forgot to say congratulations on the pregnancy. You look fabulous; you definitely have the mommy glow."

Elena's words choked in the back of her throat for a moment before she finally croaked out, "How did you know?"

Ava's eyes widened as she realized what had just happened. "Being Damon's secretary is like being his gatekeeper. I know everything that goes on in his life on a daily basis. I haven't mentioned a word to anyone else though, don't worry." She smiled again, this time with her green eyes twinkling. "My husband and I just had a baby before Thanksgiving. You are going to love being a mother, trust me." She leaned over and gave Elena's arm a quick squeeze.

"Thank you, Ava."

"No problem at all. Also, if you ever get confused about Damon's schedule or don't know where he's supposed to be or anything like that, just give me a call. Whatever you need to know, I can tell you." She stepped outside of Damon's office and grabbed the door handle. "Nice to meet you Elena. I hope to see you again."

"Same." She smiled and waved as Ava closed the door and then turned to take in Damon's entire office. There was a large sectional in front of a large flat screen television. There was a fully equipped bar along one wall of his office and another wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. This was nicer than most people's living rooms.

"Enjoying the view?" Damon snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Sometimes that view is the only thing that keeps me from walking out in the middle of the day."

"You have a pretty nice office for yourself here, Damon." She smiled and turned in his arms. "Is this why you're so late getting to my place some nights? You just can't leave the football?"

"I wish I actually got to enjoy that television. I don't think I've turned it on in three months." The bag of books she was holding bounced against Damon's leg, catching his attention. "What do you have?"

She looked down at the bag as well and then held it up higher. "The girls and I spent the afternoon at the bookstore. Caroline thought I needed books on pregnancy."

Damon smirked and grabbed the bag from her. "I think Blondie is more involved in your pregnancy than we are." He walked around his desk and sat down in the comfortable black chair. With a curious expression he pulled her books from the bag and began to read the titles. When he reached the book for him he let out a loud burst of laughter. "This is hilarious!"

Elena rounded his desk, a small smile on her face, and sat down on the corner of it. "You better read that. Caroline is going to force me to read the entire pregnancy section before this whole thing is over with. You can at least read one book."

He closed the book after flipping through it for a moment and set it on his desk. "I will read it."

"Good." She picked up one of her books from his desk and flipped through it casually. "Apparently, I might get really horny in the second trimester."

As she expected, Damon's face lit up like he'd just walked into his living room on Christmas morning. "I like this whole pregnancy thing." He snagged her hand and pulled her into his lap. After allowing her a moment to get comfortable he asked, "So, how are you feeling right now?"

She giggled softly and slid her arms around his neck. "Not horny enough to have sex with you in your office."

Damon opened his mouth, probably for some witty comment, but his phone rang, cutting off whatever he was about to say. He reached out for it, but before he picked it up, he whispered, "We'll revisit this in a moment." He answered his phone and pressed the receiver to his ear. "Damon Salvatore." He was silent for a moment before saying, "No, that won't work. I don't have time to go to Spain right now. They can come to us. If they want to improve their numbers, I think they can make it a priority to come here."

As Damon leaned back in his chair to continue his conversation, she decided she'd go to the bathroom. She had to go all the time now. When she moved to get up, he tightened his arm around her and gave her a questioning look. "Bathroom," she whispered. He nodded and motioned to a door at the end of his office. She flipped on the light switch when she walked into his bathroom and blew out a low whistle. "Even your bathroom in your office is nicer than my apartment," she said to nothing in particular, as if the air could somehow anwer her.

She lowered her pants and was just about to sit down to go to the bathroom when she noticed blood. It wasn't a lot, but there was definitely blood. Was this normal? Bleeding didn't feel normal. Did this mean something was wrong?

With shaky hands she pulled her jeans back up and fastened them, her bathroom plans now forgotten. Slowly, she emerged from the bathroom. Damon's face clouded in worry when he spotted her just outside the bathroom door. "I'm gonna have to call you back." He didn't wait for a response before slamming his phone down and rising from his chair. "What's wrong?"

Scared, she looked back at the bathroom and then back at him. "I'm bleeding."

His face paled at her words. "Is that normal?"

"I don't know. How can it be?"

"Okay, okay," he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "We should go to the hospital. Yeah, we need to go to the hospital." He rushed back to his desk to grab his jacket and phone before returning to his side. "Okay, let's go."

"Damon," she whispered.

"I know." He grabbed her hand. "I know."

They remained silent the entire trip to the hospital, both lost in thoughts of what the next few hours might bring. Not even an hour ago she was acting like this baby was nothing but an inconvenience to her, but now she was facing this possibility that by the end of the day, it could be gone. Somehow, in all of her thoughts she'd had about the baby, she never actually considered that she could lose it.

They had just gotten out of the taxi and were about to enter the hospital when Elena stopped and pulled at Damon's hand. "Damon, what if I lose it?"

He turned to her and grabbed her other hand in his. "We can't think like that. This could be anything. We don't know that something is wrong. Okay?" Unable to speak, she nodded. She tried to be reassured by his words, but there was only a growing trepidation inside of her.

Damon went about handling everything in the emergency room. Having the last name Salvatore was sure to go much farther than her name. Soon, they were being ushered back to a private room. Damon stood next to her as she waited nervously on the exam table, clutching her hand tightly in his. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many things they hadn't talked about. And now they were waiting to find out the fate of this child and she couldn't hold it in anymore. "Did I trap you?" she blurted out.

His eyes widened and he looked down at her in shock. "What?"

"With the baby, the pregnancy. Did I trap you?"

He quickly shook his head back and forth. "No, you didn't trap me. Why would you even ask that?"

"Because, all of this that's happening with us, it's only happening because I'm pregnant. If I weren't pregnant, we wouldn't even be official. We'd still just be having sex."

Damon moved to stand in front of her, nestling himself between her legs hanging over the edge of the table. "The reason that all of this is happening because you're pregnant is because I wouldn't let myself go there before you were. After how everything worked out with my marriage, I wouldn't let myself have another relationship or risk going through any of that again, but then you got pregnant and it wasn't about being scared anymore. It's about having a child and needing to be honest with myself. So, no, I'm not being trapped by you. All this pregnancy did was force me to face what I wouldn't let myself acknowledge or do anything about."

"What happens if I lose it?"

He cupped her face in her hands, brushing away the stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "No matter what happens today, it's not going to change how I feel about you." He took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. "I want to be with you – baby or no baby."

The door swung open and a doctor in her mid-30s entered the room, a calm but serious expression on her face. Damon moved around to the side of the bed again so the doctor could approach her. "Hi, I'm Dr. Thomas." Elena reached out to shake the doctor's hand. "So, I hear you're pregnant and experiencing some bleeding?" She silently nodded as Damon squeezed her hand. "When did the bleeding start?"

"I don't know. I noticed it about an hour ago."

"Have you experienced any cramping with it?"

"No."

"How far along are you?"

"Seven weeks, I think."

The doctor sighed and closed the chart she had been writing in. "Okay, we're going to draw some blood to check your hormone levels and give you an ultrasound. This can be very normal in the first trimester, but we're just going to make sure that everything is as it should be. Right now, we're just going to try not to worry unless there's something to worry about." She bent down and pulled a gown out from a drawer. "Alright, I'm going to need you to go ahead and put this on for the ultrasound. A nurse will be in in just a minute to draw your blood and then I'll be back in to do the ultrasound. Sound good?"

"Yeah."

Once the doctor exited the room, Damon turned to look at her. "The doctor doesn't seem worried. That should be a good sign."

"Yeah," she murmured. Damon helped her down from the table so she could get changed into the gown.

When she pulled off her shirt, he slid a hand onto her abdomen and looked down at her. "We're gonna figure this out." She nodded her head and he allowed her to finish changing into her gown, and then helped her back onto the table.

The nurse came in almost immediately after she was positioned on the table and drew enough blood to make Elena want to squirm. She was seeing far too much blood today. It wasn't that she hated blood; she just hated her own blood. Once the nurse taped a band-aid over the small wound on her arm, she gave her a reassuring smile and left the room. "She kept looking at me like she knew that this wasn't going to end well."

"No she didn't," Damon assured her. "You're just scared."

"Of course I'm scared," she choked out. "I've been scared every day since I found out I was pregnant, but now I'm scared for a completely different reason. Is this just karma for not being happy or excited? Am I being punished?"

"No!" Damon turned her face toward him. "This is not karma or punishment or anything of the sort. This is going to be fine. We just need to believe that."

The door opened again and the doctor entered the room. "The blood has been sent off to the lab, and it's being rushed. We should have the results soon. In the meantime, let's go ahead and do an ultrasound." She walked over to the ultrasound machine and rolled it closer to the table. "Because it's so early in the pregnancy, we'll need to do an internal ultrasound. We most likely will not be able to hear a heartbeat, but this will allow me to see if everything is developing correctly."

Elena laid back on the exam table and got situated how the doctor told her, anxious to finally have at least one answer. She found Damon's hand and gripped it tightly. He was standing next to the bed, his free hand running through her hair. They both watched the doctor's face as she turned on the monitor and searched for whatever it was she needed to know. She tried to read the doctor's face, searching for any indication of whether or not she was finding anything good.

Damon leaned down and brushed his mouth against her ear. "Just breathe." She squeezed his hand tighter and tried to follow his advice.

The doctor turned the screen so that Damon and Elena could finally see it. She pointed to a small white blob inside of a black circle. "That is your baby and he or she is measuring just over seven weeks." Damon and Elena both released large sighs of relief. "And that little spot right there is the heartbeat." Elena clasped a hand over her mouth as she tearfully nodded. "From this, everything looks fine. If your HCG levels come back normal, then this is just a normal case of spotting."

"So, it doesn't mean anything is wrong?" Damon questioned.

The doctor turned off the ultrasound machine and turned to face Damon. "Spotting happens in several pregnancies. Yes, bleeding can indicate a miscarriage in progress, but it can also mean nothing. Right now, it looks like your baby is fine." At that moment, the nurse entered the room and handed what Elena assumed to be the blood test results to the doctor. She looked down at the results, taking a moment to take them all in before looking back up at the anxious couple in front of her. "HCG levels are completely normal. Your baby is perfectly healthy."

Elena tried to pay attention as the doctor talked to her for the next few minutes, but all she could think was that the baby was fine. It was fine, and she'd seen it for herself. It kind of looked like a peanut, but it was a person. The rest of the appointment blurred together as her mind remained frozen on that tiny white blob she'd seen on that screen. It wasn't until the doctor left and Damon pulled her into his arms that the enormity of the situation began to sink in. She shook in his arms, soft cries consuming her body as he held her tightly, whispering words of comfort into her ear.

"Stay at my place tonight, okay?" he questioned a few minutes later when he pulled away to look at her.

Without hesitation, she nodded her head. She didn't want to be alone tonight or with anyone else. She just wanted to be with him. "Yes, I'd like that."

"Okay, we'll pick up some dinner on the way home and take it easy tonight."

He helped her off the table so she could get dressed, and she was soon able to leave the hospital, hoping to not return for a very long time. The last time she'd been in a hospital was when she woke up after the car accident and learned that her parents were dead. They brought nothing but sadness for her and she hated them. Though she did not get bad news today, it did nothing to alleviate her fear of them. She just wanted to curl up under the covers and try to forget that this day ever happened.

As they rode back to Damon's place in silence, Caroline's words played on a loop in her head. The last two hours just proved that her and Damon had to talk. They'd been putting so many things off, content to keep the baby talk centered around Damon being in the picture. They never discussed things beyond that other than when he tried to convince her to move in with him, a topic she tried to actively avoid. This _was_ a reality though. She saw the proof with her very own eyes; there was a person growing inside of her. In a few months, this person would be in the world and it would be her responsibility to provide for it. She couldn't bury her head in the sand and put things off until she was in labor. They needed to figure things out now.

However, as she looked over at Damon as he helped her from the taxi, she knew that this wasn't the right moment. He'd worn the same worried expression since she emerged from his bathroom hours ago. He'd been nothing short of amazingly supportive, but she could now see how the day had affected him as well. She decided she'd wait until later tonight after he'd hopefully calmed down before she tried to talk with him. After the afternoon they had, they could use a few hours to try to unwind and calm down.

Damon seemed to agree with this silent sentiment of hers, because he remained mostly quiet throughout dinner and added none of his usual snarky commentary as they watched what he referred to as her "mindless chick drama" shows. He seemed to barely pay attention to anything on television and she wasn't faring much better. How could she be entertained by The Real Housewives of New Jersey right now? She had real problems of her own to deal with, not some feud because someone had thrown her cookies in the trash at Christmas. So, when he asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't object. She was just ready for the day to be over. She didn't even bother with most of her nightly routine and crawled in bed long before Damon.

She was close to falling asleep when Damon emerged from his closet, clad only in a pair of loose pajama pants. His hair was a ruffled mess from the hundreds of times he'd roughly run his fingers through the dark tresses throughout the day. After the events of the day, she knew his week was finally catching up with him. Right now, his walls were down and she could read his face as clearly as she could read Bonnie's or Caroline's. She could see that there was more they needed to discuss than the baby. They had to finally discuss his father as well.

He wasn't saying it, but she knew it was killing him that he'd received no support or love from his father. There was still so much she did not know about the relationship, for he kept most details about his family life locked away somewhere deep within him, but it was easy to see that a part of him still ached to one day have his father look at him and just be proud.

She suspected it was why he was so intent on making her understand that he wasn't going to walk away from this. While today was giving her some growth in being able to begin to wrap her mind around what was happening, he was more accepting of the idea that they were having a child each and every day. There seemed to be an innate need in him to be different than his father. He was turning out to be everything she never expected him to be.

He climbed into his bed, a distant look on his face, and she couldn't bring herself to stay silent any longer. "Damon," she said quietly, as she reached across the distance to gently run her fingers down his cheek. "We need to talk."

He melted into the comfort of her touch, his eyes closing as she caressed his skin. "There's nothing to talk about. The baby is fine. Let's just enjoy that right now." Dejectedly, he opened his eyes again, only they were now filled with deep despair.

"I know, but that means that we need to talk now more than ever. In a few months, we're going to have a baby who is going to need both of us. I think we need to discuss what that means beyond both of us being in the picture." He sighed and shook his head and she knew he saw her point. "We need to talk about your dad too."

He grew more alert at her words and immediately began shaking his head back and forth. "No." He quickly turned to her. "There's nothing to talk about in regards to my father. He had a chance to be different the other night, but he didn't. I'm his son and he couldn't just be happy that I was happy and going to be a father. He's not a part of this. I'm not discussing him."

"He's your dad."

"No," he bit out. "My _dad_ died when my mom did. My _father_ is just a man who contributed some sperm and spent the next 28 years damaging me."

"You don't really feel that way." She knew she was pushing at a delicate subject, but she knew that he didn't really mean what he was saying. He wanted to mean it, but he couldn't. "He's your father and you want him to accept you."

"I want him to accept _you and this baby_."

"He thinks I'm trash," she admitted with embarrassment. She understood that her current profession wasn't anything to write home about, but she didn't exactly think it equated her to a piece of gum that had gotten stuck to the bottom of Giuseppe's shoe. She had a degree from Columbia for heaven's sake. She may not come from the money that Damon came from, but she hadn't been poor by any means. Her had been a doctor with his own practice. She was a good girl, an honest girl.

"He thinks we're all trash." He sighed and moved closer to her. "When my mother died, it was like he shut everything off. He didn't care about being a father anymore; he just wanted to be in control. He couldn't look past his own grief to see the fact that his sons had just lost their mother. My entire world had been shattered, and he didn't care; he's never tried to since."

Her chest constricted and tears burned fiercely in her eyes as she heard the agonizing pain in Damon's voice. He'd still been a baby when his mother died, and he'd had to deal with all of it alone. At least, when her parents died, she had Jenna and Jeremy. She'd had Bonnie and Caroline to turn to as well, and without all of that support, she would have never survived the gut wrenching pain of it all. It broke her heart to know that the only other stable adult he'd had in his life hadn't just left him to fend for himself, but had also worked to damage him even further. It was a miracle he could even admit that he cared about her.

Unsure of what to say, she simply settled on pulling Damon into her arms and allowing him to bury his face in her neck. He shuddered against her skin and she only pulled him tighter. "I care," she whispered.

He froze in her arms and she worried for a moment that she'd gone a step too far. Then, he slowly pulled back. She watched nervously as he sadly shook his head. "You shouldn't."

She rose to her knees in front of him and lifted his chin. "You don't see who you really are, but I do. You've been my rock through all of this, Damon. Before we even started sleeping together you were there for me. I should care, and I do."

"I don't get you, Elena Gilbert," he sighed wistfully.

In confusion, she furrowed her brows. "What don't you get?"

"I know you started caring about me long before you got pregnant. I saw it, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. If I acknowledged it, it meant I had to face the fact that I'd fallen for you. I never wanted to fall for you."

Elena sighed and brushed her finger over the creases on his forehead. "You've lost me."

"I didn't want this to become real. I did that with Katherine and it ended horribly. I'm not that same man I was when I met her. She took so much and I can't understand what you see in me. I'm the unhealthiest choice a woman could ever choose to be with. I have a freakishly codependent relationship with my brother. I'm downright cruel to people, even if I don't need to be. Katherine was the only woman I never cheated on. I spend far too much time working. And most of all, I have a horrible relationship with my father. You tell me that you don't know how to be a mom. I have no blueprint of how to be a dad."

"That's not true," she denied, rapidly shaking her head back and forth. "You have the perfect blueprint. You know how your father was with you, and you know that you never want to do that with a child. You know exactly what kind of a father to _not_ be. That means something."

She expected him to deny it, unable to allow his heart to believe that he could do what she was saying. Instead, he leaned forward and captured her lips. Everything he felt that he'd never know how to put into words he poured into her with his kiss. These moments had become a common occurrence between them over the past month. Everything had become more intimate and personal between them, no longer just about the lust and unabashed desire for each other.

When he finally pulled away, leaving her breathless, he looked at her through hooded eyes and said, "Move in with me." Just like every other time he'd mentioned it before, her heart stopped for a moment in her chest before returning to normal. "I know you don't think it's needed, but after what happened and what we saw today, I'm more convinced than ever that we need to live together. Like you said, we're going to have a baby in a few months. How are we supposed to do this together if we live on opposite sides of the city?"

She couldn't deny that he had a point. How could they properly do this if they were trading off with the baby every few days? Not to mention, it couldn't be what would be best for the child. The idea was scary, knowing she would be leaving herself so dependent on Damon until she found a job of some kind. No matter what she found though, she'd never be able to make anything that could even help to cover his living expenses. There was something else she also needed to think about before she could say yes. "What would it mean for us? Moving in is what serious couples do. We've only been dating like a week."

"I think it's safe to say we've pretty much been dating since December."

"How so?"

"I haven't even called a girl since we slept together. You're the only person I've been with in months. And as much as I tried to tell my brother he was stupid, he had a point about me treating this like a relationship. We did everything that couples do; we just didn't call ourselves a couple. So, if we look at it in that sense, we've been together for three months. And we're having a baby. I think that puts us in the serious relationship bracket by default."

"I don't want to be in anything by default, Damon. I want it to be real."

He pulled her hands into his. "It is real. Everything about this has been real. I didn't plan it, but I care about you more than I ever thought possible. I want this, Elena. I want us."

"I want us too," she whispered.

"So," he started nervously, "You'll move in."

"Yes," she shook her head, "I'll move in with you."

A smile finally broke across his face since she'd seen him at his office hours ago. He looked like she'd lifted a weight from his shoulders just by agreeing to move in with him. "Good." He leaned back onto his pillows and pulled her into his side. "We're actually doing this, aren't we?"

"What? The relationship thing?"

"No, the parent thing." One of his hands drifted down to her stomach where his fingers traced softly over the thin material of her shirt. "It didn't really feel real until today. I knew we were having a child, but it wasn't a reality until I saw it on the screen."

She nestled in deeper into his side, comforted to know that he'd been feeling some sense of fear as well. "What did you think it looked like?"

His chest shook under her head as he laughed quietly. "I kind of thought it looked like a shrimp."

She giggled at his description. "I thought it looked like a peanut. Just a little cashew nut."

"Oh god," he groaned, but couldn't quite stop laughing. "Our child isn't even born and we're comparing it to food. We should probably just start the therapy fund now."

"Between you and me, surely we can do a halfway competent job."

"Let's hope so." He sighed, exhaustion seeping its way into his voice. "Cause according to that ultrasound, in a few months, you'll be giving birth to an appetizer."


	17. Please Don't Stop the Rain

Author's Note: Here it is folks, another chapter! Thank you all for the amazing reviews for the last chapter. I was one shy of 30 reviews! Crazy! All of you who support me and leave such awesome reviews are the very best. I have to give a huge thanks to CaliKisses who fixed the numerous errors in this chapter and tweaked some things for me. This chapter is different than anything that's been written in this story. It's a chapter form Caroline and Stefan's POV. Yes, a joint POV chapter. They're married and I just thought it would fit for them to share one. You'll get a bit of an outsider's perspective on the Damon and Elena relationship. For those of you that like the Caroline and Stefan relationship you'll also get a little insight into their life together. Anyway, I'm a little nervous, cause it's different, but I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 16**

**If it's gonna be a rainy day  
>There's noting we can do to make it change<br>We can pray for sunny weather  
>But that won't stop the rain <strong>

As Caroline listened to her son cry she prayed to some higher power that he would stop. She'd done everything. She'd fed him, changed him, rocked him, sang to him, walked with him, and now she was bouncing him. He showed no signs of throwing in the towel any time soon though. "Three months old and you're already undeniably a Salvatore male," she spoke softly to him, brushing one of her hands over his soft tufts of blonde hair. She nuzzled him to her chest and swayed back and forth. "I was hoping I'd at least get you for at least five years before the Salvatore genes kicked in."

She was about to go and plead with Stefan for help when she heard the bedroom door open and she turned to see him slowly enter. He wore a look of concern on his face as he looked at their increasingly unhappy son. "We can hear him all the way in the living room."

"I don't know why he won't stop crying. I've done everything and he doesn't have a fever. I don't think he's sick."

Stefan carefully extracted Sawyer from her arms and brought him against his chest for his small head to rest on his shoulder. "Are you freaking out about Elena?" he questioned as he rubbed a hand down Sawyer's back.

She bit her lip and looked at the floor. "Maybe."

"You know he picks up on it if we're stressed."

"Well how are you going to help, then?" she questioned with a roll of her eyes. "Don't even pretend that you're not going crazy inside because of Damon." She sighed and dropped down onto the bed. "This day is turning into a disaster. Who am I kidding? Damon and Elena have been a disaster for the past three years."

Sawyer let out a particularly ear splitting cry at Caroline's words and Stefan adjusted him in his arms so he could stare down at his face. "I know," he murmured, "I hate that your Uncle Damon is upset too."

"What are we gonna do, Stefan?" Caroline questioned from the bed. "Elena's gone off only God knows where. Damon looks like he's getting ready for his walk to the electric chair. Your dad has only made this situation that much worse. And," she whimpered as Sawyer continued to cry, "Our son won't stop crying. We're just sucky friends and parents. This sucks!"

Stefan swayed gently as his son cried loudly in his ear. "We're not bad parents. We're just worried about everyone, and he can pick up on that. And we're not bad friends. There's just nothing we can really do right now. We're in a bit of a stalemate here."

"He's your brother! Can't you do something?"

"You think I like seeing him like this?" he demanded quietly, but trying to keep most of the annoyance from his voice. "I can see what's going through his head and it kills me, but I can't do anything."

"You never want to do anything Stefan."

"Because it doesn't work! All we can control is our relationship. We can't force Damon to get married or not get married. We can't force Elena to move on or come fight for Damon. All we can do is be there for them."

"I don't have a friend to be there for!" she snapped. Stefan watched as her wall quickly began to crumble and tears filled her eyes. "I just want to know she's okay. If I could just hear her voice or see her – god, just anything. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know," he sighed, and he did. It was hard to see how things had deteriorated to get to this point. It was almost impossible to believe that they had been happy once. His brother had recovered from his divorce. Elena was coming to terms with being pregnant and learning to trust what she had with Damon. The love had been simple once.

* * *

><p>Caroline ran out from the bathroom when she heard a loud commotion in the living room followed by a slew of language she rarely heard her husband speak. "Shit!" he cursed. She emerged from the bedroom, nervously biting her lip, when she saw him hopping on one leg and rubbing at his other knee. "Did you buy out Barney's?" he inquired, staring in shock and disdain at the bags littering their living room.<p>

She apprehensively moved toward him as if he were a bear in the wild ready to pounce on her at any sudden movements. She slowly grabbed one of the bags from the floor and pulled out a pale pink blanket. "I may have bought a few things for the baby."

Stefan's eyes widened as he took in all of the bags on the floor again. "One," he said, raising his head to meet her gaze, "You do realize this isn't our child?" He motioned to the blanket in her hands. "Two, you know they don't actually know if they're having a boy or a girl, right?"

"I know that," she snapped indignantly, throwing the blanket back into the bag. "I just, I got excited okay? I had to go into Barney's to see if they were carrying something from Amanda's line that they were supposed to, and then I saw the baby section and I couldn't resist."

"You should not be allowed to work for a fashion designer. You shouldn't be allowed to work in the fashion industry, period."

She dropped to her knees on the floor and reached down into another bag and dug around until she found a onesie with a frog on it. "Look how tiny it is?" she squealed. "How could I not buy this?"

Stefan laughed and shook his head. "My brother is going to murder you."

"Please," she scoffed, "Damon always wants to murder me."

"This is true," he acknowledged, knowing his wife was right. Caroline was sometimes a little too much perk for Damon to take. Her constant foot-in-mouth syndrome probably did little to help his annoyance with her as well. It didn't worry Stefan though. He knew that his brother loved Caroline, even if he would rather be staked through the heart before admitting it. He never would have allowed him to get married if he didn't approve of Caroline and respect her.

Caroline looked up from the bags she was rummaging through. "By the way, tonight is Elena's first night at Damon's. We're supposed to go help get things unpacked and all that stuff."

"Okay."

She pushed herself up from the floor. "I don't remember Damon helping me when I moved in here. Why should I help him?"

"Babe, I don't know if we could call what you did moving in. All of your stuff was here except for your furniture. You brought some decorations and sold the rest for shoe money."

"Well, he could have helped us with the wedding presents. It took us forever to go through everything."

"And would we have made him leave every time it hit you again that we were married and you threw yourself at me?"

"One, I do not throw." She walked toward him, a sly grin on her face as she motioned her hand up and down her body. "You want this far too much for throwing to ever be required. "Two," she twined her arms around his neck, "I hate it when you're rational with me."

He smiled down at her and rested his hands low on her hips. "Is there a three?"

"Yes." She nodded enthusiastically. "Three, it hit me again." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Wanna go hit this?"

Stefan groaned in embarrassment for her, but pulled her flush against him nonetheless. "I can't believe you just asked if I wanted to _hit this_. Are we 17?"

"No, but we can pretend to have all the sexual frustration of horny teenagers."

"How did you get me to agree to marry you?" he questioned. Before she could answer Stefan caught her by surprise by tossing her over his shoulder.

"Stefan!" she shrieked.

He playfully smacked her backside as he marched toward their bedroom. "Come on, I've got some sexual frustration to get out." Her small fists pounded on his back, but it was more for show than any real indignation. He knew his wife well enough to know that she loved big moments like this and that she was eating it all up. When he got to their bed, he dropped her down onto the plush mattress and ripped his shirt over his head as she moved toward the center of the bed. She stared up at him, her blue eyes glazing over with desire as they trailed over his chest and stomach. When she leaned back on her hands and bit her lip, clearly ready for him to join her, he crawled on the bed. "God, I love you," he groaned as he grabbed her face and captured her lips.

She parted her legs as he settled between her thighs and slid his tongue into her mouth. As she moaned into his mouth he knew that he would never have enough of her. Even though he had a moment of weakness before the wedding he knew that he would love her forever.

He slid down her body, pushing her shirt up her abdomen, leaving it exposed to him. Her fingers threaded their way through his hair and he left hot, open-mouthed kisses along her stomach all he could think was that she was it for him. "Elena says we need to have a baby."

Yeah, she was it for him, even in these moments.

At her words, he froze, mouth open against her stomach. Even though sex was what it took to make a baby, that had been the last thought on his mind when he thought about making love to his wife. He abruptly sat up, all previous thoughts of what was about to happen now long gone. "And the number one way to kill the mood goes to—," he sighed.

She stumbled into a sitting position, stuttering momentarily until she finally exclaimed, "I told her no! I just thought it was funny." She snapped her mouth shut and took in the look on his face, obviously searching for some sort of clue. When she couldn't find exactly what she was looking for she questioned, "We are still on the same page about kids, right?"

"Yes! I just don't want to be discussing them when I'm about to have sex with you. I certainly don't want to be thinking about it." He wanted kids with Caroline, as many as she wanted, but that was down the road by a few years. Elena's unexpected pregnancy had brought the thought of children more toward the forefront than they had been, but he still wanted to wait. She was barely starting her career and he was still working on his PhD. They didn't have time for a child right now.

"We'd make cute babies though." She smiled, her mind picturing these fictional children she spoke of.

"Not the point, babe." He tried, he really did, but he couldn't keep the small smile from his face as she smiled wistfully. "I get that Elena being pregnant has put babies on the brain for you, but we are not ready for that, not by a long shot."

"Cause Damon and Elena are _so ready_ for this," she snorted. "I didn't mean it like that," she said when she noticed him stiffen. "I'm just worried, okay? Your brother isn't exactly the poster child for a mentally stable human being. And Elena, even though I love her, she doesn't have anything figured out. Raising a baby is a huge thing and I worry. I mean, don't you think this is all weird?" She turned to look at him. "In our entire time of dating, never did I think that Damon and Elena would be a good match."

"Well, my brother was married for the entire time we were dating. There was no reason to think they'd be a good match," he pointed out as he turned around so he could sit next to Caroline and pull her into his side.

"True, but I still didn't see that version of Damon being a good fit for Elena, even when things were great with Katherine and him."

"Well, for some reason, this is working for them. They fell for each other and it seems real. Sometimes there's just no rhyme or reason why people fall in love." He rubbed a hand down her arm. "This isn't the best timing for them, but they're adults. We can't get involved in things, Care."

"But that's what I do," she whined. "I meddle and I fix things. It's who I am."

He chuckled quietly. "I know and I love you for that, but this isn't as simple as finding guys for Elena to go on dates with, or manipulating them into throwing a surprise party for you that is really your idea."

"That's cause everyone else is just stupid," she grumbled. "If everyone listened to me, then everything would be perfect all the time."

Smiling, he pressed a kiss on the side of her head. "But then you wouldn't get to tell them that you told them so when things go wrong."

She turned to catch his lips before he could pull them away from her hair. He melted into the kiss easily and Caroline smiled, knowing she could get him to forget about nearly anything if she kissed him. It was what actually made her fall in love with him in the first place; the way he shut out the whole world, making her his absolute everything in that moment when his lips moved with hers. It made her realize from that first kiss that she would only ever be his, and she'd never let him go.

She twisted and swung her leg over so she was straddling his lap, never allowing their lips to part in the process. His hands pressed firmly against her back, holding her body tightly to his bare torso and she allowed her hands to slide from his face to run over the soft skin of his chest. His fingers fisted in the material of her shirt as he began to pull it up her body when the shrill sound of his cell phone brought a sudden halt to his movements.

She dug her hand into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone. Damon's name stared up at her from the caller ID and she groaned. "I hate your brother." Knowing all chances of sex were now gone, she threw herself down to the mattress in a dramatic manner and whimpered.

"This better be good," Stefan bit out when he answered the phone, his eyes focused intently on the rise and fall of Caroline's breasts. "How is that my problem?" he demanded. "Well, I didn't get her pregnant. I shouldn't have to pay the consequences." He groaned and rolled his eyes. "We'll be there in 30 minutes."

"I don't interrupt his sex. Why does he have to interrupt mine?" she whined when Stefan ended the call and climbed off the bed.

He rounded the front of the bed and bent down to retrieve his shirt. "They just got Elena's stuff at his place and she won't let him leave to get stuff for dinner because she thinks he'll run off with Ric and leave her to unpack all of her things."

"I presume Elena is not in her happy pregnancy mood today. Yay!"

"Or she's just fed up with my brother. That's always a distinct possibility." Stefan pulled his shirt over his head and held out his hand for her to take. "Let's go spend the evening with my brother and your best friend."

She grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her off the bed. "Promise I don't have to cook?"

He laughed and pulled her out of their bedroom. "Damon wouldn't let you touch his stove if you begged him."

They bundled up in their coats and made their way to the grocery store down the street from their building where Stefan bought what Damon told him to buy and Caroline wandered around with the newest edition of Cosmopolitan. "I want to try this later." She held the magazine in front of him, motioning to a description of a "super sizzlin'" sex position they hadn't tried yet.

He blushed and ripped the magazine from her hands. "We're in the middle of the grocery store."

"You're so cute when you get embarrassed." She pinched his cheek.

"Let's just focus on what we need to buy." He stopped and began picking up a handful of tomatoes.

"If Damon taught you how to cook, how did he learn how to cook?" she asked as he handed her the bag of tomatoes and she placed them in the shopping cart.

"Our mom taught him when she was sick. I'd watch, but I was too young to really pay enough attention to learn anything. He helped while I got in trouble for trying to eat everything while they were cooking it."

"I need to make Damon show me pictures of you again when you were little." He groaned and rolled his eyes. "What? You were just so cute."

"We need to show Elena pictures of a baby Damon. He liked wearing clothes then about as much as he likes wearing clothes now."

Caroline came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the aisle. "There are naked pictures of Damon?"

Stefan stopped and looked at her. "Not adult Damon, but as a kid, yeah. I think he's naked in pretty much every childhood photo we have."

"Oh my god!" she shrieked and began pushing at Stefan. "Hurry up and finish shopping. I need to see these pictures! Now!"

In rapid speed, Stefan and Caroline finished shopping and she nearly dragged her husband to Damon's place. When she'd still been dating Stefan, Damon had taken it upon himself to show her all of the embarrassing childhood photos of Stefan, but he'd somehow managed to hide all of the embarrassing ones of him. If she had to turn his entire penthouse upside down and be kicked out of his building forever, she would find those pictures.

"We're here," Stefan called out when he let them into the penthouse that was cluttered with boxes. Damon and Elena were huddled in the middle of the living room, sorting through her music and movies.

"Ugh," Damon groaned, disgusted. "Who are you?" He held up a CD that Caroline had bought with Elena when they were in elementary school. "N'Sync? And why do you even have CDs? You have a perfectly functioning iPod."

Elena snatched the CD from him. "I don't want to hear it, Mr. I have every ACDC album ever released."

"It's ACDC!" he exclaimed. "It's real music, not stupid songs by guys whose balls haven't even dropped."

"I see we've come at a great time," Caroline said as she wove her way through the boxes when Damon and Elena continued to argue without acknowledging them. "Moving going well?"

"Until I realized she's trying to pass on her horrible taste in music to our child," Damon scoffed. He grabbed the CD back from Elena and tossed it into a pile along with several other CDs that Elena had accumulated during the era of boy bands. "If I find a poster of Nick Carter, we're breaking up."

"One, different band," she pointed out. "Two, you're just jealous that he has better hair than you."

Damon reeled back, a mock look of hurt on his face. "Take it back!"

"Give me back my N'Sync album and I will."

"They're tone deaf prepubescent boys!"

"I don't care." Elena crossed her arms over her chest, a movement that showed she would not back down from her argument. Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena had spent hours daydreaming about the gorgeous boys that sang songs about a love they dreamed of having one day. Sure, they hadn't realized that relationships were nothing like they were in those songs they loved so much, and if any of the bands came out at this time, they'd never be caught dead listening to the songs. However, the songs were their childhood. Caroline still had all of her old CDs, even if the songs were on her iPod. "Give me the CD and I'll take it back."

Damon's eyes narrowed comically at Elena. Stefan came up behind Caroline, resting one of his hands on her hips and asked, "What are they fighting about?"

"Damon took away her N'Sync album and she told him that Nick Carter has better hair than he does."

"Give it up, Damon. You can't come between a girl and her love for the boy bands," Stefan spoke up sagely. They'd had a very similar fight soon after they got engaged, but she'd won in the end. It might have taken two hours of screaming and possibly a little kicking and crying on Caroline's end, but all of her music was stored safely in a cabinet in their living room.

"But they suck!" he whined.

"If you like sex, give her the CD." Damon rolled his eyes and reluctantly picked up the N'Sync album from the pile beside him. "Here," he thrust it over to Elena, "You better not play that to your belly."

Elena smiled triumphantly. "Don't worry, that right is reserved for Britney Spears." At the look of pure terror on Damon's face, she chuckled. "Kidding! I'm not doing the whole music thing to the stomach."

Caroline walked over to Damon's entertainment center and began casually pulling open drawers and cabinets. "You get most of your furniture sold?" she asked Elena.

"Yeah, other than a couple things. They're going to stay in one of the guest rooms until we figure out what to do with them."

"That's good," she said absentmindedly, digging her hand around in the cabinet.

"Looking for something, Blondie?" Damon asked her.

"Yeah," she straightened and looked at him, "Remember when you showed me those pictures of Stefan? Where are the photo albums?"

Damon pushed himself to his feet, a suspicious look on his face. "Why?"

"It's been so long since I've seen them. I want to look at cute, baby Stefan again."

"Stefan?" Damon turned to look at his brother.

Her husband held up his hands in a show of innocence. "I know nothing."

Damon slowly walked toward her, a calculating look on his face. "What's your real agenda?"

Caroline looked down at another drawer and opened it. "A little birdie with a chiseled chest may have told me that you weren't very fond of clothes as a child and that there may or may not be photographic proof."

"You have naked baby pictures?" Elena shot up from the floor, all the items on her lap, falling loudly to the floor.

Damon turned and glared at his brother. "I have no such thing, and I don't know why anyone would tell you I do."

"Oh my god!" Elena exclaimed, her face bursting with joy. "You do have naked baby pictures!" She bounced over to him. "I wanna see! I wanna see!"

"The only photos you will find in here are Stefan's embarrassing childhood photos. Sorry girls."

"Cause yours are in your office," Stefan mumbled beneath his breath.

"I knew it!" Caroline hopped around for a few moments before taking off in a run for Damon's office, Elena trailing behind her. She rushed to the bookshelf and began searching the shelves for photo albums.

"Found it!" Elena was pointing to the top shelf at three inconspicuous black books. "Get them!" Caroline climbed the shelves, grabbed the albums, and handed them down to Elena.

Damon appeared in front of Elena and placed his hand over the photo albums. "Open these and every bubblegum pop CD you have goes to Goodwill, your chick movies too."

Elena paused to think about it for a moment before shrugging and stepping away from him. "Totally worth it."

Stefan came over and helped Caroline back down to the floor, ignoring the murderous look that Damon was sending him. "Picture time." The girls sat down on the floor and Elena opened one of the photo albums in her lap. They struck gold on the third page when they found a picture of a fully naked Damon running down the hallway as a toddler. "I feel like my birthday came early!" Caroline squealed.

"Aw!" Elena looked up at Damon a goofy grin on her face. "Your butt was too cute."

"I hate you all," Damon groaned, but it was Stefan he reached out and punched roughly on the arm. "I'm getting you back for this."

"I think my payback is coming soon enough. I'm sure there are plenty of naked photos of me in there."

"Why didn't you tell me you were such a cute baby?" Elena asked Damon.

"I thought it was obvious that I was just born this awesome," he said sarcastically, but soon cringed as they continued to look at more of his embarrassing photos. "Can we please stop now? I don't look at naked photos of you two."

"God Damon," Caroline smiled down at a photo of him with his face taking up nearly the entire photo, a giant grin on his face, "You used to be so adorable. What happened?"

He reached down and snatched the album from them. "I met you, Blondie."

She continued to smile, unfazed by his annoyance. "You love me." He might be frustrated with her 98% of the time, but Caroline knew the truth. He'd fallen in love with her, even if he'd never admit it.

She'd wavered on what she believed Damon really thought about her all the way up until her wedding day. The moment she'd seen the bracelet that Damon had given to Elena for her, she'd known that he really did care about her. Damon and Stefan's mom was rarely spoken of, but she knew how much his mom had meant to him – still meant to him. If he'd despised her like he tried to let on, she'd have never even known about the bracelet, much less worn it when she got married.

"I think we've seen enough pictures for now." Stefan decided to put Damon out of his misery and grabbed the remaining photo albums from the floor. "We should save these for when he's good and drunk and will recreate them."

Caroline beamed up at Stefan. Her husband was brilliant.

"I'm going to go cook dinner. I can't be around you people anymore." Damon looked down at Elena and disappointedly shook his head. "Traitor."

She winked at him. "It's worth whatever you're going to do to me for payback."

"I'm so gonna be the favorite parent."

"Ha! We'll see about that," Elena scoffed as Damon turned to leave his office. "Wait!" she called out after him. He stopped and turned to look at her as she pushed herself to her feet. "What are you making for dinner?"

"Don't worry," he smiled warmly as she walked toward him, "I'm not making any red meat. I'm just making simple chicken Parmesan."

"No olives?"

He shook his head. "No olives." When she stopped in front of him he rested a hand on her lower abdomen. "No coffee either. We're gonna keep the shrimp happy tonight." He rubbed her stomach for a moment as he leaned in and kissed her gently.

Caroline could see Elena smile against his lips. "Peanut," she whispered, "it's a peanut."

"Whatever you say." He pulled away and sighed. "Okay, I'm really going to go cook dinner now. Stay away from my stuff, Caroline!"

Elena giggled and watched him disappear down the hallway. She turned to glance at Stefan and Caroline. "I'm gonna go figure out which boxes they put in the guest bedroom. Feel free to help, Care, seeing as that's what you're here for."

"I'll be there in a minute." She waited a few moments until she felt that Elena was far enough away before she turned to Stefan and said, "I think you're right."

"Well, obviously," he smiled. "About what though?"

"You said they fell for each other, you're right. Elena didn't just fall for Damon. He fell for her too."

"You're just now figuring that out?"

"I was skeptical." She shrugged her shoulders unapologetically. "And maybe a little unsure that Damon could really fall for someone again."

"Katherine didn't ruin him. She just hurt him." He came over and wrapped his arms around her waist. "The real Damon was still there. He just needed a push in the right direction."

She stared up at him. "And you think Elena gave him that push."

"She did something," he acknowledged.

"She loves him, you know?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah, I know."

"Does Damon know? Has he said anything?"

"That, I do not know. We can't get involved though, babe. It's none of our business."

"She's pregnant with your niece or nephew," she pointed out.

"It's not our relationship, Caroline. We can't make them talk about things they don't want to talk about."

"Elena wants to talk about it, she's just scared. She won't say anything unless Damon says something to her. She's still scared of getting hurt." When she saw that he wasn't wavering on his stance she groaned and rolled her eyes. "I know that this is one of the reasons I love you, but right now I am really not a fan of you being so reasonable."

He smirked. "I love you too."

She happily kissed him and then rested her head against his chest. "I just want everyone to be as perfect as us."

"I know," he ran a hand down her back, "But we have to work on our relationship too. It's just part of life."

She sighed and pulled away from him. "I'm going to go make sure Damon isn't poisoning food just for me."

"Aren't you supposed to be helping Elena unpack?"

"Eh," she waved her hand in the air. "That's boring. I'd much rather bug your brother."

"Sounds like fun."

Caroline pranced out of the room and made her way toward the kitchen. She knew perfectly well that Damon knew how to cook. However, this could give her a chance to give Damon a little nudge in the right direction.

"Why are you in my kitchen?" Damon questioned, not looking up from the counter as he chopped tomatoes.

"Just wanted to hang out with you."

"Go hang out with your friend. Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing anyway."'

"I see her plenty." She walked behind him and watched as he poured the tomatoes in a bowl with other ingredients.

"Well go see her plenty more."

With Caroline annoying Damon in the kitchen, her husband sighed as he glanced around Damon's office. When he'd helped Damon move in he'd still been so damaged from his divorce. He was completely closed off to the idea of ever developing another relationship for the rest of his life. He'd seen Katherine as his only chance, and once that didn't work, he never wanted to revisit anything like it again.

Now, his brother was going to be a dad and had moved Elena into his penthouse. For the first time in ages, it was like a weight had been lifted from Damon's shoulders. His brother smiled and laughed. He'd let someone else in and it was easy to see the difference Elena had had on him. At first he'd been a little skeptical – truthfully, he really still was, but he fully had his brother back again, and that felt great. All he cared about was making sure Damon stayed like this forever.

He heard a quiet grunting noise in the hallway and quickly rushed out to see Elena carrying a heavy box from one of the spare rooms, and he went to her side to retrieve it from her. "Here, let me get that."

"I can get it," she protested, but he removed the box easily enough from her arms.

"You shouldn't be lifting heavy things. If my brother knew I'd let you do that he'd kill me."

She groaned as she followed him toward Damon's room, well Damon and Elena's room now, he supposed. "He's so protective."

"Welcome to my world." He understood a thing for two about how protective Damon was. To most, it might seem like he didn't care what Stefan did most of the time, but the truth was that he just didn't like to allow others to be privy to what he perceived to be a weakness. Damon believed caring could be used against him, so he stayed quiet about Stefan to a majority of the time, but Stefan knew the truth; he'd experienced it. "We used to go up to the Hamptons every summer when we were younger. The summer I was 10 and he was 14, he was flirting mercilessly with this girl, so I didn't tell him that I was going to go swim in the ocean. I don't really know what happened, but suddenly I was drowning and he had to come in and pull me back to the beach, where he then proceeded to give me this huge lecture about how stupid I'd been because I hadn't told him I was going into the water." Stefan set the box down on the bedroom floor and turned to look at Elena. "He wouldn't let me go into the ocean for the rest of the summer."

Elena looked at Stefan and then bent over the box he'd set on the floor. "That's a little dramatic."

"You have met my brother, right?" he deadpanned. Stefan walked over to Damon's dresser and picked up a picture of him and Damon from his 22nd birthday. He glanced down at it, remembering that night well. With a quiet sigh, he set the photo on the dresser and looked back up at Elena. "Why did you finally agree to move in?"

Elena halted as she lifted a few candles out of the box. "What do you mean?"

He leaned against the dresser and crossed his arms over his chest. "He said that you were dead set against it."

She walked over to the bed and sat down on the front of it. "He had a good point. How can we really raise this child if we don't live together? The baby wouldn't be able to have one stable home." She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it just took what happened last week to make it a reality. I had to start really thinking about things."

"So, it's just for the baby?" Caroline would elbow him in the stomach if she heard the conversation he was having with Elena. As protective as she was over Elena, he was that much more protective of his brother. It wasn't that he didn't like Elena; he thought she was great. She was a wonderful person with a kind heart, but his brother had just gone through a terrible ordeal with Katherine and he didn't want to see him get hurt again.

Damon bent over backwards to protect him from everyone. As children, he'd always taken the blame for something that Stefan did, just so he wouldn't get in trouble. After their mom died, Damon had let him sleep in his room for almost a year because he was scared that he'd wake up one morning and Damon would just be gone too. When he was just starting college and dating a girl that secretly had another boyfriend, the other guy had found out and tried to get into a fight with him, but before he could even defend himself, Damon had stepped in and punched the guy. Damon might say a lot of things that he shouldn't and sometimes Stefan gets caught in the crossfire and hurt, but when it really counts, his brother is always there for him. Stefan couldn't do anything less either.

Elena chuckled softly, but fidgeted uncomfortably. "You sound like I did a couple weeks ago." She looked down at her hands before saying, "Of course the baby plays a part. It's going to play a part in everything from here on out, but it doesn't mean I don't care about Damon. Truth is, I wanted more out of our arrangement far before Damon ever came out and said that he cared about me. I was just apprehensive about moving in because I didn't want the baby to be the only reason he was doing this."

"He wouldn't do that."

"I know that," she admitted quietly. "I just wanted to be sure. This is a really big step in life, you know, and everything happened so quickly. One day he never wanted to be in a relationship again and never wanted kids. Then, he was holding my hand telling me that he'd be here through everything, and he wanted us to live together. I was scared."

Stefan could fully understand where Elena was coming from with her fears. Damon often said the exact opposite of what he truly felt. Hell, most of the time he didn't even realize he felt that way. He was so stubborn that he could convince even himself of a complete lie about his feelings. And it was that belief he'd convinced himself of that probably kept him from sharing certain things with Elena. Damon didn't believe that people wanted to see the real him, so he tried to keep things hidden and forgotten.

"He and Katherine wanted kids," he revealed. He was more than overstepping his bounds here, and Damon would very likely punch him if he heard what he was about to share, but he was doing it for Damon's own good. His inability to face his emotions was his ultimate downfall sometimes. "They were planning to start trying and then everything just went downhill."

"He never told me that," she whispered.

"He wouldn't. Once something has happened, he won't discuss it. Everything about his life with Katherine is completely off-limits now, even to me."

A flash of uncertainty crossed Elena's features. "Is he really over her?"

"Damon would have never divorced her if he wasn't over her. Yes, he loved her, but he's not in love with her." Stefan looked at the bedroom door and listened to see if he could hear any footsteps coming. Satisfied when he heard relative silence, he looked over at Elena. "My brother doesn't just care about you."

"What does that mean?"

"He loves you." A slow look of shock came over Elena as she digested Stefan's words. "Damon is in love with you."


	18. Now Comes the Night

Author's Note: Well, here it is folks...my longest chapter yet. This was a draining one to write. I have talked my beta's ear off about it for over a week now. I think she's edited this thing a million times and talked me through it twice as much. Before we get into it all, I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has left a review! Thanks to all of you, I have over 400 reviews for this story! 400 REVIEWS! It feels so crazy to look at this story and know that so many people have fallen in love with it the way I have. I couldn't write it as well as I do if all of you weren't reading it and commenting. So, thank you! Now, enjoy the chapter, because I'm exhausted, and stay tuned for a small author's note at the end.

**Chapter 17**

**Now comes the night, feel it fading away  
>And the soul underneath, is it all that remains? <strong>

Sawyer's cries could still be heard in the living room of the penthouse. He'd been crying for the better part of an hour now since he woke up prematurely from his nap in Stefan's arms. His normally calm, peaceful nephew was in pure agony today, either unwilling or unable to calm down and go back to sleep.

Caroline had been in the back bedroom with him for twenty minutes before Stefan relented and went to see if he would have any luck with his son, but ten minutes later and Sawyer was as unhappy as ever. He didn't know if he could listen to much more.

"I can't listen to this anymore," he told Alaric, who was staring at the nearly empty bottle of scotch with longing.

"He's definitely making me rethink my relationship with sex." He made the decision to forego a glass and began drinking straight from the bottle.

Damon pushed himself up from the couch and began walking toward the bedroom. "I'll be back there." He didn't knock on the door, figuring the sound would most likely be drowned out by Sawyer's cries anyway. "Hey," he said quietly when he pushed the door open, "What's wrong with him?"

Caroline, who was lying on the bed, her arms draped over her face, groaned and said, "His aunt and uncle have pushed his parents toward the brink of insanity. That's what's wrong."

"This is my fault?" he balked.

His blonde sister-in-law sat up roughly on the bed. "Babies pick up when their parents are stressed. Right now, his parents are stressed because his stupid Aunt Elena showed up and asked his even stupider Uncle Damon to not get married, once again placing his parents in the middle of a situation they don't want to be in the middle of."

"You certainly insert yourself in our business enough to give a differing impression, Caroline," he bit out as he closed the door behind him.

"Not helping," Stefan told his brother as he swayed back and forth with his distraught son in his arms.

"Here," he held out his arms and approached his brother, "Let me see him."

"You better not suffocate my son, Damon," Caroline warned.

Damon retrieved Sawyer from Stefan and adjusted him comfortably in his arms. "If I'm going to suffocate anyone, it's going to be you, sweetheart." His voice was sugary sweet when he spoke to Caroline, but the smile on his face was nothing of the sort.

"Okay, let's keep the death threats to a minimum, please," Stefan pleaded, looking between his annoyed wife and Damon.

"How about you two go make sure Alaric doesn't drown in the alcohol and I'll try to see what I can do about my very unhappy nephew?"

"What exactly can you offer him that Stefan and I haven't tried?" Caroline questioned.

"I don't know if I'd be turning down help at the moment, Caroline." He sighed as his nephew unhappily wailed in his arms, his face bright red, and his fists balled up tightly beneath his chin. He looked how Damon felt.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and held out her hand for Stefan to pull her to her feet. "All of his stuff is in his bag. Work your magic." She briskly walked past Damon and disappeared from the room.

Stefan ran his hand over Sawyer's head and wished Damon a soft, "Good luck," before following in the footsteps of his wife and shutting the door behind him.

Now that he was alone in the room with his nephew, he looked down at Sawyer and said, "Well, looks like it's just you and me buddy." Sawyer blinked up at Damon a few times, surprised by the change in voice, but soon opened his mouth and resumed his Olympic session of crying. "You're just like your dad, you know that?" he quietly asked him, even though hoping for a response would be futile. "He used to cry for hours when he was a baby. My mom would walk the hall with him all night sometimes. I even asked my mom if they could send him back to where he came from so they could fix him, because he was obviously broken." He chuckled softly. "I still stand by that belief. However, it turns out he just had colic, but I tend to think he was just trying to be a pain in my ass, even back then." He halted his steps for a swift moment and looked down at Sawyer again. "Don't tell your parents I said that."

Maybe it was true that he was upset because Stefan and Caroline were stressed, and that was his fault. Well, his fault and Elena's. Sometimes he didn't know how things got so monumentally bad with them. They'd been blissfully happy once, barely able to keep their hands off of each other. She had been the most beautiful woman he'd ever known and even holding her hair back as vomited from morning sickness hadn't been able to change his belief in that. She'd been everything to him, and then they imploded. Nothing happened how it was supposed to, and he'd blamed himself for it.

Damon continued his even strides across the bedroom, hoping the constant motion might do something to calm Sawyer down. "Your mom is right. She and your dad have been put in the middle of everything. Elena and I dragged everyone into it when we went down in flames. We didn't mean to, but everything hurt so much. It was just impossible to not drag someone down with us." Sawyer squirmed in his arms, brushing his tiny hands over his face as his wails began to quiet into soft whimpering. "You won't understand this for a long time, but love changes you. It does things to you that you never thought possible. When you see someone you love in pain, you want to do everything you can to make it better, and knowing that you can't fix it feels like a knife to the chest."

* * *

><p>Elena ran her hands over her stomach, analyzing the subtle changes in her body. To anyone else the differences would be impossible to notice, but as she stood in front of the mirror in Damon's bathroom, clad in only her underwear and a bra, the differences were there. He'd spent many nights memorizing her body over the past few months. As he watched her now, it was easy to see her breasts that had grown fuller from the pregnancy. Her waist was narrower from the weight she'd lost due to her morning sickness. Her stomach remained flat though, no signs yet of the life growing inside of her, but he knew that would come in time.<p>

He leaned against the doorway as she turned to the side to see if she could spot a change in her abdomen. It was then that she spotted him casually watching her, a small smirk on her face. Her eyes met his in the mirror and she questioned, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." He straightened and walked over to her. He gripped her hips softly and turned her to face the mirror again. "Long enough to see you scrutinizing your appearance." His fingers skimmed her bare stomach. "Newsflash, still perfect."

She frowned and looked at his hands on her stomach. "That's up for debate, and I certainly won't be looking like this for much longer. Everything is going to swell, even my ankles."

"I'll still massage your feet, even if you get cankles." He brushed her hair behind her shoulder and pressed a gentle kiss to her neck. "And I'll still think you're the most gorgeous person I've ever seen, no matter how big you get." His breath was hot against her flesh as he continued to litter her neck with kisses.

Her breath hitched in the back of her throat when his mouth closed over a particularly sensitive area. "You'll just be distracted by my breasts."

He chuckled quietly. "And what a lovely distraction they'll be."

She rolled her eyes, though clearly amused by his fascination with her body. "You're such a guy."

"Don't think you'd be in this position if I wasn't." His fingers skimmed the top of her silky underwear. "Speaking of positions."

Elena quickly twisted herself around in his arms and pushed him away from her. "No way," she scolded. "We do not have time for that."

"I'll be quick." He stepped toward her again, reaching his hands out for her, but she easily dodged his advances.

"Stop it!" She held her hand up in warning. "Don't look at me that way. Your brother and Caroline will be here in ten minutes. We have time for nothing beyond you putting on your suit and me putting on my dress."

He groaned and resisted the urge to stomp his foot like a petulant child. "When will you get to the part of pregnancy where you can't get enough of me?"

"Not tonight," she said sarcastically, motioning him further away from her. "Go put on your suit. Go!"

Knowing he had no chance of getting her to cave in right now, he turned on his heel and walked toward his closet. "I hope you're happy with yourself."

"Stop pouting," she called after him, "It's not a good look on you."

"Every look is a good look on me."

"Peek-a-boo, I don't wanna see you!" Caroline's enthusiastic voice rung through the penthouse, reaching Damon's ears all the way in the closet. "That means put your clothes on Damon. I don't need a play-by-play on how you knocked my best friend up!"

Damon rushed into the bathroom, where Elena was slipping into her gown she had hanging up on the bathroom door. "How is Blondie in my house?"

Her eyes met his in the mirror as she adjusted the straps on her gown. "I don't know."

"Did you give her a key like with your last place?" he demanded. When she moved in, he had specifically told her that Caroline was to, under no circumstances, ever have a key, which would give her free reign to enter and leave his home as she saw fit.

She rolled her eyes and turned to face him. "No, I did not give her a key." She smirked and chuckled softly. "But you gave one to your brother when you bought the place."

Dammit, thrown over by his own blood!

"I'm so stealing his hair gel," he mumbled and walked to the bedroom. "Caroline, you come into my bedroom and I will ruin your dress! Are we clear?"

"That's fine," she called back immediately. "I'm just going to entertain myself with picture time."

Damon rolled his eyes. Of course she would. He was beginning to really rethink why he ever liked her to begin with. Elena appeared in the closet, holding her gown up so she could walk without stepping on it. The deep violet colored gown hugged her in all the right places, while flaring out at the bottom, to leave her room to walk. For a moment he was left breathless by how utterly stunning she was. Then, an image of Caroline rummaging through his things flashed through his mind and his mood instantly soured.

Noticing the look on his face, Elena paused and looked down at her dress. "What's wrong? Is it not formal enough? Caroline told me it was fine."

"No, no!" he quickly shook his head. "It's Caroline. Get her out of my office, please," he pleaded with her.

Elena narrowed her eyes suspiciously and walked toward Damon. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he sighed, "I'm fine. I just don't really want to go tonight."

"So we don't go." She shrugged her shoulders like it was the easiest solution in the world. "I am perfectly fine not spending my evening with hundreds of people that I don't know." She brushed her hands over his shoulders, straightening out his suit jacket. "Let's just stay in and have a relaxing evening on the couch. You can cook and I can pick out a movie for us to watch. Then we can take a nice bubble bath and end the evening together in bed, _not_ sleeping. What do you say?"

Her doe brown eyes stared up at him and a small shadow of a smile played on her lips. When her voice dropped into a husky whisper like now and she made promises of an evening that sounded like the best idea he'd heard in a long time, it made it hard to resist. She painted a beautiful picture, and he wished he could take her up on the offer. Unfortunately, this was an evening he couldn't back out of. "I have to go tonight."

"But you don't want to."

"I know, but there's a big potential client there that my dad wants me to land. He would be quite unhappy if I didn't show up."

"In that case," she reached over and grabbed his tie from the large island in the middle of the closet. She placed it around his neck and straightened the narrow material to begin tying it. "We will go tonight and you will turn on that charm that won me over and land this hotshot client." Her eyes were focused intently on her job at hand as she spoke to him, a small smile on her face. "Then, you will dance with me and tell me how pretty I am compared to everyone else in the room. And after all of your duties have been fulfilled, you'll bring me home and rub my tired feet, then maybe focus your attention further north for the rest of the evening."

He smiled broadly. "That's definitely a plan I can get on board with."

She pushed the tie through the small opening and then tightened it until it looked perfect. Satisfied, she lifted her eyes to his and matched his smile. "I thought so."

He set his arms on her waist and pulled her flush against his body. "You're brilliant." He brought his lips to hers in a slow, searching kiss. Her body melted into his, fitting against him perfectly as she opened her mouth beneath his.

"If you're not decent, you have five seconds to cover yourselves up." Stefan's voice interrupted them like a bucket of cold water being thrown over their bodies.

Damon pulled away from Elena and looked over her shoulder to see his brother with his hand covering his eyes. "You can uncover your eyes Stefan. We're fully clothed."

He narrowly parted his fingers and peeked through them to make certain Damon was being truthful before lowering his hand to his side. "Caroline says to stop doing whatever you're doing and hurry up. She doesn't want to be late."

"The whole point of these things is to be late," he groaned.

"Take it up with her. I'm just the messenger."

"Fine, we'll be out in a minute." Once his brother disappeared he glanced down at Elena. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I just need to put my shoes on. You go make sure Caroline isn't going to fall and break her neck trying to find more of your baby pictures." She walked past him and stared down at her row of shoes.

"At this point, I might pull her feet out from under her myself."

"Oh hush," she scolded him. "Go play nice."

He turned to leave, but before he could leave the closet he heard a small hiss slip from Elena's lips. Worried, he turned to her. "Are you okay?"

He walked toward her, but she lifted her hand, halting him where he was. "I'm fine," she assured him, a small grimace on her face. "I just feel a little icky. First trimester stuff, I guess."

"You sure?" he questioned. "Because we can stay in if you don't feel fine. It's not that important."

"Yes, I'm sure," she insisted, "Now go. I'll be out in a minute."

Knowing she wouldn't budge, he sighed and said, "Okay, we'll be in the living room." She shot him a reassuring smile and waved him from the closet. If Elena said it was nothing, he would believe her. Her body was going through all sorts of changes right now and he couldn't seem to keep up.

"Finally!" Caroline exclaimed when Damon showed himself in the living room. "You two take forever to get ready."

He looked at the glass of wine in her hand and stalked over to her. "What bottle of wine did you open?" He snatched the glass from her hand and sniffed it.

"I dunno," she shrugged her shoulders, "70 something Bordeaux."

"That's an eight hundred dollar bottle of wine, Caroline!"

"I was thirsty!" she snapped and ripped the glass back from his hands.

Agitated, Damon turned to his brother. "How much did you let her drink before you came over here?"

"She's only had a couple glasses."

"Blondie is a lightweight and you know it." He turned back to her and pointed a finger in her chest. "Throw up in my limo and I will kill you."

"Okay you two, break it up." Elena glided into the living room, an amused smile on her face. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"

Caroline lifted her glass to her lips and swallowed the rest in one quick gulp. Once finished, she handed the glass to Damon and met Elena in the middle of the room. She looped her arm through Elena's and said, "Tell your boyfriend to stop threatening me."

Elena giggled as they walked to the front door. "Stop pressing his buttons and he'll play nice." They stopped at the open door and Elena turned back to smile at him. "You coming?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." Damon set the glass down on one of his end tables and looked to his brother. "Let's get this over with."

"Just smile," Stefan clapped a hand on Damon's back as they followed after their women, "It will all be over soon enough."

He tried to take those words in and let them keep him calm as they rode to the gala for some children's hospital or something about art – not that anyone actually cared what the event was about. Everyone showed up for his or her picture to be in the society section of the paper and talk business. They wrote checks for the causes, paid thousands of dollars a plate to attend these events – always proving to be a great success for the charity being celebrated that night – but nobody truly paid attention to what they were there for.

If it were up to him, he'd set up a meeting or a business dinner and get everything hammered out in one sitting. He didn't want to spend his night with a tie choking him and counting the number of drinks he'd had, to make sure he could remain sober. He didn't want to compliment their wives and spend the rest of his time fending off pitiful social climbers. It was actually one of the worst parts of his job. He did much better coming up with the advertising campaign ideas and pitching them once he already had the client. Bidding for the client just made him feel ridiculously stupid and no better than half the desperate socialites roaming the crowd.

It would seem luck was on his side tonight though as he spotted Conrad Montgomery within thirty minutes of arriving at the party. Conrad, ever the drinker was already four drinks in when he tracked him down by the bar, and he had a handshake agreement settled in fifteen minutes. His work was officially done. Which left him plenty of time for what he had planned.

He snuck up behind Elena, who was in deep conversation with Caroline and the daughter of one of his clients, Beverly Wilson-Taylor. She was one of the few socialites in New York City that didn't make him want to use his tie as a noose when he ran into her at parties and in the city. She was a pleasant girl who had gone to Columbia for her undergraduate degree and law school, and now worked for her father.

He slid his arms around Elena's waist and pressed his mouth to her ear. "Surprise," he whispered. She had tensed at the feel of his arms around her waist initially, but once she heard his voice, her body relaxed in his eyes. "I'm all done."

She rested her hands over his and twisted her neck to peer up at him. "You close the deal?"

"Informally, but I'm feeling confident." He leaned down and captured her lips with his, ignoring the crowd of people around them.

"You'll have to forgive them." He could hear Caroline's voice as he happily kissed Elena. "They just moved in together, so they're freakishly co-dependent at the moment."

Embarrassed, Elena pulled her lips from his and blushed as she looked at the two women in front of her. "Sorry," she giggled softly.

"Just ignore Caroline, Beverly, I always do."

"Hi Damon," she laughed and shook her head. "My father says hello, by the way. He couldn't come tonight."

Damon looked at Elena and quickly explained. "I run an account for Beverly's dad. We've known each other for years."

"So she was telling me."

He eyed Beverly dangerously. "Beverly wouldn't do that now, would she? Not when she brought her boyfriend and would hate for me to share stories I know."

She held her hands up in surrender. "I said only good things, I promise. You blab to Aidan about anything you know and I'll start spilling everything I have on you."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he assured her. He grabbed Elena's hand and began to walk backwards. "It's been fun ladies, but I believe Elena has a few obligations to fulfill."

"Excuse me," she giggled as Damon pulled her away from the two women. "It was nice to meet you, Beverly." She smiled and turned to allow herself to be pulled into Damon's side. "That was rude."

"Everyone loves you," he whispered into her ear, tugging her more firmly against him.

"Just because I haven't been kicked out doesn't mean that they love me," she said to him as she ran a hand over his lapel.

"They do, they love you," he assured her. He ran his hand over her waist, unable to keep his hands off her in her dress. As gorgeous as she looked in it, he couldn't wait to get her out of it later on. "You look stunning tonight."

A slight blush tinted Elena's cheeks at the compliment. "I think you've had a few drinks."

"I don't have to have any alcohol in me to know that you're the most gorgeous woman in the room tonight." Instead of a smile, Elena winced and squeezed her eyes shut. "Are you okay?" he asked quickly and his heart began to race with worry. This was the second time tonight she'd done that. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," she insisted, but her smile was tight. "I've just been having some cramping today." Before he could interrupt her, she continued on. "The doctor said it was normal though, remember?" Her features relaxed then and some color that had drained from her face began to return. "I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure?" His heart rate was still elevated from the look of pain that had been on her face.

"Yes," her smile widened. "I'm fine, just a little pain. I mean, I am growing something inside of me."

"Okay, if you're sure." He released a shaky breath at her assurances that she really was fine. She still looked a little pale, but he trusted that she'd say something if the pain was too much. It also wasn't like he'd been doing any reading of what was to be expected during pregnancy. He was completely blind about what happened other than it lasting for nine months and labor being supposedly painful.

"I am," she insisted. "Let's dance."

He couldn't deny the opportunity to have a chance to hold her in his arms for a few songs. The music played softly in the background as they swayed to the music. He allowed himself to close his eyes and relax with her body leaning against his. Elena was just supposed to be a distraction from the mess that his life had become during his divorce from Katherine. She was a pretty girl that was only going to be a good time.

At first he'd thought that eventually the need for her would get out of his system. She was 22 and actually nice. She was sweet and had the biggest heart of anyone he'd ever met. Those girls had never been his type before. He knew well enough to know that he would chew them up and spit them out because they'd get boring, but there was nothing boring about Elena Gilbert. The more he learned about her, the more he wanted to know.

When she was with him, his job, his problems, all of them fled his brain, because she was all that he could think about. When she was gone, he would think about the next time he'd see her. He wanted to spend every moment with her that he could. He even found himself wanting to do things because he thought that she'd like them. Hell, he was living with her, after he swore that he'd never have a serious relationship again for as long as he lived.

Her clothes had invaded his closet and her products had completely overrun his bathroom, but he didn't care. It was nice coming home to a welcoming face every evening. It felt good to not have to rush out in the morning so he could return to his place and get dressed for work. He hadn't felt this comfortable with anyone since Katherine, and it was nice to have that feeling back again.

After another song ended, he pulled away from her. "Thank you for coming with me tonight," he told her softly.

"Thank you for asking me to come." She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on his mouth, but pulled away before he had the chance to deepen it.

"Now that's not a proper kiss," he chided her.

"I promise to give you a proper kiss later. Right now, I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"Don't take too long." They made their way off the dance floor, dodging the other couples that were still dancing. "You never know who might try to swoop in and steal me away."

"Well, I'm having your baby, so unless they can top that, I think I'm good." She smiled cheekily at him, and he was filled with elation. A few weeks ago, she never would have made a joke about the baby. Knowing that she's grown more comfortable with being pregnant, gives him a feeling of comfort that he'd been waiting for. She placed a quick kiss on his cheek before walking off to the bathroom, disappearing in the crowd as she went.

"I think it's official, you're whipped," Stefan said as he sidled up next to Damon, an arm wrapped securely around Caroline's waist.

"Didn't you just have to buy tampons for Caroline last week?" Damon questioned his brother, a taunting smile on his face. Stefan blanched at the question while Caroline giggled softly beside him. "I think it's safe to say that I've got a long way to go before I've reached your levels of whipped."

"You're an ass," Stefan grumbled.

"I won't deny it."

"Give it a rest, you two," Caroline grumbled. "We could use a night without the two of you picking on each other."

"Would you rather I pick on you?" Damon teased her.

She smirked superiorly. "Do that and I'll tell Elena. You know how testy she can get right now."

Damon opened his mouth, a biting comment on the tip of his tongue, but before he could, a voice sliced through their group, "Damon, Stefan." Both brothers looked up to see their father coming toward them. "Caroline," Giuseppe's voice was much kinder toward his daughter-in-law than it had been to his children. For some reason unknown to Damon, his father actually liked Caroline.

"Father," Damon greeted his dad stiffly. He was still upset with how his father had treated Elena.

"Marriage obviously agrees with the two of you," Giuseppe told Stefan and Caroline.

"Well, we're still in the honeymoon phase," Caroline beamed up at Stefan. "We'll see how I feel about him in a few months."

"Any hopes of giving me a grandchild anytime soon?" he questioned.

Caroline smiled brightly, never allowing her composure to falter for a moment. "Not for a while, Giuseppe. I think I can safely say that is fully on Elena for now."

"So, where is Elena?" his father asked.

Damon frowned at the mention of her, realizing that she still wasn't back from the bathroom. He glanced around the ballroom, but she was nowhere to be seen. "She went to the bathroom," he finally answered.

"God, she's probably sick _again_," Caroline groaned. "I'll go check on her."

Caroline gave Stefan a quick kiss on the lips before going off to find Elena.

"Have you proposed yet?"

Stefan choked on his drink at the question. "You're proposing to Elena?"

"No," Damon bit out, aggravated that his father would bring up the topic here, of all places. "I'm not proposing. Dad thinks to save face that Elena and I should have a shotgun wedding."

"Elena would not say yes to that."

Damon rolled his eyes at his brother. "I know that."

"So, you haven't proposed?" his father asked again.

"No, dad, I haven't proposed and I don't plan to. Elena and I are fine with our arrangement."

"And what would that be?"

Damon opened his mouth to respond, but a panicked scream sliced through the ballroom, halting all conversations. "Somebody help!"

Stefan and Damon looked at each other, eyes wide. "That's Caroline," Stefan said.

They both took off toward the bathroom, Stefan in the lead as he rushed to find his wife. They shoved through the crowd that was beginning to gather, pushing everyone out of their way as they tried to get to the bathroom.

Stefan burst through the door, Damon hot on his heels. They came to a sudden halt inside the bathroom, the door slamming loudly behind them. Caroline was crouched down on the floor, an unconscious Elena lying below her, a small pool of blood trailing from beneath her. "Oh god," he gasped and dropped to his knees beside her. "What happened?"

Caroline's hands shook as they ran over Elena's hair spread out on the floor. "I don't know. I came in and she was saying how the pain was getting so much worse. And then there was blood," her voice caught on a strangled sob. "Oh god, there was just blood all over her legs, and she passed out."

"I'll get a doctor." Damon looked up at Stefan, whose face was ashen at the site of Elena's lifeless body on the floor.

"Hurry," he told him, and Stefan quickly fled back into the ballroom. "She said she was fine," he mumbled to himself, recalling her cramping earlier. "She told me she was fine."

Stefan came back into the bathroom, a tall man in his 40's right behind him. Caroline moved out of the way so the doctor could sit next to Elena. "Do you know what happened?" he asked as he lifted Elena's hand and began determining her pulse.

"She hates blood," Caroline informed him quietly as Stefan helped to pull her to her unsteady feet. "She kept talking about pain and when she saw the blood, she dropped."

"She's pregnant," Damon told him. "She said she was cramping, but it wasn't bad."

"How far along is she?"

"Um, twelve weeks," he said. "She had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and everything was fine. They said the heartbeat was good and that it was developing well. They told us the baby was fine."

"Cramping or spotting on their own can be normal in the first trimester, but together it typically indicates a miscarriage." Caroline whimpered softly in Stefan's arms. "The hospital should be able to tell you more."

His eyes met the doctor's over Elena's still form. "But there's a chance everything is fine, right?"

The doctor looked down at Elena and back up at Damon. His face gave everything away; revealing that, no, everything wasn't fine. He didn't break this news to Damon though, not wanting to upset him even more. "There is a chance that everything will be okay."

Before he could interrogate the doctor further, Elena's hand clenched tightly in his grasp. Her eyes fluttered rapidly until they slid open enough to reveal pain and agony. "Hey," he whispered hoarsely, "What happened?"

"So much blood," she cried. "Something is wrong! It hurts – it hurts too bad!"

"Elena," the doctor intervened gently, pulling her attention away from Damon, "Do you think you can sit up?"

She nodded weakly and leaned her weight against Damon as he helped her to a seated position. Her body immediately tensed and her head fell to Damon's chest. "Oh god," she groaned. "Make it stop."

"You need to get her to a hospital," the doctor recommended calmly. "They can give something for the pain and tell you what's wrong."

Damon nodded as a numb sensation began pulsing through his body. With Elena burrowing against him, he couldn't allow his thoughts to go there. As he felt her tears slowly soaking through his shirt, he knew this was on him. It was on him to be strong and steady through this night.

"Hey," Stefan's hand closed supportively over his shoulder, "Everything is going to be okay. She'll be fine."

He turned to his brother then, a pleading look on his face. "You have to get everyone out of here," he begged. "No one can see this."

"Okay," he nodded, more than willing to help his brother in any way possible, "I'll get rid of everyone."

"Elena," he gently rubbed his hand over her hair, "We have to go to the hospital." He looked up at a shaken Caroline in the corner. "Call 911."

"No!" Elena shook her head back and forth, her small fists clenching at his jacket. "I don't want an ambulance, Damon. I don't want one, please."

He looked down at her and rested a hand on her damp face. "We have to go to the hospital. We have to do something."

"So we'll go, but I don't want an ambulance."

"Take the limo," Caroline said quietly. "He shouldn't be far. It will be quicker than an ambulance anyway."

Damon pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and tossed it to Caroline. "Call Shawn, tell him to meet us at the back entrance. Now!" Damon turned his attention back to Elena. "Alright, we have to go, okay?" When Elena nodded weakly he adjusted her in his arms and stood up, holding her tightly to his body.

Her arms twined around his neck and she buried her face into his chest. "What's happening?" she whispered brokenly.

"I don't know."

Damon wasn't a man that lived in denial. He often faced the truth, despite the devastating pain it sometimes caused, but he needed a sense of denial right now. His brain wouldn't allow him to think of the possibilities. Caroline was obviously thinking of them. The doctor was obviously thinking of them. Even though his brother was being supportive, he was obviously thinking of them. It was him that could not think of them, because if he thought of what might be, then it might be real. It was simply not a place he could go to yet.

Caroline quickly fell into step beside him as he carried Elena through the now empty ballroom. "Shawn is on his way and Stefan said your dad said something to get everyone to the roof."

His steps momentarily faltered at the news that his father had actually done something to help him. He quickly recovered though, not allowing the news to effect him in any way. "At least he's finally useful for something."

When they reached the elevators, Caroline reached out and pressed the button, leaving Damon to simply stand with a now silent Elena in his arms. She was no longer crying or whimpering in pain. He looked down at her to see her eyes focused on the air in front of her. There was no emotion or pain to be seen in her eyes as she stared into nothing. She was preparing for the worst.

Seeing the blank look in her eyes seemed to pull him down with her, submerging him beneath a black pool of water that only pulled him deeper as they all loaded into the limo, now joined by Stefan. Shawn, understanding the urgency got them to the hospital as quickly as he could, but as he held Elena's stiff body against him, he knew it wasn't quick enough. Every few minutes she'd groan and bury her head into his chest.

Caroline was clenching Stefan's hand so hard his fingers were turning red, as she tried to keep her emotions under control. Stefan had his gaze firmly locked on Damon, watching for signs of distress from his brother. Damon though, he just stared down at Elena, wishing he could take the pain away. He knew that this wasn't right, it wasn't like before and he felt completely useless. There was nothing he could do except wait until they knew something.

And he was scared. Oh god was he scared.

"We'll go get clothes for Elena," Caroline said when they reached the hospital and Damon was helping her out of the limo. "Call us if anything happens while we're gone."

"Okay," he told them and closed the door. His heart plummeted when he turned and looked down at Elena and the dark stain that had grown on her dress. "We have to get you inside."

"Blood" and "cramping" seemed to be the magical words of entrance in the emergency room tonight, for the second he stated Elena's situation to the man checking people in, they were immediately ushered into a private room. He also figured the fact that he'd been sure to give his name had helped their accommodations substantially. A nurse was in the room in an instant, handing Elena a gown and taking all of the information about what was currently happening. With each answer Elena gave, he could see the look of forced composure come down a little more on the woman's face. Her voice remained steady and calm as she spoke with Elena, but her eyes told a different story indeed. Everyone knew what he couldn't let himself know.

After she was finished with her round of questions, the nurse stood and placed a comforting hand on Elena's arm. "I've already called the OB-GYN on staff tonight. I'll make sure she's in here as soon as possible." Elena nodded mutely, but couldn't stop the tears that filled her eyes when the nurse squeezed her arm. "Hang in there for a little bit longer."

When she exited the room, closing the door softly behind her, Elena dropped her head to the stiff pillow behind her. "This isn't going to end how it did last time, is it?"

Damon grabbed Elena's hand and sat down next to her on the bed. "We don't know that. We can't think like that right now."

She clenched her eyes closed and shook her head. "I thought it was normal."

"I know."

"There's so much blood." The image of her bloodstained dress flashed through his mind, a sight that would undoubtedly haunt him for the rest of his life.

True to the nurse's word, the doctor entered, a serious expression on her face. Damon rose from the bed and turned to watch as she read over Elena's chart. With a small sigh, she removed her glasses and looked at both of them. "I know this is a horrible ordeal that you are both going through," she began gently.

"What's happening?" Elena's voice was small and timid as she stared up at the woman that would deliver their fate to them.

"I'm sorry."

Damon watched as the doctor's mouth continued to move. He knew there were words pouring out, but he couldn't hear a sound. He'd lost all ability to understand anything happening around him. What he did know is that it's gone. It was all over. The world spun around him and the floor was ripped from beneath his feet, sending him into a dizzying free fall into darkness he'd never known.

He was paralyzed, unable to speak or move as he watched Elena's world shatter before her eyes. The doctor was still speaking to her, but she seemed to be digesting about as much as Damon was. Her gaze was locked on her strained hands on her lap. Drops of moisture were pooling on her wrist, marking a clear trail down her skin and disappearing into the white blanket settled over her legs. Her head never lifted, even as the doctor ran what was supposed to be a reassuring hand down her back. He wanted to reach out, say something, do anything, but he had nothing.

"Caroline," Elena choked out when the doctor left the room, "I want Caroline." He only nodded his head, unable to provide her with any words of comfort.

Silently, he left the room and traveled through the hallways. He found them just where he'd left them, huddled together in two chairs in the corner, Caroline's head resting tiredly on Stefan's shoulders. His brother was the first to spot him and he quickly nudged at Caroline's shoulder before jumping to his feet. His face crumbled when he saw his brother's face. Caroline gasped and her hand flew to her mouth as tears quickly flooded her eyes. She sent a devastated look in her husband's direction and then set off in a run down the long hallway to her best friend.

Damon turned to watch her for a moment before turning to look back at his brother. As Stefan came closer to him, Damon dejectedly shook his head, looked toward the stairwell, and made a beeline for the door. The heavy door slammed loudly in the stairwell, echoing through the empty space. His feet carried him down the six flights of stairs it took to get him to the ground level and that much closer to actual air outside of these suffocating walls. He couldn't breathe in this place for another moment. He wasn't even supposed to be here.

Tonight was supposed to consist of holding Elena in his arms through countless songs on the dance floor. He was supposed to make fun of his brother and tell Caroline what an utter pain in his ass that she was. He was supposed to bite his tongue and resist throwing a drink in his father's face, no matter how badly he wanted to. And at the end of it all, he was supposed to go home with Elena, make love to her, and fall asleep knowing that his world was right again. This wasn't the plan.

These thoughts consumed him as he rushed outside into the cold, late winter air of New York. His lungs burned with shock as he swallowed a cold mouthful of oxygen.

"Damon," Stefan called as he followed him into the night.

"I'm not leaving, I just need a minute." His words were hoarse and choked as he spoke to Stefan, unable to turn around and face him. Seeing his face would be the last thread breaking on his composure. He had to keep it together for Elena. When he walked back into that hospital room, he had to be strong and solid, able to bear the weight of her sorrow.

"Damon." He could hear the agonizing strain in his brother's voice. "_Damon_."

He stopped just inside the courtyard, his feet unable to carry him any further. A crippling groan fell from his lips as his body doubled over and he struggled to rest his weight on his knees. The air was coming out in rapid gasps as he tried to remain in control. Drops of moisture gathered on the blurred concrete below him, and when he felt the burning in his eyes, it was then he realized he was crying.

Every fiber of his being screamed out in pain as he fought against the grueling despair within him. When his brother's hand came down on his back, he felt the last hold he had on his control snap. "Stefan, please just," he choked out, but his voice could carry on no longer.

"I know," his brother whispered. "I know."

For sixteen years, Damon had walked around believing that the pain he'd felt from his mother's death would be the worst pain he'd ever have to endure in his life. He knew not that anything would ever reach the magnitude of the heartbreak he'd lived through as a young child. Standing here tonight, in this courtyard, he found that there was a pain greater than losing one's mother. This, what he felt right now, was worse than even the hardest days after her death. He was supposed to be a dad; they'd heard the heartbeat and seen the baby. However small and grainy it might have appeared on the screen, he'd seen it – it was there. And now it just wasn't?

He didn't know how to make sense of that. One day it's there and Elena is yelling at him because she's thrown up yet again. The next, he's holding a bloodstained gown and watching what was supposed to be the mother of his unborn child cry in pain on a hard hospital bed. Where did it all go so horribly wrong?

"What do I do, Stefan?" he questioned brokenly. "What do I do?" Knowing he was beyond the point of no return, he straightened and turned to face his brother. Tears shone brightly in his green eyes that conveyed every agonizing thought that filtered through his brain.

Distraught, Stefan shook his head, searching for words that he couldn't quite reach. "I don't know." He reached out and slid his hands over Damon's neck. "I need you to tell me what to do. What can I do? What do you need me to do?"

"You can't do anything! None of us can!" He screamed and shoved his brother's hands away from him. He may be falling right now, but he hadn't crashed into the bottom yet. "God, how did this happen? She was fine. All of her numbers were great. The heartbeat was solid. We saw the baby." He turned and pointed a finger in Stefan's direction. "You saw the ultrasounds. Everything was fine! How is this happening?"

"I wish I knew," Stefan spoke quietly, choosing his words with the utmost care. He was walking through an emotional minefield scattered with dozens of mines that could explode at any wrong move, which would result in Damon exploding into a million pieces of shrapnel that aimed to kill.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, Stefan!" he shouted. "I did everything right. I fell for her and made her my girlfriend. I moved her in. I abandoned work to take her to the hospital when she had the scare a few weeks ago. God, I even let her keep her stupid N'Sync albums! I did everything right!" With a shuddered scream, he kicked at one of the small tables.

"I know that, Damon." Stefan tried to approach him calmly, but when it resulted in Damon kicking over a chair, he maneuvered himself directly in front of his older brother. "I know that! I do!" he assured him, holding his neck to keep him firmly in place. "I wish I had a reason for you for why this happened, but I don't. All I know is that sometimes, these things happen. We don't have a reason for it or an answer for how we're supposed to adapt to it. We just have to figure out a way to swim through it all until we get back to solid ground."

"How am I supposed to find solid ground in this, Stefan?" he demanded. "I'm drowning here, and there are no lifeboats."

"I am your lifeboat – _me_. I am your brother and I am on your side, whatever you need. No matter what happens when you walk back into that hospital or when you go home, I'm still gonna be your brother and I'm always going to _be_ _your brother_."

Damon listened to his brother's passionate declaration, but it did little to alleviate his pain. His hands gripped his brother's shirt roughly in his fingers, clasping desperately to the material. "I wanted this baby, Stefan," he revealed sadly. "I didn't realize how much I did until I saw the ultrasound, but I did. Now it's just gone."

"I'm sorry," Stefan choked out.

"What am I gonna do, Stefan? I don't know how to do this." Upstairs, Elena was living through the worst night of her life in a cold, lonely hospital room. She needed him in a way she didn't need him when she'd found out she was pregnant and he didn't know how to be there for her. He fixed things; that's what he did, but he couldn't fix this. He couldn't make it better or easier for her. "I don't know how to fix this."

"You can't." Stefan's reply was calm but blunt. "This isn't an account at work. You can't fix this. You have to be there for Elena. That's all you can do."

"I don't know if I can do that."

His brother roughly nodded his head. "Yes you do. You've taken care of me my entire life. You can do that for Elena. Both of you have to be there for each other right now."

Damon glanced into the desolate hospital and knew his brother was right. When he'd found out Elena was pregnant, he told her that they were in this together. Now that everything had fallen apart, that couldn't change. They were still in this together. Even though she'd asked for Caroline, she needed him too. He shouldn't be outside the hospital kicking things; he should be with Elena, holding her hand through it all.

"I have to go to her," he quickly told his brother. "I have to see her."

He rushed back up to Elena's room, ready to do what she needed him to do. The hospital room was quiet and dark when Damon entered it. Caroline's attention shifted to him as he closed the door quietly behind him. Tears glistened in her eyes while she held her best friend that was lying next to her, her head resting gently on the blonde's shoulders. When Caroline nudged her softly she lifted her head and turned to look at Damon. Her face was stained from the tears she'd shed and her eyes were puffy. She sniffled quietly and he went to her side.

Caroline climbed out of the bed as Damon peeled off his suit jacket and kicked off his shoes. She quietly told Elena she'd be outside and exited the room. He walked around the bed and climbed onto the side Caroline had vacated. Elena had to move over a little bit to allow him to comfortably fit, but he slid an arm beneath her and pulled her against him. She shuddered against him, but rested her head on his shoulder and curled into his side.

They remained like this for some time, his hand idly running through her hair as he tried to process everything in his head. He couldn't believe how quickly everything changed. When he watched her standing in their bathroom just a few hours ago, scrutinizing her body that was supposed to change and grow over the next few months, he hadn't prepared himself for this. After the scare a few weeks ago, he'd told himself that everything would be fine. The doctor in the ER and Elena's OB-GYN had told them that everything would be fine. He had no reason to believe otherwise. So, how had this happened? It was a question he couldn't get out of his mind.

He didn't know if he'd asked the question aloud or if the same thoughts were running through Elena's head too when she began to speak. "The doctor said there wasn't anything I could have done," Elena's voice carried softly through the room, but weighed over them like a heavy rock. "She said sometimes these things just happen, that it could have meant there was something wrong with the pregnancy."

His chest constricted painfully as he heard her speak, her voice hollow and broken. "But everything looked fine."

"I guess everything wasn't fine."

"Are they keeping you overnight?"

Her head shook against his chest. "The nurse is going to bring me my discharge papers soon. I should pass everything on my own, but I have to follow up with my OB-GYN in a few days to make sure."

"What does that mean?"

"If I haven't, then they have to—" she sucked back a soft cry and whimpered, "I just want to go home."

At that moment, the door to her room opened and the nurse from earlier slowly entered the room. "I have your discharge papers."

Elena weakly reached out and grabbed the pen from the nurse's extended hand. She barely glanced at the paper as she signed where the nurse pointed and handed the pen right back. "I can go now?"

"Yeah." The nurse nodded. "Here are your instructions from the doctor and she wrote you a prescription for pain medication."

"Thank you," Damon acknowledged when Elena stared wordlessly at her hand while the nurse began to pull the IV from her skin. He slowly pulled his arm from beneath Elena and got out of the bed. He walked over to a small bag that he'd had Caroline get earlier. "My brother and Caroline got you some clothes when we first got here." He pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. "I figured the dress was—" he quickly cut himself off. "Anyway, here." She grabbed the offered clothes from him and carefully climbed out of the hospital bed. He walked over to her to help her, but she shrugged him off, saying she could handle it. "I'll just, I'll tell Stefan and Caroline you've been discharged. I'll be back in a minute."

He put his shoes and coat back on and watched her for a moment, waiting for her to say something, but when she remained focused on changing into her clean clothes, he sighed and headed toward the door. Stefan and Caroline were in the waiting room again, waiting patiently for Damon to return and tell them something. "How is she?" Caroline asked when he approached them.

"She's been discharged, so she's changing into the clothes you brought. She just wants to go home."

Caroline stared sadly up at him, eyes wide and filled with compassion. "I'm so sorry, Damon."

He ran a tired hand down his face. "It's really late. You two can go home now. I'll call you in the morning."

Stefan nodded numbly. "You know I sleep with my phone on. Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

"I mean it, Damon." He stepped closer to him and rested his hands on his shoulders. "Call me." When Damon nodded Stefan pulled him into a gentle embrace. Despite their closeness, the brothers rarely hugged, but as Stefan hugged him now, he allowed him, knowing it was comforting to his brother, even if he couldn't be comforted himself right now. After a moment, he pulled away and slowly shook his head. "Love you."

Damon nodded and tried to smile. "Love you too, Stef."

Caroline reached out and ran a hand down his arm. She sucked in a breath and said, "I'll bring you breakfast tomorrow. Tell Elena I love her."

"Okay." The newlyweds clasped their hands together and sighed sadly before turning and going toward the elevator.

Damon watched them until they got into the elevator before he turned and went back to Elena's room. She was shoving her dress in the trashcan with an aggravated shove when he opened the door. Startled, she turned to face him. "It's ruined, no point in taking it home."

"Elena, I'm sure there's something –"

"I don't want the dress, Damon!" she snapped, but quickly reeled back in shock, her eyes wide. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just don't want the dress, okay?" He nodded his head. "Can we leave now? I don't want to be here anymore."

"Yeah, that sounds good." He grabbed the small overnight bag from her and allowed her to slowly pass him.

He watched as she exhaustedly walked in front of him, her steps short and heavy. Her hair was now pulled back into a tight ponytail and her hands were shoved deep into the pockets of her jacket that Caroline had also brought. Her tennis shoe-clad feet squeaked softly as she walked down the hallway, and she seemed to attract curious glances from the hospital personnel that she passed. Everyone seemed to understand the couple was leaving with anything but good news, and he found himself also on the receiving end of sad, sympathetic gazes. A part of him wanted to tell them to stop looking, he didn't need their sympathy. What he needed was for someone to have done something to make this not happen. They couldn't do anything for him now.

Having sent Shawn home already, they were stuck trying to find a cab at three in the morning in the softly falling snow of New York City. The streets, which had been clear when they arrived, were now coated with a thin dusting of pristine, white snow. As he finally hailed them a cab and climbed in after Elena he was aware that there was something ironic in the beauty of the city tonight.

Unlike the ride to the hospital, he did not hold Elena in his arms. She remained a safe distance away, her head resting against the cool window, staring blankly ahead. He wanted to reach for her, feel her hand in his, but it didn't seem possible right now. No form of comfort would help her right now, and if there was something that could, he didn't know what it was. All he could do was watch her and remain silent.

"That will be nine dollars," the driver said from the front seat, shocking Damon out of his distant state.

He pulled the money out of his wallet and passed it through the small window and climbed out of the car. Elena exited through the other side and slowly rounded the taxi, her eyes cast downward to the sidewalk. The nighttime security guard greeted them with a welcoming smile, but Elena passed him without a glance. Damon could only bring himself to nod his head in the doorman's direction. He didn't seem to be able to pretend any longer. He couldn't smile and act like things were fine when they had fallen completely apart.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Elena informed him quietly when they entered the penthouse they'd been so happy in just a short time ago.

He followed her into the bedroom, but when she turned for the bathroom, he went to the bed. The running water sounded a few moments later as he pulled off his jacket and dropped it to the floor, not caring about leaving a mess. As he turned to the dresser and pulled his tie loose, his eye caught the ultrasound picture that Elena had taped to the mirror three weeks ago. With heavy steps, he approached the mirror and stared at what was no longer there.

That had been the first time they'd gotten to hear the heartbeat. It would be the only time they'd get to hear it. His shaky fingers reached out and traced over the small shape that was their baby. A sob fought to break free, but he held it in, refusing to give into everything.

Elena did not seem to be winning this battle he was fighting. He heard a strangled cry come from the bathroom followed by a muffled scream. He stumbled back, his legs giving out under his weight just before he made it to his bed. Broken, he leaned back against the bed and pulled his legs up until his feet were flat on the floor. The tears that could barely come at the hospital now flowed freely as he shattered on his bedroom floor.

All the signs had been there, right in front of him. She was in pain and he'd seen it. He knew it, but he didn't do anything. He should have done something. When she suggested staying home, he should have agreed. Maybe he would have figured it out sooner. Or if he'd just insisted on going to the hospital even when she said she was fine. If he'd just done something different, he could have changed it. He could have fixed it. All he'd had to do was try, but he'd done nothing. He was supposed to protect her and be there for her, but when she'd needed him, he insisted that they go to some stupid party that didn't mean anything.

Now, as he listened to the devastated sobs coming from the shower, he knew he'd failed her. He'd failed, and he wouldn't be able to fix this.

Author's Note: There is is, folks. I know many of you saw this coming a mile away, and were nervous and now it's finally happened. This was a hard chapter to write. I am completely emotionally drained right now. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep, I'm so tired. I told you all you'd start to get answers soon though, and now is that time.


	19. Fallen

**Chapter 18**

**I've fallen  
>I have sunk so low<br>I have messed up  
>Better I should know<strong>

The bathroom was completely silent as Sarah and Beverly stared at her, sympathetic and sad expressions on their faces. For the first time since it happened, she'd actually told the story of what had happened that night. When she lost the baby, she'd been unable to speak about it for months, and she never could bring herself to really say what had happened.

The pain and guilt had pulled her into a dark abyss that she was still swimming her way out of. Everyone told her that what she was doing would only make things worse and that she needed to talk to someone, but she hadn't listened. She hadn't been able to listen, and it cost her everything.

"I didn't leave the bed for two days after it happened," she recounted quietly.

"I'm so sorry," Beverly whispered. "No one ever knew."

Elena nodded. "Giuseppe made sure that nobody would find out. Not that we wanted anyone to know."

"He told everyone you had food poisoning."

"I'm surprised he mentioned me at all." Giuseppe had made a habit of trying to keep her as unattached to Damon as possible once she lost the baby. In his eyes, she'd ruined his son. Damon had been meant for big things and she had been keeping him from that. In Giuseppe's eyes, she was the worst thing that had ever happened to his son.

Some days she agreed with him.

Damon had needed her after the miscarriage and she'd been too lost in her own grief to see it. Once she did, she simply hadn't had the strength to help him. A part of her hadn't wanted to.

For twenty-two years old, she'd been through a lot of pain and heartache. When she lost the baby, it had changed something inside of her. The strong girl she'd believed herself to be was a ghost, and all she'd wanted to do was give up, even if that meant taking him down with her.

* * *

><p>The alarm went off at six a.m., the same time it went off every morning. Just like every morning for the past month, Elena was already wide-awake, staring blankly at the ceiling above her. Same as every morning, Damon grunted and slammed his hand down on the offensive black box, effectively silencing the room once again. He rolled onto his back, just like always, and mimicked her act of staring at everything and nothing all at the same time.<p>

This was their morning routine now. No longer did his hands begin a slow crawl down her abdomen, nor did she pull him to her side of the bed. They remained safely apart and laid in silence for sometimes a full thirty minutes before Damon would roll out of bed and tiredly pad into the shower. This was their life.

One month ago, her life fell apart in the blink of an eye. She'd smiled at Damon and excused herself to go to the bathroom, because despite what she'd said, she had started to grow worried about the cramping, and it felt like she was bleeding. At first, the cramps had been sporadic and light. As the night went on though, the pain grew and by the time they were at the party, they were nearing the point of unbearable. She'd tried to hide it from him, telling herself that it was normal, even though a part of her realized that something was very wrong. The books had all said the same thing though – if she was truly miscarrying, nothing could be done, and she hadn't been ready to admit the truth until she felt the warm liquid on her legs.

When she went to the bathroom, what she'd found would haunt her every moment since. She stood in the stall and looked down, and all she could see was blood. Her whole life she had hated blood and seeing so much red had sent her to the verge of unconsciousness. She didn't know how long she'd stood frozen in the bathroom as the blood began to run down her legs, but then Caroline came in and she panicked. Caroline had gasped when Elena came out of the stall, her dress pulled up to her knees. She'd questioned what was happening, and suddenly Elena was crying and talking about blood and how it hurt more with each moment. Then, as the blood pooled beneath her and another wave of pain hit her, everything went hazy. Caroline's voice turned to silence and her eyes widened as she watched Elena falter on her feet. The last thing she remembered was Caroline lunging for her, arms outstretched to try and catch her, and then there was blackness.

She didn't know how long she was out, but when she woke up, Damon was hovering above her, a petrified expression on his face. Everything came rushing back to her as the pain enveloped her body, and some doctor began telling them to go to the hospital. She hadn't wanted to go. She knew that it would bring nothing good to her, but Damon had insisted and she hadn't had the strength to fight him. As he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the limo, the reality truly began to set in. She knew that it wasn't going to end well. The baby they had been so upset about at first would be gone, and there'd be nothing that she could do to stop it.

It was this that tortured her each and every day. The loss in and of itself was horrific and she still felt like there was a hole inside of her that couldn't be filled, but it was the knowledge that she hadn't wanted this child that ripped her apart inside. She'd spent weeks thinking that her life had practically been ruined. Every time she felt that familiar wave of morning sickness and fled to the bathroom, she wondered why it was happening to her. It was only when they had that scare in his office that she'd turned a corner and started to trust in Damon and her ability to figure everything out. And before she could truly appreciate any of it, it was all over.

Damon tried to talk to her and be there for her, but his own pain kept a distance between them that seemed impossible to cross. Caroline called her every single day, and even saw her most days as well, but her unflinching strength and positivity had done nothing to pull her from this darkness. Bonnie, who had been away on a business trip the night of the miscarriage, was nearly a shadow these days, coming over every morning before she left for work to see how Elena was doing. She suspected that her friend was really just coming to check that she was still alive. Her best friends had a tag team effort going on, surrounding her at nearly all times that Damon wasn't around, treating her like she was a psych patient on suicide watch. Some days, she knew it was true.

This wasn't her first loss she'd gone through in her life. No, she'd lost her parents years ago. She thought it was that loss that made this one so much harder to handle. It was easy to overcome one great loss in your lifetime, but to overcome two in just a few short years seemed like a battle she didn't know how to win. Truthfully, most days she wasn't even fighting. She spent her time doing a whole bunch of nothing. She wandered around in her pajamas, moved from sleeping in bed to sleeping on the couch and then back to the bed. The only thing she accomplished most days was going to work. It was the only thing she found she could truly still do. Serving alcohol to hundreds of people every night provided her with a hearty distraction from her life.

Beside her, Damon's morning limit of hoping Elena would speak finally ran out and she shifted her eyes to watch him roll out of bed. His boxers rode low on his hips and his head hung low, staring at the ground for a few moments, as if willing his feet to move forward. When he finally took that first step, he looked over to their dresser, his eyes finding the small ultrasound picture that was still taped to the mirror. Every morning he looked at it and every morning he looked back at her, glancing down at her abdomen like he might find a protruding bump beneath the comforter. Every morning when the covers remained as flat as the night before, his eyes darkened and he turned away before making his way to the bathroom and closing the door with a hollow slam.

Today was no different. His eyes darkened as always and he then turned his back to her. The muscles rippled when he straightened his back and began the slow march to the bathroom. She could count it down perfectly – in exactly twelve steps and nine seconds, the door would close and she'd be left alone in bed for thirty minutes. She never got out of bed and made breakfast or joined him in the bathroom. She didn't even roll to her side or stomach, just remained immobile on her back, her hands resting just below her bust. The shower would run for exactly thirteen minutes before shutting off. The sink would run for one minute as he brushed his teeth. Then, everything would go silent, save for the occasional footsteps that could be heard on the tile. Sixteen minutes later he would emerge, dressed for the day and return to his side of the bed.

At 6:53, he emerged from the bathroom in a black suit and black tie. He didn't look at her as he made his way to his nightstand. He reached down and retrieved his watch from next to his phone and easily slid it onto his wrist and clasped it into place. Next, he picked up his wallet and slipped it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. Finally, he unplugged his phone from charging and held it firmly in his hands. Now, he was supposed to bid her a brisk goodbye for the day, but today, he looked across the bed at her, meeting her watchful eyes.

"We have dinner at my father's at 7:15. I'll be home at 6:45 to pick you up." She mutely nodded her head. With a sigh, he glanced down at his watch. "I'll see you later."

He watched her for a moment, almost waiting for her to say something, but she said nothing. She had seen Giuseppe once, for all of five minutes, since she had the miscarriage, and while he wasn't rude, he hadn't exactly been sympathetic. He and Damon fought that night, about what she didn't know, but when they returned home, he locked himself in his office for three hours. When he'd emerged from the office at just after one in the morning, she had already been in bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling and hoping sleep would somehow come to her. He didn't bother with his normal routine, simply stripped off his suit and climbed into bed, only to immediately lie on his side with his back to her. She watched him for fifteen minutes with his breathing never evening out before she quietly whispered into the night, "I'm sorry your dad is mad at you."

"He's not mad, Elena," he'd whispered in return, "He's relieved."

"I'm still sorry." He didn't say anything to her again that night.

Tonight would now mark the first time she'd seen Giuseppe since that night and also the first time being around more than two people at once since the miscarriage. It was just going to be Giuseppe, Stefan, and Caroline, but conversation would be required, and she didn't have much to offer.

After staring at her for a few minutes, Damon said, "Tell Bonnie I said hi," and then turned to leave.

For the first time in she didn't know how many days, she called out to him, "Damon." He twisted around to face her, surprise on his face that she'd spoken. She did her best to offer him a smile, though it appeared tight and sad. "Happy Birthday." He nodded and then left the bedroom.

The front door opened and closed a few moments later and she was alone in the penthouse. According to the clock, she would have roughly fifteen minutes until Bonnie showed up. That should give her enough time to brush her teeth, pull her hair into a messy ponytail, and relocate to the couch to turn on the Today Show. The shower could come later.

She knew that she was beginning to wear thin on everyone. She was wearing thin on herself. It just felt like she was drowning though and she couldn't pull herself out of the water. So, when Bonnie showed up just a few minutes later, she found Elena still in bed, huddled under the thick covers. She removed her shoes and climbed onto the bed to sit next to Elena. Wordlessly, a bagel with cream cheese materialized in front of Elena's face from Bonnie's purse.

"Thanks," she mumbled and grabbed the offered food.

"Figured you could use a few carbs." She shrugged her shoulders. "How are things today?"

"Perfect," she deadpanned. "I'm thinking of doing some shopping and maybe going to the spa."

"How are you really doing?"

"I'm doing sucky, Bonnie!" she snapped. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"And she's alive," Bonnie said sarcastically. "Nice to get some kind of response from you."

"Bonnie, can't you just go to work and leave me be for a day? Promise not to drown myself in the bathtub."

Bonnie blanched at the cavalier tone in Elena's voice. "Don't joke about that."

"Who says I'm joking?"

"I'm serious, Elena. Don't say things like that."

"Relax Bonnie," Elena groaned, "I'm not suicidal, just tired."

"I'm still worried about you."

Everyone was worried about her. Even her brother was calling her multiple times a week. Her brother, who could probably forget to talk to her for months if she didn't regularly call him. Everyone was hovering and watching practically every move she made. She didn't even get to work alone. Mark was there every single night. She just wanted some peace and quiet.

"It would be nice if everyone could worry from a distance."

Bonnie's brows furrowed together with worry as she stared down at Elena. "I think you need to talk to someone."

"Isn't that what we're doing right now?"

"A professional," she clarified. "I think you need to speak to someone who can help you in ways that none of us can. Obviously, what we're doing isn't working, and you need help, Elena. If you won't talk to any of us, at least find a therapist or something."

Elena bristled at the idea of therapy. She'd been forced to go after her parents died and it had been horrible. She hated sitting in a room for an hour and being expected to share her feelings. She didn't want to talk through things. She didn't want her thoughts analyzed. She just wanted everything to be better, or at least go away. She'd settle for anything right now.

"You know how much I hated that when my parents died," she snapped at Bonnie. "I can't believe you're even suggesting it." She threw the covers off of her and quickly got out of bed. "Shouldn't you be working or something? I don't need a babysitter."

"Well you need something!" Bonnie shouted back at her as she stalked to the bathroom. Her friend was hot on her heels though, unwilling to back down this easily. "You don't want to talk to me. You don't want to talk to Caroline. You can't even tell me that you're doing any talking with Damon. And don't you dare try to tell me that you're talking to Jenna. She said she hasn't heard from you in a week, and the last time you talked, you hung up on her."

Elena halted just before she got to the bathroom and swung around to glare at Bonnie. "You're calling my aunt?"

"You're the most stubborn person I know, Elena. I had to cover my bases. She agrees with me by the way. So does Caroline. You need help." She shook her head, hurt and frustrated that Bonnie had so clearly gone behind her back. Unable to speak, she spun on her heels and stormed into the bathroom. With as much force as she could muster, she slammed the door shut and locked it, effectively putting a wall between her and Bonnie. "Elena!" Bonnie pounded her hand on the door. "Open the door!"

"Go away, Bonnie." She slid to the floor, her back to the door.

Everything was falling apart and now her best friend was rallying the troops to try and force her into therapy she didn't want. They didn't get what was going on in her mind and there was no way she'd be able to make them understand.

"What kind of friend would I be if I did that?"

"I find it a little hard to believe that you're my friend right now. Friends don't go behind each other's backs."

"They do when they want to save their best friend." She could hear Bonnie sigh from the other side of the door. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I am your friend, and I'm doing exactly what you'd do if you were in my situation."

"Leave me alone."

"One day you're going to say that one time too many, and you really will be alone."

Good.

That was what she wanted to say to Bonnie. She didn't want to talk to anyone. The sooner everyone understood that, the better off everyone would be.

She settled for, "We'll see about that."

"Call me when you decide you want to wake up, Elena."

Relieved that she had her wish granted, Elena crawled over to the sunken bathtub and turned on the water. She watched as it slowly filled the white tub, steam billowing from the water. When she felt that it was nearly full, she stripped off her clothes and climbed in. It burned her skin, instantly giving it a red tint. Tiredly, she relaxed back in the tub and closed her eyes.

Whether she fell asleep or simply got lost in another world, she didn't know, but she was suddenly opening her eyes and realizing that the water was now cold. Her skin was wrinkled and the light coming in through the window indicated that the sun was much higher in the sky than it had been when she got in.

Sighing, she lifted the drain and retrieved a towel to wrap herself in as she stood up. Tired and cold, she didn't bother with combing her hair out or even brushing her teeth. She simply went back to the bedroom and crawled underneath the covers, paying no attention to the fact that she would be soaking the mattress and sheets in the process.

Sleep quickly blanketed over her mind, giving her the reprieve she so often wished for.

"Elena." She heard a voice calling for her from the distance. "Elena," she heard again, this time as her body rocked back and forth. "Elena!" The voice was more forceful this time and she pried her eyes open to a dark room, Damon's face hovering above hers. "It's almost 6:30," he told her.

"What?" she questioned groggily as she sat up and wiped at her eyes.

"It's after six o'clock at night, Elena. We have to leave for my dad's in ten minutes."

"Oh," she murmured, glancing over at the clock. "I guess I fell asleep."

"You can stay in. You don't have to come."

"No," she quickly shook her head. "I can just put my hair up in a bun and do my makeup in the car. I'll only be a few minutes."

"Okay, I'll be in the living room. We can leave when you're ready."

Once he was out of the room, she got out of the bed and quickly got ready. Thanks to the benefit of not much caring how she looked, it only took her fifteen minutes to put on a dress and just enough makeup to pass for acceptable. It wasn't like they were going to a party; it was just a dinner.

Satisfied, she went to find Damon in the living room. "I'm ready." He nodded and stood up, thus beginning their silent trip to his father's. He helped her put on her coat and held the door open for her, but he didn't speak, a fact she was okay with. She would need these next few minutes to prepare herself for dinner with his father. Tonight was Damon's birthday, and no matter how much she wanted to still be in bed, she knew she needed to suck it up for a few hours.

Elena tried to ignore the feeling of dread swirling in her stomach though as she and Damon rode in the elevator up to his father's penthouse. She wasn't in the mood to sit around a table and try to feign interest in conversation for however long the dinner would last. It was Damon's birthday and she should care, but it was just so hard. All she wanted to do was be at work or still curled up asleep in bed; not sitting across from a man that was happy her child was dead.

"I don't think this should take too long," Damon told her quietly, as if sensing that this was not how she wanted to spend her evening. "For some reason, this is the only tradition he actually keeps from when my mother was alive."

She was momentarily surprised by Damon's quiet revelation. There had been little that they'd shared with each other throughout the past month, especially anything in regards to parents or children. The confession and distant look in his eyes gave her some desire to try and not completely ruin his birthday for him. It wasn't his fault she'd killed their child. "I'll be fine, Damon. I want to celebrate your birthday."

His head whipped around in her direction, his eyes wide. The reaction didn't surprise her. This was probably the first positive comment anyone had heard come out of her mouth in a month. Slowly, he regained control again though, and she knew that he knew this didn't signal any change in her. So, he simply nodded and said, "Thank you."

The elevator came to a stop at Giuseppe's floor and the doors slowly opened to reveal the grand entryway. Unlike usual, he did not immediately come to greet them, something she was thankful for. This would give her a moment to say something to Damon. It was his birthday and she really did want to try. She understood that he was in pain too, even if he never discussed it, and she just wanted a minute to at least try and make him feel a little bit better about the evening.

He walked briskly ahead of her and she quickly followed after him, trying to catch him. "Damon," she called out. He stopped and turned to face her, an inquisitive look on his face as she moved directly in front of him. Her hands fidgeted in front of her and she stared wordlessly up at him, trying to find the words she wanted to say to him. When the communication had become so stilted, it was now hard to find the right things to say when she did want to speak. Nervously, she swallowed as he remained silent, waiting for what it was she wanted to tell him. "I'm sorry for how things have been, but I do want tonight to be good. I want you to be happy."

His face relaxed at her words and she could practically see a small wave of relief wash over him. The look in his eyes softened and he took a step toward her. One of his hands came up to brush gently against her cheek. "Elena," he sighed, so many emotions filtering across his face.

As he opened his mouth to continue, the lights that she hadn't even realized had been off, flashed on and she found her and Damon completely bombarded by simultaneous shouts of, "Surprise!"

She flinched and jumped back as Damon turned to the living room, his face now frozen as he took in the room full of people that should not be in his father's home. Her heart raced in her chest as she looked around. This was supposed to be a quiet dinner with Stefan, Caroline, and Giuseppe, not a massive party with a hundred of his closest friends. It was going to be hard enough to make it through the dinner and now Giuseppe had just thrown her to the wolves.

Ever the businessman, Damon quickly recovered and plastered a happily surprised smile on his face. "And here I was thinking that no one cared about my birthday," he joked, but then turned to glance at Elena, his eyes wide and apologetic. He shook his head, clearly at a loss for words at the moment.

Giuseppe then descended on them, a smile on his face. "Happy Birthday, son," he greeted and then hugged Damon. After embracing his stiff son, he glanced over at Elena. "You're looking well, Elena."

Unsure of how to respond she merely nodded her head, but Damon seemed to know how to respond perfectly well. "What is this?" he bit out. "For my entire life we've had family dinners ending with a caramel cake, every year."

"I thought you and Elena could use a little cheer," he easily explained.

"By forcing us into a party under the guise of celebrating my birthday?"

"Damon," Giuseppe spoke warningly, "A lot of very important people are here. I'm sorry that you are unhappy with me wanting to give you a pleasant evening, but wipe that look off your face and go greet your guests."

With a small groan, Damon reached out and captured Elena's arm and moved into the theoretical lion's den, but not before hissing to his father, "They're not my anything. You did this for yourself."

For fifteen torturous minutes, Damon kept her hand firmly in his as he went about trying to say hello to everyone that had shown up for the party. He said all the right things and made all the right moves, leaving no one to suspect that he was unhappy about anything. The way he was gripping her hand was telling her otherwise. She was the one receiving the curious stares. It was probable that nearly every person in this room was at that gala a month ago. And it was just as probable that they still had no idea what had happened that night. The wives tried to engage her in conversation, as if she'd just spill what exactly had gone on in that bathroom, but when she remained mostly silent, they would give up and focus all of their attention on the glass of champagne in their hands.

Finally, when she was beginning to think she could take no more, Caroline snatched her arm and dragged her into the kitchen, where no guest would dare enter, and the staff would be far too busy to pay any attention to what they were saying. "I am so sorry!" she profusely apologized. "Stefan and I had no idea. Giuseppe acted like this was a normal dinner. We would have told you had we known."

Elena hadn't once thought that Caroline or Stefan was in on the surprise party plan. She knew enough about Damon and Stefan's relationship to know that Stefan never would have allowed his brother to walk into this without ample warning. It was a fact Giuseppe probably knew as well and planned accordingly. The man owned a Forbes 500 company; he knew how to plan things to benefit him.

"It's not your fault." Elena shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "Giuseppe wanted a party, and I guess he was going to make sure he got one."

"Do you want to go?" Her friend questioned sympathetically. "If anyone knew what had happened, they wouldn't expect you to be here."

Elena smiled, one filled with pain and anger and sorrow and a million other feelings rushing through her body right now. "But they don't know, and they do expect me to be here." Caroline's face fell at her words, and a part of her instantly felt bad. She'd been bending over backwards this past month trying to make things better, because that was just what Caroline did; she fixed things. This wasn't a fight with Bonnie though. Nobody could fix this for her, and she wished they'd stop breaking their necks trying.

"Really, we can just leave. It will be fine."

"I'm fine, Caroline," she assured her. "I should probably get back out there." She turned to leave, but Caroline reached out and caught her arm. She opened her mouth to protest again, but Elena spun around and pulled her arm from Caroline's grasp. "Leave it alone. Go talk about shoes or something."

Her words had the desired affect and Caroline stumbled back, caught off guard by the words and how forcefully Elena had ripped her arm free. This time, she said nothing when Elena tried to leave the kitchen.

She easily spotted Damon as she reentered the grand living room. Though she did not want to be a part of this, she knew she needed to be by his side, and she also knew that she couldn't survive this night alone. She was making her way toward him when Giuseppe stepped in front of her, halting her in her tracks. "Elena," he smiled widely, "I have someone I'd like for you to meet." Damon's eye caught hers as Giuseppe dragged her across the living room, but she could merely shrug, knowing she couldn't exactly break free and run to his side. "Elena, I'd like you to meet Samantha. I think you two will have a lot in common."

Giuseppe quickly disappeared, leaving her alone with this woman that she'd never met in her life. "Um, hi," she squeaked out, unsure of what to say.

Even in heels, Samantha was a short woman that remained a few inches shorter than Elena, but she was a woman of super model beauty nonetheless. Her honey blonde hair cascaded down her back, and she had blue eyes that sparkled brightly, even in the dim lighting. Her smile was warm as she looked up at Elena and asked, "You're dating Damon, right?"

Elena shifted her weight nervously to her other foot. "Yeah."

"That explains it," Samantha laughed and pointed over to Damon being led down a hallway by Giuseppe and a few other men. "He's trying to distract you."

And so the real reason for the party was revealed. This wasn't really an evening about celebrating Damon's birthday. It was all about work.

"He doesn't like me," Elena admitted quietly, even though she knew she probably shouldn't.

"Giuseppe doesn't really like anyone, especially when that person happens to be a girl that's dating Damon." Samantha gave an encouraging squeeze to Elena's arm. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Anyway, I'll leave you be. I'm sure you have more entertaining things to do than be forced into a conversation with me because Giuseppe needed your back turned long enough to sneak Damon out of the room."

Samantha waved politely and then excused herself, leaving Elena alone in the middle of the room. Caroline was off to the side, engaged in a conversation with several other women, laughing merrily about whatever it was they were discussing. After how she'd behaved in the kitchen, she couldn't join them. Not that she wanted to. With Damon otherwise occupied, she really had no one to talk to that she actually knew. That was how she found herself in Damon's old room. She simply couldn't muster the strength up anymore to smile and fake it. She needed a five-minute timeout. She picked up a baseball that was displayed on his desk, signed by some player whose name she couldn't even fully make out.

"Damon broke my finger when I was six because he caught me playing catch with that ball." Elena jumped at the sound of Stefan's voice and whirled around. From her fright, she lost her grip on the baseball and it fell from her hands and rolled across the room, stopping just in front of Stefan's feet. With a small smile he bent down and picked it up off the floor. He stared at it for a moment, spinning it aimlessly in his hands. "Don't worry though," he finally told her, "I think he's forgotten he even has this." He turned and glanced down the hallway before walking further into the room. "I'm sorry about this evening. My father didn't tell me."

"I know. I've already talked with Caroline."

Stefan sighed and shook his head. "So I've heard."

"You're probably mad at me."

"It's not my place to be mad. Your friendship with Caroline has nothing to do with me."

"_But_?" she prodded, knowing he hadn't just stumbled upon her in Damon's room by accident.

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "But your relationship with my brother does. We're dysfunctional that way." Knowing where this was going, Elena sat down at the edge of Damon's bed and looked up at Stefan, preparing her mind for the conversation that would come next. "He just wants you to be okay."

Looking down, she nodded. "I know."

"How are you doing?" Her head shot up at the question. She hadn't expected him to ask about her. She was expecting him to tell her that she needed to let Damon in or understand that he was in pain too. "I mean I know things aren't really good," he quickly explained, "But I want to know how you are. Damon is my brother. I can look at him and know exactly how he is, but I don't know how you are beyond what Caroline or Damon share with me."

"How does someone answer that question?" she wondered aloud. "How can I be okay if I don't understand something? Because this whole thing? I don't understand any of it. One minute I'm dancing with Damon, so happy because I could look at him and know he was mine. Then the next, I'm looking down; all I can see is blood and all I can feel is pain, and nobody can give me a reason for any of it. All anyone tells me is that these things happen in the first trimester, and most of the time there's no way to know the reason why. Do you know how frustrating that is? How much it eats you up inside to know nothing?" She laughed bitterly. "That's how I'm doing Stefan. I'm confused and I'm pissed off, but most of all, I'm tired." The tears welled in her eyes and her voice cracked. "I'm exhausted and I know your brother is too, but I don't have the energy to deal with him right now. I can't even deal with myself."

She reeled back after her impromptu speech, shocking herself and Stefan. That had been the most she'd spoken in a month and she hadn't meant to share any of it at all. They both remained frozen for several tension filled moments, unsure where to go from that point. She'd known Stefan for a few years now and had talked with him several times, but never to this magnitude. Other than the conversation when she moved in with Damon where he informed her that Damon was in love with her, they never discussed personal things.

Stefan cautiously crossed the room to come sit next to her on the bed. He took a moment to get settled before he spoke. "I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. The only loss I've suffered in my life was losing my mom, but I was eight and it took me a long time to truly understand the magnitude of it all. However, I know that you're in pain and angry, but shutting everyone out won't make it better."

"I'm not trying to shut everyone out," she told him quietly. "I just don't know how to talk to anyone right now."

"You're talking to me," he said easily.

"Trust me, this isn't a conscious decision. If I had the ability to say it at any other time, I would have said it to Caroline or Bonnie ages ago." She quickly looked at him. "No offense."

"None taken."

"I know I'm not being fair to Damon," she insisted tearfully, "And I know he doesn't deserve it, but I just can't do it. Nothing makes sense anymore and I'm tired of trying to make it. It's easier to block it all out.

"That's not going to get you anywhere."

"No," she easily agreed, "But it will get me through the day."

Stefan sighed and she watched as he momentarily weighed his words before saying, "I won't tell you how to cope with this, but talk to someone. Whether it's Damon or Caroline, it doesn't matter, but nobody can do this alone."

He got up and left the room then, leaving her alone with her thoughts for a full thirty minutes before she joined the party again. Stefan and Caroline had already left and the party was beginning to wind down. Damon appeared in the living room then, finished with whatever meeting he'd been a part of and motioned to her that they would be leaving soon.

Elena easily retrieved her jacket and Damon's and moved into the entryway to get ready to leave. She was putting on her jacket as she watched Damon say goodbye to the last few guests that were left at his party. It was past midnight and she could see that he was more than ready to go home, and she was most certainly ready. The night had been completely emotionally draining and she was ready to lie in bed and not move for a week. She also didn't want to deal with another human for equally as long.

"My son knows how to work a room." Elena tensed when Giuseppe appeared behind her and began to help her into her coat. "A trait he got from his mother." He moved to stand beside her now frozen form after she had her coat on. "I'm sure my son has not painted me in the best of lights, but he's my child and I do love him."

"I've never believed you didn't, Giuseppe," she whispered.

"Then you'll believe that I only have his best interests in mind when I say this." Elena looked at him and swallowed deeply. The action made it no easier for her to speak and she found she could only nod as she stared up at him. "Damon's greatest strength is how much he cares, but it's also his biggest weakness. It's one of the reasons he wound up in the mess he did with Katherine. It's also how he's ended up in this rather unfortunate situation." Elena flinched at Giuseppe's words. "I'm truly sorry for the loss you experienced and for the pain you're in right now, don't get me wrong on that."

"How can I get this right then, Giuseppe?"

"Fact of the matter is, you're a distraction," Giuseppe spoke candidly. "Damon can hardly focus at work right now, which is something he cannot afford to do. His entire life he's been primed to take over my position. That time is coming soon, and you see that man right there?" He pointed to Damon, who was now engaged in a deep conversation with a small group of men. They were captivated by his presence, taking in every word. "That's the man I need at work every day, not the man that can barely keep his head up because he's too tired." Giuseppe fully turned to her now, blocking her from any chance to see Damon. "You changed him. Fix it."

Nervous and taken aback she shook her head. As someone who prided herself on her ability to hold her own in any social situation, Giuseppe was in a different league – one she'd never even known existed. He wasn't fond of her, a fact he was making clearer each and every time she saw him. And what he was making abundantly clear tonight was that whatever affect she'd had on Damon was something he didn't like, and it was up to her to change it.

She didn't know that he had been having difficulties at work. With the few words they spoke to each other now, work was never involved. She had simply assumed that his job hadn't been affected in the slightest. His job was practically his life. Apparently she was wrong on her assumptions though.

"I haven't done anything. I don't know what you mean."

"I'm saying, losses happen and putting my son through pain because you can't let it go is doing no one any favors. What's done is done, Elena. You'd do well to accept that."

"I need some air," she choked out. "Tell Damon I'll meet him outside." Without another word, she turned and ran toward the elevator. Thanks to the late hour, it came quickly, and she was awarded her freedom from the hell this night had been. She'd already known she had completely shut down in her life. She hadn't needed Stefan and Giuseppe to remind her of this and urge her in the direction they believed she needed to go.

Nobody understood it; they couldn't comprehend the complexity that went into losing a child. For so many weeks she'd resented her pregnancy. It had been such an inconvenience to her that she'd barely wanted to talk about it. Then, she'd almost lost it and she unlocked this other part of her that didn't think having a baby would be the worst thing in the world. She'd let herself sit back and believe in what Damon was saying to her. She'd let herself turn the pregnancy into a reality, and then the reality was that the pregnancy was no longer.

There was a guilt that went along with that that nobody would ever get.

"Hey," Elena was barely outside of the lobby when Damon came rushing through the doors, pulling his coat tightly around him, "I looked up and you were running into the elevator. What happened?"

She took a small breath and turned to fully face him. "I just needed a little air. Tonight was unexpected."

Damon's face fell and he stepped toward her. "I am so sorry. I had no idea what he was planning. He's never done this for a birthday in my entire life."

"It's okay." She tried to smile. "I just want to go home now."

"I second that motion." He stepped to the edge of the sidewalk and held his arm out for a cab. One quickly pulled to the side of the street and he opened the door for her to get in. When they were comfortably inside, he said, "I'm sorry I practically abandoned you. Once Caroline dragged you away, I couldn't seem to catch a moment to talk to you."

"People wanted to see you. You haven't been out in a while."

He sighed and looked out the window. "Haven't really wanted to."

Elena took note of the pale skin of his face and the dark circles that had formed beneath his eyes. She hadn't taken the time to truly look at him in a long time, and looking at him across this dim taxi, she could see the exhaustion clearly etched on his skin. "How has work been?"

Not expecting the question, he turned to her, his eyebrows raised. "Why?"

"Just wondering."

"We never talk about work." He eyed her suspiciously and suddenly, a look of clarity dawned over his face. "What did my father say to you?"

"Why do you think he said anything?" she asked, probably far too quickly.

"I saw him talking to you. What did he say to you?"

"He just said you'd been a little different at work, that's all."

His jaw tightened and he rolled his eyes. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he blew out before dissolving into sarcastic laughs. "I can't believe him. This whole night was about him." He slammed his hand against the inside of the door. "The whole goddamn thing was so he could try to get me back to how he wanted me to be. Son of a bitch."

"He's just worried." She had no idea why she was bothering to try and defend Giuseppe when he so clearly didn't like her. She believed that he was worried for Damon, but it was just a worry that was overshadowed by his knack for self-preservation.

"Cut the bullshit, Elena. We both know he's not worried about me and that he said a lot more than what you're telling me."

"He wants you back to normal."

"Normal?" he balked. "When have I ever been normal? For as long as I can remember, I've never had a choice about what I wanted to do with my life. This was it for me, Elena! Go to college, experience some freedom, come home, work for him, and then run the company. Nothing about me has ever been normal."

"Is it my fault?" she whispered. "Am I the reason things haven't been right at work?"

Damon scoffed and looked out the window as they turned onto his street. "I'm not going to do this. Not tonight. Not about this."

"I'm talking," she pointed out forcefully. "Isn't this what you've been waiting for?"

"Talking? Yes. Getting on my case because my dad manipulated you? No."

"I'm not," her words died out, uncertain of what she should say or do right now. "I don't know what you want me to say, Damon."

"I want you to say _something_. Hell, I'd settle for you wanting to talk about the weather at this point. I'll talk about anything you want, as long as they aren't words coming from my father's mouth."

"They aren't," she insisted. "They just made me think about things. Am I the reason that things are off at work? Is it because –?" Words once again failed her, leaving her silent across from him. She still couldn't voice the words out loud.

The taxi came to a stop in front of the building and the taxi driver looked as if he wanted to be driving around any other person in New York City, except for them. He quickly retrieved the money from Damon and watched with baited breath as Damon gripped the door handle.

Damon turned to her, a tired and worn expression in his eyes. "What else would it be, Elena? What else would it be?" He climbed out of the cab without a backward glance, leaving her paralyzed and open-mouthed as she stared after him.

"Excuse me, miss?" Elena turned to look at the driver, having completely forgotten where she was for a moment. "You have to get out now."

"Right," she squeaked out, "Sorry."

Damon was already stepping into the elevator when Elena caught up with him in the lobby. He said nothing as she entered behind him and they turned to stand awkwardly next to each other. She looked over at him and tried to think of something to say. Talking to him used to be so easy. She still remembered the first conversation they'd by that pool at Caroline and Stefan's engagement party like it was yesterday. She'd shared things with him that night she hadn't shared with anyone else. It had all been so easy. Now when she needed the words to come, there was nothing there.

"Please stop staring at me," he quietly pleaded.

"Why?"

"Because you're staring at me like I just blindsided you." He shook his head. "You can't really be surprised by my answer down there."

The elevator opened on their floor and he walked toward the penthouse. She followed after him, still searching for the words that she needed. "I suppose," she sighed dejectedly as he unlocked the door, "I just didn't think about it." She felt slightly ashamed to admit she hadn't considered his thoughts or feelings much in the past month.

Damon threw the door open, letting it bounce roughly against the wall and come swinging back toward her. She held her hands up in front of her to prevent the door from slamming into her face. He was so angry he didn't even notice. "That's fairly obvious, Elena," he shouted as he threw his keys onto the entryway table with so much force, they slid off the table and fell to the floor. He jerked his tie free from around his neck and ripped it over his head. "How did you really think I'd be doing at work?"

"I guess I just didn't realize." She sucked in a deep breath.

He whipped around, an infuriated look on his face. "Didn't realize what? That I'd care? That I'd be upset too? That that night might haunt me as much as it does you?" He removed his jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. "Tell me! What didn't you realize?"

"Any of it," she whispered. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling like a failure in front of him. "I'm sorry."

"God Elena," he sighed, all anger gone from his voice, and she could hear him slowly walking toward her. His cool hands encompassed her face. The touch broke the last barrier she'd managed to hold up through the day. Traitorous tears escaped from her eyes, and she could not bring herself to pry them open to look at him. "I don't need you to be sorry. I just need you to be here."

She shook in front him from the small cries pouring from her mouth. "I don't know how."

"Just be here with me." His forehead dropped to hers. "I need you."

The desperation in his voice clung to her like a heavy weight, pulling her further beneath the water. All he needed was to know that she was there, but she didn't know how to offer that to him, not right now.

"I can't," she choked out. "I can't."


	20. Slow Dancing In a Burning Room

**Chapter 19**

**This is the deep and dying breath of  
>This love that we've been working on<strong>

Damon swayed back and forth in the bedroom, a now silent Sawyer resting peacefully in his arms. He'd tried to set him down on the bed a few times or tell Stefan that he was calm now, but every time he stopped talking, Sawyer immediately started to whimper. This caused him to start talking again, afraid to allow him to reach ear-splitting levels of crying again.

"I don't know how healthy you are for my ego, kid. You are far too interested in my voice. It's really not special. No one can know that I think that, but it's really kind of bland. And you can't say my stories are interesting, because they're really not. Your dad wasn't fun enough for that. And Elena, well, those are just depressing and that's no good. So, I really don't know why you're so fascinated with me." Sawyer gurgled in response, and Damon nodded his head. "Yes, that makes perfect sense. I understand everything now."

For some reason, he was the secret weapon today, the only thing that could get Sawyer to stop crying for more than two minutes. Stefan and Caroline were apparently perfectly content in the living room, for they hadn't come back here once since they'd left. Hell, he probably wouldn't come back either if he'd spent forever trying to get his kid to calm down, only to have it finally happen when he'd left the room. He'd stay gone for hours.

Well, he said he would, but he didn't really know, did he? It wasn't like he had a child that granted him with such knowledge about how he would handle anything. That chance had been taken from him, and he didn't know if he'd ever want to give himself that chance again. Maybe Elena had been right when they got into that fight the night of the charity event that seemed to seal their fate. Oh, who was he kidding? He didn't know anything. His assumptions were just shots in the dark at this point.

"Damon." He turned at the sound of Stefan quietly saying his name. His brother was standing in the doorway, cell phone in hand. "Phone."

"Who is it?"

"Your fiancée, the woman you're supposed to marry in just over an hour." He held out the phone then and walked further into the room.

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She did, but you didn't answer."

"What does she want?"

"I don't know, Damon," Stefan said, exasperated by the questions. "I didn't know you had a list of required things I should ask her. Why don't you just call her back and see?"

"Whatever, Stefan," he sighed. "I'm a little busy with your son right now. I don't really have time to talk at the moment."

"You know she'll just keep calling back until she talks to you." His brother was right. She wouldn't give up, not this easily, at least. It was why he'd fallen for her. The persistence she had was just that attractive. Hell, it still was. Just because Elena had come in and twisted up everything in his head didn't mean he'd suddenly forgotten why he was scheduled to be married today.

"Okay, give me the phone." He held his hand out and Stefan placed the phone gently in his hand. He pressed her name in the call list and held the phone to his ear.

Two, short rings later, he heard her voice on the other end of the line. "You'd tell me if you were calling off the wedding wouldn't you?"

"What?" he sputtered. "Why would you even ask that?" Today wasn't really going how he'd planned, not by a long shot, but how would she know that things weren't as they should be?

"I saw the pictures, Damon. I know she was there." Pictures? Photographers were waiting outside of the hotel?

"It was nothing. She's gone."

He could hear her sigh on the other end. "You'd tell me if it wasn't, right?"

"I would. You know I would."

"So, why haven't you left for the church?"

"Jesus, you're keeping tabs on me?" Stefan shot him a warning look. Sawyer couldn't even speak yet, and Damon already had to watch his language.

"My bridesmaids won't turn off the TV! This isn't exactly my idea of a perfect wedding day."

"Okay, look, I'm sorry." He softened the tone of his voice as he heard her on the verge of panic. "We haven't left yet because Sawyer has been crying all day. We've only just gotten him calmed down."

"You're really not backing out?" she whispered.

"I will be there, I promise. You just have to trust me, Andie."

* * *

><p>"Salvatore," a highly amused feminine voice stopped Damon in his tracks. "What's the matter? Can't give an old friend a hug?"<p>

Smiling, he turned around, dropping Elena's hand. "That depends, where is this old friend you speak of?"

The woman laughed and smacked him lightly on the chest. "Asshole."

"Looks like they're letting just anyone in these days." He warmly embraced her. "I haven't seen you in years."

She smiled and pulled away from him. "Your wedding to be exact."

"Oh god," he groaned, "let's not talk about that."

"So," she looked over at Elena, causing him to realize he had forgotten to make introductions.

"Right," he reached out and grabbed Elena's hand again, "Elena this is Andie. We went to college together. Andie, this is my girlfriend Elena."

"Nice to meet you." Andie excitedly held her hand out to shake Elena's. "Any woman that can get Damon to commit is a strong woman."

Elena timidly shook Andie's hand, obviously off-balance from Andie's bright personality. "Nice to meet you too." She looked at Damon. "Caroline and Stefan just walked in. I'll be back."

"Okay." He began to lean forward to kiss her on the cheek, but quickly thought better of it and simply smiled. "Tell Stefan I said he didn't use enough hair gel."

Elena quickly ran off to her best friend, leaving him with an intrigued Andie. "You certainly have a type," she giggled.

"Stop it," he scolded her. "She's nothing like Katherine. She's just having a rough day." The lie fell easily from his lips; just like it did every other time he said it. Any time someone mentioned Elena's less than enthused behavior, he automatically made up some excuse about her having a rough day. Her aunt was sick. Something happened at work. She couldn't see his brother for his birthday. Before long he was going to start inventing relatives for her.

"Okay," Andie said, but her tone indicated she didn't believe a word he said.

"Besides, I don't think I'd be knocking my type if I were you. We did date for almost two years."

"Yeah, I still maintain that they were pumping hallucinogenic drugs through the air ducts. I wasn't in my right mind."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes, "I'm the best you've ever had an you know it."

Her smile softened and her gaze grew momentarily distant. "We had some good times."

"We had fun."

He had met Andie his sophomore year of college and they'd quickly developed a close friendship that developed into a full-fledged relationship during their junior year.

She shook her head, an amused smile on her face. "God," she grabbed the lapels of his suit and straightened them out, "Look at you."

"What?" he asked.

"I don't know. You just look so different."

"A lot has happened since Katherine. Besides, we're almost 30. Had to grow up sometime."

"Speak for yourself, Salvatore. I'm only 25."

"Keep telling yourself that," he laughed. He hadn't seen Andie in years and it felt good to talk to her after so long. They'd always been better as friends than lovers. They could have conversations that lasted for hours. "So, where have you been? You still in Washington?"

"Nope," she shook her head, "Moved to the city to work for the New York Times."

"So, you got your dream job?"

"Investigative journalist and all." She smiled broadly at her words. From the moment he'd met her, she'd wanted to be an investigative journalist for the Times. "What about you? Are you still working for your dad?"

"I wasn't aware I had any other options."

"You have options, Damon," she sighed. "You just choose not to take them."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he quietly demanded.

Andie sighed and affectionately rolled her eyes. "It means, you spend most of your time rebelling, but when it comes down to it, you do what is expected of you. You went to Yale and majored in business. You came home and worked for your father. You go to all the functions and balls that you're supposed to. You even got married."

"To someone not from the Upper East Side and then got divorced. I don't follow the rules that well, Andie."

"You do better than you think." She stared intently at his face, her eyes roaming over his pale skin. "You look tired," she quietly told him.

"I average 70 hours a week. I am tired."

"Not in that way," she clarified. "You look like you've aged ten years since your wedding."

"Go through a very public divorce that costs you twenty million dollars and let me see how young and nubile you look."

Of course, his divorce wasn't the hardest thing he'd gone through in the past few years. No, he was currently stuck in one of the roughest periods of his life. A miscarriage wasn't exactly something one blurted out to someone they hadn't spoken with in over three years. He trusted Andie with a lot when he was in college, and he still considered her a friend, but he couldn't share this.

Andie grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him to a table off to the side of the room, allowing them some small form of privacy. She pulled her seat close to his and leaned forward, her eyes locked steadily on his. "Something else is going on. The divorce wasn't exactly hard, and you know it. Once you made the decision to get divorced, the process was just semantics. There's something else here. I know you."

"Can't you put your reporter hat away for a night?"

"Not if you're hiding something from me."

"How about this?" He rested his hands on her knees and leaned forward. "You leave me be tonight and we tell jokes about how horrible we were as a couple, and I'll let you interrogate me Monday, over a cup of coffee. If you're nice, I might know of a particularly interesting story that could get you in favor with your bosses."

At the mention of a possible story, Andie went on high alert. If she ever got whiff of the possibility of something juicy, she was like a dog with a bone. Nothing could distract her from her target once she'd honed in on one. With her head tilted inquisitively to the side, she questioned, "What's it about?"

"Forbes 500 Company and very illegal activities while on corporate retreats," he told her quietly. "Promise to leave me alone for the evening, and I'll tell you how that all works out to be one damning story for a very important company."

She mulled over the idea in her head, debating whether he was telling the truth or not. After a minute, she felt she'd thought it over appropriately and nodded her head. "You've got a deal. This deal requires you to tell me why you really look like you're ready to finish off a bottle of your favorite scotch and jump off the balcony."

"I think you'll just find that my life is boring and I work a lot."

Her eyes drifted to through the crowd, finding Elena standing somberly next to Caroline and Stefan. "I think I'll find that you're lying about something." Elena turned, almost as if she could feel Andie's gaze on her, and her eyes darkened as she took in his close proximity to Andie. "I also think you need to go spend some time with your girlfriend – preferably before she comes and rips my hair out."

"Elena's not jealous." Reluctantly, he tore his gaze away from the seething brunette across the room, and shrugged his shoulders. "She's going through some family stuff."

Andie grabbed her purse from the table and rose to her feet. She slid her hand over his hair and down the side of his face. "You're such a bad liar." A small smile gracing her face, she leaned down and pressed her lips softly on his cheek, then whispered, "Lie to me on Monday and I'll throw coffee in your face."

"Andie!" Stefan formed a shadow over Damon as he approached the table. He wore a smile, but it was not open and warm like usual. "I haven't seen you in years." He pulled on Andie's arm to hug her himself and then quickly moved his body in front of Damon. "How have you been?"

"Me?" Andie grinned, pulling back from the hug. If she knew what Stefan was doing, she made no show of it on her face. "I hear you're married, much bigger news than anything I have. Congratulations!"

"Thank you. It's been good."

"Well, I'd love to catch up," she reached out and squeezed Stefan's arm lightly, "But I need to make the rounds. I've let Damon hog too much of my time." She leaned around Stefan and smiled down at Damon. "See you on Monday. Bring me my facts!"

He waved to her as she backed away. Once she turned around, he looked up at his brother. "Subtle."

Stefan twisted around and sat down in the seat vacated by Andie. "You should be happy it was me. Elena was about to come over before I made up some excuse and cut her off before she could." He glanced over at Caroline, chatting away mindlessly to a bored Elena. "She wasn't happy about you and Andie talking."

"Please," he scoffed, "Elena doesn't care. That would require some emotion from her. She seems to be out of those at the moment."

"You two have got to figure this thing out. If not for your sanity, then do it for mine. Caroline is going to drive me crazy if you two don't get it together."

"What am I supposed to do, Stefan?" he demanded angrily. "She won't talk to me."

Stefan glanced down, a serious expression on his face. "I know you won't want to hear this, but maybe it's time to think about ending this."

"You're right," he ground out, "I don't want to hear it. How can you even suggest that?"

Stefan lifted his head and rested his arms on his legs. "How can I not?"

"I can't do that." He shook his head. "I in—" he froze, the words ready to come pouring from his mouth, but as he looked over to Elena, staring longingly out the window into the dark night sky. "I can't leave her. She needs me."

Stefan sympathetically nodded his head, but his understanding did not stop him from saying, "She needs help, Damon, professional help."

"She's not a minor, and we're not married. I can't force her to do anything. It's going to take time. She won't be like this forever."

Stefan sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. This isn't you."

"I know I'm a dick, but I'm not completely heartless," he snapped, but quickly lowered his voice and said, "I can't end it, Stefan. We were going to have a child together. I want her in my life. I care about her."

"You know that you're in love with her, Damon. It's clouding your judgment."

He quickly looked away, not wanting to face his brother's pitying gaze. He couldn't deny it, but he couldn't admit it either. It wasn't a thought he much liked to acknowledge right now. It wasn't exactly a ball of fun to sit and think about the fact that the woman you're in love with is pushing you away with everything she has and you're powerless to stop her. It hurt like a bitch, and he hated it.

"What do you want me to say?" he finally questioned. "How I feel about her doesn't matter. It doesn't change the situation if I love her or if I just care about her. So, why do you care?"

"Because a year ago, I was sitting in this same place, watching Katherine put you through hell. Is it so bad that I don't want to see that again?"

"My relationship with Elena is nothing like my relationship with Katherine. We'll figure it out."

"When are you going to care about yourself?" He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You look like death. Caroline is one bad day away from kidnapping you and force feeding you a bottle of Ambien."

"That would require Caroline letting me know she cares. We both know that's never going to happen."

"She cares about you, Damon. Elena may be her best friend, but that doesn't mean she can't be worried about you too."

Damon rolled his eyes. "She cares about me because I'm your brother, and she has to. And nobody needs to be worried about me." He rose to his feet and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. It might not be his choice of alcohol, but it would have to do in a pinch. "You would all do well to back the hell off. I'm fine."

In one sip, he finished the glass of champagne and slammed it onto the table. Everyone was _worried_ about him. They all _cared_. They wanted him to be _okay_. They just wanted what was _best_ for him. Yet, the one person who he actually needed to feel that way and say those things was the one who didn't give a damn, at least, not like she should. She was lost in the sea of her grief, refusing to cross the small distance and take hold of his hand. This left him to fend for himself in the dark waters surrounding him, with no way out.

The fact was, even if he did want to lean on those around him, he simply couldn't. They could feel empathy and compassion, but there was no true understanding. They had no ability to grasp what it was he and Elena were going through. They'd built something on the belief that they would soon bring a child into this world, and when that was shattered, what they'd built came crashing down around it. He believed they could repair what was now broken, but Elena had to want that. Right now, all she wanted was to give up on life.

"You know I can't do that." Stefan snatched Damon's arm when he turned to leave the table, effectively holding the elder Salvatore in place. "If this were me, you would have barged into my place a month ago and kicked my ass all over my living room until I got it together. My methods may not be so extreme, but I can't sit here and do nothing. You're my brother."

Damon looked down in disdain at Stefan's hand gripping his arm. With a sigh, he pulled his arm from his brother's grasp. "I'm your older brother; it's my job to tell you how to live your life. As the baby of the family, it's your job to sit down, shut up, and stay out of my business."

"You lost that luxury when you started banging my wife's best friend. This is bigger than you."

Damon stepped toward Stefan, who was now on his feet, and held his face just inches from his brother's. "Stay out of it, or I'll make you stay out of it."

With the threat hanging between the two of them, he turned and walked away. "This isn't how you fix it, Damon," Stefan called after him, drawing attention from the other guests around the room, but he paid it no attention. He never handled things the way Stefan wanted him to. This was no different than everything else in his life. It was what it was.

Elena's eyes were trained on him as he continued to walk away from Stefan, but he didn't go to her. Tonight wasn't just about socializing, he had business that he needed to handle, and he couldn't do that with Elena next to him. Caroline would have to distract her for the evening. She seemed surprised by this when he veered off in another direction, but she didn't come to him.

In fact, Elena did not come to him for the rest of the evening. He spent the next three hours bouncing from conversation to conversation, a drink firmly in his hands at all times. At some point throughout the evening, he ran into the Andie again and most of his evening was spent by her side.

When midnight was drawing near, he found himself outside with her, holding his hand out for one of her cigarettes. She eyed his hand suspiciously. "I thought Katherine made you quit."

It was true, he'd been a smoker in college, but when he met Katherine, she'd told him they couldn't be together if he smoked. She never said why she had such a grand distaste for the habit, but he remembered it as being one of the traits that made him really begin to fall for her. However, once they split up he had turned back to his old vice in times of extreme stress. With how his personal life was going right now, he'd be a full-fledged smoker by the end of the month.

"Well, lucky for me, I'm not married anymore." He pulled the pack of cigarettes from her hand and smirked. "Thank you."

"You're gonna give yourself cancer," she teased lightly as she held out her flaming lighter.

A part of him was tempted to say that at least he'd know what he was up against. He never has any idea what he's up against when he walks through his front door every evening. Some days Elena doesn't talk to him. He almost believed those were the easier days. Other times, she'd get mad and yell, find any reason to pick a fight. Sometimes it would work. Sometimes, he'd leave and spend the night on Alaric's couch. When he looked at his life from that point of view, he wondered how he could possibly talk himself into still being with Elena. It wasn't that simple though. For all the crappy days they had now, she was still the girl he'd locked eyes with across that dim bar back in July. She was still the girl that made him feel something after Katherine had ripped so much away from him. He knew that girl was still in there, and he just had to figure things out long enough to get that girl back.

Instead, he stumbled forward, the copious amounts of alcohol he'd consumed were now running fully through his veins. He leaned against her, probably closer than he should, but he could use the added support. "We both know cancer wouldn't kill me. It would give my father far too much satisfaction. However, watching me rot away for months would definitely provide some ample payback.

"Stop that," Andie chastised him. "Don't act like this."

Damon took a long drag from the cigarette between his fingers, finding some foreign comfort from the slow burn that drifted through his lungs. "No, you don't get to do this. We're not 22 and at some college party that got a little out of hand. You don't get to lecture me about how I'm acting and then drag me home. We don't do this anymore."

"Then where's your girlfriend to do it? You've passed your limit, and now it's time for you to go home."

"My girlfriend?" he scoffed. "She barely exists. I'm starting to think she's a figment of my imagination, like I'm in the world of Fight Club, only I'm not fighting, so I guess that comparison doesn't work well, but you get what I'm saying."

"Yes," she laughed tightly, shifting to better support his weight, "Your drunken rambling could not make more sense if you tried."

"I think there's a joke in there that I should take offense to."

This time her laugh was one of humor, albeit strained humor. "I think you'd be right on that." She grunted and got his arm thrown over her shoulder. "Okay, let's at least try to find your brother. He's not a figment of your imagination is he?"

"My life would have been a lot easier if he was. I certainly would have gotten laid a lot more in high school."

"I'll just take your word for it." They were almost to the door that would lead them back into the grand room that was now thinning out. Where there were once over 500 people milling about, by his calculations, there seemed to be only 200 left.

Caroline appeared at that moment, her blue eyes searching the terrace curiously and going wide when she spotted Damon slowly coming toward the door. She rushed outside and appeared far closer to his face than she would like. "What happened to him?" she demanded as she grabbed his chin in her hand and took a good look at the state he was in.

"Get his brother," Andie instructed. "This will be much easier with Stefan. Tell him we've reached the bitter mortality level."

"The what?" she shrieked, like Andie had spoken to her in a completely foreign language.

"Just get him," Andie demanded. "He'll know what it means." She sighed as Caroline ran off on her mission. "You know, I thought these days were over when we graduated. I don't have the proper muscles like I used to have to hold all your weight. Not to mention, I think you've gained a few pounds."

"Pssh!" she scoffed. "I am as smokin' hot as I was when you met me. Wanna see?" Without warning, he pulled his shirt from his pants and lifted it high on his torso for her to see his sculpted muscles.

"Oh god," Andie groaned and tried to shove his shirt down. "Get a few drinks in you and a man suddenly reverts to a little boy. You just want to run around naked."

"Clothes are constricting."

"They're a blessing."

"Damon," Stefan rushed onto the terrace, a worried look on his face. Caroline came out soon after with a frustrated Elena in tow. "I can't believe you got drunk."

"It was either that or throw myself off the roof. I thought you'd be more fond of option A."

"I'm fond of option sober Damon," he grumbled as he came to his side and hoisted Damon's free arm over his shoulders. "Please tell me that Dad hasn't seen you."

"Nope." He popped the P at the end of the word, smirking amusedly at the sound. "You proud?"

"I think that's aiming a little high." He looked around Damon to Andie, who was still standing on his other side. "Thanks for taking care of him, Andie. I can handle it from here."

"You sure?" she questioned.

"Yeah, I've had plenty of practice." She nodded and quietly made her exit, ignoring Elena's murderous gaze as she left. "Okay," Stefan sighed once she was gone. "Let's get you in your limo, shall we? I already called your driver."

Stefan went about sneaking Damon through the emptying grand banquet room, somehow enlisting Caroline as the distraction for the event. Soon enough, he had Damon away from the guests and riding down the elevator. Elena was silent next to them, but her arms were crossed tightly across her chest as her foot tapped anxiously on the floor. His evening probably wasn't going to end well.

"How much did you have to drink tonight?" Caroline asked, breaking the tense silence in the elevator.

"Not enough to make your voice bearable."

She rolled her eyes. "Charming."

The elevator doors opened and they all shuffled into the hotel lobby that was mainly empty. He could see his driver getting out of the limo that had just pulled up, rushing around the car to be prepared when Damon exited the hotel.

"You sure are quiet back there, Elena." Damon turned his head to look at Elena, who was following closely behind him and Stefan. "Nothing to add?"

"Not right now."

"Let's just get you into the car, okay?" Stefan interrupted. The driver held the door open for Stefan to help Damon into the limo as they exited the hotel. Once, he had Damon situated in the limo, he turned to Elena. "Do you need me to come back with you?"

Elena leaned around Stefan to find Damon lying across the backseat. "No, I can handle it. Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Okay, just call me if you need anything. Most of all, do not let him drink anymore. He will try."

"Trust me, he's not getting anything else." She smiled tightly at Stefan and Damon dropped his head onto the seat, listening as they bid their goodbyes. Soon, she was hitting his legs as he climbed into the car. "Feet," she demanded.

Dutifully, he lifted them up enough for her to get into the car, but immediately dropped them onto her lap. "Hope this isn't uncomfortable for you," he sneered.

Elena sighed and closed her eyes. "Stop, Damon," she whispered hoarsely. "Just stop."

"Why?" he questioned incredulously. "We both know you're mad at me. Just admit it."

"I'm not going to fight with you when you're drunk."

"I'm not as drunk as you think I am."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Your brother had to help you to the car. You're beyond drunk."

"At least I got to have a decent conversation with one person tonight." Elena's jaw tightened at the comment and he knew he'd hit a nerve. She said nothing though, just stared straight ahead, her eyes never sliding over to glance at him.

That was how they remained the rest of the trip home. Truthfully, that was how they were most days. They lived in near silence other than when they were fighting. There hadn't been a real conversation shared between them since the miscarriage. He used to try, but once you've been shot down enough times, you simply give up. He'd given up a while ago. Not on her, just on the talking.

Now, he was hanging onto the hope that if he could just hold on long enough, Elena would find a way to pull herself from this. At the very least, he hoped that she'd decide she wanted to try. Right now, she had no desire to try anything. She spent most of every day on the couch, and most of her evenings at work. Her job was the only thing she hadn't given up on. She probably turned to work for the same reason he did – it was the only real distraction they could find.

Granted, his distraction didn't really mean that he was doing a good job at work. His father had made sure to make that abundantly clear on his birthday. He was miserable each and every day, and his quality of work had suffered. It wasn't enough to lose any clients, but everyone noticed a difference. If he couldn't figure out a way to fix it before numbers started being affected, he'd be in a world of trouble. It was okay to suck royally at your job as long as money was not affected. The second the money started dwindling would be the second his father kicked him out on his ass.

Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world – not working for his father. He liked what he did, as much as he loathed to admit sometimes, but he also wondered if he could really hold his own in an arena where the keys had not been handed to him on a silver platter.

"Did you ever date Andie?" Elena blurted out as they rode up in the elevator to their floor. The rest of the ride home had been silent and he'd allowed himself to get lost in thought, thinking his night really was over. However, now on the elevator, it appeared he was mistaken. She turned to look at him, a curious look in her eyes. "Did you two have a relationship?"

"Why would you ask that?" he questioned.

His response did not suit her and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Answer the question."

The elevator doors opened and he stepped out. "Yes," he answered, his back to her. "Andie and I dated in college."

"How long?"

Damon rolled his eyes and threw an annoyed look at her over his shoulder. "Why does it matter? I dated her before I even met Katherine." When she glared at him, he sighed and said, "Almost two years."

He held the front door open for Elena to walk in. As she breezed past him, she threw out, "She wants you."

He blew out an amused laugh. She would wait until they were home to pick a fight. "Andie hasn't wanted me since we were in college. We're just friends."

Elena turned on her heel and marched over to him. She pressed her hands softly against the lapels of his suit and ran the material through her fingers. "When's the last time Caroline did this to you?"

"Never," he smirked tightly, "We have a strict no touching policy."

"Okay, what about Ava?"

"Ava fixes my suit all the time."

"When's the last time she wiped something off of your mouth for you?" she demanded while taking a step back.

"Fine, you want to play this game, let's play." He pulled off his jacket and tossed it on the table in the entryway. He didn't feel so drunk anymore. His inhibitions were lowered and he'd probably say something he'd well regret soon enough, but if she wanted to do this, he'd give her what she wanted. "We'll pretend Andie _wants me_, as you so eloquently put it. So what? I didn't do anything wrong. Why am I the one in trouble?"

"Because you spent all damn night with her, as she ran her hands all over you, laughing at every word you said. She couldn't take her eyes off of you. Hell, you were draped all over her when I came outside."

"Heaven forbid I carry a conversation on with someone instead of spending my evening pouting in a corner! And cut the bullshit, Elena! You ditched me five minutes into the party!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means!" he shouted. "You haven't carried on a decent conversation with anyone in months. Do you know how many excuses I've had to make for you? I'm two events away from killing off your grandparents."

"Go for it! Not like they're alive anyway. While you're at it, why don't you just tell them my parents died too? I've got plenty of dead family members for you to draw inspiration from."

"I have to do something to explain why you act like a raging bitch to everyone who approaches you."

"Hell, why don't we just tell everyone the truth; Damon knocked up his poor girlfriend and then she went and lost the baby!"

Damon gasped and shook his head. He looked at the woman standing in front of him, unsure of whom she was. This wasn't the Elena he met that night in the bar. This wasn't the woman that had captivated him from the very first conversation they'd ever had as she had bared her soul on the side of that pool that breezy summer night. Now, she was hollow and cold, unwilling to share anything.

"_Who are you_?"

She laughed humorlessly. "I don't know, Damon." She smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "Isn't that how we got in this mess to begin with? I didn't know what I wanted, so I couldn't give Matt what he needed from me. I had no idea what I wanted for my future, so began this whole thing with you. I didn't actually know if I wanted our child, so it died."

"Elena," he began softly, taking a slow step toward her, the wind deflating from his angered sails, "You didn't cause the miscarriage."

"Then why can't they give me a reason?" she demanded. "All my doctor told me was that these things happen; it can be a sign of something wrong in the pregnancy, but they can't actually give me a reason!"

"That doesn't mean it was you."

"Do you know the rate for a miscarriage after you hear the heartbeat?"

He lowered his head and quietly said, "No."

"Three percent," she numbly whispered. "After you hear the heartbeat, the threat of a miscarriage drops to three percent. Odds were that I shouldn't have lost that baby, but I did. The only thing I can think of is that my body handled what my brain was saying I didn't want and couldn't do. That's all I've got."

He went to her and grabbed her firmly on her arms. "You have to stop," he pleaded. "Blaming yourself and shutting everyone out – you have to stop."

"Why?" she spat.

"Because I can't do it!" he shouted, not caring that he was so close to her face he could feel her breaths against his face. He couldn't hold it in. For months he'd buried it all because there was no one to share it with. She'd been closed off to him and he'd bottled it up, waiting for the day that she'd be ready to lean on him and let him do the same in return. He couldn't do it anymore though. It hurt too much. "I can't live like this anymore. I live with a ghost and I can't handle it! You barely even look at me, much less speak to me. When I told you I needed you two months ago, you told me you couldn't, but you have to." He choked on something – perhaps desperation – in the back of his throat. "I can't do this alone."

"God," she shoved him away from her, "Why can't you just see that I can't do that? I'm trying to deal with my own problems here! Why can't you do the same? I'm not your mom, Damon! I'm nobody's mom! That's the problem!"

"I don't need my mom or for you to be a mom! I need _you_!"

She pounded her fists against her chest. "And who am I? Huh? I have a degree from Columbia University. Yet, I make my money dressing up in skimpy outfits to serve drinks at some dive bar. I was going to be a mom, but now I'm not. I applied to all of those graduate schools after Matt and me were in the air, but I haven't even bothered to think about why I'd go back to school. I'm just a 22-year-old girl who got myself in a mess that I'm not supposed to be in. So tell me, who am I?"

"You are Elena Gilbert, sister to Jeremy Gilbert. Your best friends are Bonnie Bennett and Caroline Salvatore. You are Jenna Fell's favorite niece. You are _my_ girlfriend." In spite of the past failures, he approached her again and held her face tightly in his hands. "You are an amazing writer, who is confused about what she wants to do with that right now. You're scared. Every person in the world goes through periods where they're scared, and I'm scared too. You're not alone."

"I'm not scared, Damon," she responded coldly. "I'm a million and one things right now, but I'm not scared."

"Then what are you? Tell me," he pleaded with her, clawing at the chance to open the door to conversation.

She pulled away from him and began to walk slowly around the couch, her fingers running softly over the fabric. "I'm confused because I don't know how any of this has happened. One day I was working a bar and living in a five-floor walkup. The next, I'm living in a penthouse that amasses two floors of space and overlooks Central Park West." She turned to glance out at the view of city at night. "I'm sad, because I started to want the baby and then that was just taken from me. I'm tired, because my brain never stops. It never stops going. I'm annoyed because I can barely get a moment of peace without Caroline or Bonnie or Jenna or Jeremy or You or even _Stefan_ in my face, poking and prodding at me like I'm a science experiment, where all options are being tested to see which one will finally wake the beast. Most of all, I'm just angry. I'm really fucking angry." Her voice turned cold and she swung around to face him.

"Good," he breathed out, feeling a ray of hope building within him. She was saying something, words that he could use. He could do fighting. He could do with her getting her anger out. It would help. "What are you angry about?"

She laughed completely devoid of emotion. "What am I angry about? I had a doctor tell me everything was fine when they really weren't. Because days later, I was looking down at waves of blood gushing down my legs, while it felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. Something obviously wasn't right, but nobody could tell me that! And then, they could never tell me what caused the damn thing to begin with. So, I'm a little angry at doctors right now."

"Good, what else?"

"I'm angry because I've been dragged up and down the Upper East Side in the past two months to countless dinners and balls and functions and galas. Where I'm supposed to make conversation with phony bitches who can't stand me, and not notice the businessmen talking to my chest most of the night. I'm angry because your father is right. I ruined your life. I wreaked havoc on it. That's not what I'm most angry about though. What I'm most angry about is you."

He reeled back in surprise. "Me?"

"Yes you."

"Why?"

"Because you just won't give up," she sneered. "The girl you met in the bar is gone. She's not coming back, but you just won't let it go. Do you know what it's like to have someone look at you every day with desperation flooding their eyes, their body sending off waves of hope that things will return to normal? It's hell. Living with you is exhausting. Things aren't going to go back to normal."

"I don't want to be normal!" Damon shouted. "Jesus, Elena, our whole relationship practically began as an affair! We've never been normal. I just, I want you. I don't need you to be the same. I know that's not going to happen, but I need you to try."

"I can't," she said stonily, his outburst having no affect on her.

"You don't want to," he declared, shoving a finger in her direction. "You want to be the victim." He could feel the regret immediately cross his features, but it was too late. He'd said it.

Her hand shot out before he knew what was happening and a loud slap reverberated through the room as her hand contacted with his cheek. His head whipped to the side, caught off guard by the sudden act. He remained frozen; shocked at the turn the argument had just taken. Elena gasped in horror as she stared at him, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. "Oh god," she choked from behind her hands.

Slowly, he began to back away from her, holding his hands in front of him in surrender. He looked at her and shook his head as tears pooled in her eyes. "I'm going out."

"What?" Her face fell as she watched him walk toward the door. "Where are you going?"

"Someplace that isn't here. I can't do this right now."

She rushed after him, the tears now falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"No," he shook his head. "Obviously we're not doing anything healthy right now. I need to go."

"Don't leave," she pleaded, "I'm sorry. Please don't leave."

Exhausted and feeling defeated, he shook his head. "I've had too much to drink and you're upset. It's not a good combination. I can't do this right now."

"I didn't mean it," she cried. "I'm not angry with you. I don't hate living with you. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry. Please don't go."

"I won't be gone for long, but I can't stay here, not right now." He could see the pain etched across her face, but he didn't allow it to change his mind. They couldn't be in the same room right now. They'd already said and done too much for one night, and he needed to put a stop to it.

She shook her head slowly and whispered, "Okay."

"Don't wait up." He grabbed his keys from the entryway table and walked out the front door. He stopped in the hallway, not sure of where he would even go. He couldn't go to his brother or Alaric, they didn't need to be involved in this. He truly didn't need to go drink anymore. So what did that leave for him?

Torn and confused, he slid to the floor, his back resting against the door. Through the wood, he could hear the muffled crying sounds coming from inside the penthouse. A part of him wanted to get up and go straight back inside, tell her that everything was fine, but they would both know it was a lie. Nothing was fine, no matter what he told anyone or tried to make himself believe. They'd completely imploded and now they were just rifting through the debris of what was once their relationship.

He couldn't walk away though. He couldn't do it. Some days he wondered if he'd reach the point with their relationship that he reached with Katherine, but the day wasn't coming. He couldn't seem to give up on the belief that things would get better. It wasn't like his marriage, where Katherine hadn't had a reason to act the way she did. Elena had every reason to be miserable and hate the world right now, even if it was torture for him to take every day.

Long after Elena's crying ceased inside he penthouse, Damon remained in the hallway, unmoving and lost in a whirlwind of emotions. He didn't know what to do anymore. No choice seemed like the right choice. All he could do was wait and hope.

When his legs finally went to sleep, he decided that he should go back inside. Even though he'd told Elena not to wait up, she was probably still wide awake, chasing after the elusive beast that was sleep. She fought with it at night and fell prey to it during the day. Sure enough, as he crept quietly into their dark bedroom, he found her awake, staring up at the ceiling. When he heard her, she sat up, and he could see the tears that stained her face.

"You're back," she whispered.

"I told you I would be."

"I know, I just thought you might not come back until tomorrow."

Unable to resist the stricken look on her face any longer, he quickly crossed the room and climbed on the bed. He crawled to her and cupped her face in his hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."

Her bottom lip trembled at his words. "I shouldn't have hit you." With shaking fingers, she lifted them to gently touch the red mark on his cheek. "Does it hurt?"

"No," he denied, "I've taken worse." Truthfully, it did still sting. The diamond band of the ring she'd worn on her right hand had caught his cheek and broken the skin, but he wouldn't point it out to her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized tearfully. "I'm so sorry." Suddenly, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against the mark on his cheek. "I didn't mean it. I promise I didn't."

As her lips traveled over his face, he knew he should end this before it started. As much as he missed sex and as good as it may be, they weren't ready for that yet. It wasn't going to solve anything. But when her lips touched his, all rational thoughts fled his brain. He hadn't touched her like this in months and he missed it. He missed her. Her thoughts seemed to be on the same page as his and soon she was pulling him down on the bed to cover her body with his.

She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding him tightly to her, and moaning softly when his lips found the sensitive spot on her neck. Just because it had been like a lifetime since he'd touched her didn't mean her body wasn't etched into his memory. He knew every curve of her body and just how to touch them to drive her wild.

"Elena," he groaned, when her hands found their way to his pants and began undoing them.

"Let's make a baby," she breathed against his skin. He pulled her hands away from the button of his pants and rolled off of her. "What are you doing?"

Sighing, he moved across the bed and dropped his legs over the side. "Don't say things like that."

She scrambled after him and slid off the bed so she could sit in front of him on the floor. She rested on her knees between his legs and looked up at him. "Let's do it."

"We can't," he told her softly, trying to keep his voice calm and easy. "You know what the doctor said. She told us we had to wait at least three months."

"That's just a couple weeks away. I know my body, Damon. I can handle it."

"A few hours ago you were telling me that you thought you lost the baby because you didn't really want it." He pointed this out to her slowly and concisely, trying to get her to see reason and drop this before it could go further.

She looked hurt by this reminder. "Don't you want a baby with me."

"Don't do that," he bit out between gritted teeth. "Don't turn this around on me."

"What's wrong, then?"

"I can't do that again," he choked out. "I can't get excited and start planning for things, and then find you in a pool of your own blood. I can't see the look on your face when the doctor tells you that it's gone. I can't do it. I can't." He was shaking his head, pleading for understanding from her, the acceptance of his stance. She didn't really mean what she was saying. She was emotional and scared. She didn't want to really get pregnant.

She stared up at him for several long moments, pain flashing through her eyes. He didn't know how she had expected him to react, but it apparently hadn't been like this. "Okay," she finally said and stood up. "I won't ask again."

"I'm not saying no forever," he explained as she walked around to her side of the bed. "I'm just saying it's not the right time. We're in no place to have a child."

"We weren't in the place to have a child when I got pregnant before, but you said we'd figure it out," she murmured, but didn't press anymore. Her body rigid with tension, she got back into bed and situated herself beneath the covers.

He'd handled it wrongly, just as he always seemed to do. He should have found better words, or an easier way to get his point across. Feeling a need to try and fix it, he moved to her side of the bed again. He hovered above her as she stared at the ceiling above, but when his face blocked her gaze, she allowed her eyes to meet his. The tears were shining brightly in his eyes as he looked down at her, trying to find the right words to express his feelings to her. Knowing of nothing else, he finally whispered, "I love you."


	21. Flowers for a Ghost

Author's Note: I normally don't do the same character two chapters in a row, but Damon's POV was the only one that felt right for this chapter. It all seemed to flow from the beginning. It's a lengthy chapter, as I know you all have come to expect from me, but think of it as an early Christmas present. I really wanted to get this up for you all before Christmas, so I hope you enjoy it. I know these past few chapters have been rough, but things will calm down soon, I promise. Thank you to my amazing beta, Anna. She helps talk me through all of my confusions with chapters and tells me if things are off or disjointed. She's a lot of the reason you all don't get something crappy from me. She helps make sense of my madness. Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone, or Happy Holidays, if you participate in another amazing celebration. I can't wait to read your reviews for this chapter, it will be my own little Christmas present. lol

**Chapter 20**

**Who will bring me flowers when it's over?  
>And who will give me comfort when it's gone?<br>Who will I belong to when the day just won't give in?  
>And who will tell me how it ends, and how it all begins? <strong>

Stefan stared at Damon after he'd ended the call with Andie and handed the phone back. "What?" he finally asked, when his brother continued to stare at him.

"Nothing." He quickly shook his head. "Nothing."

"Just give it up, Stefan. We both know you're dying to say whatever it is going through your head."

"You don't want to hear what I have to say. You're just going to do whatever it is you want, no matter what. Might as well keep my mouth shut."

"When has that ever stopped you before?"

"I just, I hope you know what you're doing. That's all I'm going to say."

Damon wished he had an answer for him. Truthfully, he didn't know what he was doing. He hadn't really known what he was doing for years now. Sometimes it felt like he did, but mostly he was just flying blind.

"Andie's the right choice for me. I love her." He really did love Andie. She'd been in his life on and off for over ten years. She had never let him down or abandoned him. She had never left him alone when he needed her, and that counted for something. It counted for a lot.

It was why he'd proposed to her. There was no crippling fear that came along with dating Andie. Katherine had laid a crushing blow to him with the end of their marriage, and Elena had delivered the near fatal one when they'd ended. He didn't have to worry about that with Andie. Their love was mature and simple.

If he kept repeating the words to himself, everything would be fine. He'd be fine.

* * *

><p>Damon sighed tiredly while he rode the elevator up to his floor. Nothing had gotten better in the past two weeks since he told Elena he loved her. She'd laid silently beneath him for several minutes before she finally repeated the words back to him. They hadn't been filled with warmth or love though. She had sounded so dejected and broken. He knew she was being honest; she loved him. He'd known this for a long time, but there was no happiness about what she felt for him. It was acceptance for what her life had become at that moment.<p>

There had been no more fighting since then, but they weren't communicating either. They existed, orbiting around each other like two planets in the solar system, passing briefly, but never on the same path. Everyone around them was becoming increasingly worried, but they'd learned to keep their mouths shut. Damon and Elena were being left to their own devices for now, and they weren't good.

There hadn't even been a celebration of her birthday last week. Her transition to 23 had been uneventful and quiet. The only think that had even been done for it was a lunch that Caroline and Bonnie took her to. He hadn't bought her a gift; there was nothing that she would have liked. He wished her a happy birthday and let that be that.

The penthouse was oddly quiet when he entered. Normally the television was on or music would be coming from somewhere. Elena hated the silence now, could barely stand it. Nervous, he set his things down in the entryway and made his way back toward the bedroom. The light was on, indicating that she was, in fact, home. He entered to find her standing by the bed, two suitcases open by her feet on the floor and a pile of clothes on the bed.

He froze in the doorway, taking in the sight before him. She was too busy sorting through her clothes to notice him, occasionally dropping an item into the filling suitcases. The realization of what was going on had his heart racing. "Elena?" he questioned, desperate for some answer for what was happening.

She jumped at the sound of his voice and if he'd had any doubt before that she wasn't doing what he thought she was, it was all erased now. She was a woman caught red handed, doing something she didn't want anyone to know she was doing. After the quiet gasp fell from her lips, she turned to face him, eyes wide and filled with fear. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," he told her slowly. "I think the better question is what are you doing?"

Nervous, she looked down at the bags and then clothes on the bed, swallowing thickly as she too took in the sight of the bedroom. "You weren't supposed to find out like this," she whispered.

"Find out what, Elena?" He was getting angry now. Why was she in their room packing her bags? Where was she going? Why was he not supposed to know? How could he fix this?

All of those thoughts ran through his head as he tried to process everything in this moment, but it was all so jumbled. She was leaving him. There was no way to deny it. No matter what she said, he knew she was. She'd stuck around this disaster long enough and now she was done.

"I'm leaving." Her voice was timid and quiet, like a school child's who had just been scolded for doing something wrong. She wasn't a school child though, she was a 23-year-old woman. She owed him a real explanation.

"I can see that. What I want to know is why."

"You know exactly why."

"But why like this? Were you just going to let me come home and find that all of your things were gone? How exactly did you plan on this going?"

"I don't know." He could tell that she was being honest. She was running blind right now, no idea of how she would proceed with each passing minute. This wasn't something that had been planned out. Maybe in theory it had been, but not in reality.

"Seeing as you don't have much of an answer for anything. Let's start with the basics. Where are you going?" Her face paled at the question and he knew he hadn't asked as basic of a question as he'd thought. She hadn't wanted him to ask this, and that made him more suspicious. Fear sliding through his veins, he stepped further into the room. "Where are you going Elena?"

"I need you to stay calm."

"Tell me where you're going and I'll stay calm." Scared, she shook her head and her eyes darted throughout the room. She gnawed on her bottom lip, unable to form concise words. "Tell me where you're going!" he shouted.

She looked at him then, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

He rushed forward, his hands clawing at the bed, tossing everything away that didn't give him a clue as to what she had to be so sorry for. Finally, at the bottom of a pile, he found a white sheet of paper – a plane ticket for three hours from now, to Chicago. She wasn't just moving out. "You're leaving me." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact. In his hands, he had the proof of a one-way ticket to Chicago that told him she was.

"I know this must look bad," she began, her words choppy and blending together all at once.

"Look bad?" He dropped the ticket back to the bed and stared up at her incredulously. "This _is_ bad." He shook his head and backed away, trying to find clarity in everything, but two feet of distance from her wasn't going to really give him that. He knew it, but he still tried. "I know that things are bad. I'd understand if you wanted to move out, but this? Moving to Chicago at the drop of a dime? I can't understand that. What are you doing?"

Her hands were shaking as she picked her way through another pile on the bed, only to come up with a stack of papers. She swallowed thickly and handed them over to him. "I got accepted to Northwestern to get my Masters."

He slapped the papers from her hands. "You got accepted to NYU too! Why Chicago?"

Her face pale and drawn tight with fear, she shook her head. "I wanted to talk to you about this."

"Really? Cause what I'm looking at right now tells me otherwise. What I'm seeing is that you were planning to run out while I was at work. Were you going to leave me a note? Is that what you planned to do?"

"No!" she exclaimed, moving to step toward him, but then quickly rethought her decision and stayed in place. "Everything happened so quickly."

"Okay then," he said slowly, "You said you wanted to talk, so talk." He waved his hand in front of him. "The floor is yours."

"You knew that I'd applied to several schools when I was still with Matt. I was confused and thought maybe time away from the city would do me good. Then we happened and I got pregnant, so I let it go, because there was so much else to think about. Once I lost the baby, I started getting my acceptance letters, most of them you knew about. I didn't plan on enrolling anywhere, but after your birthday, I just," she stopped, her voice choking, and he watched the tears fill her eyes. After a few moments, she looked back up at him, her eyes glistening. "I can't do this anymore."

"But what does that have to do with you moving to Chicago? Why can't you stay here?"

"If you could just listen—"

"Listen?" he shouted, cutting her off in the middle of her sentence, not caring where it was going. He knew he'd told her that he'd give her the chance to speak, but he couldn't stay silent as he listened to her. "What is there to listen to? I already know what you're going to say. You're leaving. It's too hard. You just can't handle it anymore. How am I doing? Am I warm yet?"

"It is hard," she cried out. "I wake up every day and I can't breathe. I don't know how to be here anymore."

He shook his head in disgust. She said these things to him like he didn't get it. For months, she'd talked to him like he didn't understand – like he wasn't in pain too. She walked around like she was the only one that was hurting because it hadn't actually happened to him. But it did happen to him. She hadn't been the only one to lose someone that night.

"You know how you be here, Elena?" He slid his hands under her chin, to keep her face firmly in front of his. "You _be_ here. You talk about it and you deal with it. You lean on me. You lean on your friends. That's how you be here."

"It's not that simple," she whispered softly, tears falling silently down her cheeks.

"It is that simple."

"Not for me." She reached up and removed his hands from her neck and lowered them softly to his side. "I start at Northwestern in a few weeks. We both knew this was the plan."

"The plan was for you to get your Masters at NYU, at some point, where they also offer the same program. You moving all the way across the country was not the plan."

"It is for me."

"I know that things are hard right now. I know these last few months have been hell, but you don't run away, Elena. You stay and you fight." He forced himself to push the anger down, knowing that if he was going to save this, he had to be calm and rational.

"I can't stay here anymore," she whispered. "I just, I need to get away. I need to be somewhere that…"

"Somewhere that you'll be alone," he pointed out desolately. "All of your friends are here, Elena. Caroline and Bonnie aren't going to be in Chicago. They're going to be here, in New York."

"I know."

"So what exactly do you think that Chicago is going to accomplish? Do you think if you run far enough away that your problems won't catch up with you?"

Something in her eyes faded and she reached up to wipe the tears from her face. Her voice was detached as she spoke, "I don't know. All I know is that I can't stay here. I can't stay in this house. You keep telling me I need to move on; well this is how I do it. Maybe if I'm not surrounded by everything, I can figure things out. Things aren't getting better; we can both see that. This is the only choice I have." She went back to packing her clothes then, turning away from him. Her body was rigid as she sorted through her clothes, tension radiating from her, but she continued on.

"Don't you get it?" he yelled, desperation clawing at his vocal cords. She was shutting down and he was getting more extreme with each passing moment. "Being alone isn't going to help anything. You need people around you. If that person isn't me, then it's not me, I can handle that, but you need your friends. You need Bonnie and Caroline to help you."

"Using them as crutches isn't going to help anything. I need to figure this out for myself. I need to figure out how to be okay again. I can't do that in New York."

"So go home." He threw out the suggestion with a shred of hope that she'd choose Virginia instead of Chicago. If she went there for school, she'd be gone for years. She'd be lost to him. "Go see Jenna. She asks you to come home every week."

"You don't get it," she told him, an edge creeping into her voice. "Nobody can help me. I have to do this on my own."

"You're wrong." He ran a hand over his worn face, wishing that he could get her to see some logic, but she just continued to pack her suitcases. Her mind was made up, and he was helpless to do anything about it. "What happens when you get out there and you realize that you made a mistake?"

Her voice calm and even, she said, "I don't know what you want me to say, Damon. I've given you my reasons. I can't change your mind if you don't agree with it."

"What is there to agree with? You're abandoning everything you know on the hopes that things will get better."

"I have to do something with my life." She wrung her hands in front of her. "I keep running into the same problems. I couldn't commit to Matt because I didn't know what I wanted. I started sleeping with you because we were both confused and looking for answers. I can't find my answers with a guy. I have to find them in myself."

"I'm not just a guy, Elena," he pointed out sadly. "I'm the man you live with. I'm the man you were planning to raise a child with. You love me." His voice fell as he emotionally said, "I love you."

She closed her eyes at his words and turned away from him. Her attempt to close him out faltered and he could see her walls shaking on their foundation. "Please don't say that right now," she pleaded quietly. "I just need you to let me do this."

"No," he grabbed her arm and forced her around to face him, "I'm not going to make this easy on you. I'm not letting you walk out that door without a fight. So, you want to leave? You're going to have to go through me."

"Don't do this to yourself."

"Do what? Fight for you?"

"There's nothing to fight for. Don't you get it?" She sighed and ran her hands through her long tresses. He could see her brain searching for the right words, any words to make him understand, but she wouldn't find them. Nothing would make him understand her running away. "You're right, I do love you, but there's something wrong with me. I'm not me anymore. I'm lost in this darkness and I don't know how to let you help me. And I know you need me, but I don't know how to be there for you right now. I can't do anything with us, if I can't do anything for myself."

As one last ditch effort, he captured her face in his hands. He could feel the tears swimming in his eyes when he looked at her. "Please don't leave New York," he begged her. "If you want to move out, I'll help you find someplace. I'll give you space if that's what you want, but don't go to Chicago. Please don't leave me like this."

A cry struggled to break free from the back of her throat and she was shaking her head in his hands. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice almost too quiet to here. "I love you."

"Oh god," he groaned. His chest constricted painfully in his chest and he dropped his hands from her face like she'd burned him. He stumbled back, struggling to see straight. Everything was collapsing around him and he found it hard to stay on his feet.

"Damon," she called his name, worry ringing through her voice. "Damon?"

A hollow laugh finally fell from his lips, sounding slightly maniacal to his ears. "You have got to be kidding me," he laughed, and then he snapped. Something in him broke as he stared at her, knowing that it was all over after how hard he'd fought to hang on until things could get better. "How the hell have I wound up here _twice_?" His arm swept out and swung over the dresser, sending everything flying to the floor. "I must have pathetic bastard written on my forehead, because this is, god, this is just unbelievable."

"Damon, you need to calm down," she held her hands in front of her and slowly came toward him.

"Calm down?" He pushed her away from him. "All I've been is calm for three months. I'm done being the good guy. I'm done trying to help you. I'm done trying to fix things. We're over. You want to leave, then leave. I don't want to ever see you again."

"You don't mean that," she reasoned, but he shook his head, through listening to reason.

"I do. You and me? We're done. You walk out that door, don't bother coming back, because I'm through with you."

"Chicago isn't forever," she cried, her voice sounding panicked and scared. "It's just to help me figure things out."

"I don't care how long you're in Chicago." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care where the fuck you spend your life, Elena, because it doesn't affect me anymore. That's the beauty of all of this. The second you walk out that door, I don't ever have to deal with you again."

"Damon, please don't say things like that."

"Jesus, Elena! What did you expect? That I'd help you pack and take you to the airport? Maybe send you off with a romantic kiss and a promise that I'd wait forever for you? Newsflash, Elena! That's not how this works. I'm not going to wait for you. I'm not going to pretend like I'm okay with this. And I'm not going to make you feel better about being a coward. You want to ruin your life? Do it yourself. I'm done helping you." She looked like he'd physically struck her, but he didn't waver in his anger. "Get out," he told her coldly. "I want you out. Now."

Her eyes widened. "I haven't even finished packing."

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Well, let me help you." He stormed over to the bed and threw the pile of clothes in the suitcases. She came behind him, begging him to calm down and stop, but he didn't listen. He was done doing anything she wanted him to do. He didn't care that her suitcases wouldn't fully close, simply gathered them in his arms, letting stray clothes fall to the floor as he walked through the penthouse, Elena crying out behind him.

"Damon, stop!" she shouted. "What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of my house," he sneered. With a haphazard throw he tossed her bags into the hallway, watching the clothes fly through the air before everything came tumbling to the floor. He turned to her, a deadly look in his eyes. "Get the rest of your stuff and get out."

"Don't end things like this. It doesn't have to be this way."

"Fine, I'll do it." He pushed her out of his way and went back to the bedroom, where he turned and entered the bathroom. He grabbed as many products of hers as he could get and made his way back to the living room. "There," he told her after he'd thrown everything into the hallway and taken his key from her purse, only to send it flying out the front door as well. "Now get out." He held the door and motioned for her to leave, but she stayed firm in her spot. "Leave, Elena, before I make you."

"I know you're upset, but don't end it like this. You know you don't want to."

His jaw clenched tightly in rising anger. "What I want is for you to get out of my house and my life."

"I love you. I didn't want it to happen this way," she cried distraughtly.

The words felt like a knife to his heart and he couldn't stand to lay eyes on her for a moment longer. With more force than he ever thought he'd use on a woman, he grabbed her by her arms and shoved her into the hallway. "Have fun finding someone else to deal with your fucked up life, Elena."

And with that, he slammed the door on her and everything they'd ever shared together.

"Damon!" she shouted through the door as she pounded her fists against it, but without her key, she was locked on the other side, away from him forever.

He listened to her screams for twenty minutes before they finally stopped, and he was left in startling silence. Her clothing was strewn through the penthouse, littering the normally pristine floor. Caroline could send those to her later. He wasn't going to ever let her come back to get them, and he wasn't going to bother getting them to her.

"Son of a bitch!" he roared, kicking over the coffee table. There was a battle waging inside of him, every emotion fighting to become the victor. This war carried on well into the night, until everything grew hazy. He didn't know when he started drinking, but somehow, one drink turned into two drinks, which turned into drinking straight from the bottle, which turned into absolute nothingness.

Next thing he knew, there were panicked hands on him, forcefully shaking him, and calling out his name. "Damon! Damon, wake up!" He groaned and tried to shove the hands away, but they quickly returned. "Open your eyes. Look at me!"

"Leave me alone," he mumbled, trying to twist his body away, but it was of no use. The arms wrapped around him and he was floating on air through his penthouse, unable to respond or react in any way. He landed unceremoniously on the hard floor, his head bouncing off the wall, but it made no difference to him. He simply moved into as comfortable a position as he could, ready to fall back into a glorious state of unconsciousness.

A wave of ice-cold water rained down on him, shocking him into semi-awareness. He sputtered as the water fell into his mouth and struggled to reach up and remove himself from this cruel torture chamber he'd found himself in, but hands only slapped his arms back down. Those same hands gripped his face and jerked his head forward. "Damon!"

With more strength than normally needed, he forced his eyes open as far as he could, to find Stefan's scared face staring back at him. His green eyes searched Damon's, looking for what, he didn't know. "Let go." He pulled his head away, but Stefan's grip was stronger. "Stop."

"How much did you drink?" Stefan demanded. Unsure, Damon groaned and let his eyes fall shut again. "Dammit, Damon! How much did you drink?"

"Go away, Stefan." The cold water seemed to no longer have an affect, and Damon went thankfully into the darkness.

The next time he opened his eyes, there was a pounding in his head, gnawing it in half. He was also met with a blinding light that only intensified the horrific pain in his head. There were hushed voices coming from somewhere nearby. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? I can stay here and watch him." Caroline's voice was quiet and worried.

"You know I can't do that." It was Stefan's voice he heard next, but he couldn't figure out what they were talking about.

Though his body screamed out in protest, he turned his head to see where he was. It was far too bright for his liking, but it was clear that he was in his bedroom. So, what were Caroline and Stefan doing here? "He's fine, Stefan," Caroline reassured him. "You need a break."

"I'm not leaving him. End of story." There were shuffling footsteps and then Stefan appeared in the doorway. When he saw Damon was awake he released a visible sigh of relief. "You're awake." He came across the room and stood over the bed to stare down at Damon. "You're up." He brushed his hand along Damon's forehead and back into his hair. "How do you feel?"

"Like I -," his mouth was so dry he needed to swallow before he could continue on. The simple act had him coughing and gripping at his burning throat. Suddenly, he turned confused eyes on his brother. "What happened?"

"I couldn't keep you conscious enough to find out how much you'd had to drink. I had to call the doctor. You had alcohol poisoning."

"Oh god," he groaned, trying to push himself into a seated position. "Did you take me to the hospital?"

"No, no!" Stefan quickly debunked his belief and pushed Damon back onto the bed. "I had the doctor come here. We had to pump your stomach and give you some fluids. No hospital."

"You're lucky Stefan found you when he did," Caroline spoke up from just outside of his bedroom. She hovered nervously, looking unsure of whether she should cross the threshold or not. "It was bad."

"Yeah, thanks," he mumbled, unsure of what to say.

The night came back to him in bits and pieces: finding Elena packing her bags, begging her not to leave, throwing her out when he couldn't take it anymore, tearing apart as much of the penthouse as he could get his hands on, consuming all the alcohol in sight. He could even vaguely remember Stefan trying to wake him up after he'd passed out in a drunken stupor, but he didn't remember many details. It was so much of a blur.

He turned to the clock on his bedside table to try and get an idea of how long he'd been passed out. When he saw the time reflected as just past noon he jumped out of bed. "Oh shit," he cursed, but it came out as more of a rasp. He had a meeting a 1:00 that he could not miss. Not to mention, he'd already missed two meetings this morning. His father was going to murder him.

Elena couldn't have picked a night to leave him when he didn't have a million and one meetings the next day?

"What are you doing?" Stefan pushed his hands on Damon's shoulders, shoving him back onto the bed. "Damon, stop! You should be in bed."

"I have a meeting in less than an hour." He pushed his brother's hands from his arms. "I don't have time to stay in bed."

"Damon, you're not going into work today." Stefan kept his hands firmly on Damon's chest. "I already talked to dad. You're not going to work."

"You talked to dad!" he shouted. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You couldn't go to work today. He rescheduled the meeting for tomorrow. It's fine."

Damon grimaced and shoved Stefan away from him. "You had no right to make that decision for me. I would have been fine."

"Fine?" Stefan asked incredulously. "I found you passed out on the living room floor last night, barely breathing. You were not fine. You couldn't even stay conscious long enough to tell me how much you'd had to drink."

"So, I got a little carried away," he brushed off his brother's worries and fear. He'd gotten a little too drunk before and he'd get a little too drunk again. "It's not the first time it's happened."

"We had to pump your stomach, Damon! What part of alcohol poisoning don't you get?"

The stomach pumping would explain why his throat was on fire. He didn't realize he'd had that much to drink last night. Granted, he could barely remember when he'd started drinking, so it wasn't that surprising that he couldn't remember how much. He wished that Stefan hadn't had to see him like that.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he asked quietly. "You've done your good deed. You can go home now."

Stefan shook his head, a determined look on his face. "I'm not going to do that."

"Just go, Stefan."

"You know I didn't show up here by accident, Damon," Stefan told him quietly. "I know what happened."

"Don't," Damon snapped, pointing a finger in his brother's direction. "Shut your mouth."

"Elena showed up at our front door last night with her suitcases, sobbing. It took me twenty minutes to get her to calm down enough to talk." Damon tensed at Caroline's voice. She'd now made the step to cross into his room, but she still awkwardly swayed on her feet. Her voice caught as she said, "We know she's gone."

Damon looked away from Caroline and kept his gaze away from Stefan. He stared ahead, trying to block out the pain her words caused him. "I don't care. Elena and I, we're done."

"You drank so much, you blacked out, because you didn't care?" Stefan questioned.

"It was a mistake. It won't happen again." He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to think about it. He just wanted it over.

"Don't do this. You can't shut it out. You have to deal with it."

"There's nothing to deal with, Stefan. We were together. Now we're not. I got through my divorce, and I'll get through this."

Stefan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I think you're determined to ruin your life." He turned and left Damon's bedroom, throwing his hands up in frustration as he walked down the hallway. "I'm not gonna watch you kill yourself, Damon."

Caroline watched after him for a moment, biting her lip as she seemed to decide whether she should follow him or not. With a sigh and a shrug of her shoulders she looked back to Damon. "He loves you, you know."

"Well, maybe it wouldn't kill him to love from a distance every now and then." He was perfectly aware of how hypocritical he sounded. He made it his business to insert himself in Stefan's life on a consistent basis. Before Stefan could ask for help, he was usually already hard at work on cleaning up his mess. Yet, he never responded well when Stefan tried to do the same. He didn't like his brother trying to fix things for him. He wanted to handle his problems on his own.

"But it might kill you," she pointed out. She glanced over her shoulder and then moved to Damon's side of the bed. "Look, I'm not going to defend Elena or try to pretend that I understand why she's done what she has, but I know what I saw last night. I saw a girl who was scared and devastated because of what happened. She knows that she didn't do things right, but she also knows you wouldn't have listened to her long enough to understand that."

"Forgive me for not being in the listening mood after I'd found her packing all of her things, so she could be gone when I got home."

Caroline flinched at the tone in his voice, but then reached into her back pocket. "Stefan will be furious when he finds out I'm giving this to you, but I figure you might at least want the option to read it." She pulled out an envelope and held it out to him. "Elena wrote this before she left. She asked me to give it to you."

He stared at the envelope as if it might burn him, unsure of whether to accept it from Caroline or not. What could Elena have possibly said in that letter that would change anything about last night? She would still be gone. He would still be alone. They would still be over.

"What does it say?"

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I didn't read it."

With great reluctance he grabbed the envelope from her. "I'm not saying I'll read it, but thanks."

"You're welcome." She stood next to the bed for a few more moments before shrugging and backing away. "I should probably go see how Stefan is. I'll try to make sure he doesn't stay for too long." When she got to the door she stopped and looked at him. There was a pained expression on her face when she said, "For what it's worth, I think Elena made a really big mistake last night."

He smiled softly, but looked away from her. Even if he had grown fond of Caroline, they were not at a level where he could be open with her, especially about Elena. "Go take care of my brother."

She disappeared down the hallway, leaving him alone with the heavy envelope in his hands. The envelope held every thought and explanation that Elena had tried to say to him last night. He didn't know what she could possibly have written that would make any of her actions make sense. She gave up on them. How would a letter change that?

It wouldn't. That was the conclusion he came to. Nothing that was in this letter would make him believe she hadn't given up on them at a time when he needed her more than anything. He'd begged her not to go, and she'd thrown it all back in his face. Everything he'd ever done for her and given her, she'd poured it all down the drain.

That wasn't what hurt the most though. What killed him was that he'd given her everything he had and it hadn't been enough. His actions and love for her hadn't been enough to pull her back from the edge. He hadn't been able to save her from herself, and now he never would. She was gone, and he'd lost her forever. Even if she came back tomorrow, insisting that she'd made a mistake and wanted to be with him, he didn't think he could do it anymore.

Elena made him feel things he thought he'd never be able to feel after Katherine, and so much more. She made everything real again. She'd fought her way into his heart, forcing him to fall in love with her, only to leave him all alone, able to feel every moment of pain. He didn't want to feel anything anymore. He wanted to be numb.

It was that driving desire that got Damon through the next three months. Each day he woke up, determined to shut out everything he felt and forget about everything he'd lost. He threw himself into work, resigned to distract his mind with clients and advertising campaigns for most of his day. Then, when he left work, he went straight to the bar. He'd sit, completely alone with a bottle of scotch, until some poor, unsuspecting girl hit on him. They'd inevitably end up back at his place or hers – the locale didn't so much matter, as long as he got a few hours free of Elena from his mind.

"Damon!" his father snapped, grabbing his attention from where he was staring out the window, the sight lulling him to sleep. He hadn't gotten more than two hours of sleep a night since Elena left, and it was beginning to catch up with him. He could barely keep his eyes open. "You need to pay attention."

He slowly twisted the chair around to face his father. "Don't you mean I need to pretend like I care?"

"No, I need you to care. I need you to wake up and start doing your job."

"I have been doing my job. I'm here twelve hours a day, dad. My work is getting done." Maybe it wasn't his most inspired work, but nobody had complained yet.

His father sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I know that things have been hard, but this isn't how you fix things."

"You! That's it!" Damon snapped his fingers and pointed them toward his father. "For months I've been telling Stefan that he sounds exactly like some annoying little bastard, but I just couldn't place it. It's you! He sounds exactly like you!" He smiled at this connection that he'd finally made. How had he not been able to connect the dots until just now? Of course it was their father that Stefan sounded just like.

His father reeled back at Damon's words. "Are you drunk?"

He shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. "Maybe." He'd had so much to drink the night before it was very well possible that he was still drunk.

"Dammit, Damon." His father stood up and began pacing the office. "You've pulled a lot of crap over the years, but showing up drunk at work has to be a new one."

"Are you talking to me as my father or as my boss?"

"I'm always talking to you as your father."

"Whatever, dad. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm truly single for the first time in years. I'm just enjoying that."

"And killing yourself is enjoyable?" he questioned. "Is that fun?"

"Yeah, it is."

His father's face paled and he froze mid-step on the other side of the office. "Don't say things like that."

"Oh, relax, dad. I'm not really killing myself, just having some fun."

"I accept a lot from you, but do not lie to me." Giuseppe rested his hands on his waist. He seemed to consider his next words carefully before he spoke. "I'm not blind. I know what's been going on the past few months. I know about the alcohol poisoning." When Damon opened his mouth to fire off a quick retort, Giuseppe held up his hand to quiet him. "Before you blame your brother, he wasn't the one who told me. No, he's lied very convincingly about it since day one. I play golf with the doctor that came to pump your stomach. So, don't try to tell me that this has all just been you having a little fun."

"Okay, fine," Damon relented. "You know my dirty little secret. Get on with the lecture or get out of my office."

Sorrow passed over his father's features as he shook his head. "I know I've made a lot of mistakes with you – that I still make mistakes with you. Yes, I intervene in your life when you don't want me to, like with Elena. I do it because I want what's best for you. That's all I've ever wanted for you."

Damon rolled his eyes and swiveled the chair around to face out the window again. His father's words were all well and grand, but they wouldn't last. He'd never truly be just his son. He would always be the one that everything would be left to when his father stepped down, which made him like a puppet in his father's eyes. "Very touching, dad. Your fatherly moments quota of the year has been filled."

"I'm talking to you, Damon!" his father shouted, angry at Damon's nonchalance and unwillingness to look at him. "You owe me the respect to listen to what I have to say."

"I don't owe you shit." Damon stood up from his chair and turned to look at his father. "You've done nothing but try to control me my entire life. As a boss, you maybe earn some respect. You run a good company, I'll give you that. As a father though? You suck!"

"That doesn't mean you don't owe me some respect. I raised you and gave you the chance to have all of this."

"I didn't have a chance for anything!" Damon yelled. "This was my destiny from the day I was born. You never entertained the idea of another plan in life for me. This was it! Well, congratulations, you got me here, and I'm damn good at what I do. You've groomed me well for your job, but you failed in every aspect of being a father. You're lucky Stefan got out as sane as he is."

"I did the best I could. It wasn't exactly an easy time for me either."

"You were a parent! You had a responsibility to me and Stefan and you left us to fend for ourselves."

"I prepared you for the real world."

"No! You prepared me for your world! This isn't how normal people live, dad. Our problems aren't how are we going to be able to pay our bills, they're which stock we should let go of on any given day, and what projects to invest in. This isn't the real world."

"If I've been so horrible and done such a terrible job as your father, why are you still here? Your trust fund is yours, no clause. You have the credentials to be hired by just about anyone, I'm sure. So, if this is so below you, why are you still here?"

"You know what?" Damon grabbed his phone from his desk and walked toward his office door. "You're right. You're absolutely right."

"Damon, what are you doing?"

"Leaving."

"I wasn't done talking."

"Well, I am." He threw a wave over his shoulder and slammed the door in his father's face.

"Damon!" his father followed him down the hallway, weighing him down again. Didn't this man ever give up?

"Go away, dad. We're done."

"We are not done until I say we're done!"

People slowly began to peek out from their offices and down the hall to see the commotion between the most important men in the company.

"There's nothing left to discuss, dad." He turned around and shouted down the hallway, "You're not going to agree with my decisions no matter what I do, so I'm done. I quit." He spun around slowly, his arms raised above his head. "Goodbye, everyone. It's been fun these past few years, but it's time for me to go have fun with my trust fund. Have fun being stuck in this hell hole with him."

When he stopped, he saw his father's face hard as stone, his blue eyes burning with fury. "You are a disgrace," he spat.

"I don't care."

He turned to continue toward the elevator when his father called out, "Son, have the common decency to stay away from the bartenders when you go out."

Damon froze and slowly twisted to face his dad. "What did you say?" he asked, blind rage bubbling up in the back of his throat.

His father took step forward, shoulders high; eyes level with Damon's. "You heard me."

"You son of a bitch!" He went after his father then, fist raised and poised to land a crushing blow, but before he could reach him, arms blocked him off, pushing him back. "She wasn't just another girl, and you know it!" he shouted, straining against the pairs of arms holding him back. "She was carrying my child!" He could dimly hear a collective gasp travel through the hallway, but he didn't acknowledge it. All of his attention was focused on the man in front of him. "She was supposed to be the mother of my child and I loved her, but congratulations! You got your wish dad, it's dead and she's gone! You got just what you wanted!"

"Damon!" Ava appeared in front of him, a distraught look on her face. "Calm down," she whispered to him. "You need to calm down."

"No!" he shoved the arms that were gripping at him, pushing himself away from the crowd that had gathered. "Fuck him! I'll be calm when he's dead!" He pinned his father with one last gaze as he said, "You should have died instead of mom."

Leaving those as his parting words, he turned on his heel and fled to the elevator. He couldn't get out of this place fast enough. Today, like every other day, had been a disaster. He needed to find alcohol, and he needed to forget. It would require more than what he'd been doing these past few months, but it could be done.

Maybe it was that wish that sent him straight into the arms of his past. He didn't know if it was a conscious decision or an act of pure fate, but when he saw those brown eyes across the bar, he knew he'd been granted his wish. She smiled and sashayed over to him, the same swing in her hips as always. She was poured into a tight dress and looked as gorgeous as she always had. He'd never be able to deny her beauty, no matter what terms they were on.

"Look who came out of hibernation."

He smirked and lifted one eyebrow. "I've been committed for long enough. It's time to celebrate being single again."

Her lip tugged upward, and he saw a glimmer in her eyes. "Finally ditch the cheap imitation you were carting around town?"

"Careful, Katherine," Damon warned lightly, "Green isn't a good color on you."

"Every color is a good color on me."

"Really?" he questioned skeptically. "Cause I seem to remember wearing absolutely nothing being your best look."

And that was how he found himself stumbling into his room with Katherine in his arms. They fell into bed, limbs entangled and lips locked. The clothes soon relocated to the floor, leaving room for familiarizing himself again with a body he once had memorized better than he'd known his own. It didn't take much; the sex had always been their strongest bond – a fact Katherine knew as well.

"We might have sucked at marriage, but we were always good with this," she whispered against the slick skin of his neck.

He roughly grabbed her arms and flipped her over onto her back, and pinned her arms above her head. "No talking." Her head snapped up and her teeth nipped at his bottom lip. "Better."

They came together easily, falling seamlessly into their old rhythm. It was a night filled with remembrance and a comfort that they'd once only been able to receive from the other. It wasn't love or a desire to be together again, but a need to take what the other could give them tonight, and when it was over, they repeated it again and again, until they could no longer keep their eyes open. It was only when the morning sun was beginning to shine through the window that they fell to sleep, retreating to their designated sides of the bed.

The alcohol flowing through his veins and the presence of his ex-wife next to him in bed provided him with a night devoid of haunted dreams. It wouldn't last forever, but he'd be thankful for the time it lasted.

The sun was dimly filtering through the window when he awoke, primarily blocked by rain clouds that threatened to burst open at any time. His head cried out desperately for aide and his muscles ached as he rolled onto his side. Slowly, he opened his eyes to find Katherine sitting in front of the window, swimming in his shirt from the night before. Her eyes were fixed curiously on an object in her hands.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice deep and thick with the sound of sleep.

She raised her head until her eyes were level with his. A confused and dark expression swirled in her gaze and she held up a piece of jewelry that sparkled in the soft light. "Why do you have an engagement ring?"

His eyes bounced between her and the piece of jewelry, weighing his answers. He couldn't come up with much of one. "The better question is why do you have it?" He pushed down on the mattress until he'd moved into a seated position.

"Why do you have a ring, Damon?"

"You have two brain cells, Katherine. Figure it out." In the end he decided there really wasn't much of an answer to give. The reality of it was obvious. She knew who that ring was meant for the second she found it when she went snooping through his things. There was no need to say it aloud.

"You were going to ask her to marry you." She sounded hollow when she said the words, but he tried not to focus on what the underlying reason was.

"Give the lady a prize." He threw the covers from his body and slid out of bed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to shower." He strode naked to the bathroom, smirking to himself when he felt Katherine's eyes following his every step.

"Is that an invitation?" she called out to him.

"Not like it would stop you if it wasn't."

This remained their routine for over three months, coming together every night and getting lost in what they once were, shutting out the world around them, except for the rare dinner with a few people. He didn't know what she was running from, but it had to be something bad if she was turning to him. While under normal circumstances he'd question her motives, he couldn't find himself caring enough to ask. They weren't doing what they were doing for the conversations. This was simply about being as numb as possible.

At least he'd thought it was.

She was sitting in what had become her chair by the window, staring at the engagement ring like she so often did after sex. He never asked her why and she never offered an explanation. His eyes were trained on her when she looked up from rolling the ring over in her fingers. "Why did you and Elena break up?"

With that one question she'd broken their unspoken agreement to keep all things personal out of their affair, and she'd also broken the cardinal rule of mentioning _her_ name. It was a name banned around him, and nobody dared to say it. Until now.

He didn't know what brought the words out, or why he even allowed himself to speak them, but he soon heard them tumbling from his mouth. "One day she was pregnant, and the next, she wasn't."

Something flickered through her eyes and she dropped the ring as if it had burned her. The reaction was unexpected, not that he'd really thought she'd have much of one, but he certainly hadn't predicted the pained look in her eyes. He certainly couldn't have predicted the tortured laugh that came afterward. "Oh my god."

"What?" he questioned, thoroughly confused by her behavior.

"Nothing," she laughed, "Just admiring the irony or symbolism or whatever in all of it."

"I don't get it."

A tortured smile spread across her lips when the laughter died out. "You wouldn't, I never told you."

The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees in the room as he stared at the woman that had once been his reason for living, but was now little more than a distraction from the other woman that consumed every thought he had on a daily basis. "Didn't tell me what, Katherine?"

She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "I can't have kids, Damon." She dropped the bomb like it was nothing, and maybe it really wasn't where he was concerned, but something told him differently. Something told him that it had everything to do with him. "After we decided that we wanted to try, I went to my doctor, so I could make sure everything was fine. Turns out, the years of starvation I'd put my body through for a chance at modeling, all but destroyed my chance to have kids."

He sat up straighter in the bed. "Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

"Yup," she sighed. "I didn't know how to tell you, so I figured if I made things bad enough, you'd end it without having to know the truth."

"You purposely pushed me to end our marriage because you were told you couldn't have kids?" He asked the question, trying to make sure he'd understood her correctly, because from where he was sitting, it sounded absurd. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Oh, spare me the indignation, Damon!" she snapped. "Let's not forget that you went out and found yourself someone else to propose to in less than a year." She snatched the ring from off the floor and threw it at him. He easily dodged out of the way of it, but she wasn't finished giving him a piece of her mind. "How long did you even wait to move her in, huh? When exactly were you planning on proposing? Tell me that."

"She was pregnant!" he shouted.

"That's a bullshit reason and you know it! We both know you wouldn't have bought that ring if you didn't love her. You obviously weren't sitting at home, pining over me."

"We were divorced, Katherine. So yeah, I found someone else. I'd built my entire future around you, and then it was gone. You were gone. I needed someone that was easy to be with. Elena gave me that for a while, but then she was pregnant, and suddenly the rebound girl was the forever girl, until she wasn't. She lost the baby and she left me in the same position you had, alone and broken."

"Well," she threw her hands in the air, "Guess the joke is on me."

"I think the joke is on both of us," he told her. With a groan he buried his head in his hands. "God, what have we done with our lives?"

"Nothing good, that's for sure." She slowly stood from the chair and came over to join him on the bed. She sat in front of him and gently lifted his head so she could look into his eyes. "This is the end, isn't it?"

Unfortunately, it would be. She'd provided a nice distraction for the past several weeks, but they couldn't continue on like this, not with everything out in the open. "I think it is."

"You know I'm always going to love you, right?"

"You were my wife, Katherine. I'd be a little hurt if you didn't." He didn't feel the need to tell her that he'd always love her too. She knew it, they both did.

"But it's Elena now, I know," she said quietly. And there was the other truth they both knew. No matter what they'd done over these past few weeks, it hadn't truly changed anything. He still loved Elena, even if he wished he didn't.

And those were the last words she said to him before she left his bed and his life for good.

Somehow, his using Katherine as a distraction, had just ended with the real closure he'd never gotten with their marriage. In an effort to forget everything about Elena, he'd fixed the small void that had been left from his divorce. Somehow, it only made the emptiness left by Elena feel that much bigger. There would be no casual fling for them, nor would he ever find closure for their relationship. She had been gone for months and she wasn't coming back.

The silence that was left in Katherine's wake reminded him of this. It twisted the knife that had been embedded in his gut for the past seven months. He'd find a distraction, get a small reprieve from Elena's haunting memory, and then it would all come flooding back. It never stayed gone, no matter how much he drank, but he kept trying. Tonight would be no different. He might not be able to use Katherine as his distraction anymore, but he'd find another. He always did.


	22. C'est la Mort

**Chapter 21**

**Swan dive down eleven stories high  
>Hold your breath until you see the light<br>You can sink to the bottom of the sea  
>Just don't go without me<strong>

"Hey," Stefan lifted his head at the sound of his wife's voice. She was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, a curious expression on her face. Sawyer had fallen asleep moments after Damon got off the phone with Andie, so Damon had handed him over and returned to the living room. "He finally go to sleep?" she asked.

Stefan looked down at his son sleeping peacefully in the center of the bed, contented sighs falling from his lips as he dreamed about whatever babies dreamed of. "Yeah, I just thought I'd stay in here and keep an eye on him."

Caroline gently closed the door behind her and walked over to him. "Damon says we need to leave for the church soon. He said I could stay back with Sawyer if I need to, though."

"I can stay too, if you need me to," he offered.

"No," she shook her head, "I think you probably need to go with Damon. I know he says he's going through with this, but I doubt it's the best idea to leave him alone."

"Alaric will be there."

"Cause he's always such a great influence." She sighed and bit her lip. "God, this day is such a disaster."

"Hey, we'll get through this." He reached out and tugged her to him. "We've gone through worse."

"And we nearly died of exhaustion," she claimed dramatically. While motherhood had mellowed her out a little more, she was still as dramatic as ever. "We can't deal with a baby and an off-the-rails Damon again."

"Hey, look at me." He grabbed her face in his hands and tilted it up toward his. "Everything will be fine. I know you're worried about Elena, but she'll call when she's ready. And Damon, this isn't like last time. No matter what happens, he's not going to spiral again."

"You don't think he's going to go through with it." She looked slightly surprised at her own words as she stared up at him. They'd all been thinking it for months, but they'd never voiced it.

Stefan wished he could say he had no doubt at all about his brother going through with this wedding; it would be far less messy if he did, but he was worried. He trusted that his brother loved Andie, but he'd never truly be able to forget how Damon had reacted when Elena left. It had broken him and the pieces weren't even fully back together again.

"Truthfully, I don't know what he's going to do. He loves her, and they are good together, in their own way, but she's not Elena. I think that's what he likes, though. She makes him feel safe."

"She makes him feel boring."

"Well, I don't exactly remember either of us complaining when they started dating."

"We would have taken Katherine again if it meant we got to sleep for an entire night."

"Okay, let's not talk about this anymore," he suggested. "No matter what we think or say, Damon is going to do what he wants, and we'll just need to be there for him when all is said and done."

"And Elena," Caroline added, which resulted in a roll of Stefan's eyes. "She's my best friend, Stefan."

"Trust me, I know." When she tensed in his arms and began to pull away, he quickly tightened his hold and apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm still struggling with how to deal with her most of the time."

"She hates what she did. You know she does."

"I know," he acknowledged. "But she did it, and that's all there is to it. She's going to be in our lives forever, and I get that, but it will still be a long time before I'm ever truly okay with her."

"You didn't really get to see both sides like I did," she pointed out gently. "You only saw Damon."

"That was all I needed to see."

"Maybe this is what we shouldn't talk about." Even though it had been a long time, they still had disagreements when it came to Damon and Elena. It wasn't as bad as when Elena was in Chicago and they were both too scared to really bring up anything about Damon and Elena's relationship, but it was still iffy. That time had been hard on their marriage, but they'd gotten through it with effort and standing by each other, no matter what. Ultimately, the end of Damon and Elena's relationship had somehow brought something great to theirs. She looked over to her sleeping son and smiled happily. "I say we talk about Sawyer. I never get tired of that topic."

A smile spread across Stefan's face as he looked over to Sawyer as well. "He is pretty fun to talk about."

"We made a good baby."

"The best," he said, but then added, "Well, other than when he won't stop screaming."

"True," she admitted. "But we did get a lot of practice in with Damon. Think how hard the no sleep thing would have been if we hadn't spent a year parenting your brother."

"At least we didn't have to change his diapers."

* * *

><p>Stefan's cell phone sliced through the dark silence at just past two in the morning. Caroline whimpered against his chest as his phone rang again. "Baby, answer the phone."<p>

"I'm getting it," he groaned as he reached out and fumbled around for the offensive object on his nightstand. With a tired yawn, he glanced at the caller ID to see Damon's name flashing back at him. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" he demanded when he answered the call.

"Stefan, hey, it's Mark, the bartender at Green Street."

Stefan immediately sat up in bed, now fully awake. "Where's Damon?"

"The bar closed about a half hour ago, but he's refusing to take a cab, and he can barely walk. I didn't know who else to call."

"Dammit," he cursed under his breath. "Alright, I'll be there soon. Do not let him leave."

"I won't," Mark assured him before hanging up.

Stefan threw the covers from his body and rolled out of bed, reaching for the jeans he'd discarded earlier in the night.

"Where are you going?" Caroline mumbled as she rolled over and watched him pull on his jeans. "It's the middle of the night."

"Damon's down at Green Street, and he's had too much to drink. I have to go get him."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I wish I was." After he finished buttoning up his shirt he'd worn earlier in the day, he leaned down and placed a quick kiss on Caroline's lips. "I'll be back soon. Love you."

"Love you too," she murmured, as he ran a gentle hand through her hair, already slipping back to sleep.

Quietly, he slipped out of the loft, and headed for the elevator. It had been seven months since Elena left and Damon had been spiraling. At first, he'd refused to acknowledge it. Then, he'd moved to finding any distraction he could lay his eyes on. Now, Stefan didn't know what the hell he was moving to. He just knew that it couldn't be good if he was getting a call to come get him from a bar.

Damon never got drunk – not to the point where he couldn't walk. He liked being in control too much to let it all go for a few drinks. The night Elena left him and he'd found Damon passed out in his penthouse from alcohol poisoning had been the first time he'd ever seen his brother truly drunk. It was a sight he never wanted to revisit.

He didn't think anything would ever equal the amount of fear he'd felt grip his heart as when he walked into the destroyed living room of the penthouse and saw his brother unconscious, chest barely moving.

Stefan wanted to make it better for his brother – to make it not hurt so much, but he knew that wasn't possible. Elena was the only one who could even have a hope of fixing this whole mess and she'd run off to Chicago. Brilliant move on her part.

He knew that she was Caroline's best friend, the maid of honor in their wedding, but he couldn't help but be angry with her. He understood that she'd been in pain, and she hadn't known how to handle it anymore, but the way she was choosing to handle the loss was killing his brother, which killed him. He'd watched his mother slowly deteriorate with cancer when he was a small child, and now he was watching his brother deteriorate more with each day.

Those thoughts plagued him all the way to the bar, and by the time he got there, he was angry with the whole situation. "Where is he?" he asked, once Mark let him inside.

"At the bar," Mark motioned behind him. "I've been trying to pour water down his throat."

Stefan felt some of his anger fade as he saw Damon sitting with his head down on the bar. "Thanks for calling me," he quickly told Mark before making his way over to his brother. "Hey, time to go," he said as he moved beside Damon.

Damon opened his eyes to look at Stefan, but he didn't lift his head. "Shouldn't you be at home with Blondie?"

"Yes, I should be," he agreed. "But instead, I'm here, dragging your drunken ass out of a bar. Come on, get up."

"I don't need you to drag me anywhere. I can get myself home," Damon grumbled, but everything about him said the exact opposite. His shirt was halfway unbuttoned, and he looked like he'd fall over if Stefan blew on him.

"Don't care, get up. You're gonna come stay with me and Caroline tonight."

"I don't need a babysitter," he groaned.

Stefan sighed, reaching the end of his patience. He was tired and he wanted to be back in his bed with his wife. "I didn't ask. Now get up. I'm not going to tell you again."

"God, you sound like our dad," he scoffed, but finally made a move to slide off of the stool. He was unsteady on his feet, wobbling back against the bar. "Oh shit."

"Come on," Stefan coaxed, sliding his arm around Damon's back to help him stay up on his feet. "Let's get you out of here."

Damon complained the entire way out of the bar and as Stefan helped him into the cab. He was still insistent on not needing a babysitter, and being perfectly fine to go home alone. When Stefan was one more complaint away from shoving his brother's head into the window, Damon groaned and rolled his head to the side.

Stefan's breath caught in his throat as he saw the unfiltered devastation in his brother's gaze. "This sucks."

He slowly shook his head, unable to find his voice for a moment. Knowing his brother was in pain and really seeing it were two different things. He'd never seen his brother like this before, and he knew that he never wanted to see it again.

"I know it does," he finally told him quietly.

"I miss her," he whispered, his voice pained.

"I know."

"God, I didn't know it could hurt this much. Everything hurts."

Stefan stared at Damon and his heart ached for his brother. His whole life, Damon had been the strong one, completely untouchable. He never needed to be protected or rescued. Damon was the dependable one; the only dependable person in his life until Caroline. He might not have ever shown that side to anyone else, but Stefan saw it.

He got to grow up knowing that he had the best big brother in the world. He knew that no matter what, Damon would never let anyone hurt him. And now, someone had hurt Damon, and not only did it make him feel a sadness that he'd never wanted to feel, but it made him angry. No, it made him furious. He was furious with Elena. She hadn't been able to see beyond her own pain and had, in turn, caused even more pain for Damon. Then, she'd left him completely alone and broken, no second glances.

As he looked at Damon, felt the pain that he was in, saw the utter desolation on his face, he knew that he would never forget this moment. Nobody was ever going to do this to his brother again.

Stefan reached across the small space in the backseat of the taxi and rested a hand on Damon's shoulder. "This is going to get better. I'm going to be here for you."

"It's not going to get better."

"It will," he insisted. "I promise you."

"What do you know? You and Caroline are perfect."

Stefan was silent for a moment as he waited for Damon's groggy eyes to look at him again. Once, the blue eyes were trained on him, halfway closed, he spoke. "I know that you're my brother and that you're the strongest guy I know. You are going to be fine. I promise you."

Damon would test that belief of his for the next six months, dragging him out of bed in the middle of the night, multiple times a week, to go carry him home from a bar. He was no longer bedding women every night, but a part of him wished he would. At least when he was doing his dance with Katherine again, she'd kept him occupied enough to allow Stefan a few moments of peace.

Who would have ever thought he'd be grateful to Katherine for a damn thing?

"How is he?" Caroline questioned, when he was slowly leaving the guest room and quietly shutting the door behind him.

Stefan looked over his shoulder and then back at his wife, who was standing uncomfortably in the dim hallway, tugging at the bottom of his shirt that fell to her mid-thighs. "Not dead." It came out flat and definitive. That was the only thing he could think of to explain his brother most days. He wasn't dead. The end.

His shoulders sagged and his head fell forward as he walked past his wife into their bedroom. She followed quietly behind him, her feet softly padding against the cool, hardwood floor. He removed his shirt and tossed it to the floor, then sat down on the edge of the bed, mentally and physically drained. He hadn't had a full night's sleep in three months. Even if he didn't have to go pick Damon up off the floor of a bar, he still laid awake, sometimes clutching his phone in his hand, petrified of the call that would come and inform him that his brother was dead.

This path could not go on forever. Damon would hit a dead end soon, and that end would be the literal end of his life. If he lost his brother, he didn't know what he would do. Though they fought and disagreed on many things, he could not fathom a world that his brother did not exist in. He didn't even want to try.

Caroline curled into his side, draping her legs over his and wrapping her arms around his bare torso. "He's not going to die," she whispered into the dark silence of the night, resting her head softly against his shoulder.

"He's not going to live if he keeps doing this."

"He'll get better."

He sighed and leaned forward until his hands rested on his stiff knees, forcing Caroline to remove her head from his shoulder. "It's been over a year, Care."

"I know," she told him gently. Ever since the night Elena had shown up at their front door, suitcases in hand, and mascara trailing down her face, she'd walked on eggshells around him when it came to Damon, and she never mentioned Elena. Much in the same way it was a forbidden word with Damon, it was a topic off-limits in their home. Damon was his brother; there was no side to take other than his. Elena was Caroline's best friend, the maid of honor in their wedding; her loyalty ran fierce and deep. They were at odds, fearful for those they loved, but unable to voice the fears to each other. Somehow, the annihilation of Damon and Elena's relationship had seeped into their marriage, and placed a strain on their once easy, carefree love. "I don't know what to say."

"What is there to say?" he questioned, truly at a loss.

"It's okay to be mad. I am."

"I don't think you want to know where my anger is directed right now," he warned her tersely.

She grabbed his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. She leaned in close, her eyes locked with his. "You're my husband, I already know."

"I think your best friend is a crappy person," he bit out. She'd just cut the reins, given him the chance to say whatever he needed or wanted to for one night, and he was going to take it. He had to. "I think she's a crappy person that made a mess of everything and has left us here to clean it up." He brushed her hands from his face and moved to his feet. He couldn't stay still for this conversation. His nerves were fraying and he needed to move. "And a part of me hates that I think that, because she's your best friend and she was the maid of honor in our wedding. She was also supposed to be the mother of my niece or nephew, and she went through a horrible thing. I get that, I do, but I don't know how to make sense of her or what she did to my brother. He's dying in there, and I'm helpless to stop it. So, you're right, I'm mad, and I'm not just mad at her. I'm mad at Damon too. It's selfish and I shouldn't be, but I can't do this for much longer. I can't be the person that fixes things, that's him. I only mess things up when I try to fix them. I need him to get it together and sober up, because if I have to bury my brother, I will never forgive him."

"Hey," Caroline moved from the bed and blocked the path he was wearing in the floor. She pressed her hands to his face and held him tightly in her grasp, willing him to listen to and believe the words she was about to speak. "Your brother is not going to die."

"If he doesn't stop this, he will. Then what happens? What am I supposed to do if my brother is dead? How do I fix that?"

"There won't be anything to fix," she said forcefully. "He's going to be fine if you stay by his side. You won't lose him."

Normally he loved his wife's unflinching ability to always remain positive, but tonight he found it simply wishful thinking. It sounded naïve and too easy. That's not how things worked anymore. "I wish I could trust in that right now, but I can't afford to be that stupid anymore."

"I'm not okay with any of this either, Stefan. I'm mad at her too," Caroline confessed, voicing the words for the first time since Elena had left. "I'm mad that she left Bonnie and me, and it kills me, because I know she's in pain. I hear it in her voice every time I talk to her. I know she's realized she's made a mistake, and she doesn't think she can fix it. I hate it for her, but I also hate her for making the decision in the first place. It was always supposed to be the three of us forever. So, I do know things aren't really that simple right now, but that doesn't mean I can't believe that things will get better."

"Go look at my brother in our guest bedroom and tell me that again."

"I don't have to do that, because I know I'm right. Even if you can't believe that right now, I will, and that will have to be enough." She gently pressed her lips to his and opened her mouth to him. No matter what happened with the people around them, they would remain constant. She meant every word in her vows, and she would be his for the rest of her life. He would be the father of her children and the owner of her heart; that she was sure of. When he'd moved them across the room and lowered her onto their bed, he finally pulled away for air. His face hovered above hers as he pressed his hips against hers. Her fingers danced gracefully over the tan skin of his cheeks, and she could see the pain radiating behind his eyes, the anger and exhaustion that fought to take over, but she paid attention on none of it. She placed her focus on the love that shone instead, and whispered, "I'll believe enough for the both of us."

"Never leave me," he whispered, his quiet voice catching in the back of his throat. "It will be me in that guest room if you leave. I need you."

Her eyes shone with tears at the near desperation in her husband's voice as he pleaded with her to never do something she'd never be capable of anyway. Good, bad, and ugly, she was with him until the very end. It was always him and it always would be. "The only way I'm leaving is if you're coming with me."

His fingers gripped and traced over her bare hips, almost as if he was convincing himself that she was here, with him, in this moment. When he lowered his lips to hers, she knew this was what tonight would be about. It would not be about desire or for sating any need. It would simply be hours spent with her husband, coming together through the night, seeking and finding comfort in only the way they could get and give. Their movements were slow and soft, paying attention to every inch of their bodies.

The world outside of their bedroom no longer existed right now. There was no drama or pain with Damon or Elena. Right now, it was just Caroline and Stefan, hibernating in their own world for as long as they needed. There were tears and declarations of love, followed by promises to be together forever. All insecurities were secure once more and all was right with them.

The morning sun was lightly filtering in through the windows when Caroline pulled Stefan tightly to her, their bodies slick with sweat. She was tired, but not yet ready to let go of him.

Stefan peppered soft kisses along her chest and neck. "That question you asked the other night? I think we're ready." She could feel his smile against her skin as he spoke the words, probably already imagining her reaction.

She went still in his arms, allowing a few moments for the words to truly sink in. Had he really said them? Was this just from the euphoria of their hours of making love? Was it real? "I'm going to need you to say the words."

"Baby," he said the word easily, lifting his head to look her in the eyes. "I think we're ready to start down that road."

"What about Damon? We can't exactly have a baby if he's still crashing in our spare room four nights a week."

She'd brought the subject up last week of them reevaluating when they'd like to start trying for a baby. With everything that had happened with Damon and Elena, instead of it making her wary of taking those steps, it had made her realize they weren't guaranteed anything. And then things had changed since they'd last had the conversation. Stefan had realized it wouldn't take him as long to get his doctorate as he'd originally thought, which had been one of the deciding factors on waiting. She had gotten a promotion, which allowed her to have more realistic hours and not have to run out in the middle of date night to handle a problem with getting a dress to a certain stylist for an event because a celebrity changed her mind at the last minute.

Their lives were changing, and becoming more defined and stable. So, she'd mentioned speeding up their timeline, because truthfully, when Elena had been pregnant, Caroline had realized she really wanted a baby too. She'd wanted to be a mom ever since she was a little girl. She wanted to be a mom and a wife, and for her kids to grow up with Elena's and Bonnie's. Maybe it wouldn't happen that way anymore, but she knew that she truly wanted it now. She wanted a child with Stefan.

"The baby won't come tomorrow," Stefan pointed out quietly. "There are still things we'd figure out before we actually have the baby, but I want to try."

Maybe they weren't approaching bringing a baby into their world in the best way possible. She understood that the need was also probably coming from some fear over what was going on with Damon, but she didn't think it would be a mistake either. They could handle it. They had the means and the time. They loved each other, and discussed raising babies long before they ever got married. They could do this.

She began to nod her head. "Okay." A smile slowly graced her face as she saw the spark in Stefan's eyes. "Let's make a baby."

"Want to practice?"

She giggled and pulled him closer to her. "I don't know. I could maybe be persuaded to go another round." Stefan leaned forward to capture her lips, but just as she opened her mouth against his, there was a crashing noise from the guest bedroom. "Please don't be a wedding present," she groaned and buried her head in Stefan's neck.

Stefan sighed and slowly rubbed her back. "I'll go check on him."

"No," she stopped him when he began to roll out of bed, "I'll go see if he's okay." She climbed out of bed, shivering as the cool air hit her body. "You are going to freeze me to death one day," she griped at Stefan as she grabbed her robe from the floor and wrapped it around her body.

"You know why I like it so cold in here." He smirked and raised his eyebrows, to which she rolled her eyes.

"Well, good luck seeing my nipples through this robe." She stuck her tongue out at him and backed away from the bed. "To think I thought your brother was the one with the dirty mind in the family."

Stefan continued to smirk at her as she left the room. While it might be slightly at her expense, she was happy that he was better than he had been last night. It was why she was going to check on Damon instead of having him do it.

She knocked softly on Damon's door, but got no response. After knocking again and still hearing only silence she opened the door to find him sprawled out on the bed, the contents of the nightstand on the floor and his arm hanging to the floor. His shirt was off and his pants hung low on his hips, revealing just how pale he was, even though it was September and still warm enough to spend hours outside. She didn't think he'd seen the sun in weeks, if not months. He just looked dead. The only indication that he was, in fact, alive was the slow rise and fall of his chest.

At some point in the night he must have kicked the covers off of him because they were tangled at the end of the bed. With how cold Stefan regularly kept their apartment she knew he had to be cold, especially with the alcohol that was most likely beginning to leave his system. So, she walked over to the bed and untangled the sheets enough to pull them over Damon.

"Are you really tucking me in?" She jumped back at the sound of Damon's muffled voice. A smile graced his face as he turned his head and looked up at her. "I feel so special."

"God, you scared me," she groaned, but finished pulling the covers over him and set them down at his shoulders. "I thought you were dead to the world."

"Not yet, but there's always hope." He grimaced and grabbed his head. "God, I have an orchestra pit in my head."

"I hope you don't say things like that around your brother." Caroline sighed and shook her head. She reached over to the table by the bed, pulled out the top drawer, and retrieved a bottle of ibuprofen. "Here," she held the bottle out to him, along with the water that Stefan always left on the table for him, "Take this."

Damon gratefully grabbed the items from her and made quick work of downing four pills to try and alleviate his headache. When he finished and found her still standing next to the bed he questioned, "What's on your mind, Blondie?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Nothing, I just figured I'd give Stefan a break for a bit."

"Oh, you're taking shifts babysitting me now?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Obviously you're in a Damon mood. I'll just go back to bed now."

She was going to try to talk to Damon, hear what he had to say since he wasn't sharing anything with his brother and the only time he talked to Alaric anymore was when Alaric went along with him to the bars to try to keep him out of trouble. After he quit his job, his spiral downward had turned into a full on tailspin straight for rock bottom.

Even though they'd had their issues, she'd grown to care about him and it wasn't fun seeing him in the state he was in. She loved Elena, but it was hard to see the damage she'd done to Damon. And it was even harder to know that she couldn't even truly defend her friend. It was her natural instinct to try and fix everything and defend people, but she didn't know how to fix this, and she couldn't find a defense for Elena's behavior.

"Wait," Damon called out when she was almost to the door. "I'll play nice, I promise." He sat up in the bed and moved over so she could sit down. "Come here."

Skeptically, she walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. "One asshole comment and I'll leave."

"I know I'm not the model houseguest," he admitted quietly. "I keep thinking, one night, Stefan just won't show up to come drag me home, but he keeps coming, and I keep waking up here."

"He'd never forgive himself if anything happened to you."

"But it's not his job to take care of me. I can take care of myself."

"Really?" Caroline countered. "Because that's not what I've seen this past year. You'd be dead if it wasn't for your brother." She shook her head, debating whether this was really a talk she needed to have with Damon. Stefan was oddly particular about what people could say to or about Damon. It was okay for him to say hurtful or unkind things to Damon, but nobody else got to. She still didn't even know if she was fully forgiven for giving Damon the letter from Elena. He hadn't slept in their bed for over a week after he found out. Finally, she settled for just saying what she had to say, days of withheld sex be damned. "Look, I get it more than you think. I might not have dated Elena, but she's my best friend. It kills me that I don't have her here. I know this is hard and that you're in pain, but this isn't how you fix it."

"And what would your advice be?" he questioned stonily.

"To move on?" she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know if there's any right advice or right way to handle things, but I do know this isn't how you do it. Sleeping with every girl in sight and getting so drunk you don't remember the night before isn't going to help anything. The girls aren't going to replace Elena, and the alcohol won't help you forget her. She's gone and we all have to figure out how to deal with that. God," she laughed humorlessly and brought her hand up to cover the tears shining in her eyes, "When did I get this bad at giving advice?"

"Probably about the same time I told Elena she could go fuck herself." A pained expression crossed his face and he looked away from her teary gaze. "Most days I wish I'd never met her. I spent most of my nights regretting ever leaving Katherine, because it turns out our marriage wasn't unsalvageable after all, but then I see a bartender with long, dark hair, or I catch a scent of her perfume and it all comes rushing back. Suddenly, I don't regret any of it and I miss her so much it physically hurts." He stopped to inhale a shaky breath before continuing. "Sometimes I want to go to Chicago so I can see her and touch her again, but then all I can see is walking into our room and seeing her frantically packing her bags, and I hate her all over again."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, unsure of what else she could say.

"I'm exhausted, Caroline." When he finally looked back at her and she saw the tears in his eyes, it was her moment of undoing. The tears fell freely as he admitted, "I'm so exhausted."

"It won't be like this forever." She brushed away the tears on her cheeks. "Things will get better. Stefan and I, we're here for as long as you need us. I know we haven't always gotten along, but you're my family, Damon."

"Thank you," he said, genuine sincerity in his voice. "I know it's not easy."

"Any time." She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek, brushing her hand through his hair when she pulled away. "I guess I'll leave you alone now. Try not to die in my guest bedroom. It would really ruin the appeal of the place."

He laughed quietly. "I'll do my best."

She quickly returned to her bedroom to find Stefan still lying in bed, in the same position he had been when she left. "My brother still alive?" he asked when she closed the door behind her.

"For the moment." She went to the closet and returned with a suitcase and a handful of clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to see Elena," she declared simply. She and Bonnie had been to visit Elena a few times since she'd moved, but they never pushed her. They never brought up how she was really doing. They never brought up Damon. They most certainly never brought up the baby. Everyone walked on eggshells, but she was done with that. "I'll be back in a few days."

In record time, she had her bags packed and was in Chicago. Stefan had been confused and tried to ask her what had happened with Damon that had her running off to Chicago, but she'd been in too much of a hurry to really tell him anything. She could catch him up when she got back. Right now, she had a rogue best friend to deal with.

"Caroline?" was Elena's shocked response when she opened the door to her small loft apartment to find the blonde standing in her hallway, suitcase in hand. "What are you doing here?"

She pushed the door further open and breezed past Elena. "To wake your ass up." She dropped her suitcases to the floor and turned on her heel, firmly placing her hands on her hips. "You want to run away from your pain and try to fix things on your own, that's fine, I won't begrudge you that, but you damn well better do it."

"What?" Elena sputtered, eyes wide and she appeared dazed and utterly confused as to what was going on.

"You want to fix things with yourself? You fix them! I can forgive you for coming here if you actually do something with this time, but if you use these years to completely waste away and feel sorry for yourself, I will never forgive you, Elena Gilbert."

Elena remained frozen for a few moments, silent and staring at Caroline, but then her face crumbled and a strangled cry fell from her lips. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, not caring that she was in front of her wide-open front door. "Oh god."

As her best friend broke down in front of her, collapsing to the floor in tears, she finally saw the magnitude of the pain she was in, the pain she'd worked so hard to conceal and block out. "Elena," she said her friend's name softly as she slowly approached her.

"I'm so sorry," she continued to cry on the floor, her body rocking back and forth. "I thought I needed time alone, but I've only messed everything up. I ruined everything."

"Shh." Caroline dropped to her knees and gathered Elena into her arms. "You made a bad decision. You didn't ruin everything."

"I did. He hates me."

"He's upset. He doesn't hate you."

"He does. He does. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault."

"It's okay, just let it out."

Knowing anything she had to say would be futile, she simply held Elena as she continued to cry. It pained her that Elena was in such turmoil and that she likely would be for a long while. When she'd made the decision to move to Chicago, she'd made the decision to leave her entire support system. While Caroline could make these occasional trips for a few days here and there, but even if she and Bonnie traded off on visiting Elena, they couldn't be around on a consistent basis. She was all alone here, and she'd continue to be for at least another year.

She'd made this horrible decision and now she was forced to live with the consequences.

After what seemed like hours, Elena's sobs quieted to soft whimpers, until she finally grew silent, only sniffling every few minutes. "Does he ask about me?" she asked some time later.

Caroline carefully weighed her words in her mind before speaking. "Damon's not much up for talking these days."

"Is he okay?"

"He spends a lot of time at our place."

"Has he met anyone?"

Caroline wondered how much longer the questions would go on for. She could only evade the truth so much before it really came out. "Not that I've met."

"He won't answer my calls," she whispered. "I've left voicemails apologizing, crying, anything, just asking him to call me, but he never does. I doubt he even listens to them."

A part of Caroline wanted to tell her that she strongly believed he did. She'd found his phone once, a few months ago, thinking it was hers, she went to check the voicemails when she saw that there was one, but when she saw all the saved ones from Elena, she realized her mistake. She'd never told him what she'd seen, and maybe it was best to not tell Elena either. She could occasionally keep a secret or two.

"He needs time to figure everything out for himself. I think it's still too soon."

"I miss him." And with those words, she was crying all over again, and Caroline knew that there was no end in sight for her friend's tears. She'd stay here though, hold her as long as she needed, pick her up off the floor when she was done, and get her cleaned up. Then, she'd figure out where to go from there. Obviously, Elena's plans weren't working out how she'd planned, so Caroline would have to adjust those plans. If Elena had to stay here, Caroline would make sure things wouldn't stay this way for any longer.

Halfway across the country, Stefan was thinking along the same lines. Damon could not remain on this path for much longer before it caught up with him, and Stefan was going to put an end to it before it got to that point. It might end with Damon giving him a black eye, but if it got him out of whatever state he was in, he'd gladly take the punch.

When he was about to give up and go get Damon, who hadn't left bed all day, his brother finally appeared in the living room. His hair was a mess and his shirt wasn't even all the way buttoned, but he appeared coherent, a feat for most days.

"Damon," he began, before his brother had taken a full sweep of the room with his eyes, but when his name was spoken, he looked up and froze.

"What the hell is this?" he demanded.

"This can't go on anymore, Damon. You have to get it together."

Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I know I'm not popular at the moment, but I expected more of a crowd when someone finally staged my intervention."

"This isn't an intervention," Giuseppe spoke up from behind the couch, a glass of bourbon in his hands. Stefan had called him shortly after Caroline ran off to Chicago, and asked his father to come over. While he and Damon still weren't talking, and Damon still wasn't working, he knew his father was the key to all of this.

"Then what is this? Cause it sure looks like an intervention to me."

"I'm worried about you," Stefan spoke up.

"So you called, dad?" Damon demanded.

"I have to do something."

Damon threw up his arms in exasperation and began walking to the door. "Screw this, I'm going home."

Stefan rushed after him, determined to not let him walk out the door. "No," he pushed his body in front of Damon and blocked him from leaving. "You can't do this anymore. You're killing yourself."

"You want to talk to me? Then you talk to me. You don't call in our asshole father." He shoved a finger in Stefan's chest. "Dick move."

"Well, I needed to do something!" Stefan yelled in Damon's face. He'd spent months telling himself that if he just waited a little longer, Damon would get better. He would begin to move on from Elena, go back to work, and figure things out. He wasn't getting better though, and he couldn't sit back and watch it anymore.

"What you need to do is get out of my face! I'm fine, Stefan. I don't need a babysitter. I don't need you trying to take care of me. Just leave me alone."

"You'd be dead right now if I wasn't here to clean up your messes! I can't do it anymore. I have a life, Damon. I'm married. Don't you see it? This isn't just about you. The choices you make affect all of us."

"Then stop hovering over me like some helicopter mom."

"God," Stefan exploded, "You don't listen! Everything isn't about you. I get it! It sucks that Elena's gone. I'm not happy with her either, but you can't keep doing this."

"Get out of my face!" Damon yelled. "I'm not afraid to hit you to get you out of my way."

"Do it!" he challenged. "Hit me!"

As Damon reared his arm back to punch Stefan, Giuseppe shouted, "Enough!" Damon froze, arm hanging in the air, but didn't turn to look at their father. "Damon, you are not going to hit your brother. Stefan, you're not going to tell Damon to hit you. Both of you shut up and get over here."

Damon didn't follow through on his punch, but as Stefan walked past him, he roughly shoved him. "Asshole."

"Damon," their father began when they were both standing in front of him, "Your brother is right. Things need to change. You're thirty years old; you don't get to spend your night blacking out in bars anymore. Stefan, your brother is an adult, if he wants to ruin his life, that's on him. Enabling him isn't going to do anything."

His brother grumbled next to him and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly aggravated with his current situation. He couldn't say that he blamed him. He'd known this wouldn't go smoothly, but he hadn't been expecting a lecture from his father as well. It felt like he was a teenager all over again and they were getting in trouble for Damon doing something and Stefan inevitably getting dragged into it because he didn't want to be left out.

"Just get to the point," Damon snapped. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say, so you might as well make it quick, before I leave."

"You have two weeks to get yourself together, and then I expect you back at the office. You'll take over your old clients again. If you can't get it together and come back to work, I will cut off your trust fund and freeze your bank accounts."

Stefan felt Damon tense next to him. "You can't do that, I'm an adult."

"I own a Forbes 500 company, I can do whatever I want. If you don't believe me, don't come to work."

"What makes you think this will help anything? I can still go out and do my job."

"That's not how this is going to be. You either completely get your act together, or you're cut off." Their father narrowed his eyes. "How long do you think you'll last in the real world without your money at your disposal?"

"So, I'll get a job somewhere else. You said it yourself, I have the experience to be hired by just about anyone."

"If you think everyone doesn't know about how you've spent this past year, you've killed a lot more brain cells with that alcohol than you thought."

"What happened to me being an adult and it being my business if I want to ruin my life?"

"It is your business," Giuseppe said easily. "But that doesn't mean I will make it easy for you."

Stefan could see the fight spill from Damon as the reality of the situation began to sink in. "Why are you doing this?"

Giuseppe stood silently for several moments, a pensive look on his face. When he spoke, his voice was soft and strained. "A parent should never have to bury their child. We've already lost your mother. Do not make me bury you next to her." He cleared his throat when he was finished, and almost instantly, Stefan could see the father he'd known for the majority of his life return. His face went blank and his posture straightened. "I'll be expecting you at work in two weeks."

The brothers stood in stunned silence as they watched Giuseppe leave without another word. Their father rarely spoke about their mother, if ever. Her death had changed the dynamic of their family forever. His father had been cold and distant, leaving Damon as the only person Stefan truly had to turn to for most things growing up. He'd been sincere today though, when he softly pled with Damon to not damage their family any further. While their relationship had always been strained on a good day, Stefan knew that their father loved him. His methods weren't good most of the time, but there was a love and desire to protect his son underneath the cold exterior. Today had proved that. It would be up to Damon if he wanted to listen.


	23. I Never Told You

Author's Note: Wow! Is this an update? Two days later? Holy crap! I have to say, this chapter kind of just poured out of me. I've been waiting a long time to write this, and everything with Elena kind of just came naturally. It's been a bit since she's had a chapter with her own POV, but she definitely delivers in this. For those of you that want a glimpse of her in the present and in her time away, this is it. I really don't have much to say about this, other than I'm tired, cause I've been writing this almost nonstop. I hope it's good and doesn't feel weird. I kind of just bled it all out into this. As always, I'm so touched by the reviews I receive from this story, and just the fact that I've gotten to know several of you because of writing this. You guys are truly amazing and I could not put a story together like this if not for you all. So, I hope you all enjoy this. There might be a few mistakes because I just wrote and wrote and wrote. I tried to go back and catch the errors I could, but I'm sure I'll find a few when I read through it again tomorrow. So, just ignore those for a bit and enjoy! Thank you!

**Chapter 22**

**But I never told you  
>What I should have said<br>No I never told you  
>I just held it in<br>And now I miss everything about you**

"Oh my god!" Sarah exclaimed, looking down at her phone in her hand. "We have to get to our gate!"

Beverly looked down at Sarah's phone and her eyes widened in horror. "Oh crap!" She glanced back up at Elena, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm so sorry," she apologized, "But our flight is leaving soon." She glanced awkwardly around the bathroom. "Will you be okay?"

Elena immediately nodded her head. "Yes, I'll be fine." Seeing as she'd completely fallen apart in front of these girls not too long ago, they were being far nicer than needed. If she were in their shoes, she probably would have ditched the crazy crying girl ages ago. "Besides, I think I need to get to my gate, as well." The last thing she needed was to miss her flight to Nashville and be stuck in New York for even longer. She had to get out.

That felt familiar.

"Are you sure?" Beverly asked.

"Yes," she assured her. "I'm done crying." For now, she added in her head. She was sure the tears would come again. Damon was getting married and that wasn't changing. She'd probably be crying for days. "You two go."

"Okay," Beverly began hesitantly, but then an idea seemed to form in her head and she was pulling Sarah's phone from her. "What's your number? Sarah will text you and we can try and meet up when we get back to New York. You are coming back, right?"

"I'm coming back." She didn't know when, but she'd be back. She had made a promise to Caroline when she returned last year and she wasn't going to break it, despite what the impromptu trip to Nashville surely looked like.

"Good, so just put your number in here and we'll keep in touch." Elena accepted the phone from Beverly and quickly entered her number in Sarah's Contacts list. "Perfect," Beverly sighed when she took the phone back. "See you around."

The two women that had just cleaned her up in an airport bathroom gave her quick hugs and fled the bathroom, leaving her alone once again. It seemed to be a theme with her life right now. No matter how much it seemed like she was getting things back on track, she always found herself alone. Caroline had Stefan and Sawyer. Bonnie had a serious boyfriend who was more perfect for her than she thought possible. Jenna and Logan were going to have a baby. Jeremy lived with his girlfriend in Savannah. And Damon, well he was getting married. She was alone in a sea of couples, a product of her own making.

There was an old phrase that often haunted her now: "Be careful what you wish for". She had wished to be alone when she fled New York and she got it in spades.

With a sigh, she dug her phone out from her purse and turned it on. When she saw the time flashing back at her, she realized she really hadn't been lying when she said she needed to get to her gate. The plane would start boarding soon. At that moment, the missed calls, voicemails, and texts began popping up on her phone, as she had predicted would happen when she turned it off. They were all from Caroline, who had probably been too busy freaking out to fill Bonnie in on what was going on.

She didn't look at or listen to anything that Caroline had sent her, but she did call her back. While she'd told herself she would sneak out of the city before she talked to them, she knew she owed her friend this. The answer was almost immediate, Caroline gasping into the phone, "Elena?"

"Hey, Caroline."

"Oh, thank god," her best friend sighed. "Do you know how many times I've called you?"

"I know, I'm sorry," she apologized sincerely. "I don't have long to talk, but I thought I should tell you that I'm leaving town."

"You're what?" Caroline shouted into the phone. "Elena!"

"Not forever," she quickly clarified. "I'm just leaving town for a little bit. I have some things I need to do."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going to tell you. This is something I need to do alone, but I'll be back soon, I promise."

"Please tell me you're not doing something stupid?"

"I'm just doing something I needed to do a long time ago. I'll leave it at that."

"You're freaking me out, here. I know you're upset about Damon, but just stay. I'll call Bonnie and she'll come over, and then I'll come in a little bit. We're here for you, just let us."

"I will let you, but I need to do this first. Just let me handle a few things and then we'll talk when I get back."

"Elena," Caroline began, but she quickly cut her off.

"Go to Damon's wedding, Caroline. He's the one that needs you today." She squeezed her eyes shut at the feeling of tears that were coming once again. "Tell him I'm sorry and that I hope I didn't ruin his day. Then, give Sawyer a kiss for me and tell him I'll see him soon. Will you do that for me?"

She could hear Caroline crying softly on the other end. "Yeah, I'll do that."

"Okay, I love you, and I'll see you soon."

"I love you too. Be careful."

"Bye Caroline."

* * *

><p>Elena pulled her coat tighter around her body as she walked down the street in Evanston. She'd been living in a small studio apartment just outside of Chicago for over a year now and she still hadn't gotten used to it. She'd grown so accustomed to the constant noise of New York City that it was hard to adjust to the quieter nature of her new home. Granted, it wasn't even much of a home. She had the bare essentials in her apartment that was barely big enough for her to breathe in. She was simply existing most days, going through her classes, eating only when she remembered, and living without any of the people she truly needed.<p>

She was living in a lonely world that she'd created for herself.

Not long after she moved out to Illinois, she realized what an utter mistake she'd made by leaving New York. Everyone had been right when they told her she'd be miserable, but it had been too late to turn back. Graduate school drained her bank account faster than she could blink, and with an apartment lease that was for one year, she couldn't afford to buy out her lease. That, combined with the fact that it was incredibly difficult to transfer graduate schools, made her understand that she was stuck, more or less. By the time her lease would be up, she'd have too many credits in school to transfer them all, and she couldn't afford to throw that much money away. After she'd come to that realization, she shut down. It was beyond how she had been in New York. Most days she never spoke. The bartending job she'd found hung on by a thread for months. And it took every ounce of energy she had in her to manage a B in her classes. She never let anyone know, though. Whenever she talked to her friends or family she'd swear that she was doing good and making progress, even though she knew they saw it for the lie it was.

Then, Caroline showed up at her front door, her hip jutted out in determination, and eyes ablaze. She'd promptly informed her that if she was going to stay here, she had to use her time to accomplish something. For some reason, that was the moment she truly broke. She'd spent so long holding everything in, and when faced with how much of her life she was throwing away, she couldn't hold it in any longer. She didn't know how long she'd cried, but Caroline had held her through it all, and when she was done, she pulled Elena off the floor, and put her in the shower. When she'd exited the bathroom thirty minutes later, Caroline had a list of therapists for Elena and told her that she was to find one before she left or Caroline would find one for her.

That had been two months ago, and she'd been going to therapy twice a week ever since. The progress was slow, but it was progress. She still couldn't bring herself to really talk about the miscarriage beyond saying that it happened, but she opened up the rest of herself. Her therapist, Christine Taylor, was a kind woman who wasn't afraid to push her. She didn't let her deflect the hard questions, and she wasn't afraid to force her to face her flaws and mistakes. They had only discussed Damon once, in a session that ended with her spending the final twenty minutes in incoherent tears, and she'd done everything to keep that subject on the backburner for now.

She was starting to make a few friends, as well. It was nobody that she really shared anything with, but she occasionally went out for a drink or to a party. That was mostly because of her neighbor, who also happened to be in grad school, had taken a particular interest in her and invited her to everything. It took her a year to start agreeing, but she was starting to _try_ and live, as futile as it felt most days.

"Hey!" Elena stopped just inside the door of her building. Laura, her neighbor, was just bounding down the steps, a winter coat falling almost to her knees, revealing her long legs in a pair of black tights. "I knocked on your door a little bit ago to see if you wanted to go out. Justin is having a little house party tonight. In fact, he specifically asked me if you'd be coming."

Justin was in her creative writing program at Northwestern and she'd known of him since she started school, but it wasn't until this semester had started that she actually met him. He also happened to be friends with Laura, which had somehow resulted in him being the person she saw the most on a daily basis. He easily cleared six feet and his amazingly clear green eyes seemed to capture the attention of every female he came into contact with. She understood the attraction so many girls had to him, he was extraordinarily handsome. Combine that with his flawless ability to write some of the most poignant words she'd ever read, and yeah, he was the big man on campus.

"I really don't feel like going out tonight," she told Laura once she realized she'd been waiting for some sort of answer from her. "I should stay in and get some work done."

"Oh, please, you can do that tomorrow. Soon, it's going to be too cold to even want to walk outside to go anywhere. Just come out for a few hours, have a couple drinks, dance a little, let loose."

"I don't know," she stated hesitantly.

"Oh get over it, you're coming out." Laura snagged her hand and began dragging her up the stairs to her apartment. "I'll give you thirty minutes to get ready and throw some food on your stomach." They quickly made it to her apartment on the third floor and Laura pushed her toward her door. "See you in a bit!"

Before she could protest again, Laura quickly disappeared into her apartment across the hall, leaving her with the unfortunate task of getting ready. She probably wouldn't even need thirty minutes. Effort wasn't exactly something she put into her attempts at getting ready anymore. It was a good day when she put on foundation and ran a brush through her hair. Maybe tonight she'd actually attempt to put some effort into it. That was what she and her therapist had discussed today. Christine had told her she couldn't expect anything to really change if she didn't try a little more. She'd had a point. While she was making progress, she still had a lot of work to do. After Caroline's trip out here to visit her, she knew she owed it to those that loved her to work on her life again. She was beginning to truly understand how much her actions had affected those around her. Her actions weren't just about her, and she needed to think about that more often.

So, she made an attempt at putting on makeup she had barely worn in a year, making herself appear as if she did have some life in her after all. It was subtle, nothing dark or dramatic, but it was enough. Her hair, which was windblown from her time outside today, couldn't really be tamed in the time she had left, so she made do with putting it up into a slightly messy ponytail. Those were still in, right? Now it was time for the task of finding something to wear. That was the hard part. Her closet was mostly filled with sweatpants, baggy jeans, and plain t-shirts. The clothes she'd typically used for occasions like this were in boxes on the top shelves of her closet. This whole effort thing was going to require a little more effort than she'd anticipated.

It took a few minutes, but she soon had two boxes on the floor in front of her bed. She hadn't looked in these since she moved in, and she was a little scared as to what she might find. The first one was harmless enough, filled mostly with old dresses and a few pairs of shoes. There was even a picture of her, Caroline, and Bonnie buried at the bottom. She set it out so she could put it somewhere in her apartment.

There was a dress in the first box that she believed would be the one she'd wear. It was just a simple black dress with long sleeves, that would keep her warm, but not make her look like too much of a librarian. However, she was curious now as to what was in the other box. From the looks of it, it appeared to be a box Caroline had shipped to her when she moved. With clumsy fingers, she pulled the box open, unprepared for what she'd find inside.

She was not prepared to see his face staring back up at her with a smile so wide it had to hurt his cheeks, but what she really wasn't prepared for was the girl next to him. It was Katherine. As she looked at more of the photo she realized this wasn't just a regular photo. This was their wedding. What was it doing in her box? She frantically began to dig through the box to find her things, but all she came up with was the realization that this box hadn't been meant for her. This was a box of Damon's life with Katherine.

How had she wound up with one of his boxes? And why did it have to be from when he was with Katherine? Most of all, why was she looking at it? The pictures were in her hands and she just couldn't look away from them. Staring at a smiling Katherine was like staring at an urban legend. That's what Katherine pretty much was to her. She knew the woman existed, had even seen her once from a distance, but she'd never actually met her. She was a woman that lived in myths and untold stories. It was like she couldn't possibly be real, but looking at this now, she was real. She had been real, and so had her marriage. Staring at the pictures pulled at things inside of her that were best left alone, but she couldn't stop taking in everything in the box.

It was easy to see he hadn't aged that much since he married Katherine. He looked as charming and captivating, as he had been the day she met him. Well, he wasn't filled with much charm on that night, but he had been captivating. The charming part of his personality came later.

There was something so very odd about getting a glimpse into Damon's past and what life had been like before they met. She found herself missing his smile and wishing she could hear his laugh when she'd see a picture of him laughing at something he'd found remarkably funny. Katherine was never far from his side when these pictures were taken, though. They looked happy. Both of them.

Then there was a picture that was just different. It didn't fit the others. It was darker, neither of them wore bright smiles. They wore no smiles at all. Katherine was leaned back in a chair, Damon resting his upper body on her chest, while his legs dropped to the floor. She had one arm around his shoulders, holding him closely to her. They looked comfortable in the intimate position, but Damon looked physically and mentally exhausted and Katherine seemed almost desperate. Then she saw it – the rug. She knew that rug. She'd gone with Damon to buy that rug. Which meant he and Katherine had already divorced by the time he had it.

"Oh my god," she gasped, and dropped the photo like it had burned her. "No, no," she pleaded, to who she didn't know. "Please don't be true." She crawled to the box and desperately began flipping it around until she found the packaging sticker. Caroline and Bonnie hadn't sent all of her boxes at once. They sent one or two every so often so it wouldn't be overwhelming. Somehow, one of Damon's boxes must have gotten mixed in with hers and they'd sent it to her, but it didn't mean anything just yet. If this was one of the first boxes that they sent her, then it couldn't be true. There was just some weird coincidence about them being in a chair that Damon owned, and sitting next to a rug that he also owned. Surely someone else they knew had those things. Didn't everyone use the same interior designers in those kinds of social groups? It was just some weird coincidence. She found the package sticker and frantically read the dates on the tag. They were from four months ago. "Oh god."

It wasn't a mistake or a coincidence. Damon was back together with Katherine. He was with Katherine. He'd gone back to her. After everything that they'd had together, he went back to Katherine.

She ran to her bed and snatched her phone from her purse and quickly dialed Caroline. "Hello?" she asked when she answered.

"Why didn't you tell me that Katherine and Damon got back together?" she demanded.

"What?" Caroline sputtered for a few moments. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Because I'm looking at a picture of them from after I was gone. That means he's back together with her."

"How do you even have that picture?"

"You didn't check the boxes very carefully and sent one of his to me. That photo just so happened to be in it. So, again, I ask, why didn't you tell me they were back together?"

"Because they're not!" Caroline exclaimed. "He's single, Elena. There's no Katherine."

"Then why do I have this picture?"

"I don't know," Caroline groaned. "A few months after he quit his job he pretty much became a permanent fixture in our house. There was no dating going on, I can assure you of that." Elena's blood pressure began to decrease as she allowed Caroline's words to sink in. It was just a weird misunderstanding. She had gotten all worked up over nothing. "Oooh! Ooooh, no. Crap."

"Caroline?" she shouted, trying to get her friend's attention. "Caroline! What is it? What happened?"

Her friend sighed on the other end of the line, and she knew this wasn't good. "Okay, so, I am right about him not dating anyone while he was with us."

"And?" Elena implored.

"_And_ he may have been with Katherine for a few months after he left his job."

"So, he did. He got back together with her?"

It was true, but what did it really mean? He'd sworn that he was over Katherine and had completely moved on. If he was so over her, why would he go back to her?

"Elena," Caroline began gently, "You were gone. I don't know what happened with them, but you were gone."

"I know," she choked out. "I just didn't expect it." She struggled to breathe in, as it felt like her chest was closing up, and it hurt to draw air into her lungs. "I'm going to let you go."

"I know you're upset, but you don't have to hang up. We can talk about it."

"No, it's fine," she insisted weakly. "I need to get ready for something anyway. Bye." She quickly disconnected the call and dropped her phone to the floor. Caroline was completely right. She'd left Damon; it was well within his right to be with whomever he wanted to be with, even if that person happened to be Katherine. She had no right to be upset with how he'd chosen to live his life with her gone, but it still hurt. Somehow, she'd convinced herself that he wasn't with anyone. She knew it couldn't be true, he would move on at some point, but those were places she didn't allow her mind to go.

"Alright, sexy lady, you ready to have some fun?" Laura came bouncing into her apartment, an excited smile on her face. When she caught sight of Elena sitting on the floor, still dressed in her jeans and t-shirt, the smile fell from her face. "What's this? Why aren't you ready?"

She quickly sat up straighter and shoved the photos back in the box in front of her. "Sorry, I had to pull down some boxes from when I moved to try and find a dress to wear. I just got a little sidetracked."

"Hey, are you okay?" she questioned, probably noticing the stricken look that must be on her face. She must look like someone had run over her dog.

"I'm fine." She lifted her head and attempted the brightest smile she could, but it was tight and undeniably false. "Just give me a minute to throw this on. I'm ready other than that." She rushed off into her bathroom and quickly put the dress on. She leaned against her counter, gripping it tightly in her hands as she forced herself to breathe and pull herself together. "You can do this." It was a quiet chant she found herself saying on a daily basis, trying to convince herself that she could get through the day. Some days she did. Others, not so much. She lifted her head to check her reflection in the mirror and her skin was undeniably pale, while her eyes were exploding with the pain she couldn't release. "You can do this." With a final deep breath, she pushed herself from the sink and exited the bathroom. "Ready."

Laura smiled at her, but it didn't appear as carefree as it had been only minutes before. "You don't have to come if you don't want to. You really can stay in."

"No, I'm going." She couldn't stay in and think about Damon with Katherine all night. If she didn't find a way to distract herself, she'd spend all night staring at pictures of him and Katherine, and then pictures of him and her. Then she'd start to think about the baby. That would be where she'd lose her grip on what little control she had left, and could not do that tonight. While she had wanted to do anything but only an hour ago, she now wanted to do nothing else than spend the evening with alcohol and memories that would fade as the night went on. "Come on."

Laura let her apprehension go and followed after Elena as they left her apartment. The walk to Justin's apartment was a short one. She lived in an area of town that housed a lot of graduate students, and sometimes it felt like they all hung out with each other. His apartment was bigger than hers, because he'd waited until he was 25 to go to grad school and had more money saved up for a nicer place. Even though it was barely past ten, it was quickly filling up with people and she knew that the evening would get interesting in a little bit. She had quickly learned that graduate students worked hard during the week and partied just as hard on the weekends.

"You made it!" Justin threw his arms around her when he spotted her over by the makeshift bar, which was really just his kitchen counter. He pulled her into an excited hug, slightly lifting her off her feet in the process.

She laughed when he set her back down and pulled away. "I think someone started the party a little early."

"I turned in a sixty page paper this morning. I started drinking at lunch." He smiled and ran his eyes over her body. She tried not to fidget as he did so. She knew that he liked her, it wasn't exactly hard to figure out. He'd even asked her on a date once, but she'd declined, saying that she didn't have time to date.

She hadn't been out with a single guy since she'd come here. For the first time since she was a teenager, she was truly single. She'd always seemed to have a boyfriend in her life. There was Tyler in high school, who she'd dated for almost two years. In college, there was Matt. Then, she'd jumped straight from him to Damon. It felt odd sometimes to not have a guy in her life, but she knew she didn't want anyone but Damon, so she never brought herself to try to want anyone else.

"God," she groaned and rolled her eyes, "I really hope I don't get Perry next semester. I think his papers would kill me."

"They're not fun, that's for sure." He was silent for a few moments as he prepared himself a new drink, but once he was finished, he looked back up at her and said, "Laura said you probably wouldn't be coming tonight."

"I wasn't planning on it, but I needed to get out of my apartment. It's time for me to have a little fun."

"Well," another smile broke out across his face and he reached out to grab her hand in his, "You have come to the right place, my dear."

The night seemed to blur together after Justin dragged her into the crowd of people in his apartment. In her effort to block Damon from her thoughts, she consumed far more alcohol than needed, and soon found herself dancing with Justin. Her body did not fit against his like it did against Damon's, but it would do for now. When his hands drifted below her waist, she didn't move them, simply kept moving to the beat of the music. When he pulled her closer, she went willingly, silencing all protests that may have wanted to fall from her lips. And when he kissed her, she let him.

It was the first kiss she'd had since Damon and in so many ways it felt wrong, but somehow, it also felt right. Because when his mouth moved against hers, Damon faded into only her memories. The pain subsided into a dull ache that could be ignored. And the rationality that still lived somewhere inside of her, faded into nothingness. There would be no Caroline or Bonnie to save her from herself tonight.

The next thing she knew, she was pulling her dress over her head and climbing onto his bed. The look of lust in his eyes was unmistakable as she crawled toward him in nothing but her bra and panties. When she leaned in for another kiss, he placed his hands on her arms to stop her. "Just go with it," she told him at the look of question in his eyes. It was all the encouragement he needed to remove his own shirt and pull her mouth back to his.

The experience was new and unfamiliar. His mouth didn't find that particularly sensitive spot under her ear, and his hands didn't graze her skin in a way that left her shivering beneath him. He didn't nearly come undone when she rolled her hips just the way she'd learned would drive Damon crazy. There was no small scar on his shoulder that she could trace with her tongue, but it was okay. She was in a different world where none of it mattered – where Damon didn't truly exist.

They came together quickly, with her clinging to him as he moved inside of her. When his gaze became too much, she pulled his mouth down to hers and forced her eyes closed. She allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of his body against hers and revel in the blank state of her mind.

It was over all too soon, and he laid next to her in silence. Suddenly, she felt cold and far too exposed, even beneath the sheet that covered her body. The realization of what she had just done began to sink and she, once again, felt lost and alone. Damon was no longer the last man she'd kissed. His hands were no longer the last pair that had roamed deftly over her skin. He was no longer the last man that had been inside of her. Before she could stop herself, she flung the covers from her body and ran to the bathroom. She fell to the floor in front of the toilet and threw up.

When she was finished, she washed her mouth out and retrieved a towel to wrap around her body. She couldn't face Justin again just yet, so she sat down on the floor of his bathroom with her legs pulled tightly to her chest.

It hadn't worked. Damon was still there, in every thought she had, and now she just felt like trash. When had she become the girl that slept with someone to block things out? Her method had been effective for a little bit, but now that all was said and done, he was still all that existed in her mind.

Justin appeared in the doorway sometime later, dressed in a pair of sweatpants, a confused and curious look on his face. She'd pulled yet another person into her web of despair.

"There's another guy, isn't there?" She looked up to see him standing in the doorway, clad in a pair of sweatpants. When she silently nodded her head he sighed and rolled his eyes. "I knew it."

"I'm sorry," she apologized quietly.

"It's not your fault," he assured her, but his next words would not be comforting or gentle. "I should have known that a girl as hot as you had to be pretty screwed up in the head to still be single."

She choked back her tears as she frantically began to shake her head. "You're not wrong on that point."

"Maybe you should get dressed."

Elena silently returned to the bedroom and put her clothes back on. Justin politely kept his back turned while she dressed and it was only when she apologized that he turned back around. "I really am sorry, Justin."

"I get it," he shrugged. "You have issues."

"For what it's worth, if I hadn't completely decimated my entire life, we could have had a chance."

"See you around, Elena."

She quickly exited his room and found Laura to tell her she was leaving. After insisting that she would be fine to go home on her own and that she needed to stay and have fun, Laura hugged her and told her they'd talk tomorrow. After that she began her cold walk back to her lonely apartment, where there would be no one to talk to or comfort her. She was on her own, just like she'd sworn that she wanted. It had sounded appealing and seemed like her only option a year and a half ago, now, she realized, it was her own personal hell. She'd thought the months after the miscarriage had been hell, but she'd still had Damon, even if she was pushing him away with both hands. Now, she had nothing and no one.

She showered when she returned home, scrubbing furiously at her body until her legs gave out beneath her and she tumbled to the floor of the shower. Long after the warm water ran out, she remained beneath harsh cold that rained down upon her, curled into a ball and crying. Her skin was raw and sore, but it didn't register in her mind. All she could think about was how dirty she felt. When her body could take the cold no longer, she turned off the water and crawled to her bed, where she buried herself beneath the covers and forced herself to sleep.

More than twelve hours passed before she emerged from the cocoon of her bed, still exhausted and feeling more horrible than the night before. Her head was pounding and her body ached, but something also felt different. There was a desire in her to change something, so she did.

Her night with Justin seemed to be the catalyst she needed to truly take action to get better. Therapy wouldn't help if she didn't put in any effort. She didn't retreat into a depression like she had before, but she did stop going out. There were no more nights out, simply the occasional dinner with Laura, who was something like a Midwestern version of Caroline. She rarely took no for an answer, and was probably the only reason she didn't turn into a complete recluse. All of her energy was thrown into school from then on out. She put every thought and emotion that ran through her body down on paper. She began keeping a journal for the first time since her parents died. Her entire soul was laid bare on the sheets of paper in front of her, if she couldn't say the things she needed to the person she wanted to, her journal would have to do.

It was cathartic and exhausting all at the same time. For the first time in years, she was facing the actions that had brought her to this point in her life. She accepted the accountability she'd had in all of the decisions she'd made. For ages, she'd allowed herself to be purely driven by the circumstances around her, failing to find rationality and logic in the things she did. Her relationship with Matt should have ended long before it did, and she should have had the courage to let him go like he'd deserved. Her relationship with Damon shouldn't have ended at all. While they'd come together in circumstances that weren't the best, with the cheating and the attempt to only have casual sex, they'd grown into so much more. He'd given her everything she had, and she'd been too scared to accept it.

She could admit now that she'd been scared of what he felt for her. After the miscarriage, a big part of her had wondered if he really did want to be with her or if he'd only progressed their relationship because she'd gotten pregnant. She understood now that it hadn't been the case, he had truly loved her, but her brain had failed to see logic at that point. All she'd been able to see was the pain that consumed her. Some days the pain was still crippling, and she wanted nothing more than to hear his voice again or have his arms around her, but she knew that wasn't possible right now. There was a lot of work that had to be done with her, and that was what she needed to focus on, for once in her life. If she'd done that to begin with, she would have saved a lot of people a lot of heartache.

The next six months seemed to pass in a whirlwind, and before she knew it, she was days away from having her graduate degree. While it would never be worth all the pain that she'd endured and caused, it felt good to have something to show for her time here.

"Elena? Elena!"

Elena snapped her attention back to the man sitting across from her, a large oak desk dividing them. His gaze was locked on her form as he waited for her to acknowledge him. It was a common occurrence for her nowadays. She seemed to walk around in a daze most of the time, lost in the thoughts in her own head until she could sit down with a pen and paper and release them somehow. "Oh, sorry," she quickly apologized. "What were you saying?"

"I was saying that you're not a bad writer. You're a wonderful, talented writer, and one day, I believe you can do great things with what you write."

"So why have you called me in here?" she asked her professor, Dr. Kimbrell. He was, hands down, the hardest professor she'd ever had in her entire undergraduate and graduate educations, but he was also the most fulfilling. Her papers were often returned looking as if he'd cut his arm open and simply bled onto the pages, but they contained the best advice she felt she could ever get. His word was something she valued.

"Because today is just not that day. Your final paper is good, I'm not saying otherwise, but something is missing." He handed her back the heavy paper that she'd almost thought would be the death of her. "In theory, your characters are great, but they're simply not fleshed out enough. The story was supposed to be about finding and developing the voices of your characters, but they're just not there It's almost as if you don't know them at all."

"I created them." She said defensively. "They're my characters. Of course I know them."

Dr. Kimbrell looked at her with a touch of pity and mild annoyance. "Do you? Because halfway through this, the main character realizes that she's made a mistake and that she's miserable, but she never does anything about it. How is the audience supposed to root for a character that doesn't root for herself?"

"She's following through on her commitments. Isn't that mature and admirable?"

"But what does it get her? That's the point I'm trying to make, Elena. It might be admirable for her to try and stick it out, but what does it get the character? There's no growth or realizations past her figuring out that she's miserable because she ran away from her problems. She never tries to fix them."

"It's about a girl who realizes that she made a wrong choice, but she's facing the consequences. She realizes that she has to accept it and try to rebuild her life."

"Maybe," he admitted reluctantly, but she knew she had not changed his mind. "That's just not what the story is saying, though."

"So what are you getting at? Are you not going to pass me?" Elena sat straighter in her chair and gathered her belongings on her lap, ready to flee the office.

"I'm going to pass you, there's no need to worry about that, but I like you. I've seen you grow as a writer since you came here, but you still have a lot you need to figure out. Maybe the problem isn't that you don't know your characters, but that you don't truly know yourself."

She tried to take his advice in stride, but the truth was, his words were hitting her harder than she had expected them to. She knew that he was right. She was still so lost about who she truly was, and she understood it had to affect her writing. It didn't change the fact that it still hurt. He'd basically just told her that she was a pathetic person who would rather be miserable than try and fix her life. Because two years ago she had made a horrible mistake and run from her problems, only to learn that running just made them worse.

It was a realization that had come too little too late and she hadn't been able to change history. She'd been in school and had obligations that she decided to honor, like the adult that she had claimed to be. Only now she was being told that she was a coward that didn't have the guts to face her past.

"Thank you, Dr. Kimbrell. You've been the best professor I ever could have asked for." Elena rose to her feet and plastered the most sincere smile possible on her face. "Maybe I'll see you around."

She turned to leave, but he called out to her. "Elena," he waited until she turned back around to continue on. "Ernest Hemingway's first novel was stolen from a train station, never to be published. Later, he admitted that the novel probably hadn't even been good and that he had to write that not so great novel to be able to become the writer he needed to be. He's still one of the greatest writers that history has ever seen. You're young and talented. If you take the time to focus on yourself and your writing, away from school required assignments, you could publish a great novel one day."

"Thank you, Dr. Kimbrell."

She knew that he was just trying to be nice and that a part of him did sincerely feel bad about what he'd just said to her, but it didn't make it any easier. It just made her feel like he was right and that she'd just wasted the last two years of her life, even if she did have her graduate degree. Amazing how five minutes could change her view so much. He'd taken everything she'd told herself for two years and completely shattered it.

Because if she were to sit down and look at her life, what did she really have? Sure, she had her Masters, but with Caroline and Bonnie on the other side of the country there was no one to celebrate with. When she moved, life didn't suddenly come to a halt in New York. Caroline and Bonnie still had lives that continued on without her. And after what had happened with Damon, she didn't really have any other friends left.

There seemed to be nothing but a path of destruction in her wake, and for the next two weeks, she obsessed over her conversation with Dr. Kimbrell, pouring over every single paper she'd ever turned into him, writing notes in the margins, and trying to figure out what was truly wrong with her words. One night, as she was reading over one of the defining moments in her final paper, it hit her – she was what was wrong. He was totally and completely right, but not just about her characters. Not only would her words never truly make sense if she didn't know herself, but neither would her life.

That was how she found herself standing on the crowded streets of New York City for the first time in two years. Nobody knew that she was in town. Last she'd told Caroline and Bonnie, she was still in Chicago, finishing up with school. In fact, when they'd come to visit her last month, she didn't mention a word about coming back. Somewhere in her mind, she'd always had the idea that she would, but she never allowed herself to think about it, because if she did, then she wouldn't be able to stay away for another moment. She had no more excuses, though, only time.

So, here she was, outside of Caroline's building, getting ready to surprise one of her best friends.

She entered the building and rode up to Caroline's floor in a nervous silence. Caroline didn't really liked to be surprised, but everything had been so last minute. One minute, she'd been sitting in her apartment a pen in her mouth, and dozens of sheets of paper scattered around her. The next, she was on her computer, looking for empty apartments in her old neighborhood. A week later she had packed everything up, turned in the letter to not renew her lease and had been on a plane back to New York. She'd only signed the lease for a new apartment an hour ago.

She was ready to do what she hadn't been able to do two years ago. She was going to face her problems in the flesh and fix the mess she'd made of her life.

She could hear shuffling footsteps from the inside the apartment after she knocked on Caroline's door. Soon, her friend had thrown open the door and was standing in front of her, eyes wide and silent at the site of Elena in her hallway.

"Oh my God!" Caroline exclaimed, a wide smile on her face, after a moment. "What are you doing here?" She quickly pulled Elena into a tight hug and Elena felt herself relax in the blonde's arms, but then Caroline went tense and pulled away, eyes wide. "Oh my God! What are you doing here?"

She studied Caroline curiously for a moment before offering a brief smile. "I'm back." She shrugged her shoulders awkwardly. "I decided to come home."

"Why didn't you call?"

"It was all kind of last minute. I haven't even shipped my things out, and I just got in today."

"So, you're back for good?" she questioned hesitantly, almost scared of the answer.

"Yeah."

Caroline opened her mouth to say something, but then the voice that haunted her dreams every night sliced through the silence. "Blondie, Stefan says if you want your stuff packed you have to come help. He says he knows better than to –."

Elena watched as Damon strode into the entryway. His voice trailed off into the distance when his eyes fell on her standing frozen in the hallway. She felt her stomach turn over inside of her at the sight of him in a black t-shirt and jeans, his hair a ruffled mess.

"Oh no." Caroline looked like a deer caught in headlights as Damon came to a halting stop behind her.

"Damon," she breathed out. It had been two years and he still looked as gorgeous as he ever had.

His face hardened after the shock wore off and he seemed to understand that she was standing a few feet in front of him. "I think you have the wrong place." He pulled Caroline back and then slammed the door in her face, leaving her stunned in the hallway.

She remained in front of the door, stunned at what had just happened. His voice had been ice cold as he talked to her like she shouldn't be here. And the look he'd had in his eyes – he'd only ever looked like that when in the presence of his father. The way he'd looked at her just then, it was like he hated her.

"I'm so sorry, Elena." Caroline opened the door and she could tell that she was flustered. "You just, you caught us off guard." She pulled the door closed behind her as she stepped cautiously into the hallway. "Damon was just surprised, that's all."

"You don't have to lie to me," she said to her friend. Caroline struggled for the next words that she would say, but nothing seemed to come. She was truly at a loss for the first time in her life. "Guess this will teach me to show up unannounced."

"It's not that I'm not happy," Caroline insisted, "I just really wasn't expecting this. Stefan and I, we're moving and everything is such a mess. We didn't expect that our place would sell so fast, but then it did, and they want us out in thirty days, which was twenty-eight days ago. We didn't start packing until we found a new place, since we're stupid. We've had to rope pretty much everyone we know into helping us because I can't do much with –" She went silent, mid-sentence and swallowed thickly. Her face grew pale and she shook her head, trying to erase the words from her brain. When Elena was about to ask her what was wrong, Caroline continued on like nothing had happened. "Anyway, we're just a disaster in there, but I'm so happy you're back." The tears appeared in her eyes and then she was pulling Elena into a tight hug. "God, I missed you."

Elena allowed herself to revel in the familiarity and comfort of Caroline's embrace. "I missed you too," she whispered. "I missed you so much, you and Bonnie."

"Oh my god, Bonnie!" She pulled away from Elena, an ecstatic look on her face. "Does she know? Have you see her yet?"

"No, I came here first. You're closer to my new apartment."

"She's going to go insane when she realizes you're back. This is going to be great." She had her arms around Elena again before she could even blink. "We're all back together again!"

The two friends talked and cried for fifteen more minutes before Stefan came into the hallway and told Caroline they really needed her help, then went back inside without sparing a single look in her direction. The blonde apologized, but Elena told her there was no need. Stefan was Damon's brother, of course he wouldn't want to look at her or talk to her. She couldn't blame him. She didn't want to look at herself most days. Caroline hugged her one more time, telling her that there would be a small party a few days after they were moved into their new place. She didn't question the fact that Caroline didn't ask her to help with the move. The words that remained unsaid were simple; Damon would be there and he wouldn't want her there. So, she'd have to make do with waiting a few more days to see her again.

The next stop was Bonnie's, and her reaction wasn't much different than Caroline's. There were tears and hugging, but Bonnie then added on an hour-long lecture for good measure. She didn't complain through any of it, took it all in stride. She deserved the lecture and more from her. And the next few days that Caroline was busy with the move, Bonnie stayed glued to her side. Nothing would make up for the years they'd spent apart, but it felt great to finally be around her again. Sometimes, she'd catch Bonnie looking at her, harsh words fighting just inside her mouth to come out, but she held them in. For now.

Maybe it had been her way of giving Elena an easy time before the party, where she'd see Damon again. She didn't expect anything pretty or special at the party. It would be torture; that she knew. She'd be in the same room with him for the first time in years, unable to touch him or say anything to him that she wanted. No, she predicted, it would be awhile before Damon would allow her to say much of anything to him.

When she walked into Stefan and Caroline's new building, her palms started sweating, and the nerves that had been fraying a little more with each passing minute that led up to the party and facing Damon again, left her doubting herself more and more. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night for Stefan and Caroline, would her presence really be a good idea? "I don't know, Bonnie," Elena said, nervously picking at her dress. "Are you sure it's a good idea that I'm here? You know Damon isn't going to want me to be here."

"Damon's a big boy, he can suck it up," Bonnie told her as she pressed the button for Caroline and Stefan's floor.

"I know, but still, you didn't see him the other day when he saw me. He looked at me like I was his father."

"Okay, look," Bonnie turned and grabbed Elena's shoulders to give her a heavy stare. "The way you handled things when you left was horrible, I won't sugarcoat that, but it's done. You left and now you're back, none of that can change. So, you have to figure out whether you can handle Damon's anger, or whether you want to run away again. Which will it be?"

The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open on Caroline's floor, but Bonnie was still looking at her, waiting for an answer. She could let Bonnie get out of the elevator and go to this dinner party while she went home, or she could put on her brave face and go try and fix her mistakes.

"I'll stay," she finally said, her voice holding more confidence than she felt, but she knew she meant what she said.

The past two years had taught her that running away from her problems didn't fix anything. Running didn't make the pain lessen. It didn't make a difference to how she felt about Damon. All running had accomplished was isolating her from everyone she knew.

"Good," Bonnie smiled at her. "Cause Caroline would have kicked my butt if I'd actually let you not come. And let me tell you, she's just crazy enough to actually do it right now."

Elena tried to tell herself to relax as Bonnie looped her arm through hers, but that was easier said than done. Even if she did put on her brave face, it was still going to hurt to be in the same room as Damon and know that he was furious with her. There would be no shared smiles or stolen touches. There was just going to be tension and pain.

"Just don't let him kill me," she mumbled softly to Bonnie as they entered the spacious apartment that Caroline and Stefan had just finished moving into. She still didn't understand why they had moved from their two-bedroom apartment into a five-bedroom penthouse, but she hadn't asked. She'd been gone for two years; she hadn't earned that right back just yet.

Moments after entering, she spotted Damon across the room, deep in conversation with Alaric. He was smiling and laughing about something, but with Alaric's gaze found her across the room, Damon's soon followed, and the moment he laid eyes on her, his entire demeanor changed. The smile fell from his lips and his entire body went rigid. She could practically feel the temperature in the room drop as he stared at her. However, as quickly as his eyes had found her, they left her. He promptly turned his back to her and delved right back into his conversation with Alaric, who did his best to follow along, but as his eyes continued to stray to her, she knew he was finding it hard.

"Stop staring," Bonnie whispered in her ear. "Just don't worry about it."

"He hates me."

"It's Damon," Bonnie rolled her eyes, "He hates everything but alcohol."

The laugh fell from her lips before she could pull it back in. Two years and one devastating mistake later and Bonnie could still barely tolerate Damon. With how much she was finding out had changed during her time away, it was nice to see that at least something had stayed the same. "I know I've said it a million times these past few days, but I really missed you, B."

"Right back at ya." Bonnie playfully bumped her hip against Elena before linking their arms together and dragging her over to the bar. "Drinks? I think we'll need the assistance tonight."

Truer words had never been spoken, Elena realized as the night went on. She could feel Damon's eyes on her from time to time, but every time she looked over, he was deeply engrossed in whatever conversation he was having at the moment. Caroline had said a quick hello in between trying to greet everyone, promising her that she'd talk to her in a little bit, but Bonnie stayed glued to her side, giving her the extra strength that the alcohol could not.

"How many death threats do you think Caroline gave to get this place ready for the party tonight?" Elena questioned as she walked down the hallway with Bonnie after having looked at some of the bedrooms. She still had that right as a friend, at least.

"I don't know, but I'm just glad you came back when you did, because if you hadn't, I would have been stuck helping her move to. So, hey, barely a week back in New York and you're already starting to make up for some of your mistakes. Good job."

"Thank you, but I don't think everything else will be nearly as easy as hanging out with you. I still have a long talk –" She stopped dead in her tracks, paralyzed by the sight in front of her. Damon had his arms around Andie, the woman he'd sworn hadn't wanted him, his lips pressed gently to her ear as he whispered something to her. Elena could see the blush creep up on Andie's cheeks, and it hurt. It felt like someone had stabbed her in the chest as she watched Damon smile and then kiss her.

"Uh-oh," Bonnie mumbled beside her. "Caroline said he wasn't bringing her."

"He's dating Andie?" she questioned, her voice sounding strained from the effort it took to even force the words out.

"Yeah," Bonnie began quietly. "They've been together for a few months. I'm sorry. I would have told you, but I honestly thought he wasn't bringing her. I wanted to give you a little more time back before that bomb was dropped on you."

As if he could hear what was being said, his eyes lifted and met hers across the distance. She could only imagine what she must look like right now. If the pain that was surely etched on her face had any affect on him, it didn't show. He only raised an eyebrow and turned to kiss Andie, making no attempt to hide the fact that his tongue was taking up shop in her mouth in front of a room of people.

"Oh god," she groaned and forced herself to look away.

"Hey, don't even worry about that." Bonnie waved her hand in the general direction of Damon and Andie. "You knew he wasn't going to play nice. Brush it off."

"He moved on," she choked out.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I know I sound stupid. I just didn't think I'd see that."

"At least it's out of the way. Come on, let's get another drink."

She let Bonnie keep her as separated from Damon as possible for the next hour, while forcing herself to keep her eyes away from him as well. Every time she seemed to see him now, he was kissing Andie or whispering something in her ear. They looked happy and content, and it hurt like a bitch. Her luck ran out though, when someone Elena didn't know pulled Bonnie away, and she was left all alone in the middle of the room.

Al she could do was stand there with her drink in her hand, trying not to look like too much of a freak. At least, until Caroline came bouncing over to her, apologizing profusely about it taking so long for her to be able to talk to Elena. "I'm so sorry. Stefan's teacher friends have been hogging me all night. They're great people, but they always get off on these literature tangents and I feel so stupid. I read Cosmopolitan and Vogue, what the hell do I know about Hemingway?"

Elena laughed, happy that she had an ally at her side again. Maybe she'd be lucky and get to talk to Caroline for at least twenty minutes before someone dragged her off. "The place is great," Elena complimented the penthouse with a wide smile, as she looked around. "I can't believe you got everything moved in so quickly."

"What can I say? I have Stefan trained well." Caroline smiled brightly as she glanced over her shoulder to Stefan, who was engrossed in a conversation with a man that she assumed was one of his coworkers. "I may have also threatened Ric and Damon with bodily harm if they didn't help."

Elena couldn't help but giggle softly at Caroline. Some things would never change with that girl.

"So, why did you two move? You loved that apartment."

"What, Blondie didn't tell you?"

Elena's head snapped in Damon's direction as he came waltzing over to them, his arm slung casually around Andie's shoulders. He had a dangerous smile plastered to his face, and she knew that this wasn't going to end well.

"Damon," Caroline warned, her eyes wide. "Stop it. Don't do this."

"Tell me what?" Elena looked back at Caroline, confused on what she was missing. Someone wasn't telling her something.

"Go ahead, sis," Damon encouraged. "Tell Elena here the good news."

"Don't," Caroline grit out from between her teeth.

What the hell was going on?

"Fine," he sighed with a dramatic roll of his eyes. "I'll go ahead and share." His eyes moved to her, and she saw his gaze harden as his eyes locked with hers. "Caroline's pregnant. Surprise!"


	24. You Lost Me

**Chapter 23**

**I feel like our world's been infected  
>And somehow you left me neglected<br>We've found our life's been changed  
>Babe, you lost me<strong>

"We have a problem." Stefan walked into the living room, a worried expression on his face.

Damon jumped to his feet. "What?"

"There's been a wreck that has traffic completely blocked. The limo won't be here for, at least, another thirty minutes."

"What do you mean it's going to take another thirty minutes?" he demanded. "We should have left for the church ten minutes ago!"

"I know, but he's stuck. There's nothing he can do."

"We don't pay him to get stuck in traffic, Stefan!" he yelled. "I can't be late to my own wedding! She's going to think I stood her up!"

This could not be happening! Everything that could go wrong on his wedding day was going wrong. It was all Elena's fault. She screwed with everything when she showed up asking him not to get married. If he'd left well enough alone everything would be fine. Who cared if that didn't sound logical? He was going to blame her.

"Call Andie and tell her what happened. She'll understand."

He snorted at his brother's suggestion. That was not going to help anything with this situation. "She's already worried that I'm going to ditch her at the alter. Calling her to say that I'm going to be late isn't going to alleviate those fears."

"Well what else are you going to do? We don't have a car, Damon. We're stuck for the time being. End of story," Stefan told him with an exasperated sigh. They'd been going back and forth all day, and Stefan was going to lose it before long. Even the perfect Stefan could only stay calm for so long.

"You know what? You really suck as a best man."

"Maybe because I've already done this before," he threw in Damon's face. "It gets a little redundant."

Damon seethed at the mention of his wedding to Katherine. Was that really going to do anything but piss him off more? "I don't care how much Andie will hate me for ruining the pictures, I will punch you out if you don't watch it."

Stefan picked up Damon's phone and threw it at him. "Oh, just shut up and call her." He groaned, but did as Stefan said anyway. She was going to kill him.

In only a few short rings, she breathlessly answered the phone. "Please don't be a bad call."

"Well, I'm still coming to the wedding," he hedged positively. "Yay!"

As predicted, she didn't respond well to his attempt at keeping her calm. "What does that even mean?"

"It would appear there has been a wreck and our limo is a little delayed."

"Are you kidding me?" she demanded, panic edging into her voice that he was used to always being calm and positive. "Cause this is a really crappy joke, Damon. Tell me you're joking, and then apologize for being an ass."

He sighed. "I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. We're stuck here for another thirty minutes, but I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm not standing you up."

"Really? It's starting to feel like it. I'm getting a little worried here."

"Andie, I need you to listen me. Can you do that?" he asked.

"Yeah," she meekly said on the other end.

"You have nothing to worry about. I'm coming and you will see me at the end of that aisle when they open those church doors. Understand? Nothing to worry about."

"Okay, I won't worry," she promised. "Just try to hurry, because even if I don't worry, everyone else will."

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Now, go have a glass of champagne and I'll see you soon. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Good, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

He hung up the phone and looked up at his brother. "Happy?"

Stefan shrugged. "For someone who just swore to Andie that she has nothing to worry about, you look pretty worried."

Damon dropped his phone on the couch and sat back down. He could not win for losing today. If he'd known that this was how his day was going to go when he woke up, he might have stayed in bed. "I'm going to be late to my own wedding. Of course, I'm worried, but I told Andie she didn't need to worry and I meant it."

"I seem to remember you telling her that a lot this past year."

He looked up and glared at his brother. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"That she had reason to worry, and we both know it." Damon clenched his jaw. "All your talk when Elena got back was a bunch of crap. Just own it."

* * *

><p>The news fell like a bomb over the small group in the middle of Stefan and Caroline's living room. He watched it slowly fall until it finally hit the ground and exploded, sending Elena into a state of shock. The color drained from her face as the realization set in in her eyes. She looked to Caroline, as if waiting for a denial, but when all she was met with were sympathetic eyes and the sad shaking of Caroline's head, he saw the true understanding flash in her gaze. The breaths fell from her mouth in shaky pants and her whiskey colored eyes shone brightly with tears.<p>

A strangled sound emanated from the back of her throat before she finally stumbled back as she murmured, "I have to go to the bathroom." She turned on her heels and fled the room, leaving a confused Andie and stricken Caroline behind her.

Caroline turned her furious blue eyes on him and shoved a manicured fingernail roughly into his chest. "That was a shitty thing to do, and you know it." With that, she ran off after Elena.

"I feel like I'm missing something," Andie pondered from beside him.

Damon turned in front of her and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. "Don't worry about it." He silenced the retort on her lips with a gentle kiss. "Let's go get another drink, okay?"

Andie willingly went with him to the bar and got another glass of wine for herself, but after he had his drink securely in hand, she said, "Don't think I don't realize what you're trying to do. We'll talk about this later."

He could only roll his eyes at his girlfriend and the innate reporter inside of her. She never let anything go until she had all the information she wanted, and that was usually a lot of information.

She'd be filled with questions later tonight, but he didn't think he'd be giving her any of the answers she was truly looking for. He cared about Andie, always had and always would, but there were some things that just couldn't be shared. She didn't know about the miscarriage. When they talked about why he and Elena didn't work, he glossed over it, saying she left to go to graduate school and the relationship ended.

"You're always prying, you know that?"

She smiled and playfully shrugged her shoulders. "What can I say? It's a gift."

"It's something," he told her affectionately.

"What the hell is your problem?" Stefan stormed up to Damon, a scowl on his face.

"Brother," Damon drawled out, a grin on his face, "What ever is your problem?" Stefan grabbed Damon's arm and jerked him toward the kitchen. "Hey, this suit is expensive, be gentle," he groaned, pushing Stefan's hand away from him.

"Where the hell do you get off telling Elena that Caroline is pregnant?" Stefan demanded once they were in the kitchen, away from curious eyes and ears. "She's locked herself in the bathroom. You know Caroline wanted to be the one to tell her."

"Is that why she's been avoiding Elena for the past week?"

"I know that you're mad at her, and you want to make her miserable because she moved to Chicago, but do not drag my wife into it. You are not going to use Caroline and our child to make Elena pay."

"Oh, so protective," Damon mocked Stefan with a laugh. "I'm scared."

"Look, I get it, Elena moving back has thrown you off, but that doesn't give you free reign to do whatever you want."

"Just give it a rest, Stefan. So I upset Elena, boo freaking hoo. She made her decisions, so she can be a big girl and take her consequences."

"Do you think that's actually going to help anything? Do you really think making Elena pay and suffer is going to make you feel better? Do you think it's going to make it all not hurt so bad?"

"I'm not hurt," he snapped at his brother. He was not hurt, not anymore. "I don't give a damn about Elena. I just thought she should know what everyone was keeping from her."

"That's a lie and you know it."

"Watch it," he dangerously warned.

"You're forgetting that I've been here these past two years, and all of the things that I saw. Elena left and it sucked, I know that. And I know her being back is just bringing it all up again, but you can't revert back to what you were. Not only can I not handle that anymore, but you can't either."

"Well, I hope you're happy with yourself, cause that was a dick move, Damon." Caroline came storming into the kitchen, a scowl identical to Stefan's previous one on her face. God, they really were an old married couple.

"Not my fault that you couldn't tell your best friend that you're pregnant."

"It was not your place to tell her." Caroline shoved a finger into his chest. "You are such an asshole."

"Spare me the lecture, your husband beat you to it."

"Well, I hope you're happy. Bonnie took her home in tears. So, you can stop shoving your tongue down Andie's throat any time now."

"Oh, Elena left? How original," he deadpanned, which only earned him more glares from Stefan and Caroline. "Give it a rest you two. What did you think I was going to do? Give her a hug and tell her it was great to see her?"

"That would require us expecting some maturity on your part. So, no, we really didn't think you'd be anything resembling nice to her, but I didn't expect you to do that." Caroline rolled her eyes and shook her head. "God, Damon, I don't even think you really should be nice to Elena, but no matter what you feel about her, bringing your child into it is too low." She turned to Stefan and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth before backing toward the living room. "Aim a little higher next time."

"Those hormones are gonna be a ball," Damon said with fake enthusiasm, but at the frustrated look on Stefan's face, he sighed and took a small step toward his brother. "Look, I'm happy for you, okay? I made fun of Caroline all the time before she was pregnant, the real worry would be if I stopped."

Stefan watched his face for a moment, trying to determine if Damon was really being sincere. "You really mean that? You're really happy for me?" he finally asked.

Damon found out about Caroline's pregnancy two weeks ago, but he'd yet to have a conversation with his brother about it. What was he supposed to say? He honestly had no idea how he really felt. It had been over two years since Elena lost the baby and he forced that thought out of his head on a daily basis. The moment a memory crept into the forefront of his mind, he pushed it back out, determined to keep the pain away. It was harder now that he wasn't bathing in alcohol anymore, but it was getting easier.

Andie had helped ease some of the pain. She was a reminder of his life before Katherine or Elena existed. With her, he could almost convince himself he was still 21 and oblivious to any sort of heartache or agony in his romantic life. She represented a time when things were still simple. Reminders of Caroline being pregnant were not simple, so he'd tried not to think about that.

He couldn't very well say that to Stefan, though.

"Of course I mean it." He smiled at him. No matter what he may or may not feel about Caroline's pregnancy was not something that needed to be shared with Stefan. He'd been there for him for the past two years and he at least owed it to him to be happy for him. "Let's face it, you're much more suited for the parenting thing than I ever would be." Now, those words, he did believe.

"That's not true," Stefan scolded him.

"Now who's the liar?"

"Hey, look," Stefan hedged lightly, trying to ease into whatever he was trying to say. "I know that Elena being back is hard, but being cruel isn't going to help anything."

"I'm not being cruel. I'm only giving her what she deserves."

"And she deserved for you to tell her in the middle of a party that Caroline is pregnant?" Stefan raised an eyebrow at him in a scolding manner that only Stefan could really accomplish. "You knew that was going to hurt her, and I do understand that, I do, but that wasn't just Elena's baby. That was your child, Damon. "

He flinched at the mention of Elena's pregnancy. People rarely had the courage to bring it up around him, and for that he was grateful. "Stop it, I'm not doing this."

He turned to leave, but Stefan reached out and placed his hands on Damon's shoulders. "No, don't do that. Do not shut me out."

"I'm not having this conversation."

"Elena didn't just lose a baby, Damon. She lost _your_ baby." Damon turned his head away, but Stefan only moved his hands up higher to turn Damon's face forward. "Think about that when you're trying to make her pay for moving."

His jaw clenched at Stefan's words, trying to remain calm, but his brother was making it hard. He didn't want to be reminded of Elena and the baby. It had been hard enough to deal with when it was actually happening, and then when she'd left, it had been like he was living in hell. Now that she was back, it was bringing so many feelings back to the surface that he'd spent many drunken nights trying to bury. They were best left dead and gone. He was done with Elena and everyone needed to let it go.

"There's nothing to think about. It's over."

"It's not over," Stefan insisted. "Maybe Elena and you dealt with things separately, although I think that's still up for debate, but you didn't deal with it together. If there's any chance of you and her being able to co-exist and really move on from this, you have to face what happened."

"I tried," he snapped, shoving a finger in his chest. "I tried and she left, but _I tried_."

From the moment he found out she was pregnant he tried to be there for her. He was there from day one. He'd done everything right, and she'd still left him. How could he want to do anything that would make her life easier? He wanted her to feel the pain that he'd felt. He needed it. Seeing her with Bonnie tonight, laughing and smiling like nothing was wrong, absolutely enraged him. Who was she to come waltzing back into town and act like everything was fine? Everything wasn't fine and he wasn't about to let her forget that anytime soon.

"You can't do this anymore, Damon." Stefan pulled him from his thoughts with the beginning to yet another lecture. "If you don't want to play nice for yourself, do it for me. All you're going to accomplish by acting this way is putting Caroline in the middle. She's your sister-in-law and she's pregnant."

"God, Stefan!" Damon exploded. "Why are you even doing this? You hate Elena and you know it. You won't even _look_ at her, much less say a word to her. Yet, you're lecturing me about being nice to the little bitch?"

"I'm not saying you have to be nice. I'm saying you need to not pull stunts like you did tonight. If you can't be cordial with her then ignore her like I do. The reason I don't talk to her is because I have nothing nice to say to her, and I'm not about to put my pregnant wife in the middle of it."

"I swear, you say Caroline's pregnant more than she does right now. And she says it _a lot_."

"Because I don't want you to forget it. I want you to remember that she is pregnant every time you think about doing or saying something that will put her in the middle of you and Elena. As much as she was angry with Elena, she's still her best friend. She loves Elena and wants her around. Please respect that, at least until the baby is born. If you still hate her after that, do what you want, but until then, keep your thoughts to yourself."

"Whatever, Stefan. I'm going to go spend some time with my girlfriend. Have fun coddling your wife."

"I mean it, Damon," Stefan warned. "You put my wife in the middle of this one more time and we're going to have a major problem."

"Screw you and the horse you rode in on, Stefan." He walked away from his brother without another glance, annoyed and completely over Stefan's sanctimonious crap. His life was so perfect, and everyone had to know it, but he wasn't about to listen to his brother preach to him about how he should treat Elena. Stefan couldn't stand her, and they both knew that. Who did he really think he was fooling?

Alaric appeared next to Damon, offering him a drink. "I'm assuming Elena leaving in tears had something to do with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What did you do? Kick her puppy?"

"No," he shrugged, "I just told her about Caroline." He said it like it was simple and small, like it hadn't been meant to specifically hurt her.

"Oh god," Alaric groaned. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I most certainly did."

"Talk about a low blow." He incredulously shook his head. "That's cold."

"Cold like her heart."

Alaric rolled his eyes. "Now you're just being a dick."

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed. "You too?" Why was he getting this reaction from everyone? "You and Stefan and Caroline, and all of you just need to get off my case. You all sound so surprised that I haven't welcomed her back with open arms, but this is kind of what I do, Ric. I'm an asshole and I do shitty things. Nothing surprising here."

"I don't think it's the fact that you were mean to Elena that has us telling you that was harsh. I think it's the fact that you used her miscarriage against her. That's messed up, even for you."

He opened his mouth with a rude retort, but before he could snap at his best friend, Andie slid up next to him and worriedly ran her hand down his back. "Hey, what's going on here? People are starting to stare."

He glared at Alaric then quickly covered it with a smile as he looked to Andie. "Nothing, babe. Ric is just mad that I stood him up last week to go to dinner with you."

Andie laughed and lightly rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he is."

"He just gets jealous, that's all." Damon flashed Alaric a cocky smile and turned his full attention to Andie. "You ready to leave? If I have to talk about Emerson or Thoreau, or one more stupid literary person for one more second, I will throw someone out the window."

"With behavior like this, no one would ever believe that you are actually well read," she teased him.

"Just because I read doesn't mean I want to talk about it."

"Whatever you say." She brushed her hands over the front of his shirt and stepped away. "If you're ready to go, let's go. I'd rather you not get charged with murder tonight." She leaned over and gave Alaric a quick hug. "Don't get too jealous, Ric. I'll send him your way sometime soon; let him annoy you for a day."

"Oh, yes!" Alaric exclaimed in feigned enthusiasm. "Please do!"

"Bye, Ric. We will _not_ continue this conversation later."

He grabbed Andie's hand and quickly dragged her out of Stefan and Caroline's place, insisting that if they tried to say goodbye to his brother they'd only get pulled into a conversation that he didn't want to have, with people he didn't want to know. Yeah, he wasn't in a good mood, and she was starting to pick up on it by the time they were almost back to her place. "Is this about Elena?" she finally asked him.

"Is what about Elena?"

"This," she motioned to him and then shook her head. "You. Your whole attitude tonight. Is it because Elena's back?"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Why can't I just not be in a good mood? Is it so hard to believe that work sucked today?"

Now it was Andie's turn to roll her eyes. "I've known you for ten years, Damon. Don't treat me like I'm stupid."

"What do you want me to tell you?" he questioned her with exasperation. "I'm not happy Elena's back. I'm not happy to see her. I'm most certainly not going to play nice, but my behavior tonight has nothing to do with her. I just wasn't in the mood to spend my evening with a bunch of people I don't care about."

"I swear, sometimes you're still twenty years old and pissed off at the world," she sighed. "Your life doesn't suck, Damon. Your brother is great and he loves you. You have a job that people would kill for. I like to think I'm not the worst girlfriend in the world to have, but sometimes you act like you don't care about any of it."

As Andie turned her head away from him to try and hide the emotion on her face, he immediately felt bad. She didn't deserve how he was treating her tonight. She wasn't the one that left him. All she'd ever done for him was be there when he needed her to, and taking things out on her wasn't right.

"Hey," he slid across the backseat of the taxi, grabbing her face in his hands and turning it so he could look at her, "I do care. You're the first girl I ever loved. You've stuck around even though there are far better men out there for you. I'm sorry about tonight. I'm just on edge."

She didn't push him away from her, but he could tell that she wouldn't relax in his hands either. "About Elena. You're on edge about Elena."

"Okay, yeah," he finally conceded. "She left without a warning and returned without one too. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. I'm sorry for taking it out on you."

She swallowed thickly as she looked at him, scared to ask her next question. "Should I be worried?"

"No," he answered immediately. "There is nothing to worry about with Elena. We've been apart longer than we were ever together. She's my past. You're my present. You have_nothing_ to worry about."

"Promise?" He knew it hurt Andie to ask questions like these. She hated being vulnerable as much as he did, and being worried about another woman vying for his attention made her feel vulnerable.

"I promise," he swore to her with as much sincerity as he could find. "Elena and I, we're over." She sighed with relief at his words and it felt nice to know that he'd alleviated her fears. No matter where things went with Andie, he didn't want to hurt her. When the taxi pulled to a stop in front of her apartment, he slid out of the car and held the door open for her. "I'm pretty drained. You okay if I stay at my place tonight?"

She easily nodded her head. "Yeah, I have to be up really early for something anyway. We both know how much you hate getting woken up before it's light out."

He groaned and tugged her hips toward his. "It's inhumane and you're crazy for doing it."

"It's my job. We all have things we have to do that aren't so fun for the job that we love."

"I'll let you know if I ever figure out what that's like."

"Oh, hush." She leaned forward and silenced him with a kiss. It was soft and slow, just what he needed right now. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" she whispered against his lips.

"Sounds good. Bye."

"Bye babe."

He watched and waited until she got safely into her building without climbing back into the taxi. "Fifteen Central Park West," he said to the driver after he closed the door.

"You've got it."

He rested his head against the seat and tried to relax as the taxi drifted through New York. He'd been warned that Elena would be there tonight, but knowing he'd be faced with her and being in the same room with her were two completely different things. For so long, he'd thought about what it would be like to finally see her again. Would she look different? Would her laugh still be the same? Would she still look at him like he was the only man in the room? All of those questions and more used to run through his head more than he would have liked. Then, it was happening, and instead of observing any of those things, he just felt cold and angry.

She'd left him with no warning, only to show up on his brother's doorstep two years later. It had taken the breath right out of him when he went to the front door and saw her standing in the hallway. She'd gone still when she spotted him and the surprise had been evident on her face. He figured their first time seeing each other after so long had played differently than that in her head as well. He'd played a lot of scenarios in his head, but that had never been one of them. It was almost poetic in a way, though.

Elena returned to New York weeks after Caroline found out she was pregnant. That couldn't have been an accident. If there was some mighty being up there, it was definitely screwing with him and Elena, because he could have never dreamt of this. And he never thought he would've gotten to land such a devastating blow to her. He knew how low the revelation of Caroline's pregnancy was. It was messed up, even by his standards, but he hadn't been able to help it. She'd been standing with Caroline, smiling like nothing had ever happened, and when he heard her ask about why they moved, something snapped.

Who was she to come back after all this time? This wasn't her life anymore. They had all moved on. No one was the same as when she left. He and Caroline actually did more than tolerate each other now. She was his sister in every way that mattered. He had a girlfriend – a great one. And Stefan and Caroline were going to have a baby. If she'd been here she would've known, or at least known they were trying. She wasn't here though, and she didn't know anything.

So, he told her. He looked her dead in her eyes and gave her the single piece of news that he knew would shake her already wobbly foundation. And it had worked. Boy, had it worked. The color had drained from her like they'd literally bled her dry. It felt good. For so many months after the miscarriage she'd been void of any emotion, and watching her feel that pain felt good.

"You know what?" Damon leaned forward to address the driver. "Change of plans. Take me to Amsterdam." The driver gave him a curious look, but said nothing as he put on his blinker for the next turn.

He couldn't go home yet. After truly seeing Elena for the first time, the penthouse would hold too many bad memories. He needed a few drinks before he could face that. He wasn't going to get drunk. No, those days were pretty much over, thanks to his dad. It didn't mean he couldn't enjoy a few beverages though. He needed something to calm his nerves. So, when the driver pulled to a stop on Amsterdam, he paid the tab, and got out. He'd have to walk for a couple minutes to get to where he wanted to be, but the weather was nice enough and he could use the air.

"Long time no see," Sam, the weekend bouncer, said when Damon walked into the bar. It had been a while since he'd been here, but it still looked the exact same.

The bar was much like it usually was at eleven at night on a Saturday night. There was a thick crowd that filled most of the space, but not too crowded for him to find his way through to the bar. He spotted her from about five feet away, her dark hair pulled up in a loose ponytail, and her leg was fidgeting like always when she'd been sitting down for an extended period of time. There was an empty drink in front of her, and she motioned for the bartender to bring her another of what she was drinking.

He should have known coming to Elena's old bar would be a bad idea, but he'd just gotten so accustomed to it. When he needed to get away from the people he knew, this was the only place he could really think to go and still manage to find himself some alcohol. It felt like he could rarely go anywhere without seeing people he knew. And with the short leash his father had him on, he couldn't really afford to run into people he knew.

Mark, who was still tending the bar, even after all this time, was on duty tonight and handed Elena her drink. They talked for a few moments, before he rested a hand on her drooped head and kissed it softly, and then moved back to the other end of the bar.

"Well, isn't this a surprise," Damon taunted as he waltzed up to her. "I thought you'd be halfway back to Chicago by now."

She was quickly wiping tears from her face when he sat down next to her. "What do you want, Damon?" she asked him quietly.

"What do I want?" he repeated the question. "World peace would be nice. Maybe my own private island. I think that might be fun. I wouldn't mind a few more vacation days. Being in love with someone who doesn't walk out on me with no warning or hope for any different outcome would have been great, but oh, you're not actually granting me these wishes are you? Figures, you're not much for doing things for the people that love you. It's all about what Elena wants and what Elena needs. It's your world and we're just living in it." Her hair had fallen to cover his view of her face from him, and she made no indication that she was planning on looking at him or saying anything to him. "What's the matter, Elena? Nothing to add here?"

"Nothing I say is going to make you happy. So what's the point?"

"True, but let's still try, shall we? Come on, Elena. Hit me with your best shot."

"I don't have anything to say right now."

"Really?" he questioned disbelievingly. "Two years and hundreds of voicemails later and you have nothing to say when you finally get the chance? I'm giving you the floor here; take it."

"What do you want me to say, Damon?" she snapped, spinning around on her stool to face him. Her face was stained with tears and her eyes were red, but filled with pain that even he couldn't miss. "You made it really clear tonight how you feel about me. So tell me what I can say to change any of this, because I've got nothing."

"How convenient. Nothing is about what you amount to. You ran off to Chicago for that fancy Master's degree, only to return and find yourself sitting in a bar on a weekend, all alone. How'd that work out for you?"

"Horribly."

"If only someone would have told you beforehand how it might not have worked out. Didn't you have people in your life that cared enough to try and help you from turning your life into a giant disaster?" He snapped his fingers, and his voice turned eerily cold. "That's right, you did. I seem to remember telling you, once upon a time, that you'd be miserable and alone in Chicago. Pity you didn't listen."

"What can I say? You told me so." Her voice was quiet and dejected now, void of all will to fight. To some, it might be cruel to kick someone when they're already down, but this was Elena, and he just didn't care.

"I did. I told you, but you just couldn't listen. You needed _space_ and _time_. None of that could be given to you in New York. You had to fly your ass halfway across the country just to make sure that no one would be able to bother you in your quest for utter and complete isolation from the world. You were just bound and determined to ruin your life, everyone else be damned. I'm so glad that worked out for you. I really am! It would have sucked if you came back to New York with some great life after all that effort you put into destroying it. Must be nice to achieve so much in that small period of time."

"I get it, Damon," she whispered, her head hung low again, but it didn't stop him. For the first time in two years she was really in front of him, for him to say everything he'd ever wanted to. The tears didn't matter. Her refusal to fight back didn't make a difference. Stefan's warning had no impact on him. She was here and he wasn't about to let her think that anything would ever be fine between them again.

"How does it feel, Elena? What's it like to know that your best friends in the entire world lied to your face? Bonnie and I have known Caroline is pregnant for weeks. Alaric knows. Caroline's boss knows. Her parents know. Hell, even my father knows. It seems, the only one out of the loop was you. How does it feel to know that Caroline would rather lie to you and avoid you than tell you the happiest news of her life?"

She was breathing shakily when she looked at him again. "Are you done?" She sounded exhausted and broken when she poised the question.

He smiled menacingly and shook his head. "Oh honey, I'm just getting started."

"Okay," she sighed and jumped down from the stool. "Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to go home now. I have to be up early to try and find a job. So can we just put this on hold for now? I'm sure you'll find me easily enough to continue this at a later date."

"What's wrong? Leaving so soon?"

She plastered the biggest smile he thought he'd ever see across her face, flashing teeth and all. "Yes, I am. Is that problem?"

"No, no problem," he easily shook his head. "I just think it's nice that you're still good at something."

"And what would that be?"

"Leaving, of course."

"Right," she swallowed thickly and the smile she wore was now hanging on by a thread. "See you around, Damon."

He watched her turn and flee from the bar like it was on fire. There was no doubt that he was going to catch serious hell from Caroline once Elena filled her in on this conversation. Elena had been horrible to him when she left for Chicago, but for some reason, he was the one getting lectured for not smiling and playing nice. Caroline and Stefan were all about how they were there for him as long as he needed them, but the second Elena came walking back into town, they were singing a different tune. He didn't care what they said or what they wanted. Elena hadn't abandoned them like she had done to him. This was his vengeance. They could stay out of it.

"Was that really a good idea?" Damon rolled his eyes and twisted on his stool to look at Mark, who now stood in front of him with a questioning gaze. "I get that you're mad, but that was a little cruel, don't you think?"

"What? Are you Elena's new savior now? Don't think I didn't see that moment you had when you brought her a drink."

Mark laughed like he'd been told the funniest joke known to man. "You know as well as I do that I have no feelings for Elena. She's like my sister."

"I don't know, she's pretty good at that whole damsel in distress thing. Watch yourself, it might pull you in. She's a master with those tears."

He'd gotten to know Mark fairly well over the past few years, especially after Elena was gone. This bar had been where he'd ended up many nights in a drunken stupor, only leaving with a willing female or Stefan dragging him out. So, yeah, he did know that Mark wasn't in love with Elena. He'd been with his girlfriend for over ten years, and never once looked at Elena in anything more than fondness. The truth wouldn't stop Damon from being an asshole, though.

"Look," Mark began, throwing a towel over his shoulder and leaning forward on the bar to get a better look at Damon, "I'm not going to tell you anything about Elena or how you should treat her, but I'll tell you this. Chicago wasn't easy for her, something I'm sure you're ecstatic about. However, next time you want to watch her cry, maybe you should think about asking her how Chicago was. If nothing else, it could give you some useful material, right?"

He pondered Mark's words for a moment before he motioned to his favorite bottle of scotch behind the bar. "Elena's time in Chicago could have been the worst two years of her life, for all I care. She won't find any sympathy from me." And it was true. If Elena was looking for sympathy from anyone, she'd never get it from him. That was exactly what he was going to tell her too. He jumped off the stool and ran out of the bar. Determined, he looked around to see if he could spot her, and sure enough, barely a block away, he saw her walking slowly down the street, her head hung low. He ran after her, pushing drunken idiots out of his way as he went, and when he was within hearing range, he yelled, "Hey!" She froze at the sound of his voice. "I don't know why you bothered to come back, but it's not going to work."

Slowly, she turned to face him, not even bothering to wipe the evidence of tears from her face. "Really? You're following me?"

"Yeah, we're not done here. I might have let you leave two years ago, but I have a few things to say this time and you're going to listen."

"Let me leave?" she questioned incredulously. "You threw me out."

"Cause you would have stayed otherwise?" Her mouth snapped shut at the question and they both knew that he was right. "Exactly what I thought."

"You're right, Damon. I was going to leave. Happy?"

"No," he gave a small shrug, "Not really, but my happiness doesn't matter to you anyway, so let's move on. You are the most selfish person I have ever met in my life. All you ever think about is yourself. And I'm here to tell you that that's not how it works anymore. You don't fool me now, Elena. You can't bat your eyelashes and expect me to cave like I used to. We all moved on when you left. So if you're thinking that you can just come back into everyone's lives and pick up where you left off, you have another thing coming."

"Your happiness did matter to me," she revealed quietly. "It still does."

"You're a liar," he spat. "Two years ago, I would have believed that, but not anymore. I don't believe a single word that ever came out of your mouth, and I never will again."

"I'm not lying," she insisted. "Just because I made horrible decisions, it doesn't mean I never loved you, or that I ever stopped."

"Don't say that," he warned darkly. "Don't ever say that again."

"That I love you?"

"Stop it." He backed away from her like she was on fire and she might burn him. "You don't get to say things like that. You abandoned any claim to any feelings for me the moment you decided to leave for Chicago."

"What's the matter, Damon?" she challenged, stepping toward him. "You can only use me as your punching bag when I don't talk back?"

"Oh no, you can say whatever you want, as long as it's the truth, but I know that's nothing but a lie."

"You're going to tell me that my feelings are a lie?" she questioned. "I didn't swear I was over my ex and go back to him. You did."

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Katherine," she spat the name like it was a bad taste in her mouth. "I know about Katherine. So don't stand there and talk to me about what I don't feel, when you were obviously harboring feelings for her the entire time we were together." The words stunned him into silence. "Yeah, didn't think I knew about that, did you?"

"How do you?" He wasn't even certain if Stefan and Caroline knew. So, how did she?

She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "One of your boxes got sent to me on accident. There was a picture of you and Katherine. I put the pieces together from there. How long did you even wait? A week, maybe? A month?"

"Don't worry, I waited a while before I went back to Katherine. Other girls, though? Not so much. The wounded, broody guy did wonders for my sex life. Thanks for that." She averted her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, don't act like such a prude, Elena. I doubt you were pining away for me every night. The guys had to be lining up outside your door."

"The damaged look isn't as attractive on girls as it is on you. Nobody wants to _fix us_. So, enjoy knowing that there was no line out my door." She laughed sarcastically and shook her head. "In fact, the first guy I slept with after you pulled a move from your playbook and pretty much kicked me out while I was still naked. Does that make you all tingly inside?" He had to admit he was shocked at the idea of anyone throwing Elena out while she was still naked, especially after they'd gotten a taste of what she was like in bed. "After I threw up in his bathroom, I think his exact words were that I had to be pretty screwed up in the head to still be single. So, you weren't the only one _wounded_ after everything, okay? I wasn't exactly living it up out there."

"Is that supposed to make me feel bad? I don't feel bad for you, Elena. That's actually what I came to tell you. If you want my sympathy, you'll never get it. You'll never get my understanding, empathy, compassion, or even my support."

"I wasn't aware that I'd asked for any of it."

"Good. You shouldn't bother."

"I won't."

"So, we both understand that you won't get anything from me?"

"Couldn't be more clear," she assured him.

"Good." He turned to leave, but she called after him.

"Just one question, though. Okay?" He paused and swung back around to face her, eyebrows raised in anticipation of her question. "Did you get what you wanted tonight when you told me Caroline was pregnant? Did that make you feel good?"

"There's nothing to feel good about," he easily said. "I just thought you should know the happy news.

"That's bullshit," she sneered, but there were tears glistening in her eyes. "You said it to hurt me, and you know it."

"Did it hurt finding out that everyone lied to your face?"

"Did it feel good using our child against me?" Hearing her say the words _our child_ to him hit hard in the gut. It had been so long since he'd heard them from her mouth, he had forgotten the powerful punch they carried. When he continued to stare at her, too paralyzed to speak, she sadly shook her head. "You win, okay? I'm a sucky person who doesn't deserve anything good. I get it. Trust me." She squeezed her eyes shut and brought her hands up to cover her face. "Can I go home now?" she whimpered from behind her makeshift shield.

"Yeah," he choked out, "I won't follow you."

She shook her head then turned and walked away from him. He could see her shoulders shaking with sobs as she went, but he couldn't make himself go after her. Years ago, nobody would have been able to stop him. Though he felt something conflicted inside of him over her tears that came from his cold delivery that Caroline was pregnant, he still had so much anger there. It was sill ready and waiting to be released, bursting under the surface. It would come up again; he knew that. Tonight couldn't erase all the pain and anger that still raged within him. She would see it again, but at least she now knew where they stood, even if he had been an ass about it. There was no going back. He'd never trust her again.


	25. Paradise

**Chapter 24**

**Life goes on, it gets so heavy  
>The wheel breaks the butterfly<br>Every tear a waterfall**

Elena forced herself to choke back the tears as she ended her call with Caroline. She heard the panic and fear in her voice and it was hard to not call her right back and tell her everything. She couldn't do that, though. If Caroline knew what kind of state she was in, she might not make it to Damon's wedding or truly be there for him on this day. She had to let Caroline know that she was okay and nothing could be done for her right now. Caroline's attention had to be on Damon, because even if she'd just tried to keep his wedding day from happening, it was happening.

She tried and she failed, and it hurt like hell. She hadn't fought hard enough. She let him control everything this past year, hoping that if she just waited until that right chance, she'd fix all of it. She thought that chance had come a few times, but she was always proven wrong. He had taken her up and he had taken her down this past year, but she had deserved all of it. He called all of the shots because she didn't have that right anymore. She left herself at his mercy, and he never really did find any for her in the end.

At least she had the comfort of knowing that she'd rebuilt her friendships. She'd, of course, been blessed with the best friends she could ever ask for, and they'd made it much easier than they could have. Though there were some moments where it was more than abundantly clear how much she had missed during her time away, but there were also times where it had felt like she had never left. They were her rocks through the past year. That was why she knew that she meant it when she said she would be back soon. She'd never move away from them again. She had to have them in the rest of her life. End of story.

It was Damon that she would no longer get to have. Maybe she had been delusional in her thoughts that there would ever be a day that things would be good between them again. Or, if that had ever been possible, she'd ruined it today. After begging him not to get married, things would never be okay. How could he ever be able to look her in the eye again, knowing what he knew? Granted, sometimes she didn't know how he looked at her anyway. A lot had happened in this past year. His mood was never something that she had found herself able to predict. When she expected anger, she got silence. When she expected indifference, she got hatred. When she expected acceptance, she got destroyed. And, most of all, when she expected to just be able to look in his eyes and see the man she loved more than anything, she'd see a stranger.

It was when she had those thoughts that she wanted to turn around and go straight back to him to demand answers. She wanted to know what any of it meant. She wanted to know why he'd behaved the way he had, what had been going through his head. Sometimes, he kept himself so closed off from her that she felt like they were in two separate worlds. Other times, she felt like they were on the same page for the first time in years. None of it ever lasted though. The good or the bad, it never lasted and it was exhausting. It had drained her this year, but she still loved him. No matter what he'd put her through, her heart was still his. It always would be. Even though he was preparing to promise to spend the rest of his life with Andie, she still hoped, in some distant part of her soul, that it would somehow be her. Today wouldn't be that day, but they weren't dead yet.

* * *

><p>"Okay, what about this?" Elena grabbed the laptop from Bonnie and looked at the job listing she'd found. It was an entry-level position at a smaller publishing company, and she figured it would probably pay well. Nothing would really pay as well as bartending had for her for the past several years, but she couldn't serve drinks forever. "You could have this to get your foot in the door with publishing, make some connections, and then possibly have a better chance when you finish a book."<p>

"Yeah, that would probably be good." Now that she had her Master's, she figured that she needed to do something with it. She'd put off doing anything of value for most of her twenties thus far. It was time for her to do something with her life, and writing was what she loved to do. She'd lost that for a bit, but she was focused on that again. She had a story to tell. For a girl who had had as much sadness and upset in her life as she had, surely she could come up with something that someone would want to read. She had a past and a history, and it was time to do something with it.

Maybe she could take all of this heartache and pain and channel it into something great. Maybe, with a lot of effort, she could make it all mean something, and not be for absolutely nothing. Damon had been right last night when he'd told her that she was back in New York with nothing to show for her time in Chicago. She had her degree, but what else did she really have? She had no friends. She'd been told that her characters were too raw and undeveloped. She really had made very little progress on the sadness that overwhelmed her on a daily basis. She was still stuck in limbo, and she couldn't stay here forever. If she didn't fix things, she didn't know how she'd ever survive. She needed to do something.

"Have you thought about trying to turn in articles to magazines?" Bonnie suggested, but Elena could see the question was leading somewhere.

"Isn't that more of a journalist thing?" She'd had to take a class about writing for mass media, but it wasn't where her knowledge really was. She knew how to write fiction.

"If you want to be a reporter, yeah, but think about all those people that have blogs. Most of them don't have a fancy journalism degree hanging on their walls. I don't think people care that much about who is writing the things they read. I think people just want to read things they can relate to."

"And I'm someone that people can relate to?" Her, the girl who cheated on her boyfriend of four years and fell into a relationship with a recently divorced guy after she wound up accidentally pregnant at 22? Her, who then abandoned said guy with absolutely no warning, and set out on a path to destroy her life? How could anyone relate to anything she had to say?

"I think so. You're a girl who's made mistakes and is in the process of trying to fix them. People love a good comeback story."

"Doesn't my comeback, as you call it, require something other than hatred from Damon? I can't really fix all my mistakes if he never stops hating me." And there was no doubt that he _hated _her.

Finding out about Caroline's pregnancy last night had been more than unexpected. One minute she'd been having a nice conversation with her, happy that something felt good, and then Damon was turning her world upside down. He'd looked at her with such contempt as he gleefully informed her of Caroline's pregnancy, and it had taken her down at the knees. Her response hadn't been the best, and she'd ended up locked in the bathroom, frantically trying to pull herself together and continue on, but it had been too hard.

It had thrown her for such a loop; she hadn't known how to respond. Caroline felt horrible, and she hated that her friend felt that way. She shouldn't have had her pregnancy revealed in such a horrible way, but Damon hadn't cared about her choices, he'd been far too consumed with his anger for Elena. He wanted to hurt her and he was going to take any chance she got. Caroline being pregnant was the perfect one. What better way to cause her immeasurable amounts of pain than by reminding her of the most devastating time of her life? It had more than done the trick. Even if he hadn't found her in the bar last night, she still would have spent hours crying herself to sleep. However, due to their painful confrontation that seemed to go on forever, sleep never even came. She cried for hours until the sun finally began to peer through her window.

She didn't know how she had enough tears to cry for so long, but they had just kept on coming. He'd taken everything she already knew about herself and thrown it in her face in the coldest way possible. He sought out her weaknesses and honed in on them, taking great pride in the tears and defeat he'd received in return. In fact, the only time she gained any type of upper hand was when she revealed her knowledge of his relationship with Katherine. He'd seemed surprised and almost reproachful for a full five seconds before the wall went back up, and he took control again. She almost couldn't believe what she'd revealed to him, about sleeping with Justin and him throwing her out. Damon seemed confused about that for a few moments, but she was too tired at that point to really question it.

And then there was the baby. That had been her real breaking point that night. Having him so casually discuss Caroline, like it didn't faze him for a second that she was pregnant, hurt. She understood that he wanted to hurt her. She wanted to hurt herself too. What she couldn't get, and what haunted her for the rest of the night was his indifference to all of it. Was he over it? Had he forgotten the fear and utter desolation that had held them both captive that fateful night? Did he not care? Was that how he was able to use it against her?

That would only lead to more tears, because it broke her heart to know that he might not care anymore. Their child had somehow transformed from a birth control mistake to something real and possible. He'd been with her when they saw the baby for the first time. She'd seen the relief and elation that had spread across his face when the doctor showed them their child. She'd felt the joy bursting from his body as he'd hugged her when they were finally alone in that sterile room. She'd reveled in the need to never let her go when he held her that night, his hand safely resting atop her stomach. He'd cared. She knew that he had. So how did it mean so little now? How did it not matter?

"Hey, what's wrong?" Bonnie questioned, a worried look on her face.

Elena realized then that she had tears in her eyes as she recalled everything that had happened last night. She shook her head and tried to ease Bonnie's worry as she said, "Nothing, I just got caught up in a few things in my head."

"Elena, you're going to be fine," Bonnie insisted. "Damon can't stay mad at you forever."

"It's Damon. If there's anyone that can hold a grudge against me until the day he dies, it's him."

"You're making a big deal out of things that you shouldn't worry about. I've seen how different things are since you've been home. I know you're trying, and that is going to make a world of difference. That was what we wanted for you back then, and it's what we still want now."

"But last night," she whispered. "You didn't see the look on his face, Bonnie. He smiled at me when he said it. He smiled."

"I know, honey."

"I understand that he's mad, but I don't get why he had to go there." It hurt more than she thought possible to think of how he'd so thoughtlessly used their child to inflict so much pain on her.

"You had to expect that he was going to play dirty. It's Damon; he's not fair. You just have to block it out," she advised.

"I can't. I deserve it."

Bonnie fiercely shook her head. "Not like that, you don't. If he wants to make a few snide comments here and there, that's one thing, but that's too much."

"You're biased."

"Well, duh," she deadpanned. "I know things have changed in two years, but nothing could make me play on Damon's team. Caroline may like him now, but that's never going to be me."

Elena sighed, somewhat content in the knowledge that she'd always have one person firmly in her corner. "I love you, Bonnie."

Bonnie smiled and leaned over to hug her. "I love you too. Always will." She pulled away and looked down at her watch. "I should go. Don't you need to go to Caroline's anyway?"

"Yeah," Elena agreed. "I told her I'd come a little after lunch."

She called Caroline early this morning to ask if she could come over for them to talk. She'd briefly talked with Caroline last night when she was in the bathroom, and told her that she was happy for her, but she hadn't gotten to really convey that to her friend. Although it stung and brought up rough memories; she was happy for Caroline. All she'd ever wanted was to be married and have kids. It had even worried Elena before she'd met Stefan. She'd been scared that Caroline would end up with the first boy in Mystic Falls to tell her he loved her, and that would be that. Once she came to NYU and met Stefan, Elena's fears were silenced. There was no better partner for her, and they'd make great parents.

"Okay, well I'll head on out, but think about what I said, and look at those jobs we found." After she stood up and retrieved her purse she turned to give Elena a pointed look. "I didn't spend all day looking at job listings for nothing."

Elena chuckled. "I'll send in my resume tomorrow."

"Good."

Elena stood and let Bonnie out of her small apartment before setting her sights on getting ready. Now that she'd had a nice morning with Bonnie, she certainly needed at least an hour with her other best friend. Now that she was back, she didn't know how she'd survived two years without having them in the same city as her. Actually, she did; she barely survived. It felt nice to be close to them again, and be able to spend the day with them just because she wanted to. She'd missed this.

However, she also understood that her conversation with Caroline wouldn't necessarily be easy today. No matter how happy she was for her friend, she knew that it would still bring up some painful memories. She wouldn't let Caroline have any knowledge of that. No, she'd save that for when she was safely home. She owed it to Caroline to show her full support and happiness over her pregnancy. Which was why she would also not be going empty handed. The gift wasn't much, but she hoped that Caroline would appreciate it.

Her nerves were starting to get to her by the time she got to Caroline's, but she was determined to do this today. She forced her nerves down, shoving them down with every ounce of strength she had. Her attention had to be on Caroline. She knew that she was happy for her best friend, and she had to make sure Caroline felt that and knew that. Her own feelings were not what mattered in these next moments; it was all about Caroline.

After she'd composed herself and given herself a small pep talk, she softly knocked on the door. She was ready for this.

Caroline pulled the door open and smiled nervously at Elena. "Hey, come in." She held the door open wider for Elena to fully enter. Once she was inside and the door was shut, she looked at her. "I'm glad you called."

"I thought we needed to talk."

"Here, let's go sit down." She grabbed Elena's hand and pulled her to the living room, where she directed them to the large sectional and sat down. She squeezed Elena's hand when they sat down and said, "Before we start, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you, but things were so busy with the move. I didn't want to tell you something like this and not be able to talk to you about it. I wasn't trying to keep it from you. I was just waiting for the right time. After your miscarriage, I knew that this would affect you differently than me telling Bonnie or my parents. I was trying to find the best way and—"

"Stop." Elena held up her free hand to silence Caroline's rapid-fire speech, to which the blonde immediately snapped her mouth shut. "You don't have anything to apologize for. This is your pregnancy and you can tell me, or anyone you want, whenever you want, however you want. You didn't do anything wrong. I want to make sure you understand that before we go on. So, is that understood?" she questioned pointedly.

Caroline tearfully nodded her head. "Understood."

"Good," she smiled. "Cause now I can tell you that I am _so_ happy for you. I'm not upset or sad. I'm just happy. You deserve this, and you don't have to answer to me about any of it. This is your time, not mine. I don't want you to feel like you can't be excited around me or talk about the baby, because you can. I want to know everything. Even though I made a lot of mistakes these past two years, you're still my best friend, and I couldn't be happier for you."

"You really mean it?" Caroline sniffled.

Elena looked her friend directly in the eye, unflinchingly strong as she promised, "With every fiber of my being."

Caroline breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Her shoulders fell forward and her head fell a few inches as the tension poured from her. "Thank god." She launched herself forward and threw her arms around Elena's neck. "I was so worried."

"I know, but there's nothing to be worried about anymore," Elena assured her. "You're going to be a mommy!"

"I'm gonna be a mom!" she said, her voice brimming with happiness. "Oh god, you do not know how much I've wanted to say this to you," Caroline told her when they finally pulled away from each other. "I hated you not knowing."

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me." And she meant it. She meant every word. She was happy for Caroline. She and Stefan were madly in love, and had been married for almost three years now; this was the obvious next step for them. They were far more prepared to have a baby together than she and Damon were. She would be the worst person in the world if she weren't happy for them.

Caroline pulled away and wiped at the stray tears on her cheeks. "It wasn't that I felt like I couldn't tell you. I just didn't know how."

"Well," Elena grabbed both of Caroline's hands in hers and smiled, "Now that I know, you can tell me everything. I want to know it all. Were you trying? Was it a surprise? How far along are you? When are you due? I want to know everything."

This was all the encouragement the blonde needed to dive straight into anything and everything that had to do with her pregnancy. "We were trying, but not actively. I was off the pill, so we were just hoping it would happen. It was still a surprise, though. Stefan knew I was pregnant before I did. We actually made a bet about the pregnancy test," she giggled and happily rolled her eyes. "Obviously, I lost, but I'm okay with losing this bet. I'm ten weeks, and they say I'm due February 19. Oh my god!" She jumped up and ran into her bedroom, leaving Elena confused on the couch. Did Caroline have pregnancy brain already? Moments later, she came running back into the living room, waving something in her hands. "Ultrasound pictures!" She plopped back down on the couch and held them out for Elena. "We got them done two weeks ago."

Tears flooded Elena's eyes as she looked down at the ultrasound photos in her hand with a little bubble that was supposed to be coming from the baby saying _Hi mom and dad._ "This is too cute," Elena whispered. "Did they let you hear the heartbeat?"

Caroline's face exploded with joy. "Yes! It was—I have no words for how great it was. It wasn't real until then. It was like I _knew_ I was pregnant, but I didn't really _feel_ it. Suddenly, it was there in front of me. I'm going to have a baby!"

Elena excitedly nodded. "You are!"

"Oh my god! I'm going to have a baby!" Caroline buried her fingers in her hair as an almost panicked look flashed across her features. "Holy shit, I'm going to have a baby! I don't know how to be a mom. What if it's a boy? I don't know what to do with a boy. He'll pee on me and want to play in the dirt. Where are all my pretty clothes going to go when I die? A boy won't want them! Oh my god, I'm going to be a horrible mom! I shouldn't care if it's a boy or a girl. I can't be a mom! Oh my god!" Caroline was crying now, choking her words out in between tears. "It's going to grow up hating me and spend twenty years in therapy with mommy issues, then keep my skeleton in his house after he kills me."

Elena had to work hard to contain her laughter as she watched Caroline breakdown over the sudden realization of what would happen after the baby was born. Her fears were completely unfounded and ridiculous. The belief that she'd have a kid that would go all Norman Bates on her was something only Caroline could come up with and believe. However, she kept the laughter bottled inside because she remembered having those fears too. She had been scared to death when she was pregnant. Sometimes it still felt like it was yesterday that she was in her kitchen in Mystic Falls, crying in Jenna's arms about not knowing how to be a mom.

"Hey, look at me." Elena pressed her fingers beneath Caroline's chin and lifted her face up so she could see her shining blue eyes. "It is perfectly natural to be scared. I was petrified when I was pregnant, and I'll tell you what Aunt Jenna told me. Nobody really knows how to be a mom, but you figure it out as you go. I happen to know that you will do more than just figure it out. You'll be awesome, whether it's a boy or a girl. I've known you for my entire life, and I have no doubt that you will be the best mom I've ever known. Your heart is so big and filled with so much love, that you couldn't be anything less."

Caroline's shoulders shook softly, but her cries had quieted. "You really think that?"

"I know it." She placed her hands on the side of Caroline's head and leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. It had been their _thing_ since they were little kids. It all began when Caroline insisted that no lies could be told when you had no place to look but the other person's eyes, and somehow it had stuck. For every big promise they'd ever made, they did this, and today would be no different. "You are going to be amazing."

Caroline nodded her head and tried to regain some of her composure. "Thank you," she whispered. She leaned back and wiped at the tears on her face. "I don't know where that came from. I'm happy about this, I swear."

"It happened to me too," Elena tried to reassure her. "It took me a while to really be happy, but I was still scared then. It's a scary thing."

"It is," Caroline agreed. "Not that you'd know any of that by talking to Stefan. I should have known what I was getting myself into when I married a literature freak. He's started pulling out all of his favorite books to pick out names. He makes us sit down and add new names to the list every night!"

"But that's cute!"

"He made me put Heathcliff on the list!" she explained. "I can't name my child Heathcliff!"

This time, Elena failed at holding back her laughter, and it came tumbling past her lips. "I can't believe you married a guy that admits he's read _Wuthering Heights_."

It had always been like pulling teeth to get Damon to talk about books that he'd read and liked. He read plenty, from presidential biographies to classic literature, but he never wanted to talk about it. It probably had something to do with not wanting to tarnish his reputation he'd built for himself, but it was funny. Stefan, however, the literary novice that he was, could go on about one single book for hours. He loved literature and had no qualms about discussing it. This would probably explain how he'd wound up getting his doctorate in comparative literature, while his brother had gone into the family business with little resistance.

The brothers were as different as different could be some days, but they loved each other. No one could ever deny the fact that Damon and Stefan regarded each other in the highest regard. They were staunchly protective of each other, unwilling to allow any harm to come to the other without making an intervention. Though their methods differed, the desired goal was the same: protect each other at all costs.

"I certainly found the most unique fish that there is in the sea," Caroline beamed with joy over her statement. "Even if he does make me scratch my head from time to time."

"Oh, speaking of books." Elena jumped from the couch and ran to grab her purse from where she'd left it by the front door. "I brought you a few." She smiled in giddy excitement as she returned next to Caroline on the couch and pulled a stack of books from her purse. "I figured you might be in need of these." She held them out in front of Caroline, who stared at them wordlessly. "For some reason, I never got rid of them. So, they're yours."

Caroline began shaking her head. "Elena, I can't."

"You can and you will." She placed them onto her lap and left them there. "They've been collecting dust for the past two and a half years. Someone needs to put them to use."

She'd bought the books that fateful day in the bookstore; the day she had the miscarriage scare. It had been the wakeup call about her pregnancy that knocked some of the fear out of her. She'd never forget the feeling she had when she saw her child for the first time on that screen, and how relieved she'd been to know that everything was okay. As it would turn out, nothing was okay and she'd never have the chance to meet her child, but her books could go to someone that would get to do that.

"I don't know what to say."

"Say thank you and accept your damn books. Although, technically one of them is for Stefan, but same difference."

"Why are you giving them to me? You kept them for a reason."

Elena shrugged, unsure of what to say. She didn't even fully understand why she'd kept them for this long. After she lost the baby, she put them in a box to be forgotten about, and she didn't see them until that box showed up in Chicago from Caroline. They stayed in the box for a month before she pulled them out. Maybe it was out of sheer insanity or some need to torture herself, but she pulled them out read them. Then, she bought more pregnancy books to bury herself in. She poured over the sections dedicated to the first trimester, comparing everything to her pregnancy, wondering if there had been a sign that she didn't catch. She was searching for an answer that she knew she'd never get, but she still kept them.

Now that Caroline was pregnant and could use them for something other than self-destruction, she decided it was time to part with them. She didn't know where she would turn on those days when she wanted answers and explanations, but it was time to let go of something.

"I do not need them," she finally said. "And at this rate, I never will. You do. You can enjoy them and see what matches up with your pregnancy, and realizing you're not just imagining things that you think have to do with being pregnant."

"You'll need them one day," Caroline promised with a small smile. "And when that day comes, I will return them to you. Provided you're not forty and they're completely ancient by then."

She snorted in laughter and playfully hit Caroline's shoulder. "Thanks a lot, _Mom_."

"Yeah, let's try and stay away from that word for a little bit. We don't need anymore panic attacks from me."

"Dually noted."

Elena heard the front door open and she went still at the sound of Stefan's voice. "Hey, babe, I'm home." He dropped his gym bag when he came into the living room, but then halted when he looked up and saw her on the couch, but then he looked to his wife and his face filled with worry. "What's wrong? Have you been crying?"

He looked back to Elena, a cold look on his face, but before he could speak, Caroline quickly jumped in. "I just had a momentary freak out, but that's all over." She bounced over to Stefan, books held out in front of her. "Look what Elena brought me. Well, us I guess, because one of them is for you, but they're mostly for me. Since, you know, I'm the one that's pregnant and all."

"Obviously." Stefan smiled affectionately at her, but then turned uncomfortable eyes to her. "Thanks for the books, Elena."

"It's no problem. Really."

"Okay, well," he motioned awkwardly toward the hallway, "I'm going to go take a shower now."

"But you know how much I like it when you're all sweaty," Caroline whispered seductively, leaning up to place a kiss against his lips. "Everything glistens."

"I know," he acknowledged, "But Damon is going to be here soon, and he'll whine like a five-year-old if I'm sweaty."

"Oh," Caroline retrieved the books from Stefan and nervously shook her head. "Yeah, um, shower. Okay." She watched him retreat to their bedroom and close the door before she turned back to Elena. "I'm sorry about that. He's just—he's," she struggled to find the right words that would convey what she was trying to say or make things sound better than they really were, but Elena didn't need to hear any lies to make her feel like she wasn't such an outcast.

"It's okay, I get it. He's Damon's brother."

"Just give it some time."

Elena nodded, but as Stefan's words sounded again in her head, she knew that she should make herself scarce before Damon got here. After their encounter last night, she was not prepared for another round. She needed a few more days – or months – before she'd be able to emotionally handle another verbal beatdown from him. It had been warranted. He certainly was well within his right to call her every name in the book and yell at her for as long as he physically could. In some way, she even believed the reveal of Caroline's pregnancy. Even though it had been specifically orchestrated to deliver a devastating blow to her, didn't he reserve that right?

She'd struggled with that after she ran from him in tears last night. A part of her felt that she'd never do anything horrible enough to warrant such cruelty and such a desire to inflict so much pain on her. Then there was another part that told her she deserved everything he did to her and more. She wasn't lying when she told him she was a crappy person. She was. Everything he'd told her last night had been true. She was selfish. She was a liar. She didn't deserve anything good. Every last bit of it was true, and she couldn't deny him that chance to rub it all in her face. It hurt like hell and would still continue to hurt, but she deserved it.

"I should probably go," she told Caroline after a few strained moments.

She could see the internal battle going on inside her friend's brain, torn between telling Elena she could stay or acknowledging that it would be best if she left. Unfortunately, Caroline was stuck right in the middle of everything with her and Damon. To an extent Stefan was as well, but since he was Damon's brother, there really wasn't much to be stuck between. Caroline, however, had allegiances to both, and it would appear that she would remain frozen between the two for the foreseeable future.

"I'm sorry," Caroline found herself repeating again, but they both knew the words would solve nothing. "We'll figure something out, okay? Damon is just going to have to suck it up, and act like an adult for once in his life. He's Stefan's brother and you're my best friend. The two of you can't avoid each other forever. He just has to deal."

"He's mad, I get it. I'd hate me too if I were him. If us not being in the same room together is what it takes to make things easier for you, then that's what will happen. You were engaged to Stefan before I ever even met him. We somehow managed that without even trying. This will be fine."

"But it shouldn't have to be like this," Caroline whined. "Everyone just needs to shut up and do what I tell them to."

Elena smiled lightly at the blonde. "The world would certainly be a much better place if we all listened to you." She certainly knew her world would be better. If she'd simply listened to Caroline's advice – hell anyone's – she wouldn't be in this place right now. Nobody would be in this place right now. She'd screwed a lot of things up for a lot of people when she left. It hadn't been quite so clear when she was in Chicago, but it was perfectly clear now. Everyone had to change how they interacted with her and around her. Schedules would have to be carefully planned and poured over to prevent any big disasters. Nothing really got to be easy anymore because of one epically bad decision she made.

"Well, I'll call you tomorrow," Caroline offered. "We can make plans for lunch with Bonnie. I think we could all use a good, old-fashioned girls day."

"That would be perfect." She retrieved her purse and walked to the front door.

"Elena," Caroline called out to her quietly. "Thank you," she looked at the books and gave a flustered shake of her head, "For the books. Just, thank you. It means a lot." She knew there was another message hidden beneath her words, and she felt horrible that it even needed to be there. Caroline was really thanking her for not being upset about the pregnancy. She was just thanking her for being a friend, something she hadn't been in too long.

But, with Damon probably getting closer by the moment, she knew her time was running out and now was not the time for this conversation. So, she settled for, "You're welcome. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Bye, Elena." She waved and watched with a small air of sadness as Elena smiled and exited the penthouse.

Once the door was shut, she heaved a heavy sigh of relief, collapsing against the wall. She allowed herself a few moments to try and release some of the sadness that had begun to grow in her, and finally let a few traitorous tears slip from her eyes. No matter how happy she was for Caroline, and she was ecstatic, there were still other emotions swirling within her. She had known coming home would be a hard task, but falling directly into this was making it physically and mentally exhausting. Knowing Caroline was pregnant brought up several memories better left in the recesses of her mind.

Watching Caroline cry on the couch over her fears of being a mother, now made Elena feel like she hadn't been as abnormal as she believed. Maybe she hadn't been that far off the mark in her fears about being a mother. If Caroline, who had everything together, was having those fears, did that mean that she could have had a shot at being a decent mother too? Those thoughts were definitely ones that would not lead her mind to any good place. If she allowed herself to travel down that path, it wouldn't take her to anything but pain.

She would be dealing with enough of that tonight. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that the conversation with Caroline and the residual effects leftover from her confrontation with Damon would grant her peace tonight. No, she would spend her evening buried in her apartment, trying to pick through the minefield of her brain to make it to the next day without setting off a whole new wave of problems.

Feeling a familiar presence and a heavy gaze on her, she froze and her heart sank to the floor. She didn't need to open her eyes to know she was no longer alone in the hallway. Nor did she need to open them to find out who her companion was.

"This is unexpected." His voice only confirmed what did not need confirming and her exhaustion turned to pure dread.

"Don't worry, I'm leaving." With all the strength she had, she pushed herself from the wall and turned to face him. "You won't have to deal with me."

She could see his eyes taking in the state of her face and she knew how pathetic she must look. Self-conscious, she brushed her hands down her cheeks, trying to erase some of the signs of the mini crying jag she'd just allowed herself to have, that she really shouldn't have.

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume I'm walking toward the firing squad in there," he said accusingly.

Tired, she sighed and shook her head. "For what you did at the party? Maybe, I don't know. For anything else? No, they don't know anything. Your suit will live to see another day."

He seemed shocked at her answer. "You mean you didn't tell her?"

"Tell her what, Damon? The truth? Everything you said last night was true. There was nothing to share."

"Well, yeah but –" he stammered. He looked as if he didn't know what to do with this information. He'd obviously been expecting for her to run and tell Caroline all the things he'd said last night, but she hadn't mentioned a word. She'd put Caroline in the middle enough, and she didn't want to do that anymore. This was between her and Damon.

"But what?" she asked, exasperated by the conversation already. What was he after today? "Did you want me to tell Caroline?"

"Well, no," he got out, still lost for many words, but then he shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what I thought."

"They don't need to know. Caroline and your brother don't need to be involved in this whole thing. So, feel safe in the knowledge that you can say whatever you want without getting the wrath of Caroline."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, all shock and confusion now gone. "A hissy fit from Caroline does not scare me. If I want to say something to you, I'll say it. I don't care who gets mad."

Tired and ready to go home, she shrugged her shoulders, "Do whatever you want. I'm gonna go home. Have a nice night, Damon."

She tried to pull herself together and pass him on shaky legs, but his arm shot out and caught her before she could make a safe exit. She flinched at the contact, scared for what Damon might have in store for her now. She'd just drained a week's worth of energy with Caroline. She needed time before he started in on her again.

When he noticed that she was tense in his grasp, he dropped her arm like she'd shocked him. Nervous, he shuffled away from her. "Elena, I," she could see the words hanging from the tip of his tongue, ready to fall and light whatever bomb he was aiming for this time, but he couldn't seem to force himself to say anything, no matter how hard he tried.

"I know," she assured him quietly. "I know." She adjusted her purse on her shoulder and strode down the hallway, willing herself to not turn around. If she looked at him again, she'd have so much she wanted to say, so much he didn't want to hear. He didn't want to listen to anything she had to say to him. Her apologies weren't going to mean anything. How sincere she was wouldn't matter. So, she forced her eyes to stay focused straight ahead and to keep moving one foot in front of the other. She'd only ever have one chance to lay it all out on the table for him, and today wasn't going to be that day.


	26. Dog Days Are Over

Author's Note: I was starting to think I wasn't going to get this chapter out before I went to the gym again and I really freaking wanted to. It's back to my normal length and in Damon's POV. It was a hard one to write, I've changed everything a million times. It was just hard to get the flow right. I hope you all like it. Thank you to all of the awesome reviews that I'm getting. I'm getting so many long, passionate ones and it just means so much to me that so many of you have gotten so involved in this story. I only hope that I can continue to bring you all a good story. Enjoy!

**Chapter 25**

**Leave all your love and longing behind you  
>Can't carry it with you if you want to survive <strong>

Damon slowly stood up and stared across the room at his brother. "You're treading on very thin ice right now, Stefan. I'd watch my step if I were you."

"Why?" Stefan challenged. "Can't handle the truth?"

"Oh, I can handle it," he scoffed, "But what you're spouting is complete crap. _Own that_."

Stefan mockingly laughed. "There's nothing to own. I'm just being honest."

"You know what? Screw this. I'm walking to the church. If you can't support my decision, don't bother showing up." He didn't have to sit around and listen to these insults from his brother anymore. Andie was his choice. She was the woman he was going to marry, and he didn't want to listen to Stefan's opinions anymore.

"For someone who made it their mission to go after Elena for running away, you seem to have done a lot of it yourself this past year!" Stefan called after him. "Can you even remember the last conversation you didn't walk out on because you didn't want to deal with it anymore?"

Even though he had one foot out of the door, he turned and slammed it loudly behind him. "I don't run away. I just don't have the desire to listen to a bunch of meaningless crap. So, when what you're running off at the mouth about is a bunch of made up stuff, yeah, I'm gonna leave."

"Damon!" All heads in the room snapped to the attention of the hissing blonde in the hallway. "You wake Sawyer up and I will beat you with my shoe."

Feeling remorseful, he solemnly apologized. "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes and looked to her husband. "Stefan, we all know you mean well, but I think we've heard enough of your opinions for the moment, so maybe keep it to yourself for a little bit. Damon, come with me." She gave him a pointed gaze then turned on her heel, and walked back to the bedroom. She stopped inside the bedroom and held the door open for him until he slowly followed her in. Once he was inside, she softly closed the door and stepped toward him. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Seeing her standing in front of him, he had a moment to take in the subtle puffiness of her eyes, and the redness of her eyes. "Have you been crying?" he asked her with worry evident in his voice.

"I have a son that's spent most of his day crying, it's only natural for me to do a little crying with him. Moms get upset when we can't figure out what's wrong with our child," she explained, but he had strong doubts about the honesty of her statement. He could see that something else was wrong, and it didn't have anything to do with Sawyer.

"Want to try that again?"

"I don't know where my best friend is. I might be a little scared, okay?" She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

Slightly annoyed with himself for even thinking of offering what he was about to offer, he ran a frustrated hand over his face. He could give Caroline the answer she wanted before his wedding even happened. He didn't want to know where Elena was, but he also didn't want to leave his sister-in-law to spend the rest of the day in a worried panic over her either. So, he reluctantly offered, "I can have her phone traced."

Her head shot up in surprise and he could see a ray of relief blossom in her eyes. Only a moment later, the look faded and she shook her head. "No, I can't do that to her. She'll tell me when she wants me to know."

"Have you talked to her?" He didn't know why he was asking. Did he even really want to know? He'd sent her away for a reason. So he quickly retracted his question. "Nevermind, I don't want to know."

"It's okay to wonder," she whispered. "It doesn't have to change anything."

"It changes everything." He couldn't think about Elena or how she was doing. There was no room in his head for any of those thoughts. There hadn't been for the past year. It was why he'd worked so hard to keep her at such a distance. He'd known this would happen. He'd wanted the anger – needed it. Because if he didn't have that burning fury inside of him, then he had these moments of worry. He couldn't worry or care. It was too exhausting and daunting. There had been more moments of weakness than he'd care to admit this past year. She confused him and was always throwing him off balance, never content to let things remain in the past. That wasn't something he could afford today. Andie had to be his focus.

* * *

><p>Damon sighed as he unwrapped another plate from newspaper before setting it gently on the counter. This was the fourth china pattern that he had found in Caroline and Stefan's boxes since he'd started helping them unpack two weeks ago. Did they not believe in throwing out anything that they'd received as a wedding gift?<p>

Even though they had the housewarming party two weeks ago, there was still a lot that needed to be unpacked. They'd unpacked just enough to make the living room and dining room look halfway complete for the party, but had slowly been unpacking the rest since then. Between Stefan and Caroline's schedule, and her nighttime "morning" sickness, unpacking was taking forever. Hence why he had been roped into helping them during his spare time.

"I don't think I've ever heard you quite so quiet." Caroline's voice pulled his attention away from the current plate in his hand. She entered the kitchen, carrying a box that he was assuming contained even more kitchen items.

He rushed around the counter to grab the hefty box from her. "Will you put that down before Stefan comes in and bites my head off for letting you carry heavy objects?"

"I expect this from Stefan, but not from you," was Caroline's swift response. "I'm not an invalid."

"Yeah, well, I'm not in the mood for a lecture. Just tell me next time you have a heavy box that you need to be moved."

"Fine," she agreed with a small groan.

"Oh knock it off, you love it." After he set the box down on the floor for her, he returned to the counter and retrieved a plate from the box he was currently unpacking.

He looked up to see a small smile spread across Caroline's face. "Just don't tell Stefan."

"Yeah, cause he doesn't know what you're like _at all_. You two have to be the most disgustingly codependent couple I've ever seen in my life."

"Don't be an ass," she chided him as she moved behind him to grab a plate and help him unpack the remaining dishes. "And just because Stefan and I actually like to have conversations it doesn't mean that we're codependent."

"I have conversations with Andie," he immediately shot down her subtle stab at his relationship with Andie.

"Saying each other's names during sex doesn't count."

He cringed and visibly shuddered at his sister-in-law's words. "Please never discuss my sex life again."

"And stop acting like you've never had a real relationship before. I remember you and Elena being pretty codependent once upon a time."

He dropped the plate roughly onto the counter, making Caroline gasp in horror. "I'm not obligated to help you unpack your crap. You better watch your mouth."

Caroline, as always, was not deterred by his threat and pushed ahead. "It's not like you can avoid her, Damon. She's not halfway across the country anymore. She's here."

"New York is a big city; I can avoid her just fine."

"She's my best friend," she pointed out.

He rolled his eyes at the reminder of the bond between Caroline and Elena. "Yeah, some best friend," he scoffed. "How many times did she come see you in the past two years, Caroline?" When she didn't say anything he continued on. "That's what I thought. Elena's only best friend is herself. She didn't just leave me when she moved, she left you too."

"She was going through a lot." No matter what Elena had done over the past two years, Caroline always defended her. She could concede that Elena's decision was not wise, but she stuck up for her no matter what. He was almost beginning to understand why people found his relationship with Stefan so annoying sometimes.

"So was I, but I didn't go running off to the other side of the country."

"No, you just dragged your brother out of bed multiple times a week to come carry your ass out of a bar."

He flinched at the reminder of those rough months after Elena left. He had been a mess, on a downward spiral that nobody had been able to stop, leaving his brother and Caroline to get caught up in it on a regular basis. For longer than he would care to admit, he probably spent more time at Stefan and Caroline's place than his own. It had become such a frequent occurrence that it became more of a shock to wake up in his own bed.

"I know," he admitted softly, and he could see Caroline immediately deflate. "Stefan did a lot more than he had to for me," he paused and looked over at her. "You both did." Even though her friendship and loyalty to Elena might get on his nerves on occasion, he couldn't deny the support she'd also given to him over the years.

Her eyes stayed locked on his for a few moments and he could see the beginning of tears forming in her blue gaze, but she quickly blinked it away. She pushed the bittersweet feelings aside and shrugged her shoulders casually. "Yeah, well you're my brother."

"Aw," he sniffled and pulled her toward him, "You're gonna make me cry."

"Ugh!" Caroline groaned and fought to escape his grasp, but he held tight, laughing as she continued to wiggle. "You're such an asshole, Damon Salvatore."

"I'm your brother. You love me!" He playfully ruffled her hair, which gave her enough room to punch him in the stomach and dart away. "I just wanted a hug."

Caroline ran to the other side of the island, placing a barrier between them so he could not get to her. "I can't believe I tried to have a nice moment with you."

"And what a nice moment it was," he told her as he rounded the island. "Come on, bring it in for another hug, Blondie."

"I don't want to hug you!" She skirted out of his reach and fled the kitchen. "You made fun of me when I was trying to be nice."

"But it's what we do!" he called after her, running into the living room to find her standing in front of the television.

"You don't make fun of a hormonal, pregnant woman, Damon! You are cruel and mean!"

"Caroline," he lowered his voice to a charming drawl, "You love it when we pick on each other. It's our special thing."

"No," she growled, "You need to be nice to me. I'm pregnant!" She snatched a book off the coffee table and held it high above her head. "Don't come any closer. I'll throw it."

"You'd never risk marring my perfect features." He smirked and stepped toward her. She reared her arm back and lobbed the book at him, however due to her poor throwing skills, it hit the ground before it ever reached him. "You have an arm like a girl," he teased. He bent down to pick the book up, but froze when he saw what it was. Something cold swept down his spine as he picked it up, memories coming back of the day Elena had given him the book. "When did you get this?" he questioned, his voice now quiet and distant.

Caroline's eyes widened in fear when she saw the book in his hands. She shook her head, stumbling with the words she needed to come out of her mouth. "I," she swallowed thickly, "Elena gave them to me."

The book felt heavy in Damon's hand as he stared down at it. "Oh." Elena had still been scared and apprehensive of the pregnancy when she'd given him the book. While he had adjusted to her pregnancy with relative ease, she hadn't been as lucky. Most times she had seemed almost angry at her situation, unable to accept how she'd really ended up in that position. Then she bought the books and they had the scare with her bleeding and it all changed. She opened up and began to come to terms with everything. She was happy and excited. She wasn't afraid to plan anything anymore or discuss the baby. Every night that she didn't work, she'd curl up in their bed and read the books she'd bought. Then, she lost the baby and the books disappeared. He'd thought they were just gone. "I didn't know she kept them."

"I…yeah," she mumbled.

He cleared his throat and dropped the book on the couch. "I should get back to unpacking. At this rate, I'll still be helping you in a month." He turned and retreated back into the kitchen, leaving a flustered Caroline in the living room. Seeing the book and holding it in his hands had brought up things better left in his memory.

Having Elena back in New York at the same time that Caroline was pregnant was a curse as much as it was a blessing. In some ways, it gave him a chance to inflict pain upon her in a way he'd never get to otherwise. In others, it was like ripping the Band-Aid off of a two-day old wound that has only just begun to heal, but then becomes infected from the exposure to the toxins around it. That's what she was, infectious. One encounter with her forced all emotions not fit for his head into this wound and spread them through his body. It was painful and annoying and downright untimely.

God, she just ruined everything. She messed up the fun moment he was having with Caroline even though she wasn't physically here. She messed up the easy relationship he'd built with Andie by breezing back into town like nothing had changed. She even messed up him telling her that Caroline was pregnant. Running into her in the hallway last week had thrown him for a loop. He'd rounded the corner, prepared for an evening with his brother, only to find her crying. No matter how much he hated it, the sight did something to him. She looked beaten down and alone. And as she'd tearfully told him that she hadn't told Caroline about what he'd said to her, he knew that the look on her face was because of him.

It should have made him feel proud. That was what he wanted, right? He wanted her to be in pain. He wanted her to know what it felt like to have her heart ripped out with no warning and no remorse. He wanted her to feel what he felt. Seeing her so lost and sad forced the wheels in his head into motion. That was when he started thinking about her time in Chicago, and what went through her own head. Then the regret started to seep in and that was not what he wanted. He shouldn't regret a damn thing that he said to her that night or any other thing he might say to her in the future. She didn't deserve anything from him, and he shouldn't feel bad about that.

So why did he?

"Hey, need some help?" Stefan entered the kitchen, no doubt sent in after Caroline ran to tell him what had just happened.

Damon didn't look up from breaking down the box he'd just emptied. "Please tell me I didn't make her cry."

Stefan smiled good-naturedly and shrugged his shoulders. "It's Caroline. That silly animal abuse commercial with the depressing music turns her into a sobbing mess now. I had to talk her out of adopting a dog last night."

There was nothing remotely surprising about hearing that Caroline had become a hormonal nut since getting pregnant. She was emotional on a good day, there was no telling how crazy she was going to become as her pregnancy went along. It was sure to prove for an interesting few months.

"Do I need to go apologize?" He hadn't meant to make her cry. He just didn't know what to say. The book had been a surprise, a reminder of the best and then worst time of his life. It took him to a bad place in his mind that he rarely allowed his brain to go.

Stefan came over to the island and pulled out the bar stool to take a seat. "Are you upset that Elena gave us the books?"

"No," he shook his head, "I was just surprised to see it. That's all."

"I know the book you saw was yours. You can have it back," he offered. "I'm sure Caroline is going to drown me in enough pregnancy books to give my classic literature collection a run for its money."

"Keep the book. You need it far more than I do or ever will." He wasn't naïve enough to believe that he'd ever go down the path of being a parent. He'd wanted to take a shot at it with Katherine, but once she found out she'd never biologically have children, she took any chance away from them of having children. By pure chance, he'd wound up on that path with Elena and embraced it, letting himself believe for just a moment that he could be a father and be good at it. The moment they were told the baby was gone, his chance to be a parent was gone with it. He'd never open himself up to that idea ever again.

Stefan wisely chose to not open the topic up for discussion and focused on his wife. "You mind telling her that? She already feels bad for accepting the books from Elena."

"She has nothing to feel bad about." If Elena wanted to give Caroline those books then she could give them to her. He didn't care. He wasn't going to read any of them.

"So go tell her," Stefan urged him. "I can't deal with many more tears from her, and I have a _really _high tolerance already. Just have some mercy on your baby brother."

"Fine," Damon groaned, "I'll go comfort your wife. Just be warned, I'm not very good with comfort beyond the sexual kind."

"You know, I kind of want you to try it," Stefan laughed. "I think I'd pay to see Caroline knee you in your groin."

"I don't know, it might make her realize what she's been missing all this time. She might finally see who the better brother is."

"I am content in my belief that Caroline will not leave me for you or any other guy out there."

"Eh," Damon rolled his eyes, "You're probably right. She's just insane enough to stay with you for the rest of her crazy, dramatic life."

Caroline and Stefan certainly had a solid marriage that Damon didn't see ever ending. They were freakishly codependent and attached to each other. There was an innate love and respect that they had, and he didn't believe anyone could tarnish it. They had the real thing in a world where so many people failed to ever find it.

"Just go make her stop crying."

Damon sighed and set off to find Caroline. She was back in her bedroom, sitting on the bed with an ultrasound photo in her hands. Her cheeks were blotchy from crying. "Come on, Blondie. You know I hate it when you cry." It was true. Even though she dissolved into tears more times than he could probably count, he still found something innately wrong in it. Someone as bubbly and perky as her should not cry. It simply wasn't natural. "Please stop."

She inhaled a shaky breath and wiped at the moisture on her face. "I know you and Elena say you're happy, but I can't help feeling bad."

Her words were like a knife to the chest. For all the grief he gave her, he really did love her like a sister. Even if he got lost in his anger with Elena sometimes, he didn't mean to cause her pain. "Caroline," he began sadly.

"You tell me you're okay, but I see the looks, Damon. I know it still hurts, and that hurts me. I don't want to cause you pain. You can have the books back. Elena was just trying to be nice. Please don't be mad at her."

"I think it's time for one of our very rare serious chats." He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. With a gentle touch, he squeezed one of her legs through the thin blanket. "You have nothing to be sorry about. What happened with Elena and me happened a long time ago. It has nothing to do with you and Stefan having a baby. This is all about you; and whatever Elena and I feel or think or have going on with us, it's on us. You don't need to be sad or feel any differently about being pregnant because of me."

"I saw your face, Damon," she cried.

"So what?" he questioned, raising his arms for effect. "I haven't seen that book in over two years. It was a surprise."

"But—"

"But nothing," he cut her off. "You need to stop worrying about me and Elena. We're going to feel how we feel. You'll only make me feel worse if you cry like this all the time. I can't have sex with you. I don't know how fix this stuff. I'm only good for conversations like this every five to ten years. You've reached your limit." He shrugged his shoulders casually. "So unless you want me to seduce you, I need you to just be happy. If I seduce you, then you'll fall in love with me, and it will be one big mess. I'll have stolen another of Stefan's girls and he'll try to beat me up, but only break his hand, because he hits like a girl. Really, it will just lead to so much trouble. So, if you want to make me feel better, I need you to be crazy, obnoxiously over-the top, Caroline about your pregnancy. I want to know so many details I contemplate stabbing my ears with an ice pick."

"You turn everything into a joke," she whined. "This isn't funny, Damon. I just want everyone to be happy, and I hate that you're all so unhappy. You and Elena can't be in the same room. She feels horrible, but she can't say it. Nobody can say anything around Andie, because you haven't told her anything. You, you're just angry at everything. I can't fix any of it because nobody listens to anything I say, because you all think I'm dramatic and overly sensitive."

"Caroline," he tried to hold his laughter in as he spoke to her, but sometimes her antics were beyond humorous, "You don't have to fix everything. You freak out because you think that you do, but you don't. We have to deal with things ourselves. _I_ have to handle things on my own. I know you wish I'd do things differently, but that's not going to happen. You need to focus on Stefan and having a baby. Everything will get fixed in its own time, whether you help us or not."

"But you all take so long!"

"Well, we're just not as smart as you, obviously."

"Duh!" She rolled her eyes, and the tension was broken. She dissolved into a fit of giggles, which was only contagious as Damon began to laugh himself. "I'm sorry," she apologized between laughter. "I think I must be having a girl, because I have to be carrying enough hormones for two girls. There's no way this is a boy."

"I hate to break it to you, Caroline, but I'm pretty sure this is all you." While it was certainly possible that she was having a girl, he believed it was more likely that these were just her normal wacky hormones with pregnancy thrown in to make them more intense.

Caroline sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "You're lucky I like you now. I wouldn't have let you get away with that three years ago."

"You would have hit me," he readily agreed.

They'd come a long way in the past few years. Once, when he thought she was little more than a shallow, spoiled blonde, who would only hurt his brother, he lived to get on her last nerve. Now, after he'd seen the affect she'd had on his brother and the love she had for him, he realized there was much more to the surface than a perky blonde with a penchant for high-pitched squealing.

"Thank you, Damon," she said quietly. "I know you don't like the whole crying female thing."

"You're certainly the only one I'd do it for." He sighed and held his hand out to her. "Come on, let me see it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she denied with a coy smile.

"We both know you went to the doctor yesterday and got new ultrasound pictures. Give it. You know you're dying to."

She smiled broadly and held the ultrasound photo out for him. "I can't believe your brother hasn't shown you. He showed it to our doorman when we got home yesterday." She twisted around on the bed so she was sitting next to him and pointed down at a small spot in the middle. "That's the baby! It has little fingernails and toenails now!"

"Who told you that? Google?" he teased her.

"Shut up, you're just jealous that you don't have adorable little baby fingers."

"Yes, Caroline, I am absolutely seething with jealousy because I don't have fingers the size of a grain of rice."

"Whatever, my baby is adorable and awesome! You'll see!"

"If it spends enough time with me, it will be," he agreed.

"Everything good in here?" Stefan stood in the doorway, taking in the scene in front of him with a small smile. "No more tears?"

"No more tears!" Caroline declared. "I'm showing Damon the ultrasound right now."

Stefan grinned broadly and crossed the room to sit down next to Caroline on the bed. He rested his head on her shoulder to stare down at the small, grainy picture. "You know it has fingernails now?"

"What?" Damon exclaimed. "No way! This is totally new information."

"Oh, shut up!" Stefan reached behind Caroline and slapped him on the head. "You're such a dick."

"You're just a bundle of new information." Damon swung his arm and returned the slap he'd received.

Before Stefan could hit Damon again, Caroline grabbed his arm and brought it in front of her. "Hands to yourself, you two."

"I think this is my cue to leave," Damon announced, rising from the bed. "Sharing a bed with the two of you is where I draw the line." He enjoyed spending time with his brother and Caroline, but this was a little too close for comfort.

"I thought you were going to have dinner with us," Caroline protested.

He had planned on having dinner with them, but after the conversation with Caroline, he realized he had something else he needed to do. Whatever was going on with him and Elena, Caroline didn't need to be involved. Obviously she was going to be around for the foreseeable future and they needed to figure out a way to keep things somewhat civil in front of Caroline. He could not predict how he would react to her if he ran into her alone, but he would make somewhat of an effort around others.

Caroline and Stefan didn't need to know about this plan though. "I have something that I need to do. Dinner later this week?"

"Yeah," Stefan easily agreed. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, you two have fun. Please wait to start having sex until I'm out of the apartment."

He departed their house with a quick wave and set out on his mission to see Elena. There was no reason for him to know where she lived, but he did. He had found out where her new apartment was the day after Caroline and Stefan's housewarming party. It wasn't too far from her old place and was close to her old bar, but in a nicer building, probably safer too. He still remembered her old building and thinking that it was only a matter of time before she came home to find every item of value that she had gone.

It was easy enough to travel the distance to her place and by the time he got to her door, he was ready to get it over with. He didn't want to have a long, drawn out conversation. He didn't want to listen to apologies or crying. He didn't need to hear her reasons for anything that she did. He just wanted to figure out how to keep him from dealing with Caroline ruining his suits with her tears, and then leave. Then he could go home and have a nice, long bottle of scotch for dinner.

He knocked on her door with a heavy fist, ready to get in there and get done what needed to be done. Moments later, she opened the door, clad in a pair of cotton shorts that were a little too short and a small t-shirt that was just a little too tight, hugging to every curve of her chest and torso. Her face glistened with sweat and her chest rose and fell rapidly with short breaths, inadvertently drawing his eyes to her rounded breasts. However, the second she realized he was in her hallway, she stopped breathing, frozen in shock. There was no doubt in his mind that he had been the last person she had been expecting to see on the other side of her door when she opened it. She finally swallowed and managed to choke out his name, "Damon."

Not in the mood for the pleasantries, he pushed past her into her apartment. "We need to talk." He took a moment to take in the scattered boxes in her living room, items in disarray as she must have been unpacking when he arrived, but he didn't focus on it long before swinging around to fix her with a solid gaze. "Look, we need to get a few things settled. I'd rather not spend the better part of my afternoon comforting a crying, emotional Caroline, so we should get ground rules set up."

"Is Caroline okay?" she asked in a small panic as she shut her door and went to her phone.

Before she could attempt to make any contact with her friend he snatched the phone from her hand and turned it off. "She's fine, that's not the point. The point is that we need to figure out how to be in the same room with each other, so Caroline can bring it down to a level as close to normal as she'll ever get."

"How did you even find out where I lived?" she questioned after she tried to retrieve her phone, but when he shoved it into his pocket she backed off.

"I have my ways, but again, not the point. Think you can stay on topic, or do you want to continue this game of Twenty Questions?" Annoyed, she snapped her mouth shut and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm going to take that as compliance. So, let's get right down to it. I'll try to play nice if you can manage to keep the sight of your face from pissing me off too much."

"And how do I go about doing that?"

"I don't know, Elena," he told her with exasperation. "Wear a mask? It's not really my problem. Figure it out yourself. Put that Master's degree to work." She flinched and he knew that he was being harsh a lot harsher than he'd planned, but she opened that door, looking more attractive than he'd prepared himself for and it got under his skin. The sexual attraction had never even been close to being one of their problems in their relationship and the reminder frustrated him. Couldn't she have gotten ugly while she was in Chicago?

She averted her eyes from him. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, just a couple more things. Don't talk. The sound of your voice just makes me cringe. Actually, everything about you makes me cringe. However, Caroline is _sensitive_, i.e. effing psycho. So, since I'm going to have to put up with you in the same room as me, I guess I'll just have to figure out how to deal with the sound of your voice, which means you have to deal with the fact that I don't want anything to do with you. It would probably be in your best interest to stay ten to fifteen feet away from me. Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. If I'm talking to Caroline, don't approach us. Maybe make excuses as often as you can to not show up at things that I'll be at. Those rules sound simple enough or should I write them down?"

"You don't really expect that to work, do you?" she asked, with a small edge to her voice. "She's my best friend, Damon. I've missed enough and I don't want to miss anymore."

"You know the solution to that, Elena?" he demanded. "Don't fucking leave for two years! If you don't want to miss time with your best friend, don't move halfway across the damn country!"

"I know this."

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows in skeptical amusement. "Could have fooled me."

"For someone who wants to stick to the point, you really are straying from it."

"Oh, look who's got some of her bite back," he taunted. "Or, at least trying to. You're right though; I digress. So, think we can manage to be in the same room?"

"I'm not the one who has trouble being in the same room," she told him quietly. "It wasn't me who revealed that Caroline was pregnant just to be an asshole."

"That's old news. Let's move on, shall we?"

"Why?" she snapped. "It's not like you're going to move on from something I did two years ago."

"Hold on!" he cut in. "Let's get one thing straight, here. What I did is nothing in comparison to what you did."

"You're right," she agreed. "I didn't intentionally set out to hurt you." She shoved a finger in his direction. "You did."

"You deserve every second of pain that you feel," he spat. "And if I happen to be the one inflicting it, even better."

"Nice, Damon. Really nice."

"You know what, Elena? It might actually help things with Caroline if you didn't have to be the victim all the time."

"Victim?" she repeated. "How do I do that?"

He rolled his eyes at the utter shock in her voice. Was she serious? "I don't know, maybe with your incessant tears and sobbing. Always saying how you're such a horrible person and made so many mistakes while I'm being honest with you only serves to make it look like evil Damon is being mean to the poor, little Elena. She was going through a rough time, Damon. She lost a baby, Damon. That was cruel, Damon. Everywhere I fucking turn everyone is making excuses for you and you just sit around with that broken look on your face like I've ruined your life when I haven't done anything to you!"

"I did lose a baby, Damon!" she screamed, at the end of her rope. "And it _was _rough. It was horrible. I woke up every day and I couldn't breathe. I was completely suffocated by everyone looking at me, just waiting for me to react how they wanted me to. So, I ran. I was scared and _I ran_!"

"I lost a baby too!" Damon shouted. "You weren't the only one that things sucked for, Elena! I was scared too, but I stayed! I didn't run off and abandon the person that needed me!"

"I messed up! I get it!" Flustered, she ran her hands through her hair as she tried to compile her thoughts. "God, Damon, I couldn't even take care of myself. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror, because all I could see was how it was my fault. I didn't want the baby and then it was gone, and I felt horrible. Nothing anyone said could fix the fact that I blamed myself. So yes, I gave up, and ran away. I ruined everything. I know that. I just want to try and make things better."

"If you'd just opened your eyes you would have realized that it wasn't your fault. God, Elena the doctors all told you it wasn't your fault! People lose babies for no good reason, but it doesn't mean you give up on your life!"

"I know," she cried, her tears now making their predicted appearance. "But it didn't change how I felt – how I still feel. Nobody will ever understand what it was like. You don't get it. You were excited and so ready for everything, but I was mad. I know it was wrong, but I was mad that I got pregnant. I knew that I wasn't ready and that I didn't know how to take care of a baby, but then I saw it and it was all real. By the time I was happy, it was all over and it was just gone. I know in my head that I didn't lose it just because it had been hard to accept, but I still think that I must have done something wrong. I had to have missed something. There's no other explanation. It had to be me. It had to."

As she broke down in front of him, dissolving into a fit of sobs, he ached to reach out to her. He'd known she'd believed it was her fault, but she'd never put it in those words before. She'd said it briefly, but never like that. He'd tried to tell her that it wasn't her. Everyone had tried to tell her, but she'd been convinced. She was so stuck in her own belief that it was her fault that logic couldn't get through to her.

Slowly, he shook his head and backed away from her. "I can't do this. I won't." He wasn't going to go down this road with her. It wouldn't lead anywhere or solve anything. No, he wouldn't do it again. He had to get out of here. He had to leave.

"Damon," she cried, when he walked past her, reaching out to stop him, but he brushed her off.

"No," he snapped, pushing her back when she reached for him again. "I'm not doing this again. I can't look at you right now."

He couldn't. Watching her cry about the miscarriage brought everything back and it made him mad. It was wrong, but it was how he felt. While she hated herself for the miscarriage, he hated her for that. He hated her because she gave up, and that beat out any need or desire he had to comfort her. His attempts had fallen on deaf ears before; there was no reason to think they wouldn't now.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't know what to tell you," he said quietly when he got to the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He could tell her all day long that it wasn't her fault, but if she still believed it after two years, he wouldn't change her mind now. For some reason she needed it to be her fault. It didn't make sense if she didn't have some explanation, and that was the one she was sticking with. Unable to turn around and look at the broken look on her face, he softly told her, "I think you just need therapy, Elena. A lot of it." Then he opened the door and left. Her apartment was suffocating, choking the life out of him, and he needed air. He needed space from her and everything that she pulled back to the surface.

He'd spent more nights than he could remember, pouring over that dreadful night that she lost the baby, and every time he ended up in the same place: it just wasn't meant to be. He didn't blame her and he never had. They'd never have a tangible reason for why it happened, and he'd accepted that. He'd made peace with the fact that they couldn't have changed anything. They'd done everything they were supposed to, and that was all they could have done. He hoped she found those same answers one day, but it wouldn't be with his help.

It wasn't that that he didn't wish her well. Okay, so that was bullshit. He wished her plenty of pain, but he did hope she could resolve some feelings toward the miscarriage. He wanted her to hurt, but he'd rather it be about things that were actually her problem. God knew she had more than enough bad decisions to give her a lifetime of pain without adding made up fantasies along with them. Cause what could he really do when she stood in front of him crying about the miscarriage? He couldn't very well tell her that she was right, and that it was her fault. He knew that was a bold faced lie if he'd ever heard one, but he just didn't have a shoulder to offer her either. Being there for her, it wasn't something he could do anymore. It wasn't _who_ he was. He'd done his part to try and help her when they were together. It wasn't his job anymore. She had to take care of herself.

Halfway down her block, when he reached into his pocket, he realized he still had Elena's phone. Groaning, and internally cursing his stupidity for leaving without giving it back to her, he turned around and retraced his steps back to her place. He really didn't want to go back and give it to her, but he couldn't exactly keep it either. Keeping it would mean he'd just have to see her some time later, and he wanted to avoid that. He only wanted to see her if it wasn't avoidable.

When he got back to her door, he could hear her soft cries coming from just inside. They were sporadic and shallow, indicating that she was close to giving herself a panic attack if she didn't calm herself down soon. So, against his better judgment, he knocked on her door. The crying ceased for a moment, and she hoarsely called out, "Who is it?"

"Elena, open the door."

"Go away, Damon," she told him from the other side.

"I have your phone. So if you'd like to actually have contact with the outside world ever again, open the door."

"Leave it out there."

Annoyed, he lightly pushed on her door to test how durable it was. When he wasn't met with much resistance, he said to her, "Your door is a piece of crap. Open it before I open it myself. And then you'll be paying someone to come fix it before you get half your stuff stolen."

"God, Damon," she groaned, "What do you want? You made your point. You hate me. I'm messed up. Leave me alone!"

"Oh, come on," he told her with exasperation. "You knew you needed therapy before five minutes ago. So, open the damn door because I'm not leaving your phone in your fucking hallway."

"I've been in therapy for a year!" she snapped. "Of course that isn't new information."

The revelation that she had in fact been in therapy took him off guard. He'd told her for months after the miscarriage that she had needed help, but she hadn't listened. She didn't want help, thought it wouldn't work, but obviously something had changed in Chicago. Maybe something had clicked in her head while she was there. Why hadn't it clicked when she was still in New York? Why did it have to take so long?

"Nothing is ever easy with you is it? Why couldn't you just go when you were here?" he asked, partly as a rhetorical question, but partly as a need to hear some answer or explanation.

"Nothing I say is going to be good enough for you. We both know you don't really care."

"Doesn't mean I don't deserve some answers." As an elderly woman slowly passed him in the hallway and gave him an annoyed look, he had to resist the urge to laugh at himself. Was he really having this conversation through a freaking door? "Elena, open the door before your elderly neighbor stabs me with her cane." They'd shared enough of their private information with the rest of the floor for one day.

The door flew open in front of him, sending him tumbling forward, as his support was ripped away from him. "Happy?" she snapped, once he'd righted himself before he fell flat on his face.

"Warning, next time," he barked at her.

Her hand shot out in front of her, her palm facing up. "Can I have my phone back now or do you need to make me feel worse?"

"You'll get your phone back soon enough," he assured her. "Just answer the question. Why couldn't you just go to therapy when you were here?"

"I was depressed and I hated myself. I didn't even want to wake up in the morning, much less go sit in an office and talk about killing my child."

"Stop staying that!" he shouted at her. He couldn't listen to her say things like that. If she wanted to believe it, that was one thing, but he didn't want to listen to it.

"It's the truth," she whispered.

"No, it's not! It's what you tell yourself to make it okay for you to keep being a martyr."

"I'm trying," she said. "I really am. I don't want to be like this."

"Well, try harder. It's not very fun to yell at you when you're going on about a bunch of crap that isn't true. I can blame a lot of things on you, but I can't exactly tell you that you killed our baby."

"Why not? You want to hurt me; that's your perfect opening. You know it would kill me."

He did know it would kill her. If he told her he believed that it was her fault, he'd validate everything she'd told herself for the past two and a half years. There would be no pain left to cause after that. She'd be irretrievably broken beyond repair.

"I may hit pretty low, but even I have a point. That's definitely it."

"You didn't seem to mind hitting below the belt at Caroline and Stefan's party."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I still maintain that I was doing you a favor."

She blew out a sarcastic laugh. "You're just a helpful guy, aren't you?"

"Oh, don't even try to play that game with me," he warned her.

"What game?"

He scoffed and looked at her with judgmental eyes. "The one where you're the victim."

Her head fell and she sadly shook her head. "Will you ever give me the chance to try and make things better?"

He gave her the courtesy of thinking about her question for a minute, but he knew it was useless. His answer wasn't going to change. He was still going to be a dick, and she was still going to be pathetic and a waste of his time. Her pleas to try and do anything to change their situation would only fall on deaf ears. And that's what he told her. "I think the better question would be if I would ever even believe a word that came out of your mouth. The answer is no. You're not ever getting a chance for anything with me."

"Why is it so impossible for you to believe that I might actually feel remorse and want to make things right?" she demanded softly.

"Because you're a selfish bitch!" he snapped at her. "You just feel sorry that everyone isn't groveling at your feet anymore. Get over it, Elena. Find a new therapist, a better one, and move on. Everyone else has."

"I don't think I can move on until I fix things."

"Well, I'd work on fixing that goal if I were you, because that's never going to happen. You screwed up your entire life and tried to take me down with you. This isn't something that can be fixed."

"I can try!"

"Whatever," he sighed and rolled his eyes, "I've had more of you today than I can handle." He turned around and walked to her door. He'd spent more than enough time listening to her today; he really didn't want to get into a long, drawn out talk where she sobbed about how bad she felt for what she'd done to him. He had to go home. He couldn't do this anymore.

"Wait," she called out, "What are you doing?"

"Leaving," he said over his shoulder. "Should look familiar. You perfected it."

"This didn't fix anything about how we'll be in the same room together. Nothing is resolved."

After he opened the door, he turned and looked at her. "Tell you what, I'll promise not to call you a narcissistic bitch in Caroline's presence or reveal anymore pregnancies. Problem solved." He pulled her phone out of his pocket and tossed it to her. "Here's your phone. Catch." With that, he stepped out of her apartment and slammed the door with a hollow thud.

She was right; nothing was resolved with them. He still couldn't stand the sight of her, and he truthfully didn't know if that would ever change. If he ever thought for a moment that he could look at her and see something other than rage for more than five minutes, every time he set eyes on her disproved that theory. He'd do his best not to make her cry while Caroline was around, but any other time was fair game. No amount of apologies or tears would take away his desire to tell her anything and everything he thought of her. It would do her well to accept her fate sooner rather than later.

No matter how many moments they just had like that, it wouldn't have any lasting affect on him. People might tell him he was holding onto a grudge that he should let go of, but it wasn't that simple. He knew how Elena worked. If he opened himself up for two minutes to her, she'd be in. He couldn't let that happen. He would never allow himself to go back to a single place ever again that would leave him vulnerable to her, even friendship. Where they had once had an easy rapport, they would never have it again. If he didn't make her truly understand that things would never change, she wouldn't stop trying. She'd never give up and that would be a waste of everyone's time and energy. She might think that there was something to fight for, but there was nothing.


	27. Redeeming Love

Author's Note: It took a week, but here's another chapter! This one gave me so much trouble. Bless my beta, who got a million and one emails from me about this. I think I've filled up her inbox from all of my emails and documents for her to look at. However, for a chapter that kicked my ass so much, I've somehow wound up with the longest one of the story. The present portion is short, but it's so we can just jump straight into the past. We've got a bit of crazy Caroline in this chapter. She's all over the place! Thank you so much for all of the reviews that I continue to get for this story. You all are so truly amazing! I love you all! Enjoy!

**Chapter 26 **

**Forgiveness calls  
>It beckons me<br>To find the courage  
>Let it be <strong>

Elena rolled her suitcase through the busy airport, taking care to not run into anyone. With each step she took closer to her gate, the more nervous she became. She hadn't seen Matt in years and she was going to show up on his doorstep out of the blue. What would she even say to him when she saw him? Would he even want to talk to her?

She knew that it was an impulsive decision and that it could backfire on her, but she'd learned a lot over the past year. One of the things she'd learned was that people deserved closure. Even if Matt had moved on and found the most amazing woman ever, she'd robbed him of closure for their relationship. She owed him more answers than she'd ever given him, and he deserved those. She wasn't hoping that she would see him and they would be friends again, but she hoped it would be another step in the right direction of putting things back together in her life. How could she truly move forward if she didn't try to right some of her wrongs?

Even though there had been more steps back than she could count during this past year, there had been steps forward. They were hard and were sometimes smaller than she wanted, but they were there. She'd even made progress with Damon. Right now, it seemed as if that progress was all shot to hell, but she'd done it once. When he'd given her no indication that she would ever be able to fix anything with them, she'd still moved forward.

That was all she could continue to do now. Even if she didn't have Damon, she couldn't return to how she'd been before she came back to New York. She couldn't curl up in a ball and shut the world out anymore. She'd lose Caroline and Bonnie for good if she ever did that again, and if she lost them, she'd never survive. They were her rock through everything, and she wouldn't jeopardize the friendship again. As much pain as she was in right now, she wasn't going to let herself give up.

That was what she continued to tell herself as she made her way to the gate. Even though every part of her wanted to go home and cry until she could cry no more, she knew that she had to keep moving. If she kept moving, then she kept breathing, and if she kept breathing, then she still had a chance for something good.

The inner monologue in her head sounded slightly maniacal with the positive things she kept chanting to herself, but she knew what would happen the moment she truly allowed her brain to think about Damon. If she thought about him, she'd be done. It hurt too much, and she'd never make it to Nashville. That was where she needed to be right now, not here. She couldn't be in New York while he got married. She just couldn't.

* * *

><p>With yawns and small groans, everyone piled out of their cars onto the grand driveway, stretching their limbs from the long car ride. "Hello Hamptons!" Caroline sang out. She ripped the keys from Stefan and ran for the stairs leading to the front door, quickly getting the door unlocked and letting herself in.<p>

After a great deal of convincing and a few threats of bodily harm, Elena found herself standing outside of the Salvatore's East Hamptons home. Well, home seemed too normal a word for what she was standing in front of. For a place that boasted eight bedrooms, there was nothing homely about it. It was a mansion, and a freaking huge one at that. It would seem the Salvatore money knew no bounds, and when Caroline had insisted on going away for Stefan's birthday, she'd chosen this out of the plethora of vacation homes they had to their name.

She had been reluctant to come, knowing that Stefan was still uncomfortable around her, and things had not gotten any better with Damon. However, Caroline demanded that everyone had to be there, and she swore that Damon would be on his best behavior. She believed the promise had been more for Caroline's benefit than of anything truthful. Though she'd only seen him twice since that day he barged into her apartment two weeks ago, he'd made it clear that nothing had changed; he still couldn't stand her. For everyone's sake, she just hoped that he would keep at least half of his comments to himself this weekend, otherwise things would not end well for anyone.

Her plan was to avoid him as much as possible. She'd started that by riding in a separate car as him on the ride up, choosing to ride with Bonnie, Caroline, and Stefan. She suspected the ride had been pure torture on Stefan's part, specifically when Caroline found out that Bonnie had started seeing someone. As she looked at him unloading the bags from the back of his car, she felt correct in her assumption. The man looked like he'd been water boarded for the past two days.

"You're a brave man," she told him as she gathered her bag from him. "Not many men could handle a car ride with three girls shrieking about boys and singing along to the Spice Girls."

Stefan smiled tightly, but tried to respond kindly just the same. "I'm used to Caroline's antics by now. As long as she doesn't force me to sing, I can handle anything."

Elena laughed and threw the strap for her duffel bag over her shoulder. "Well, thanks for being a good sport. I'll try not to torture you anymore this weekend."

"Thank you," he said quietly, then went back to pulling bags from the car.

She sighed and went up to the house where she found Caroline flitting through the living room with a bag of chips in hand. "I found the food!" she proclaimed with a smile, proudly holding up a bright orange Dorito.

"Think you can help me find the rooms?" she asked with a smile. "I do not want to get lost in this place."

Caroline bounced over to the staircase, waving her arm behind her. "Come on, I'll show you your room. It's the one farthest from Damon. I know you are all playing nice this weekend, but I'd rather not tempt fate. Bonnie will be across the hall from you, so you two can have slumber parties if you wish, although I will be bitterly jealous if you do." Her mouth running a mile a minute, she threw open the door to a spacious room with a picturesque view of the ocean. "Voila!"

"Holy crap, this is bigger than my apartment," Elena said, amazed at the size.

"You should see the master suite, it's insane. Say what you will about Giuseppe, but the man knows how to get some good real estate."

"You can say that again."

Voices carried up the stairs as everyone began coming inside and finding their rooms. "Okay, I'm going make sure everyone knows where they are, and then I'll see you at dinner. I'm thinking we'll eat in like an hour. Sound good?"

"Yup, sounds good," Elena said happily, eager to have some time to herself to get her thoughts in order. She'd need to mentally prepare herself for everything that this weekend would entail. For the first time in two years, she would be sharing a house with Damon. For the first time _ever_, she'd be sharing it with his girlfriend as well. She'd really only met Andie one time, and she hadn't exactly been nice. In fact, she'd fled within the first two minutes of meeting her, and then ended her night by treating Damon horribly because he spent his evening with her. The anger hadn't truly been about Andie, but she hadn't been lying when she said that Andie still wanted him.

As it would now turn out, she was right. She didn't know how long Andie and Damon had been together now, but something had obviously happened to rekindle their romance. From what she'd witnessed that horrible night, she suspected that Andie had never stopped loving Damon, but that the relationship didn't work out. She knew from Damon that he'd never been faithful to a woman until he met Katherine, so that would mean he hadn't been faithful to Andie. If that had bothered her then, she seemed happy with Damon now and trusting that he wouldn't cheat. Elena knew from firsthand experience that if she was lucky enough to get Damon's heart, he'd never look at another woman while they were together.

"Elena, are you in here?" There was a soft knock on the door, and then Bonnie poked her head in. When she saw that Elena was sitting on her bed, she rushed in and closed the door behind her. "Oh my god, this place is huge!"

"I know!" Elena exclaimed. "I feel like we should incorporate the buddy system so we don't get lost."

"Seriously." Bonnie kicked off her shoes and then lay back on the bed. "So, you ready for this weekend?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Elena admitted nervously. "How bad can it really be, right?"

"With Damon involved?" Bonnie questioned skeptically. "Catastrophic."

That prediction would be tested when everyone sat down for dinner, but despite Bonnie's words, things seemed to move smoothly. She and Damon were at opposite ends of the table and the conversations stayed fairly divided. In fact, Elena found herself mostly drawn into conversation with Alaric. She had not seen him much since she returned, and she'd been worried as to how he would behave around her, but he seemed to treat her much in the same way he had when she was with Damon. He'd always been more than welcoming to her, and she was glad to know that even if she was sure he didn't approve of how she'd treated his best friend, he wasn't going to roast her over the fire for it.

"I almost had to enter AA after you left," he joked during dessert. "I'd gotten way too used to my own personal bartender."

Elena laughed. "I'm sorry, Ric. How can I ever make it up to you?"

"You can start by making me a drink," he smiled. He stood up and held his arm out for her. "Shall I show you to the bar where I can put you to work?"

She linked her arm with his. "Lead the way."

"Hey, where are you two going?" Caroline called out. "We haven't finished dessert."

"I have a debt to repay to Alaric," Elena gravely explained. "I shall be serving my penance at the bar."

"Drinking time starts now!" Alaric exclaimed and led Elena from the room.

The words did the trick of bringing everyone to life, and they all began filing into the living room, throwing out drink requests at Elena. "Woah!" she held up her arms, once she was situated behind the bar. "This is not Green Street! I am not here to service you. I will be making Alaric whatever he wants. The rest of you will make do with what I give you."

"Fine with me," Caroline smiled. "Not like I can drink anyway. I'll sit back and watch you all make fools of yourselves."

"I feel certain I can fulfill that wish for you," Alaric assured her once he had his drink and had found a seat on one of the couches.

Soon, everyone had a drink and Elena found a spot next to Bonnie, who was casually sipping on a glass of wine. Elena hoped that the alcohol would keep everyone relaxed and calm for the evening. Well, she hoped it would keep Damon relaxed. She'd specifically not given him scotch, because she knew that it made him angry if he drank enough, and if she was around when he was angry, it would be taken out on her. She was trying to avoid that tonight.

With the alcohol freely flowing the conversation was easy, and as long as the hot topics weren't touched, Elena found that Damon's snide remarks were kept to a minimum. There was the occasional dig at her, but it hadn't sent Caroline running away in tears, so that was something.

However, several drinks in lips got a little looser and the stories started to come. "Dad wouldn't talk to him for a month," Stefan laughed. "The look on his face was priceless. He caught them right in the middle of it all."

"You think that's funny?" Caroline questioned, and shoved a finger in Elena's direction. "Miss Master's degree over there got caught having sex in the bathroom with her escort after she'd been crowned Miss Mystic Falls."

"Caroline!" Elena shrieked, feeling her face flush red with embarrassment. "You promised never to mention that again!"

"Did I also mention her escort was the mayor's son?" she giggled.

"Oh my god," she groaned, burying her face in Bonnie's shoulder. "I hate you!"

"Come on, it was hilarious! You and Tyler couldn't go anywhere without people thinking you'd gone off to have sex."

"Don't remind me," she pleaded. "I try to block that time out. Tyler isn't a very fun time period to look back on."

"But he was so hot," Bonnie laughed. "He was the star of the football team. Everyone wanted to date him."

"Well, they all got the chance to sleep with him, that should count for something." In high school, she'd still been delusional and believed that she loved Tyler. Every teenage girl thought she'd be with her first real boyfriend forever. She thought he was the best thing in her life, and it didn't matter if he cheated on her. She was shallow enough to not really care that he'd sleep with girls in the back of his car as long as she was the one publically on his arm. She was an obnoxious cheerleader that liked being popular, and being with Tyler was a boost to her ego.

Now, she looked back on the time and wanted to slap her teenage self. There was never a good reason to stay with a boyfriend that cheated on you, but she was naïve and didn't know much better. A relationship like that would never be okay with her now. She wouldn't stand for anything that he'd put her through in high school.

"So, Elena is an exhibitionist," Alaric mused with a smile. "Interesting."

"I am not nearly as stupid as I was as a teenager," she told him apologetically. "Sorry, buddy."

"I don't know, I think you could give your teenage self a run for her money," Damon spoke up from his place across from her on another couch. He leaned back into the soft cushions and draped his arm around Andie's shoulders.

"Maybe so," she quietly said, not wanting to push the issue. With a predatory smile on her face she turned to Caroline. "Since little miss pregnant over here, is so keen to out our dirty little secrets, I think I'm going to out one of my own. Caroline, you ever tell Stefan about the time your mom pulled a gun on Sean Morgan?"

Stefan choked on his drink. "Your mom did what?"

"It was one time!" she exclaimed. "She caught me in bed with him after he took me to his prom."

"Then what did she do?"

"Kick him out, duh!" Caroline said with a roll of her eyes, but when Elena raised her eyebrows, she sighed and said, "Fine, she may have threatened to have him arrested."

"You told me your mom didn't pull the cop card on your boyfriends," Stefan said. "Am I to expect she's going to find a way to arrest me if I make you mad?"

"She's not going to arrest you," Caroline assured him. "This was a one time thing."

"Cause you were fourteen!" Bonnie exclaimed. "Not to mention that he was seventeen!"

"Woah! Blondie had the slut card back in the day," Damon joked. "I didn't know you had it in you."

The blonde shrugged, unbothered by the classification. "My mom was the town sheriff and my dad left my mom for another guy. I was bound to spread my legs for the first guy that winked at me."

"You were the first to lose your V card," Elena admitted.

"Oh hush, you weren't very far behind me. At least mine was halfway romantic."

"You were wasted! You barely even remember it."

"Well, I remember that it wasn't horrible and there were candles."

"Cause it was in that abandoned house that everyone thinks is haunted by witches," Elena laughed.

"Whatever," Caroline scoffed. "I didn't get busted by his mom when I snuck out afterward."

"Oh my god," Elena covered her face with her hands. "Mrs. Lockwood still hates me. She told me that her son was too young to be a father, so I should keep money saved up to handle it if the situation ever arose. Thank god, I never ended up in that mess with him."

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room, and Elena realized her mistake in words. Bonnie was tense next to her and Caroline was staring at the glass of water in her hand. Everyone was scared to talk – everyone but one person.

"I think everyone says that when they look back at their past relationships," Andie said. "I don't think many girls think about an ex-boyfriend and get sad that they don't have a baby. You broke up for a reason, after all."

If there was anything that could make the situation worse than it already was, Andie's words provided that. The room felt like it had dropped ten degrees alone in the past minute, and Elena shivered from chills. "You know what?" Damon rose to his feet and set his empty glass on the table next to the couch. "It's been a long day. I'm going to bed."

"Really?" Andie looked up at him skeptically.

"Yeah, I'm tired."

"Okay," she nodded and rose to her feet as well. "I'll head up with you. Night guys." She smiled and followed him to the staircase.

Soon they disappeared upstairs and Elena looked over at Caroline, panicked. "How much does she not know?" she demanded softly.

Caroline cringed and shrugged her shoulders. "Like, everything."

"Oh god," Elena groaned. "I'm not drinking the rest of the weekend."

"On this note, I think it's time for us to call it a night," Stefan said.

Elena knew it was early, but she agreed with him. She needed some time to herself to process everything that she'd signed herself up for this weekend. She bid goodnight to everyone and disappeared to her room to get ready for bed. After she was ready, she looked around the dimly lit room and realized that she wasn't quite ready to call it a night yet. She grabbed her journal from her bag and quietly slipped into the hallway. She could use some time outside, listening to the ocean, and sorting through everything in her head.

She stepped onto the spacious back deck and soon realized she hadn't been the only one with the same idea. Andie was stretched out on a lounge chair, her computer on her lap, a pen hanging from her mouth, and a notebook sitting next to her. She jumped slightly when she heard the door open and turned to look at Elena, surprise registering on her face. "You scared me." She laughed nervously and pulled her reading glasses off.

"Sorry," Elena quickly apologized. "I thought everyone was asleep. I was just going to spend some time enjoying the fresh air."

"Great minds think alike," she joked quietly, but then motioned to the seats next to her. "Feel free to join me."

"No, I don't want to bother you. You're obviously working."

She turned to reenter the house, but Andie called out to her, "Really, it's fine. You won't be bothering me. The only reason I'm out here is because I drive Damon insane when I work around him. Something about my thinking being too loud for him."

Elena smirked knowingly. She'd heard the same words from him once upon a time. Every time she read one of her pregnancy books, he would tell her that her thoughts were so loud he could hear them. "Still, I really don't want to interrupt anything."

Andie closed her laptop and turned to look at Elena. "No, please, I'd actually like to talk to you. I know plenty about Caroline, but I haven't really gotten a chance to get to know you." Elena silently nodded her head and went to sit down on the lounge chair next to her. She was unsure of what to say to the woman or even where to begin. This wasn't how she anticipated spending the rest of her evening. Why couldn't she have just gone back inside? "You got your Master's in writing, right?" Andie questioned when Elena stayed silent"

"Yeah, creative writing."

"There we go!" Andie said happily. "We both like to write. Caroline tells me you have a few bylines to your name now. What are you writing about?"

"Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that." Andie wrote for the New York Times, no way would she be interested in the small things she'd had accepted by a few websites around the net.

"It has to be more interesting than some of the stuff I'm writing about. I love my job, don't get me wrong, but people get a little pretentious in the journalism world."

"I had something accepted to a women's website a few weeks ago. Nothing special, but just my take on being confused about everything, even though I should be at the point where I'm starting to figure things out."

Andie's eyes took on a deep understanding as she looked at her. "I was really confused at your age too. Not that I'm much older. So, don't think I'm trying to be superior, but I felt really lost when I was in Washington. I didn't know anyone there when I moved and I was still just this baby in a very competitive world. People that I went to school with were starting to get engaged and married, but I was going home to an empty apartment every night. Even though I knew what I wanted to do, and I was working in that field, I still felt like I didn't have anything figured out. You'd be surprised how many people feel that way."

"Being an adult really isn't what it's cracked up to be when we're teenagers."

Andie blew out a burst of laughter and readily agreed. "So true!" Her laughing quickly turned into a yawn, and she shook her head. "Man, I'm tired. I think I'm going to head up to bed." Andie stood up and gathered everything in her arms.

"Okay, sounds good. Night." She went about getting herself situated on the seat again, ready to spend some time with her own thoughts. She hadn't had a chance to properly think through anything that had happened so far on the trip, and if she was going to survive the rest of it, she needed to process some of the thoughts she had racing through her brain.

"Elena." She twisted her head around to look at Andie standing just in the doorway of the house. "I know we don't really know each other, but if you need any tips or ideas on where to try and submit some articles, let me know."

"Thank you," she told her sincerely, surprised by the extended offer.

"No problem." With a parting smile, Andie disappeared into the house and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving Elena alone with her own thoughts.

Sighing, she opened her journal and worked to spill out every emotion she had felt over the course of the day. She'd found over the past year that writing everything down helped her separate herself from what she was feeling. It helped lessen the pain from all consuming to a bitter ache that she simply carried with her throughout the days. It took her deep and crushing anger toward herself down to a manageable level that didn't make her want to destroy herself all over again. And most importantly, it allowed her to release every doubt she had and provide the strength to survive another day. It was the closest she'd come to a sense of peace in the past two years, and she relished in that.

So, she wrote until her hand ached and her eyes could focus no longer on the pages in front of her. She wrote until she could no longer hold her eyes open. She wrote until her body finally succumbed to the exhaustion.

When she awoke, she jumped to attention, lurching forward in the chair from the confusion and shock of her surroundings. The ocean was loud as the waves crashed against the beach, and the sun beat down heavily on her. It was only when she looked around that she realized the sudden awakening she'd experienced. Damon towered over her, holding her journal in front of his face.

"You should know better than to bring your journal when you're around so many people," he advised with a smile. "Never know whose prying eyes might find it too tempting to leave alone."

She shot to her feet, reaching out for her journal. "Give that back," she demanded, mortified at the idea of him reading her innermost thoughts.

"No, let's see what's plaguing the troubled Elena." He flipped through her journal, stopping when he reached a random page toward the middle. At her continued efforts to retrieve her journal, he turned his back to her, holding an arm out to keep her away. He cleared his throat as he skimmed over the words before finally speaking. "I saw Justin today. He still won't talk to me. Although, I understand why he no longer wants to be around me, it still hurts. I wish I could make him understand that it wasn't him I was disgusted with that night; it was myself. I took advantage of the fact that he liked me, when I should have warned him to run the other direction. I knew that he wouldn't help me forget, but I still tried. I slept with him –"

"Stop!" Elena launched herself at Damon, jumping onto his back and snatching the journal from his hands, not caring if she ripped out half of the pages in the process. She'd fight him for those too.

"Hey!" he shouted as she stole the journal back from him. "I was reading."

Out of breath, she dropped back to her feet and clutched her journal tightly to her chest. "What the hell is wrong with you?" To emphasize her anger, she shoved him roughly, sending him stumbling forward. When he righted himself, he spun around to face her. "You don't just go around reading people's private thoughts."

"Don't leave your journal open for people to read." He shrugged, unaffected by her outrage.

"You had no right!"

"Please," he scoffed, "I didn't even get to anything of value. You stopped me right when I was getting to the juicy part of you whoring it up out in Chicago. Not that it comes to much surprise after what we learned about your sexual encounters last night."

"One, I was a teenager and he was my boyfriend. Two, ha!" she laughed in his face. "Like you're one to talk. I'm not stupid enough to think Katherine and Andie are the only women you've slept with in the past two years. So don't even come at me about being a whore. It was one guy, Damon! I think that hardly classifies me as a whore."

"You're right," he conceded. "Whores make money. You just got thrown out."

Before she could think about what she was doing, she reared her arm back and then swung it around, punching him in the nose. "What the hell?" He jumped away, delicately holding his nose as he complained about the pain.

"Ow!" she cried out, clutching at her right hand as it throbbed in pain. The journal fell to her feet, but both were too preoccupied with their own agony to care. "That hurt!"

"No shit!" he grunted, still holding his hands to his nose. "You don't know how to break someone's nose without breaking your own hand in the process!"

"Oh, I did not break your nose," she denied fervently, while hopping around in pain.

"Well it sure as hell hurts!"

"You called me a whore!"

"Well," he shrugged. Far beyond her limit, Elena grabbed her journal from the deck and stormed off to the door. "Oh, come on, we're just getting started. You haven't even tried to knee me in the crotch yet."

She pivoted around on her heel and went back to him. With as much force as possible, she shoved her finger into his chest and shouted, "_You are an asshole_!"

When she got back inside the house and slammed the door behind her, Stefan rushed into the room, in a hurry to get to whatever was happening on the back deck. "What happened?"

"Ask your brother," she told him coldly as she blew past him.

She didn't know where the anger had come from to get a real response out of her for the first time since she'd returned, but hearing him mockingly read her journal had sent her over the edge. While it may be a joke to him, that small book had become her only true solace in the past year. It was the only reason she survived most days and he'd tried to take that from her. She'd given him a lot of leeway, but she wouldn't give him that. She deserved to have something for herself that he couldn't use against her.

She stormed into her room and hastily buried her journal deep in her suitcase. Surely he wouldn't actually sneak into her room to read it. Scratch that; he totally would, however, only if she was witness to it. He couldn't very well be an ass if she wasn't present for it. Annoyed, she slammed her suitcase shut and kicked it across the room.

"What is going on in here?" She turned to see Bonnie slipping into the room, still wearing her pajamas. "It sounded like a stampede coming down the hall."

"Damon is an asshole. That's what's going on," she vented.

"It only took you three years to figure it out, but yeah, he kind of sucks." Bonnie sat down on the bed and curiously looked at Elena. "What brought you over to my team?"

"He read my journal and then called me a whore."

"He said what?" Bonnie balked.

Elena shook her head, feeling some of her anger dissipate as Bonnie's ratcheted upward. "I know I deserve a lot of his behavior, but I'm not a whore. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not that."

"Well, don't say it to me. I know that. Say it to him."

"I did," Elena declared strongly. "And then I punched him." Bonnie's hands flew to her open mouth as she loudly gasped. "Don't you dare tell Caroline."

Bonnie giggled softly behind her hands. "I think the bruise he'll be sporting will tell her everything she needs to know." Amazed, she shook her head and finally allowed her hands to fall back to the bed. "You really punched him?"

Embarrassed, Elena nodded. While there was something oddly liberating in the act of punching him, it was also very foreign to her. She'd never been a violent person. Sure, she fought with her brother growing up, but that didn't count. In fact, the only person she'd ever hit had been Damon. The two times she'd raised her hand at another person Damon had been on the receiving end of her violence.

She threw herself down on the bed, burying her head underneath one of the overstuffed pillows. "I can't believe I hit him."

"To be fair, he had just called you a whore."

"After he read part of an entry where I mentioned sleeping with Justin. It didn't exactly come out of thin air."

"Oh, give it up, Elena," Bonnie groaned. "If he's going to be mean to you, then he's going to be mean to you. It doesn't mean that you have to subject yourself to it even when he's not around."

"I abandoned everyone who cared about me because I was too caught up in my own pain to pay attention to anyone else. That doesn't exactly make me a good person."

Her pillow was cruelly ripped away from her and Bonnie jerked on her arm. "Get up!" she demanded until Elena complied. "I don't know what was in the water at Northwestern, but you need to snap out of it. You made a bad decision. No one will argue with you on that, but newsflash, us mature adults are going to recognize that you understand what you did and are trying to be better. I get that your time in Chicago sucked, so why would I want to make things suck for you when you're back?"

"Because I was selfish."

"Most people are."

Elena groaned and rolled her eyes. "You just don't like Damon. That's why you're acting this way."

Bonnie shrugged unapologetically. "True, but Caroline loves him and she's not going to be mean to you. We get to recognize that you made a mistake and not spend months punishing you for it. If Damon has a problem with you, he needs to grow up, and talk about it. Cause, I'm sorry, this behavior isn't funny or helpful for anything."

The door burst open and Caroline bounced into the room, an indignant expression on her face. "Are you having girl time without me? Traitors!"

She jumped onto the bed, tackling the two women to the mattress. Elena grunted from the impact, as the air blew out of her lungs. "God, that hurt," she complained, playfully shoving at Caroline's sprawled out form. "Starting to feel pregnant there, Caroline."

"Watch it," Caroline warned. "I might burst into spontaneous tears." She pushed at Elena and Bonnie, shoving her tiny form between them and stretching out on the bed. "So, what's the topic of conversation?"

As she got situated, Elena met Bonnie's eyes over Caroline's head. Bonnie's gaze was clear and concise – she thought Caroline needed to know. She did not share Elena's belief that Caroline should be kept in the dark about Damon's behavior. Elena's thoughts hadn't changed though; Caroline didn't need to be dragged into the middle of everything that was going on.

When Bonnie opened her mouth, ready to jump in and reveal all, Elena blurted out, "Bonnie's boyfriend! We're talking about Bonnie and her new boy toy."

"Oooh! I love boy talks!" Caroline preened. "Have you had sex yet?"

"Caroline!" Bonnie shrieked in embarrassment.

"What?" Caroline asked innocently, batting her eyelashes like she was talking to Stefan. "We didn't get to talk about that stuff on the way here. I want details about it all."

"There are no details to share. We've only been on a few dates." She sent a pointed look in Caroline's direction. "And no, we haven't had sex yet. I'm sure you'll be the first to know if it happens."

"But you like him." Caroline loosely shook Bonnie as she began to sing, "You think he's cute, and you want to kiss him! You wanna be his girlfriend."

"This is precisely why I don't tell you anything!"

"No, you're just too private. You don't like to share anything with anyone."

"She has a point, Bonnie," Elena agreed.

Bonnie snorted. "Like that's a road you want to go down right now."

Caroline tensed and looked to Elena. "What is she talking about?"

"Nothing," Elena denied with a smile. "Our little Bonnie is just deflecting."

"Well, duh, but there's more to it. I'm not stupid. Bonnie is always the one that catches you doing things and then outs you to me when you can't fess up to it. Spill! What's going on, and how is Damon involved?"

Elena closed her eyes and picked up the pillow behind her head, then covered her face with it. "Why do you always do this to me, Bonnie?" she whined.

"Because I'm your best friend, and Caroline deserves to know."

Elena wanted to get mad and tell Bonnie to stay out of her business, but she knew that wouldn't be fair. She'd known Bonnie most of her life, and that meant she knew that Bonnie didn't go along with keeping people in the dark for long. Things were always simple for her: Honesty or nothing. She would have demanded that Caroline know about everything at some point, but Elena had hoped that point would be further down the road.

With a sigh, Elena removed the pillow from her face and sat up. "When we have breakfast this morning, Damon may be sporting a bruise."

Caroline's eyes narrowed and her head tilted slightly to the side as she stared up at Elena. "Why?"

"Um," Elena nervously scratched at an area of skin just behind her ear, averting her eyes from the curious blue ones focused on her, "I may have punched him?"

Caroline shot up like a rocket, shrieking, "You what?"

With a nervous chuckle, Elena shrugged her shoulders. "Whoopsie."

Caroline sputtered incoherently, shaking her head back and forth as if trying to force the information to sink into her brain. "_Why_?"

"He may have stolen my journal and called me a whore."

"He really did that?" Caroline questioned, with a small dose of hope in her voice that Damon hadn't resorted to such tactics. When Elena silently nodded, she seethed, "I'm so stealing his leather jacket."

"Caroline, it's not a big deal," Elena tried to reason with her friend. "I got mad and I punched him. I think he got the message to not read my journal anymore."

"I don't care if he got the message. He shouldn't be doing things like this. If he's with Andie and so happy about his life now, why does he have to act like this?"

Elena looked down at her fidgeting hands in her lap. "Maybe because I was completely horrible to him after the miscarriage, and then up and left him with no warning. It's not like he doesn't have reason to hate me."

"What are we, thirteen?" Caroline rolled her eyes. "I stopped hating people once I got out of high school. You get mad and then you get over things. I'm not saying he needs to be your friend, but he needs to give it a rest. We all know how he feels. This is just redundant at this point."

"I really hurt him, Caroline. You know how he behaves when he's hurt." For all of his effort to appear cold and unfeeling, she'd never met anyone who had feelings that ran deeper than Damon. He loved with everything he had and when you hurt him, all that love transformed into hate. When that man was in pain, there was no limit to the pain he could inflict on the person who hurt him. "He's getting everything out of his system."

"Well, I hope his system is empty now, because I am not doing this for the rest of my pregnancy. Stefan especially won't. He's gone into crazy overprotective mode since we found out I was pregnant. If Damon doesn't calm down, they'll end up in a fight, and I'm not going to be holding ice to my husband's face when I'm six months pregnant. I'm not saying he can't be mad, but he has to figure out a way to handle this. Things like last night and this morning can't keep happening."

"I know," Elena said softly. "I shouldn't have hit him. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you for that. I'm just mad at the entire situation." Tears welled up in Caroline's eyes and she quickly buried her face in her hands. "Stupid hormones!"

"Oh god, please don't cry." Elena quickly pulled Caroline into her arms and rubbed what she hoped was a reassuring hand down her back. Even if Caroline wasn't mad at her for this specific thing, Elena knew that she was reason they were all in this situation to begin with. If she hadn't left, none of this would be happening. Even if Damon was the one currently causing the problem, she was the one that instigated it all, and Caroline was the one paying the price. "I'm sorry," she apologized, now crying herself. "I'm so sorry."

It took some time and a little convincing on her part, but Elena and Bonnie calmed Caroline down and got her cleaned up enough to go down to breakfast without being subjected to any questions from Stefan. They were all in agreement that there was no need to inform Stefan of the talk that had gone on in Elena's room. The tension between the brothers would probably be bad enough already, and they all decided they didn't want to make it worse.

When they entered the kitchen, Damon, Stefan, and Alaric were engrossed in a heated conversation, with Damon on the receiving end of most of the heat. However, as Stefan spotted Caroline, all talking came to a halt and he walked over to her, a smile on his face. "It's about time you came down," he teased while he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her mouth. "Breakfast is almost ready."

"Good," Caroline beamed, smiling up at Stefan in complete adoration, "The baby is starving, and you know what happens when the baby doesn't get food."

Stefan chuckled lightly and brushed his hand lightly over her slightly protruding stomach. "Yes, I do. The baby can rest assured that it will be fed very shortly."

As Stefan and Caroline playfully talked to each other, Elena allowed her gaze to find Damon. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves, and his jaw was clenched tightly in anger. It was the bruising she could see forming under his eyes that gave her pause. She'd really done that to him? A part of her wanted to apologize to him and ask if he was okay, but when his eyes met her, and she was greeted with nothing but fury, she thought better of that.

"While you two are doing your ridiculously nauseating PDA session, I'm going to go make sure Andie is up." Damon breezed out of the kitchen without another glance at anyone in the room.

Even with Damon out of the room, the tension level didn't diminish much as everyone seemed to keep to themselves. Bonnie stuck quietly to Elena's side as they set the table. Alaric stayed by the stove, making sure nothing got burned, but probably really trying to stay out of the fray as much as possible. If there was one thing she'd learned about him over time, it was that he was the least fond of confrontations out of everyone. She suspected it was from the amount of time he'd spent around Damon and Stefan and learning that it was best for everyone involved to stay completely silent unless fists started flying. That had then probably adapted into staying out of any confrontation around him unless it directly involved him. Luckily for him, this one didn't, so he stayed silent. Caroline and Stefan were the only people actively speaking, but that was no surprise. They'd always been unnaturally happy around each other, and with her now being pregnant, they were so attached and ecstatic that nothing could bring them down for long.

"Think it's too early to break out the alcohol?" Bonnie whispered to her as they set plates on the table much more slowly than was needed.

Elena tried to contain her chuckle, but did say, "Not if we make a Bloody Mary. That's a morning drink."

Bonnie nudged Elena's hip with hers. "I like where your head is at, Gilbert."

"Hey Ric, you up for some Bloody Marys?" Elena looked over her shoulder at Ric, whose head shot up at the mention of anything that related to alcohol, showing the main reason why he was best friends with Damon. "I'll take that as a yes?" she laughed.

"The more time you spend asking, the less time you leave us to drink. Hop to it, Elena. I want a drink in my hand five minutes ago."

She smiled and went to the fridge. "I don't think I can handle the second part, but I can handle the first part." She quickly gathered what she would need to provide everyone with more than enough to drink, and with all of her bartender knowledge still rolling around in her head, she had drinks handed out by the time Damon had entered the dining room with a smiling Andie.

As everyone took their seats once the food was on the table, Bonnie whispered in Elena's ear, "I hope you made these strong."

Before Elena could answer, Alaric coughed and then began to cheer. "Man, I've missed your bartending skills! I could marry you, Elena Gilbert!"

Everyone laughed at Alaric's overwhelming excitement over a strong drink, but it was Damon's next comment that brought them back down to earth. "Just don't come to me with your battered woman syndrome."

"Watch it, Damon," Caroline warned as she sat down.

Breakfast started off calmly, with everyone making very specific efforts to not upset Caroline. Damon's part in this had been staying silent. Obviously, he was playing by the old adage of if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Everyone, mostly Elena, was incredibly grateful for this small reprieve from his now usual behavior.

The easy conversation turned down a different road when Andie asked Elena about Northwestern. "What was it like in Chicago? I've visited, but I always thought it would be fun to live there. Was it?"

Knowing how forbidden the topic was, everyone around the table tensed and she could practically hear them holding their breaths for what would come next. Knowing, she didn't have that option, Elena tried to answer as innocently as possible. "Northwestern has two different campuses, and my stuff was on the campus in Evanston. I was only about 20 minutes away from Chicago there. It was just a train ride away."

"Oh, well that must have been somewhat of a letdown," Andie said. "I'm sure you were wanting to live in another big city since it's what you're used to. Was that why you picked Northwestern?"

"Um, I guess," she shrugged. "I applied to a few different places and that one seemed like the best fit at the time."

"Elena, I'm running a little low on the Bloody Mary. Think you could make us some more?"

"Blondie, you're pregnant," Damon pointed out.

"Well," she quickly reached over and grabbed Stefan's, "His is running low. So, more alcohol please?"

"Coming right up." Thankful for the reprieve, Elena hurried into the kitchen, but then took her time mixing the drink together, opting to keep it as strong this time as the last. She needed the courage, and she didn't think Alaric would be too happy with her if she interfered with his desire to ingest as much alcohol as possible during the meal. However, all too soon, she was returning to the dining room with a filled pitcher in hand. "I come bearing gifts."

Ric held his glass high in the air. "You better start down my way."

"What am I, your waitress?" she joked, but started toward him anyway.

"Should I tip you?" Ric teased when she filled his glass.

"I'm no stripper, Ric. I don't accept ones."

"I guess it's true," Damon mused from behind her. "You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bartender out of the girl."

"Okay," Elena smiled brightly and walked away from him. "I think you've reached your morning limit for alcohol."

"But come on," he coaxed, "It feels just like old times. You trying to get guys drunk while you strut around in your barely there attire, meant to garner yourself as many tips as possible." Self-conscious, Elena looked down at her pajama choice of a t-shirt and shorts that were no worse than what Caroline had on. Annoyed, she turned to glare at him from behind the blonde's chair. He smirked and allowed his eyes to roam over her body. "It's how you caught my eye after all."

As she took note of the hurt look on Andie's face, she knew that Damon was hitting more than his intended target. "You were going through a divorce, everyone caught your eye. I wasn't anything special."

"I should concede the point to you on that one. I did get over you quickly enough."

"Hey Damon," Bonnie called out, "How about you get off of Elena's ass long enough to pay attention to your own girlfriend. You can't stand Elena, so why keep talking to her?"

"Hey, tiny judgmental person, how about you stay out of this?" he retorted back.

"I'm not in this," she denied. "I'm just pointing out that you need to grow up."

Damon laughed. "Preaching to the wrong choir here. I'm not the one in this room that doesn't know how to handle my responsibilities. I take care of what I need to take care of. In fact, I think the argument can be made that I take a lot more from people than I should."

"Well I think that argument can be made for my friend right about now." Bonnie crossed her arms over her chest and dared Damon to challenge her.

"What's wrong? Elena can't fight her own battles?"

While everyone turned to look at Elena, Bonnie kept her eyes focused on Damon. "I think your face negates that assumption."

"Oh god," Stefan groaned and covered his eyes.

"You told me that Stefan accidentally hit you when you were working out this morning." Andie looked pointedly at Damon, waiting for a response that he did not give her. "Well what is it, Damon? Did Stefan hit you or was it Elena?"

"Guys, if you can't all play nice, then leave," Caroline warned.

"I'm sorry, Caroline," Andie apologized, "I just need a couple answers and then everything will be fine."

"Trust me, everything will not be fine when you get those answers. So, can we table this for later and let me enjoy my breakfast?" Caroline pleaded.

"Just tell me who hit you and I'll drop it," Andie said, focusing her attention back on Damon.

"I did it," Elena finally spoke up. "I hit him."

Andie allowed her eyes to travel the room and take in the various looks of discomfort on everyone's faces. "I'm sorry, but I'm just really confused right now."

"So much for dropping it," Damon mumbled, leaning far back in his chair, and resting his arms on the arm rests.

"Maybe cause that's all I've been doing lately, Damon," she snapped. "Something is going on that you're keeping me out of."

Damon rolled his eyes. "I'm not keeping you out of anything. Stop being paranoid."

"I'm not stupid, Damon," she said through gritted teeth. "I know that something has changed since Elena got back, but what I can't figure out is why. You told me that the two of you broke up because things weren't working out anymore, and then she went to Chicago for school. So, if it happened like that, why is all of this happening?"

"Can we just talk about this another time?" Damon asked her, this time with a nicer touch to his voice.

"No!" Andie slammed her hand down on her chair. "You've been saying that to me since she got back. I'm either getting answers from you, or I'm going to get them from someone else in this room."

"There are no answers to give," Damon tried to tell her, but she wasn't falling for his game this time.

"Do not do this to me," she whispered to him. "I am not 20 years old anymore. If this is how it's going to be, I'm not sticking around as long as I did last time."

"I'd suggest you do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship now," Caroline advised, giving up on hope that the meal would return to normal, no matter which path she took. "Most women shouldn't be subjected to Damon, even on his best day."

"Really?" Damon challenged, all of his anger now focused on Caroline. "That wasn't what you were telling me after Elena left. In fact, I remember you saying that she'd made a big mistake when she did."

"If you were going to turn back into asshole Damon, even if she didn't go, I'm certainly glad she did," Caroline threw at him.

Damon laughed quietly. "Now there's the Caroline I've missed. I knew she had to still be in there somewhere. There was no way you could keep up the loving sister charade for much longer before things returned to normal, and you took her side."

"Don't you say that to me," she threatened. "I am not choosing any sides. I love you, Damon, but when you insist on acting like this, my patience runs really damn thin, and you've been testing it since the moment Elena got back. It's been two years. The sympathy card expires at some point."

"I never asked for your sympathy."

Caroline leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table, and glared at Damon. "No, but you sure as hell asked for everything from your brother."

"And that involved you how?"

"We were married," she told him slowly, sounding out each syllable of every word. "Things tend to become a two-for-one package in a big relationship, especially when you get to the point of having children. So, if you get sick of me, you're out of luck now."

"Yeah, I more than understand how the baby thing works, Caroline," he snapped. "Had some firsthand experience before I got royally fucked over."

The screeching sound of a fork falling to a plate shattered through the room, serving to remind Damon and Caroline of the audience they did have, namely Andie. Her skin had gone pale as she looked at Damon. "What is she talking about?" she questioned quietly.

"It's nothing," Damon tried to reassure her and began moving his own chair back. "Come upstairs with me and we can talk about a few things."

"I don't want to talk about a few things, Damon!" she yelled. "I want to talk about _this thing_. What did you mean? What are you talking about?"

"Please, just come upstairs with me," he begged her.

"No! If I go upstairs with you, you're just going to lie to me. That's all you've been doing this whole time, and I want answers. For once in your life, just give me the real answer."

"No!" Damon rejected. "I'm not going to do this with everyone around. Either come upstairs with me or don't get any answers. It's up to you."

"And you think they won't tell me anything?" she challenged, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, they haven't for this long, and if they know what's good for them, they'll continue not to. This is between us, not them."

"I think you got us all involved a long time ago, Damon," Stefan spoke up quietly.

"Watch it," Damon warned his brother. "This is between me and my girlfriend. End of story."

"Obviously it's not!" Andie screamed. "This whole thing involves everyone _but me_. I want to know what is so important that you have apparently been lying to me."

"I'm not doing it like this."

"Oh, dear god! Just say it already! Elena had a miscarriage and then ran off to Chicago! That's why Damon hates her! That's what he hasn't told you!" The room fell silent as everyone turned to stare at Caroline in shock and horror – everyone but one person. Andie's gaze bounced from Damon to Elena, her brown eyes wide and almost hollow as she tried to make sense of what she'd just been told. She had to have known what was coming on some level, but she couldn't have prepared herself for that. "Uh-oh," Caroline mumbled, realizing the magnitude of what she'd so ungracefully revealed.

Damon finally turned to Andie, reaching for her hand, only to be met with resistance as she quickly jerked it away and shook her head. "Andie," he tried, but she launched to her feet, sending her chair falling to the floor from the force of her sudden movement.

Her watery gaze locked onto Elena's, and she could see all of her emotions flooding through her brain. "I'm sorry," she whispered before she turned and fled the room.

"Good job, Caroline," Damon snapped at her, throwing his napkin down on the table. "You're lucky you're pregnant." He turned and followed the scorched path his girlfriend had left in her wake, calling after her as he ran up the stairs.

"Well, Happy Birthday, Stefan!" Alaric lifted his glass in the air and then proceeded to drink all of the contents without stopping.

"I messed this all up," Caroline whimpered. She got out of her seat and moved the small distance to her husband's seat, where she climbed onto his lap. "I'm sorry, baby." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and placed a small kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Stefan sighed and pulled Caroline more tightly to him. "It's not your fault. Don't feel bad."

"I just wanted to give you a relaxing weekend for your birthday."

Elena dropped into her vacated seat and filled her empty glass to the top with the red beverage. "I shouldn't have come," Elena admitted. "This isn't your fault, Caroline. I knew he wouldn't want to spend the whole weekend around me. I should have stayed in the city."

"I think a lot of us just made some bad judgment calls this weekend," Stefan acknowledged.

At the sound of shattering glass upstairs, Caroline groaned and buried her face in Stefan's neck. "I think we just broke their relationship."

"Damon wouldn't have these problems if he'd been honest with Andie from the start," Ric pointed out. "I told him it would bite him in the ass, but he never listens to me."

"That might have something to do with the drink permanently attached to your hand," Stefan joked, trying to lighten the mood before Caroline went over the edge.

"You've met your brother, right? Alcohol is a necessity while in his presence."

Elena snorted. "You love him and you know it. You always had to have your weekly boy's night with him. Don't think I've forgotten about that."

Alaric shrugged unapologetically. "What can I say? The man is good for my ego. If he can make anything halfway decent out of his life, surely I'll wind up with the most amazing woman on the planet."

"Oh my god!" Caroline exclaimed, perking up at Alaric's mention of finding a girl. "I have the perfect person for you to meet. She just started a few months ago and she is _precious_. She was a model as a teenager, but decided she liked working behind the scenes instead. She is gorgeous and the sweetest person ever. She eats too!" Caroline jumped to her feet and rushed into the kitchen to grab her phone. "I do not know why I didn't think of this before. She's perfect for you! She's really smart and she always has a book with her. She's twenty-six, and broke up with her boyfriend right before she started working with me. Smile!" Before Alaric could react, Caroline snapped a picture of him. "I'm going to send this to her. You're going to love me forever."

Elena officially loved pregnancy brain.

"Watch out, Elena, she's coming for you next," Bonnie teased, happy that the tension was mostly gone from the room, but at that moment, loud footsteps were heard on the stairs and everyone soon saw Andie going to the front door with her suitcase in hand.

"Come on, Andie, you can't be serious," Damon called after her.

"Oh, I'm dead serious, Damon. I'm going home."

"It was a mistake, okay? I'm sorry." As he followed her outside, slamming the door after him, everyone sighed and looked at each other around the table.

"If we thought this weekend was bad before, it's about to get apocalyptic," Alaric pointed out.

Elena pushed her chair back and rose to her feet. "I'll be right back."

"What are you doing?" Bonnie asked, grabbing Elena's arm.

She looked helplessly at the front door and then back at her friend. "Me coming back is the reason they're in this fight. I should try to help."

"Elena, it's not about you. Don't get involved," Caroline insisted. "Stay out of it."

"I've messed up a lot for Damon. The least I owe him is to not ruin the relationship he's in." She dropped her napkin to the table and walked to the front door, ignoring the fearful eyes at her back. She knew that this had a very big possibility of blowing up in her face. She could very well do much more harm than good right now, but she needed to try. Maybe she'd be able to help explain things in a way that Damon couldn't. This whole thing was about her, which meant it was partly her job to fix it.

Damon was in the middle of trying to block Andie from the car when he spotted Elena coming down the front steps. "Go away, Elena. I think you've done enough damage for one day. "

She remained silent until she reached the angry couple, only speaking when Andie turned to look at her. "Andie, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"You're not the one that needs to apologize," Andie tightly assured her.

"But I am. This is really my fault. I was pregnant, and I did lose the baby. I was really bad to Damon, and things were really hard. That's why I went to Chicago. I know you must feel like we've all been keeping you in the dark, but it wasn't what we were trying to do. None of us talk about that time, even with each other. I hurt a lot of people when I left and Damon was one of those people. He came home one night to find me packing my bags, and I never gave him any real answers about why I was doing what I was doing. I think that's why he hasn't said anything to you. He can't give you answers if I've never given him any. I'm just, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. It wasn't my intention to cause you any pain."

"Thank you," Andie whispered quietly.

"I'll go back inside, but I hope you'll stay. Ric's already drunk in there. It would be a shame for you to miss the show he'll put on for us." She smiled and slowly backed away from the couple, her eyes meeting Damon's for a brief moment. He stared at her in confusion, seemingly unsure of what she'd just done, but he said nothing, only continued to watch her until she turned her back and climbed the stairs to the house.

She didn't know what happened after she went inside, but thirty minutes later, after everyone had cleared the table, and was gathered round the living room, making plans for how to spend the rest of Stefan's birthday, Damon and Andie reentered the house, Damon carrying her suitcase. They gave soft smiles and silent waves as they disappeared up the stairs for the next several hours.

Lunch came and went, with everyone spending their day on the beach, bathing in the sun and waves of the ocean. Alaric, who had only continued to drink, provided the free entertainment for the afternoon, drastically changing the mood of the party. What had been a disastrous birthday weekend was turning into an enjoyable experience. Even though there were some bumpy moments, she was happy she let Bonnie convince her to come. To take any step forward, she had to live her life again, and spending time with everyone was how she was going to do that. Showing them she cared and that she was trying to grow was what would help the most in the long run.

When nighttime fell upon them, she found herself curled up under a blanket with Bonnie and Caroline, happy to be in the arms of her friends. "Stefan probably thinks this was his worst birthday ever, but I think it's been kind of fun," Caroline laughed quietly, linking her arm through Elena's and dropping her head to her shoulder. "Ric always provides some good entertainment."

"It's been good," Elena agreed. "I've liked spending time with you girls. I think this was what I missed most when I was at school." It was true. While she had ached desperately for Damon, she'd felt hollow without her friends. No matter what choices any of them made in life, they had always stayed strong together and they always would. There would be hard times, but they'd come out strong on the other side. She didn't know if she'd ever really move on from Damon, there was still so much love and heartbreak there. However, she did know that she'd never survive if she had to go two years without her best friends ever again.

"I missed having someone else to buffer Caroline's crazy," Bonnie admitted with a laugh. "She's a lot to handle on your own."

"Bonnie just can't say she loved not having to share me," Caroline teased. "You love my crazy."

"I love handing your crazy off to other people." She twisted her head to look at Elena. "So you're stuck with us forever, because if you ever leave again, I'm having her committed."

Elena pulled her arms free and threw them over Bonnie and Caroline's shoulders. "You girls are stuck with me for the long haul." She pulled them tightly toward her, only to end up on top of Bonnie when Caroline tackled them to the sand with an overzealous hug.

"I'm far more amazing than either of you realize, but I love you anyway."

"Alright, you three break it up!" Stefan and Ric came running down the beach, arms loaded down with explosives. "We have fireworks for the birthday boy. "We've had a few explosions this weekend, but we figured we'd end the night with some literal ones." Alaric dropped them to the sand with Stefan not far behind him. "Are you ready for the firework show?"

"Will you let me sing Katy Perry?" Caroline squealed, jumping to her feet.

"Caroline, you sing and I'll throw you in the ocean." Damon's silky voice carried down the beach as he walked down from the house, his hand enclosed in Andie's

Everyone was silent for a moment, unsure of how to react. Damon and Andie had been holed up in the house all day, and nobody was sure if things were fine or if they were just faking it. However, when Andie smiled brightly and said, "Well then you'll be throwing me in the ocean too, because I'm totally singing," everyone relaxed.

"How about Damon stops doling out threats and helps us with these fireworks? Time to prove you're not completely useless," Ric taunted with a broad smile.

"Let's all be clear on one thing," Damon said as he bent down to help situate the explosives. "I am not paying the fine for these fireworks when we get busted by the cops."

"Yeah, cause how ever in the world would you afford them?" Stefan teased, eager to fall into his normal routine with his brother. "Okay, time to set off some fireworks. Ric, don't kill us," he warned as Ric pulled out the lighter he'd be using.

"Stand back and enjoy!

In moments, fireworks lit up the sky, ringing loudly through the air. Caroline leapt over to Stefan and threw her arms around his shoulders. "Happy Birthday, baby!" she cheered

Bonnie slid next to Elena, a bright smile on her face as she stared up at the sky. "The neighbors so hate our guts right now," she laughed.

"They should get over it and enjoy the free show," Elena declared. "And then call 911 for us when Alaric inevitably kills us all with a stray firework."

As the makeshift firework show continued, Elena's eyes slid over to Damon, standing behind Andie, with his arms wrapped around her shoulders. His head rested next to hers as he laughed about something she said to him, and then they shared a soft kiss as a bright firework exploded overhead. It would seem that whatever she'd said today had made some impact.

Watching them, a selfish part of her wished that she hadn't said anything. If she'd stayed quiet, Andie may very well be back in New York City now and her relationship could be very over with Damon. Instead, she was in Damon's arms, laughing and kissing him. She'd done something to help them get to that point and it did hurt to see. There was something very real about seeing him with her now. The relationship seemed more real. He'd truly moved on from her and found an amazing woman.

Almost as if he could feel his eyes on her, Damon's head slowly turned to look at her. They were not filled with anger and confusion, but simple understanding. They were warm and so very reminiscent of how he'd looked at her two years ago. It sent butterflies aflutter in her stomach, and her heart raced just a little more quickly. When the corner of his mouth tugged up into a small smile for the briefest of seconds, something bloomed to life inside of her. In that moment, she knew, no matter what happened after they went back home, something had changed this weekend. She'd taken one small step toward something better—toward him.


	28. 9 Crimes

Author's Note: I am back with another chapter! It's not quite as long as the last one, so I'm sure your eyes thank me. I am so overwhelmed by the response this story still gets. I got a record number of 67 reviews the last chapter! 67! That is absolutely insane, and it means so much to me. I am so happy that I have been able to give you all a story that you're enjoying and feel invested in. There are 319 alerts set up for this story and it has been added to some of your favorites 284 times. That blows my mind that so many of you all love this story as much as I do, because I really do. This is like my baby. I hold it so dear to my heart. I've put in a lot of time and effort with it, and I'm glad that so many of you are enjoying it so much. As always, I need to thank my amazing beta. She's been great these last few chapters, helping me sort through so many things. We've gotten some big stuff laid out and I would not be able to make nearly as cohesive of a story if I did not have her help. She rocks!

**Chapter 27**

**It's the wrong time  
>She's pulling me through<br>It's a small crime  
>And I got no excuse <strong>

The bedroom was filled in a thick silence as Caroline and Damon stared at each other. Neither knew what else to say. So, when Sawyer stirred in his sleep, they both happily took the distraction. Caroline crept over to the bed to see if he was waking up, but when he made no other movements, she sighed in relief and stepped away from the bed. "I think I would've cried if he woke up," she quietly revealed.

"How long does he usually nap for?"

"Probably about two hours, but the schedule is all messed up today." She whimpered pitifully and shook her head. "How come when your dad was doling out all these words of wisdom during my pregnancy, he never actually gave any advice about anything? No one tells you about the days when your kid just cries for no reason. So you freak out, because you think that something has to be wrong. Why would your child be crying otherwise? But nothing is wrong, and all I can do is listen to him cry until he finally falls asleep, and it sucks." Tears glistened in her blue eyes. "Do you know how much of a failure I feel like when my son is upset and I can't fix it?"

Even though Damon didn't have a child, he knew what it felt like to not be in control. She felt helpless and like she must be doing something wrong, but she didn't know how to fix it. He knew firsthand how much that sucked to not know how to change something or make it better, but relaying this knowledge to her would take them down a road they couldn't go down today. He had to settle for trying to comfort her and hope that it would do the trick.

"You're not a failure," he assured her. "I see you with him, and you're great. You and Stefan are both great. It's just been a rough day."

She laughed before quickly covering her mouth with her hand. "That's such an understatement," she said from behind it.

"Yeah, you're probably right," he agreed. "When I proposed to Andie, I really didn't picture my wedding day being like this."

"Did you even imagine you'd have a wedding day when you proposed to her?" Caroline fired back quickly; in only a tone that Caroline could carry and not leave him wanting to wring her neck. If Stefan had just asked the same question, he'd probably punch him.

"I wouldn't have proposed to her if I didn't."

Caroline narrowed her eyes and looked at him as if she were trying to see into his soul. "I don't get you sometimes, Damon. Some days you're just a complete enigma."

"I don't see how that's bad." He smirked at her. "Most men like being a little mysterious."

"With the women they're tying to get into bed. Last time I checked, you don't want to bed me, and if you do, I can promise you that my looks are totally deceiving right now. I gave birth three months ago; this put-together appearance is all a smoke show. There's nothing hot or attractive under this outfit."

Damon chuckled at Caroline's musings that once used to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Now, they sounded like something akin to background noise. He was so used to them now that they simply didn't bother them. They were almost somewhat of a comfort to him now. Her habit of rambling, jumping from one subject to the other before everyone even comprehended what her first subject really was about, was now an endearing trait of hers, a trait that he now enjoyed. Not enough to want to sleep with her, though.

"If I've translated this correctly, you're telling me that I shouldn't be a mystery to you because I'm not trying to sleep with you. Am I right?" She gleefully smiled and nodded her head. "So, how exactly am I so mysterious?"

"Looking at you is something like looking at a person with a split personality disorder." He opened his mouth in protest, but she quickly held her hand up to let her get her thought out. "Some days you seem completely normal, completely Damon. Then there are the days where you look like you don't know what the hell your life has become, or how you even got here. You spend all your time telling us one thing, but rarely does it match up with what we see. So, again, I don't get you sometimes."

"There's really not much to get."

"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" she questioned, with a bite to her voice.

He was taken aback by the question, unsure of where it was coming from. He'd once thought she hadn't been the brightest crayon in the box, but he realized now that she was brilliant, just in a different way than most people knew to look for. "I don't think you're stupid. I think you see a lot more than most of us would rather, which means getting a running commentary from you that we don't want. So, just because everyone tries to ignore you, it doesn't mean we think you're stupid."

Caroline toyed with her necklace around her neck, sliding it back and forth as she contemplated her words. "Let's try this commentary," she started out slowly. "I'm not blind, but you think I am. You think I didn't see half of what really went on this past year, but I did. I know a lot more happened with you and Elena than met the eye. I saw the smaller crowd because you and her were both off doing whatever it was you did. I saw the looks. I saw the jealousy and the anger and the gut wrenching pain. I saw all of that, Damon, and that's why you're confusing. We're standing here getting ready for your wedding with Andie, a whole other story has been written involving the three of you that I don't think either of them really know about." She took a small step toward him, tilting her head back to maintain eye contact. "I get that I'm not the smartest person in the world, or that I tend to push what I want for everyone over what everyone else tells me they want, but I'm damn observant. And what I've observed over this past year paints a very different story than you're trying to tell. Give me some credit for that."

* * *

><p>An offensive beeping noise reverberated in Damon's brain, causing him to groan in annoyance. He was far too tired and comfortable to hear any such noise so early in the morning. He waved his hand out next to him, banging it down to try and silence the noise. "Make it stop," he groaned. "Make it go away."<p>

A pained grunt sounded from beside him, and soon Andie was complaining, "Stop it, you're not at your place." She shoved his arm away from her, and nowhere near soon enough, after some rustling in the bed, the room fell silent again. "You're going to break my ribs doing that one day."

He and Andie had been staying at each other's places more than normal lately, but his mind hadn't quite adjusted. At least once a week, the alarm would sound and, thinking it was his alarm, he would try to turn it off, but end up hitting Andie instead. Needless to say, this did not make her happy. However, he wasn't very fond of what time her alarm went off either, so they came out on even footing. He could handle six in the morning, but Andie's five a.m. alarm pushed the envelope too far for him.

In as manly a way as possible, Damon whimpered and buried his head beneath his pillow. "You turn on the light and I will break all the lights in your room," he threatened.

He felt a smooth hand run down his bare back. "You are less of a morning person now than you were in college."

"Cause I'm old," he informed her. "Wake me up when you're almost ready."

They'd been dating long enough now to form a routine for the mornings they woke up together. She would wake up at the ungodly hour of five, he would moan and complain until she disappeared into the bathroom for the next hour to go about getting ready, and after she was mostly ready, she'd wake him up to get ready. She would then finish getting ready while he showered, bid him goodbye with a quick kiss once he was out, and then grab a quick breakfast for herself before running off to work.

It was simple and consistent, something he hadn't had in his life in a long time. After a year of waking up with little to no memory of how he'd spent his previous night, it was nice to wake up and know exactly how he'd ended up in his bed or Andie's. She grounded him on the days when he wanted nothing more than to forget about everything and bury it all in a bottle of scotch.

When they went to the Hamptons last month to celebrate Stefan's birthday, he thought he'd lost that. When the truth came out during the breakfast from hell, he'd been sure that they were over. She hadn't been just mad at him for lying to her; she'd been devastated. They'd known each other for over ten years. He wasn't supposed to lie to her, but he had. She'd trusted him and he betrayed that. The fight had been unlike anything he'd ever thought he would have with her. Sure, they got frustrated with each other, but they didn't fight like they had that day, and when she packed up her bags and stormed out of the house, he'd thought that was it.

Somehow, Elena had come through with what could only be described as a hail Mary pass, and turned everything around. For some reason, her apology and subsequent explanation had done something to help him out. As he had been trying to figure out a way to fix things with Andie, it had never crossed his mind that Elena could be the key to it, but she was. It opened up the door for him to try and explain things to Andie the best that he could, but he knew they both realized he didn't do a very good job at that.

After he convinced her to come back inside, they'd spent hours in their bedroom, talking and a little bit of crying from her. He tried to open up to her, but it had been hard. Elena had been right when she said that he didn't know how to give Andie answers when he didn't really have any himself. As much as he loathed acknowledging it, Elena had been telling the truth. There really weren't answers that he had. When he'd thrown Elena out that fateful night two years ago, he locked the door on any hope of understanding what had truly happened.

So, while his explanations hadn't offered much comfort to Andie, they provided her enough hope that he was trying. In all the time they'd known each other, that's all she'd ever wanted from him. She just wanted him to put an effort into things. If she was going to stick it out with him, he would try.

Sometime later, he felt a hand on his shoulder as Andie shook him. "Damon, come on, time to get up."

"Ugh, let me stay in bed. No work today."

She chuckled lightly and pulled the pillow off of his head. "You don't mean that. Besides, your father is going to be at dinner tonight. Think how much worse it will be if you don't go to work and he lectures you the entire time."

"Fine." He sat up and threw the covers from his body. "You win. I'll go to work, but don't think I like it," he threatened, but then smiled and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her lips. "Morning," he whispered, letting his hand skim over her lower back.

"Good morning." She smiled against his lips and relished in the moment for a short time before pulling away and playfully slapping his shoulder. "Now stop distracting me and get ready. I can't be late today."

"I hate your job," he griped as he allowed her to slip from his grasp. "You work too much."

She threw a disbelieving look over her shoulder as she wandered back into her bathroom. "You're one to talk. You may have toned it down recently, but you work as much as I do."

"Nearly half of my work involves dinners and parties where I get to consume alcohol. Your job requires you to stay sober and write more in one week than I've written in a year." He turned on the shower in her bathroom and turned to meet her eyes in the mirror as she applied her makeup. "Not to mention, it's keeping you from coming to dinner with me tonight and charming the pants off my father."

"Your father barely likes me, and the only reason he does is because I'm from a respectable family."

"Let's not push it," he teased. "Your father is a politician."

"Who hasn't been caught in a scandal, thank you very much."

Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he removed his boxers and said, "As of right now."

Andie's father being a politician was somewhat of a point of contention for them. When he met Andie, her father had just won a seat in the Senate, and he was adamantly against the apple of his eye dating Damon, no matter how much money his family had. So, when they finally did start dating, her father was livid. Damon had never been a fan favorite with parents of the girls he dated, but he was the scum of the earth for her father. Granted, he wasn't anything good for Andie at the time, so he couldn't really blame the guy. He cheated on her more than once during their relationship, a fact that she was very well aware of, but they were young and stupid. They made dumb decisions and reacted to them with even dumber ones.

Their dumbest one had come right after they graduated from Yale. Her father found her a job in Washington, and she agreed to take it. He knew she wouldn't like it. She didn't know anyone there, and he told her that, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to find a job at a paper that good without her father's help, and he wouldn't help her stay with Damon. It lead to bad choices on his part because he was naïve and wanted her to come to New York with him, even though he hadn't treated her well during their relationship. So, they broke up, classified their romance as a college fling, and went on their separate ways.

They would see each other from time to time when she came to town for business, but their friendship didn't recover for a long time. Even though they would joke around and have fun when they saw each other, it wasn't until after Elena left that things returned to how they had been before they got together. Maybe that was why he was with Andie again. It had been the natural progression in college, but he hadn't been mature enough to handle a real relationship then. This time, he was older, had lived a little, and knew what a relationship took. Granted, just because he knew, didn't mean he always did it, but the knowledge was there. Maybe this time could be different. Even if things hadn't ended on perfect terms in college, no hearts had been broken. Outside of the typical college dramatics, she had been the easiest relationship he'd ever had. After the debacle with Katherine and the complete and utter disaster that was Elena, he needed easy. Andie gave him that.

"How about we not talk about my father so early in the morning?" she questioned as he stepped into the shower. "That is all completely beside the point anyway. I know you want me at dinner tonight, but I have to follow up on a lead for a story. She's a nervous woman, and I'm letting her call the shots for now. I can't afford to lose this story."

"If I ruin my relationship with my brother because I punch my father or do something equally as horrible, I will blame you."

"Caroline and your brother are announcing whether they're having a boy or a girl, don't ruin that for them. And you know that's exactly why I don't need to be there tonight."

After the class five hurricane that was Stefan's birthday weekend, Andie had mostly steered clear of his family and friends, and he couldn't blame her. She wasn't mad at anyone. No, that honor was saved specifically for him. She was just nervous to be around them. Once she began to understand the magnitude of how badly things had ended with Elena, she didn't know if it was best for her to be around. There was an odd version of the Cold War going on amongst all the aspects of his life and it wasn't fun.

"You can't avoid them forever, Andie. They all like you just fine. It's me everyone always has a problem with."

"I told Elena that girls don't look back on their relationships and get upset that they don't have a baby. I looked like the biggest idiot on the planet!"

As he washed the shampoo out of his hair, Damon realized he'd opened a complete can of worms by bringing up the dinner tonight. He should've known Elena was the real reason Andie really didn't want to go. If there was one person she especially didn't want to see after that weekend, it was Elena. It had been one thing to be around her when she thought the relationship had ended amicably, but knowing how it _really_ ended changed everything. Andie had been under the impression that Katherine was _the ex_ to worry about. She didn't feel that way anymore.

"Trust me, I was the one that looked like an idiot that weekend. I have gotten lectures galore from my brother and Caroline. You weren't even a blip on the radar."

"Oh well," he heard her sigh. "It's a moot point anyway. I'm not making an excuse when I say that I can't go. I really can't go. I have to get this story before someone else does."

Finished with his quick shower, he turned off the water and stepped out of the steamy enclosure. He wrapped the towel around his hips and met her eyes in the mirror again. "Just promise that you're going to stop avoiding things from now on. Okay?"

Andie closed her lipstick and turned around to face him. With a pensive look on her face, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Just don't lie to me again. It doesn't help anyone when you throw me into those situations completely clueless of what's going on around me. I look stupid and I'm _not_ stupid."

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

She slowly shook her head and looked down at the floor. "I don't want to have to act like you're a lead I'm investigating for a story, Damon. I shouldn't have to be an investigative journalist with you. You're my boyfriend."

"And you won't," he swore, sliding up in front of her and resting his hands low on her hips. "I should've told you sooner, but you know the truth now. I won't lie to you again."

"No lies?" she questioned, looking up to meet his gaze.

"No lies."

"Do I have anything to be worried about with Elena?" The question was so blunt and out of left field that Damon stumbled back. Dressed in her work attire and her hair pulled back in that high ponytail, she looked every bit the investigative journalist she was.

"So much for not treating me like a lead in your story," he scoffed.

"You're deflecting."

"And you're asking a ridiculous question. She ran off to Chicago with no warning. Elena is the last person I want to be with."

Andie smiled tightly and shook her head, telling Damon that he hadn't given her the correct answer at all, but he didn't know what the right one would be. He didn't want to be with Elena. He wanted to be with her. That's what mattered, right?

"I need to go to work, but I'll call you later, see how the dinner went."

She turned to leave, but he grabbed her hand and twisted her back around. "Are we okay?"

"As long as you're honest with me we'll be fine." She pulled her arm from his grasp and stepped away from him. "I really do need to go. Lock up when you leave."

When he heard the door to Andie's apartment close minutes later he knew that the conversation wasn't over. It may be dormant for a while, maybe even a few months, but it wasn't over, and that was exactly why he hadn't told her about everything with Elena. If they had discussed Elena that one weekend and let it go, things would be fine, but he hated talking about the ex. He'd had to do it with Elena from time to time, and it had been frustrating. Talking about Elena to Andie was just excruciating. None of his answers would satisfy her. No answers about an ex ever satisfied the current girlfriend.

Instead of letting his thoughts wander too much about Elena and Andie and any subsequent conversations that would surely come, he blocked it all from his mind. He threw himself into his work just like he had every day since he got back from his "extended vacation" as his father had called it. He handled meetings and pitching ideas, and all without having to deal with girl problems or his father. All in all, his day was turning out quite well, but he knew it would all take a turn when he went to his brother's place for dinner.

When he let himself into Stefan and Caroline's penthouse, he could already smell the roast that was cooking, and he found his brother and sister-in-law cuddled on the couch with an odd device pressed to her stomach. "Tell your child to stop moving so I can find the heartbeat," Caroline demanded of Stefan.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Damon rounded the couch and deposited his jacket over the back.

The couple jumped in surprise at the sound of his voice. "We have a doorbell, you know," Caroline complained.

"Cause you don't ever let yourself into my place." He dropped down to the large sectional couch and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Again, I ask, what the hell are you two doing? You look like freaks."

Caroline glanced down at her exposed stomach. "Trying to find the heartbeat."

"What?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and held up the white device in her hands. "This little thing called a doppler lets us hear the heartbeat, but the baby won't quit moving around."

"There is no way you can tell if the baby is moving," Stefan told her.

"I can too," she protested. "You're just jealous cause you can't."

"Okay," Damon held his hands up in a surrendering motion, "I'm sorry I even asked. You two are clearly out of your minds."

"Whatever." Caroline grabbed the towel from Stefan's hands and quickly wiped her stomach before pulling her shirt down. "We'll just do this later, since you're all judgmental and rude!"

"I'm not judgmental, you two are just crazy." He relaxed back into the cushions and rested his arms behind his head. "So, what is it? Are you having a boy or a girl?"

Caroline narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not telling you anything. You'll have to find out along with everyone else."

Damon sighed. "You're gonna be completely obnoxious until you tell us, aren't you?"

She happily nodded her head. "Yup!"

He grimaced at the thought of all of the hoops that Caroline would surely make everyone jump through before she finally told everyone whether it was a boy or a girl. On the thought of everyone, he asked, "Who exactly is coming tonight?"

Stefan and Caroline shared a nervous look before Stefan jumped right in. "Dad, Mason, Whitney, Bonnie, and Elena."

"Do you want to relive getting my stomach pumped?"

Stefan tensed at the mention of Damon's alcohol poisoning. "You know I don't like jokes like that."

"Well, how did you think I'd react to sharing a room with all of them?

"I'd think that you'd be excited to find out whether you're having a niece or a nephew and let all of your other issues go for one night. That's what I thought."

"Hey," Caroline intervened and ran a calming hand across Stefan's back, "Let's all try and be nice tonight. Damon, things are better with your dad right now. Mason and you do actually like each other, though you'd both loathe to admit it. And if you can't suck it up and be in the same room as Elena after what she did for you with Andie, then you're an asshole."

"Let's not get carried away. One good deed doesn't change what she did two years ago."

"But it's something," Caroline insisted firmly. "She's trying, Damon. We just need you to try for one night. Okay?"

As he watched Caroline reason with him in the best way she knew how, with her hand resting on her now rounded stomach, and her legs draped over his brother's, he knew that he had to give her what she wanted. It would be hard to be civil around her on tonight of all nights, when old wounds were only going to get reopened with the announcement of the gender, but it was a big night for Stefan and Caroline. All they wanted was a little support and effort, and right now they were asking for it from the one person that could mess up the entire night. It all rested on him tonight.

"I'll play nice," he finally agreed. "No rude comments, no fighting, no excessive drinking. I promise to act like a decent human being."

Caroline heaved a hefty sigh, a relieved smile on her face. "That's all we ask for."

Lies!

It had all been a pack of lies!

Caroline had looked him in the eyes and promised that the only thing she asked of him that night was to be nice. There had been no agreements of his participation in stupid games where everyone was supposed to guess whether it was a girl or a boy. He had not agreed to give suggestions for names. He had not agreed to place bets on when the baby would be born. He did not sign up for game night when he came over. He agreed to dinner, a few glasses of scotch, finding out what they were having, and not making anyone cry. That was it. So, how was it he'd now found himself sitting on their couch with a stupid notepad on his lap, waiting for the next instructions on what they were to do before they could find out whether it was a boy or a girl?

"Damon Jr. does not count as an optional choice to put down for name suggestions." Stefan looked up from the sheet that Damon had given him with all of his name ideas. Apparently, they weren't allowed though.

"Hey, I think Damon is a great name. It's worked out great for me."

"You're not trying!" Caroline whined and snatched the paper form her husband's hands. He watched her skim over his list, her eyes widening more with each passing moment. "I'm not naming my kid Damona!"

"Hey, that could be a great name for a girl!"

She balled up the piece of paper and threw it at his head. "No more suggestions from you."

"Oh, thank god!" he exclaimed in joy, tossing his notepad and pen in the air for dramatic affect. "Does this mean we can find out now?"

"You are so impatient," she complained. "It's coming soon."

"That's what you said an hour ago!"

"Even though it kills a part of my soul to say this, I agree with Damon," Bonnie spoke up from the other end of the couch. After she got the words out, she quickly grimaced and shook her head. "That hurt."

Elena snickered and brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she turned away from everyone. She'd appeared to be in a good mood tonight, spending most of the evening close to Bonnie. Since she'd returned, Bonnie had been like her Siamese twin, completely attached at her hip. There was rarely one around without the other, and Bonnie played a fierce protector. After how he'd revealed Caroline's pregnancy, he could hardly look at Elena without getting a piercing glare from her pint-sized friend.

He'd given her no reason to glare at him tonight though. No, he'd been the picture of a perfect gentleman. There had been no snide remarks toward Elena, or anything resembling sarcasm. He had simply avoided speaking to her at all costs. If she was a part of a discussion, he wasn't, and if she joined it, he left. He knew that if he talked to her, he'd only say something that would upset her and then get everyone else mad at him. He also wasn't angling for another shot to his nose from her. Looks were certainly deceiving. The girl had some power in her right arm, even if she didn't know how to throw a proper punch.

"Okay, fine, are you ready to know if it's a boy or a girl?" Caroline questioned, a wide smile across her face that conveyed she wouldn't be able to hold the truth in for much longer. He suspected her games had been more of an abuse of her power than of any desire to really get their input on anything. If there was one thing she loved, it was being the center of attention, and with the news she had tonight, she certainly got it.

"Oh, just give it up already, Blondie," Damon said, exasperated with the waiting game. "Just tell us and get it over with."

"I think what my son is trying to say is that we would love to know the news," Giuseppe spoke up from his place a few feet down the couch.

Damon rolled his eyes, but kept his comments to himself. Seeing how his father behaved around Caroline was equal parts disgusting and confusing. The man who had never met a girlfriend that his sons dated and liked her, suddenly became a normal person around Caroline. He smiled and engaged in normal conversations. It was a complete mind fuck to watch, even four years later.

"Thank you, Giuseppe," Caroline smiled brightly in his direction. "So, you all ready?"

When everyone groaned, Stefan lightly squeezed Caroline's hip. "I think they're ready, honey."

"Okay!" Caroline bounced slightly in giddy anticipation, almost as if she was about to find out the gender for herself. Finally, she put everyone out of their misery and revealed, "We're having a boy!"

As everyone began to react to the news, Damon's eyes fell on Elena. Her face was blank as the words sunk in, and then, just for a moment, the briefest flash of agony crossed her features. Before anyone could notice, a bright smile spread over her face and her eyes lit up with immeasurable joy. She jumped to her feet and threw her arms around Caroline at the same moment that Bonnie did, all three women tangling together in a web of arms and tears. "Congratulations!" she exclaimed.

Damon forced his gaze away from the women before anyone could question him on what he was staring at. He instead focused his attention on his brother, who was currently being congratulated by their father. With a smile on his face, he approached them. "How many years did you tack back onto your life once you found out it was a boy?"

Stefan laughed for a moment before saying, "At least fifteen."

"You're so lucky you have me as a brother. This kid is going to need me around to teach him the really important things about being a man."

"And there they go again," Stefan said. "You're never to be around my child without supervision."

Damon scoffed. "You're just scared he'll totally realize how cool I am and want to live with me."

Giuseppe thought it wise to cut in at this moment. "For your sake, I hope your son is nothing like your brother when he was born."

"And here I thought I'd just grown into a disappointment," Damon deadpanned. "Turns out I was just born one."

"Damon," his father chastised, "I didn't mean it like that. You didn't allow me to finish."

"Oh, by all means then." He swept his arm out in front of him, as if giving his father the floor.

"I was going to say you had colic. You cried for hours every night for months. Nothing your mother or I did calmed you down. Why do you think it took us four years to have your brother?"

"So, basically Damon was a pain in the ass straight out of the womb?" Stefan joked, earning a glare from Damon.

"I don't think anyone ever questioned anything to the contrary," Damon pointed out. "And besides, I don't remember you being so fun when you were a baby. You threw up all over everything."

"Probably because I saw your face." Damon playfully punched his brother, knowing their barbs were all in good jest. Neither really knew how to properly convey when they were happy for each other. The only thing they could do was make fun of each other. Their maturity levels were obviously above and beyond anyone else on the planet.

Mason came over next to Stefan and threw his arm around Stefan's neck. "For your sake, I hope your baby takes after your wife, cause we know your money is the only thing that landed you someone as hot as Caroline."

Stefan laughed and struggled free from Mason. "I think you have my marriage mistaken for yours. My pretty face was what drew her in."

"And those muscles," Caroline piped in from the other side of the living room, where she was currently surrounded by all the women and showing them baby clothes she'd already broken out.

As torturous as the past two hours had been, seeing his brother practically levitate from sheer happiness made it all worth it. The dull ache in his gut couldn't keep him from being happy for his brother. He knew how much Stefan and Caroline had wanted this, so he wanted it for them, even if he never got to have it for himself.

So, for the next hour, he smiled and said all the right things. He picked on Caroline when the situation called for it. He teased his brother mercilessly. He even had a civil conversation with his dad. He hit all the right notes and played the perfect part of the supportive brother, but it hurt like hell. As much as he hated to admit it, he got it when he saw the look on Elena's face. In that moment, he felt that same devastation. They'd never made it that far, and that would hurt for the rest of his life, no matter how happy he was for Stefan.

When he knew he was reaching his limit and began feeling claustrophobic, he quietly disappeared from the living room, hoping no one would notice his absence for a few minutes. With a quick look around him to make sure no one could see him, Damon slipped into the guest bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him. He needed a few moments away from everything. And he needed more alcohol. He turned on his heel, intent to remedy his problem, but he was quickly met with Elena's back. She sat on the bed, her head hung low as she slowly breathed in and out.

Apparently he hadn't been the only one with this idea.

"I threw up on that." At the sound of his voice, Elena startled and then looked down at the bed before jumping to her feet. He chuckled at the distorted look on her face. "Don't worry, they've redecorated since then."

Her face relaxed a bit at his words, but she wore a look of confusion. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Escaping," he answered easily while going over to the dresser. "What's your excuse?" He turned his back to her and opened the bottom drawer of the dresser. He pulled out a few boxes of old wedding presents Caroline and Stefan had received and unveiled his trusty stash of scotch. With a triumphant smile, he held the bottle up and kissed it. "I've missed you," he said to the amber colored liquid. It had been ages since he'd hidden any alcohol in the guest room and he hadn't known if it would still be around.

"You're hoarding alcohol at your brother's?" Elena's dumbfounded voice pulled him from his happy reunion with the bottle of scotch.

"Have you met Caroline?" He twisted the top off the bottle and began to pour it into his empty glass. Lifting his head slightly, he met her eyes in the mirror just as she opened her mouth to speak. "That's rhetorical by the way."

She sighed and he could see her gaze slide to the door. "I should go. I've been back here a while."

He turned and watched her slowly walk toward the door, but before she could leave, he said, "I saw your reaction when Caroline said it was a boy."

She froze at his words, her hand hovering above the doorknob. "What reaction? I was happy. I _am_ happy."

"Before that." He took a slow sip of his beverage, mulling over his next words. "I saw the look on your face."

Her back stiffened and she dropped her hand to her side. "What's your point?" She twisted on her heel and looked over at him leaning casually against the dresser. "If you're trying to say I'm not really happy, I am. She's my best friend. I'm ecstatic for her."

"Maybe," he allowed with a shrug of his shoulders. "But you're also devastated."

"I'm still happy," she insisted.

"I'm not saying you aren't. I'm just telling you what I saw."

"What's your game, Damon? You going to go tell Caroline I'm maybe having a moment of being upset that it's not me? You won't just hurt me if you do that; you'll hurt Caroline too. She'll feel horrible."

"Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone anything. There's no game I'm playing. I guess what I'm trying to say in my halfway drunken stupor is that I get it, okay?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Really?" she questioned with a hint of annoyance. "You get it? Tell me, what is it that you _get_?"

"That it sucks," he answered bluntly. "As happy I am for my brother and Caroline it fucking sucks." She nervously crossed her arms over her chest and averted her eyes. "What? Didn't think I cared?"

"I don't know what to think where you're concerned," she admitted quietly. "I have no idea what's going on in your head."

"I think you don't care. My feelings didn't have any room in your determination to shut everyone out."

"That's not true." She fervently shook her head. "I wasn't lying when I told Andie it was my fault. What happened with us is my fault. I was selfish when I left, but I did care. I still do."

"If you cared so much, then why did you leave? You told Andie you didn't give me any answers then, give them to me now."

Either the alcohol was really starting to set in or Damon had officially lost his mind, because there was no logical reason for opening up this wound with Elena. Nothing she said would change anything. All the answers in the world wouldn't matter, but he still wanted to know. He wanted to hear what she had to say, what she could possibly come up with to justify why she'd done what she did.

She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He could see her slowly sifting through information in her head, unsure of where to start. "I hated myself," she finally whispered. "I felt like I was drowning in it all and I didn't know a way out. I didn't even have the will to feed myself most days. The thought of trying to be there for you felt suffocating. I couldn't take care of myself, how could I do anything for you that wouldn't bring you down with me? I thought I had to do it on my own. I thought I'd only mess everything up for all of you, so I told myself that Chicago was my only option. By the time reality set in, I was stuck. I couldn't come home."

"I didn't want you to take care of me, Elena," he groaned in exasperation, repeating the words he'd said to her more than a dozen times before she fled to Chicago. A part of him wanted to walk over to her and shake her until some form of sense would sink into her dense head. "I just wanted you to be there."

"I didn't know how," she choked out. "I was depressed and I spent my days second guessing everything about me and our relationship."

"Us?" he questioned in confusion. "What was there to question about us?"

"I started wondering if everything was real, or if we'd convinced ourselves it was because I got pregnant. I didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was a mess in my head."

"Everything was real with us," he hissed. "You're stupid if you convinced yourself otherwise."

"I was stupid," she readily agreed. "Of course I was stupid. I didn't know how to handle what was happening."

"God, you act like you were completely alone, Elena. You had Caroline. You had Bonnie. You had _me_."

"I know that!" she exclaimed softly. "I was barely 23 years old, Damon. Are you telling me that you really would have been equipped to handle everything at 23? By your own admission, you were 24 before you could even handle only being with one woman."

Her words quickly took the air out of his sails. She was right. There was no way he had been ready for that at her age. Just this morning he was thinking of how stupid he'd been after he graduated. That was why his relationship with Andie had ended. Neither had been prepared for all that a serious relationship would entail. He hadn't held that against her, but he held everything against Elena.

"I wasn't," he finally said. "You're right, okay? Hell, if I'd been your age when you got pregnant, I probably would have been the guy you thought I was and given you money to get rid of it or simply abandoned you."

"So why is it so unfathomable to you that I was young and I made a mistake? Now, at 25, I wouldn't do that, but at 23, I was scared out of my mind." He looked at her with her pleading eyes and a sense of desperation for him to just hear what she was saying. Something inside of him wanted to tell her that he did hear her. He did understand what she was saying on some level, but then she spoke again, and jerked him straight back down to earth. "I said it all in my letter, that I was scared and how sorry I was. I tried to explain things then. I guess I didn't do a good job."

The reminder of the letter took him back to the day after she left, when he woke up after having his stomach pumped, broken and angry. Caroline had given him the letter in some futile hope that it would help him somehow. How the hell was a letter supposed to help anything? And that's when he snapped, "I wouldn't know. I didn't read it." She flinched at the venom in his voice, surprised at the sudden outburst, but he didn't care. What the hell was he doing in here with her? He couldn't be this guy anymore, the one that wanted to understand her and make things better. He couldn't do it.

"Why didn't you read it?"

"Didn't matter." He dismissively shrugged his shoulders and finished the rest of his drink. "It was a stupid letter, Elena. You didn't really think it would accomplish anything, did you?"

"I thought I owed you that much."

"You owed me a hell of a lot more than that," he bit out. "Doesn't matter anymore, though. I threw it away, kind of like you threw us away." Needing to distance himself from her, he quickly replaced the bottle of scotch in the dresser and made his way toward the door. "Nice chat. Let's not do this again sometime."

"You know I'm right," she called out to him. "That's why you're leaving. I was stupid and I'll never argue that, but you get it now. On some level, you get it."

He spun around on his heel. "Maybe I do," he conceded, "But it really doesn't matter, does it? I'll never know how I would've behaved had I been in that situation at 23, but I know one thing. If I had been in that situation with you, I would've tried because I loved you. It wasn't about being scared and young. You told me you loved me, so you should have tried." He sadly shook his head. "You should have fucking tried."

"I'm trying now," she told him quietly.

He turned his head and met her gaze, staring into the eyes that he once thought held the key to everything. He could see the sense of pleading in them and the desire to have some breakthrough with him, and even if they had on some level had one, it wasn't enough. So, when he softly spoke his next words and watched her face fall, he knew that he wasn't the only one that gained some form of understanding in this room. "It's too late." She let him leave without saying anything else.

After leaving Elena alone in the room, Damon found everyone still gathered in the living room, talking quietly. He approached his brother, a small smile on his face. "Hey, I think I'm going to head out now."

Stefan turned from his conversation with their father. "What? It's not even ten."

"I know, but I'm tired. Andie wakes up at five in the morning." He pulled Stefan into a quick hug. "Congratulations about the baby. It's great!"

Stefan was beaming when they pulled apart. "It is, isn't it?"

"It really is. I'm happy for you." He meant the words when he said them to his brother, but he'd also meant it when he told Elena that it sucked. Of course it sucked. He never got this moment that Stefan and Caroline had. He never got a chance to know, and that sucked.

"Thanks," Stefan said sincerely, his eyes brimming with joy. "Don't forget to say goodbye to Caroline. She'll pitch a fit if you leave without telling her."

He smiled and clapped a hand on Stefan's shoulder. "It's what I'm going to do right now." With a curt nod to his father he moved over to Caroline, who was smiling and babbling away about something having to do with birthing plans, whatever those were.

"I haven't decided yet whether I want to go natural or have an epidural. My doctor says I don't need to make a decision right now, but I want to have some idea of what I want to do. Then again, you hear about those women who are in labor for more than a day, and I just don't know if I can handle pain for that long." She was slightly out of breath when she finished her ramblings, but she still smiled and ran her small hand over her rounded stomach. "What do you think, Damon?" she asked him when he approached.

"I think I have no idea what you're talking about," he answered honestly. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I left. I need to get home."

Caroline's eyes widened. "Already? It's still so early." When her slight protestations were accompanied by a yawn he knew she wouldn't be lasting much longer in the night anyway.

"I know, but I need to get home. We'll go out to dinner this week, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good." Caroline leaned forward and enveloped Damon in a loving embrace. "Thank you for tonight," she whispered in his ear. "It meant a lot."

He squeezed her tightly before pulling away and playfully grabbing her chin with his thumb and forefinger. "Anything for you, Blondie."

Her eyes strayed for a moment finding something of deep interest and slight concern, but before he could turn to see, her eyes twinkled with delight. "I'm going to remind you of that sometime soon."

"I have no doubt." He quickly bid farewell to everyone and exited the penthouse, ready to be home and have a few moments to breathe.

His brain was filled to capacity with warring emotions and he didn't know how to comprehend any of it. Despite all of his efforts, he had understood where Elena was coming from tonight. He got it. He remembered being 22 and not wanting to be responsible for anything. He didn't want to commit to anyone for any period of time. All he'd wanted was to be free and live his life how he wanted. He hadn't wanted to answer to anyone, so he made sure he didn't have to. So, in some way, her actions seemed understandable.

Yet, he was spending his days condemning Elena for making stupid decisions of her own, and that seemed okay too. It felt right to be cruel to her as much as it felt wrong. One moment, he'd look at her think that maybe it didn't have to be this bad; maybe things could get better. Then, she'd smile or say something that took him back to all that pain, and knew it needed to be this bad. He needed her to know what it was like to have every hope shattered in front of your face. The same way she told him that he understood her tonight, he needed her to understand him and the pain he'd gone through. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was selfish. He never allowed his mind to stay there for long, though. The moment he brought his walls down, even just an inch, she'd latch on and she'd never let go.

He saw it in her eyes at the Hamptons, and he'd seen it in her eyes tonight. She didn't think they were over. She'd found that fire in her again and she wasn't ready to let it go. She wasn't ready to let them go, and she didn't believe that he was either. No matter what he'd done to her since she got home, he'd somehow given her some form of hope, and he hated himself for that. He wasn't supposed to do that. He was supposed to break her.

The irony of it was that he had the key to do it. She gave it to him without a second thought, and she knew it. He had the chance that day in her apartment and he didn't take it. He wasn't going to take it. He could say a lot of hurtful things to her, but he couldn't tell her the miscarriage was her fault. Maybe that was what had given her hope. Maybe it was Stefan's birthday, when she realized that there was so much Andie didn't know about them. He didn't know what it was, but she had it, and he didn't know how to take it away now.

Not even telling her he threw away her letter had fazed her for long. When she first got back, it may have made her cry, but now she barely blinked. He wanted to know why. What did he do? What did he do?

Mentally exhausted, he let himself into his penthouse and dragged his body back to his bedroom. With his last bout of energy, he threw himself onto his bed and kicked his shoes off. She'd done it again. She'd completely twisted everything up in his mind. With an almost masochistic desire running through his veins, he reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the drawer. He didn't have to look inside to find it. No, it would be in the same place it always was and that it always had been. Once he felt it beneath his fingers, he lifted it from the drawer and held it over his face.

The envelope was heavy and thick in his hands. His name was still clearly visible on the front, scrawled in her curved handwriting. It was still as sealed today as it had been two years ago when he got it, never opened, never read. He'd looked at it a lot over the years, treading dangerously close to opening it on more than one occasion. When it came time to slide his finger beneath the seal, he could never take the step. He always chickened out at the last moment. A part of him still wondered what was in that letter, but he could never bring himself to read it.

Now that she'd brought it back to the forefront of his mind he was even more curious, but he didn't try to open it. He just stared at it, occasionally tracing the letters with his fingers and allowing it to follow the trail of ink that had bled down from her tears, proof that she'd been crying when she wrote it that night. While he'd been burying his pain in alcohol, she'd been crying. None of that night should have happened. If she'd just stayed like she should have, then he wouldn't have been drinking and she wouldn't have been crying. She would have never felt that she had to write it. Most days, that was the reason he never opened it. It shouldn't exist.


	29. Lonely World

Author's Note: I don't know if there's any way I can start this note without mentioning Whitney Houston. We have truly lost one of the most powerful voices in music history. She's given us some of the best music of our time. It's a sad day for the music industry today. So, I won't say much in this note, other than a big thank you to everyone who helped me get this chapter out. It was truly a team effort this time. Thank you to Anna and Lauren for their hard work. I hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**Chapter 28**

**He don't say much when there ain't much to say  
>She waits for his response<br>She waits all day **

Elena sat at her gate, anxiously awaiting the announcement that she could board the plane. They should be calling any moment, which meant she would be that much closer to Nashville. When she took off, Damon would still be unmarried, but when she landed, he'd be someone's husband. He'd be Andie's husband. It hurt to think that this was how it all ended. Even when he'd told her there was no hope, somehow it remained. She'd have moments of weakness, but the hope never fully died, not until now. He'd never be hers again.

With a loud sigh, someone dropped into the seat next to Elena, letting their bag fall unceremoniously onto the ground. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to need a drink on this flight."

At the sound of the familiar voice, Elena's head spun to the side, her eyes wide and full of disbelief. "Bonnie?" she squeaked out.

Her best friend simply smiled and tilted her head to the side. "You didn't really think I'd let you run off by yourself, did you?"

"What are you – how are you?" Elena sputtered, at a loss for words. She'd disappeared without any clue as to where she'd be going, but somehow Bonnie was next to her, bag packed and ready to go. "How did you find me?" she finally managed to question.

"A little birdie may have told me that you'd pulled a Houdini. So, I may have let myself into your apartment to find a credit card statement and then hack into your account. You really should change your password for your important things, by the way. It's been the same since you were fourteen."

While a part of Elena told her that she should be mad and offended that her friend had gone behind her back to track her down when she hadn't wanted to be found, there was another part, the biggest part, that was filled with so much joy at the sight of her friend. All she could do was throw her arms around her and cry. "I can't believe you did that for me."

Bonnie's arms came around her in a tight embrace. "What else would I do? I couldn't let my best friend go off on her own with a broken heart. Us girls have to stick together."

"Thank you," she cried.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." When Elena pulled away and wiped at her eyes, Bonnie leaned back into her seat and asked, "So, what's in Nashville, and why are we going?"

Nervous, Elena pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and sighed. What would Bonnie think of her decision to go to Nashville to see Matt? Would she understand? Would she try to talk her out of it? She didn't know, but Bonnie was here and she couldn't exactly keep her in the dark. She'd find out soon enough. "Matt," she revealed, "Matt is in Nashville."

Bonnie's eyes widened and she sucked in a surprised breath. "Yeah, definitely gonna need that drink."

* * *

><p>"A little to the right," Caroline instructed Bonnie and Elena. "No, my right!" she quickly exclaimed when they moved the wrong way. "Just a little more, a little more, a little – okay, just a little to the left."<p>

Elena grunted and shot Bonnie an annoyed look before declaring, "Caroline, if you make us move this another inch, we're not helping with anything else."

"Just one teeny tiny little step to the left." Elena and Bonnie simultaneously rolled their eyes, but complied, shuffling no more than an inch to the left before they set the dresser on the floor and stepped away.

"The end, we're done." Elena wiped her hands on her jeans and heaved out a loud sigh. "Isn't this why you get married before you have a baby? So you have the husband and his friends to move this crap?"

Caroline averted her eyes and walked over to the brand new crib and began to smooth out the comforter hanging over the side. "Stefan may have threatened to send back all the furniture if I asked him to move anything else," she mumbled with her back turned on her two friends.

Elena met Bonnie's gaze and they both rolled their eyes in a way that could only be considered as loving. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

Caroline had coerced the two women over to her house today to look at the newly decorated nursery. What she had failed to mention when she asked them to come over, was that manual labor had been required. They had spent the last hour rearranging the furniture, only for it to end up in relatively the same place it had been before. If there was one thing that pregnancy hadn't changed for Caroline it was her obsessive, Type-A personality disorder.

As Elena stood back and admired the nursery now, she had to admit that Caroline's obsession had paid off. While some may have expected Caroline to go over the top, she had created a classically beautiful nursery. Of course, everything was custom made and designed by her, but in an understated way that only wealthy people could truly pull off.

The walls were an icy blue that brightened the spacious room. The furniture was all a deep espresso with an antique finish to give the pieces a vintage feel. It was the bedding that made the room, though. Caroline had personally designed it herself. It was light blue with a nature theme of a forest that could only exist in nursery rhymes. The nursery was simply perfect, and completely Caroline.

"So, what do you think?" Caroline asked nervously, turning to look at her friends.

"I think it's great." Bonnie smiled widely as her eyes took in the entire room again. "You did great, Caroline."

"At the rate you're going, you're not going to need a baby shower," Elena joked. "You may just save Bonnie and me the trouble."

"Yeah right," Caroline snorted. "You don't seriously think I'd ever give up the chance to have people tell me I'm a gorgeous pregnant woman and fawn all over me for an entire afternoon, while also giving me gifts?"

"Oh, heaven forbid," Elena gasped.

Suddenly, Caroline's eyes widened and her head snapped down to look at her stomach. "Oh!" She gasped and expanded her hands over her stomach that had gone from a small bump to a full on beach ball seemingly overnight. "Oh my goodness."

"What is it?" Elena asked in slight panic. Memories from the night of her miscarriage inevitably flashed through her mind as she rushed forward. Fear took a strong hold of her heart, unsure of what was happening or what she could do. What was wrong?

Caroline looked up, a blissful smile on her face. "He's kicking." She held a hand out toward Bonnie and Elena. "Here, come feel." She first grabbed Elena's hand, then Bonnie's, and placed them both over her stomach.

The women were still for several moments, waiting for the promised kick. Finally, Bonnie sighed and looked at Caroline. "I think he's asleep."

"Just give it a minute," Caroline insisted.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, Elena felt a small but distinguishable push against her hand. "Oh my!" she breathed in awe.

Bonnie ripped her hand away, a fearful expression on her face. "That's just weird. I don't like that." She shook her head and stepped away. "There is something very wrong with that."

"There is nothing wrong with it," Caroline snapped indignantly, lovingly caressing her stomach, as if to assure her unborn child that Bonnie was crazy. "Just because he's not really here for us to hold, it doesn't mean he's not _here_. He just wants us to know he's in there."

"Well, I know he's there, but I don't need to feel it."

Elena felt another push at her palm, and she giggled softly. "I think you've offended him," she told Bonnie before looking up at Caroline in amazement. "That's just, wow."

"You think that's cool? You should see this. Follow me." She led the girls into the living room, where she lowered herself onto the couch, pulled her legs up in front of her, and then lifted her shirt to expose her stomach.

"Woah! If this is a strip tease, I'm going to pass. I've seen you naked enough times in my life." Bonnie covered her eyes and looked away.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," Caroline chastised her friend. "It's just my stomach. Oh, there it is!" Elena sat down next to Caroline, eyes wide and focused on Caroline, but what for, she didn't know. Suddenly, Caroline pointed to a spot on her stomach and instructed, "Watch!" Sure enough, moments later, she could see a protrusion in Caroline's stomach, as if she'd been poked.

"What was that?"

"He's kicking!" Caroline said, an elated smile on her face. "You're seeing his foot."

"That's him?"

Caroline nodded her head, but then grimaced. "Yup, and he's more powerful than you'd think." She looked down at her stomach and said, "That's my bladder you're playing soccer with."

Elena stared at Caroline's contorting stomach in wonder. Every few moments, a spot would quickly poke out, and then return to normal. It was utterly fascinating and gut wrenching at the same time. Instead of the feeling of life moving in Elena's belly, she felt fierce jealousy burning hotly. She'd take the somersaults on her bladder and the growing discomfort that Caroline had, just to feel one kick inside of her. She was supposed to know what this felt like. She was supposed to be able to regale Caroline with stories of her own pregnancy, while having her own child in her arms. Instead, all she had was a ruined dress that was left behind in a cold hospital room, and a devastating memory of what had never been. In the words of Damon, _it fucking sucks_.

So, because of that, along with the jealousy that fiercely swirled in her gut, she also felt like the crappiest person on the planet. Caroline was her best friend and going through the biggest experience of her life, and instead of feeling nothing but happy, she was mad and green with envy. What kind of friend did that make her? Caroline didn't deserve her jealousy. All she deserved was support and love. Elena tried to give her that, boy did she try, but sometimes it was so hard that it hurt. Some days she didn't know if she'd be able to muster another smile as Caroline rambled on about cravings and finding clothes to fit her stomach that wouldn't stop expanding. Some days she just wanted to tell Caroline she was too busy to go with her to spend two hours looking at baby clothes, but she showed every time and she plastered that smile to her aching face. She didn't know how, but she did it. Then, she went home and cried. Sometimes she went to the bar and had a few drinks to dull the pain, anything to get her through the next day, to do it all over again, and feel even worse about herself, because she shouldn't have to do that. She should just be happy for her. Why couldn't it be that simple?

"You look like you have an alien inside of you." Bonnie grimaced and dropped onto the couch next to Caroline. "It's creeping me out."

"You are so touchy about pregnant stomachs," Caroline giggled. "You're so grossed out by them."

"They're creepy!" Bonnie whined. "There's a human inside of you. That's not normal!"

"Ha! You think that's not normal, try having sex while being this pregnant. You don't know creeped out until you're having sex with your husband, all hot and in the mood, then suddenly, this thing starts moving inside of me, and I can't tell him, hey, stop kicking me, because we're the ones totally invading the place he calls home and rocking the house!"

Bonnie and Elena both sat in stunned silence for a few moments, caught off guard by the sudden change in the conversation. How had they gone from feeling Caroline's stomach to discussing her sex life?

"I'm sorry, when did we become the friends that talked about messed up pregnancy sex?" Bonnie found the courage to lob the question that Elena didn't quite know how to form.

"Um, around the time this baby signed a lease on my uterus for nine months. You're my friends. You have to listen to this. I've listened to all of your awkward sex stories over the years. You can listen to me vent about the fact that what was once super hot and fun sex with my drop dead gorgeous husband is now awkward and uncomfortable because I have a _person_ _living inside of me_. He doesn't even pay rent, either."

"At least Stefan still thinks you're hot," Elena said encouragingly. If there was one thing she'd noticed through Caroline's pregnancy, it was that her expanding waistline had not turned Stefan off in the slightest. He was all over her just as much as he had been before she got pregnant.

"I don't even know how," Caroline scoffed. "I have this basketball glued to the front of me. I'm a cute pregnant girl, I know that, but that doesn't really translate to sexy when I'm naked. My boobs are huge, and not the sexy kind of huge either. Even if they were, I don't want him to touch them. It feels weird. And don't even get me started on the disgusting things I put in my body with these cravings. How he can see me as sexy after he's seen me dipping potato chips in honey barbecue sauce is beyond me."

"Where do you get these cravings?" Bonnie wondered incredulously. "How does that thought even cross your mind to pair those things up?"

"Because it's good. Duh! And don't knock it until you go through this whole process of growing a person inside of you." She waved her hand dismissively through the air, and Elena could practically see the gears shifting in her head. "Enough about my sex life," she grinned deviously and her eyes slid over to Bonnie, "Let's talk about yours."

Bonnie smiled and cocked her head to the side. "Let's not."

Bonnie was officially in the early stages of a relationship with Owen, a man she'd met in a coffee shop a few months ago. Elena didn't know much about him, and had only met him twice, but he seemed nice enough. Bonnie seemed happy too, which was what really mattered. As the most private of the three girls, though, she kept most of the details to herself, and it only served to drive Caroline up the wall. The blonde had never found a detail in her life that she hadn't wanted to share, and she believed that everyone else should be the same. Needless to say, Bonnie would never be that girl.

"You have to give me something!" Caroline whined. "I barely know anything about him, and you're calling him your boyfriend. Don't make me invoke the girl code."

"There's not much to share," Bonnie tried to explain. "We've only been together for two months, and unlike you, I'm not ready to go pick out my china pattern. Things are moving slow and it's nice. That's all there is to it."

"Have you slept with him?" Caroline prodded.

Annoyed, Bonnie rolled her eyes, but answered, "Yes, I have, and that's as much as you're getting."

"Fine," Caroline conceded. "I will leave it at that." She turned her blue eyes to Elena now, and she knew it was her turn in the hot seat now. "I have someone I want to set you up with." When Elena opened her mouth to quickly protest, Caroline threw up her hands and plowed forward. "Before you say no, just hear me out. He's really nice and he's 26. He just got out of a long-term relationship, so he's not looking for anything serious. I think he could be good for you right now. You need something simple and easy. He can give you that."

"I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend that is practically living with the first girl he ever loved. I think dating is the last thing I need in my life." The women never discussed the topic of Damon very often, but it was common knowledge that she still loved Damon. She'd thought it had also been common knowledge that dating was something she didn't need to do. She was like the black widow of girlfriends. "In fact, I think it would be pretty cruel of you to set me up with a decent guy. I'm a one-woman demolition machine that destroys the man in my path in one fell swoop."

"You're being dramatic," Caroline complained. "You don't have the best track record with relationships, but it's not that horrible."

"Best?" Elena snorted. "My track record is like Jennifer Lopez's at this point. Any man in my orbit gets the life sucked out of him while with me."

"As far as I remember, nothing horrific happened during your relationship with Tyler. In fact, he'd probably list you at the top of the list of his exes. Matt, he was your first adult relationship, and you were scared to let that go. You made some mistakes, but they weren't life altering, and as far as I know, he recovered just fine. Last I heard, he moved down to Nashville and is engaged to a girl from down there. I doubt he harbors any ill will towards you anymore. And Damon, well, he's Damon, so we really can't use any scale to measure things with him. There were extenuating circumstances that led to your behavior, but you're not that girl anymore. You keep saying you've grown and you want to get your life back to normal. Maybe getting back out there again is how you do that."

While Elena appreciated what Caroline was trying to do, she just didn't know if she could buy what her friend was selling. Even if she chalked Tyler and Matt up to childish behavior, she couldn't deny what had happened with Damon. She'd made monumental mistakes with him and done insurmountable damage. She was still in love with him too. She simply didn't need to date anyone right now, let alone a guy that was fresh out of a serious relationship and probably fragile enough as it was, without her coming in and blowing his house of cards down.

"I hear what you're saying, but I don't think it would be wise of me to date anyone right now. How can I think of starting another relationship when I'm still so consumed with my relationship with Damon?"

"I'm not saying you have to marry the guy, but it could be a step in the right direction. How can you start to move on if you don't put yourself out there? It's one date, not a promise of forever. And I'm sorry, but Damon isn't really sitting around hoping for a reunion with you, so why spend your nights torturing yourself with what you still feel for him, when you can go out and have a little fun?"

"Nice, Caroline," Elena bit out. "Real nice."

The blonde sighed and looked at Elena apologetically. "I didn't mean it like that, but I have a point. You said so yourself, Elena, he's with Andie. So, there's nothing wrong with you maybe trying to find someone for yourself. It's not like you're stringing him along. You're single and allowed to date."

"You're missing _my point_, Caroline," Elena said, now growing frustrated with the conversation. "It's not Damon that makes it wrong for me to date. It's my feelings for him that make it wrong. It's not fair to another guy."

"You're not being fair to yourself," Caroline argued, but then blew out an aggravated breath while rolling her eyes. "But obviously you're not going to listen to me. So, I'll just drop this. It's your life. Do whatever you want. It's not like I'm the one that has a happy marriage and a baby on the way. It's not like I could have any idea what I'm talking about when I talk about relationships. I'm just stupid Caroline."

"Now you're just being hormonal and trying to guilt me into doing what you want me to do," Elena groaned. "I'm single, Caroline, and I need to be single. Just let it rest."

"Fine, whatever."

The front door opened and closed, causing all three women to turn toward the entryway to see Stefan appear a moment later. His eyes widened fractionally at finding company in his living room. "Hello." He smiled warmly and set his briefcase on a table before walking behind the couch and leaning down to place a kiss on the top of Caroline's head. When he lifted his head, he eyed the trio suspiciously. "I feel like I've interrupted something?"

"Just your wife trying to pawn innocent men off on me," Elena murmured. Things with Stefan were still horribly awkward, to say the least, but she couldn't keep the comment from slipping off her tongue. Besides, if anyone would see her side of how horrible she was for the male population, Stefan would. She had broken his brother's heart, after all.

"I think that's a conversation I should stay out of."

"I think that's probably wise," Bonnie agreed.

"Doesn't matter, not like anyone would listen to me anyway," Caroline griped.

Stefan nodded and warmly ran his hand over Caroline's head. "Definitely staying out of this conversation. I'm going to go start dinner." He began slowly backing away, almost as if he was afraid one of the women might pounce on him and forbid him to leave the room. "Either of you staying?"

"Not me," Bonnie quickly said. "I have plans tonight."

Stefan's eyes shifted to her, and she could see the underlying hope that she would also have plans. He could be cordial in groups or for a small amount of time, but she knew he didn't want to spend an evening with just her and Caroline. She graciously put him out of his misery. "I'm not staying either. I have some work to do." It was a total lie. She didn't have any work to do. Well, not in the sense that she had something due, there was always work to be done, but she didn't much feel like hanging out with the blissed out married couple for the next two hours. Listening to them gush over the baby would be a little too much to handle right now. She need a few hours that were pregnancy free.

"Okay, well, night ladies." Stefan turned and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving the women to their own devices on the couch.

"I really should probably go. I need to get home and get ready."

"Hot date?" Caroline smirked.

Bonnie smiled coyly. "Something like that."

When Bonnie rose to her feet, Elena stood as well. "I'll head out with you. I should get home too."

"You're just avoiding me," Caroline said.

Elena gasped, feigning shock. "I would never."

"Whatever, you'll have to go on a date at some point. Unless you're planning on running off to join a convent, you'll have to move on."

"Goodbye, Caroline," Elena said pointedly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Elena and Bonnie waved to Caroline as they gathered their things and fled the penthouse. Once in the hallway, Elena looked at Bonnie and said, "Where did all of _that_ come from?"

Bonnie snickered. "The alien life form growing inside of her? Pregnancy has made that girl more sensitive than usual." The elevator doors slid open and the girls stepped inside. "Seeing as you totally lied to Stefan and Caroline about needing to work, want to come back to my place and help me get ready for my date?" At Elena's indignant look, Bonnie said, "You're kind of a crappy liar, at least to someone who has known you for over twenty years."

"I'll come over on the sole basis that you promise not to pull what Caroline just did."

Bonnie held up her hands in surrender. "Trust me, I'm not going to encourage you to get back into the dating field if you don't think you're ready. I tend to leave it to Caroline to push you into things."

"You tend to sit back and watch everything, and then give your opinion two days later, after you've thought everything over, maybe throw in a judgmental comment or two."

"I'm judgmental? Shut up!" Bonnie exclaimed, but quickly conceded. "So, I may say a few things that come off as slightly judgmental from time to time."

Bonnie was a strong-minded girl. She always had been. She had a strict code of ethics, and when people didn't fall in line with it, her words were not always the kindest. To some, it would make them angry, but Elena knew her friend meant no harm. She simply had her beliefs and struggled with reconciling those with conflicting ones. She never allowed herself to be torn about anything. If she thought for even a moment that something wasn't right, she stopped doing it. Caroline and Elena tended to not follow her way of thinking, but their friendship survived. While Bonnie's words might sound judgmental, they really weren't. She only ever stated her beliefs. She maybe got frustrated when Elena did stupid things, but she'd never turned her back on her yet. That counted for something.

"You know what you believe and you don't let anyone make you doubt that," Elena said quietly. "I wish I could do that sometimes."

"It's not who you are. You and Caroline have always been more emotional than me. I don't let myself think with my heart, you do."

"Well, maybe I should try that. This whole heart thing hasn't gotten me very far."

"It got you further than you think. You had a good few years with Matt, and you had something good with Damon. Yeah, it's brought you some pain, but it's brought you some pretty good things too."

"Doesn't feel that way right now."

Now on the sidewalk outside of Caroline's building, Bonnie looped her arm through Elena's and guided them toward her apartment. "I know, but it won't be this way forever. Caroline is right that you have to get back out there, but it doesn't have to be now. You'll heal and figure everything out. You're already on the right path by getting that job at the publishing house. Your foot is in the door now with something you love, that's a big step. You're not giving yourself enough credit."

"It's hard to give myself credit for much when there's still so much damage in front of me. Stefan can still barely look at me. I can only imagine the tension I've caused between him and Caroline. Damon loathes my existence. Andie, who was nothing but nice to me now probably thinks I'm out to steal Damon from her."

"Well," Bonnie cringed, "Is she really that far off base?"

"Just because I still love him doesn't mean I want to _steal_ him from Andie. My feelings for him are completely a non-issue, anyway. If he doesn't want me, there's nothing for me to steal."

"Do you think he wants you?" Bonnie hedged lightly.

Elena allowed herself a few moments to process her thoughts before saying, "I think he's still too mad at me to feel anything neutral about me, let alone want me. I feel like I've made some progress, though. He hasn't tried to slip arsenic in my food. That has to count for something, right?"

They hadn't seen each other much since Caroline announced that she was having a boy, but the few times they had seen each other, he hadn't yelled at her or tried to read her journal again. In fact, she felt like they'd made some semblance of progress that night in Caroline and Stefan's guest bedroom. For the first time since she got back, she really got to put things out on the table. She'd said what she hadn't known how to say when she left. She had been scared and confused. That led to stupid decisions that she had regretted every moment since, and he'd finally got to hear that. He'd said it didn't change anything, but she saw the look on his face. He'd listened to her. He hadn't walked off or picked another fight. He'd heard her and on some level, he'd gotten it.

He might think it meant nothing, but it meant something to her.

"Now, don't jump all over me or anything, but I have to ask. Are you refusing to go on the date because you really aren't ready, or are you refusing to go because you're waiting for Damon and hoping you two can work things out?"

Elena grimaced at the question she'd really rather not answer, but she knew it was a fair one. Was she putting part of her life on hold for Damon? "I love him. Of course, I want to hope that we can get back together."

"But do you really think that's going to happen?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I honestly don't know."

"Okay, well, I told you I'd stay out of this and I will, but I just want to say one thing first. Caroline is right. One date won't be promising anyone a lifetime of anything. It will be one date, where it is perfectly acceptable for it to lead to absolutely nothing. I know you're scared of leading another guy on or hurting someone else, but you're not going to scar a man for life if you don't want a relationship and you end things at one date. There's always a chance that you might find someone you like. Even if you and Damon do get back together one day, you don't have to act like a social pariah until then. You get to have a life. And on that note, I'll shut up forever."

"You don't have to shut up," Elena insisted. "You and Caroline both give good advice. It's not always warranted, but there's love behind it. I can appreciate that and I will think about what you and Caroline have said."

"We just want you to be happy. That's all any of us ever want for the other."

"I know that, Bonnie, which is totally why I'm going to completely torture you for the next hour, and get you to spill every single detail about Owen." Elena shivered in excitement of the torture she was about to thrust upon her best friend, but she'd been patient long enough. She'd given Bonnie her time to feel more comfortable in the relationship, and figure out where things might be going. Now it was time for Elena to learn all of these things.

And that was precisely what she did.

She poked and prodded at her friend from the moment she walked into Bonnie's apartment, to the moment she was shoved out, with a joking, "Never talk to me again!" Bonnie had always been more comfortable being single, whereas Elena and Caroline had pretty much been in relationships on and off from the moment they grew breasts. So, the fact that Bonnie was actually admitting to being in a real relationship that made her grin from ear to ear, was a great thing for Elena. It was true that the three women only wanted each other to be happy, so seeing Bonnie happy made Elena happy. Even though her own life was still in shambles, it was nice to see that Bonnie had found something good.

She had more trouble opening up with relationships, and had been the last to lose her virginity. She'd always been the one that moved at her own pace. Because of that, Elena had never really gotten to see Bonnie in love. She'd had relationships over the years, but nothing that could ever grow into something serious. What she'd begun building with Owen was something Elena knew would be serious. She'd never seen her friend blush when talking about a guy. She'd never seen her so nervous to pick out an outfit for a date. She'd never seen Bonnie ready to lay it all out on the table for another guy before, but she was going to do that with Owen. She might not know it yet, but she was. If he wasn't the guy for her, then Elena would seriously question her intelligence, because no one had ever gotten this reaction from Bonnie before.

It was an interesting thing to be on the outside of, seeing someone fall in love. There was something so open and magical about it all. Everything was still pure and new, not yet tainted by mistakes and disappointments. It was a beautiful thing to witness, but Elena knew it was an even more beautiful thing to be a part of. She'd lived that with Damon once upon a time. She remembered all the firsts they'd had together, so new and vibrant.

The first time she'd kissed him had been captivating. For four years, the only man she'd kissed had been Matt, and when Damon's lips touched hers for the first time, it woke something up inside of her. It had been the catalyst for so much, set her on a path that would forever shape the rest of her life. At that moment, when he pulled away from her, his lips swollen and his eyes heavy with desire, she'd known nothing would ever be the same again.

Damon put her life on a completely different course. At that time, she was still trying to convince herself that Matt was the one. She'd believed that at one point, and she hadn't wanted to let go of that. He'd been her constant for those four years, and she didn't know how to not have him in her life. Then, Damon came into the picture and opened her eyes to the life she was trying to resign herself to. He'd forced her to see that she had to put Matt out of his misery and go after something new. For once in her life, she had to take a chance.

Damon was that chance.

She'd jumped in head first, despite the fact that they were never supposed to be anything more than a few good rolls in the sack. She'd ignored the protests from Bonnie and Caroline. All she'd focused on was him and what he made her feel. She'd lost herself in him until she had a positive pregnancy test staring her in the face on her bathroom counter. It had been a bucket of cold water on a forest of flames, and that was when the panic set in. From the moment she found out she was pregnant she was petrified. They were never supposed to even date, and suddenly they were tied together for the rest of their lives, and she was scared.

When Jenna found out that she was pregnant, she'd said that Damon had a way with words, and he did. He'd said all the things any girl in that situation hoped to hear. There had still been doubt, though. She'd struggled with that doubt until the moment he slammed his door in her face. The pregnancy had come at that moment where they were in limbo, stuck between whether they'd really stick to the strictly sex situation, or if they'd move towards something more serious. So, when she got pregnant and they moved towards serious, a part of her had naturally wondered if that was the reason. All of the insecurities she'd had before she was pregnant, got magnified, and as soon as he silenced them all, she lost the baby.

Their relationship, which had already been something akin to a blind obstacle course, now felt like a walk to promised heartbreak. She'd hated herself, so why didn't he hate her too? For some reason, it had made her mad. Why did he have to keep trying to help her? She hadn't felt like she deserved it, and even if she had, she wouldn't have had the energy. She was depressed and angry. She'd felt that she had already endured enough heartache in her life by losing her parents, so losing the baby simply felt like too much. She hadn't known how to recover. Because of that, she took him down with her. She grabbed hold of him with everything she had and pulled him into the dark abyss with her. Though they went down together, they didn't emerge together.

Damon had emerged with Andie, and she simply emerged, not really better, but not really worse. She was just floating in her pain, treading water until she could really find her way out. She knew she was getting closer, could see the end in her sight, but she wasn't there yet. She wondered if he ever felt the same, if he was treading the same water as her. Would they come together somewhere in the dark water? Would Damon be her beacon of light to guide her home? Was Andie his?

She didn't know, and that was what held her back. There were still so many things unanswered between them, so many doors she felt that she hadn't tried. She was scared to date, and open herself up to the possibility that she might not ever have Damon again. She was scared to resign herself to that fate, even though she knew she might.

Unable to face her lonely apartment right now, she found herself at Green Street, sitting at the bar and nursing a drink and trying to figure out where to go from this day. She'd learned in Chicago that if she tried to plan things a year from now, she'd send herself into a panic, so she tried to only allow herself to focus on the day she was in. Today, that day was feeling the kick of an unborn child growing in her best friend's stomach, and trying to contain the pain and jealousy that came in that moment. It was that she had a book manuscript that she needed to finish before tomorrow morning. It was that her friends believed she needed to reintroduce herself to the dating scene, and the fear that came with that thought. It was knowing that she still loved Damon with everything she had, and not knowing what to do with that love today.

"Fancy finding you here." Damon sat down on the stool right next to hers and twisted to look at her.

Elena ran her finger around the rim of her glass and twisted her neck around to see him. "I think you're the bigger surprise. This place isn't exactly your style."

"On the contrary." He smirked and motioned Mark over toward them. "Your former coworker and I have formed quite a loving bond over the past two years."

Mark retrieved a bottle of Damon's favorite scotch from beneath the cash register, where Elena had kept it when they'd been together. "What he means is that I let him drink here and agree to call his brother to drag him out when he can't walk, instead of tossing him onto the street and leaving him to fend for himself."

"And you've profited substantially from said drunkenness." As if to prove his point, Damon pulled out his wallet and deposited several twenty-dollar bills on the bar. "You're a gem, Mark."

Mark rolled his eyes and retrieved the money from the bar. "Just play nice. I'm not going to pick up broken glass and spilled alcohol if you lose your temper."

"I have no temper to be lost," Damon assured him before Mark walked away. "Since when do you drink alone in a bar? I thought that was more my thing."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you rubbed off on me."

"Does that mean I only have myself to blame for the heartless bitch you turned into?" he snapped.

Elena lifted her drink to her lips and swallowed the remaining contents. Once finished, she motioned in Mark's direction and twisted around on her stool to face Damon. "You know what? It's been a little bit of a rough day. I don't know about you, but spending my day looking at Caroline is a little hard sometimes. I'd really appreciate it if I could sit and have a few drinks without you trying to make me feel worse." She'd thought they'd made some semblance of progress that night a few weeks ago, but then he said that, and it felt like they were back at square one.

Damon's gaze fell to the bar and she could see his shoulders deflate. Suddenly uncomfortable, she turned back toward the bar, unsure of why she'd just said that. Perhaps it was because of the assistance the two drinks she'd had gave her in lowering her inhibitions. Or maybe it was because he was the only one she _could_ say it to. Despite the anger and pain that flowed freely between them, there was no one else she could voice the jealousy to. She had to keep it all inside because no one else could understand it. She didn't even know how much Damon would be able to understand it, but at least he wasn't going to try to comfort her or have a long conversation about her feelings like Bonnie or Caroline would try.

Finally, he asked, "Why are you so surprised that I'd still be mad at you? Did you really think that I wouldn't get the impression that you didn't care?"

"I thought you knew that I loved you."

He twisted around to face her, and she could feel his knees pressing softly against hers. His eyes bore into hers, fierce and burning. "Then why did you leave me like that? Usually when someone comes home to find his girlfriend packing her things, he starts to think she didn't care."

"I did care. I still do." Sadly, she shook her head. "God, Damon, I loved you so much that it scared me to death. You were the guy that was only looking for a good time until I got pregnant. You said that it was the catalyst for you to admit to what you were feeling, but of course I had my doubts. You know that I did. I know you can't have forgotten what it was like when I was pregnant."

Pain swirled in his eyes. "I remember every second," he whispered.

"Then you should remember how hard it was for me to accept everything when we were good, so when I lost it, everything changed. I was lost in this confusion and doubt. I didn't know what to do or say, but I still cared. I still loved you."

"People who love someone don't act the way you did, Elena."

Ashamed, she looked down at her hands. "I don't know what to say to you to make this better."

"That's just it, Elena. It can't be better. We're over. I don't know what to say to make you accept that."

"Then why are you still so mad?" she demanded softly. "You say we're over, but your actions say differently. You can't be this mad and not care."

"Of course I care." Her head shot up at his words, just in time to see his head reel back in astonishment. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open, stunned by what he'd said. Finally, an annoyed laugh fell from his lips as he shook his head. "There it is, I guess. It was the last thing I wanted to admit, but I care. I was going to have a child with you. I loved you. Then, one day, you were gone. You left me with no answers and no hope of getting any. I suppose it's only natural to still feel something, and that's where the anger comes from. I'm angry because I gave you everything and you threw it back in my face. Then you come back here bringing everything back that I didn't want to remember. All of that anger, though, it doesn't mean anything, not really. I'm with Andie. I _want_ to be with Andie. You and I are done."

Tears stung painfully in Elena's eyes as she listened to him admit to what she'd spent months hoping for. She'd so desperately wanted to hear him say that he cared, and now that he'd said it, he was also saying that it didn't change anything. He was sitting here, telling her that she had no chance, no matter what progress they made, or how profound her words were, they wouldn't work.

"You don't love me anymore?" she questioned brokenly.

Damon's face contorted in agony. His eyes flashed in remembrance and something she couldn't quite place before he dejectedly shrugged his shoulders. "You were supposed to be the mother of my child. I think a part of me will always love you. Maybe that's the problem." Slowly, he stood up and set his glass down on the bar. "For my own sanity, I had to move on, Elena. I couldn't sit around and wait for you."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to keep herself from crying in front of him yet again. She'd tried to get stronger since she got back and that meant not breaking down during every conversation they had, but right now, after the day she'd had with Caroline and what he was saying to her, that was all she wanted to do. It took her several moments to feel in control enough to pry her eyes open again, and when she did, he was gone. She turned just in time to see him fading into the crowd, leaving her behind much in the same way she'd left him.

"I can tell him he's not allowed in the bar anymore." Mark slid a box of tissues over the bar, and Elena tearfully smiled at him as she twisted on her stool. "His money isn't that important."

"Don't do that," she told him. "He didn't do anything wrong. In fact, he was just telling me what I needed to hear, but didn't want to believe." She pulled a tissue from the box and gently wiped it under her eyes. "Have you met her?" she wondered.

Mark did a quick sweep of the bar to see if he was needed before he leaned forward on his arms. "Asking me if I've met her and how he is with her isn't going to help anything, Elena. I don't know whether Damon really means what he says, but I know that you can't sit around and hope that he doesn't. You deserve more than that."

"I don't know how to move on."

He reached out and gave her hands a comforting squeeze. "Nobody does. That's why it's so scary." He flashed her one last reassuring smile before straightening up again. "I should get back to work. Let me know when you're ready for another drink."

Shaking her head, Elena pushed her glass away and stood up. "I should go home. I've had enough to drink for one night."

When she dug into her purse to find her wallet, he quickly held his hand out in protest. "Keep your money. You worked here long enough to get a few free drinks."

"Thanks, Mark." She gave him an appreciative smile. "I'll see you around."

"Just keep your chin up, kid. You'll be fine."

Elena offered a small wave before turning and leaving the bar. In a matter of a day, she'd had three people tell her that she needed to move on. Damon told her that her hope was all in vain. It was a tough pill to swallow, one she didn't want to. Damon was the one that put her over the edge, though. She could handle it from Bonnie, Caroline, and Mark. She knew the day had been coming that people would suggest she start dating again, but she'd never let herself consider this moment with Damon. She'd been so sure that the progress meant something. It had to.

Damon told her that it didn't, and it wouldn't. In so many words, he told her to let them go and move on. Andie was his choice right now, not her. He didn't want her.

Before she could think about her decision, she pulled her phone from her purse and dialed Caroline's number. The line rang a few times before a giggling Caroline answered the phone. "Stop it!" she could hear Caroline exclaim. "That tickles!" There was rustling on the other end before Caroline finally said, "Hey, Elena, sorry, Stefan is being a dork right now. What's up?"

"That date you mentioned earlier, I'll do it. I'll go out with him."

"Seriously?" she questioned incredulously.

"I thought about what you said. You're right. I need to move on. I'll go on the date."


	30. Gravity

Author's Note: I have to start out by saying a huge thank you for all of the reviews! I was so off from the news of Whitney Houston's death that I forgot to even include that in the last author's note. I cannot believe I have passed 1,000 reviews! There are simply no words. Thank you, so much! I just...wow! The response to this story still just surprises me. I've gotten to know some of you through this story, and y'all are pretty awesome. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. I have to also give a big thank you to Daisy and Anna. Daisy has stuck with this story from the beginning, and I'm sure has brought so many of you all here. She is being a very big help to me right now. And Anna, bless her for listening to all of my ramblings about this story, and all of my freak outs. You are both great! All of you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

**Chapter 29**

**Something always brings me back to you  
>It never takes too long <strong>

Damon stared at Caroline, trying to digest her impromptu speech about what she'd seen over the year, and how he didn't give her enough credit for that. In fact, it was quite the contrary. He gave her plenty of credit for what she saw. There was never anything that Caroline wasn't completely involved in. He was sure she knew more about this past year than he wanted. Hell, their relationship had even gone through a rough patch because of it.

The past year hadn't exactly been easy on anyone, and he'd been in several fights with her about Elena. She saw everything. He more than got that. It was what she chose to do with what she saw that caused the problems. She was never content to stay on the sidelines. She always had to insert herself in all of it. Sometimes, though he loathed admitting to it, her interference helped, but sometimes it wasn't needed. There was also the fact that he had his brother in his ear, telling him to keep her out of everything.

"I give you credit for more than you think, Caroline. However, if you'll remember, you spent most of this past year pregnant. Stefan wanted you out of everything going on with Elena and me. So, just because I didn't run to you with everything, it doesn't mean I don't realize you saw things."

"So you acknowledge that more went on with you and Elena than you want to admit?"

"That's not what I'm saying," he denied. "Things happened, but nothing that changed anything with Andie and me."

Caroline scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You're so delusional."

His mouth was open, ready to fire back at Caroline, when the bedroom door opened and Stefan entered the room. "The limo is here," he announced. "We can go to the church." He looked from Caroline to Damon, trying to gauge the level of tension in the room. "Or we can not go?"

"No," Damon quickly answered. "No, we're going. I'm getting married. That's the end of it." He went to Stefan and grabbed his arm. "Let's go."

"Yeah, just one second," Stefan assured him, and went to Caroline. "Are you going to come or do you want to stay?"

Torn, Caroline looked over her shoulder to Sawyer and then back to Stefan, slowly nodding her head. "Yeah, I'll come. As long as we don't put him in his carrier, he shouldn't wake up. Just give me a minute to get everything together. Just go make sure you have the rings and whatever else you may need."

"Okay, just let me know if you need help. I'll be in the living room." He turned to Damon and plastered as supportive a look as he could on his face. "Let's go make sure we have everything."

They went into the living room, where Alaric was stretched out on the couch watching a sports game on the television. When they came in, he turned it off and rose to his feet. "So, we going to get you married?" he asked, somewhat doubtfully.

"That's the plan," said Damon, tightly. "You still have the rings?"

Alaric's hand disappeared into his suit jacket before reappearing with a velvet box in his possession. He flipped it open, revealing the two platinum bands that Andie had chosen for them. "I may be drunk, but I know how to hold onto the valuable merchandise."

"At least someone's in a good mood," he mumbled. Leave it to Alaric to be the only content person in a hotel suite full of miserable souls.

"I can't handle this day sober," Alaric admitted. "There's a bit too much crazy going on for me to wrap my brain around."

"You and everyone else," Stefan snorted.

Caroline came into the living room, a diaper bag over her shoulder, and Sawyer wrapped in a blanket in her arms, still resting soundly. "Okay, I'm ready. Stefan if you could just take his carrier, I think we're good."

Stefan picked up Sawyer's carrier from next to the couch and looked to the group. With a hint of dread, he said, "Let's get to the church and get this show on the road."

Damon followed Stefan out of the hotel suite. "Let's just hope Andie is still there."

"Yeah, cause _that's_ what would ruin this day," Caroline sarcastically said behind him.

* * *

><p>"Have I mentioned how much I hate Halloween?" Damon grumbled as he climbed into the back of the taxi.<p>

"In the last thirty seconds?" Andie questioned with a hint of annoyance. She glanced down at her silver dress to run her hands over the shimmering material.

"Well, I hate Halloween," he stated again. "I see absolutely no point in getting dressed up in a stupid costume to go drink. Why can't I just drink in my normal clothes?"

"One, your _normal_ clothes consist of two thousand dollar suits. Two, you're not even dressed up. I think your point is completely moot."

"I am too," he scoffed. He'd actually spent time on his costume. She couldn't say he wasn't dressed up. He knew better than to go into Caroline's house without being dressed up for Halloween. He bought shoes for this!

Andie's eyes ran over his outfit before landing on his face. "James Dean doesn't count, Damon. You look like this on your days off."

"I never wear white shirts! And do not talk badly about James Dean. He is a legend."

Unable to carry on her annoyance for any longer, all Andie could do was laugh and shake her head. Smiling, she reached out and brushed her hand down the front of his leather jacket. "If you believe you're dressed up, you're dressed up."

Damon's gaze softened. "I could take that as an insult, but I think I'll just call this a draw and move on."

"Wise choice," Andie whispered and leaned forward to brush a soft kiss over his lips. "You do look extra sexy tonight, though."

He raised his eyebrows suggestively at her remark. "You're not looking too bad yourself. I think I could have handled Prohibition if I got to have you in this outfit every night." She was dressed as a Flapper girl tonight, her hair done in the infamous curls, and a long strand of pearls hanging down her chest.

"Are you kidding me?" she inquired with a laugh. "I would have been a blip on your radar if you were alive during Prohibition. You already drink like they're going to take it away from you at any moment, I can only imagine the trouble you'd get yourself into if it was illegal."

He smirked. "I'd be a hot criminal."

Andie nodded, greatly amused by his words. "Of that, I have no doubt."

The taxi pulled to a stop outside of Stefan's building and Damon rolled his eyes at the thought of what he was about to walk into. "Can we please just go back to my place and have sex?"

Andie reached around Damon and opened his door. "As tempting as you've made that sound, I did not spend two hours getting ready for you to ruin this hairstyle because you'd rather have sex than do something you said you'd do."

"In my defense, I never said I'd come. Caroline told me that I'd come."

"Well," Andie grunted as she attempted to shove him out of the car, "You didn't correct her. Pay the driver and let's go."

"You're no fun," he whined, but paid the driver regardless. With a groan, he forced himself out of the car and held his hand out to help Andie. "They better have my favorite scotch."

Andie lovingly rubbed a hand over his back. "I think your brother knows you well enough by now to have your favorite alcohol on hand."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they entered the building and rode the elevator up to Caroline and Stefan's floor. He had no idea what to expect from this party with Caroline. She'd been especially vague when he had tried to ask her any questions about the night. All he could gather was that it would be large. Apparently, now that her due date was getting closer, she felt she needed to throw an over-the-top party, because she thought this might be the last time she would ever get the chance to. He personally thought that if she believed a child would keep her from being a social butterfly and throwing extravagant parties, she was delusional. If anything, the parties would simply revolve around her child. Did she listen to him when he said this, though? Of course not. No one ever did.

When he opened the door and was met with a dark walkway filled with fake spider webs, a fog machine, and strobe lights, he was not surprised. Nor was he surprised when he was greeted with more than fifty people in her living room, all dressed in various costumes from the traditional slutty option to the more elaborate ones, such as imitations of Lady Gaga. Nothing could prepare him for Caroline's costume, though.

She was across the room, tucked into Stefan's side, a beaming smile on her face as she motioned to her ever-expanding stomach. He'd expected something out of left field and unique, but he did not expect what she had on. In all of her pregnant glory, she was decked out in her high school cheerleading uniform that was now much too small for her. The only reason she'd managed to wear it was the fact that the top happened to stop just at the top of her stomach, leaving it bare and out for the world to see.

"This is crazy, even for Caroline," he mumbled as he dragged Andie through the guests, making a beeline straight for his sister-in-law. "Dear God, you're Cheerleading Slut Barbie," he told her when he approached her. With a thumb shoved in her direction, he asked his brother, "You let your wife go out in public looking like this?"

"This is my house, Damon. I'm not parading through Times Square in this. Also, it's Halloween. This is kind of the point." She rolled her eyes, and then took in his attire, her lip curled upward in distaste. "At least I put some effort into my outfit."

"I bought shoes for this!"

"He thinks he's James Dean," Stefan explained with an amused smile.

"I don't think I'd talk if I were you, _Quarterback Ken_," Damon taunted, and Stefan scowled. "You are so whipped that's it's so far beyond not funny, it's funny again."

Stefan raised a knowing eyebrow. "I don't think that's a road you want to go down, Damon."

Caroline huffed in aggravation. "You two are always having a different conversation than I am."

Damon smirked at his sister-in-law. "Blondie, I think everyone is always having a different conversation than you are."

When someone's mouth ran at such speeds as Caroline's, it was only natural that her conversation would be on a different planet than everyone else's. No one could keep up. The second someone could catch onto what she was saying, she was already onto another topic. Forget the Energizer bunny, Caroline Forbes Salvatore should be their spokesmodel.

To prove his point, Caroline's eyes wandered through the room, already distracted from the current conversation. Finding whatever she was looking for, a smile spread across her face and her eyes widened in glee. "Elena's here!" She quickly rushed off from the group, her legs carrying her pregnant self as quickly as they could go.

Curious, Damon's eyes followed her fading form until he had Elena in his sights. In an instant, he was catapulted back in time, to the weekend they'd spent in Mystic Falls, where he'd seen in her in her cheerleading uniform for the first time ever. Almost three years, two broken hearts, and one miscarriage later, Damon could still admit that she looked gorgeous in it. Though her breasts did not fill it out in the way they once had, there was still more than enough to admire. From her taut stomach to her long legs, she was the picture of perfection.

A part of him hated that he still thought that. It would be a lot easier if he could simply hate everything about her, but life was never that kind to him. She'd forever be beautiful, and he didn't think his thoughts on that would ever change. No matter what had happened between them, it wouldn't change that.

"Damon, can I talk to you for a minute?" Stefan pulled his attention from admiring Elena's attire. He turned to his brother's expectant eyes as he motioned to the hallway with his head, and Damon knew he couldn't say no. Whatever it was, it must be important if he was pulling him away from everyone.

"Yeah." He nodded and looked to Andie, an apologetic smile on his face. "This will just take a minute. Why don't you go mingle with the girls that you can't talk to when I'm by your side?"

She smiled tightly and mirrored his nodding head. "Sure, take your time." Ever since Stefan's birthday weekend, Andie had been understandably more suspicious when Damon would disappear to have private conversations with someone. For months, she'd been kept in the dark about the most important things in his recent history, blatantly lied to, and it was hard to hide her discomfort when he abandoned her in a crowd. He knew her mind ran rampant with the ideas of what he must be discussing that she couldn't be a part of. She never asked, though, and most of the time, he didn't share.

He gave her hand a quick squeeze, and then followed his brother to his office. It was devoid of all guests, allowing them the privacy they needed for this oh so important conversation that Stefan needed to have with him. With the door closed, he focused his attention on his brother. "What's up? You need to take refuge in my bachelor pad until Caroline pops the kid out? Getting a little scared of impending fatherhood?"

Not amused with the jokes, Stefan rolled his eyes and ignored the questions all together. "It's about Elena," he started cautiously.

Now very curious, he took small steps toward Stefan. "What about her?"

Stefan inhaled a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever it was he needed to say. "She brought a date tonight."

Startled, he was left speechless for a few moments. He hadn't seen her with anyone when she came in. Okay, so he wasn't really looking at anything other than her, but still. She brought a date? Unable to form another thought, he simply questioned, "I don't get it."

His brother reached up and ran his hand over the back of his neck, rubbing away the tension in his muscles. "Caroline didn't tell me until right before the first guest showed up tonight. I would have told you if I knew beforehand."

"I didn't even know she was dating."

"Neither did I."

Confused, Damon shook his head, trying to clear out the fog in his head. "I don't – I don't get it. Why are you telling me this? What am I supposed to do?"

Now unsure of his decision, Stefan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I thought you might want to know before you saw her with another guy." He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know, Damon," he repeated. "This is a messed up situation. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I just thought you would rather hear it from me than see it and think I kept it from you."

Damon didn't know what Stefan was supposed to do either. Was there really any protocol for a situation like this? He was already dating and in a serious relationship of his own. He wasn't exactly standing around hoping for her to fall into his arms. Was there a reason he needed to be told? All it did was leave him with questions, and apparently his brother couldn't answer those.

Last time he'd talked to Elena she was crying and asking him if he still loved her. She was still trying to make things better with them. So, when in the past two weeks, did she go from wanting to know if he loved her, to being ready to date? It didn't add up in his head. Nothing about it added up. The last time she'd done something like this, it had been for Caroline's benefit. She had been trying to appease her friend, who did not want her with him, and it had all backfired. Was that what was going on now?

"Why do I feel like your wife is somehow involved in this?"

His brother smiled slowly, a loving look in his eyes. "Probably because she is. It's Caroline, she is in the middle of everything."

"But she didn't even tell you Elena was bringing a date until the party started?" he questioned, trying to get everything straight in his head.

"Yeah, she hasn't told me anything. I think that has more to do with the fact that we don't talk about Elena, though. She's not a very fun topic in our household."

Damon cringed at the reminder of the strain his and Elena's demise had put on his brother's marriage. "You don't have to hate her for me," he quietly told him. "I'm a big boy. I can fight my own battles."

"Trust me, I know," Stefan laughed. "I'd never delude myself into thinking that I can fight a battle better than you can. It doesn't mean I don't get to be angry with her for my own reasons, though. Just because I'm not going to go to war with her, it doesn't mean I'm not going to take your side. Caroline can play neutral, but I'm not."

"I'm not asking you to play neutral. I just –" he stopped himself, unsure of what he truly wanted to say. He didn't know how to put his thoughts into words. His thoughts about Elena when she returned, and his thoughts about her now, had changed. While in the beginning, he would have been cheering his brother on to hate Elena, now he didn't want that. Maybe Caroline's hormones were rubbing off on him, but this wasn't Stefan's fight, and he didn't want it to be.

"Look, I know that things have shifted with you and Elena, but that doesn't mean they have for me. I get that things are always going to be complicated between the two of you. You loved her, but I didn't. You're whom my loyalty is with. So, she does have to be a topic that isn't talked about in my house. My thoughts and feelings are never going to be neutral or kind, which causes a bit of a problem since she's my wife's best friend."

"I'm sorry," Damon apologized. For what, he didn't quite know, but he had to say something. This was all partly his fault anyway.

"It doesn't matter who's sorry and who isn't. I brought you in here to let you know that she brought a date, and that's all there is to it. You can do what you want with the information, just keep Caroline out of it."

Silently, Damon nodded. "Okay, I'll keep her out of it." He didn't think she'd be too fond of hearing the current discussion, but he wouldn't be too fond of getting Stefan's fist in his face, so he was going for the option of self-preservation.

"How about you promise to keep her out of it until she gives birth?"

Damon smirked. "Would you believe me if I agreed to that?"

"Point taken."

"How about I promise you this? Whatever happens with me and Elena will stay between us?"

Stefan eyed him suspiciously. "Depends on what you're planning on happening."

"At the moment, nothing. I can't promise I won't get mad at her ever again, but I promise not to do anything that will involve Caroline."

"Like I said, I don't like Elena, so do whatever it is the two you of you do right now. Just keep Caroline out of it. That's been my one and only request from the beginning. I'm not going to push it further than that."

Satisfied, Damon held out his hand toward Stefan. "Deal."

Knowing that it was the best he was going to get, Stefan shook his hand. "Now that this is as settled as it is going to be, shall we rejoin the party before my wife comes and yells at me for being anti-social?"

"I don't know," Damon hedged, "I do enjoy watching Caroline yell at you, especially now that she's pregnant. It's an interesting sight."

Stefan lightly shoved Damon's shoulder and pushed him out of his way. "Whatever, I'm going back out there. You can stay in here for all I care."

"But I can't annoy you if I'm in here and you're out there," he called after his brother as he left the room. "Hey, wait!" He ran forward and followed him into the hallway. "You do have a bottle of the scotch I like, right?"

"Your favorite scotch is almost four hundred dollars a bottle. No, I do not have your scotch."

Offended, Damon said, "I take it back! I take it all back! Everything I said in that room, forget it!"

Stefan turned on his heel and pointed a threatening finger in Damon's direction. "Go back on your word and I'll finish what Elena started on my birthday."

"You're a crappy little brother. I hope you know that."

"Well, you're a crappy big brother. Shall we call it even?"

"Oh God," came Caroline's groan from behind Stefan. "Are you two already fighting?"

"What?" Stefan and Damon said in unison, matching tones of confusion.

They looked at each other, then back to Caroline, who was now standing next to Stefan, an annoyed look on her face. "We're not fighting. Why would you think we're fighting?" Damon asked her.

"You're standing in the middle of a hallway telling each other you're crappy brothers. What else am I going to think?"

"This is how we say we love each other." Disappointed in his sister-in-law, Damon shook his head. "I expected more from you, Caroline. I thought you knew us better than this." He stepped forward to her and gently patted the top of her head. "It's like you don't know me at all."

With a sad smile, he passed her, intent to join the party long enough to appear like he'd been around for most of the night, and then leave. Normally he loved any excuse he had to drink, but costumes never seemed to interest him. Girls would dress up in clothes they wouldn't leave the bedroom in all other 364 days of the year, but found it somehow appropriate on this night. He would approve if it weren't for the fact that they seemed to get offended when he assumed that they'd go home with him. Who wouldn't think a girl would be up for some casual sex if she were actually in public wearing lingerie? It made no sense, and he wasn't typically a fan of things that didn't make sense. Therefore, he did not like Halloween.

As expected, the party was as annoying as he thought it would be. Without the assistance of his favorite scotch, he was nowhere near in the mood to deal with the people Stefan and Caroline had invited. If he were single, he could maybe enjoy a few of the model guests that Caroline had invited, but seeing as he had a girlfriend that he did actually want to remain faithful to, there was not much enjoyment to be had.

He was surrounded by a room full of scholarly people that Stefan knew from NYU, which immediately meant that he had no desire to have a discussion with any of them, for any reason. Then, there were the fashion people that Caroline invited. He'd somehow gotten caught in a conversation about hemlines for next spring, and that was when he mentally checked out and allowed his gaze to wander the party. Eventually, he found Elena sitting on the couch with Bonnie, her new boyfriend, and a mystery guy beside her. Must be the date Stefan told him about.

He was leaning forward and engaged in the conversation, but his hands were resting on his lap, which meant they were nowhere near Elena. As he watched, he gathered that it must be a first date. There seemed to be no indication that Elena had any sort of attachment to this guy. Sure, she smiled and laughed, and seemed to enjoy him, but he hadn't seen a kiss yet. It all only led him to wonder why she was on the date.

He'd been thinking about it ever since Stefan told him, and he just couldn't figure it out. There had been no indication during their last conversation that she had any desire to date anyone. So why was she?

"You can at least look like you're enjoying yourself," Andie whispered into his ear, wrapping her arm loosely around his waist. "You look like we've asked you to spend an evening with your father."

"I had a girl ask me if I thought purple was the new orange," he groaned. "What does that even mean?"

Andie shook against him, laughing quietly at his distaste. "Caroline works for a fashion designer, and you have the face of a model. They probably thought you were in the business."

"But what about me says that I have any idea about anything having to do with women's fashion? The only thing I know is how to best get a dress off without ripping it. That's as far as my knowledge goes."

"You're so handsome, you just confuse women to the point where they're speaking gibberish. How about that?"

Smiling, he turned his face toward hers. "I like your answer. I'd believe it more if you were reduced to a blabbering idiot around me."

"No," she shook her head, "I don't think you're that hot. Sorry, babe."

"I'm hurt," he gasped.

"I think you're ego will survive," she assured him.

"You wound me." He lifted his drink to have a sip, but when he came up with nothing but ice, he frowned at the empty glass. "I need more alcohol."

"Okay," Andie sighed and gently rubbed her hands over his crisp, white shirt, his leather jacket long ago discarded. "I'll be somewhere around here."

"I'll be back soon." He made his way toward the bar, but halfway there, the idea of drinking another glass of the crappy scotch that Stefan and Caroline had seemed vastly unappealing. Quickly checking to see that Andie was distracted, he turned and headed in the direction of the guest bedroom. If he was going to survive the rest of the evening, he needed some liquid courage that he actually enjoyed.

He quietly slipped into the guest bedroom, making sure that no one was around, so he could have a few moments alone. He had spent almost two hours surrounded by people in various states of undress and decked out in gaudy costumes. He could handle eccentricities, but only in certain doses.

With the door safely shut and locked behind him, he twisted around to retrieve his secret bottle of scotch again. A movement in the bathroom caught his eye and he silently cursed his luck. Could he get five minutes alone? Then, before he could turn and flee before he was spotted, he saw Elena's reflection in the mirror. The top to her cheerleading uniform was off and spread out over the sink as she leaned over it, intently dabbing at it, a studious expression on her face.

The shaking, combined with her bent over stance had a surprising affect on her breasts, causing them to pour over the cups of her bra, hovering dangerously close to spilling free from the confining material.

Blowing out a tired grunt, she straightened and ran the back of her hand over her forehead. Her eyes shifted upward, and widened in horror as she caught sight of him. "Oh my God!" She jumped in surprise, swinging around to face him.

He stood, momentarily frozen at being caught in the incriminating position. There were two options he could choose here. He could apologize and quickly make his exit, or he could be Damon, which was always the easier option. Unsurprising to him and probably her, he chose the last option. Appearing unfazed, he glided forward and pushed the bathroom door open to see her in person, rather than stare at her reflection. He allowed his eyes to roam over her bare torso in unabashed appreciation. Casually leaning against the doorway, he said, "I always did prefer that uniform on the floor."

Suddenly reminded of her appearance, she ripped her top from the counter and shielded her chest with it. "What are you doing?"

"Sightseeing." When she gripped the top tighter to her chest, he laughed quietly. "Little late for modesty now, don't you think?"

"I'm trying to clean my shirt!" Embarrassed, she stepped forward and pushed him out of the doorway. "Get out!" She shoved at him until he stumbled enough for her to slam the door shut in his face.

"Not like I haven't seen it all before," he called out to her through the closed door. Amused by her behavior, he shuffled over to the dresser and searched for his bottle of scotch. Like always, it was right where he'd left it, just a little closer to empty. He would need to replace this before long. The last place he wanted to find himself in was Caroline and Stefan's apartment in desperate need of a moment alone and no alcohol to take solace in.

A few moments later, when he was relaxed on the bed, a healthy amount of scotch in his glass, the bathroom door swung open and Elena marched out. "Enjoy the show?" she questioned, her hip jutted out in aggravation and her arms crossed over her chest.

Smiling, he said, "As a matter of fact, I did."

Caught off guard by his reply, Elena eyed him suspiciously. "How drunk are you?"

"Not drunk enough to find Caroline's knocked up cheerleader costume funny." He then paused to contemplate how drunk he really was. "Although, I am drunk enough to find amusement in the girl dressed like Lindsay Lohan. There's a heavy dose of irony in that one."

Confused, Elena shook her head. "I'm going to go back to the party now. Have fun with your alcohol."

He watched her turn and walk to the door, but when she had unlocked the door and her hand was on the knob, he called out to her, "Wait."

Unsure, she kept her hand on the doorknob, but turned her head to look at him. "What?"

He readjusted himself on the bed so he was sitting up when he spoke to her. "So, you brought a date?"

Her shoulders tensed and she swallowed thickly. Her gaze fell to the floor, where her feet shuffled nervously beneath her. "Caroline set met up with him." Damon rolled his eyes. Of course Caroline set Elena up with a guy. It was what she'd done after she broke up with Matt, too. You'd think she would have learned her lesson with how it worked out the first time. Apparently she hadn't. "She's just trying to be a good friend," she told him quietly when she noticed his demeanor.

"Doesn't she remember how that ended the last time?"

With her gaze steadily focusing on anything but him, she said, "Things were different then."

Memories of the night she went on a date with James, or Jason, or Justin, or whatever, flashed through his mind. He could still picture her vividly as she'd come through the door in her yellow dress, her hair already falling loose of the curls she'd probably worked hard on. Everything had still been in limbo for them, neither quite ready to make that first move. They clung to the sexual tension for months, until they could no longer deny it. If it hadn't been for Caroline, he probably would have slept with her that very night, but as fate would have it, he would wait another week before he got the chance to find out how great the sex would really be between them.

"A lot has changed since then," he murmured.

Elena's eyes rose to meet his and her posture softened. A wistful smile danced across her face. "I remember thinking that my world was upside down. Now, I'd give anything for things to be that simple."

"You never realize how easy you had it until you realize how bad it can really get." He'd thought his divorce from Katherine would be the hardest thing he ever had to go through. Every move he initially made with Elena was to specifically try to prevent anything close to what happened with Katherine. He'd had no ability to predict how bad things could really get, and how bad they would get.

"To think, we used to be friends back then. You actually wanted to sleep with me."

He softly laughed. "I've always wanted to sleep with you. That's never been our problem."

"True," she admitted. "I guess I'm good at something. It's what comes with the sex that I suck at."

"You're good at plenty of things, Elena. It's overthinking that gets you into trouble, not things you aren't good at."

Surprised, Elena's eyes widened. "Did you just give me a compliment?"

Had he? Damon paused in a state of surprise of his own. Was she right? Did he really just give her a compliment?

Before he could put much thought into whether he had or hadn't, he said, "Don't get too attached. I'm sure an insult is coming soon enough."

She rolled her eyes, but the act held little of the annoyance that it so often had these past few months. "I don't think you'd be you if you didn't match every compliment with an insult."

"Can't let anyone get too comfortable thinking I like them or something," he said in mock mortification. He had no idea what he was doing with Elena right now or why he was doing it, but he didn't find that he was anxious to stop. He hadn't been able to talk to her like this in years, and as she just said, they'd been friends once. Everything with them started as a friendship. She'd even felt like his best friend at times. He hadn't just lost their relationship when she moved to Chicago. He'd lost a friendship.

Sometimes that had been the hard pill to swallow. They'd been about so much more than sex and lust. There had no longer been a person to share his day with when it was all said and done, and he was settling into bed for the night. There was no sounding board anymore to give feedback about even the smallest things. It hadn't just been going home to an empty bed that had been hard. It was going home to the silence that had been unbearable.

In sudden, jerky movements, Elena came over to the bed and sat down at the end. She curled her feet under her and brushed her hands over the skirt of her uniform, flattening it against her thighs. "I think you've gotten lazy with Caroline, then. You can't fool her into thinking you hate her anymore."

He smiled at the thought of Caroline ever believing he hated her again. After this long, she'd probably beat him up if he stopped liking her. It was probably a safe bet, at this point, that there was no going back for them. Against all odds, that fiery blonde had wormed her way into what little of a heart he had. It would be hard to get her out now, and she wouldn't go willingly.

"I guess we're even. I'm not stupid enough to believe she isn't completely in love with me."

"To think she tried to kick you out of the wedding."

Though he'd probably never admit it to her face, Damon found it safe to say, "I did have it coming. I was pretty crappy to her when they got engaged. Then again, I was just an asshole to everyone at that time."

"You weren't an asshole to me," she said quietly.

Elena had probably been the only person at that time that he was nice to. In her own way, she was going through the same thing he was. It was what had bonded them from the first moment. When everyone else could only offer their sympathy and an ear to listen, she could offer understanding. She got it when no one else did. That had meant more than he could even realize at that time.

"You didn't remind me of Katherine. It was easy to not be a total and complete asshole when I didn't have to think about her. In fact, I remember acting pretty much the same way to Stefan and Caroline after you left." The words fell freely from his mouth before he could stop them, and like a bucket of cold water, the easygoing vibe that had somehow developed in the conversation was now tense and uncomfortable again.

Elena's gaze shifted down to her hands, avoiding him once again. "And there it is," she whispered.

He cringed at the noticeable pain that he could hear in her voice. For the first time in months, she'd started to let her guard down around him – hell, he'd let his down too – and with one off-handed comment, he'd sent them right back to square one. "I'm sorry," he tried to apologize, though it could hardly pass as sincere. "I know that you're trying, and I'm starting to, but those things just come out."

"Cause you're still mad. I've heard it before, Damon."

"Yes, I'm mad, but I really am tired of the fighting. I've fought you since you got back, and while it felt good for a while, it's not doing anything. I think I've said everything I know to say to you, so I am going to try to not say things like that anymore. This isn't exactly a regular situation." He shifted forward on the bed to move closer to her. "We were finally talking like we used to. Back when we were friends, that meant saying what we thought. As it happens to be, some of the things I think are about you, and they're not always nice. I just wasn't thinking when I said it."

She lifted her head to meet his eyes once again. Her brown eyes were filled with doubt and hope and any conflicting emotion that he could think of, but somewhere underneath it, he still saw the love. Even if he didn't want to see it, it was there. She hadn't tried to hide it either. So, because of that, he knew that his words over the past several months had hit harder for the sole reason that she still loved him. He had that power in the palm of his hands at all times. He could still hurt her. The problem now was that he couldn't figure out whether he wanted that anymore.

"Are you actually trying to be nice to me, or are you just waiting for the right time to make it all hurt a little more."

Instead of being insulted, Damon shrugged, fully understanding where she was coming from. He'd been more than forthcoming with her since she got back. It had been his only goal when he first saw her in that hallway. All he'd wanted to do was hurt her. Why wouldn't she think that he wasn't still after the same thing? Hell, why wasn't he? When had that started to change?

This room, dumbass. That was what his head told him. It was in this very room that it began to change, because she had been right. He finally heard the words she was saying to him, and he got it. It got a little harder to hold onto such dangerously high levels of anger when she'd forced him to face the reality of how he'd been at her age. At 22, he'd ended his relationship with Andie because it was too much work. Neither had been willing to compromise enough to make it work, so they'd ended it. While with her, he hadn't even been able to stay faithful.

Elena, at 22, hadn't been ready to compromise on much in her life either at the time, but without warning, she'd been given a piece of information that made that impossible. In a matter of moments, she'd gone from being a carefree 22-year-old to an expectant mom. Suddenly, she had to plan for how to have a baby, raise a baby, how to get along with him, and what it would all mean for them. She'd been petrified and before she had even fully grasped all of that, everything changed again. In all of the nights he'd spend wondering how it all went so horrifically wrong, he'd never considered that, not until she laid it all out in front of him.

So yeah, with those thoughts, things had changed. The anger wasn't quite so prevalent. It didn't feel like it had taken hold of his entire body anymore. That made it easier to see her and not want to immediately make her cry. That seemed to translate into him being nice to her.

"Yeah, I'm trying."

"Really?" She pulled in a breath of anticipation, hope bursting inside of her at the knowledge that this moment might be real, that he might be telling the truth.

"Really."

The air came out of her in a whoosh, and a bright smile broke free on her face. "Thank God, because I don't think I can handle much more of what we've been doing."

"You and me both."

"That means a lot." She shook her head emphatically. "It does, Damon. Thank you."

"On this note, we should probably rejoin the land of the living." As much as he would like to stay back in the bedroom and away from the growing crowd in his brother's living room, he knew he'd run out of time. Someone would be coming to look for him soon.

"Yeah," Elena agreed and slid off the bed. She quickly adjusted her ponytail that was pulled tightly on her head and turned for the door, but he shot his arm out and caught her before she could move. Startled, she turned to look down at him. "What?"

"Your date. You never did tell me anything." He was curious to know whom this mystery guy was that she'd shown up with. If he said he was trying to be nicer, didn't that give him the privilege to make casual conversation with her?

She looked uncomfortable at the mention of her date again, but more at ease than she had been earlier. "He's just a guy that Caroline knows. She thought we had a few things in common, so she set us up. It's really not anything."

His hand slid down her arm to fold comfortably into her grasp, her small fingers curling against his. Quietly, he asked, "So, you're basically back to going on blind dates with men to appease Caroline?"

"No," she vehemently denied. "I wanted to go on this one. I told him I'm not ready for anything, though. We're pretty much here as friends. There aren't any expectations for anything else. I plan to remain single for a long time."

He smiled at her words. He couldn't think of many men that would go on a date with her and be happy with not getting anymore. There would be several disappointed men in her future.

"He's probably not good for you anyway."

Elena's eyes widened and he could feel something shift in the room. She looked down at their joined hands and then back to his face. A flurry of emotions swam through her eyes, and he could feel his own heartbeat begin to slow. The words had come from nowhere, not even thought inside of his own head before they fell from his mouth, but he'd said them. They hung between them like a heavy weight, pulling them both down, toward the revelation he'd just unknowingly made.

He was jealous.

It hadn't been a possibility in his mind until she said that the date meant nothing, but that's what the wonderment had been about. It wasn't that he didn't ever want her to move on, or that he thought it would never happen. He just didn't want it to happen right now. It was a place he didn't want to touch in his mind, scared of what it might reveal, but with her confirmation that she had no plans to move on, he wouldn't have to go to that place. By the time she moved on, that dark place in his mind would be gone, and he'd never have to know what was there.

He simply needed more time to process having her back in his life. Everything was still so confusing and tangled. If he could simply organize everything in his head, the jealousy would go away. If he could focus on Andie, and what they had together, he'd be fine. Everything would be fine.

"God, Elena, are you sewing yourself a new shirt?" Caroline barged into the room, ready to turn toward the bathroom when she spotted Damon and Elena by the bed. Her eyes widened comically at the site and her mouth fell open. Caroline Salvatore had been rendered speechless.

Elena quickly spun around to face her friend, forcing her hand to fall from Damon's grasp, something he saw Caroline's eyes watch intently. "Sorry, Caroline. I was trying to get the stain out and then Damon came in. We were just coming back out, though." He listened to Elena ramble, trying to find the words to explain what Caroline had just walked in on.

"We?" Caroline questioned, not fully understanding the connotation.

"Um, yeah, we were just talking, but we're done."

"Talking?" she echoed.

"Yeah, but I've probably been back here forever. I should get back out there. I'm sure Colin thinks I ran away." Elena quickly went to the door, but when she realized Caroline wasn't coming, she asked, "What are you doing? I thought you came to find me."

"I did, but I have to go to the bathroom," she quickly explained. "My bladder is my son's dance floor tonight. I have to go every five minutes."

Elena grimaced. "Yeah, I'll see you back out there." She disappeared from the room, leaving him alone with a very pregnant Caroline that did not remotely look like she had to go to the bathroom.

"Thought you had to pee?"

Slowly, she turned to face him, her eyes suspicious and hard. "So, talking?"

"Yes. You should be familiar with the concept. God knows you do it enough."

Caroline rolled her eyes, not amused by his humor. "You and Elena were talking, and there were no tears involved? Forgive me, if that is a little surprising."

"Would you prefer I make her cry?"

Caroline had been lecturing him for months about being nicer to Elena. Now that he was, she was going to question it? Sometimes he wondered if pregnancy was frying her brain. Just last week, she'd spent twenty minutes talking to him about figuring out where he really wanted to go with his life. At some point during the past month, the idea that she was going to become a parent began to sink in, and she was using him as a test run for having a child.

"I'm just confused. You've spent months saying that you hate her and you'll never forgive her. I can't help but be curious where the sudden change has come from."

With a sigh, Damon stood up and rested his hands on Caroline's shoulders. He slightly bent down until his eyes were level with her and said, "This might come as a surprise, but Elena and I have had conversations that people might not know of. Let's just say, she said something and I heard her, so I'm trying this whole concept of being civil."

"What are you talking about? Is something going on with you and Elena?"

"Of course nothing's going on with me and Elena," he hissed.

"Then why were you holding her hand?" Caroline demanded, her eyebrows raised and her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"Here you are." Caroline jumped at the sound of Andie's voice and twisted around to face her. Confused at what she'd walked in on, Andie eyed them suspiciously from the doorway. "Everything okay?"

Damon quickly walked to her, a lazy smile on his face. "Caroline was just having a pregnancy moment. Thank God you saved me." He placed a quick kiss on her lips, and then looked over his shoulder at Caroline. "Everything okay now?"

She swallowed thickly, but nodded her head. "Yeah, I think you've made things a lot clearer now."

"Glad I could be of service." He grabbed Andie's hand and turned his attention back to her. "What do you say we head home? I think I've had enough for one night."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Andie easily agreed. "Night, Caroline. You put together a great party."

"Thank you," Caroline told her appreciatively. "Damon, expect a call from me tomorrow."

As Damon led Andie from the room, his eyes met with Caroline's. She clearly wasn't finished with the conversation, but he had other plans. He and Elena were trying to get along right now; they didn't need Caroline inserting herself into anything. This was his business. Besides, she was pregnant. Didn't she have more pressing things to worry about, like which onesie to buy? There was also the promise he'd made to his brother to keep her out of it. This was officially him trying to follow through on what he'd said to Stefan.

"I think my schedule is a little busy tomorrow," he told her curtly. "I'll let you know when I'm free."


	31. On Fire

**Chapter 30**

**And you're on fire when he's near you  
>You're on fire when he speaks<br>You're on fire, burning at these mysteries**

"So, want to tell me what exactly your plan is for seeing Matt in Nashville?" Bonnie questioned Elena after they'd been sitting at the gate for a few minutes, waiting for their chance to board the plane. "I'm coming along on this ride, at least let me know what's going to happen."

"I've made a mess of my entire life, Bonnie," she said quietly, staring down at her clasped hands in her lap. "I also dragged a lot of people into this mess. One of those people was Matt, and I never really apologized to him. I think it's time I finally give it to him."

"But why now? Why today?"

"I have to get out of this city."

"So why not go to Hawaii?" Bonnie continued to press, but her voice gentle and caring. "Why are you going to see Matt?"

Elena turned to Bonnie and said, "Because he's where it all started, in a way. He loved me and I threw it in his face. He was holding onto hope while I was falling in love with another man. He still had dreams of our future, and I had dreams of Damon. I was horrible to him."

"You made some mistakes, but it's been four years, Elena. Surely, he's moved on and let it all go."

"It doesn't mean that I don't still owe him something." She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "And maybe, by seeing him and getting real closure, I'll be able to really move on and figure things out."

Bonnie looked at her sadly as she reached out and placed her hand over Elena's fidgeting ones. "I'm sure Matt will appreciate getting an apology from you, but I don't think this is really about him – not in the way that you think it is." She gently squeezed Elena's hands before she continued. "I think this is about Damon."

Elena's shoulders fell in defeat and sadness. "Everything I do is about Damon in some way, but I owe Matt this much. I just want to move on, Bonnie. I feel like I've left everything in limbo for the past four years and I need to let it all go. Holding on hasn't gotten me anything. I need closure."

"So what's your plan after you see Matt? What are you going to do then?"

"I think I'm going to go visit my brother in Savannah. I haven't seen him since Christmas. Then, maybe I'll go home for a little bit."

"Elena," Bonnie sighed, "You can't run away again. I know you're upset, but you can't run away from all of this."

"I'm not running away," she insisted firmly. Others might think that was what she was doing, but she wasn't. She needed time away, but she would be back soon. Her life was here, and she wasn't leaving that for long. She just needed space, and being in New York could not give her that. It was simply too hard to stay.

"You know you'll have to tell Caroline, right? She'll go crazy if you disappear. And, seeing as I'm now on the run with you, she's going to lose her mind. Once she figures out we're both gone, she's going to be on a manhunt."

"I know," Elena admitted with a soft smile. She wouldn't be able to keep Caroline in the dark for long, but she couldn't tell her anything yet. It was Damon's wedding day, and that was what Caroline needed to be focused on, not Elena running off to Nashville to see Matt. She'd never understand it. "I'll tell her everything tomorrow."

"Why not just stay? You need her too. If we stay, we can all be in this together. Let Caroline be here for this all too. Hell, I'm sure Caroline will come to Nashville with us if you ask her to. Just wait until tomorrow. I just, I know I'm okay in a crunch, but I can't do what Caroline does. You need her too."

She did need Caroline, Bonnie was right about that, but she couldn't wait for tomorrow. "I can't stay." She swallowed thickly as she looked at Bonnie, a pleading look in her eyes. "I can't be here when he gets married, Bonnie. I have to get away. I can't stay here."

Bonnie immediately nodded her head in understanding and pulled Elena toward her. "Okay, we'll go to Nashville right now. We don't have to stay. We don't have to be here. Whatever you want to do, we'll do it."

* * *

><p>Elena hauled the armload of bags off of the elevator in Caroline's building, following her rambling friend to her front door. "Why did you let me shop for two hours?" she whined to Elena. "Stefan is going to kill me when he sees how many things I bought when we still haven't had the baby shower yet. By the way, shouldn't you get on that? Isn't the point of a baby shower for it to happen before the baby is actually here? I'm, like, 30 weeks pregnant, Elena. Time is kind of running out. Besides, if you and Bonnie wait much longer, there won't be anything left that I actually need for him, and then Stefan will really get mad. He's been testy lately. I think he's getting nervous about the baby. And don't even get me started on Damon. I have no idea what's gotten into him, but he's been a complete asshole lately."<p>

She could only roll her eyes as Caroline continued to prattle on about Stefan and how he'd been acting weird lately. Elena suspected that the reason for his behavior would be revealed very soon. In fact, she predicted Stefan would be back to normal in a matter of moments.

Caroline waddled into the penthouse – yes, waddled. At thirty weeks pregnant, she'd officially hit the point where she could no longer walk normally. However, it was something that could not be pointed out to her for fear of death or dismemberment. She loved all aspects of her pregnancy, except for the ones that made her feel like she was anything but an adorable pregnant woman, and waddling did not make her feel adorable. Damon had been the one to learn the lesson the hard way. She wondered if he still had a bruise from where Caroline hit him with her purse. She and Bonnie probably owed him an apology for that one.

They rounded the corner, and in an instant, Elena knew that all of the lying and deceiving has paid off. They're assaulted with a chorus of "Surprise!" led by Bonnie and Caroline's mother, both front and center in the crowd of women.

Elena watched Caroline's face in giddy anticipation. The blonde's blue eyes flooded with tears and her mouth hung open in shock. She stood silently, shaking her head in a daze as she took in her normally pristine living room that was now filled with her friends and decorated in an array of blue of and white. "You guys!" she finally exclaimed. "How did you surprise me?"

Giggling, Elena dropped the shopping bags to the floor and slid to Caroline's side. She wrapped an arm behind Caroline's shoulders and guided her into the room. "The how doesn't matter right now."

"Mom," she cried, reaching out to the mother she hadn't seen in months. "What are you doing here?"

"My baby is having a baby," her mom told her as she held her tightly. "I couldn't miss this."

After a few tear filled moments, Caroline pulled away and took in the sight before her yet again. "Seriously, how did you guys pull this off?"

"Stefan and Damon may have provided some assistance," Bonnie informed her with a smile. "But we'll talk about all of that later. Right now, it's time for your baby shower!" She produced a necklace from behind her back, a lone clothespin hanging from it. "All baby showers need games," she said as she placed the necklace around Caroline's neck. "So, from this moment on, no more saying the word baby. You say it, we take your clothespin and vice versa. Person with most at the end wins a bottle of wine."

Elena grabbed Caroline's shoulders and pushed her toward the couch. "Shall we begin?"

In an instant, Caroline was drawn into a crowd of giggling women assaulting her with a barrage of questions, leaving Bonnie and Elena standing toward the back, happy smiles on their faces. "And to think Stefan didn't believe we'd pull it off," Bonnie said.

Elena chuckled as she watched Caroline beam with joy over all the attention she was receiving. "Caroline thought we'd dropped the ball. We definitely got one over on her for a change."

"And it will never happen again." Elena had to agree with Bonnie's words. It was a miracle they'd pulled this off. They'd never be able to surprise Caroline like this again. "So, shall we join the party?"

Elena was sucked into the whirlwind of what exactly it meant to attend a baby shower thrown in Caroline's honor. For the next three hours, she participated in games and listened to Caroline tell story after story of what it was like to be pregnant, and how great Stefan was being to her. She got more presents than she could possibly need, but Elena wrote down the information for all of them, making sure that her best friend would be able to send cards to each and every person for the gifts she'd received.

Everything went off without a hitch and Elena knew she'd put together the perfect baby shower with Bonnie's help. They'd given Caroline everything she wanted. It made her feel great. It really did. Yet, as she watched her friend bask in the glory of it all, it hit her like a sucker punch to the gut. Caroline had everything she'd ever wanted in her life. She had her dream job, was married to her soul mate, lived in a truly amazing penthouse, and she was going to be a mother. In just a few weeks, the child that was growing inside of Caroline would be in the world. He would no longer be this foreign concept to everyone. He would be a real living and breathing person. She'd get to hold the child in her arms that she'd felt growing inside of her for months.

Elena would have none of it.

She didn't have her dream job. She'd never even written a novel, no matter how many drafts she'd started. She didn't have some great penthouse high in the sky. She didn't have a child – a child she hadn't realized how desperately she had wanted until it was gone. And most of all, she didn't have Damon. He belonged to another woman now.

"Hey, wanna help me in the kitchen?" Bonnie came up behind Elena and spoke softly in her ear. Elena nodded and followed her friend, carrying a bag of wrapping paper with her. Once they were away from all of the guests, Bonnie glanced into the living room to make sure that Caroline was still deep in conversation with a group of her coworkers before saying, "It's okay to be jealous."

Elena grimaced and glanced away from her friend's knowing gaze. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I'm not saying you have to. I'm just saying it's okay to feel how you feel. Don't beat yourself up over it, okay?" Elena slowly nodded her head as Bonnie approached her carefully. "You've been amazing about this whole baby shower. You've gone above and beyond. Everything has happened how it should have, and it's winding down. Why don't you head out and give yourself a night away from all the baby talk?"

"I can't. You saw how many presents she got. She's going to need both of us to help her sort through everything and then there's all of the food. I can't leave you to clean it all up."

"That's what Stefan, her mom, and I are for. He'll be back soon and Liz is staying for a few days. Go home, Elena, before Caroline gets a good look at your face. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for her."

She could see that Bonnie didn't like the negotiation tactic she'd had to choose, going lower than she would have liked. However, Elena knew that Bonnie was using the only weapon she had: Caroline. She'd feel bad if she left for herself, but Bonnie was right, if she stayed and Caroline thought for even a moment that she was upset, it would devastate Caroline. She'd feel like she'd forced Elena into planning the baby shower, then she'd cry, and then Elena would cry. It would be one big mess, and Bonnie was making her see that.

"Okay, I'll leave, but not before telling her goodbye. She'll know something is up if I just disappear."

"Hey, what are you two doing in the kitchen?" Bonnie and Elena turned to the entrance of the kitchen, finding Caroline with a perplexed look on her face. "Did we run you off with all the talk of fashion?"

"No," Elena quickly denied, shaking her head. "I was just telling Bonnie that I needed to head out. I have plans with Colin tonight."

Caroline's eyes brightened at the news. "Yay!" She giddily clapped her hands. "What are you two going to do? What number date is this? Is this the sex date?"

Elena blushed at Caroline's last question. "It's not the sex date, Caroline. We're just going to dinner. It's a casual dinner, that's all."

"Well, this has been happening for like a month now. It definitely means something."

"It means he's a nice guy, and I need to leave, so I don't stand him up."

"If this were any reason other than Colin, I would so not let you leave my baby shower this early. However, I will make an exception for that hunky man, and the hope that you will get a nice taste of him tonight."

"On that note," Elena laughed and rolled her eyes in disbelief, "I'm going to grab my purse and head out. Call you tomorrow?"

Caroline came forward and wrapped her arms around Elena. "You better call me. I'm going to want details about exactly what is going on with you and Colin."

Elena continued to laugh as she pulled away. "Goodbye, Caroline." She offered a quick wave and farewell in Bonnie's direction, and then quietly slipped out of the penthouse, immediately heaving a sigh of relief. She'd done it. She'd survived the baby shower. Now she needed a distraction.

She hadn't been lying when she said she was going out with Colin tonight, but they weren't supposed to meet for another hour, which gave her more than enough time to partake in a few calming drinks at the bar. So, she sent quick text to Colin, telling him to meet her at the bar instead of her apartment, and then made her way back to her area of town, giving herself a few silent minutes for all of the thoughts she'd pushed out of her head for the past two weeks to flood in.

It had been two weeks since Halloween, which meant it had been two weeks since that moment in Caroline and Stefan's guest bedroom. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it at first, partly because it wasn't where her focus needed to be, and partly because she didn't want to think about it long enough to try to understand why Damon was opening up to her again. She was scared to question it, scared of where her thoughts might lead her. That attempt lasted for two days before her brain went on complete overdrive.

She wasn't naïve enough to believe she wasn't completely desperate for whatever Damon would offer her. If friendship was what he had to give, she'd take it, and revel in it. She thought about everything, from that night, trying to piece it all together and form any sort of understanding she could, but she found little to none.

Then, in some weird form of twisted fate, as she entered the doors of Green Street Bar, smiling warmly at the familiar faces she passed, her feet came to a halt when she came to the forever-familiar head of Damon Salvatore. He sat at the bar, head hung over his glass of scotch that Mark apparently still kept in the same place for him, even after all these years. A part of her told her to turn around and walk right out before he saw her, but another part of her told her to sit at that bar and have a drink, whether Damon was there or not.

She needed the alcohol to numb the feelings swirling inside of her right now. She needed to silence the barrage of questions that assaulted her brain, all reminding her of Caroline's current pregnancy and her own failed one. She had not come here thinking that Damon would be here, but he was. He was sitting ten feet away from her, and she could turn and run or sit beside him and join him for a drink.

When Mark stood in front of Damon and slid Elena's favorite pomegranate martini right beside Damon, she knew she had to take option B. He knew she was here, and that was his invitation to join him. So, with nerves swelling inside of her, she slid onto the stool beside him and ran her finger over the rim of her martini glass. "How'd you know I'd be here?" she asked him.

He looked up from his half empty glass and stared at her in understanding laced with a bit of longing, or possibly despair. "Caroline's baby shower was today. Figured you'd be seeking out your third best friend tonight. Looks like I'm right." A whisper of a smile flashed over her lips and she turned to her drink in front of her. "Thought I couldn't go wrong with a Pomegranate Martini."

"You thought right," she told him encouragingly. "Now just make sure that a couple keep coming after this."

"That bad?"

"No," she denied, "Not bad. Just long and tedious. I was surrounded by 40 women, some pregnant, some with kids, some thinking about kids, and all the conversations revolved around babies and Caroline's baby for three hours. Anyone would need a drink after that."

"At least we didn't have to plan this one together," he pointed out. "Small favors."

Elena laughed quietly. "Caroline already has to share the spotlight with a baby. She's not about to share it with Stefan too."

She stared down at the cocktail Damon ordered for her, seeing it as some sign of a peace offering. They'd come to an unexpected truce on Halloween, but nothing was ever official with Damon until he sealed it with a drink. The night hadn't been a fluke or a drunken mistake on his part. He meant it. He meant every word he'd said in that room that night, which meant that he was also jealous.

She had felt a vast amount of confusion after that night, unsure of what it all meant. Though he was cordial to her after that, they had not had any more moments like in that bedroom, and she had not pushed for anything. She had spent months practically begging him to give her another chance and just listen to her. Then, out of the blue, he was giving her what she wanted, but she felt paralyzed in fear from it all. How did they move forward with this?

"Was Caroline surprised?" he questioned after a few moments of silence. Apparently he was not having the confusion that she was.

"Yeah," she said, still looking down at her drink. "She thought we'd forgotten. Thanks for distracting her these past two weeks." It wasn't the most prophetic thing to say, and was probably a bit of a copout, since there was so much more she needed to say, but it was all she had right now.

Damon chuckled quietly and looked down at his drink. "Any chance I get to mess with Caroline is good in my book."

"Yeah, about that," she laughed, finally finding some break in the angst inside of her, "We just asked you and Stefan to do what you could to distract her. Did you really have to tell her that she waddled like a duck?"

Once Bonnie and Elena got serious about planning Caroline's baby shower, they'd pulled Stefan and Damon in, knowing that they'd need all the help they could get to keep it from Caroline. If she'd known when her baby shower was going to be, she would have taken over the whole thing, which would have completely defeated the purpose of it all. So, Stefan and Damon had been assigned the task of keeping her distracted from it at all times. Obviously, that had meant Damon giving himself a free pass to drive a hormonally charged Caroline out of her mind for two weeks.

"You told me to keep her in the dark, no matter what. When she started rambling about how you and Bonnie had blown her off for lunch, she was five seconds away from figuring it all out. I had to pull out the big guns."

"By telling her she's fat?" she demanded incredulously. A part of her was amazed how easy it was to fall right back into this banter with him, when only moments before she'd been confused and unsure. Now, she was laughing and things were normal. In an instant, he could do this, pull her out of her head and into this ease they once had.

"I did not say she was fat!" he denied fervently, a wide smile on his face. "I told her she waddled, which was totally and completely true. She's lost all ability to walk like a normal person, which really isn't surprising since she's the size of my arm and has a basketball strapped to her stomach. Anybody would waddle under those circumstances."

"She cried for an hour!"

"After she beat the shit out of me!" he exclaimed.

"She did not beat you."

"My bruise would tell you differently."

Elena rolled her eyes and looked down at the bar, staring into her brightly colored drink. She and Damon fell into an awkward silence after that, neither sure of where to carry the conversation now, and she was reminded that the ease did not last forever. This attempt at finding their friendship again was still brand new. She didn't know what the boundaries were this time. Three years ago, when she'd first been getting to know him, there had been no boundaries. She could say anything to him. There was no limit to what they could talk about. She got to share all of her thoughts with him, and now she couldn't.

The desire was there for both of them to get something normal back between them, but there was a discomfort there that had never been there before. Halloween had been an exception to it all. His behavior had been so unexpected that she'd easily fallen into it, too surprised to really think about what she was doing. Now that almost a month had passed since then she still didn't know how to approach any of it. She didn't know what to think or do. He did this to her. He could make her feel comfortable and at ease one moment, but then confused and scared the next.

It left her in the awkward position, where they would be fine for a few moments, and then she'd freeze up, unsure of what to say or do. Damon would pick up on the tension and drop everything, leaving them in this tense silence until one of them finally made an escape or they were interrupted. Then, she'd spend the next several hours beating herself up over it all because each time that happened was a lost conversation with them, a lost chance for her to be able to look at him and listen to him.

Those thoughts would inevitably lead her to wondering what had changed. He had been so vocal about the fact that he hated her and wanted to cause her nothing but pain. Then, one night, they were sitting on a bed as he told her that he was tired of the fighting that had left her so drained for so many months. He was telling her that he wanted to try – he wanted that ease back. It had all been music to her ears, but it had left her so painfully confused, and his inquiries about her date had only served to mess with her head more. She didn't get it. She didn't understand what it meant.

Was he jealous? Was he making a simple observation? Was it said to specifically get under her skin and make her think that he was jealous? Did it mean anything at all? Those were the questions that consumed her, but she was too scared to bring it up with him, and even if she did, the odds that he would give her an honest answer were practically nonexistent.

She was just lost and confused, and she wanted answers. She needed them.

"Why are you tired of fighting me?" she finally questioned timidly, scared that she was pushing the envelope too far. This was all so new and surreal. There was a tentative olive branch they were both holding onto, and with just one wrong squeeze, it could break in their hands, gone for good. She didn't want to lose that. Even if she couldn't have him romantically, she could at least have him like this, and she'd take anything he could give her. She missed him that much. She couldn't go on like this, though. She needed to know what was happening, even if it did push the envelope too far.

He was silent for several moments, contemplating his answer as he swirled the ice around in his empty glass. When she was sure she was about to explode from the anticipation, he spoke. "It wasn't doing anything anymore," he admitted, equally as quiet as she had been. "At first, I enjoyed the pain I caused you. I needed it to feed something inside of me. Then it stopped working, and it took too much effort to try and make it start again." With nervous eyes, she looked up at his earnest face that she once thought held the answer to everything she needed to know – sometimes she still thought that. "It takes a lot of energy to hate you, Elena."

Elena closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. "It takes a lot of energy to be hated by you."

"Nothing can ever be easy with us, can it?"

"I don't know. I thought things were pretty easy for a while."

"Maybe in some ways," he admitted. "We always had those complications, though. You're a stubborn woman." A slow smile eased its way onto Damon's face.

"Do you admire that trait again, or do you still loathe it?"

Damon turned to her, a pained look in his eyes. "I never did loathe your stubbornness, and _that_ is what I loathed."

They fell silent as he stared at her, entering the territory of the unknown once again. His eyes bore into her soul, seeing things she thought long gone. Even after all this time, he still understood her, still saw her. All of the anger and wishes to the contrary could not change that. He'd tried to blind himself to that reality, but she could see it now, see that he still understood her.

It gave her the courage to smile and say, "They promoted me to a junior editor at my job. I'm not just a first reader anymore." It was a shaky subject for her to bring up, that she knew. It could easily devolve into an argument about her time in Chicago, but it felt wrong to not tell him. Even if she hated every day that she'd left him and gone to Chicago, she was happy to finally have something to show for it. Sure, she had those moments of anger about where her life was, but she was getting somewhere now.

He continued to stare at her for several energy filled moments before he held his glass out in her direction. "Congratulations," he said quietly.

She slowly lifted her martini glass to tap it softly against his glass. "Thank you, Damon. That means a lot."

"One of these days you're going to have to actually write something of your own. You can't read other people's work forever." He lowered his glass back to the bar and moved closer to her, sliding his knee between both of hers, his hands both resting low on her hips as he looked at her. "You have to make it all count for something. If you don't ever write, everything that's happened in the past two years is all for nothing."

She swallowed thickly, her heart pounding loudly in her chest, as if it were fighting to break free from her body. He hadn't touched her since Halloween and it gave her just as much of a reaction now as it had then. It was confusing and captivating all at the same time, leaving her pulled in two different directions, which only left her with more questions. Everything with Damon lately seemed to leave her with more questions.

"I know," she told him softly, her voice barely loud enough to reach his ears, but at his slow nod, she knew he'd heard her. "I'm trying."

"We've both been saying that a lot lately, haven't we?"

She smiled as he laughed and shook his head. "It's all we've got."

His shoulders relaxed and he blew out a deep breath, but his hands didn't move from her waist. It was practically driving her insane that she could feel the tips of his fingers on her skin, but she could do nothing in return. All she could do was remain frozen in place and hope that he wouldn't move them. She didn't want to lose his touch just yet.

"So," Damon began uncertainly, "Have you eaten dinner?"

The question came so unexpectedly that she found she had no voice as he watched her, waiting for an answer. What did she even say to this? How did she respond? There were so many factors she had to consider. No matter how desperately she might wish it, if she said yes, this wouldn't be a dinner between two people trying to be friends. This would be a dinner between two exes, one who was in a committed relationship. She wasn't twenty-two anymore, and could no longer delude herself into thinking that this would only affect them. His sister-in-law was her best friend. His brother hated her. It was nothing close to as simple as his question made it sound.

However, in the middle of all of her confusing thoughts, she didn't have a chance to get an answer out of her mouth before she heard her name called from across the bar. "Elena!" Her head turned at the sound of Colin's voice, immediately remembering the other reason the question was so complicated. She already had plans. It was why she was here – to meet him.

He smiled as he approached them, and she quickly moved to her feet, losing Damon's touch on her skin in the process. "Hey," she greeted him, immediately finding herself in his arms as he hugged her and brushed a soft kiss on her cheek. When she pulled back and returned to her seat, she could see the confusion on Damon's face and the tension in his shoulders. He looked to Colin and then to her, trying to piece together what was happening in front of him, but she knew he'd need her assistance to understand. "Damon, this is Colin, the guy Caroline set me up with."

A knowing look settled in his eyes and he slowly shook his head before looking back to Colin. He extended his arm toward the other man while plastering a smile on his face. "Nice to meet you." After they shook hands, Damon motioned back to Elena. "I thought this wasn't –"

Elena quickly jumped in before he could finish his question. "Oh, Colin and I are just going for dinner. He seemed to have the same idea as you, figured I'd need a bit of a break after being surrounded by pregnancy for a few hours. We're just going to head up to that little Thai place that I like."

A flash of remembrance sparked in his eyes and she knew that he knew exactly which restaurant they were going to. "Right, I remember that one." He turned to Colin. "I can't say that I remember the food, but I definitely remember the view." His eyes moved over to hers. "Best view in all of New York City."

Elena struggled to swallow down the last sip of her cocktail, but her throat felt closed and raw. She knew there was no view from the Thai restaurant other than graffiti covered buildings across the street, which meant his words carried a different meaning altogether. "It was a good place," she quietly acknowledged. "Good memories."

What was going on?

"So, Colin," Damon began, casually swirling his alcohol in his glass as he stared at the man standing next to her, "What is it that you do?"

Colin slid his arm behind her shoulders and rested his hand on the bar. "I'm a model. That's how Caroline met me and got the idea to set me up with Elena."

Damon's eyes widened in shock. "A model?" He looked at Elena, a tight smile on his face. "How _interesting_." Elena tried to keep her form relaxed as Damon looked like a lion after its prey.

"Damon," she said, worry lacing her voice.

"What?" His eyes slid to her, feigned ignorance and complete innocence fluttering in his gaze. "It's truly fascinating. I didn't think models were your type." When she tilted her head, her eyes begging him to stop whatever it was he was trying to do, he merely smiled wider. "Don't look so scared, Elena. I'm not going to hit the boy. In fact, I'll even share a drink with him. You are old enough to drink, right?"

Colin continued to smile, looking unfazed by Damon's attempt at whatever it was Damon was going after. "I've been legal for awhile. I just look young as a side effect of protecting what makes me my money."

"Right," Damon sounded the word out slowly, but motioned Mark over to him. He quickly obliged, but his eyes widened as he took in the trio in front of them. "Mark, my friend, would you mind making a drink for Elena's friend here?"

"Yeah, Blue Moon with an orange, right?" He asked Colin, who quickly nodded. As he was turning around to prepare the drink, he looked at Elena and asked, "I know you're retired and all, but we're out of oranges. Do you want to come back here and slice some up for me?"

She knew Mark couldn't possibly be close to being out of oranges, but she agreed, nonetheless. "Sure." She jumped off the stool and made her way behind the bar.

She retrieved two oranges and a knife, and was quickly slicing them up when Mark slid up next to her. "Please tell me you know what you're doing."

She didn't look up from the oranges as she questioned, "Would you believe me if I said I did?"

"Maybe if you didn't look like a deer caught in headlights."

"I didn't know he was going to be here, okay?" she hissed, finally glancing up at her former coworker.

"Damon or your new boy?"

"Damon!" she gritted out from between her teeth, trying to keep the look on her face as neutral as possible. "And Colin isn't my new boy. We're just friends."

"Tell that to your ex-boyfriend."

"I have," she insisted.

With a sigh, Mark grabbed an orange slice from in front of her and placed it on the rim of the glass of beer in his hand. "Maybe you should tell him again. And while you're in the process, maybe figure out what you've gotten yourself into."

"Why are you talking to me like I've done something wrong? Nothing is going on."

"He had his hands on your ass not five minutes ago. And he was waiting here for an hour before you showed up."

"We're trying to be friends. He's over me, Mark. He's made that perfectly clear since the day I showed up and he slammed a door in my face. I'm just trying to get my friend back. And his hands were not on my ass."

Mark sighed again and looked at her with a sense of pity. "For your sake, I hope you know what you're doing."

Elena grabbed the drink from him and made her way back to Damon and Colin, who were staring at each other, both silent and unmoving. She smiled and handed the beer to Colin. "Your drink."

"Thanks." He accepted the glass from her and quickly drained it of half of its contents before she could sit down.

"So," Damon motioned between Elena and Colin, "You two go out often?"

Elena looked at Colin then back to Damon. "A couple times a week."

Colin set his beer down on the bar and rested his hand on Elena's shoulder. "You ready? We should probably get to dinner."

"Yeah," Elena readily agreed. She could feel the tension, and she wanted to be free of it as soon as possible. She wasn't lying when she said that nothing was going on with Colin, but the energy changed the moment he appeared and Damon realized who he was. She didn't understand it, but she didn't want to stick around to see if she could figure it out. "I'll be out in a second. I just need to pay my tab and say goodbye to Mark." She watched as Colin nodded and exited the bar before she looked at Damon. "Thank you for coming out here to see how I was after the baby shower."

He smiled tightly. "I needed an excuse to see Mark. We have a bit of a forbidden friendship going on. I can't let Alaric get jealous."

"Right," Elena nodded as she grabbed her purse, knowing he was deflecting her words of thanks. "Anyway, I'll see you around?" she asked, somewhat hopefully.

"Yeah, I think you'll be seeing me around," he agreed, but his words sounded distant and hollow. "Go have fun on your date."

"It's not," she began to explain, but he cut her off.

"Go, Elena. I'd hate for him to wander off with a stranger offering candy."

She looked at her feet and nodded her head, wishing that things were comfortable like they had been just a few short minutes ago. Slowly, she made her way to the exit, but before she got too far, she turned around again. He was staring after her, and when her eyes caught his, he looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak. "Damon, for what it's worth, it really does mean a lot that you cared enough to come. Even if we didn't talk about it, I know you're the only one that gets it. Thank you."

He smiled sadly at her, his eyes filled with a longing that she understood all too well. It was the look of wishing that things hadn't ended up this way; that they weren't in this place. And when she waved before she turned to continue out of the bar, she knew that even if he never said the words, a part of him wanted the same thing she did, for her to have never lost the baby. Though it hurt, it gave her some small sense of comfort that she'd never gotten before she left him. She didn't feel quite so alone in the loss anymore. However, that would be the last thing they ever truly shared. He was with Andie now, and she was getting to know Colin, open to seeing if anything could come from it. It still sucked, but she had to do what Damon said; she had to make the past two years count for something.


	32. Skinny Love

Author's Note: I do not think there are any words for how much of a labor of love this chapter is for me. I have had this planned since before I even wrote the prologue. I have to give a HUGE thank you to Anna, Daisy, and Tamilnadu09. I don't know if I'd be able to post this chapter without them. I might also suggest listening to Skinny Love by the magnificent Bon Iver. It gave me lots of inspiration. There really isn't much I can say to preface this chapter. So, I'll just say I love you all. You leave me the most amazing reviews that have me smiling so much I worry about the lines I will get on my face from it. Just remember that...and please don't kill me.

**Chapter 31**

**And in the morning I'll be with you  
>But it will be a different kind<br>And I'll be holding all the tickets  
>And you'll be owning all the fines <strong>

The limo was tense and silent, filled with so many things that needed to be said, but nobody willing to say them. Sawyer was still peacefully asleep in Caroline's arms, and she was leaning against Stefan with her eyes closed, even though she wasn't asleep. Alaric was next to him, content to stare at the glass of scotch in his hands that he'd brought with him in the car. And Damon, well, he was just trying not to lose his mind. He knew what everyone was thinking, could see it clear as day, and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

Everyone liked Andie just fine, but none of them believed that this was right for him. It was probably the fact that they did like her that made them feel strongly about this. Andie had never been anything but good to him. She'd always loved him and never hurt him. He knew that he couldn't claim the same. He never set out with the intention to hurt her, but he knew he had. There were more lies between them than even she knew. He'd let her down in more ways than she knew, but he wouldn't let her down today.

He couldn't.

This wasn't just about them. Her father was running for President of the United States, and he actually had a shot. That meant if everything stayed calm, he'd most likely receive the official nomination in a few months. For that to happen, everything in his family needed to be perfect. It would be anything but perfect if his daughter got ditched on her wedding day.

He'd chosen this path knowing where it led. He had gone into this with eyes wide open, no thought of going back. Though, things hadn't exactly gone as planned for the past few months, it didn't change the reasons why he proposed to her. He loved her and she loved him. They made sense together. Their lives were in the same place, and they wanted the same things out of life. They wanted them with each other. It might not be the perfect marriage that people thought they would have when they were young and stupid, but it was the right one.

"Drink?" Alaric extended his bottle of scotch, a nervous look in his eyes.

He looked at the bottle, weighing his options. He'd already had a few drinks today, but nothing close to what he needed, and the alcohol had already started to wear off. However, he probably needed to be sober for his wedding. It probably wouldn't be a great idea to show up drunk to his wedding to a senator's daughter. Then again, right now it didn't feel like his best decision to stay sober. To drink, or not to drink?

"Yeah," he said, snatching the bottle from Alaric before anyone could argue. Alcohol always won out for him. Children used safety blankets; he used alcohol.

"Again?" Stefan questioned from his place in the limo.

Damon scowled at his brother. "No comments from the peanut gallery."

Stefan watched Damon bring the bottle to his lips and consume an ample amount before he rolled his eyes and said. "I don't get you sometimes."

"What's there not to get? I'm an open book."

Stefan snorted. "Okay, whatever you say."

"Can we please not do this again?" Caroline whispered, opening her eyes to give Damon an exhausted look. "I am tired and stressed out. At this point, I just want to get this wedding over with so I can take Sawyer home. So, please, both of you shut up."

* * *

><p>Damon watched from the side of Andie's sunken tub as she put the finishing touches on her makeup in front of her bathroom mirror. Her father had decided earlier this year to make his official announcement of his intention to run for President of the United States. So, for the past several months, his girlfriend had been in a whirlwind of family obligations. There were dinners to raise money for his campaign, photoshoots to show what a family man he was, and interviews to solidify this fact even further. It all seemed to be working for her father, so that left her busier and busier with everything. And seeing as her father hated him, Damon was involved in none of it. In short, Damon's girlfriend had felt like a ghost as of late.<p>

Tonight, she had a dinner with people her father was hitting up for even more money for his campaign, leaving him to fend for himself at Alaric's birthday party. Normally he wouldn't mind, but he could admit that it would be nice to actually spend some time with his girlfriend outside of the bedroom. It came as a bit of a shock to him, but he missed having her around. When he did not have her at his side, it made Caroline, Stefan, and Alaric feel as if they could say anything they wanted to him. That anything was usually Elena. Ever since they'd called the cease fire, everyone felt the need to offer their two cents on the matter. It was two cents that he wanted no part of. What was going on between him and Elena was just that, between him and Elena. They had no business in his business, and he wanted them out of it.

He also missed getting to unwind with Andie. She didn't push him, and it was okay for them to not have serious conversations every night of the week. He got to relax with her. Even if she wasn't totally comfortable with his family and friends again, she didn't push him for anything. She let him be, and that was nice.

"This dinner shouldn't last later than 10:30, which means I should still be able to get to Ric's in plenty of time to enjoy the party."

"I don't know," Damon clicked his tongue in his mouth and grimaced slightly. "By 10:30, Ric might already be passed out in an alcoholic stupor in his bathtub."

Andie laughed and met Damon's eye in the mirror. "He is far too much of a professional to throw in the towel that early. Besides, he can't have his girlfriend thinking he's a lightweight."

The words still sounded foreign to his ears when someone would mention the word girlfriend and Ric's name in the same sentence. Apparently he'd shacked up with one of his students during a summer course, and hadn't told anyone, _even him_, that he wasn't really single anymore. His excuse was that she was his student and it was against the rules, so they had to hide it from everyone until she'd been out of his course for a while, which had turned out to be three months. His best friend fell in love and didn't even tell him.

No, it didn't upset him at all. Anyone who said otherwise was crazy.

"I can't believe he's dating a 21-year-old. She probably still does keg stands for crying out loud."

"Honey," Andie spun around to lean against her sink and cross her arms over her chest, "If memory serves, I'm pretty sure you did a keg stand over Fourth of July weekend."

"It was a dare!"

"You're 31."

"Well, if my memory serves, you told me that it had been _oh my God, so hot_, later that night."

It was now Andie's turn to act indignant and scoff. "I was plastered." He opened his mouth to fire off a witty retort when Andie held her hand up to stop him. "Do not use my own argument against me."

Damon reached out and snatched her extended hand, tugging her to him, where he pulled her onto his lap. "Let's just call this argument a draw and let it go?"

When he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her to him, she twined hers around his neck. "I'll be at Ric's as soon as I can, okay?" she asked, moving back to their previous topic of conversation.

"Am I ever going to get you to myself again?"

She chuckled softly. "Yes," she promised, "Election season doesn't last forever."

"But if your dad actually wins this thing, aren't you going to be just as busy being the daughter of the president?"

"My life will change, of course, but we don't have to. Things are just going to be busy for right now."

"You know, it kind of feels like your dad is running for president just to keep you from spending time with me."

Andie softly slapped his chest. "He would not do that. However, he would totally use the situation to his advantage. He is a politician after all."

"Oh, so you do admit that he's an asshole?"

"Damon," she sighed, her jaw clenching in frustration. This was always their point of contention: her father.

When she moved to stand up, he held her tighter to him. "I'm sorry, I know we don't agree about your father."

"Agree? We're not even in the same stratosphere."

"The man hates me with the fire of a thousand suns. He's not exactly innocent in this whole thing either."

"He is warming up to you, Damon," she insisted softly. "He's just protective over me. Your father is the same way, whether you want to admit it or not." He sighed, but said nothing, not wanting to touch the topic of his father with a ten-foot pole. "I really do need to head out, though. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can leave. So, I'll be at Ric's as soon as I can, and then we'll stay at your place. Sound good to you?"

"What about the rest of the weekend? How many hours of free time has your father allotted for you?"

She smiled widely and leaned down to press a soft kiss on his lips. "I am all yours for the duration of the weekend. There's the whole Delaware straw poll coming up, but for this weekend, I am yours and yours alone."

"Promise?"

She continued to smile as she nodded her head. "I have a special bag I'm bringing over in honor of this special occasion."

He perked up at the mention of a special bag. "What happens to be in this bag? May I get a preview?"

"I'm not going to tell you much, but I will tell you this. I had an interesting shopping trip at La Perla earlier this week. I'll leave you with that tidbit."

He smirked and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "I think I approve. However, I will need a thorough inspection to make sure."

"I think we can make that happen." She smiled happily as she lifted his wrist to look at his watch. Seeing the time, her eyes widened and she jumped from his lap. "I swear, you try to distract me to make me late for things with my family." He watched, slightly amused, as she scurried around her bathroom, trying to make sure she had everything she needed.

"It's not my fault that I'm so captivating."

"Just shut up and help me get out the door," she barked at him, but it held no trace of anger or annoyance.

With a sigh, he moved to his feet and made his way through her apartment, being sure to turn off all of the lights, and the radio that she seemed to always have playing softly in the background when she was home. By the time he was done, she was running from her bedroom, holding her long gown up so she would not trip. She looked slightly panicked as he stepped in front of her and placed gentle hands on her shoulders. "Calm down, take a moment, and breathe. I know tonight is a big deal for your father, but you need to calm down. You'll be fine. You aren't going to say anything wrong. Just be yourself. They'll love you."

Taking his advice, her eyes fell shut, and he felt her shoulders rise and fall beneath his touch as she worked to calm her nerves. After a few deep breaths, her eyes opened again, now free of the panic that he had seen moments before. "Okay, I'm better now."

"Good." He smiled and leaned forward to brush a comforting kiss on her lips. She easily melted against him, allowing herself one last minute to enjoy him before she had to leave. "I'll talk to you later?"

"You will," he assured her.

"Okay, do you want to make sure to lock up, then?" she asked and he nodded. "Good, I'm going to run now before my father disowns me." She placed one last, quick kiss to his lips before she began backing toward her door. "Tell Alaric I'm sorry, and happy birthday."

When she got to the door, he asked her, "Wait, don't I get anything?"

She smiled and warmly rolled her eyes. "Love you."

"Thank you." He smirked, and then added, "Love you too."

After that she was gone, leaving him to make sure that he hadn't missed anything and then to let himself out of her apartment. Using the key she'd given him, he locked the door and went to the elevator. He'd need to make a quick stop by his apartment to pick up Ric's present and then he would head over for his birthday party.

By the time he had everything he needed and was inside of Ric's, the party was in full swing. It was almost ten, and his apartment was filled with people. It was easy to find Ric through the crowd, though. Really, it was easy to find Ric wherever he was, as long as there was a bar, Ric would be by it. With a smile on his face, he walked over to his best friend, anxious to give him his birthday present. He'd worked long and hard to find the perfect present for him, now it was time for the payoff of getting to see his face when he saw it.

"Hope I'm not interrupting." Ric pulled away from his girlfriend, a slightly frustrated look on his face. "Calm down, Alaric, you can continue making out with your precious Meredith in a moment."

The female he spoke of turned to face him, wrapping her arm around Alaric's waist. "Damon," she said tightly, "How nice to see you again."

He and Meredith weren't what anyone could really call the best of friends. He thought she was too young for Alaric. She couldn't be ready for what Alaric wanted in his life right now. Granted, there might have been a few extenuating circumstances with him and Elena, but he could vouch for the fact that dating someone who had so much left to figure out about her life hadn't worked out that well for him. He didn't want his friend to get hurt, and right now, he couldn't be sure that Meredith wouldn't hurt him. That meant that he probably wasn't as nice to her as he should be, and Meredith, who surprised him by having a backbone, responded with attitude of her own to his behavior.

He didn't know what it said about him, but it actually made him gain a little grudging respect for her. She didn't take his shit. He had to admire that. He wouldn't tell anyone that, of course, but that wasn't the point. If she could continue to surprise him like that, he might come around see her as a decent match for his best friend. Hey, it had happened before with Caroline.

"Happy birthday!" Damon pulled a shiny magazine from behind his back and handed it to his best friend.

Alaric grabbed the magazine from him and stared down at it in disbelief. After a moment, he lifted his head and asked, "You got me a subscription to AARP? Seriously?"

"Two-year subscription." Damon beamed and pointed down to the post-it note on the front of the magazine. "See?"

"You couldn't even wrap it? If you're going to give me a crappy gift, you could at least try to dress it up."

"Oh, just read the damn post-it note," Damon snapped and moved the few feet toward the bar. He found his bottle of scotch hidden in the midst of all the other alcohol and began to prepare a drink for himself.

A short few moments later Ric is next to him, a bright and wide smile on his face. "You got me a one-year subscription to a scotch of the month club?"

Damon slid the glass of scotch he'd made over to Ric. "Nice to know your reading comprehension skills are still in tact."

"It's your birthday!" Damon and Ric both flinched at the high-pitched squeal from Caroline as she ran toward them, arms extended for a hug. She threw them around Alaric and hugged him the best her protruding stomach would allow. "Happy birthday!"

Alaric could only laugh as he hugged Caroline in return. One would think that being in the third trimester of pregnancy might slow Caroline down, but Damon had found that it hadn't slowed her down in the slightest. She was as peppy and energetic as ever. In fact, Damon thought the pregnancy was slowing Stefan down more than it was Caroline. Then again, his brother was known for his overwhelming ability to worry about anything and everything.

"Thank you, Caroline."

Stefan appeared now, moving much slower than his wife, a bottle of bourbon in his hands. "Your present," he said in lieu of a greeting. "Try to make it last longer than an hour."

"I make no promises." Alaric smiled and grabbed the bottle from Stefan. "After this party, I'm going to be set on alcohol for at least a month." Damon eyed his friend skeptically, who then amended, "Okay, two weeks. Maybe."

"I love being pregnant and all, but I really miss drinking. It's been seven months since I have been able to sit down and enjoy a nice glass of wine."

"Don't be sad, Blondie. I've made sure to drink enough for the both of us," Damon assured her with a smile and a tip of his glass in her direction.

"You've made sure to drink enough for five people, Damon," Meredith told him, smiling brightly in his direction, only a hint of sarcasm in her eyes.

"Watch it, Meredith," Damon warned. "You are dating an alcoholic."

Alaric shrugged, unaffected by the classification, but added, "I prefer the term connoisseur of liqueurs and spirits."

"Rich man's alcoholic," Damon said, nodding appreciatively. "I like it." Alaric grinned and tapped his glass against Damon's. "This is why we're best friends."

"Ooh! Elena's here!" Caroline exclaimed, raising her arms and waving them in the air. Cause, you know, Elena would have never been able to find them otherwise. What with them hidden among the masses of forty people, it was like a riveting game of Where's Waldo?.

Elena easily spotted them, courtesy of the perky blonde frantically waving her arms in the air, and came toward them. She took a few steps, then turned around, and motioned to someone behind her. Moments later, Colin moved next to her, a warm smile on his face, while a scowl took hold of Damon's. She brought the model to Alaric's party? What was he, her puppy that followed her everywhere she went?

She was holding lightly to his arm when they reached the group, but she quickly dropped it to lean forward and hug Caroline before she produced a tall and thin black bag for Alaric. "Happy birthday, Ric. I come bearing gifts."

Smiling, Ric grabbed the bag from her hands and reached in to pull out a bottle of Ric's favorite bourbon. "I can't believe you still remember. You're a good woman, Elena Gilbert."

Elena winked at Ric. "A good bartender never forgets a drink order." She turned to Colin and grabbed his arm to pull him into the small circle. "I hope you don't mind that I brought a friend, Ric. This is Colin. I don't think you met him on Halloween."

Ric set his present from Elena down on the bar and reached his hand out toward Colin, who politely shook it. "Nice to meet you, man. Help yourself to the bar. There should be more than enough to go around."

"Thanks," Colin said. "Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thank you, but honestly, once you hit thirty, they're really just an excuse to get too drunk to see."

"Isn't that a Friday for you?" Elena teased.

"Please," Alaric scoffed. "That's a Monday."

Damon rolled his eyes and Elena joked around with Ric like he was her oldest buddy. Ric was his best friend, and he had been long before Elena came into the picture, but since she was a bartender and Ric was an alcoholic, she thought that made them buddies. And stupid Ric encouraged it. How was that for solidarity? His best friend still treated the woman that broke his heart like she was the second coming of Jesus because she knew how to mix a good drink. Traitor.

Okay, he could admit that he sounded a little petty. Scratch that, he sounded a lot petty. It was just – his mind had been doing weird things since their conversation in the bar just over a week ago. He'd been seconds away from asking her to dinner when that smiling model came waltzing in, kissing her cheek, and resting his arm behind her chair like it belonged there. On Halloween, when he first asked her about Colin, she'd sworn that it was nothing. He'd believed she was going out with Colin to appease a wish of Caroline's. Color him surprised, when it turned out that, not only were they still spending time together, but also Caroline wholeheartedly believed it was going somewhere. Yep, Blondie was just positive that she'd found Elena her soul mate.

"Having a good conversation with your scotch, there?" Damon looked up at the sound of his brother's voice. He was surprised to see that Stefan was the only one left standing in front of him now. Apparently, everyone else had dispersed.

Damon looked into the glass and shrugged. "I figured I'd bond with it before I drank it."

"I take it you aren't a fan of Colin?" Stefan asked, apparently content to jump straight into the fire instead of dancing around it for a few minutes.

"He's a model, and I'm straight. What is there to be a fan of?"

Stefan shook his head. "And it would have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he's dating your ex-girlfriend?"

His head snapped up, forgetting all about the glass full of scotch in his hands. "They're dating?"

Stefan smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Figured that would get your attention."

"Answer the question. Are they dating?"

"According to my wife – so take this information for what you will – Elena swears they're not, but they must be because they see each other at least three times a week. Two more weeks and she'll have names picked out for their kids." When Damon tensed and his eyes jerked away from Stefan, his brother audibly grimaced. "Shit, I'm sorry, Damon. I didn't mean it like that."

Damon lifted his glass to his lips and swallowed every last drop before reaching for the bottle of scotch behind him. "Don't be." He smiled stiffly at his brother. "Elena can do whoever she wants. It's what I told her to do." Scotch in hand, Damon walked away from Stefan, needing ample distance from that conversation. What he really needed though was alcohol – lots of it – and distractions.

Alaric's friends weren't who he would normally view as good distractions, seeing as most of them were professors like him, but they would do tonight. He needed time to kill until Andie got here anyway. Then, once she was here, he could say that he'd played the social butterfly all evening, let her say hello to Alaric, and then go home. On the train of thought of his girlfriend, he checked his phone to see if he'd somehow missed any texts or calls from her, but he found there were none. It was nearing eleven and he still hadn't heard a word from her. How long could a fundraising dinner for a politician go on for?

"You know you'll have to like me at some point, right?" Meredith interrupted his few moments he was spending on a break from conversations with other guests. She had a glass of wine in her hand and a casual smile on her face as she stared up at him. "One day, you'll have to acknowledge that I'm actually not a siren out to lure him to his death."

"No wonder Ric fell for you. You're every dork's hot nerd fantasy come to life."

"Was that a compliment?" she questioned, pressing a finger beneath her ear and leaning forward. "Do my ears deceive me?"

Damon's phone vibrated in his pocket and he quickly pulled it out. Andie's name flashed up at him, along with a short text from her apologizing, and saying that she wouldn't be able to make it. Apparently the dinner was going to go on for longer than she'd thought, and she swore that they'd talk tomorrow. Perfect.

He looked back up at Meredith, slightly annoyed with his current circumstance. "Oh, give it a rest, you know I thought you were hot. I'm not blind."

"I know," she smirked, "But it's nice to hear something halfway positive about me from your mouth, even if it is a little degrading."

"Oh," Damon grimaced, peering down into his glass, "You're one of those."

"Calm down, I'm not a feminist."

"Good to know."

"I'm serious, though, you can't loathe me forever."

Damon looked at Meredith and rolled his eyes. "Why do you care what I think?"

Meredith stared up at Damon like he was speaking a foreign language to her. "You're my boyfriend's best friend. You think he really won't start to think differently if you can't stand me?"

"Trust me, Ric doesn't give a damn what I think. Don't believe me? Talk to Elena, she can tell you all about how they're such good friends."

Meredith sucked in a breath and nervously glanced away. "Right, the ex. Forgot about her."

"So, there you go. There's your proof that my opinion doesn't have much effect on what Ric does or doesn't do." Damon looked through the room, seeing a few couples dancing to the music, laughing and chatting with each other as they swayed comfortably. His eyes easily spotted Elena's dark hair, tied high in a ponytail, from the rest of the group. She was pressed against Colin, giggling about something, when he suddenly leaned down and captured her lips.

His entire body froze as he watched her smile against his lips before happily reciprocating it. Her arms slid up his body to wrap themselves around his neck and pull him closer to her. Her body easily fit against his as they kissed, neither looking as if there was any intention of breaking free any time soon.

"Damon?" A hand appeared in front of his face, fingers snapping, to get his attention. "You there?" He tried to pull his eyes from what he was watching in front of him, but he couldn't seem to tear himself away. It was almost like watching a car wreck. You knew it was wrong to look, but you still slowed down and craned your neck to catch a glimpse. "Damon!"

Finally, when Meredith stepped in front of him, blocking Elena and Colin from his view, he looked at her, gruffly asking, "What?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion and she took a small step backwards. "What just got into you?"

"What do you want, Meredith? It must be important if you felt the need to start snapping your fingers in front of my face."

She looked a little taken aback, and, if he wasn't mistaken, slightly hurt at the sudden change in his attitude. "I was just saying that if you really don't think that your opinion matters to Ric, you're delusional. You're his best friend. Of course he cares what you think."

"Whatever you say."

"You know, if you're really his best friend too, maybe what he thinks should also matter to you. Maybe you should care that he cares about me."

"You know what? Maybe you're right."

Meredith fought to keep the smile from her face. "Really? You're actually going to give me a chance?"

"What?" he asked, confused on where she got that idea from. "No, I don't care about your relationship with Alaric. I was talking about the delusional thing. I think you're right, I obviously have trouble seeing what's right in front of me. So, if you'll excuse me. I have something I need to do."

He left Meredith behind him, leaving her lost and unsure of what had just happened with their conversation. He was sure he might hear about that later from Alaric, and how he should be nicer to Meredith, but he didn't care right now. Alaric should know him well enough by now to know that if Damon truly didn't like Meredith, he'd behave much worse toward her. If he couldn't figure that out, that was his problem. Right now, he had other things he needed to do, more pressing things.

If he knew Elena like he thought he did, and he was pretty sure he did, she'd be running off to the bathroom any minute now. She could never last long without going to the bathroom when she was drinking alcohol, and by his count, she'd had three that he'd seen. He just needed everyone else at the party to not need to go to the bathroom. So, he slid into Alaric's bathroom, also going on the assumption of how well he knew her. He was betting that she would bypass the guest bathroom, wanting to avoid the one that everyone else had used tonight, and use Alaric's, which hadn't been used much.

Sure enough, after only a few minutes of waiting, Elena came into the bathroom, unaware of his presence just a few short feet away. "Elena," he whispered, causing her to jump and twist around to face him in the dim lighting of the bathroom. Her hands were clasped to her chest and she was breathing heavily.

"What are you doing in here?" she questioned him softly, looking out the bathroom door to see if anyone else was outside. "Why are you standing in the dark? Are you waiting for me?"

Damon brushed past her to close and lock the door. After securing them their privacy, he turned back to her, her name falling softly from his lips, "Elena."

"What are you doing? Do you need to talk about something? Is everything okay?"

"No, everything isn't okay."

She relaxed then, breathing a sigh of relief. He could see her concern filter into her eyes now that the apprehension had gone. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

Damon grimaced and looked back at the bathroom door, the door that led right back to the party, the party where she was attending with her date, Colin. This date was only supposed to be something done to appease Caroline, that's what she'd said. Well, she'd maybe said something different, but that's what it had been about. What it wasn't about was being an actual date. She had made it clear to him that she was strictly friends with the Colin guy. It was a line he'd bought for some time, until he showed up in the bar that was his place with Elena. It was their place, the place where he saw her for the very first time. And then Colin just walked in like he belonged, and apparently he did, since Mark knew his drink order. So, the friends thing became a little harder to buy after that. However, it wasn't until tonight that he was calling bullshit. They were officially dating now; nobody could deny it. He'd seen the kiss. He'd seen every last second of it.

"Why did you bring Colin?" he finally demanded, turning to face her again.

Confusion formed on her face as she stared up at him. "Because he's my friend and I thought he'd have fun."

"Why is it your place to invite people to a party, Elena? It's not like this is Caroline's party, it's Ric's."

"I know," she shrugged her shoulders, "Ric and I are friends."

"No!" he snapped, pointing a finger in her direction. "Ric is my friend, my best friend. That means you don't get to just show up with your new flavor of the moment."

Elena's jaw clenched at his words. "He's just a friend, Damon. And if Ric doesn't want Colin here, we'll leave, but I'll need Ric to tell me that himself."

"Really? Friends?" he questioned suspiciously, taking a step forward to invade Elena's space. "When's the last time you kissed Bonnie like that?" Elena's eyes were wide as she stared up at him. "Oh yeah, didn't think I'd see that did you? His tongue down your throat?"

"It's not like that," she began timidly, but he quickly jumped in.

"A model, Elena? Really? Did you learn nothing from my divorce from Katherine? _A model_?" He spoke the words like they disgusted him and left him with a bad taste in his mouth, which they did. They were gross.

"He's a good guy!" Elena defended Colin. "He's been a good friend to me. A friend that isn't tied into all of this, and understands what place I'm in right now."

"I understand what place you're in!" he exclaimed, hitting his own chest for effect. "I understand! Isn't that why we're doing this thing we're doing? I can finally acknowledge that we're on the same page with things right now?"

"Not in that way, Damon." She tried to explain. "Colin just went through a really crappy breakup. That's what place he understands that I'm in."

"Well, you're just in a lot of places right now aren't you?"

"I guess so," she sighed, "But that's what Colin is for me. He's a friend, and I could use that."

"So why are you kissing him?"

"Because he's cute and I've had a little too much to drink. It happened with us once upon a time when we had no intention of going anywhere with anything we were doing. It was a kiss, that's it!"

"But we did go somewhere!" he pointed out. "We went everywhere."

"What is going on with you? Are you drunk?" She shook her head, confused and disoriented as to the situation she'd found herself in when she came into the bathroom.

"No, I'm not drunk," he spat. "I don't get you. You told me that you were only friends and now you're making out with him all over the place. Just be honest about what you're doing, Elena. It would be nice –"

They jumped at the sound of someone pounding loudly on the bathroom door. They stared at the door, neither moving to open it. When the door didn't open, the pounding continued, this time more insistently. "Come on, pregnant woman out here with a baby on her bladder. Open the door!" They looked at each other, eyes wide when Caroline's voice came through the door.

He groaned and rolled his head back in annoyance. Caroline was the last person that he wanted to be on the other side of that door. There was no way that she'd just let it go once she saw that he and Elena were in the bathroom together.

After he made no attempt to open the door, Elena tried to move past him, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Wait," he hissed.

She rolled her eyes and tried to pull free from his grasp. "Let me go, Damon. We can't just stay in here, Damon. We have to let her in."

"I still need to talk to you."

She stared up at him, her eyes blazing with fury. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm just friends with Colin and you can choose to believe it or not." She forcefully pulled her arm away from him. "Not that it's your place to have an opinion." She brushed past him and jerked the door open, revealing Caroline's frustrated face, and her arm poised, ready to bang on the door once again. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide when Elena opened the door. "Bathroom's all yours."

"What the hell?" Her blue eyes moved from Elena to Damon, growing more confused with each passing moment. It was only when Elena pushed her way past her that Caroline jumped to attention, honing in on Damon. She stepped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. "What the hell are you doing locked in a bathroom with Elena?"

"Powdering our noses," he deadpanned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get out of your way and let you do whatever it is you need to do."

Caroline inserted herself between Damon and the door. She waved a finger in front of him. "Not so fast." She laughed mirthlessly and shook her head. "You've been avoiding me since Halloween, and after seeing this, I'm done being ignored. I don't know what the hell you have going on with Elena right now, but you need to cut it out. Either you are completely with Andie or you breakup with her and get your feelings sorted out for Elena."

"We were just having a conversation, Caroline. Whatever crazy story you've concocted in that little blonde head of yours is just that, a story. We were having a conversation, and it doesn't involve you."

"She's my best friend and you're my brother-in-law, you're damn right it involves me."

Before Caroline could press him any further, there was another knock on the door followed by Stefan's voice. "Babe, you okay in there?" He didn't wait for a response before opening the door and sticking his head in. When he found Damon and Caroline in the midst of a tense standoff, he entered the bathroom. "What's going on?"

"Your brother is being stubborn," Caroline said.

Damon looked to his brother and rolled his eyes. "No, I'm keeping your wife out of it, just like you made me promise to do." He grabbed his brother's shoulders and pushed him toward Caroline. "Here, you married her, you deal with her."

Not sticking around for anymore of Caroline's pestering; he breezed out of the bathroom, leaving the couple to themselves in the small space. For three years, Caroline had thought that she had some claim on what he did with his life. She thought it was her right to insert herself in his business. It wasn't her place, though. His business was his, and he didn't need her opinion on any of it. If he wanted to fight with Elena in a bathroom, he could damn well fight with Elena. She needed to stay out of it, and he needed for her to stay far enough away for him to finish what he'd just started with Elena.

As he rejoined the party, he saw Elena back with Colin, whispering something into his ear, a serious expression on her face. Moments later, Colin's eyes lifted and scanned the room, soon falling on him. The two men shared a look, possibly sizing each other up, or maybe just sharing mutual contempt for the other. Colin was with her now, though, and he wouldn't be able to pull her away, he knew that. He'd need someplace more private, someplace where they wouldn't be interrupted. He knew exactly where that was.

With determination, he smiled at Elena, who was now looking at him, happily waved to her, and then left Alaric's apartment. He'd catch hell tomorrow for leaving without saying anything, but he couldn't risk Elena leaving before him. He had to get to her apartment before she did. She'd have to go home at some point tonight, and hopefully she wouldn't be bringing Colin with her. If he could just catch her before she got into her apartment, she'd be his. She wouldn't be able to escape him, and he'd be able to finish this and get some answers.

He didn't care how long he'd have to wait when he got to her apartment. He'd wait all night if he had to. She'd told him that Colin was nothing but a friend to her, but there had been nothing friendly about that kiss he'd seen them share tonight. No, that had been far outside of the territory of just friends, and he wanted to know why she'd lied to him. They were supposed to be friends now. Didn't that mean she was supposed to be honest with him? Didn't that mean she was supposed to be able to talk to him about things?

So he waited, and he waited, never entertaining the thought of leaving without talking to her first. He tried to come up with some idea of what he was going to say, but he had none. Hell, even if he did, she'd completely throw him off anyway. Arguments with her never could go the way he planned for them to. She was too damn stubborn. He'd just have to wing this one.

After almost two hours, he heard the elevator doors slide open, and moments later Damon watched Elena round the corner, head hung low and facing the floor. She was close to her door when she halted in her tracks. Her shoulders tensed and she slowly lifted her eyes to his. "What are you doing here, Damon?"

"We need to talk." He stepped away from her door to allow her to step forward and insert her key into the lock, making sure that she had plenty of distance from him.

She looked back down at the ground as she passed him. "It's after midnight and I have to be up at seven. Can we just not do this tonight?"

He shook his head even though she wasn't looking at him. "Why did you have to bring him tonight?" He ignored her request, jumping straight into the deep end of the pool, ready to sink or swim.

Once her door was open, she turned and looked up at him. Her shoulders fell with a heavy sigh. "I don't know if you've noticed, Damon, but I'm surrounded by a sea of couples. I wanted to have a friend of my own tonight instead of being the third wheel to everyone else. Is that really so hard to understand?"

"He's a model, Elena!" he groaned. No matter what she or anyone else said, he just couldn't get past that fact. Elena couldn't stand models. She'd always complained when they were together that the models Caroline invited to parties were so vapid and shallow. Now, all of a sudden, she wasn't just okay with them, but she was making out with one? It didn't make sense.

Elena closed her eyes and blew out an annoyed sigh. "I'm not going to do this. Go home." She entered her apartment and tried to shut the door in his face, but he stuck his foot between the door and the frame. While she was distracted with trying to push his foot out of the doorway, he pushed against the door and shoved it hard enough to send her stumbling backwards. "God, what has gotten into you?" she demanded. "We are finally not fighting. Why are you trying to mess this up?"

"I'm messing this up?" he shouted as she closed the door and leaned against it. "You're the one who is prancing around with some stupid guy that gets paid to sit around in his boxers all day."

He wasn't exactly proud to admit it, but he'd looked the guy up. He'd almost hoped that he'd been using the term _model_ in the most basic way possible. As it would turn out, he was actually a model, and a successful one at that. The moment he'd typed in the name, he'd been bombarded with images of this Colin guy in Emporio Armani underwear. He had a billboard in Times Square and everything.

He pulled himself back to the moment when Elena pushed herself off the door and came toward him, her shoulders held high in determination, and her finger pointed in his direction. "I am not doing any prancing of any kind. I was spending an evening with a friend. Because, for your information, Damon – not that you've asked – he's turned out to be a decent person and I like him as a friend."

"If he's only your friend, why are you shoving your tongue down his throat?"

"Why do you care?" she shouted. "You and me, we're not together. It's a fact that you've made abundantly clear these past few months."

"Is it so hard to believe that I care because I'm looking out for you? Unless you've forgotten, I did the whole model thing before – the whole shebang. I married her and everything. Remember what that got me, Elena? I do believe I walked away homeless and robbed of twenty million dollars."

"If you care about me, then back off. And, hey, maybe your anger should be directed at yourself. You're the one that told me to move on."

"Not with a model!"

Elena's eyes widened and her head reeled back in disbelief. "First, you lecture me for not moving on, and now you're lecturing me because I'm not doing it the way you think I need to? You have got to be kidding me!"

"Why am I the problem in this situation?"

"Because, you looked me in my eyes and told me to move on, and now you're yelling at me, because I dared to actually do it! You sound like a psycho!"

"I'm trying to be a friend!" he exclaimed.

"That's a lie, and you know it. If you're going to barge into my apartment and yell at me, at least have the decency to not lie to my face!"

Damon looked over Elena's rigid form in front of him and scoffed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Elena set her shoulders and took a daring step toward him. "You know exactly what it's supposed to mean."

"Well, in that case," he told her, waving his arms out in front of him to effectively give her the floor, "Enlighten me, Elena. Why am I really here?"

"Because you're jealous. You told me to move on, but you didn't really want me to, not yet." She blew out an annoyed laugh and shook her head. "You can say otherwise, but you like that I'm still in love with you. It gives you some sense of power, knowing that you can destroy me with one sentence. So, of course you're mad and jealous that I'm moving on. Cause, if I really do it, if I really move on, you don't have the power anymore. You want the power, Damon."

Damon stepped away from Elena, needing distance between them. Even after all this time, he still found it so hard to think when he was this close to her in certain moments. She brought up feelings he believed were to be long gone. It had been so simple when she came back: make her pay for everything she'd done to him. It sounded perfect at the time, then things started to change. He couldn't steel himself to the regretful look on her face every time they had a conversation. He couldn't block out the sound of the pain in her voice. She got under his skin again, so he thought that they needed to try being friends again. They'd done it once; they could do it again.

It was different now, though. The boundaries were different. There was history between them that had not been there before. He felt some sort of claim on her that he hadn't before. He'd told her to move on, but he hadn't thought it would come so soon, and he certainly hadn't thought it would be with a model. Everything was happening so fast. He was on a runaway train that he had no ability to stop. It kept speeding forward until he found himself in her living room yelling at her for doing what he told her to do. And for every piece of him that told him he had no right to tell her how to move on, just as equal of a part told him that he had every right.

"You think I want this, Elena?" he asked her, feeling like he was going to crawl out of his own skin from the bone-crushing fear that ripped through his veins as he looked at her. "You think I want to be jealous? You think I just wake up every morning and think to myself, I hope Elena brings Colin to something, so I can be jealous? You destroyed everything when you left, but I finally put it back together. It took two years, but I did it. And then, out of the blue, you showed up on Caroline's doorstep, back for good. Everything was finally back to normal, and now you've messed it all up again." Without thinking, he stepped forward and grasped her face in his hands. "God, why did you have to mess everything up?"

He could feel Elena tense against him, her body going rigid with shock. Her eyes flooded with confusion as she stared up at him, her mouth parted to release the short, quick bursts of breath that she blew against his chin. "Damon," she whispered, her voice caught somewhere in the back of her throat.

"All I wanted to do was hate you. It was supposed to be so easy. Why did you have to make it so hard? Why couldn't you let me hate you?"

She shivered against him as she stared into his eyes with confusion. She opened her mouth to speak, but he didn't think he could hear what she had to say. Before he even knew what he was doing, his mouth was on hers. Her body went rigid in his arms, frozen to his hands that wandered over her. When his tongue slid over hers, she finally melted against him, her mouth immediately coming to life. It was surreal to feel her against him again like this, but familiar too. She still felt and tasted the same as she always had, maybe with a hint of vodka lingering on her breath.

In an instant, though, she ripped her body from his grasp, leaving him cold and alone. She turned from him and he could see her shaking her head back and forth. "Oh God," she breathed quietly, barely loud enough to reach his own ears. He watched her for several moments, paralyzed to his spot on the floor, unable to reach out and touch her. The tension was thick in the room, choking him, but he did nothing to relieve it, he didn't even know how.

Slowly, she turned to face him again, piercing him with her pained gaze. They stared at each other for several moments, neither of them moving or speaking. There was an ocean between them that felt deep and cold, but as he watched her lift her shoulders in some silent form of acceptance and sadness, the ocean only seemed like a small stream now. Something snapped inside of him as he stared at her still form that radiated such a heavy sense of desolation that it hurt. Reflexively, he grabbed her arm and pulled her body back toward his, capturing her mouth once again.

Everything disappeared from around him as he held her to him and felt her mouth move so perfectly with his. There was no apprehension or hesitating this time as she kissed him back, coming alive against him. Her hips pressed firmly into him, immediately awakening a burning desire inside of him that he'd tried so desperately to silence. He'd been attracted to her from the moment he met her and no amount of anger or pain would ever erase that. She was gorgeous and knew how to use her body to its maximum abilities. She turned him on and he didn't think it would change.

Mindlessly their feet carried them to the bedroom, their bodies never losing any contact. It didn't matter that he'd only ever been in the apartment once, and that they collided with various items on their way, nothing could distract them from what was happening in this moment. There were no coherent thoughts in his head as her hair tumbled down her back, somehow falling loose from the tie that had held it up, possibly with some encouragement from his own fingers that were tangled in the long locks.

A soft moan escaped her mouth and seeped into his, giving the only last indication he needed to not stop. Her hands pushed and pulled at his shirt, trying to push it up his torso before she tore her mouth from his. The loss was immediately overwhelming, leaving him desperate to pull her back to him, but once she started attempting to get his shirt over his head, even with his arms down at his side, his mind shifted gears. Faster than he could think, he had his shirt off and on the floor, and his hands were on her body again. If he was losing the shirt, it was only fair for her to return the favor.

Her arms easily rose above her head, giving him the assistance he needed to rid her of the unneeded material that hid her skin from him, and moments later, her bra soon followed, leaving her breasts bare before him. She allowed him no more than a few moments before her fingers found their way to his jeans, fumbling with the button and zipper with desperation and need. Unable to wait for her to complete her task, his lips moved to her neck, burning a trail over her hot skin, distracting her from what she was doing. Her fingers left his jeans and buried themselvs in the depth of his dark hair.

His own fingers trailed down her stomach, feeling her muscles clench beneath his touch, as he sought out the top of her pants. With little effort, he removed her of them, pushing them down her legs and out of his way. He easily grabbed hold of her hips and lifted her then, holding her by the back of her smooth thighs, bringing her body to press against his. Goosebumps cropped up on her legs when he set her down on the cold dresser.

She gasped in surprise when he pulled her toward him, sliding her across the dresser until he was nestled between her thighs. His fingers curled beneath the band of her panties and he pulled them down. Her hands held firmly to the dresser as she supported her own weight long enough for him to pull the panties down her legs. When he was done, his mouth was on hers again, his hands roaming her body, fingers sliding over every inch of skin that he could touch.

Their tongues and lips moved in a desperate frenzy, as if afraid they might disappear if they stopped for even a moment. There was something desperate and pleading beneath the touches, but at the same time, they'd never been so soft and gentle. It felt like they wanted to burn every touch and feeling into their memories. He could comprehend nothing outside of this moment, no idea of what the future might hold, but right now, tonight, he needed her. He needed everything about her to stay with him in this moment, because he didn't know if it could ever happen again.

He lifted her then, and she felt completely weightless in his arms. It only took a few short steps before his legs hit her bed and he was lowering her to the soft mattress. Their eyes finally met for the first time since before he kissed her and she smiled at him, a lopsided, dazed smile. She sucked in a cool rush of air when he entered her, her eyes widening while her muscles clenched around his length before relaxing. Her warm depth welcomed him; pulling him in as far as he could go. Something swirled within him and she suddenly everything felt so real and familiar. He'd memorized every inch of this body once, and the knowledge was still there, ready for him to remember it all.

His senses were on fire as he remained frozen inside of her, her brown eyes staring up at him in unveiled honesty and desire. Her hair was fanned out like a blanket around her head and unable to resist the temptation, he reached out to run his fingers through the soft locks once more, her eyes staying trained on him as he slid the silky tresses through his fingers. It was only when she whimpered softly that the desperation and desire exploded within him, filling every fiber of his being. His eyes locked on hers again when he began to move within her. Consumed, her eyes fell shut for several moments and she clung to him, holding him as close as physically possible. They were damp with sweat now, skin sticking together with each move they made. Everything was slow and teasing as he watched her climb closer and closer to the brink that she so desperately craved.

He could no longer resist the delicate skin of her neck again, lowering his lips to the base of the skin. When his tongue swirled over the wet skin, a cry of pleasure fell from her parted lips, head rolling to the side as she gasped for breath. Her hips arched up to meet him in his next thrust and her fingers dug into the ripples of muscle in his back. Her nails dragged a pathway down his back and retraced their steps up to his shoulders again.

His pace quickened as the momentum built inside of him, growing and evolving until it wouldn't be able to contain itself anymore. He could feel himself getting closer, and he knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer. His forehead pressed softly against hers, his eyes locked on her brown orbs, refusing to waver. Her shaking fingers took hold of his face, holding it softly within her grasp. The tips of her fingers traced every line, feeling the contours as if she were burning them to her memory.

Her eyes darkened and he could see her hovering on the edge, moments away from falling into the depth of the unknown. His lips hovered barely an inch above her own as he looked down at her, drowning himself in her eyes. Tears flooded her own and she began to shake beneath him. "I love you." Her whispered voice broke through the sound of their strained breathing, uneven and frazzled. In this room, locked away from the rest of the world where there was betrayal and heartbreak, and memories clouded by lies, she voiced the truth, shattering every illusion built over the past two years, and he came undone, tumbling over his own edge. She soon followed him, a breathless moan falling from her lips while she rode out her own wave of ecstasy.

Now that it was over, and she lay beneath him, struggling to catch her breath, he didn't know what to do. There were no words that could suffice in this moment. All he could do was roll away from her and move beneath the sheets on her bed. She watched him silently as she joined him under the covers, her brown eyes searching his for any clue as to what was going on in his head. He knew there would be no answer for her to find. How could his eyes give away his thoughts when his own brain didn't even know what they were? Nothing about this night had been planned, from waiting for her in Ric's bathroom to what had just transpired between them in this bed. There had been no thought process behind any of it, just an overwhelming need to see her and talk to her. Now, he had nothing.

His brain had little time to digest any of it, though, because the next thing he knew, sunlight was streaming over his face. With a small start, he opened his eyes, the events of last night all coming back to him in alarming clarity. He remembered every moment clearly, how she'd felt against him, the taste of her mouth, the sounds that had fallen from her swollen lips, and the three words she'd spoken to him in the midst of it all. He remembered everything.

It was when he felt a warm breath of air, that he looked down to realize Elena was curled against his body, her head resting on his chest in lieu of a pillow, and he was the one that was holding her there. His arm was wrapped tightly around hers, pulling her into him. It was a sight he'd seen dozens of times, but it had been absent for the past two years. After she left, every morning that he woke up without her was like a new form of torture that made him feel like his heart had literally been ripped from his chest. He had missed her so much that it hurt, and even through all of the pain, he would have given anything to wake up with her in his arms. Now, long after he'd stopped bargaining with some unknown higher being, she was here in his arms. There was no feeling of elation or contentedness, though. He was just lost.

Staring at her as she slept, vulnerable and oblivious to the world around her, she looked the same as she had then. There was no heaviness to her shoulders from the burden of pain that she carried. Her eyes were not dark and distant with sadness. Her lips did not turn down in regret. She looked exactly like the Elena he'd fallen in love with before the tragedy of a miscarriage had warped her forever. That wasn't who she was anymore, though. That Elena was gone forever. When she woke up, the Elena that had come out of the miscarriage would appear, a different Elena, the one who broke his heart.

That thought, and the flashing memories in his head of every time he'd woken up with her in his arms like this, had him slowly sliding out of bed, being careful to not wake her. He had to get out of here. Seeing her like this in the light of day, the memory of last night hanging over him, made his chest clench in fear. It all felt too familiar, having her in his arms, the memory of a night of shared passion fresh in his memory. He'd lived it more times than he could remember, but everything was different now. She'd left. One morning she was next to him when he woke up, and the next, she was gone. Elena was not the woman that woke up next to him anymore, that was Andie, his girlfriend.

Andie.

God, he had a girlfriend that was not the woman he was waking up next to. He had a girlfriend that was probably confused about where her boyfriend was, probably never bothering to think that he'd be with another woman. He had a girlfriend that trusted him and loved him. He had Andie, and he'd slept with Elena.

Shit!

His brain, that had been utterly unable to form any coherent thought about anything last night, was now running rampant with a million thoughts that he couldn't catch up with. All he could do was try to not make his head explode and get out of Elena's bed before she woke up. If she woke up while he was still here, they'd have to talk, and he didn't know what to say. Despite the multitude of thoughts running through his head, there was no way to put anything into words – no words that could fit this situation. He didn't even know how last night had happened. How would he be able to talk about it with her? What would she even think about any of it? What would she think it meant?

So, he fled from her apartment, calling himself a coward and every other name in the book. It was a dick move to run out on her before she'd even woken up, but he was going to suffocate in there if he stayed for one more minute. He couldn't breathe in that bed. There had been a pull inside of him, like a tugging undercurrent beneath raging waves, telling him to stay with her and fall into the moment, accept it for what it was, but he couldn't. He'd been sucked into that undercurrent before and barely survived. He'd had his heart ripped to shreds because he fell into the moment with her. What would happen if he fell into it again? What would he do about Andie?

Even though he hadn't been able to spend time with Andie lately, he still wanted to be with her. She pulled him out of that darkness once before, and had been there for him when he needed her. Even though he'd been anything but the perfect boyfriend to her when they were in college, she'd never stopped loving him. Through all of his heartbreak and disappointments, she still loved him. She still wanted to be with him. She loved him and this was how he repaid her, by sleeping with another woman – _the _other woman. Elena was her insecurity, the fear in her heart that he'd go back to her, but she trusted him. She trusted him to not do to her what he'd done all those years ago.

He had two choices, as he saw it. He could go to her, explain everything, and lose her forever. She wasn't twenty-one anymore and scared of the world. She would leave him, and not only would he lose his girlfriend, but he'd also lose one of his oldest friends. There would be no ability to casually talk with her anymore or joke around. The friendship would be gone for good. So, he could tell her and lose all of that, or he could say nothing. He could act like it never happened, bury it somewhere deep within the confines of his mind, and continue on as they had been.

Or maybe there was a third option. Maybe there was an option that would allow him to keep her, tell her nothing, and make sure that he wouldn't lose her. It would be a risky option, one that could blow up in his face, or it could be the best one. It could provide him with everything he needed. He'd have her forever, content in the knowledge that she'd be by his side, loving him and never hurting him. If he went down that road, he'd be cutting off any chance of ever being with Elena again. There would be no going back if he did this, but he didn't think he wanted to go back. He didn't think he could. Last night had happened, he couldn't change that, but he could control where this all went.

Andie was who he was with now. Elena was his past, but Andie was his future. She was everything he wanted. It wasn't like when they were in college. It was mature and simple with them now. She didn't make him fill with blinding rage that consumed him to the point he thought he would go crazy. She didn't make him feel like he needed to dive into a bottle of alcohol to make sense of things. She just made sense. They fit. Where Elena hadn't known who she was and what she wanted, Andie did. She had her career that she'd always wanted, and she was happy. She was not searching for some sense of purpose. She'd found hers, and he didn't need to help her fill that void. He did not have to wait for her to grow up at all. That was why he knew what he had to do. Every thought in his head fell away as he felt a calm fall over him, leaving him with one simple thought and task.

There was no hesitation in his step as he walked into the store that had barely been open for thirty minutes. There was no doubt in his mind as he found the person he needed and pointed to what he'd come for. "I want that." His voice was so confident and assured that he wasn't even asked if he was sure about his purchase.

Minutes later, as he rode up in the elevator, there were no second thoughts that were seeping into his brain. There was only the knowledge that he was right and doing what he needed to do. So, he didn't think twice when he knocked on her door. There was no force behind his smile that spread across his face when she opened the door, shocked to see him in her hallway. "Damon, what are you doing? Also, where have you been?"

He didn't give her an answer as he walked into her apartment. "I've been doing some thinking about us."

"Okay," she said slowly, nervously closing her front door and locking it. "What have these thoughts been?"

He turned to look at her, the smile still on his face. "You love me, right?"

"You know I do."

"And I love you."

"Well, I'd hope so," she chuckled softly, the nervousness evident in her voice.

"And you want to be with me?"

"I thought I'd made that pretty clear."

"Okay, then I have something to ask you."

"Yes?"

As he looked at her expectant face, he knew he could still back out. He could come up with a stupid question, and forget about this whole idea of his. He could act like everything was still the same. This was his last chance, but he didn't take it. He knew there was no going back from this, but he didn't want a way back. He just wanted a way forward, and he wanted it with her.

So, without any explanation or a preamble of any sort, he dropped to one knee and pulled the small velvet box out of his pocket, opening it for her to see the ring inside. As she stared down at him, her mouth gaping, and her eyes wide, he asked, "Marry me?"


	33. No Light, No Light

**Chapter 32**

**No light, no light  
>In your bright blue eyes<br>I never knew daylight could be so violent  
>A revelation in the light of day<br>You can't choose what stays and what fades away**

Elena laughed as she watched Bonnie place her bag in the overhead compartment above their row, amused by what she'd just seen her best friend do. Even though Bonnie had managed to get herself a seat on the flight, she hadn't been able to get one next to Elena, so now that they were on the plane, she spent ten minutes convincing the man next to Elena to move to Bonnie's seat. For a moment it had been touch and go, but the tiny woman had finally convinced the man to switch seats, leaving the two friends the next two and a half hours to talk as much as they wanted. Judging by the look on Bonnie's face, she predicted that there would be a lot of talking.

"Did you tell Caroline what you were doing?" Elena asked after Bonnie had gotten comfortable in her seat.

"Not yet." Bonnie shook her head. "We have to tell her something though. If we don't, she'll probably just do what I did."

"I know," Elena admitted. "I just, I can't talk to her, Bonnie. It's not like I'm mad at her, but I can't do it. I can't."

"You don't want to hear about Damon." When the tears flooded her eyes, Elena looked away, glancing out the window of the plane. "What happened today?"

She watched, frozen, as workers ran around outside, loading bags onto the plane next to theirs. She knew she had to tell Bonnie what had happened today, but she didn't know where to start. She didn't want to. However, when she felt her friend's sympathetic hand on her shoulder, she knew that she couldn't keep it inside. With shaky breath, she whispered, "He said he was sorry." Her shoulders shook while silent tears trailed down her face. "I told him I loved him and he said he was sorry."

"I'd apologize, but I feel like those are probably not the best words to say right now."

"I don't get it, Bonnie," Elena cried softly. "I know it was wrong of me. I know I had no right to show up on his wedding day and ask him not to marry her, but I love him. God, I love him so much, and I just thought –" her voice trailed off into more cries.

"I know," Bonnie whispered, squeezing her shoulder tightly. "You didn't do anything wrong though. You love him and you owed it to yourself to tell him that."

"Not on his wedding day!" she exclaimed in a raised whisper, turning her head to look at Bonnie. "Especially not after I spent months trying to avoid him."

"He broke your heart. It was only natural to want some distance from him," Bonnie assured her. "And it was only natural for you to cling to that distance even more with each time he showed up at your apartment or cornered you at Caroline's. He hasn't exactly sent the clearest signals these past few months."

"Well, he sent a pretty clear one today," she choked out. It was true, Damon had sent her a multitude of signals in the past six months, the most confusing of all being his proposal to Andie after sleeping with her the night before. The message he'd sent today was as clear as clear could be. He was going to marry Andie, and she was going to leave town much in the same way she had six months ago, broken hearted and feeling like she'd lost him all over again.

* * *

><p>Elena woke up, groggy and disoriented. With concerted effort, she forced her eyes open to her bright room. It took a few moments for them to adjust, but soon she was yawning and sitting up. She rubbed at her eyes, blinking the sleep out of them, and turned to look at the other side of her bed. What she found was a sight she had found every morning for the past two years – nothing. There was no one there, but she hadn't been alone when she went to sleep.<p>

She swallowed thickly, trying to push down the fear she felt creeping up her spine. Maybe it was a delusional belief, but the sight didn't mean that he was gone. He could be in the bathroom or in the living room. Just because her bed was empty, it didn't mean that Damon wasn't there. Surely he wouldn't run out on her before she even woke up.

Fuck, whom was she kidding? Of course he would.

That knowledge, however, didn't stop her from nervously calling out, "Damon?" She was met with nothing but silence in return. She still crawled from bed though, and pulled her robe on over her naked body. The fear was stronger now, crawling into the back of her throat as she did a quick search through her apartment, finding nothing different than she found every other morning.

He was gone.

Cold and scared, she wrapped her arms around her midriff, holding herself tightly, as if it would somehow replace the feel of his arms not being around her. It had felt right last night, like she was finally home for the first time in years. Now that the bright light of day shined harshly on her, she didn't know if it felt so right anymore. What did a girl do when she woke up alone after spending a night with her ex-boyfriend that was in a relationship with another woman? Should she call him? Should she go to him? Should she wait? What should she do?

God, what was she supposed to do?

Her plan today had been to go to have breakfast with Caroline, but she didn't think she could mentally handle that right now. She couldn't tell Caroline about what happened with Damon, at least not yet. She couldn't tell anyone until she'd talked to Damon. She wouldn't know what to say, or what any of it meant. She just needed to talk to him. She needed to see him and hear his voice. She needed him to tell her that last night hadn't been a mistake. Until she had that, she wouldn't know what to make of any of this.

Her bottom lip trembled as she bent down and dug her phone out of her purse that she'd tossed aside last night when she'd been angry with him. There were no missed calls from him though, only calls from Caroline, who she was supposed to have breakfast with. That was why she was supposed to be up early this morning, to eat with Caroline and go shopping with her. Even after months of buying out half the baby stores in Manhattan, and a baby shower that supplied her with the contents of the other half, she was still buying things for the impending arrival of her son. Bonnie had taken one for the team and gone last weekend, so now it was her turn.

Only she didn't want to go shopping today. The only person she wanted to see was the person who'd abandoned her in bed. The thought was like a cold bucket of water being poured over her head, leaving her shivering and clinging to her body, looking for a warmth that it no longer had. The only thing her body had to offer her was a desperate need to be in the presence of the man she loved, who had sworn to her that they were over only to sleep with her less than three months later.

She didn't know what any of it meant. SO much had happened since she got back from Chicago. At first, he'd sworn to make her pay and suffer as much as he had. Then something changed in him and he started to talk to her like he used to. It was like they were starting all over from the very beginning, trying to remember what once made them great. Unlike before, though, he didn't pursue her, he told her to move on. When she tried to do just that, everything changed, and she started to feel like things were reverting back to how they were when she got back.

He was angry at her one moment and holding her hand the next, telling her Colin wasn't good for her. Next thing she knew, he was waiting for her in a dark bathroom to attack her for doing the exact thing he'd pushed her to do. She was confused and didn't understand what was going on until she realized he was jealous. She realized he was jealous that night and when she told him, that was when everything spiraled. His hands were on her and she could feel his breath on her lips as he laid out just how much he didn't want to be jealous, but he was. When he kissed her, her world stopped moving. She tried to stop it, be the better person, because she knew that he was with Andie, but when he'd looked at her like he used to so long ago, she couldn't resist. For the first time in years, she had the Damon she'd fallen in love with right in front of her, begging for her.

She gave in. How could she not when he had such an intense and steely grip on her heart? For two years she'd been unable to touch him, breathe him in, and feel his body moving against hers, so when he gave her the opportunity to have that again, there was no other option for her to take. It had been like coming home, and she finally felt like she'd found the reason for everything that had happened between them. Maybe they were supposed to fall apart like that so they could come together, stronger than they had been. The pain could allow them to appreciate how much they loved each other.

Now she didn't know. It was easy to tell herself that things were going to be how they should be and how she'd always wanted them to be, when she was falling asleep in his arms. Standing alone in her apartment that he'd forced his way into only hours before, it wasn't so easy to believe anymore.

She was scared.

So she spent her day cleaning. She washed her sheets, did her other laundry, washed the dishes, and cleaned her bathroom, bedroom, living room, and kitchen. She got rid of things she didn't need anymore. It was like a Spring Cleaning marathon, but it was really an incessant need to pass the time, constantly checking her phone to see if she'd somehow missed a call from him. The hours passed, her apartment was cleaner than she suspected it had been in years, and he never called.

The only call she received was from Caroline, probably ready to ream her a new one for missing breakfast, and now ready to murder her for ignoring her calls. So when there was a knock on her front door, she knew it was Caroline and not Damon. She knew she wouldn't hear from him today, but she still hoped that when she opened that door, he'd be there on the other side, a smile on his face.

He wasn't.

She was met by the friend she knew it would be, but she wore a different face than Elena had anticipated. She didn't look angry or indignant. Her brows were not furrowed in aggravation, and her foot was not tapping incessantly in annoyance. Instead, her eyes were wide and fearful. She could see her throat clenched tightly, and could hear her shallow breaths. She watched her mouth move for several moments before she ever managed to force any choked words from her mouth.

"Damon's engaged."

Everything became a blur after that. Caroline came into her apartment, hugging her and apologizing, saying she didn't know why it had happened or how, just that he showed up in their living room after lunch, announcing it. She tried to talk to Elena, find out what she was thinking, but she found she had no idea what she was thinking.

Last night Damon had slept with her. Tonight, he was engaged to Andie.

Her brain was psychologically incapable of forming any thought or feeling on the news. It didn't sound real. It didn't make sense.

"I need to be alone." That was what she told Caroline after hours of listening to the incessant chatter that she could not reciprocate. She had no words to express anything other than her need to be alone.

"Elena," Caroline whispered, squeezing her limp hands that she'd been holding for hours now. "Talk to me, please."

"He's engaged," she stated robotically, no emotion behind her voice. "We haven't been together for years. He told me to move on. It's fine."

"It's not fine and you know it," Caroline said, leaning down to look up into Elena's eyes that were focused on the couch. "You can be upset. It's okay."

"You're right, Caroline. It is okay. It's okay that he's engaged."

It wasn't okay. She might not be able to form many thoughts, but she could form that much. It was anything but okay that he was engaged, but she couldn't say that. If she told Caroline why it wasn't okay, she'd have to tell Caroline about last night and she couldn't do that. If she told Caroline, she'd tell Stefan, and he'd confront Damon. In a matter of hours, everyone would know, and they'd all know without her ever even seeing Damon's face. It would only cause more trouble and pain for people that she wanted to protect from all of this, mainly Caroline. She'd brought her friend too far into this before, and she didn't want to do that again.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Caroline cried. "I know something is going on with you and Damon. I know you were with him in my guest bedroom when we announced it was a boy. I saw you holding hands on Halloween. I saw you in the bathroom last night. I'm not stupid. I know that something has been happening."

Elena stood from the couch, needing to put distance between herself and Caroline, afraid that she would see the truth if she was too close. "We're just friends. Nothing is going on."

"I distinctly remember what happened the last time the two of you were just friends. Newsflash, you were trading a lot more than friendship bracelets."

"Look, Caroline, I get that your life is perfect now, so you like to live vicariously through this single girl drama that I always manage to find myself in, but there's not any drama here. You told me to move on and set me up with Colin, so I have. Remember who I was making out with last night? Not Damon."

"I also remember you making out with Damon while being with Matt, so that argument doesn't quite work with me, Elena."

"Well, that's the only argument I have. So, if you do not mind, I would really like to be alone right now and not spend my night dissecting my feelings about Damon being engaged to someone who isn't me."

Caroline pushed herself from the couch and came toward her, a desperate look in her eyes. "We don't have to dissect anything," she insisted. "We can watch movies and order takeout, and talk about anything but Damon. You just shouldn't be alone tonight."

"I should!" she shouted, jumping away from Caroline, before she quickly took a deep breath and lowered her voice. "I know you're trying to help," she whispered, finally feeling the tears fill her eyes, "But how you can help me right now is just leaving me alone for the night. I can't process any of this with you here. I need a night by myself to figure out how I feel about all of this, and then we can talk. Just please leave, Caroline. Please."

Caroline tearfully shook her head. "Okay, I'll go, but I'll have my phone on all night. Promise me you'll call if you need me to come here. I don't care what time it is. Just promise that you'll call me."

"I promise," she swore, even though she knew she would not do that. She wouldn't be calling Caroline or anyone else tonight. What she was going to do was go down to the bar and have a few drinks. Mark would be the only one who would not push her tonight, and alcohol would be the only thing to dull the excruciating pain building inside of her and quiet the thoughts that were trying to form in her head.

So with the promise to call Caroline, she got her best friend out the door, and she was out her door less than twenty minutes later.

She knew it was the wrong reaction, the immature one, but she did it anyway. She went to the bar, full of desire to forget everything about last night and today. She didn't care how many shots or cocktails that it would take. She wanted her brain swiped clean, because the thoughts in her head right now, they hurt. After the miscarriage, she never thought she'd reach a level of pain anywhere close to that ever again, but she could feel herself falling into that pit, and she was desperate to hang onto the edge for as long as she could. She knew she would fall, but she didn't have to fall tonight.

The moment Mark saw her face walking toward the bar he was holding his arm out, motioning for her to go to the back. Though she didn't come here to talk to him, she knew he wouldn't serve her if she didn't tell him what was wrong. Although, once she told him, he might not serve her. She just couldn't win tonight. Hell, she couldn't win ever.

Mark ushered her into the back office and shut the door behind them. "What's wrong?" he asked, jumping right in.

"I slept with Damon." The words fell from her lips before she could stop them, and she reeled back in shock. There had been no plan to voice those words any time in the near future, but she just did. Mark was the one person in her life removed from all of the drama with Damon and everything that came with him. He didn't have the irrational dislike for him like Bonnie did. He wasn't related to him like Caroline was. He wasn't his brother like Stefan was. He wasn't his best friend like Alaric was. He was just Mark, and she trusted him.

Mark stared at her for several moments, like her words were not translating in his head to anything he could understand. Then, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened so much it would almost be comical, except it wasn't. "You what?"

"I know." She tried to blink away the tears that filled her eyes. "But that's not all. He's engaged!" A broad smile spread across her face, but there was no amount of faking that could hide the pain radiating beneath the surface. "He left my bed and went home to propose to his girlfriend. Yay!"

"Oh no," he sighed, his face falling in concern for her. "Elena, I'm so –"

"Don't," she cut him off, holding her hand up in front of his face. "Do not tell me you're sorry. I need you to pour me a shot of tequila and then give me the bottle. Right now I really need a drink and for everyone to stop apologizing and trying to talk to me. I just," she choked on a sob in the back of her throat, "Just please don't make me talk about him, Mark."

Slowly, Mark nodded, willing to grant her the wish. "I think I can do that." She did her best to offer him a grateful smile, but she knew she didn't succeed when he pulled her into his arms. "I know," he whispered, comfortingly rubbing his hands down her back. "I know."

"Mark," she cried into his chest, unable to hold it in, "Oh, God."

"I know," he repeated, having no other words to offer her. There were no words that could make her better right now. All he could do was hold her as she cried in his arms.

She allowed herself to break down for a few minutes, taking solace in the comfort he offered her, but before she could truly fall, she abruptly pulled back. "I'm sorry," she apologized, wiping at her face as she reined her emotions in and stopped crying. She couldn't do that. Tonight was not about that.

"It's fine," Mark assured her and then moved aside as he opened the door for her. "Let's get you that tequila."

She gave him a grateful smile and squeezed his arm as she passed him, thankful that he wasn't pushing her and was simply allowing her to go after the one thing she really wanted and needed tonight. They never saw each other much outside of work when she did bartend here, but he'd always understood her. They'd always been close in their own way, and it hadn't changed in her time away. He was always going to be the guy that hired her when she had no idea how to be a bartender. He was always going to be Mark, and she was thankful for that.

He supplied her with the bottle of tequila that she asked for, and his eyes held no ounce of judgment for her as she buried herself in that bottle. He didn't tell her to stop when she drank more than she should have. She could feel his eyes on her, making sure she didn't leave with anyone she didn't know, but he let her be. He let her be as she found her herself in the middle of a group of rowdy fraternity boys, and proceeded to lose herself in the attention they gave her, attention that Damon would never give her again.

She giggled as the cute guy helped her onto the bar, holding her arm as she laid herself down on the wood. She barely touched the bar when she was sober, but she didn't care about the germs she'd pick up tonight. No, she would willingly lay herself all over this bar, no care to what she might catch. That was the beauty of tonight; she didn't care. For once, she just didn't give a damn.

She smiled up at _Jamie_, as he'd called himself, winking seductively as she pushed her shirt up her torso to reveal her bare stomach. "I'm ready," she nearly moaned.

Giddy with anticipation, the boy placed the lime in her mouth and licked his arm before shaking the salt out on his skin. His friends all cheered him on as he licked the salt from her body while a stranger poured a shot of tequila on Elena's abdomen. She could feel the liquor trailing down her stomach, but Jamie's mouth was soon on her skin, licking a pathway up her torso, lapping up all of the alcohol from her, and then bit the lime from her lips, being sure to take his time, and get as much of a taste of her as he could before he pulled himself away.

Fists raised proudly in the air, he cheered loudly, and Elena could only laugh. She hadn't done anything like this since college, and back then it had only been Matt. She never really did the single college girl thing, but she could make up for that tonight. Damon didn't give a damn about her. Who cared if she acted like a whore tonight or did something that might tarnish his image of her? He was lost to her forever, and she was done deluding herself into thinking that anything could ever change.

As if her thoughts had magically transported him to the bar, she looked up in time to see him gruffly shove the boys hovering around her out of the way. "Come on, let's go." He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her from the bar, but with surprising force, she ripped it away from him. "Elena," he warned.

"No!" she said, louder than necessary. She knew her vision was hazy from the alcohol and she wobbled slightly, but she refused to let him grab her. She wasn't doing anything he said. With more coordination than she might normally need, she pushed herself to her feet as a familiar beat wafted through the room. She hadn't heard this song in years. It was like a sign! "I love this song!"

The crowd only cheered her on as her hips swayed to the beat. She smiled and closed her eyes, oblivious to her surroundings. Her arms lifted above her head and she danced down the bar, a dazed smile on her face. In the midst of her dancing, she could hear Mark shouting at Damon a few feet away. "You're not welcome here anymore, Damon. Get out!"

"You're really going to play that card with me right now? She's wasted, Mark. God knows what she'll do if someone doesn't get her off that bar."

"That's not your concern. I'm handling the situation. Now leave before I get security."

"Don't bother, Mark!" she called down to him, shimmying over to the arguing men. "Damon won't listen to what you say. He doesn't care. He'll make you think that he does, and make you believe that your feelings matter, that you matter, but it's all a lie. Every word out of his mouth is a lie."

"Elena," Damon shouted up at her, "Get down!"

She turned her head down to look at him. "No!" she refused, a taunting smile on her face.

"Elena, get off the bar!" he demanded, reaching out for her once again, but she slid out of his reach.

"Nope, having too much fun!" she sang, turning to give a seductive shake of her behind to the watchful crowd.

"Why the hell didn't you cut her off? She's going to fall and break her neck up there."

She could practically hear Mark rolling his eyes. "I already told you, Damon. It's none of your business! Besides, have you ever tried to take alcohol away from Elena when she's drunk?"

"I can't believe you'd rather try and throw me out rather than to help your friend."

"You're the reason she's up on that bar!" Mark yelled at Damon, but Elena didn't care enough to try and stop the argument. She didn't care what anyone said to Damon anymore. He wasn't her concern. "That's it! I'm getting security!"

She turned her head to see Mark pushing his way through the crowd. She laughed at Damon as he stalked toward her. "Someone's in trouble!"

"Whatever." Damon rolled his eyes and held his arm out to her. "Elena, get off the bar."

"Shut up, Damon!" she yelled at him. "You don't get to tell me what to do. Besides, shouldn't you be at home with your fiancé?"

"Get off the damn bar," he demanded, anger seeping into his voice. "Now!"

She stopped dancing atop the bar and turned challenging eyes down on him. "Make me."

He laughed at the challenge. "You asked for it." Before she could skirt away from him again he wrapped his arms around her legs and had her thrown over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" she shrieked, furiously banging her fists on his chest. "Let go of me!"

"Not going to happen! So, sit tight and enjoy the ride!"

He almost had her out the door of the bar, before he came to a sudden halt, and she felt hands grabbing at her waist. "Come on, Elena," she heard Mark's voice, "You're not going anywhere." After putting up a fight for a few moments, Mark finally pulled her from Damon's shoulder and lowered her to the floor, before placing his body in front of hers. He motioned to Derek, one of the bouncers that doubled as security. "Get him out of here, Derek. Don't ever let him in again."

"Seriously?" Damon yelled as Derek began to push him from the bar. "Elena!" he yelled for her, his eyes begging her to stop Derek, but she only stayed silent behind Mark. "You're really going to have me banned, Mark? After three years?"

"Yeah, I am. Don't bother coming back. You're not welcome."

"You can't avoid me forever, Elena!" Damon yelled at her before the door slammed in his face.

It might make her a coward to avoid Damon and let Mark ban him from the bar, but she couldn't talk to him right now. She was drunk and she had no idea what she'd say if he managed to get her alone in her apartment. Hell, she might even sleep with him again, and then find out that he ran off and eloped when she woke up. So, if a coward was what she was tonight, she'd let herself be a coward.

"Thank you," she said to Mark.

"Don't thank me yet, I called Bonnie twenty minutes ago. She should be coming through that door any minute." Sure enough, Bonnie came running into the bar a moment later, her face devoid of makeup and dressed in sweats.

"Elena!" she cried, coming forward, a worried look on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Ugh! I can't believe he called you," she groaned, and then turned her face up to Mark. "Traitor."

"Yeah, yeah, you can yell at me tomorrow." He grabbed Elena's shoulders and nudged her toward Bonnie. "Put a trashcan next to her, she's gonna need it."

"Thank you, Mark." Bonnie looped her arm through Elena's and pulled her toward the exit. Once they were outside, Bonnie turned to her, a sympathetic look on her face. "Caroline told me."

"Don't!" she snapped, ripping her arm from Bonnie's and stumbling for a few steps until Bonnie reached out and steadied her. "Don't say his name. Don't mention it. If you want to be a good friend to me tonight, don't talk about him."

"Okay," she whispered. "I can do that. Let's just get you home." Bonnie silently led Elena back to her apartment and used the spare key Elena had given her to let them in. She guided her stumbling form to her bed and gently eased her down onto the mattress. "Stay here and get comfortable, I'm going to get a trashcan."

Elena stripped off her jeans and climbed under the covers in her bed while Bonnie disappeared into the bathroom for a few moments. The room felt like it was spinning and she was excruciatingly dizzy, but she couldn't close her eyes. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face above her as they'd made love.

God, how could she even think of it like that? You can't call it making love when the guy proposes to his girlfriend the next day.

How could he do this to her?

She felt the brutal pain building inside of her once again, tearing her apart with each passing inch, but she didn't scream or cry. She clenched her teeth and held it in, desperate to shut it out. Her entire body shook with the overwhelming effort it took to breathe in each breath of oxygen, and her blurry vision grew that much worse as her eyes filled with tears.

She jolted slightly when Bonnie's warm hand slid into her trembling one. She turned her head on the pillow, looking to see Bonnie in the same place that Damon had been the night before. "Bonnie," she whispered.

"I know," she whispered back, equally as quiet, a painful level of empathy reflecting in her green eyes. "I know."

She held her hand until she slipped into a drunken slumber filled with vivid memories of her night with Damon. For the next three weeks Bonnie continued to hold her hand, becoming like a shadow to her, and opening her apartment to Elena. If she'd thought Damon showing up at the bar would be the end of his presence hanging over her, she'd been wrong. Two days after the incident in the bar, he'd shown up at her apartment and hadn't left until Bonnie had shown up and run him off while Elena kept herself locked in her bathroom and far away from her front door, and any words that he would say to try and make her open the door.

That was when she started staying with Bonnie, and it was where she stayed until her family got to town. Her Aunt Jenna and Logan stayed in a hotel, but her brother Jeremy stayed on her couch, and Damon must have found out somehow because he never showed up once Jeremy got there, but her luck would run out tonight. It was now Christmas Eve and everyone was going to Caroline and Stefan's for dinner. With Caroline being so close to giving birth, she didn't want to travel to Mystic Falls for Christmas, which mean neither would Elena or Bonnie. So everyone came here, and now they'd all be having dinner together. She would be forced to have dinner with him.

It was a thought she hadn't allowed herself to think of much. She knew there would be no way to prepare herself for the dinner, so she simply didn't try. Truthfully, she wasn't trying to do much of anything these days other than block him from her mind.

Truthfully, she failed.

As she was in the bathroom getting ready, she could hear Bonnie talking with her aunt and brother in the other room. "It's not good," Bonnie said quietly, but in an apartment as small and cheap as Elena's, it wasn't hard for the sound to travel to her ears. "It's like the miscarriage all over again, except, this time, she refuses to even acknowledge that anything is wrong. She won't talk to anyone about him. We can't even mention his name."

"But she's still going to work, right?" Jenna asked hopefully.

"All she _does_ is work. She brings multiple manuscripts to my place every night, and she's still reading when I go to sleep. I don't even know how much she sleeps, Jenna."

"She's right," Jeremy spoke up quietly. "She's awake when I go to sleep and she's awake when I get up. I haven't seen her sleep once in the past three days."

Elena could hear nothing for a few moments, and she was beginning to wonder if the conversation was over when her Aunt Jenna said, "I think Logan and I are going to take her back to Virginia. I should have done it when she lost the baby. I'm not letting what happened last time happen again."

"She's not going to want to go, Aunt Jenna," Jeremy said. "She'll think she's making the same decision as last time. She won't go."

"So I'll tell her she won't be running away," Bonnie insisted. "I think Jenna is right. I think she needs time away from the city – away from Damon."

It hurt Elena to hear what Jenna and Bonnie were saying. She hadn't wanted to get any of them involved in this whole ordeal with Damon. This was her mess that she'd gotten herself into, and she hadn't wanted to pull them into it. Now, not only was Jenna in it, but she also wanted to take her back home? Wouldn't that be doing exactly what she'd done two years ago? Wouldn't that be running away all over again?

Maybe she just needed to convince Jenna that she was fine in New York. She might not feel so great right now, but she couldn't just leave. Caroline was going to have her baby any day, and she couldn't miss that. She couldn't go back home to Mystic Falls. Damon would stop trying to talk to her soon. He couldn't stalk her forever. The situation with Bonnie was only temporary. There was no need for her to go home. She was 25 and an adult that needed to suck it up and deal with her life by herself. She wasn't going to shut everyone out like last time, but she would not drag them into this either.

So, with a smile on her face, she sauntered into the living room and declared, "I'm ready."

Jenna and Bonnie jumped apart, smiles on their faces as well, as if their previous conversation had not just happened. Jeremy was on her couch next to Logan, neither trying to hide the worry on their faces.

"Okay," Bonnie nodded and reached for her purse that was by her feet. "We should probably get there before Caroline calls and starts yelling at us."

Elena only continued to smile as she followed everyone from her apartment. For it being Christmas Eve, no one seemed very excited about what Santa might bring them. The trip to Stefan and Caroline's was tense as they all tried to act like everything was fine, and they weren't expecting her to have a nervous breakdown at the drop of a hat. They certainly weren't mentioning her going back to Mystic Falls. She didn't even know how Jenna planned to bring that one up. It was sure to be an interesting segue.

The tension didn't get much better when they arrived for dinner, but Elena desperately tried to act like it wasn't there. Caroline had been planning this dinner for weeks, and she couldn't let anything ruin it. Sure, it was going to suck to have to spend an evening in the same room as Damon, but she'd do it for Caroline. It was her last Christmas before she would be a parent. In a few short weeks, she'd have her baby, and everything would change. For tonight, Elena would take a few deep breaths and let Caroline have the Christmas Eve dinner she planned. She could do this.

She'd almost said it enough to believe it when Damon came into the living room with Stefan, laughing about whatever they were discussing. The moment he saw her, the laughter died on his lips and he stopped in his tracks. The air grew thick in the room as everyone else froze, watching in varying degrees of fear for what would happen next.

Seeing him felt like a kick to the gut. It was the first time she'd seen him since that night, the first time she'd really seen him since he'd been naked in her bed. Her drunken encounter didn't count, she couldn't see straight. She tried to shove the memories from her mind, but they stayed, haunting her and maybe even taunting her as well. He was just opening his mouth, perhaps to say something, when she forced her gaze away from him. With every ounce of strength she had, she turned her back on him, and jumped right into the conversation she had been having with Bonnie.

"So, where's Owen?" she asked, like absolutely nothing was wrong.

"Elena," Bonnie started, pressing a concerned hand on Elena's arm.

"Where's Owen?" she questioned again, her voice tighter than it had been before. "Out of town? Is he with family?"

Bonnie looked like the last thing she wanted to talk about was Owen, but she complied, probably realizing she was going to get nowhere if Elena didn't want to talk about it right now. Finally, she sighed and nodded her head. "Yeah, he's back in Minnesota with his family. He'll be back before the New Year."

"That's good." Elena smiled brightly, genuinely happy for her friend's happiness. "You two seem like you're getting pretty serious."

Bonnie's brows were furrowed and her face showed obvious signs of discomfort, but she nodded her head, willing to play along with the game Elena was playing. "It's getting there. He's good for me. It's easy."

"Good," Elena nodded stiffly, holding the smile tight on her face. "I know they say you have to put in the effort for a relationship to be worth it, but easy is good. Too much effort only means bad things."

Bonnie stepped closer to Elena and lowered her voice. "Elena, we can go home. You don't have to do this."

"You're wrong," she snapped, coming off harsher than she intended. "I do have to do this. If I go home, he wins."

"And you think you win if you stay?" Bonnie challenged.

"I think that it means he doesn't." Elena wasn't stupid enough to believe she could win anything against Damon. Hell, she up and left him with no warning, moving halfway across the country, and he's still the one that wins the cruelest heartbreak award. Her move had been downright crushing, but she'd never tried to be cruel like Damon had.

"Don't do this to yourself, please," her friend pleaded with her, reaching out to grab Elena's arm lightly. "Do not shut down again."

"Look Bonnie, I appreciate what you've done these past few weeks, but this isn't like last time. I'm not shutting down. I'm just not thinking about it. For three years I've thought Damon was worth it, but he's not, so I'm done caring. So, I'm not shutting down. I'm moving on." A smile spread over her face that she knew would never pass as a real smile, but she still tried. "It is what he told me to do, after all."

"Elena." Her entire body tensed at the sound of Damon's soft voice behind her. She swallowed thickly and turned to face him, but she said nothing, only watched him, waiting for him to say whatever it was he wanted to say. "Can we talk?"

"No, you can't," Bonnie interrupted, stepping up next to Elena. "Just because you're both here for dinner, it doesn't mean you get to talk to her. Go away."

Damon rolled his eyes in a show of annoyance. "You can't be her bodyguard forever," Damon told her.

"I'm not guarding Elena from anything," Bonnie sneered. "I'm simply doing what she wants. If she wanted to talk to you, she would, but she doesn't. Learn to read the room and leave her alone."

Bonnie grabbed Elena's arm and pulled her away from Damon, but he snagged her other arm as she walked by. She was now a human rope in a game of tug-of-war, and neither party was willing to let go. "Elena, please," he whispered, his blue eyes imploring her to give him five minutes. It was all he'd asked of her since he proposed to Andie and her answer had been no every single time.

It was still no.

"Bonnie's not lying, Damon. I don't want to talk to you. You want to have a conversation, go call your fiancé."

Knowing he was defeated for the moment, he dropped her arm and stepped away from her, but before she walked away he said, "We will have to talk."

She didn't know what he'd hoped to accomplish by trying to talk to her just now, but he wasn't going to get it. Her family was here. Caroline's mother was here. His _father_ was here. Even if she wanted to talk to him, they couldn't talk. He left her naked in her bed to go propose to another woman. The conversation that would come as result of that betrayal would not be one that could be had on Christmas Eve over a glass of eggnog. It wasn't a conversation that would come at all.

The moment he left her in that bed, he decided that there would never be anything between them ever again. She'd let herself believe that there was hope for them again. She'd let herself believe him. It wouldn't be a mistake she'd make again.

"Alright, it's time for dinner," Caroline announced, clapping her hands excitedly as she walked toward the dining room.

Elena reluctantly made her way toward the dining room, dread swirling deep in her gut. This was going to be the test. She wouldn't be able to move to the other side of the room and strike up a conversation with someone else to avoid him. She'd be forced to sit at the same table with him for however long this stupid dinner that Caroline had planned would last. She'd have to listen to him talk and laugh and act like everything was fine.

It wasn't fine, but she'd have to act like it was. She was going to have to act like she hadn't slept with him three weeks ago. She was going to have to act like she hadn't spent these last three weeks hiding from him and using her best friend as a shield. She was going to have to pretend like the words she actually told herself were true, that she would be okay and that she didn't really want to talk to him. She said them all the time to herself. She even had fleeting moments of believing them, but they never lasted. She wasn't going to be okay, and she did want to talk to him, more than anything in this world. She wanted to look at him and hear what he so desperately wanted to say to her, but she couldn't.

She just couldn't.

That would mean having to really feel the effects of what he'd done to her. It already felt excruciating, but she knew she hadn't even reached the tip of the iceberg. She'd felt nothing compared to what was really deep down inside of her soul, and she couldn't feel that. She didn't think she'd be able to get out of bed ever again if she felt that.

She wound up between her Aunt Jenna and Bonnie, both swiftly sliding into their seats as they saw Damon making a beeline for her, but their attempts accomplished very little. He managed to claim the one other seat at the table that would be just as uncomfortable for her as if he'd sat next to her. He sat right across from her, his eyes focused on her as he sat down and settled into the chair, an almost smug look on his face at the knowledge that he'd bested the two women that thought they'd accomplished shutting him out.

"Okay, dig in," Stefan told everyone as he sat down at the end of the table. "Caroline made none of this, so it is all edible. I promise."

"He's not lying," Caroline assured the table with a smile. "He and Damon banned me from the kitchen yesterday. It was devastating, _obviously_."

Everyone laughed, including Elena, even if hers was more forced than natural, but she had found it amusing. Caroline had always wanted to be a wife and a mother, but one that could cook had never been something she aspired for. If not for marrying an Italian that knew how to cook, and had a brother that knew his way around a kitchen blindfolded, Caroline would still be living on a diet of Ramen noodles and Kraft macaroni.

"The food looks great, Stefan," Liz smiled, passing a bowl of mashed potatoes to Caroline. "And I think we can all thank you for allowing my daughter to a part of none of it."

Stefan laughed quietly. "I am a man that accepts my wife for the things she can and cannot do. Luckily, I was very aware of the fact that she couldn't make a piece of toast to save her life before I asked her to marry me."

"Well, beggars can't be choosers," Damon joked. "You couldn't hold out for a woman that could cook when you already suckered one into wanting to marry you."

"Speaking of marriage," Giuseppe spoke up, "Where is the lovely Andie tonight?"

Every plate on the table seemed to become more fascinating than the conversation at hand as everyone looked down at the table, refusing to allow their eyes to stray higher than the centerpiece.

"She's in Massachusetts with her family," said Damon quietly, finding no more interest in the conversation than anyone else.

The room now tense, everyone remained silent and focused on their dinners for several minutes. The elephant in the room had been brought up and no one knew where to go after that. And it was all Elena's fault. Andie was the elephant in the room because of her. If she weren't here, no one would think twice about Andie being brought up. She was here, though, which was probably the exact reason Giuseppe had brought Andie up. The man loathed her and probably took great satisfaction out of seeing her squirm in her seat at the mere mention of Damon's fiancé.

A man that seemed to enjoy the discomfort of those he did not like. It sounded like someone she knew. For all of Damon's talk of never wanting to be like his father and feeling so much anger toward him for the kind of father he'd been, he sure had turned out a lot like the man. She hadn't seen it for a long time. Maybe she just didn't want to. The evidence was always right in front of her, but she hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. He had always had a temper that ran deep, and if you found yourself on his bad side, there was no hope of getting off of it. He held grudges and he played dirty. He'd ruined his own brother's engagement party just because he was pissed at Katherine. He ruined something that would make no impact on her just because he could. That was who Damon was. He did what he wanted and when he wanted, to hell with everyone else.

The only person he would ever put everything on the line for would be Stefan. Minus a few small mishaps like the engagement party, that was the only person he truly cared about. Everyone else was a means to an end for him. _She _was a means to an end, and she was an idiot for ever believing otherwise.

"So, Caroline, you two picked out any names for the baby yet?" Jenna spoke up after several minutes of silence around the table.

Stefan and Caroline both shared a knowing look before laughing. "I've picked and she's eliminated," Stefan said.

"You wanted us to name our son Holden, after Holden Caulfield. I'm sorry, but I'm not naming my son after crazy character from a book."

"Does that answer your question, Jenna?" Stefan asked with a smile.

"I think it does."

The rest of the meal passed with amicable conversation with little input from Elena. Damon would occasionally try to draw her into conversation, but someone would always jump in for her before she could even form a plan on how to get herself out of it. She was practically a mute, staring at her food, and offering the rare nod to look like she was paying attention to the conversation. She was so quiet, she didn't even think they noticed when she snuck off while Caroline and Stefan were getting dessert ready for everyone. It had been two excruciating hours so far and she needed a break.

With the irony not lost on her, she disappeared into the guest room and found Damon's hidden bottle of scotch. From the looks of the nearly full bottle, she suspected he'd recently replaced one of his older bottles, and for that she was grateful. For once, the flow of alcohol was to a minimum tonight, being like the cruelest cherry on top that could ever exist. The one time she legitimately needed this group to act like alcoholics, they decided to act like it was Prohibition.

Elena was stretched out on the bed, her eyes closed, and the bottle of scotch hanging loosely from her fingers. She was trying to tell herself that she could do this, that she could survive the rest of this dinner. She knew when she came that it would be hard, but she hadn't realized how agonizing it would truly be to sit across the table from him, close enough to reach out and grab his hand, and be able to do none of it. She had no answers for why he'd done what he did, and she wanted those. She needed them desperately, but she knew that she couldn't ask. That would mean she had to talk to him and she couldn't. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to talk to him again without completely breaking.

She was hanging on by a thread right now, barely able to make it through her day without collapsing in anguish. She'd opened her heart to him that night and allowed herself to believe that they might be possible. She'd told him she loved him and he proposed to Andie. He'd broken her heart.

"Seeing as that's my alcohol, mind if I steal some?"

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice, and she shot up to look at him. She was silent for a few moments, not trusting her voice to speak strongly. His gaze was a heavy weight on her and she had to look away from him. She didn't know how to do this, how to be in the same room with him and talk to him, especially when he was standing there and acting like nothing was wrong.

Everything was wrong.

With a heavy sigh, she said, "Have at it." She held it out to him, a blank look on her face, but she knew her eyes betrayed her true emotions. "Not like my feelings on it would stop you."

When he didn't grab the bottle, it angered her. He'd never bothered to ask her permission before when he wanted to take something from her, whether she wanted to give it or not. She got off the bed and shoved it into his chest, forcing him to take hold of it, or watch it fall to the floor. She pushed her way past him, but he grabbed onto her arm with his free hand, holding her in place. "Are you going to avoid me forever?"

Elena's eyes flashed with fury at his audacity to talk to her like she was the one who had gotten them into this disastrous mess. "Really? You're really going to ask me that?" Catching him by surprise, she ripped her arm away from him and shoved him away from her.

"You can't deny it, you're avoiding me."

The laugh fell from her lips before she could contain it. She was completely dumbfounded by the look of utter and total confusion on his face. "I wonder why. It's not like you didn't send me a very clear message that you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I never said that," he insisted fervently.

"I know you're pretty dense, Damon, so let me fill you in on something. When you leave a girl naked and alone in her bed to go propose to another woman, it sends a very clear and concise message that you have no interest in that person."

"It's not like that, Elena." He quickly turned to set the bottle of alcohol down, then came toward her. He rested his hands on the base of her neck, his fingers grazing softly over her skin. "I shouldn't have left like I did. I should have talked to you, or done something, but I do care."

Elena grabbed Damon's hands and pulled them from her neck. "What you should have done is let me be. You had no right to do what you did. You don't yell at me for kissing a guy, sleep with me, and then go home to propose to your girlfriend."

"It's not like I planned it like that."

"No shit!" she blurted out, dropping Damon's hands like they'd physically burned her. "Anyone with half a brain cell doesn't do what you did."

She was trying to be strong right now. She was trying to be the bigger person and not fight with him, but god was it hard. She wanted to scream and cry and ask him why he'd done this to her. She wanted to hit him and not stop until the pain went away. She wanted to somehow make him pay for what he was putting her through right now. If she did that though, if she allowed herself to cry or truly feel any of it for even a moment, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to stop. She didn't know if the tears would ever stop coming. She didn't even know if she'd survive.

"Just talk to me," he begged her. "Please."

"Don't you get it, Damon?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes at him. He acted like this was all so simple, like they could just pick up from where they were before he went crazy on her about Colin and then used and abused her. "There's nothing to talk about. I don't know what you thought was going to happen, but I think you were pretty off base. Our whole attempt at friendship was obviously a disaster waiting to happen. I won't be making that mistake ever again."

His eyes widened in abject fear. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we're not friends. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. God, I don't want anything to do with you. From now on, you're just my best friend's brother-in-law, nothing more."

"If you could just let me explain."

"You had sex with me and then proposed to Andie. I think that's all the explanation needed."

There was a quiet knock on the bedroom door and then Stefan stepped into the room. He looked from Damon to her, a tense look on his face. "Not to interrupt anything, but it's time for dessert."

"Don't worry, Stefan. There's nothing here for you to interrupt." Elena smiled brightly, well as brightly as she could when she felt like she was slowly collapsing inside. She strode past a confused Stefan and out of the room.

The last thing she wanted to do right now was go back into that dining room and sit at the same table as Damon for however much longer this dinner would take, but this was what she'd signed herself up for. It wasn't Caroline's fault that she'd made the gigantic mistake of letting herself be fooled into thinking that Damon might ever actually be able to forgive her and want her again. Caroline didn't deserve to pay for mistakes she hadn't made. So she'd sit at the table, eat her dessert, fake conversation, and ignore every word out of his mouth.

"Now there's a sight of Elena Gilbert that I'm familiar with." Damon followed her down the hall, calling after her. The need and pain that had been in his voice moments ago was now gone, and he sounded cold and angry as he stalked after her. "Your back as you run away because things aren't how you want them to be."

Elena twisted on her heel, fire burning in her eyes. "Excuse me?" she demanded. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

He stopped in front of her and shrugged his shoulders. "If you think I'm saying you're running away, then yeah, I'm saying that."

Elena scoffed and rolled her eyes. "At least now we know your act of being so forgiving of me was just that, an act. You didn't forgive anything. Our attempt at friendship didn't mean a thing to you."

"You're the one that won't talk to me!"

"We have to talk about _nothing_," she bit out. "The fact that you think we need to shows just how stupid you are."

"What happened to being friends, Elena? What happened to that?"

"You happened!" she yelled at him. "You made sure that we'd never have a chance of being friends ever again the moment you proposed to Andie."

"It shouldn't affect us. I didn't do it to hurt you."

"The only reason you did it was to hurt me!" she shouted. "In your mind, I still hadn't paid enough for going to Chicago, so you made damn sure that you were going to give me the ultimate payback. You reeled me in, convinced me that you were going to put everything in the past. You sent me all these mixed signals, getting me to maybe believe again that there was still something there. And right when you had me where you wanted me, you went for the kill." She laughed tearfully. "Congratulations, you got it."

When she first found out that he'd proposed to Andie, she'd gone over every possible reason in her mind, again and again. She considered every stupid and idiotic possibility for why he would do this to her. In the end, the only one she'd really come to was that he did it to hurt her. Damon was a man that held grudges, and he'd made it clear to her when she came back that he was going to make her pay. Somewhere along the way she'd started believing that he'd said it in anger and didn't truly feel that way, and by the time they slept together she thought he still loved her. Now, she knew it had all been a lie. He lured her into a false sense of comfort so he could break her.

"That's not true," he tried to reason with her. "It wasn't about you, Elena. I promise."

"You don't sleep with me and propose to another woman in less than twelve hours and tell me it had nothing to do with me!" In a fit of rage, her palm collided with his face so quickly he had no chance to block her. The sound echoed through the room as his head snapped to the side from the force of her hit. "It was all about me and you know it!"

Stefan placed himself between Elena and Damon, effectively using his body as a human shield. "I think you both need to take a step back and calm down." He pressed his hands to Damon's chest and gently tried to move him away.

As she looked at Stefan, still trying to protect his brother and get him away from her, something inside of her snapped. Her last hold on any sort of sanity or control she had left was gone. "That's right, Stefan. Protect your brother from the evil Elena, who is only out to destroy his life. You stand there and you judge me for what I've done, when your brother is worse than I could ever be. God, I might have hurt him, but I never did this. I never set out to ruin his life."

"It's not like that, Elena," Stefan said softly.

"Of course it is!" she exploded. "You hate me and you've made that clear from the moment I got back. Everything is my fault in your eyes, nevermind the fact that your brother stalked me for weeks, forced his way into my apartment when all I wanted was for him to leave me alone for the night, and manipulated me into sleeping with him just so he could leave me and propose to Andie."

Elena turned when she felt two pairs of arms come around her. She looked into the sad and pitying faces of her Aunt Jenna and Bonnie, who tried to coaxingly guide her away from Damon and Stefan, and she realized that they were no longer alone. No one was in the dining room, they were all here, watching her, various degrees of shock and anger on their faces. "I think that's enough," her aunt whispered. "Let's get you home."

"No!" she shouted, ripping free from Jenna and Bonnie. She whirled around to face the worried faces focused on her "No! You all said you want me to get through this. Well this is how I get through it. I am not going to sit around and say that everything is okay when it's not okay!" She spun to face Damon again, her chest heaving in anger. "I am not going to act like you did not tell me to move on and then treat me like a whore when I tried. I am not going to act like you did not sleep with me, knowing that I was in love with you, and then leave me asleep in my bed to go propose to Andie! I am not going to tell you that it is okay and that we are okay, because we're not! Nothing is okay!"

"Elena," Damon shoved his brother away from him and walked toward her, an anguished look on his face. "I am so sorry." His eyes were filled with tears when he looked back at her, and seeing the emotion on his face made her hate him all the more. How could he stand there and be in so much pain when he was the one that did this? He'd done this. And she was the one that had to pay for it. "Elena, please."

"Don't look at me like that!" she cried as she slapped him again, and began to hit his chest. "Don't look at me like you're the one in pain. You have no right to look at me like that. This is all your fault. You did this to me!" He never lifted his arms to try and protect himself from the blows that she landed to his chest, only stood there and took them, until she found herself being pulled away from him again. She fought against the arms that she recognized to be her brother's, struggling to break free. "Let me go!" she told him. "Let me go, Jeremy!"

"Elena, you have to go home now," he whispered into her ear. "You need to go."

"God, why did you have to do this to me?" she sobbed. "You broke my heart!"

"Everything's going to be okay," Jeremy assured her, but the words meant nothing. He was wrong. Nothing would ever be okay again.

"Everything is not going to be okay!" she cried, still clawing at her brother's arms to let her free. "He ruined it. He ruined everything."

When Damon came forward again, reaching out to her, Stefan stepped between them, keeping them apart once again. "Damon, stop it."

"No!" Damon shouted. "All of you need to stop! This is about Elena and me. All of you need to leave us alone. This isn't your business."

"You ruined my life!" she yelled through the room, not caring that her brother was trying to drag her away and she'd just revealed everything to everyone in the room. She was spiraling and she couldn't hang on anymore. She didn't care what they heard or what they thought. She didn't care about any of it anymore. "I hate you!"

He flinched at her words. "You don't mean that."

"I do! You did this, Damon! You ruined everything, and I hate you! I wish that I'd never met you! I'm glad that I don't have to be tied to you for the rest of my life, because I hate everything about you!" She collapsed against her brother, tired of fighting him, and ready to leave, and never have to see Damon's face again. "I hate you so much!"

"Come on, sweetie." Her Aunt Jenna retrieved her from a shell-shocked Jeremy, wrapping her arms around Elena's shoulders. "Let's go."

"Aunt Jenna," she sobbed, broken and seeking some sort of comfort in her aunt's arms. All control was lost as her aunt tightly embraced her. She sobbed freely into her shoulder, unable to hold it in any longer. "Why did he do this? Why did he do this to me?"

"I don't know, sweetie. I don't know," her aunt whispered.

"Oh God! I can't do it anymore. I can't – I can't handle it." Her legs were weak beneath her, but her aunt only carried the extra weight as Elena continued to break down. She hadn't reached her breaking point with her parents' death or with the miscarriage, but she was there now. She was broken and she wanted it all to be over. For years she'd told herself that things would somehow get better, even if she had spells where she thought they weren't. She always fought her way from the darkness, but she didn't have the strength anymore. She didn't even have the will. "I should have died in that car. I wish I'd never been saved. Oh God, Aunt Jenna. I just want it to be over. Make it stop. Make it all stop."

"I'm going to make it better," her aunt promised as she guided her into the elevator with Logan, Jeremy, Bonnie, and Caroline.

She vaguely heard Caroline talking quietly to Jeremy and Logan, as she continued to sob against Jenna. Her belief that she didn't know if she'd be able to stop once she started had been correct. She felt like she was being ripped in half as the sobs consumed her, but she didn't think it would ever end. Her aunt and her brother might think it would be better again, but it wouldn't.

So she didn't question anything when she was placed in the back seat of Caroline's car with her aunt. She simply went willingly, and curled against her aunt's body, where she cried until her exhaustion consumed her.

When she woke up it was light out, and she was still in the backseat of Caroline's car. She could feel her aunt's fingers running gently over her head that was rested on her lap. Confused and disoriented, she sat up and looked out to find she was on the interstate with the countryside passing her by. Logan was driving with Jeremy asleep in the passenger's seat. She turned to look at Jenna, who was nervously staring at her. "Aunt Jenna, what's going on?"

Jenna smiled sadly and rested her hand on Elena's head. "We're taking you back to Mystic Falls for a bit, Elena. You're going home."


	34. Landslide

**Chapter 33**

**I took my love and I took it down  
>Climbed a mountain and I turned around<br>And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills  
>Till the landslide brought me down<strong>

With Caroline's reprimand hanging over their heads, the brothers looked at each other and sighed. Things were tense and they were taking it out on each other like normal. All the time and maturity in the world couldn't change the fact that they would always revert back to this when things felt like they were falling apart.

"I'm not trying to make you mad," Stefan quietly said. "I'm just trying to get you to think this all through, and drinking isn't how you do that, Damon."

"Don't you think I've thought this through?" Damon questioned. "All I've done for these past few months is think about this."

"But have you?" Stefan challenged. "Have you really thought about this beyond trying to keep from hurting Andie? I'm not stupid, Damon. I know what's going on here."

"What's so wrong with not wanting to hurt Andie? I love her."

"I'm not saying you don't," Stefan insisted. "I know you think that you've hurt everyone else, so you're trying to make sure you don't hurt someone else, but if you're only marrying Andie because you don't want to hurt her, you're doing exactly the opposite."

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my relationship with Andie runs a little deeper than what you're implying."

He knew Stefan was trying to help, and that he did have a point. Of course this was about not wanting to hurt Andie. After Elena was taken to Virginia, he'd believed he'd lost any chance to ever talk to her again. He had thought she was gone, and that he had no chance of repairing the damage done. So he focused on making sure he wouldn't do the same damage to Andie.

"I know that I'm a part of the reason we're here right now. I know you've let things get this far, in part, because of me. I said a lot of things the night we found out about you and Elena. I know I hurt you that night, and I never really said that I was sorry, but I am. I shouldn't have said the things I did, Damon."

"There's nothing to apologize for. You were right to say what you did."

"I wasn't right to say you weren't a good person. You are, Damon. Calling off this wedding won't change that. It won't make you a bad person if you do what is right for you and Andie. She might be upset at first and people might be mad, but it will blow over. I'll have your back through all of it. I'm just asking you," he stopped and shook his head, "Scratch that, I'm begging you, don't go through with this just because you want to show that you don't always hurt people."

Damon sighed. "It's about more than that, and you know it, Stefan."

"What? That her dad's running for president? I don't care!" Stefan declared, only to receive a glare from Caroline when Sawyer squirmed in her arms. He looked down to see if his son was still asleep before he looked back at Damon and quietly said, "I don't care if her father is the actual president. If you're not doing this for the right reasons, then don't do it."

* * *

><p>Damon listened to Elena's agonizing screams as her aunt guided her out of the penthouse, followed by her family and Bonnie and Caroline. "Oh God! I can't do it anymore! I can't – I can't handle it!"<p>

His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he was faced with the blinding truth of what he'd done. He'd only heard her cry in anguish like that one time, and it was the night she'd lost the baby. The sound had sliced him to his core that night, and it still did. After that night, he knew he never wanted to hear that sound come from her ever again, and hearing it tonight, knowing he was the reason she was so devastated and broken, it made him hate himself.

He'd done that to her.

The miscarriage had been hell on her, he'd had a front row seat to that, but he'd never lived through anything close to what just happened in this living room. He watched her shatter into a million pieces right in front of him and he was helpless to fix any of it, because it was all his fault. He'd slept with her knowing that he was in a relationship, and snuck off to propose to Andie. It had been a delusional belief that his actions wouldn't irrevocably break them, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. Despite what he'd told himself after she left, he needed her in his life in some form, and now he was watching her slip away from him.

This was all his fault. It was all him. What had he done? How could he do this to her?

Nobody could move or a say word after the penthouse went silent. They were all frozen in their places, paralyzed by what they had just witnessed. He could feel the judgment being placed on him, but nobody could put it into words yet. It was only when the front door opened that their attention moved again to the here and now. Caroline looked dazed and defeated when she came back into the penthouse, her normally ecstatic face, crestfallen and stained with tears. He could see her eyes were red and puffy as she entered the living room. She stopped a few feet in front of him and sniffled softly before she said, "I hope you're happy with yourself."

"How is she?" he asked, his heart clenched in concern and fear for Elena. The sounds he'd heard come from her as she'd been pulled from the living room were on a constant repeat in his mind.

"I gave Jenna our car. They're taking her back to Virginia." Her voice faded out at then end, consumed by her sadness. Caroline's face fell and her shoulders began to shake as she started to cry again. Stefan went to her, the pain he felt for his own wife evident on his face when he pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest as her body shook against his.

"She'll be okay, baby," Stefan assured her, rubbing his hands through her hair and down her back. "She'll be fine."

"You didn't hear her, Stefan," she cried, her words mumbled by his shirt. "Jenna wants her to move back to Mystic Falls."

"She what?" Damon gasped, stepping closer to Caroline. "She can't move there."

Caroline turned her head to look at Damon, her eyes narrowed. "God, what do you care, Damon?" Angry, she pushed Stefan away from her and twisted around to fully face him. "You're the entire reason Jenna wants her to leave."

"I can fix it," Damon swore. He didn't know how just yet, but he knew that he could. She couldn't just be gone.

"How?" Caroline screamed. "All you've done is make this worse. From the moment she got back, you've been horrible to her. I thought you'd reached your lowest point when you told her I was pregnant, but this takes the cake." She sucked in a strained breath and clenched her eyes shut as her head shook back and forth. "She's my best friend, Damon. What have you done?" She brought a trembling hand up to her mouth. "Oh my god, what have you done?"

"Caroline, I'm so sorry," he apologized, his voice strained and weak. "I didn't mean for it to happen like this."

"You don't get it, Damon!" she exclaimed, opening her eyes again to pierce him with her cutting gaze. "You have no idea what you've done to her." Stefan gently grabbed hold of Caroline and tried to steer her away from Damon, fear clearly written on his face. "No, Stefan. I know you think I need to calm down, but he doesn't get it. Neither of you get it. Do you know what she said to Jenna?" Caroline tearfully asked him. "Did you hear what she said out in that hallway?"

"No," he whispered.

"She said she wished she was dead." A painful cry poured from Caroline's mouth. She was close to hyperventilating now, her chest heaving with the extreme effort it took her to breathe. "She said she wished she'd died in that car with her parents. She hasn't said that since she woke up in the hospital and found out she was the only one that survived." Caroline shoved a harsh finger into his chest. "You did that to her. You did that to my best friend. I love you, and I know she hurt you, but this is so much worse than what she did to you. I don't think I can ever forgive you for this."

"Caroline, please," Stefan begged her. "Please calm down. This isn't good for the baby."

"Do you even care, Stefan?" she demanded hoarsely, her voice giving out on her. "Do you even care that she's my best friend and your brother broke her heart just because he could? Do you care about anyone other than Damon?"

Stefan looked like Caroline had physically hit him, and his face paled as he stared at her. "You know I do." He reached out and pulled her toward him again, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "You're who I've tried to protect from the beginning. I love you."

"Then how come you haven't been able to put your anger toward Elena aside for the past six months? For wanting to protect me so much, you sure were an asshole to my best friend."

"I never did anything to Elena," Stefan insisted.

"You didn't have to!" Caroline exclaimed. "You made it clear you didn't even want to be in the same room with her. You didn't give a damn what Damon did to her. For months, I've tried to talk to you about what was going on with them, and you told me to stay out of it. You told me it wasn't my business. Well, guess what? It is my business." Caroline groaned and pushed Stefan away from her again. "I always knew you two were stupidly codependent and that it would bite me in the ass at some point, but this is just wrong." She turned to look at Damon, seething when she said, "What you did was despicable, and I won't support it. You had no reason to do what you did to her. And, Stefan," she looked back at her husband, "I know I told you I'd always support you, but this is too much. If you are really going to act like this is all okay, and still support him for this, I'm not okay with that. I won't be."

Caroline rolled her watery eyes and huffed before storming away from the brothers, crying as she went. Stefan began to follow her, but Liz quickly stepped in front of him, pressing her hand into his chest. "I know you love my daughter," she began softly, "But I think you need to give her some time."

"She's too upset right now," Stefan said, watching Caroline's back disappear down the hallway. "The stress isn't good for her or the baby."

"She's been put in a really tough spot tonight, Stefan," Liz pointed out as she lowered her hand from Stefan's chest. "I'll go sit with her for a bit, and calm her down. Just give her some space."

"Liz," Stefan pleaded.

"I know you are her husband, but I'm still her mother, Stefan, and I know her. Give her a few hours to cool down. I'll let you know if anything is wrong." Liz gently squeezed Stefan's shoulders and turned to go find Caroline.

Stefan watched after her, tears in his own eyes now, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He could clearly see the pain on his brother's face and he knew this was his fault. He'd done the one thing that Stefan had asked him to not do – he brought Caroline into it, and now she wasn't just furious with she was furious with him, too. This was supposed to be the happiest time in their lives, the last few weeks before they had the baby, and now they were at odds because of his brother.

Stefan turned then, his eyes filled with anger and a sense of betrayal. Damon knew in that moment that he would have a lot more to repair tonight than he thought he did. He'd hurt his brother, and now he was looking at him as if he barely recognized him. There was no sympathy or sadness in his eyes. There was no trace of the warm brother that had had his back for the past two and a half years, no questions asked.

He wanted to apologize and make things right with his brother. Elena was lost to him at this moment. He would not be able to make anything right with her for a long time, but he could begin with his brother right now. Before he had the chance to try, Stefan slowly walked toward him, his head shaking back and forth as he clenched his jaw. His fists twitched down by his waist and Damon knew what was coming next.

He did not raise a hand to try and defend himself from the powerful fist his brother slammed against his face. The pain dazed him and his vision went blurry as he staggered back from the extreme blow. There was no time to regain his bearings before he felt an excruciating punch to the other side of his face. The momentum sent him falling back to the floor, where he landed squarely on his back, and his head bounced roughly off of the hardwood flooring. Now, even if he wanted to, he had no ability to defend himself from his brother's torrid blows.

Stefan was on top of him, assaulting his face with one brutal hit after the other. His entire head was on fire and his vision darkened as blood seeped into one of his eyes, but if his brother noticed the injury, it did not deter him. It was only when he was mere moments away from losing his battle to remain conscious that a booming voice sliced through the haze.

"That's enough!" their father shouted, his tone and words like a blast from the past of countless times he'd broken up fights between the brothers. Like always, it ended the fight, and Stefan fell back, collapsing next to Damon on the floor, out of breath, and frustrated that he had been stopped. "Both of you stand up right now."

Stefan looked at him, and his face must look bad, because a brief show of pain flashed through his brother's eyes before he rolled away and moved to his feet. Unlike many of their other fights, he did not extend his hand to help Damon up. He stood solemnly and watched as Damon slowly pushed himself to his feet, a task that took much longer than it should have, for the sole fact that his body could barely move without sending signals to his brain that he was about to lose consciousness.

Finally, when he was on his feet and watching his stoic father from several feet away, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Stefan turned to him, his mouth open, ready to fire off a quick retort, when their father lifted his hand and stepped toward them. "Don't say anything, Stefan," his father warned. He waited until he was certain that he held the attention of both of his sons before he said, "You are brothers. You do not behave like this. I did not raise my sons to fight each other. You fight _for_ each other, not _against_."

Both brothers lowered their head in embarrassment. Giuseppe had not taught Damon very many valuable things in life outside of business, but he had taught him that. He had always told Stefan and Damon that the world would be cruel, and they would have to be there for each other. He said that the moment they turned on each other was the moment they would lose any chance of doing anything of value in their lives.

"You heard what he did," Stefan tried to explain after several tense moments.

"God, you don't even care about Elena," Damon snapped, unable to help himself.

"I care about Caroline, and thanks to you, my wife is devastated right now. She's back in our bedroom crying, while I'm forced to stay out here because she blames me too!"

"I didn't set out to hurt anyone, Stefan. I didn't mean to involve Caroline in this."

"You slept with her best friend and proposed to another woman the very next day. In what part of your brain did you actually believe that something like that wouldn't bring Caroline right into the middle of all of this?" Stefan demanded, turning to face Damon again.

"Do I have to separate you two like when you were kids?" Giuseppe asked, exasperated with the bickering. "Stefan, you sit on one end of the couch, Damon you sit on the other. You're both going to sit here and listen to me whether you like it or not. And so help me, if either of you hits the other, I will snatch your trust funds away so fast you won't know what happened." Stefan huffed and stomped past Damon, making sure to roughly shove Damon as he passed him. "Try it again, Stefan," his father warned as he watched his youngest son angrily drop down onto the couch. He held his arm out and motioned for Damon to take a seat as well. Once he was seated, Giuseppe sat on the coffee table in front of them and asked, "What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"

"You're really going to ask me that?" Stefan asked incredulously. "You saw the whole thing, dad. What's wrong with me is Damon and the fact that he doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself."

"That's not true and you know it," Damon sighed.

"It is true!" Stefan shouted. "I have asked you to do one thing since Elena got back. I asked you to keep Caroline out of whatever you were going to do with Elena. I didn't even ask for you to do it forever. I just asked you to keep her out of it until she had the baby. One goddamn thing, Damon! That was all I asked for, and you couldn't even do it!"

"I didn't plan it out like this!"

"Really? You didn't plan to be a complete dick to someone? Try selling that line to somebody who doesn't know you. All you've wanted to do since Elena got back is make her pay."

"Stop it!" Giuseppe interjected again. "I did not raise the two of you to treat each other like this."

"You raised a son that thinks it's okay to treat people however horribly he wants to treat them. All you've ever cared about is your business, and making sure he's groomed to be second in command. He's never had to learn that he doesn't get to be God and do whatever he wants to whomever he wants, because you've always been there to clean up his messes. You cared more about keeping your business in tact than raising a decent human being as a son."

The words his brother spoke hit Damon hard in his gut. He'd never heard Stefan speak so cruelly about him, his voice filled with so much contempt. Had he always felt this way and never said it until now? Did his brother think that little of him?

Giuseppe sadly shook his head. "Your brother has made some very poor decisions in his life, but he is your brother, and you're supposed to defend him, not fight him."

"All I've ever done is defend him!" Stefan exclaimed. "My entire life, I have practically worshipped him. Everyone always said my brother was a horrible person and they couldn't believe I put up with him, but I defended him every single time. Every time he's messed up I've had his back. He would not be here right now if I hadn't spent months dragging him out of bars after Elena left. I have stood by him through everything, and this is how he repays me? I'm having a baby in a few weeks! God, I'm supposed to be happy, dad. Tonight was supposed to be good, and he ruined it. This is forever going to hang over the birth of my child because nothing will be fixed by then. The most important day of my life is coming and right now my wife can't even look at me. That's his fault! I'm done defending him, and I'm tired of everyone cleaning up his messes for him!"

"If that's how you feel about your brother, then you'll be glad to know he's about to learn the hardest lesson of his life. For once, there's something that you and I cannot fix for him."

Stefan shrugged his shoulders and rose from the couch. "Good, maybe he'll figure out how to be an actual person in the process." He turned to Damon, his eyes eerily cold and distant. It did not fit his brother in the slightest, and he did not like it. "I told you that we would have a major problem if you got Caroline involved in your masochistic bullshit with Elena. Well, this is our major problem, Damon. Stay away from Caroline until I say otherwise. You come near my wife, and not even dad will be able to stop me."

He turned on his heel and walked away from the couch, going off in search of his wife and a way to make things better. Damon jumped to his feet to try and call out to his brother, go to him, plead with him until Stefan no longer stared at him like he was disgusted with him, but his father placed a firm hand on his chest and kept him rooted in place. "Let him go, son," he whispered.

He fell to the couch, feeling defeated and alone. He'd thought the idea of being locked out of Elena's life was hard to comprehend, but everyone was closing ranks now. Elena's family had blockaded her far away from him, giving him no possible chance to see her or speak to her. Stefan and Liz were now building a solid wall around Caroline, cutting off any access he had to the woman that he now loved like a sister. And as for his brother, his own father was freezing Damon out, granting Stefan the desire he had to be anywhere but in the same room with him. In less than an hour, he'd been effectively shut out of from the lives of those who defined him, supported him, and loved him.

His elbows on his legs, and his head in his hands, he choked out, "I didn't want things to be like this."

"Very few people set out to be the villain in life, Damon."

He did. Sometimes he truly did set out to be just that. He'd done it with countless people throughout his life, and most notably, he'd done it with Elena. He put himself on the path of hatred and desperate payback when she returned, uncaring that he would look horrible to those around him. It had never mattered to him before, so it didn't matter then. Except it did, and being the villain to Elena didn't bring the feelings of relief and satisfaction that he'd thought it would.

So he tried to be friends with her. He grabbed hold of the only thing he thought they could have, and he squeezed until there was no breath left. He suffocated it with his delirious need to not have her as his, but not have her as anyone else's either. He wanted her in her own little corner, away from all things he didn't deem worthy of her, and when she'd refused, he snapped. He lost all sensibility and he slept with her. He lost himself in so many things that had made them great, and before he could be drowned in the sea of everything she did to him and made him feel, he sought shelter from the storm.

Because Elena was a storm. She was a category five hurricane that left destruction in her wake. There had been only one shelter that he'd found in two years that could safely house him, so he ran to it. He ran to _her_. He went to Andie, filled with a desire to make sure she would forever be there as his shelter. In all of the panic and whirlwind of it all, he'd never bothered to allow himself to realize that by escaping the storm Elena brought upon him, he became hers. He hadn't simply wiped her out and left her to pick up the pieces. He'd completely demolished her, leaving her to believe that there were no pieces to be picked up. He did the one thing he thought would never be possible. He broke Elena Gilbert, and now he was hated because of it.

"I thought I could make it right. I thought I could make her understand."

"Your brother is right," his father said quietly. "You do these cruel things to people without truly thinking of the consequences, and you expect everyone to meet you with understanding and acceptance. You expect for no one to challenge you. And maybe that's my fault. It may not seem like it to you, but I've let you get away with a lot. I've buried many of your missteps and discretions throughout the years. You've rarely had to face genuine consequences for your impulsive decisions, but you have to now."

He lifted wounded eyes to meet his father's gaze. "What do you mean?"

"You locked yourself into something bigger than you when you proposed to Andie. You did not propose to a woman that no one knows."

"What are you saying, dad?"

"I'm saying it's too late to back out now. The announcement has been made. She has already picked a date that does not coincide with her father's campaign. It's done, and you're marrying Andie whether you truly want to or not."

Suddenly, Damon found that he needed to do some blockading of his very own. On what felt like one of the roughest and lowest nights of his life, his father was still thinking about business. He'd played the fatherly act for twenty minutes, pretending to truly love his sons and want what was best for them. He was even pretending like he was going to let Damon face his own choices for once, but the only reason he was doing it was because it fit his own needs. If it were anyone but Andie, his father wouldn't give a damn about how this all played out, but because she was the daughter of a senator _and_ the possible future president, he was going to run the show.

It didn't matter that Damon's face was covered in dried blood, and he probably wouldn't be able to see out of either of his eyes tomorrow. It didn't matter that he and his brother were truly at odds for the first time in their lives, and there was no sign of light on the horizon for them. It didn't matter that Damon felt broken down and confused, and that for once in his life he needed his father to be his father. None of it mattered, and none of it ever would.

He stood from the couch and strode away from him, the anguish taking hold of his heart once again. "I can't believe you're seriously only thinking about business after what just happened tonight. I actually need you to be my father for _one night_, and you can't even do that."

"I am being your father," Giuseppe fought back. "I am always your father."

"No you're not!" Damon shouted. "I'm a business transaction to you. The only reason you like Andie is because of what you think her father could do for you."

Giuseppe stood and squared off toward Damon, his shoulders high and pushed back. "Well then what would you rather me do, son? Tell you to break off your engagement and go chasing after a girl who just had a nervous breakdown not ten feet away from where you're standing? Do you really want me to tell you to go be with the girl who abandoned you in your darkest hour? Would you rather me be okay with Elena and not Andie? Because I can't do that. You can say I never liked her and that I never gave her a chance, but she showed me that she never deserved one. You needed her, and she left you. I will never be okay with her."

"What about when you abandoned me?" Damon fired back. "I needed you when mom died and you deserted me in every way that mattered. You abandoned me when I needed a father, and you've never come back, but I'm supposed to be okay with you, even if you've never bothered to care about what I want and what I need?"

"When have you ever been okay with me? You don't listen to a damn thing I say, and you never have."

"Why should I? You're a miserable human being! Why would I want to listen to anything that you have to say when your life has turned out so crappy? You've spent twenty years mourning a woman that's never going to come back. You have no real relationship with your sons, and most people only talk to you because you managed to build a good company. At the end of the day, your business is all you have, and that's because of you, not anyone else."

A tense silence fell over the room and Damon heaved a large sigh. Things had been complicated ever since he so publically quit his job after Elena left. He'd told his father he wished he had died, and they'd never talked about that moment. It had been brushed under the rug, but tonight, he was ripping up that rug and tossing it aside, leaving everything to be revealed under the harsh light.

"It amazes me that after everything I've done for you, you still think so little of me. I have made mistakes as your father, and I know that, but you are my son, and I did the best I could after your mother died. Yes, I have spent twenty years mourning her, but she was my wife and the mother of my children." His voice cracked and he looked down at the floor for several moments to maintain his composure before he continued. "So believe it or not, I understand this bond you feel you have with Elena, but it goes so much deeper than that once you have the child in your arms. Your mother is the only woman I have ever loved, and when you one day get to experience having your own child, you will understand that feeling. And yes, I was unreasonably hard on you, and that's my fault. It was hard to look in your face every day and see your mom, because while Stefan looks like me, you're all her. It was like staring at a ghost, and I tried to replace everything with work. I made bad decisions, but my bad decisions do not erase the fact that I love you and your brother, and I have only wanted the best for you both."

"Then why can't you ever just be happy for me?" Damon whispered. His father's words sounded great and he'd wanted to hear something like that for so long, but if it was true, why didn't it feel like it?

"It's not that I'm not happy for you, or that I've never been happy for you," his father began softly. "It's that I'm scared for you. You might be a lot like me in more ways than you like to admit but you're emotional like your mother. You let your heart drive you, and that gets you into trouble. I saw what your divorce did to you. I have seen what Elena did to you, and still does to you. I do not want to see you go through that ever again."

"What about what I seem to put other people through? I'm not innocent in this."

"You're my son, I'm biased. I care more about your feelings than anyone else's. So maybe your brother is right, and I have gotten you out of a lot of sticky situations. Because, right now, looking at you and listening to the things you've done, I'm trying to figure out how I failed so badly as a parent that you became this." His father's shoulders fell and he sadly shook his head. "I've never found myself wishing this before, but tonight I'm happy that your mother isn't here to see the man you've become. This would have broken her heart."

"And there it is," Damon whispered, unable to find any other words to fit this moment that would forever define his relationship with his father. Nothing would ever be the same after this.

His father knew it, too, for he soon was repeating back to him, "There it is."

Slowly, Damon nodded and grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging over the back of the chair in the living room. "Now that I've been sufficiently demolished by everyone that matters in my life tonight, I'm going to go home, if that's okay with you. I promise not to do anything rash while I'm at it."

He made his way out of his brother's penthouse with no fuss from his father. The damage he'd done tonight was immeasurable and he didn't think anyone would be trying to speak to him any time soon. Whatever plans had been in place for tomorrow morning were now shot to hell. There was no way Caroline and Stefan would want to see him while they opened their presents and did their whole too-in-love-with-each-other-to-see-straight bit.

The cold weather was soothing to his stinging face as he stepped onto the sidewalk. It was late and he would normally hail a cab, but tonight he would walk. He needed the time to think, and the harsh wind would hopefully cool his face long enough for him to get home and drink until he was totally numb.

With the trouble he'd gotten himself into lately, it probably wasn't his wisest idea to drink, but seeing as no one would be dropping by to see him and wish him a Merry Christmas, he figured it would be safe enough. How much damage could he really do while holed up in his penthouse, with nothing but his television to talk to?

A lot.

He didn't get himself into the usual trouble, but he found over the next two days that he could get himself into plenty of trouble when the only activity he had to do was think. His brain was on overdrive, and the alcohol didn't really help matters. All he could think about was Elena and how she'd looked as she broke down in front of him. He'd been unable to help her, the damage already done. All he'd been able to do was watch and listen.

The woman that came back from Chicago, quiet and scared, was long gone. She did not stand and listen to him, with small arms wrapped tightly around herself. She did not tell him that she deserved whatever he had to throw at her. She did not tell him she was sorry on an annoying loop. And she certainly did not tell him that she loved him.

She told him that she hated him and that he'd broken her heart. She told him that he'd ruined her life. She'd told him that everything was his fault. She'd told him they were not friends. She'd told him she never wanted anything to do with him ever again. Most of all, she'd told him that she was glad they did not have a child together. And those were the words that hit home the hardest. Those were the words that would haunt him forever.

He'd seen what the miscarriage had done to her, how badly she'd wanted their baby. He had watched her through Caroline's pregnancy and the pained looks that would take hold of her face when she thought no one was looking. He knew that she still carried that loss with her on a daily basis, but he also knew that she meant those words when she said them. She might not mean them now or even five minutes after she said them, but she'd meant them in that moment. In that instant, she was relieved that she was not tied to him forever, that they did not share a bond that would link them for the rest of their lives.

Almost three years ago now, she'd hovered above him in bed, her soft fingers resting delicately on his face, and asked him not to break her heart. Her voice had been shaky and barely loud enough to reach his own ears. In that moment, he promised her that he wouldn't, and he meant it. That was the moment he'd realized he would do anything to keep from hurting her. He wanted to protect her from anyone that would hurt her. Turned out, he was the one he should have protected her against.

Through the next three years they'd inflict more pain than necessary on each other, but he couldn't deny that his blow was far worse than one she'd ever landed on him. She had been 22 and scared. He was an adult that knew what he was doing. He'd tried to tell himself his engagement wouldn't break her, but he knew it was a lie. He knew that she would never smile and accept the news after he'd slept with her and run out on her. He had been delusional to try and convince himself otherwise. He'd brought this all on himself, and now he was left to deal with the aftermath of it all. Only problem was, he didn't even know where to start.

So when his doorbell rang just after noon the day after Christmas, he didn't answer it. He stayed on his couch, a bottle of scotch in his hands, and a pillow over his eyes to block out as much light as possible.

It was just his luck, though, that the front door soon opened and Andie's voice filtered through his apartment. "Damon?" she called out, closing the door just a moment later.

He shot up, causing the pillow to fall from his face, and land with a soft thud by his feet. She didn't know about what had happened on Christmas Eve. In all of his obsessive thoughts about how to begin fixing the mess he was in with everyone, he hadn't even thought about what he was going to tell Andie about his face. She was supposed to be in Massachusetts with her family until the New Year. What was she doing back so soon?

"Andie, what are you doing here?" he asked as he tried to quickly straighten at least a little bit of his coffee table to minimize how bad the alcohol binge he'd gone on had been. "You're supposed to be with your family."

"You know how my dad is," she told him, and he could hear her footsteps coming closer. "I can only handle so much. I told him something came up with work and got back to the city." He tried to keep his face turned away from her as she dropped down on the couch next to him. "I missed you." Her hands encompassed his face and tried to turn it so she could see him, but when he resisted, she asked, "What's wrong?"

Slowly, she stood up and walked to his other side. Knowing he was stuck now, he didn't move his head again. He simply watched the shock come over her face, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open in disbelief. "Oh my god," she gasped. "What happened to your face?"

"You think this is bad? You should see the other guy," he tried to joke, but it fell flat.

"Are you okay?"

He pulled her searching fingers from his face and lowered them to her lap. "Let's just say that I think in terms of 'whose Christmas was worse?' I win."

"Who did this?"

While his first instinct might be to lie and make up a story about who had hit him, he knew he couldn't lie about this. The fallout with his family was big, and he wouldn't be able to hide that from her. "Stefan and I may have had a bit of a disagreement."

"Stefan did this to you?" she shrieked, her voice full of disbelief. "What in the world would ever possess him to do this?"

That was, of course, the million dollar question. Why would Stefan do this to him? What could he possibly tell her to explain why this had happened? There wasn't really anything he could say. Andie had known him for years, and subsequently known his relationship with Stefan. Though she knew they sometimes fought, she knew enough to know that they didn't fight like this. His relationship with his brother was sometimes rocky, but it was rare that they resorted to violence, especially over the holidays. She would not simply believe that Stefan had been stressed and taken it out on him.

"Things were tense and Stefan and I just got into it." The explanation was a crap one, and one that he knew wouldn't fly, but he still said it. He still tried it. Would she give him points for trying?

"If you think I'm stupid enough to believe that, I think you need to get your head checked out."

"Look, Andie, I know you're worried, but I'd really rather not talk about it. Stefan is furious with me, and if it's all the same to you, I'd like to not delve into the whole thing."

Andie sighed and moved away from Damon. Her hands twisted on her lap, and she looked at him in a mixture of suspicion and annoyance. "I've known you and Stefan long enough to know that he would never do this to you unless something big happened. Your brother fancies himself as your protector as much as you are his. So, you're going to have to work a little harder than 'things were tense.'"

"Andie," he sighed.

"Is this about Elena?" she blurted out, lifting determined eyes to meet his.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Because I'm not blind," she stated, a resigned tone in her voice. "I know that Elena is still in love with you, and that she was supposed to be there on Christmas Eve. I also know that she's Caroline's best friend, and if she is upset, so is Caroline. If Caroline is upset, that means your brother is upset. So it all becomes this messed up circle where, ultimately, if Elena is mad at you, Stefan is mad at you. So, is this about Elena?"

"Yeah, it's about her," he softly said.

Damon looked past Andie and stared out the large window in his living room that left so much of the city on display for him. The snow was falling lightly, dusting the city in a soft, white blanket. For a few hours it would be crisp and untouched, but as time wore on, the pristine white snow would turn black and mushy. The beauty would be gone. It was an odd reflection of him. On the outside, he was great and beautiful, but the sheen always wore off, and the truth was revealed that he was neither of those things. He was cold and ruthless. He'd hurt countless people, and now he had another person sitting in front of him, letting the power to hurt her rest solely in his hands.

He'd hurt so many people in the past few days, and he was now on the verge of doing that to yet another. Andie was the most innocent of them all in this mess. She hadn't asked to be involved in the disaster of his life. He'd brought her in, lulled her into this false sense of comfort, and now he could shatter that, or allow that feeling to last as long as possible. Much like the day he proposed to her, he was now left with two options.

"What's going on, Damon?" she whispered, fear evident in her voice. "What happened with Elena to make Stefan mad enough to do this?"

He met her apprehensive gaze that was filled with so much uncertainty that he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to fix anything right now. He just knew that everything was a disaster and he didn't want it to be. Elena was gone and she hated him. After all this time, she was truly lost to him. If she moved back to Virginia, like her aunt wanted, she'd get her wish and he'd never see her again. If he told Andie, and Elena moved out of the city, would he really accomplish anything positive? He would hurt Andie for something that was already gone.

He couldn't do that. He'd done too much damage already. He couldn't add her name to his list of victims. She had a luxury that none of them had right now. She got to remain oblivious to the pain and anguish going on around her. He could keep her happy while everyone else sorted through the destruction. He could keep her out of it all.

So, much like he'd been doing for the past several months, he looked at her and assured her that everything was fine. "Elena had a few things she wanted to get off of her chest the other night, and it didn't end well. You're right that Caroline got mad at me, which resulted in Stefan being mad at me. We fought and said some things we'll probably regret, but it's done. We'll all get some space for a few days and then everything will go back to normal."

Andie slowly lifted timid fingers to Damon's bruised cheek. "This doesn't look like a normal fight that's going to blow over in a few days, Damon. I know you and Stefan."

"It was worse than normal," he softly acknowledged, "But he's my brother, and we'll be fine. We're always fine."

He said it because it had to be true. They'd had big fights and small fights throughout the years, but they always came out on the other side. This time couldn't be any different. He may have done more damage than normal, but Stefan was his brother. He was going to be a father soon, and there was no way that they would not come together for that. They were going to be okay. They always were.

He would let Stefan cool off for a few days and then go to him to smooth things out. Until that time came, there was little else he could do about the situation. He needed to focus on something else, and that something else was sitting right in front of him. She was wearing his ring on her finger and they'd agreed to get married. With everything else that he'd messed up, he wouldn't mess this up. He would focus on Andie and their wedding. Nobody else needed him right now, but she did, so he'd be here for her. He'd be what she needed when he had failed so horribly at being what everyone else needed.


	35. Scarlet

**Chapter 34**

**Your mind is swollen  
>From months of thought without release<br>They've taken their toll on you  
>And this very moment of timid and fragile honesty<br>Is precious and rare and fleeting**

By the time the plane finally departed from the gate, Elena had stopped crying and was now simply second-guessing so many of the things she'd done in the past six months. Everything had felt right at the time. She'd believed she was doing what she had to do, but now she wondered if she'd just been lying to herself. She thought she was doing the right thing and being mature. Her decisions didn't feel so mature right now. No, they felt stupid, and like maybe if she'd been more selfish or fought for him, something would be different.

How did she really expect him to act when she asked him to not get married on his wedding day? She'd had six months to say something, but she'd only said the opposite of what she really wanted. She'd wanted him, and yet she'd told him to go. She'd wanted him as far away from her as she could get him. The pain had all been so fresh then, though. There had still been moments where it hurt to merely breathe because it was so painful. She thought the way to put herself on the path of healing was to push him away. She wanted him gone.

"Do you think I made a mistake?" Elena asked Bonnie after several moments of silence.

"I think I probably need some clarification on this one, Elena."

Elena sighed and turned her head to face her best friend. "With Damon, do you think I made a mistake? Should I have fought for him when I got back? Should I have done something differently?"

"I think you know my thoughts on Damon, and my thoughts on the decisions you tend to make in regards to him. I also think you know that I believe you did what you felt was right at the time. No matter what the decision, if you thought it was right at that moment, it's not a mistake. You can't predict how you'll feel two hours after the fact, much less four, five, or six months later. You just have to believe that you were trying to do the right thing, and that it will pay off."

Elena eyed her friend curiously, almost unsure of where this advice was coming from. Bonnie was a caring and thoughtful girl, but she wasn't usually this sensitive. She tended to be harsh with her opinions and refuse to hold back.

"Where is this coming from?"

Bonnie's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"When did you become this nice? That's what I mean."

"I've always been nice!" Bonnie gently slapped Elena's arm. "Maybe I've mellowed a bit, but I was never mean."

"But you weren't saying this stuff?"

A blush crept over Bonnie's cheeks and she looked down at her hands. "Owen may be rubbing off on me. I'm a woman in love."

Elena smiled in spite of her own heart crying out in agony. "It looks good on you Bonnie."

"Good, because I've put too much effort into this relationship for it to not fit me well."

"I'm glad you're happy, Bonnie," Elena said, and she meant it. No matter how much of a disaster her life was right now, she truly did want her friend to be happy.

"It won't be like this forever," Bonnie assured her. "You're gonna be happy too. It's going to take some time, but you'll be happy. It probably wouldn't hurt to change your taste in men, because it kind of sucks right now."

"There's the Bonnie I'm familiar with," she giggled.

"I'm in love, not dead. The judgmental bitch in me will never completely go away, which means I'm also going to give you this advice. You're right back where you were six months ago, telling yourself that you have to move on, but you need to do some serious thinking during this process. You have to make a decision and stick with it. You need to decide whether you really do want to move on from Damon, because I think you've thought it was the right thing to do for a long time, but you've never truly wanted to do it. If you don't want it, you and Damon will stay in this viciously destructive cycle for however many years it takes someone to break it. Because I can tell you right now, he may be marrying Andie today, but he's not going to be the one to break the cycle."

* * *

><p>Elena inhaled a deep breath, something that was supposed to be comforting and calming for her nerves. Nearly two weeks ago, she'd been nearly carried from her best friend's living room in the midst of a nervous breakdown. She had been swept away in the dead of the night back to her home of Mystic Falls, Virginia, with little choice in the matter. When she'd woken up in that car on Christmas Day to find that she was not in her home, but somewhere in Maryland, she'd been livid.<p>

In the backseat of that car she'd kicked, screamed, and yelled until she was finally forced to admit that she was going back home whether she liked it or not. Her aunt had told her she had a choice between staying willingly, or she'd call up the nearest psychiatrist and see what they would have to say about Elena's behavior the night before.

She had begrudgingly gone along with her aunt's wishes and stayed in Mystic Falls for almost two weeks. She saw a therapist and had breakfast and dinner with the family each and every night. Between Jeremy and Jenna, there was little time for her to spend any time by herself. She was surprised she got to sleep by herself. Granted, she hadn't slept alone the first two nights, seeing as Jenna too scared to leave her side. She'd scared her family with her words and behavior on Christmas Eve, and they had reacted to that fear.

The last two weeks had been hard. She'd been forced to evaluate a lot of things that she'd done since returning from Chicago. She'd come back wanting to make amends and move forward, but she'd moved so far backwards she couldn't see where she had even been before. What she could see was that she didn't like the person she'd become. No matter her feelings for Damon, he was in a relationship, and a serious one from what she was told. It had been immature and selfish of her to sleep with him. Her behavior afterward had been nothing she was proud of earlier.

In the therapy sessions her aunt had convinced her to go to, she'd been faced with the decisions she'd made and how she'd brought some of her heartache on herself. She placed some blame on Damon, but she mostly placed it on herself. He hadn't forced her to sleep with him. He hadn't forced her to still be in love with him. He hadn't forced her to do_anything_. She still had some lingering beliefs that she had been manipulated a bit by him, but it didn't erase her of any blame. She was still to blame for a lot, and she had to accept that.

Accepting it meant that she couldn't stay in Mystic Falls, no matter how much her aunt begged her to. She'd stayed for two weeks and done some much need soul-searching, but it was time for her to come back home, and that was New York City. So, barely off the plane, here she was in front of one of Caroline's favorite restaurants, her nerves fraying with each breath she took. This would be the first time she would see Caroline or Bonnie since Christmas Eve, and she was nervous.

She had spoken with them during her time away, but the conversations had remained brief, not wanting to burden them more than she already had. She understood the pain she had put them through on that night, and she didn't want to do that anymore. She wanted their friendships to be equal and simple, like they had been before Damon ever came into the picture. Though she knew she had no hope of most things in her life ever being simple again, she had hope with Caroline and Bonnie.

"I hear this place is known for their pomegranate martinis. You know, if you're into that kind of thing."

Elena's head whipped to the side at the sound of a voice as familiar as her own. Sparkling green eyes stared up at her, and immediately felt her brown eyes tear up at the site. "Bonnie!" she exclaimed as she quickly threw her arms around her best friend.

"Oomph," her friend grunted at the impact. "Have you been lifting weights down in Virginia?"

"Sorry!" Elena apologized and pulled back enough to look Bonnie in the eyes again. "Oh my god, I've missed you!"

"It's been two weeks," Bonnie reminded her. "We've done worse."

"I know, but still. I'm just glad to see you again. I have spent two weeks running into every single friend from high school I never wanted to see again. It's nice to see the friends I always want to see, no matter what."

"Does that mean you're actually going to go into that restaurant, or are we going to stand on the sidewalk with a pregnant Caroline complaining the entire time for our mini-reunion?"

"Dang, is she still pregnant?" Elena joked. "I was hoping I'd come back to find out the baby was already here and miss the drama of her giving birth."

"Like I'd let you make me do this all by myself." Bonnie looped her arm through Elena's and began to drag her toward the entrance of the restaurant. "Let's go, Gilbert. I've been forced to handle Caroline all by myself these past two weeks. I need a buffer again."

"How has she been?" Elena questioned as they entered the restaurant.

"I think I'm just going to throw you in blind."

"How sweet of you."

Elena inhaled her last breath of strength as she and Bonnie searched the restaurant for their blonde friend. In a corner booth that seemed distant from most of the other tables, she spotted her, staring down at her stomach, speaking rapidly to it. All Elena could do was laugh at the site, and feel her nerves completely disappear. There was nothing to be scared of. Caroline was still Caroline, and she needed that.

As she watched her blonde friend try to slide herself out of the booth, she had to admit that she may not be the _exact_ Caroline she'd left behind. In the two weeks she'd been gone Caroline's belly had grown

"Oh my god, look at you!" Elena exclaimed as she excitedly rubbed Caroline's stomach. "You've grown!"

"Uh oh," Bonnie mumbled from beside Elena.

Before she could question what her friend meant, Caroline slapped her hands and backed away. "You know, I expect this stuff from Stefan, because he's a boy and stupid, but I expected more from you!"

Elena blanched and backed away from Caroline. "I don't get it."

"She thinks you called her fat," Bonnie explained with an eye roll.

"I did no such thing!" Elena shouted, earning herself a few annoyed glares from other patrons of the restaurant.

"Yes you did," Caroline whined as she threw herself back down into the booth. "It's okay, though." She wiped at the tears that were gathering in her eyes. "Everyone thinks it. You and Stefan are just the only ones brave enough to say it."

"He did not." Elena might not be very fond of Stefan right now, seeing as he tended to take up for his brother at the expense of all others around him, but she knew he wasn't stupid enough to call Caroline fat.

Bonnie and Elena slid into the booth across from Caroline; both feeling it would be best to not be sitting right next to her during this emotional state. Apparently, Caroline's take on rationality had been lost while she was away in Mystic Falls.

"Don't bother," Bonnie told her. "Caroline doesn't understand common sense anymore. That thing inside of her has taken over her brain."

"I'm growing a person, Bonnie, not an inanimate object!"

"With the way you've been acting, I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"Nice to see some things haven't changed since I've been gone." Elena gave Bonnie a pointed look.

"You haven't been around in two weeks, which means you haven't been subjected to the level of crazy that our best friend has reached. You'd be questioning what she had inside of her if you'd been here, trust me."

Caroline slapped her hand on the table and then pointed her finger in Bonnie's direction. "I am as big as a house. I can't sleep. I'm hot all the time, even though it's the middle of freaking winter in New York. I can't wear my heels anymore because my feet are swollen. Then, to top it all off, my husband thinks I'm fat. You'd be a pretty crappy person to be around too if you were in my shoes, so I don't even want to hear it."

Bonnie looked over at Elena and motioned in Caroline's direction, a bright and fake smile on her face. "Aren't you happy you're back?"

"With behavior like this, I don't know how I ever left," Elena deadpanned.

"So," Caroline drummed her fingers on the table and looked between Bonnie and Elena, obviously ready to move on from the current topic, "Is this the kind of lunch where we pretend like your aunt didn't force you back to Mystic Falls because Damon is a raging asshole, or can we cut the crap? Damon sucks and he's the reason you left. I don't think we should avoid that."

Elena blinked at the blonde in shock, stunned by how quickly she'd just switched gears. The heavy tension settled over them and they all fell silent. Elena was trying to come up with what to say. Bonnie and Caroline were just waiting for what she would say, cautiously watching her, and looking for a sign of where her head was.

"I was a willing participant, Caroline," she finally acknowledged, albeit quietly.

"Maybe in the sex, but not the proposal. It was a crappy thing to do, and you know it. You wouldn't have left otherwise. Don't sit here and defend him to me."

"You don't mean that," Elena tried to insist, but Caroline just shook her head. "Caroline, he's your brother-in-law and you love him."

"And look how well that's worked out for me."

"About as well as it's worked out for every other woman that's loved him," Bonnie murmured.

"Is this really what you want to talk about after I've been away for two weeks?"

Bonnie and Caroline looked at each other before looking back to Elena and simultaneously shrugging. "Pretty much," Caroline confirmed. "He didn't just tell you I'm pregnant or yell at you for Chicago. He slept with you and proposed to Andie. That's a big thing, Elena."

"Kind of aware of that."

"Then tell us how it happened, because we know nothing."

"Ask Damon," Elena told Caroline, crossing her arms over her chest in some false sense of defiance.

"I don't want to hear it from Damon. I want to hear it from you."

Elena sighed and made a silent plea to some unknown power above for the waitress to come over and distract Caroline and Bonnie, but seeing as she was currently taking orders from a large group, and Caroline and Bonnie were staring at her expectantly, she knew she was out of luck. She didn't want to get into the Damon story today. She wanted to have a fun lunch talking about Bonnie's boyfriend, and all the crazy things Caroline had gotten into in the past two weeks. She just wanted to have some fun with her friends.

"I don't know what to tell you."

"Tell me how you went from storming out of Alaric's bathroom that night, to sleeping with Damon. You looked like you didn't want anything to do with him."

"At that moment, I didn't." She could still remember how mad she'd been at him after their confrontation in the bathroom. She was mad and hurt that he was treating her that way because she kissed another guy. He had a girlfriend that he would then go propose to the next day, but because she kissed a guy, she was horrible. "He saw me kiss Colin, so he waited for me in Ric's bathroom to yell at me. That was what you interrupted that night, and that was why I stormed out."

"Wait a minute," Caroline interrupted her. "Rewind this back for me. You kissed Colin? How did I not know this?"

"Probably because you had your mouth fused to Stefan's most of the night? Also, I told you I kissed him. You know this."

"I'm pregnant and we had bigger fish to fry at the time. So, I forgot, sue me!"

"Well, now you remember. I kissed Colin."

"What was it like? Is he a good kisser? Have you talked to him? Tell me everything!"

"No, I haven't really talked to him, Caroline. I've had a few other things on my mind." She'd spoken to Colin twice since the night they kissed, but they were very brief conversations. Everything was fine with them, and she was sure she'd have dinner with him soon, but he knew that Damon was engaged and that something had happened between them to result in that engagement. So, like the stand up guy he was, he was giving her space.

Colin was everything she should want in a man. He was everything she needed in her life, but she knew they'd never take that step. He was a good friend, and she suspected that they'd remain friends for a long time, but that would be all. They both had a bad track record of relationships in their past that bonded them, and would probably keep them from ever doing anything beyond kissing after a few drinks.

"Does he know that you slept with Damon?" Bonnie wondered.

"No, but he knows that something happened that night. He said we'd talk about it whenever we saw each other next."

"So you two are fine?"

Elena nodded. "Yup, we're just sticking with the friends thing, and we're both okay with that."

"Then let's get back to Damon," Caroline insisted. "How did you go from making out with Colin to sleeping with Damon?"

"Damon did what he does best." She shrugged her shoulders. "He waited for me at my apartment and basically forced his way in when I told him to go home. We fought, I told him he was jealous, and then he kissed me. I tried to fight it, but with the way he looked at me, I wasn't strong enough. I love him, and because of that, I do stupid things."

"I won't argue with that," Bonnie mumbled.

"Really supportive there, Bonnie," Caroline griped. "Good job."

"I'm not saying anything she doesn't know. Elena doesn't exactly make good decisions where Damon is concerned. It's why I think she needs to drop the whole idea of being friends with him."

"Bonnie!" Caroline snapped.

"What?" Bonnie twisted her head to look at the glaring blonde.

"Remember what we talked about," she said through gritted teeth.

Elena watched the looks that passed between her best friends in growing confusion. Talked about what? What was Caroline getting at?

"I know what we talked about, but Elena's an adult. She doesn't need us to just sit here and listen. She needs advice from outside of her little bubble of confusion that Damon wraps her up in."

"What are you two talking about? Did you plan this conversation?"

"Caroline called me this morning to prep me on how this lunch should go. I think her plan is stupid, so I'm going with my own. You're an adult, you can hear the truth, and I don't think it's anything you don't know. You make stupid decisions where Damon is concerned."

"Okay, she gets it, Bonnie!" Caroline snapped.

Elena glanced nervously between her friends, finally piecing together what exactly was going on. Bonnie and Caroline were like night and day on most things, so it was only natural that they'd both want to approach this differently. Caroline always wanted to hear details and then bash the guy in question. She was the classic girlfriend that would hand you a bowl of ice cream and tell you that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. Bonnie, on the other hand, would be quick to point out the part you played in it, never scared to put a mirror in front of you. She was brutally honest at times, but she knew that Bonnie was always on her team, no matter how judgmental her words might sound sometimes. She was just blunt because she hated seeing her friends hurt, and wanted to try to make sure she wouldn't see it again.

"Hey, stop it." Elena reached both of her hands out in opposite directions to grab hold of their hands. "I don't need either of you to plan out how to talk to me. I just want you to be my best friends. Bonnie, I want you to be so honest it makes me cringe, and Caroline, I want to be able to cry over a bag of crazy unhealthy food, while you tell me that I'm amazing and every other corny line you can come up with."

Caroline sniffed and tried to blink back tears while she squeezed Elena's hand. "You are amazing, and Damon is an idiot for what he did. You're the best girl I know."

"She's right," Bonnie agreed. "You are amazing, and Damon is a jackass. No matter what I say, you know I'm on your side. You didn't deserve what he did to you."

The tears flooded Elena's eyes and she knew in this moment, that this was why she'd come back to New York. No matter how masochistic it might feel to put herself in the same area as Damon, she knew she couldn't really leave. Bonnie and Caroline were a part of her soul, and without them she wasn't really a person, and she knew the same was true for them. They all balanced each other out. They needed the others to really stay grounded. No matter who they would end up marrying, their lives wouldn't be complete if they didn't have each other.

"I love you guys," Elena choked out. "These two weeks without you have been horrible. I needed the time away to make sure I wouldn't run into Damon, and to try and get my head together, but I needed you both two. I always need you, and I won't push you away like I did before."

"We'd never let that happen again," Bonnie assured her, her voice now thick with tears. "You're stuck with us."

"Good." Elena didn't care that she was in the middle of a restaurant and that people were probably sending her questionable looks, wondering who the crazy lady was that was crying in the booth. "Because I have a broken heart and I just need my friends."

"And you have us." Caroline slid out of the booth and came over to the side with Elena and Bonnie. By some miracle, they all managed to squeeze in so Caroline could wrap Elena in her arms. "You'll always have us, no matter what."

Bonnie enveloped her from the other side and now all three women were huddled together in the booth, crying and also relishing in the fact that they were all together again. She knew that Bonnie and Caroline loved her, and though that was never in doubt, it never hurt to be reminded of the fact. She did have a broken heart right now, and it hurt like hell, but knowing she had her friends made it not seem quite so scary anymore.

They remained wrapped together until the waitress finally came over and asked them what they wanted to eat, quickly snapping them out of their tearful reunion. So, with the tears out of the way, they easily fell into their usual playful banter, picking on each other, and catching up on everything that had been happening since they'd last spoken.

Elena got updated on everything that was going on with Bonnie and her boyfriend. She found herself unable to keep from teasing her about being head over heels in love with Owen. Bonnie had never been focused on boyfriends before. She was a girl that focused on what she thought she needed to do, but Owen had crept in taken her by surprise. For the first time in her life, she was in love, and it was a magical thing to see.

Caroline really had seemed to reach new levels of crazy though. She was more than ready to get that baby out of her and into the world of the living. She felt miserably huge and she wanted everyone to know. She also shared that she and Stefan were still on shaky ground after Christmas, and she hadn't even seen Damon since that night.

It made Elena feel bad to know that she was the cause of this rift in their family, but she knew that she couldn't fix it. She also knew that they'd be fine soon enough. Despite Caroline's anger toward Damon, she did love him, and she wouldn't be able to stay mad at him forever. And Elena suspected that Caroline was just mad at Stefan about everything in general right now, because she was pregnant and he was not. She also suspected that this fight had been brewing for a long time between Stefan and Caroline. Stefan's loyalty laid Damon, while Caroline's was with Elena. She knew the topic of her relationship with Damon was something that had not been allowed in their house for a long time. They'd ignored the elephant in the room, but Christmas Eve had shone a light on it that couldn't be ignored anymore.

That was one of the big reasons both Caroline and Stefan had been so apprehensive of her dating Damon in the first place, but she hadn't listened. She'd allowed herself to get lost in him and this was ultimately where it got her. She wasn't proud of it, and she certainly didn't want things to continue on as they were. Too many people had gotten dragged into this, and she didn't want that to happen anymore. Not to mention, she just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't continue on this path with Damon. It had to be over. She wouldn't survive otherwise.

At some point, she'd have to talk to Damon and let him know that they had to cut all ties for good this time. There was no room for friendship or anything that would blur the lines right now. She needed him out of her life as much as she could get him out of it. The only problem would be getting him to actually do it. She had no idea where his head was at, but he probably wouldn't be okay with having nothing to do with her. Even when he'd been furious with her, he'd still wanted something to do with her. Damon was just a complicated man that wanted what he wanted no matter what anyone else wanted or thought.

It was a conversation she was dreading, and she didn't know how she'd build the courage to make herself go through with it. There was something about being in the same room with Damon that seemed to turn her universe on its ear and mess up everything inside of her head. He knew all of her weak spots and he wasn't scared to go for them. Whenever they had it, it would be rough.

She tried to focus her mind elsewhere though as she went home. It was only her first day back in New York, and there was no reason to bombard her brain with him if she could help it. Maybe tonight she would curl up with some manuscripts and takeout food. She just needed to try and keep her mind focused on healthy things right now. Work would be a nice distraction that she needed.

By the time she got off the elevator on her floor, she was anxious to put on her pajamas and curl up under a pile of blankets. This would be her first time being truly alone since Christmas Eve, and she wanted to take it easy. However, she came to a sudden halt as she rounded the corner in her hallway outside of her apartment. Leaning against her door, with his arms crossed loosely over his chest, was Damon. His eyes immediately swung to her frozen form, and widened as he pushed himself off the door and stepped toward her.

When she backed away from him he stopped in his place and released a quiet sigh, "Hey."

In the two weeks she'd been away, she had played every scenario in her head of how her first run-in with Damon would go once she was back in New York, but she had not prepared herself for this. She had planned for it to be at Caroline's house or when she had the baby. She hadn't once thought that he would be waiting for her at her door the day she got back.

"Damon," she whispered. Her chest constricted in anxiety and fear, but her hands ached to reach out and touch him, leaving her feeling betrayed by her own body. Her mind screamed at her to turn and run. Her body screamed for her to grab hold of him and haul him into her cold and lonely arms. Her heart merely shattered at the sheer pain of it all. She was not prepared for this.

His eyes raked over her body, from her loose jeans to her coat that seemed to bury her, but his eyes finally came to rest on her face once more. His eyes darkened and swirled with something she thought might be pain and confusion, but she did not think she could trust her own thoughts. They hadn't led her anywhere worthwhile in a long time.

The silence stretched on to the point where it became agonizing to remain frozen in front of him, but her vocal cords were paralyzed. She knew she could not speak even if her life depended on it in this moment. She was stuck and at his mercy, like she always seemed to be lately.

"You look good," he finally said. She continued to wordlessly stare at him, unsure of what to say or how to act. The last time she'd seen him she'd gone crazy in a roomful of their closest loved ones and told him he'd ruined her life. "How was Mystic Falls?"

Elena flinched at the question, put off by the mention of it. "How can you even ask me that?" she questioned. She hadn't been on vacation for two weeks, having a relaxing time with her family. She had been there because she was heartbroken and devastated over what he'd done to her. "In fact, how can you even have the guts to be here right now?"

Damon looked caught off guard at her newfound voice and apparent anger. "I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see me?" she repeated, dumbfounded by his answer. Two weeks away from everything in New York City and she still had just as little understanding for why Damon did what he did as before she left. There were so many different reasons that filtered through her head on a daily basis that she just couldn't settle on any of them.

When she first found out that he'd proposed, she'd believed he did it to hurt her. She truly believed that he had set out with the intention to manipulate her into believing they were moving toward something good again, only to rip the rug out from under her and crush her in the way she'd crushed him. After a few days back in Mystic Falls, she'd begun wondering if he'd been scared of what had happened, so he proposed to Andie to cling to the sense of safety she gave him.

Elena wasn't stupid. She knew a big part of Damon's relationship with Andie was about him wanting something different than he had with her, or even different than he had with Katherine. He'd had his heart broken by the last two women that he loved, so it would only be natural to gravitate toward a woman that didn't make him feel as out of control as Elena or Katherine had. However, she also didn't doubt that Damon loved Andie, and that was what led her to another reason for his behavior.

She wondered if maybe his relationship wasn't as based on safety as Elena thought, and that he maybe was truly over her, and it took sleeping with her again to understand he was done loving her. That belief often left her wondering why he had gotten so angry about the possibility of her moving on, and she would be forced to admit that Damon was jut a selfish man. He'd be the man that wouldn't want her anymore, but wouldn't want anyone else to have her either. He liked to have his cake and eat it too.

Every scenario often left her staring into space for extended periods of time, lost in a whirlwind of thoughts until someone would pull her out of them. It was actually how she had spent a lot of her therapy sessions, running through things in her head until her therapist would ask her if she was ready to elaborate on her thoughts. No matter how hard she tried, she found she never could elaborate on them very well, because at the end of it all, she'd never be able to figure it out on her own. Unfortunately, the truth would have to come from Damon. She just didn't think he'd ever give it to her, whether out of spite, denial, or simply not knowing the truth himself, she doubted that she'd ever get her answer.

Believing that, she said, "If you wanted to see me, you have, so you can go now." She stepped to the side and motioned down the hallway for him to leave.

He sighed and slowly nodded his head. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"I think that would be best."

She averted her eyes to the floor as he walked past her, unable to look at him when he was so close to her. His arm brushed against hers and she couldn't help but flinch at the contact.

With slow steps she approached her door and pulled her keys from her pocket. She had the key in the lock when Damon's voice softly behind her. "Elena, can we please just talk?"

"Damon," she whispered, "Why are you doing this?"

She heard his footsteps as he walked toward her, and his soft voice drifted to her ears. "I needed to see you."

"Please," she quietly began, but he grabbed her arm and gently turned her around to face him. "Damon."

She had to crane her neck to peer into his clear blue eyes. "I know I shouldn't be here," he acknowledged. "And I know about 10 people who would beat the crap out of me if they knew I were, but I had to come. I've tried to call you or ask Caroline about you, but you won't answer and she's not in a sharing mood. Please just talk to me."

Elena sadly shook her head. "We don't have anything to talk about."

"We have everything to talk about. Please," he begged, "Talk to me. Just give me this one thing and if you still hate me when it's all said and done, I'll leave you alone. If you want nothing to do with me, I'll give you that, but please just talk to me."

Elena looked down at his hand on her arm, resting softly against her like it belonged there, and somehow it still felt like it did. It still felt right in some part of her. She slowly nodded her head before she turned and unlocked her door. "Come in." She opened her door and walked inside. Damon silently followed her into the apartment.

The door closed a moment later and it ignited a new sense of fear and anxiety inside of her. It was hard to be in this apartment with him, when the last time she'd been in here with him they'd had sex, only for him to abandon her with no warning. Was there a protocol for having a conversation with your ex-boyfriend in the place you'd last had sex?

"Are you going to move home?"

She twisted around to face him. "You had to come speak to me the moment you knew I was back to make sure I was going to stay? That's what's so important?"

"It is important," he insisted. "I know what I did was wrong, but don't move back home because of me. Caroline needs you in New York."

"Don't you dare bring Caroline into this!" she snapped. "You have no right to talk to me about my friendship with Caroline. I talked to her every single day while I was away. If you think we haven't talked about this, you're delusional. And if you really expect me to believe that you came here to only talk about me moving here, you must think I'm delusional."

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized, holding his hands up in an act of surrender.

"You've said that to me a lot since you proposed, but you never actually follow it with much of anything. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, Damon. That doesn't do anything. So if this is all you have to talk about, just do us both a favor and leave."

"I just want to make it better."

With a quiet and sad voice, she said, "It's not going to get better."

Damon's face fell at her words and she knew he didn't want to hear that. He probably wouldn't want to hear anything that she had to say to him for a very long time, but she had to say it. Things had to finally be different with them.

"Are we still going to be friends?"

"We can't be friends, Damon. It doesn't work."

He stepped toward her. "We can make it work."

"We can't," she insisted. "It won't work, because we'll sleep together and then you'll go propose to someone who isn't me. I _can't_ be your friend."

"It wasn't like that!" Damon exclaimed. "God, I said I was sorry, and I just want to talk to you to make this better. What do I have to do to accomplish that?"

"You can't, Damon! That's what I'm trying to tell you!" Elena exclaimed. "Because I can't understand how you can propose to Andie after what happened with us and then have such a hard time understanding that I want nothing to do with you. I may have said some things I shouldn't have that night, but I said a lot of true things too, Damon. You broke my heart!"

Elena stumbled back, shocked by the words that had poured from her mouth.

"Tell me how to fix this. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it." He sounded so sincere and desperate that Elena wished she had an answer for him, but there wasn't one. At least, not one that he'd like. He wanted things better right this moment, but she couldn't give him that. She didn't know if she ever would be able to. She just knew that she needed time and she needed space away from him.

"I can't," she choked out, sadness bubbling up in her throat. "That's the problem, Damon. The second you proposed to Andie, you made sure that it wouldn't get better. You think you can apologize or find some magical words to fix all of this, but it's not that easy." Elena inhaled a shaky breath, trying to hold her composure for as long as possible. "Do you know what it felt like to wake up alone? I searched the apartment desperate to find you here, and when you weren't I spent hours convincing myself that it didn't mean anything bad. I told myself that you'd come back and tell me that you'd ended things with Andie. I thought that night meant something. Then, Caroline showed up and told me you'd proposed, and everything shattered. Every step forward I'd taken since I moved to Chicago was demolished with two words from my best friend, and you did that, Damon. _You_."

"I made a mistake."

"By sleeping with me or proposing to Andie?" she quickly countered, her voice soft and scared to hear what his answer would be.

She could see the hesitation in his eyes, and the quick rush of doubt that soon followed it. He didn't have an answer, just like she'd predicted. She didn't think he knew what his mistake was. He knew he'd made one, he just didn't know whether choosing Andie was the mistake, or if sleeping with her was.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, his head slowly shaking from side to side.

"I know." Her throat clenched tightly as she fought back the sob struggling to break free, but she couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer. She tried to blink them away until one finally slipped down her cheek.

Her heart pounded against her chest as he stepped forward, his hands reaching up for her face. She didn't turn away from him or try to stop him. As his hands softly cupped her damp cheeks, something broke and healed inside of her all at the same time. Her eyes fell shut and she tried to memorize this moment, burn it into her brain forever. She wanted to remember the feel of his hands on her skin, and the intoxicating scent of his cologne that wafted into her nose. She wanted to remember what it was like to have him so close she could feel him breathing. This might not ever happen again, and though he had broken her heart, she couldn't stop loving him yet, and there was simply something about this moment that she wanted to remember.

It was simple and complicated all at once, much like their relationship had been. He would leave her apartment and go back to his fiancé, this could be their final memory in her tiny apartment that was barely a step above the one she'd had when she as twenty-two. Though the pain would haunt her of how cold and broken she'd felt to find herself alone on that morning after the night they'd shared, she could hold onto this moment and tell herself that they weren't all bad. They were over and broken beyond repair, but there were still innately good parts to who they were together, and this moment spoke to that.

"I don't want to hurt you."

With eyes still closed, she whispered, "So let me go."

"How?"

Scared, she pried her damp eyes open to be faced with his crystal blue orbs. Though his face was blurry before her, his eyes still shone brightly through her tears. "I need you to not wait for me in bathrooms or follow me into bedrooms anymore. You can't show up at my apartment. You have to stop calling me. You have to stop coming to the bar. You can't get mad at me when I go on a date." She choked on her final words and a small whimper fell from her lips. "Just let me go."

He only held her face tighter in his hands as she finished speaking, while his own shook back and forth with jerky movements. "I don't know how to do that."

With shaky hands, she grabbed his hands on her face and pulled them away, but before she could let go, he twisted his fingers with hers, holding on tightly. She allowed him this for several moments before she forced herself to pull her hands free as she told him, "If you care about me like you say you do, you'll do this for me. Staying here is going to be nearly impossible if you don't."

He looked shell-shocked and worn, like she'd just dragged him through a war. His face fell and his eyes grew hollow as he stumbled backwards toward her door. "I'll leave you alone. If this is what you want, I'll do it."

"It's not what I want," she told him desolately, "But it's all I can get."

It was the last thing she wanted, and she suspected that they both knew that. She couldn't get what she wanted. She wanted him, and was no longer hers. For however long Andie was in the picture, and it looked like he was betting on forever, she'd never get what she wanted. The only other way she could get it would be to stop loving him, and that was where this request came in. To have a shot at ever loving anyone else, he had to be out of her life as much as she could get him out of it. She knew he'd never be completely gone, but she'd have to make do with what she had.

"I guess I'll see you around," he finally said as he got to the door. "Take care of yourself, Elena."

With that, he was gone, from her life and from her apartment. It would be hard and she would be lonely, but she had to do it. As much as she told him that he needed to let her go, she needed to let him go as well. They stopped working a long time ago, and she needed to let it all go.


	36. Love You Strongly

Author's Note: The chapter is finally here, folks! It's time for Sawyer's birth. In honor of this, there will be two chapters dedicated to it. I thought Caroline and Stefan deserved their own chapter for this and then there will be another chapter about Sawyer's birth, but from Damon's POV, to see more in depth on how he and Elena deal with it all. So, enjoy! I had so much fun writing this one. Thank you to Sandra and Daisy for being such a huge help through this. I'm already working on the next chapter, so it shouldn't be too long now!

**Chapter 35**

**I was made to love you strongly**

Caroline startled as her phone beeped in her purse, alerting her to a new text message. The noise or sudden movement, or maybe both, seemed to wake Sawyer, and moments later, his eyes fluttered open to reveal his baby blue orbs that seemed to be the owner of everything perfect in her life. She watched him for a moment, waiting to see whether he would begin crying again, but when his tiny mouth opened and a soft yawn fell from his lips before he seemed to snuggle deeper into her embrace, she released a sigh of relief.

The limo came to a stop outside of the church that Damon was supposed to be getting married in in an hour, and a sense of dread filled her. An hour still left a lot of time for things to happen in Damon's mind, and she wasn't particularly looking forward to the results of either decision. If he went through with this marriage, she would have a husband that had felt like he'd failed on some level, because he'd know that Damon wasn't completely happy, and she'd also have a heartbroken best friend. If he did what people were probably betting on him doing at this point, and called the whole thing off, a firestorm of anger would rain down on them all from Giuseppe.

Stefan slid out of the limo and held his arms out for Sawyer, so she could more easily climb out of the car. She carefully passed her son over to him, and quickly climbed from the limo. She reached out to retrieve Sawyer again, but Stefan stepped back and shook his head. "It's okay, I've got him," he insisted. "Your arms could use a rest."

"You just want to hog him now that he's not crying anymore." She and Stefan had a tendency of fighting about who got to hold Sawyer. They both wanted him all the time it seemed, and the other was always stealing him. "I'll let you get some time in with him, but only because I need to see what this text is about." She playfully stuck her tongue out at him before digging her phone out of her purse. She went to her inbox and soon realized it was a text from Bonnie. Hoping it might be some sort of news about what Elena was up to, she was anxious to see what it said, but as her eyes read over the words staring up at her, she could hardly believe it. "Those sneaky little—"

"What is it?" Stefan asked worriedly. "Something wrong?"

Caroline glanced back at Damon, who was deep in conversation with Alaric just outside the front of the church. Certain that he wasn't paying attention, she said, "Bonnie apparently got into Elena's credit card stuff and saw she bought a plane ticket to Nashville. They're leaving right now."

"I don't get it."

"Matt lives in Nashville, Stefan. If they're going there, they're going to see him. Or rather Elena is."

"Why would Elena go see Matt?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I'd call and ask her, but oh, wait, I can't! All she'd tell me when she talked to me on the phone was that she was leaving town for a few days, and Bonnie waited until they were about to take off to tell me that she was even involved. I'm stuck in the dark."

"I'm sure it's not what you think it is," Stefan assured her.

"I don't care what it is," she snapped. "Elena just had her heart stomped on by your brother. She needs to be here, not off in Podunk, Tennessee." Caroline rolled her eyes and threw her phone into her purse, not caring what it might hit. "This day is such a freaking disaster, Stefan. I don't think I can take this anymore. My best friend is off doing god know's what with her life right now, and your brother is about to ruin his."

"Hey," Stefan warned quietly, "I thought we agreed to stay out of this."

"On what planet are you living, that you think I'd ever agree to stay out of this. I know a few things about my labor have gotten fuzzy over the past few months, but I don't remember agreeing to anything."

The night she'd had Sawyer, she had reached her limit with trying to stay out of the whole debacle that Elena and Damon had gotten themselves into. She'd opened her mouth and let everything she thought come out. She didn't care how badly they didn't want to hear it. After reaming out a half-awake Damon, she'd told Stefan she'd let it go for the duration of her labor, not permanently. Then she had Sawyer and her plans seemed to fall to the roadside.

The moment they'd placed her son in her arms, everything else ceased to matter. Her life had been consumed with that tiny human in her husband's arms. It was only during the past couple weeks, when she could see tensions rising higher and higher, that she'd truly remembered her plan of action. In fact, she believed that she was a big reason that Elena went to Damon today. She hadn't meant for things to happen like this, but she knew she was partly responsible. Now she just had to figure out how to fix it.

"Oh, no you don't," Stefan warned, seeing the look on her face. "I see where your thoughts are going. Stay out of it, Care."

"He's your brother, Stefan. How can you ask me to stay out of this?"

"Because this is what he wants."

"You don't believe that for a second, and you know it."

"What I believe is that this isn't any of our business. Stay out of it; I'm serious."

As Caroline watched Damon coming toward them, a worried look on his face, she knew that she couldn't do what her husband asked. She couldn't stay out of this, not anymore.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked.

Before Stefan could come up with some stupid lie to tell Damon, Caroline blurted out, "Elena left town. She's going to see Matt."

Stefan's head dropped at her words, and his eyes closed in annoyance as he mumbled, "Son of a bitch."

"She did what?" Damon demanded, his eyes wide and panicky.

"You heard me. What are you going to do about it?"

* * *

><p>"Pajama bottoms? Check. T-shirts? Check. Nursing bras? Check. Underwear? Check. Slippers? Check. Toothpaste, toothbrush, and mouthwash? Check, check, and check. Phone charger? Check. Hair ties and hairbrush? Check and check."<p>

"Care?"

Startled, Caroline jumped and looked at her bedroom door, in the direction of Stefan's voice. "In the bedroom!" she called back.

Moments later, he appeared in the doorway, pulling his coat off. He smiled at her as he dropped the coat on the floor and kicked off his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the floor. Most days she would order him to pick his things up and put them where they belonged, but she had other things on her mind right now, and she wouldn't mind his help. She could complain later.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he sat down on the bed, taking in the array of items scattered around her.

"Making sure I have everything in my hospital bag. So, it's actually good that you're home now, because we need to make sure you have everything you need, too."

Stefan grabbed her list from her and scanned over the items. "I don't need anything except clothes and a toothbrush."

"No," Caroline snatched the list back from him to look at what she'd put down for him, "You need water, snacks, and a sleeping mask."

"Babe, I think the hospital is going to have food and water for me, and I don't need a sleeping mask."

"You can't sleep unless it's completely dark, and there's no way the hospital room is going to be completely dark, especially with nurses coming in and out throughout the night. Also, if you don't want to wait for nurses to get food and water for you, you better bring it, because if you think I'm letting you out of that hospital room while I'm in labor, you're out of your damn mind. For however long it takes me to have this baby, you're stuck to me like glue, with the occasional bathroom breaks."

"How are we supposed to update the family if I can't leave your side?"

"You can send a text message or call them. I don't care if you send a freaking carrier pigeon, you're not leaving my side."

Caroline knew she might sound a tad ridiculous, but she didn't care. She had never given birth before. She had no idea how long it would take, or how bad or well it might go. She wanted Stefan to be by her side through the whole thing. She wanted his support.

"Okay, okay," Stefan pushed the bag to the side of the bed so he could slide in front of her. He lifted his hands to gently cradle her face. "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do. It's gonna be fine."

As of last week, Caroline was well aware of the fact that she'd reached levels of being completely unbearable to be around. She felt like she couldn't possibly get any bigger than she already was. She was ready to have this baby out of her, but she also wanted him to stay in for a little longer. She was smart enough to know that all of the books she'd read and the advice she'd heard wouldn't be able to truly prepare her for giving birth, and she was just scared.

She was also scared for what would come after. She and Stefan had had more conversations than she could count about having a baby before she got pregnant, and they'd had tons of conversations since, but she was still nervous. Things were about to change in ways they wouldn't even be able to imagine. In a matter of days, this person that she'd been growing inside of her for nine months would be in her arms. He would be looking to her and Stefan to fulfill every single need he had, no matter the time of day.

Her relationship with Stefan as she knew it was about to be changed forever. It had been just the two of them for five years. They'd always gotten to be selfish with their time, and pick up to go on a random weekend vacation if they wanted to. There was never anyone they really had to think about but each other. Now, they were going to have a son to think about all the time. She was more than ready to meet her child, but the unknown was a scary thing, and she knew Stefan felt the same way.

His mother had died when he was a little boy, and then his father completely checked out. He didn't have that role model of what a good dad was supposed to be, and that scared him.

In the middle of Stefan's eloquent speech, there was a swift kick to the middle of her belly. Though her son now felt huge inside of her and his kicks were definitely powerful, she couldn't help but smile. "Someone's awake." She grabbed Stefan's hand and placed it over the spot where she was sure she would be kicked again in a matter of moments. Her son was a kicker and a puncher. He wanted her to know he was in there at all times.

There was no movement for a few moments, and she could see the signs of disappointment forming on Stefan's face when suddenly, both of their son's little feet pounded against her. "There he is." A broad smile spread over Stefan's face, and it made her heart swell with love. Stefan had a tendency to be a bit of a brooder sometimes, always concerned with other people's problems and wanting to take care of everyone, so when he smiled, it filled her heart with love. Seeing him smile because of their son, only served to make her fall more in love with him than she thought possible.

"I think he's saying hi to you."

Stefan leaned forward, placing his face right in front of her stomach, his grin still firmly in place. "Hey buddy, how you doing in there? You ready to come out yet? You have to be running out of room."

"He ran out of room a month ago," Caroline interjected.

Stefan glanced up at Caroline, a playful spark in his eyes. "Maybe he's not coming out because he doesn't have a name." He focused his attention back on her stomach. "Are you waiting for your mom to get it together and decide on a name? I think she should pick one. I'd like to call you something other than buddy or he."

"Tell your father to stop picking stupid names and I'll name you."

"I am picking classic names, Caroline. They are from some of the most known works of literature in the history of the world."

Caroline lovingly rolled her eyes and questioned her stomach, "Do you want to be named Huck, after Huckleberry Finn?" The question received a firm kick to her stomach. "That's what I thought."

"And what makes you think that was a 'no'?" Stefan asked her.

"Our son is living inside of my body, I think we're very in tune with each other. That was an 'absolutely not'."

"What do you think about Oliver, little man? You like that?" He stared in anticipation at her stomach for several moments, but no kick ever came. Finally, he looked back up at her, a smile on his face. "I think he likes it."

"No he doesn't," Caroline insisted. "He's just not justifying that with a response. Trust me, I know these things."

"Oh," Stefan smirked and sat up straight, "You do, do you?"

"Yeah." She shook her head, while fighting the smile that was desperately trying to find it's way back onto her face. "I know my child."

Stefan began to slowly shake his head. "You little minx. He is not even born, and you're already using our child to fight your battles for you."

"I would never!" she exclaimed and clutched her hand to her chest. "How could you say such a thing?"

"I don't know, how could I ever get an idea like that?" he teased. "It's not like you've ever done something of the kind before."

"I did not!" Caroline hotly denied, knowing exactly what past conversation he was referring to. "Elena hated those suits as much as I did."

"And she hadn't been encouraged by anyone to vocalize those thoughts? Quite loudly if I remember."

Caroline pursed her lips at the mention of the teeny-tiny manipulation she might have done with him in regards to his suit for the wedding. They'd been absolutely horrible for the entire scheme she'd planned though, and Elena had agreed. She thought they weren't a good choice either, but she hadn't wanted to voice her opinion because it wasn't her wedding. It was only at some gentle nudging on Caroline's part that she vocalized these thoughts to Damon and Stefan and convinced them to get a different suit. One that Caroline may or may not have told Elena to suggest.

"I'm sorry that I cared about what our wedding pictures looked like. Those outfits will live on forever, and I was just making sure they'd live on timelessly and not infamously. Forgive me for caring about fashion."

"And Elena was going on pure, best friend instinct when she helped me pick out your engagement ring, of course. You'd never pointed a ring out to her before, you know, just in case I might propose." Stefan's face inched closer to her with each word he spoke, the smile remaining wide and filled with glee. When his breath brushed gently over her lips he whispered, "Just give it up, babe." He placed a soft and swift kiss on her parted lips. "You use others to further your own agenda."

"You make me sound like a manipulative shrew," she whined.

"Not manipulative, and not a shrew," he assured her softly. "You're just very certain about what you want. I happen to like you like that."

"Well that's good," she deadpanned and pointed to her stomach, "Cause it would kind of suck at this point if you didn't."

As Stefan stared at her while his hands absentmindedly rubbed her stomach, she couldn't help but think back on everything they'd gone through to get to this point. She'd been twenty when she first saw him stand up in the back of that class on the first day, and something had clicked inside of her. To this day, she couldn't explain it, but when he gave that self-depreciating smile of his that she now knew to be a sign of his extreme nerves, and his hand awkwardly shot through the air as he waved and introduced himself as the teaching assistant, she knew that she had to meet him.

There had been nothing romantic or suave about their first meeting. She'd pretty much thrown herself at his feet after class, only for him to tell her that it wasn't going to happen. The rejection had stirred up a few insecurities she'd carried with her through most of her life, feelings of never being good enough, but then the semester started to tick by and the more she saw of him, the bigger her crush grew. Elena and Bonnie told her she was masochistic, but there had just always been something about him that she couldn't deny.

One day, over a month into the semester, a paper had been handed back to the class, but she didn't get hers, which she'd known she turned in. So she went up to him after class, knowing he was the one who graded them, and asked him about her paper. He watched to see that everyone was out of the room before he pulled her paper from his folder and looked down at it.

When he looked back up at her, a knowing, yet confused look in his eyes, and pondered that she was a lot different than people let on, she had been confused. She had no idea what she could have written in her paper that would make him say that, but months later, when they were in love and practically inseparable he finally told her that he'd known he was wrong about her when he read the paper.

"You know I still have that paper," he confessed.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "How? Didn't you give it back to me?"

"Well, if I remember correctly, between the yelling at me that you hadn't had someone else write your paper, and then telling me to wear red to that stoplight party, when I told you I was single, you never got your paper back. I was going to give it to you later, but then I walked you home, and I couldn't bring myself to give it back to you." He brushed a few unruly blonde strands of hair behind her ear and gently held her face in his hand, rubbing his thumb softly over her cheek. "That was the first part of you that you ever gave me, and I wasn't about to give it away."

"I can't believe you've kept it after all this time."

"It's a part of you, and I want every part of you that I can get."

Caroline closed the small distance between them and captured his lips. In moments like this, when they were allowed to shut out the world, she was filled with so much love for him that she didn't know what she would ever be able to do with all of it. With Damon, Elena, and his father, things got tense and rough sometimes between them, but when they were allowed to just _be_, they were perfect.

Stefan's hand roamed down her stomach, to the hem of her shirt. He began to pull it up when she hissed and pulled away from him. A wave of pain hit her and she squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a soft whimper. "Ouch."

"Care, what's wrong?" Stefan's voice was filled with worry and fear. She could feel his hands move back to her stomach and nervously feel it; to see if something was different. "What's happening?"

She kept her eyes closed for several more seconds, trying to breathe through the pain until it finally subsided. Once it was gone, she quickly relaxed and opened her eyes to find Stefan's fearful ones on her. "That one hurt."

"_That one_?" Stefan repeated, his voice raising slightly in panic. "What do you mean, that one? Are you having contractions?"

She grimaced at the sound of accusation in his voice. "Maybe, just a little."

"What?" he nearly shouted. "You're in labor and you didn't tell me? How long has this been going on? Have you been timing them? Has your water broke?"

"Stefan," she cut off his rambling by placing her hand over his mouth, "It's okay. I've been having contractions for a few hours now. At first, they were fifteen minutes apart, and now they're about 10 minutes apart. They're roughly thirty seconds long. Do you promise not to freak out if I remove my hand from your mouth?"

He mutely nodded his agreement, eyes wide, but the moment she lowered her hand, he shouted, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"They're still so far apart. I figured I'd wait until they got closer before I said anything."

"You can't go into labor and not tell me, Caroline."

"It's not _labor_ labor," she tried to rationalize with him.

"You're having contractions," Stefan argued. "That's _labor_ labor. We have to call your doctor, let her know, finish packing your bag, tell everyone who needs to know."

Caroline rolled her eyes and shook her head, slightly frustrated with his level of freaking out. If this was how he was going to behave when they were in the hospital actually having the baby, she was scared. She needed him to be the strong Stefan that she married, the one that totally and completely supported her through _her_ freak outs. She couldn't have a baby and take care of him at the same time.

"You need to calm down," she sternly told him. "You were with me at the doctor's yesterday, and she told us not to go to the hospital until contractions were five minutes apart and about a minute long. I'm not even close to that right now. Things are fine. _I'm_ fine."

Stefan's green eyes swirled in a storm of worry, but he remained silent for several moments, and she simply watched him internally work through his fear. He was like an open book to her, one she'd read from cover to cover fifty times, and that she knew better than she knew herself. He was scared; she could see that clear as day. She'd often worried how he would actually handle this all when the time came.

He was a protector; always out to take care of those he loved. Being the woman who he loved more than anything or anyone in this world, she knew his desire to protect and save her ran deep. So, she was unsure of how he would react when the time came that he would have to see her in pain, and be able to do nothing about it. She trusted that when the time came and she needed him beside her, he would not let her down. She merely had to be the one to take care of him right now, and when the roles were reversed in a few hours, he would return the favor.

"Okay," he finally sighed and his posture relaxed enough for her to relax with him.

She reached out and gently ran her thumb over the worry line between his eyebrows, until he closed his eyes and blew out another deep breath. "Baby, this is going to be fine," she assured him. "We're prepared for this." She glanced down at the various items scattered around her on the bed. With a chuckle, she looked up at him again and shrugged. "Well, we will be once I get this bag packed. So you need to go get what you are going to need at the hospital."

Stefan nodded his head and slid to the edge of the bed to stand up. He turned to face her. "So, I'll go get some things together that I'll need for the hospital, and you'll continue timing your contractions. Then we'll reconvene at around six. Sound good?"

"We're having a baby, Stefan, not going on some secret undercover mission."

Stefan came around the side of the bed so he could lean down and turn Caroline's face up toward his. "I'm going to remember all this lip you threw at me when you're begging to squeeze my hand in a few hours."

Caroline grabbed hold of his face in her hands to hold it in place above hers. "We'll see who's begging who to hold their hand." She tugged his face down to hers and gave him a quick kiss before jokingly shoving him away. "Now go get food and whatever else you need. I'm not joking about refusing to let you leave my side."

She smiled and watched him leave, before shaking her head and going back to her task at hand. If labor continued to move like it had been, they'd be in the hospital before too long. She needed to make sure her bag was packed, she was showered, and completely ready.

Thanks to the intense case of nesting she'd had over the past few weeks, everything in the house was ready for the baby. Despite the threat of divorce papers, she had rearranged the nursery for the hundredth time. All of the baby clothes had been washed and put away, along with all of the bedding for the crib. The bassinet was set up in their bedroom, so he could stay in their room for as long as they wanted him to. Their house was officially ready for a baby. Now she just needed to make sure she was.

For the next forty-five minutes, she went about making sure she had everything she needed for her hospital bag. Right when she had placed the last item in the bag, Stefan reentered the room, a small plastic bag in his hand and a few bottles of the cold coffee drinks he liked. "How you doing in here?" he asked her as he handed her what he'd decided he needed. Have your contractions gotten closer together?"

"They're about nine minutes apart," she told him while finding room for his stuff in the nearly full bag.

"How's the pain?" He retrieved the bag from her and set it beside her nightstand.

"Not the best feeling in the world, but I'm hanging in there. They're mostly really uncomfortable." As if to illustrate this point, another contraction hit her. She went still and clenched her eyes shut to try and focus on her breathing. In the midst of her pain, she felt the bed dip and Stefan's hands began to massage her back. When the pain faded yet again, she relaxed and allowed herself to fall back against Stefan. "This having a baby thing is no joke."

"How far apart was this one from the last?"

Caroline glanced down at her phone sitting next to her. "Eight and a half minutes."

"So what do we do now?"

"Keep timing them. We aren't supposed to go in until they're at least five minutes apart for an hour. I guess we'd go in if my water broke, but it hasn't."

"How do you suggest we pass the time?"

"Figure out a name? He does have to have one. Now might be the time to give him one."

"That will definitely pass the time." Stefan leaned over and retrieved a notepad and pen that Caroline always kept on the nightstand. "We might not be married anymore at the end of this, but it will occupy us."

And for five hours, well into the night, it did pass the time. Between every contraction, they would bicker and throw the occasional piece of rumpled up paper at each other. As each contraction grew in intensity Stefan's worry only mounted, but he never let it show. It was hard to watch her go through more and more pain with each passing minute, knowing that he couldn't take the pain away from her. He stayed by her side and did everything she asked of him, from rubbing her back to her feet and even running a bath for her when the contractions were six minutes apart. The water helped some, but soon the contractions were five minutes apart, and there was little he could do to help her other than support her.

And finally, after a particularly painful contraction, Caroline pried her eyes open that were not filled with the normal joy and love that he was used to seeing. She was tired and disheveled, beyond caring about how her hair looked or whether her makeup was perfect. The only thing she cared about right now was this baby. And him, all he cared about was her and this baby.

"Okay," she breathed out, "Get the hospital bag, it's time to go to the hospital."

Ecstatic that she'd finally given him the go ahead for them to go to the hospital, Stefan rolled from the bed and jumped to his feet. If she'd told him they could, he would have had her in the hospital at the sign of the first contraction. He knew that they weren't supposed to go that soon, and that the hospital would have tried to send him home, but he didn't care.

There were very few occasions in his life where he felt comfortable with his last name helping him out in a situation, but this is one instance he would have used his last name to get whatever he wanted at that hospital. He'd do anything Caroline wanted him to do, and if she had wanted that, he would have done that. Staying home was what she'd wanted though, and now that she wanted to go to the hospital, he wasn't about to sit around and second guess her. They were going, and they were going now.

They made their way to the hospital in just under thirty minutes and were soon admitted into labor and delivery. This was no false alarm. It was the real thing, which was good, because they'd already called everyone and told them to get to the hospital. If it had been fake, he figured their friends and family would probably hate them for dragging them out of the house at eleven at night.

Stefan had just gotten Caroline situated in the room when his phone rang and he looked down to see it was Damon. "What?" he barked out, not in the mood for whatever other stupid questions his brother had. There were more pressing things going on in his life at the moment.

"What room are you in? I'm totally lost."

"How can you be lost? There are signs everywhere."

"I don't know, Stefan. I'm used to having a GPS when I go somewhere I'm not familiar with. I have no idea where I am."

"You're worthless," Stefan mumbled before looking down at Caroline, who was happily chewing on her ice chips provided by one of the nurses. "Damon's lost in the hospital. I'm going to go help him find the room."

Caroline glared at Stefan and rolled her eyes. "This is the one and only time you get to leave my room." She glanced at the clock on the wall and then back at him. "You have four minutes before another contraction. I suggest you run."

And run he did. Caroline couldn't help the chuckle that fell from her lips as she watched Stefan rush from the room, barking out a command for Damon to tell him where he was immediately because he didn't have time to screw around. She wasn't lying when she told Stefan he didn't get to leave her side during labor, but she'd allow it this one time and have fun while she was at it.

"Knock-knock," a quiet voice rang out as the door to the room opened and Elena slipped in with a tired Bonnie behind her. "Word is you're having a baby tonight." She smiled at Caroline and gently closed the door behind her.

"That's the plan." Caroline ran her hands over her rounded belly, a wide smile on her face. "At least, that's what he seems to want. If he puts me through all this pain only to take a break, forcing me to get a caesarian, we're going to have to have a talk."

"Nice to know labor hasn't changed you in the least," Bonnie joked tiredly.

Elena cautiously walked further into the room until she came to the end of Caroline's bed. "Have you gotten an epidural yet?" she asked.

"Nope," Caroline immediately replied, "And I'm not going to. You seriously think that I'm about to let someone come near my spine with a needle that big?"

It was true, Caroline was petrified of needles. She was petrified of pain as well, but her fear of needles won out. She was the last of her friends to get her ears pierced for that very reason, and then she'd had to have her mom hold her hand. It had also been the major downside of her pregnancy. No one had ever told her how many times she'd have to get stuck with a needle while growing a baby, and she was not pleased with it. If she was given an option to have a needle shoved in her back and to not have one shoved in her back, she was taking the second option every single day.

"Are you out of your mind?" Bonnie came forward then, her eyes wide. "You know this whole labor thing is supposed to be painful? You're going to do it without any help?"

"I've been in labor for like eight hours. Kind of caught onto the painful part a long time ago. It sucks, but have you read about the side effects of an epidural? It could take my pain away, but then make my labor last longer. I'm not doing this for a second longer than I have to."

"You're crazy."

"Nice to know my being in labor hasn't changed you in the least," Caroline repeated Bonnie's previous words back to her with a slight twist.

"Where's Stefan?" Elena looked around the empty room.

Caroline rolled her eyes, feeling her irritation with her husband come back all over again. "Bringing Damon to the room, because apparently he can't find his way around a hospital. I swear if Damon tries to pull Stefan from this room again, I'll hit him. Stefan isn't allowed to leave this room once he steps back in here."

"What if he gets hungry?"

"That's why I had him bring snacks and drinks for. I'm not joking. He's glued to my side the moment he comes back. And if he doesn't like that, he should've had a baby in the 50's when the husbands weren't allowed back in the delivery room." At that moment another contraction began. "Here, now," she snapped, reaching her hand out for whoever would grab it. In an instant she felt Elena's hand slide into hers and she instructed, "Put your hands on my lower back and push."

She placed her free hand on her back to show Elena where to push. Her hands were timid on her back at first, but soon pushed firmly. "Like this?" she asked.

"Little more pressure." Soon she felt just enough relief to make the contraction slightly more bearable and she focused on breathing and trying to get through it. Her brain that normally ran at a mile a minute now seemed to pause mid-thought. Everything fell from her brain and all she could focus on was this contraction. "Now that that's over, let's chat."

She could see the surprise and confusion on Elena and Bonnie's faces at how quickly she'd bounced back from the contraction, but it wasn't that hard. Once the pain was gone, it was easy for her body to relax again and return to normal. She knew it wouldn't be like this through all of labor, but she was okay between the contractions for now.

"What do you want to talk about?" Bonnie asked.

"Elena and Damon."

"Caroline," Bonnie warned softly. "You're in labor, let's not talk about this stuff."

"No, we have to talk about it, because I'm going to have a baby in a few hours. I don't know when I'll get to talk about this again, and the longer I wait, the less time there is."

Elena looked at her nervously. "What are you talking about?"

"They set the wedding date." Elena's eyes widened at the news. "They're getting married at the beginning of May."

"That's three months away."

Caroline could understand the shock Elena felt. Damon and Andie had barely been engaged, and now they were getting married in just a few months. This was why she couldn't keep her mouth shut anymore. She'd tried to bite her tongue for as long as she could, but she couldn't do it anymore. Maybe it was the fact that she was in labor or maybe it was that she wanted everything to be right. She had tried to stay out of things and everyone had tried to keep her out of them, but it had gotten everyone absolutely nowhere.

"Damon's still in love with you," she blurted out, unable to hold it in for a moment longer. "I haven't said anything because I was stupid and listened to Stefan when he told me it wasn't my place, but Stefan isn't having this baby, I am, so I get to say what I want about whatever I want. What I want to say happens to be about you and Damon. I am still furious with him for what he did to you, and I still think you are an idiot for running off to Chicago, but what's done is done, so we all need to focus on the here and now. The here and now is that he's still in love with you, but he's too damn stupid, stubborn, and scared to do anything."

"Caroline, stop!" Elena pleaded. "Damon and I are over."

"No, you're not," Caroline insisted.

"We are!" Elena nearly shouted, but quickly calmed herself back down to softly apologize. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to get upset, but we are. I didn't tell you this because I didn't know how, but he was waiting for me after we had lunch when I got back from Mystic Falls. He apologized and tried to make things better, but I sent him away. I told him to leave me alone, to stop calling me, showing up at my place, or following me into deserted rooms. I can't do this anymore Caroline. We have to be over."

"I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. He loves you and you love him."

"But he's marrying Andie. He wants to be with her, not me. So do me a favor and let this all go, because I can't do this anymore."

"I don't care if he's marrying the most gorgeous woman on the face of this planet, he loves you. Don't let go of that."

"I have to," Elena hissed. "For my sanity, I have to let go of it."

"He's not going to marry her if I have anything to say about it."

Elena's retort was poised and ready at the tip of her tongue when the door opened and she saw Stefan step into the room, Damon right behind him. Stefan rushed to Caroline's side, a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay? Did anything happen while I was gone?"

"Just a contraction or two," she answered distractedly, her eyes glued to Damon and Elena.

Elena watched Damon shut the door, a pained and longing look in her eyes, but it vanished the moment he turned and looked at her. Her eyes quickly found the floor and her hands fiddled nervously behind her back. Damon stood frozen in front of the door, watching Elena, his hands fidgeting at his sides, as if he were trying to resist the desire to reach out and touch her. He looked like there were so many things he had to say to her, but he said none, and after a few moments, his gaze swung to Caroline.

"How's my favorite sister-in-law doing? I take it labor is for real this time since you're in a hospital room."

"You bet this is the real thing. He's coming out whether he likes it or not."

Almost as if proving a point, she felt another contraction come on. Stefan, knowing the signs at this point, was quick to react, doing what he could to help her in any way possible. The pain was the worst thing she'd ever felt, and while a part of her just wanted to scream from the agony of it all, she remained silent. She couldn't seem to open her mouth and make any noise other than a small whimper. She didn't have the capacity right now.

When the pain subsided she looked up to find her three guests wide eyed and seconds away from making a run for the door. Bonnie was the only one who said anything though. "I think this might be a good time for Elena and me to go get some caffeine. Any takers?" She waited a few moments for an answer, but when everyone shook their heads, she grabbed Elena's hand and rushed toward the door.

"I like where her head's at." Damon smirked at the door Bonnie had just slammed behind her in her haste to leave the room. "Can I leave now too?"

He started to step backward toward the door, but Caroline held her hand up, signaling him to stop. "Not so fast. You and I have a few things we need to discuss."

"Right now?" He took in all of the tubes and equipment surrounding her, a confused look in his eyes. "Don't you want to talk after you're done having a kid?"

"No, because I can't force you to sit and listen to me like I can now. I'm in labor, which means you have to do what I say when I say it. Right now, I'm telling you to shut up and listen."

"Caroline, I don't think this is the best idea," Stefan spoke quietly from behind her.

She turned to him and scoffed. "I'm sorry, are you in labor right now without the assistance of an epidural?" When he shook his head she said, "Didn't think so. Now shut up please."

"Okay, Blondie," Damon interrupted her staring session with her husband, "Just get it out before another contraction. I'd like to see as little of this labor as possible."

"You asked for it," she warned before she launched into the mini-monologue she planned all of fifteen minutes ago. "You're being stupid and you need to wake up. Proposing to Andie was one of the stupidest things you've ever done in your life, and I'm tired of acting like I'm okay with it. I get it, you're an adult and you can make your own choices no matter what I think, but I get to state my opinion, and my opinion is that this engagement is a huge farce. You love Andie, but you are not in love with her. No, you're in love with Elena, and you need to pull your head out of your ass before you destroy everything in your life because you're too scared to take Elena back."

"I'm not discussing this with you," Damon tried to tell her, but she cut him off before he could leave or say anything else.

"You slept with my best friend and proposed to another woman the next day. You're damn sure discussing this with me. You think you're doing something noble by proposing to Andie and marrying her. Somewhere in that messed up head of yours, you think this is your way of not hurting her, but let me tell you something, Damon. Marrying a woman you're not in love with, while leading her to believe you are, is the worst thing you can do. If you marry her, you will break her heart one day, mark my words."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't think you want to play that game with me, Damon. We both know how much I know exactly what I'm talking about."

"What is that supposed to mean, Care?" Stefan questioned, now curious about the conversation going on in front of him, wondering what he was being kept in the dark about.

"Damon and Elena sleeping together wasn't something that happened out of the blue," Caroline revealed. "I caught them holding hands in our guest bedroom on Halloween, and I know that's not the only time they've been in there together. That's like their secret hiding spot. He's spent months finding excuses to show up at her apartment and the bar so he can see her, even if it's just to be mean to her. He got mad when she kissed Colin; so mad he waited for her in a bathroom until she came in. He still has voicemails Elena left him when she was in Chicago. And he still has the letter Elena wrote to him the night she left, but he hasn't read it."

Damon stiffened at Caroline's words and she could see the anger building inside of him. "How do you know half of this?"

"I'm not blind," she shot back at him.

"No, but you're nosy. Stop going through my things!"

"I found out about the voicemails by accident, and I wasn't sure about the letter until just now. Thanks for confirming my suspicion for me."

"I cannot believe you," he mumbled under his breath. She could see the tension rolling off of him in waves, but she didn't care. She'd held so much of this inside for so long she finally had to get it all out, consequences be damned.

"It's for your own good, Damon."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know that you love and Elena and that she loves you. If both of you would grow the hell up everything would be fine. Get some therapy, go on a vacation on a deserted island for a couple weeks, hash out all of your drama, and figure this all out. You can make it work. You just have to wake up and realize it."

"There's nothing to wake up about, Caroline. I'm marrying Andie, end of story."

"You're gonna break her heart, Damon. Just like you broke Elena's. Fix this before it's too late."

"There's nothing to fix. I'm happy, Caroline, accept that."

"I'm not accepting any of this. You're making a mistake, Damon. One you will regret for the rest of your life."

Damon took a step toward the bed. "Okay, let's say for a moment I do what you say and end things with Andie, it won't fix things with Elena. She wants nothing to do with me. It hasn't even been a month since she told me she wanted nothing to do with me."

"Elena wants everything to do with you, but she's too scared to try, because last time she did, you went out and proposed to Andie. It makes a girl a little gun shy. If you went to her and told her the truth, she'd take – OW!" Another contraction hit, effectively ending her rant toward Damon. Anything she had to say to him disappeared from her mind until the contraction was over. By the time she opened her eyes and looked back up, Damon was gone. "Son of a bitch."

Stefan stood up from his spot behind her on the bed and moved in front of her. He sat down again and rested his hands on her legs. "Okay, I don't know what kind of mission you're on tonight, but I'm ending it now. This is not the time to go around trying to fix everyone's lives."

"I've waited too long already, Stefan," she argued with him. "Damon's already set the date for the wedding. We're running out of time here."

"_We're_ not running out of anything. It's Damon's life, and he can do whatever he wants."

"You hate the idea of this wedding as much as I do."

"It doesn't matter what I feel, Caroline. I have to stand by him."

Stefan couldn't sit in front of his wife and say that he agreed with Damon's decision, but he wasn't going to try and stand in the way of it. While he knew his relationship with Caroline was different than his brother's and Andie's, he knew how devastated he would have felt if Damon had ever suggested that he should not go through with his marriage to Caroline. If Damon had told him before he got married that he thought he was making a mistake, he would have felt betrayed by his brother. He couldn't do that to him. He didn't have to act like he was okay with everything, but he could keep his thoughts to himself. Knowing Damon that was all he'd really want anyway.

"This is how you stand by him. Standing by someone means sometimes telling them what they don't want to hear so they won't ruin their life."

"How about we table this discussion until you're not in labor anymore? Let's just focus on having this baby."

"This is the only time I get to say this, Stefan. They have to listen to me when I'm in labor."

Stefan paused for a moment, thinking of a different tactic to use to get Caroline off the topic of Damon and Elena. He understood she was passionate about this, and she thought she was doing what was best for everyone, but this was not the time. She had given him the job of being her birth coach, and he was going to follow through, whether she liked it or not. He could play ruthless too, especially when it came to doing something for _her_ own good.

"Think about the leverage you'll have once we have the baby. I know we don't have him yet, but I have a feeling if we put him in anyone's arms, they'll listen to anything we say."

Caroline pondered his suggestion for a moment. "I didn't think of it that way."

"So, we're dropping this?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're dropping this."

"Good," he sighed in relief. "Now let's figure out how to get this labor moving along."

"They told us walking was good," she reminded him. "I guess we could go for a leisurely stroll with a few contractions thrown in there."

"You think you can walk?"

"They're contractions, Stefan, I'm not paralyzed." She nudged his arm. "Let's go. I'm ready to have a baby."

"Well, if you insist."

Stefan helped Caroline to her feet and out into the hallway where they walked for some time before they ran into Elena, who was coming to check on them. Caroline's contractions were closer together now and more painful, but she was happy to see her friend, happy that Elena wanted to be around for this. He knew Caroline had been scared of how Elena would deal with the pregnancy and subsequent birth of their child. Elena might not be his favorite person, but he couldn't deny the empathy and sadness he felt for her on this night.

She followed them back into the room, where she stayed with them for a while, trying to keep Caroline amused through everything. She kept a good game face on between Caroline's contractions, but he didn't miss the sea of pain she seemed to be floating in when Caroline was in the middle of a contraction. He believed a part of it was due to seeing her friend in pain, but he knew a big part of that pain was seeing Caroline go through something she never got to.

He didn't think he'd ever forget the night he'd run with Damon into that bathroom, scared that something might be wrong with his wife, only to find a bleeding Elena passed out on the floor. He'd known the moment he took in the scene on that bathroom floor that nothing would ever be the same again, and it hadn't. When he'd been outside of that hospital with his brother who was breaking down, his wife had been inside of it, curled up in bed with her best friend. She rarely ever spoke of that night, neither of them did, but when she did, she'd often say that something broke inside of Elena that night. She swore that she'd looked in Elena's eyes in that hospital room and seen something die behind her eyes.

"Come here." Caroline motioned for Elena to come sit on the bed with her between contractions. She obliged and moved from the small couch by the window over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I don't want you to think I'm pushing you. I just want you to be happy."

Elena reached out for Caroline's hand. "I am happy. I don't need you to worry about me."

"No you're not," Caroline cried. "You're sad and you have a broken heart. You're just telling me you're happy because I'm having a freaking baby that refuses to come out, and I can't get the nurses to leave me the hell alone or stop touching me during contractions, when I keep telling them not to."

"Caroline," Elena laughed, despite her attempts not to. "You are the only person I know who would try to conduct business from your hospital room during labor, like the Godfather."

"I'm special like that," she joked right as another contraction came on, causing Stefan to jump back into his job of helping her through it.

He saw Elena step away from the bed and glance at the door, and he motioned toward the door. "Go," he whispered, wanting to end her misery for her. She was staying because she was a good friend, but he felt that this was beginning to border on torture. "It's fine," he insisted when she shook her head. "Tell everyone it shouldn't be too much longer anymore."

Sure enough, not twenty minutes after Elena left, did the doctor and nurses come in.

Her doctor stood at the end of the bed as she slipped her gloves on. "Okay, Caroline, since your water hasn't broken, I'm going to go ahead and break that, and then we'll pretty much be good to go for the rest of this thing. You ready?"

Caroline's wide eyes met his and she shook her head like she wasn't ready. "Not yet."

"What do you mean not yet?" he asked her, shocked that she wasn't ready considering how much pain she was in, especially since not five minutes ago, she was complaining about the baby not coming out.

"We can't have him without giving him a name. What kind of message will that send to him? He'll think we don't care."

"I don't think he's going to remember that it took us time to settle on a name for him."

"Stop trying to be reasonable with me!" she snapped.

"Okay, Caroline, you ready to have this baby?" her doctor asked again as she took her position at the end of the bed, seemingly oblivious to the disagreement between him and Caroline, or she simply didn't care. He was going to bet she didn't care. She probably saw things like this on a daily basis. He doubted he and Caroline were anything original to her at this point.

"Is there any way we can postpone this for a little bit longer?" she questioned, somewhat pitifully.

"I don't think we have that option anymore. Your little boy is ready to meet you. So, I'm going to break your water, and I think you'll be ready to push really soon after that."

"He's not going to want to meet me once he realizes we don't have a name for him," she cried out, but before anyone could try to reason with Caroline further, Stefan felt her hand squeeze down on his hand and he knew she was having a contraction. "Why did we do this?" she groaned. "Why couldn't we name him? Why am I scared of needles?"

Stefan watched her writhe in pain and it almost broke his heart to watch her cry out in agony. He'd do anything he could to make this stop for her, but he knew there wasn't anything he could do. She had known what she wanted and what she hadn't wanted, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to watch this all even if it was what she wanted.

"It's okay," he whispered to her, leaning down to brush a cool rag over her forehead. "Just breathe."

The pain calmed down enough a few moments later for her to glare at him and demand, "Why didn't you make me get an epidural?"

"Because you would have fainted in this room if they'd brought that needle in here. You would have died."

"Well, I'm dying right now, so I guess it doesn't matter!"

"Caroline, I need to break your water, okay?" Stefan held both of his hands out for Caroline to grab hold of and told her to focus on him until it was over. She groaned and whimpered some, but soon, the doctor was saying, "Okay, before long, you two are going to have that baby." She stood up and removed her gloves, a small smile on her face. "I'm going to go change into my scrubs, and then I'll be back soon. Hang in there, and tell the nurses when you have to push."

Caroline silently nodded with tears in her eyes, but he had no time to question her before she felt another contraction. "See, he already hates me, Stefan!" she shouted. "We should have picked a name!"

He didn't know what to do but listen to her and hold her hand through the pain. He didn't much know if she was really that scared about not having a name or if this was just how she was dealing with the pain of the whole experience. "It's going to be okay," he assured her. "Just breathe, Care."

"Oh my god, I'm never doing this again!"

"What happened to wanting a girl?" he tried to joke to lighten the mood, but after the words were out of his mouth, he realized this probably wasn't the best time for a joke.

"I lied!" she cried, but was soon announcing, "I have to push!"

One of the nurses rushed into the hallway and came back a minute later with the doctor, who was now changed and ready to go. "I hear you're ready to push."

"I'll do anything to make this end." He noticed the doctor chuckle, and he figured she must have been paying attention to their discussion earlier if she found amusement in Caroline's statement now.

"Just push and this will all be over soon." She took her position at the end of the bed and instructed, "Next contraction, I want you to push."

Everything seemed to happen in a whirlwind after that. For thirty long minutes, Caroline pushed and cried as she squeezed his hand. She looked pushed to the edge of her limit of how much pain she could take, but she kept on. She fought and she pushed, and then, a loud, piercing wail rang out and they both froze.

"You did it," Stefan whispered as he watched the doctor lift their son. "He's here."

He felt the moisture fall from his eyes down his face, but he didn't care that he was crying or what anyone thought. As he looked at his crying son, arms fisted by his face, he was overcome with emotion and love.

"We have to do this again." Caroline held out her arms toward her son, itching to hold him. Her face was damp with sweat and tears, but all she wanted was her son. The moment she felt him placed on her chest, the entire world fell away. All she knew in this moment was her son and Stefan. "Hi baby," she cried softly, running her shaky finger over his chubby cheeks. "I'm your mommy."

She was allowed a few minutes with him before they had to take him away to get cleaned off and whatever else it was they did with newborn babies. She knew she'd get him back in a few minutes, but her heart ached for him the moment they took him away. She'd only known him for a few short minutes, but she already loved him with every fiber of her being.

Stefan pressed kisses all over her face, murmuring how much he loved her. "We have a son."

She nodded her head. "We have a son."

They called Stefan away then to cut the umbilical cord. Exhausted, she watched from the bed, a soft smile on her face. She saw Stefan's hands shaking from over here, but he must have gotten the job done, because soon he was holding their son again, who was wrapped tightly in a blue blanket with a matching blue cap on his tiny little head. Stefan smiled down at their son as he carried him over to the bed so she could hold him again.

"Six pounds, eight ounces, and nineteen and a half inches long," he announced proudly.

"He's so tiny," Caroline said in awe. She didn't think she'd ever seen anything so beautiful in her life.

Not too long after, they stared down at their newborn son in awe, taking in the first real moment as a family without nurses and friends around. Everyone would be arriving soon to fawn over the newest addition to the Salvatore clan, but for these few moments, it was just them in their own world, where everything was perfect.

"I guess we really have to name him now." Stefan rubbed his hand gently over his son's head of barely there blonde hair.

"He can't be Baby Boy Salvatore forever," Caroline surmised. "It might be unique, but I think he'd feel we didn't care enough."

"Back to the baby name game it is then." Stefan kept his eyes trained on his sleeping son as he went through a list of names in his head, trying to see if any of them stood out, just perfect for him. "What about Oscar?"

"Oscar, really?" Caroline questioned incredulously. "What book are you pulling this one from?"

"This one actually isn't from a book. I'm thinking of the writer, Oscar Wilde."

"Well, our son is not an Oscar."

"At this point, I'm starting to think he's not anything," Stefan mumbled. "You keep shooting down every name I have."

"Because they're not _him_, Stefan. I don't know how to explain it. None of the names you've said feel like him. I know it sounds crazy, but I just know there's a name for him that is amazing and perfect. We just need to find it."

"Okay then," he sighed and went back to the mental drawing board he had going on inside of his head. They'd spent so many months going through names that he could hardly remember what he'd said and what he hadn't. So, he finally threw out, "Tom."

"Tom?" she scrunched her face up in deep thought over the name. "Why Tom?"

"He's one of my favorite literary characters. He's not very popular, but I remember thinking that I really wished I could be more like his character when I was younger, just a little more carefree and adventurous. I think I just thought Tom Sawyer was a pretty cool kid."

"Oh my God, that's it," she gasped in complete surprise. After months of back and forth arguments and torn lists of potential names, everything finally clicked into place. It all fit perfectly, and she knew, in this moment, she'd found his name. It had always been his, but they just had to get to it.

"What, Tom?" Stefan perked up at Caroline's excitement, partly out of joy that they'd finally found a name, and partly out of relief that they'd found a name.

"No," she shook her head, her blue eyes wide and filled with tears, "Sawyer. That's his name, Stefan. He's Sawyer."

When he looked back at the bundle in her arms, his eyes moments away from finding the back of his head, he felt something click as well. As he looked at his son, the name Sawyer floating in his head, it suddenly all made sense. Caroline was right; this was his name. There was no rhyme or reason to why it all fit, or why it seemed completely perfect; it just did. He looked at him and he just knew that this was his name.

"Hi Sawyer," he whispered, leaning down to brush a feather light kiss on his chubby, pink cheek. "I'm going to love you and your mom more than anything."

Caroline's eyes still shone brightly with tears when he sat back up. She smiled, her lip trembling. "And we're going to love you."


	37. Wonderwall

**Chapter 36**

**And all the roads that lead you there are winding  
>And all the lights that light the way are blinding<br>There are many things that I  
>Would like to say to you, but I don't know how<strong>

"What do you mean she left town?" Damon demanded as Caroline stared at him, a smug smile on her face. "What do you mean, Caroline?"

"I mean, she's on a plane that just left for Nashville. She's gone." Caroline reached out and gently retrieved Sawyer from Stefan's arms and nuzzled him against her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take care of my son. He should be getting hungry any minute now." She brushed past Stefan on her way into the church, and he could hear her hiss out, "Do something."

Stefan rolled his eyes in agitation as he watched his wife bounce away, a new spring in her step at the bomb she'd just happily dropped on Damon. "My wife has lost her damn mind."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, baby bro," Damon comforted his brother. "She never had it to begin with."

Stefan turned back to Damon and sighed. "Don't listen to Caroline. Elena isn't going after Matt or anything."

"Then what is she doing?" He knew that Elena didn't have feelings for Matt, she'd resolved those years ago, but that knowledge gave him little comfort right now. Because according to his sister-in-law she was going to him. She'd left, and for how long, he didn't know. He'd sent her away, but he hadn't wanted her to actually leave town.

"She doesn't know. Bonnie and Elena won't tell her anything. All she knows is that Elena has gone to Nashville to see Matt, and Bonnie is going with her. She's coming back, though."

Damon stiffened at his brother's words, becoming suspicious at the confidence in his voice. "You sound pretty sure of that."

Stefan apprehensively looked away. "Caroline may have told me that Elena was leaving town for a bit and that she'd be back soon."

"You just said Bonnie and Elena aren't telling her anything. How does she know this?"

"Because Elena told her that when she called from the airport a couple hours ago. She said she was leaving town to do something she should have done a long time ago, but that she'd be back."

"And you didn't tell me this, why?" he demanded, roughly grabbing hold of Stefan's arm and pulling him toward him until he lifted his eyes back to Damon's.

The green orbs lit with anger and he shoved Damon away. "Because someone has spent the past four hours telling anyone who would listen that you didn't care what Elena did. All you've had to say is that we suck for questioning whether you should get married to Andie or not, and that this was absolutely what you needed to do. You've been deadest that you're marrying Andie. So why would I tell you that Elena left town and that she's going to see Matt?"

"Because I had a right to know," he snapped.

"Then why'd you send her away?" Stefan challenged. "If you thought you had a right to know anything about Elena why didn't you tell her to stay?"

* * *

><p>The loud, blaring noise of Damon's cell phone sliced through the dead silence of the night, jolting him out of a restful sleep. He dug his hand out from under his pillow, and slid it over his nightstand, knocking off a few items in the process, until he finally had the offensive object in his grasp. He answered the call and slammed his phone to his ear, barking out a disgruntled, "What?"<p>

"It's go time!" Stefan's loud voice greeted him.

"What?" Damon repeated, now confused instead of just angry from having his sleep interrupted.

"Caroline's in labor! We're having the baby!"

Damon sat up, fully awake now. "Are you sure this isn't a false alarm? You told me it was go time three days ago and it wasn't. If you're dragging me out of bed at one in the morning, the baby better be coming out."

"It's real! Now get your ass to the hospital."

"Okay, on my way." He was about to hang up when he brought the phone back to his ear. "Wait! Do you want Cuban cigars or would you rather something not illegal?"

"I don't care about fucking cigars, Damon. Just get to the hospital."

"Why is it that I have to be there if the baby isn't born yet?" he questioned.

"Because I said so. Caroline is having another contraction, I don't have time to talk about this stupid crap." And with that, Stefan disconnected the call, leaving Damon to stare down at his phone incredulously.

"Rude," he murmured, but rolled out of bed and began getting ready nonetheless.

He didn't quite understand why he was needed at the hospital, just so he could sit in the waiting room until the baby was born, but if Stefan wanted him there, he'd be there. Things were still undeniably tense since Christmas, and he wasn't in the mood to rock the boat. There had been no more punching or yelling, but their relationship was strained.

He'd been stupid and naïve when he believed he could somehow come out of the situation with Elena without demolishing everything around him. He'd buried his head in the sand about a lot of things after he slept with her. With delusions of grandeur, he'd convinced himself that if he could just talk to Elena, things would be better. He thought that they'd somehow be able to stay friends. It took until she came back from Mystic Falls for him to begin to accept that they couldn't be friends.

Every fiber of his being told him not to walk out her apartment door that day, not like that, but he hadn't been able to deny her. She looked so broken and tired, like she hadn't gotten any real peace in years, and he'd been unable to push her anymore. A part of him wondered now if he could have pushed her, if he could have gotten something out of her if he didn't leave then, but he wouldn't know. He'd stayed true to his word since he walked out, hadn't called her or seen her once since then.

It was hard to not know how she was or what she was doing. Caroline and Stefan were still blocking him out from all things Elena, refusing to even mention her name. He wanted to know how she was. He wanted to know how she was dealing with the impending arrival of his nephew. Every time he saw or spoke to Caroline or Stefan, he was reminded that this baby, who seemed like a foreign concept at the moment, was soon going to be real. His brother was about to be a father, and all of the advice that he should be able to bombard his baby brother with was nowhere to be found.

He had no advice to give, and the reality of it didn't truly hit him until these last few weeks. Everything suddenly felt real now. Before, he had been able to tell himself that it was still a way's off; the baby wouldn't come for a long time. That time was up now. The baby was coming and he'd be here within a few hours. He hadn't quite prepared himself for this day, if one could even prepare for it, but it was here, and he had to do this whether he was ready for it or not.

So he got ready to leave for the hospital, taking far more time than necessary, but it was still the middle of the night. A little slowness was to be expected. Not in the mood to find a taxi, he called his driver, who was probably thinking up ways to murder him right at this very moment, and went to sit on his bed for a few moments to attempt to gather his thoughts before the car got here.

Andie was out of town with her family right now, doing something campaign related, so he would be flying solo for this whole thing. He grabbed the present he bought for the baby last month out of his office, and left his apartment. Before long he was standing in the maternity ward, glued to his spot. Stefan had told him which room Caroline was in, and the signs clearly pointed in the correct direction, but he couldn't seem to make himself go toward the room.

Instead, he turned back around and got on the elevator. He pressed the button for a random floor, not paying any attention to where he was actually going. He just knew he couldn't go into Caroline's room yet. Elena would most likely be in there and he didn't know how to face her. The last time he'd seen her had been in her apartment and he hadn't prepared himself for what their next interaction would be like. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted nothing to do with him, and though he'd respected those wishes, he wasn't on that same page. He still wanted everything to do with her, and he didn't know how to walk into that hospital room and pretend otherwise.

For twenty minutes he wandered the hospital, trying to build the courage to go upstairs, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed to know what he was going into first. He needed to know whether or not she was there. So, he pulled his phone from his pocket and called his brother.

"What?" Came his brother's terse greeting when he answered his phone.

"What room are you in? I'm totally lost." He played dumb, not really too concerned with the frustration Stefan would feel at the situation. It wasn't like Caroline was having the baby this very moment; he could leave the room for five minutes.

By the time he ended the call, he was certain that his brother was, in fact, very pissed off at him, but he was on his way, and that was what counted. Now he could get some inside information on whether or not Elena was there, and if she was, he could learn how she was and what she was doing.

"Come on," his brother snapped as he appeared around a corner and waved Damon toward him. "Caroline's contractions are four minutes apart. I need to get back." Damon went to him and quickly fell into step next to his brother, who asked, "I don't have time to talk, so spit it out. Why'd you act like you couldn't find the room? What's wrong?"

Since Stefan seemed to want to jump right in, Damon decided he would follow his lead. "Is Elena there?"

"That's really why you dragged me away from my wife who is in labor? Seriously, Damon?"

"I haven't seen the girl since she got back and told me she wanted nothing to do with me. You can't blame me for being curious if she's up there or not, and if so, whether she's said anything about me?"

"Are you twelve?" Stefan bit out while punching a finger into the elevator button. "Scratch that, don't answer it. No, she's not there, but she's on her way, so suck it up, you're going to have to deal with her."

"I don't have a problem dealing with her," Damon clarified. "She's the one who doesn't want to see me."

"I can't imagine why not," he mumbled.

Damon shot Stefan a curious look as they stepped onto the elevator. "Since when are you Team Elena?"

Stefan scoffed. "Oh, trust me, I'm not. I'm just smart enough to understand why she might not be jumping up and down to talk to you." They exited the elevator and Stefan began briskly walking toward Caroline's room. "So, Elena's going to be here for this labor, don't start anything. Caroline's decided she doesn't want an epidural, which means she's doing this without any pain medication. Keep everything nice and sunshiney bright around her, because I swear, if you piss her off tonight, I will throw you out this window." He grabbed hold of the doorknob and sent Damon a serious look. "We clear?"

"Yeah," Damon nodded, "We're clear."

"Good," he smiled, "Now put on your game face." He swung the door open and rushed into the room, Damon completely forgotten. "Are you okay? Did anything happen while I was gone?"

He was immediately distracted from the small reunion as his eyes spotted Elena and Bonnie on the other side of the room. What the hell happened to her not being here? He wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't supposed to be here yet. It took considerable effort to keep his gaze off of her long enough to shut the door and mentally get himself together. She was here, and he couldn't change that.

Well, it wasn't like he really wanted to change it. He didn't want her to not be here. He wanted to see her and talk to her. He just thought he'd had a little more time before he would be faced with her. Seeing her here now, and watching her gaze quickly fall away from him as he turned toward her made this whole thing feel more real. He was here because he was going to be an uncle in a few hours. For the first time since they lost their child, they were going to be faced with a baby they both had connections to, and he didn't think it would be as easy as he wanted it to be.

His first real clue of that was when Caroline had another contraction. Instead of watching his brother try to get Caroline through it, his attention was drawn to Elena, who watched on with a look of agony on her face. He knew some of that pain came from watching her best friend go through this painful experience, but he also knew where most of it came from, and he wished he could do something to change that. Instead, he could only remain frozen as Elena and Bonnie made a speedy getaway after the contraction was over, leaving him alone with his brother and sister-in-law, and in a room with Caroline while she was in labor was just about the last place he wanted to be.

This was something he wasn't afraid to share. "I like where her head's at," he said in regards to Bonnie's insistence of leaving the room moments before. "Can I leave now too?"

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he knew he wasn't going to get out of here in one piece, but it didn't stop him from backing toward the door and trying anyway. Once Caroline raised her hand and gave him a pointed glare, he stopped, admitting his defeat. "Not so fast. You and I have a few things we need to discuss."

And then they were off, bickering back and forth about a topic he absolutely did not want to discuss. She had it in her head that being in labor gave her a free pass to say whatever she wanted, and apparently she had a lot she wanted to say, all of it involving him and Elena. She poked and prodded, telling him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life and he had to go after Elena now. She swore that Elena was in love with him, and would take him back if he just went to her, but he denied her at every turn. Caroline might think she had them all pegged, but he just didn't see it the same way she did.

Elena had been completely clear when he'd shown up at her apartment after she returned from Mystic Falls. She wanted him to leave her completely alone. She wanted absolutely no contact with him. His brilliant idea of sleeping with her and then proposing to Andie had been the last straw for her. After months of trying to make things better with them, she was done. He didn't doubt that Elena still loved him, but he didn't believe that she'd ever allow herself to be vulnerable again. He'd made his decisions, and they were what they were, no matter how badly Caroline wished otherwise.

She refused to back down, though, telling him he was wrong about each argument he gave her. It was easy to realize that she wasn't going to drop this. So, when she had another contraction, he saw his out. While she was distracted, he slipped from the room, with the internal promise to himself to not come back until the baby was born. That was all something he didn't need to be a part of.

He was going to be most happy biding his time in the waiting room. It might be boring, but at least he wouldn't be in that hospital room, and he might even get the chance to talk to Elena. However, that was a hope that was quickly dashed when he sat down across from both her and Bonnie. As long as she had Bonnie by her side, he wouldn't get a chance to say anything he wanted.

He'd still try though.

"Hey," he said quietly, trying to softly test the waters.

Bonnie looked up at him, but said nothing. Elena's eyes slowly lifted to his and she barely got out, "Hi," before looking away from him again.

"How are you?" He knew it was probably useless, but he tried nonetheless to engage her in some sort of conversation. Anything would be better than nothing at this point.

"Busy," she replied a few moments later, but offered nothing more.

"I heard you got promoted. That's good. Congratulations."

God, could he sound like more of an idiot right now? He didn't think he'd ever worked this hard to talk to a girl in his life. That was the beauty of Elena Gilbert though. She made him do a lot of things that he'd never done. Almost four years later, and he still didn't know why or how, but he kept doing those things. Sometimes they'd led to great things for them, and others they'd resulted in a world of hurt that should keep him as far away from her as possible no matter what. He never stayed far away though. He kept coming back for more, even when he shouldn't, but this time, Elena wasn't going to let him.

She rose from her chair and looked down at Bonnie. "I'm gonna go sit with Caroline for a bit. Stefan could probably use the help."

Bonnie gave her a thumbs up. "Yeah, you have fun with that. I think I'm gonna stay out here, away from the crazy woman in labor."

Elena's gaze bounced nervously from Bonnie to him, as if she wasn't sure that she should leave them alone together. It was no secret that he and Bonnie did not get along. When Bonnie waved her off, though, she reluctantly backed away. The internal debate was evident on her face, but he figured her desire for self-preservation must have won out, because she soon turned and fled the room like it was on fire.

Bonnie waited for Elena to leave before she looked at Damon and groaned in annoyance, letting her feelings be known. Her behavior could only make him laugh and say, "Don't worry, Bonnie. You're not who I want to spend my evening with either."

"Whatever, just try not to sleep with me. Think you can handle that?"

"Oh, you have my word that I'll give it my best shot," he assured her.

"Cause that's worth so much." She sent a tight smile his way and then rolled her eyes. Now there was the Bonnie he knew and loved.

"Never change, tiny judgmental one. Never change."

She shifted in her seat, stretching her legs out over the seat next to her and then laid her head against the wall, turning her body away from his. "Jackass," she huffed out.

Now that all forms of conversation had been utterly decimated, he was left sitting in silence in some uncomfortable chair on the maternity ward. This was just freaking dandy. In fact, he didn't know why he didn't do it more often. Maybe that could be his new hobby, sitting in the maternity ward and contemplating throwing himself off the roof. Sounded like good times.

And good times it was as the time slowly ticked by. At some point, after Bonnie had fallen asleep, he managed to drift away for close to an hour before the pain in his neck, from sleeping in a sitting position, woke him up. The lights had been dimmed lightly and the waiting room was now empty, save for him and Bonnie. Apparently, everyone else had been granted their freedom, something he wouldn't mind getting right about now.

Seeing as that wouldn't be happening though, he stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He needed to walk around for a bit, because if he had to sit in that chair for another moment he was going to go insane. He was sure he looked crazy wandering the halls on the labor and delivery floor, but thanks to the time of night and quiet hallways, no one paid him much attention. It was just him and the antiseptic smell that surrounded him.

A door closed at the end of the hallway and he looked up in time to see Elena watching him for a brief moment before she turned and walked in the other direction. He watched after her until she disappeared around a corner, unsure whether he should go after her or leave her be. She didn't look like a woman who wanted anyone's company, but something had his feet moving after her, even though he knew he shouldn't. She wouldn't want him to go to her. She would want to be alone, but he went, needing to see her and talk to her.

He found Elena at the end of a dark, empty hallway, staring out the wall of windows that overlooked the dark city. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her eyes looked straight ahead, but he doubted they saw anything in front of her. He didn't need to get any closer to her to know her brown orbs would be filled with sadness and pain, emotions he understood all too well in this moment.

"You didn't have to follow me," she whispered after he'd been staring at her for several moments.

"I know," he acknowledged. He knew Elena could handle this on her own, she'd be fine. He knew he probably shouldn't be here right now, that she might not even want him here, but he had to try. In some weird, messed up way, they were in this together. He took small steps toward her, being sure to move slowly to allow her the chance to tell him to stop at any time. She never did though, and he found himself standing only a foot beside her in front of the large window. "I think it might snow." She nodded mutely. "How's Caroline?" he then questioned, trying his hand at a different tactic.

"For a woman who's been in labor for more than 12 hours? Remarkably well."

Damon couldn't help but smirk at Elena's words. Caroline would be the one in a million women that handled labor like it was just another day at the office. "That girl is unlike any other person I've ever met on the face of this planet."

It was now Elena's turn to smile ever so softly. "Caroline is unlike any person that _anyone_ has ever met. She's one of a kind."

They fell immediately back into silence, Elena's eyes trained outward, and his eyes trained on her. Something about it felt very symbolic of their dynamic. She had always been looking ahead, whether it was when they were strictly having sex or when she left for Chicago, she was always focused on the future. There was a vital part of her missing that allowed her to live one day at a time. He, on the other hand, had always remained focused on her. He didn't think of the future or the past, just her. He'd never cared what the next day would bring, as long as he had her by his side.

One day, she hadn't been by his side anymore, and he was left falling with no one to catch him. His affinity for living day by day had backfired on him. He was alone with an engagement ring he'd purchased for her sitting in his nighstand mocking him like a cruel joke. The one future he'd dared to dream of turned into a nightmare that he had been forced to live.

"I can't believe Caroline is actually doing this without any pain medication," he commented after he couldn't take the silence anymore. "The girl looks like she's going to cry when she stubs her toe."

"Damon," she sighed, "Why are you here? You didn't come find me to talk about Caroline."

No, he didn't, but it was the only topic he could formulate any coherent sentences on at the moment. Every other topic was like a bomb that was ready to detonate at the slightest misstep. He hadn't quite figured out how to navigate the territory safely, so he talked about Caroline, because no conversation that included her could ever lead to anything bad.

But she was also the one telling him to walk though; to walk straight into the war zone without a care in the world if everything exploded. So perhaps she wasn't the safe topic she'd been in the past. "I thought you could use a friend."

"We're not friends." She'd said the words a lot to him since he proposed to Andie, but they still hurt just as much now as they had the first time. He understood that he'd messed up when he did what he did, but he couldn't manage to wrap his mind around the fact that he and Elena weren't anything to each other anymore. A world where he had no connection to her didn't make sense in his head, no matter what she said.

So he turned to her and grabbed her arms in his hands, forcing her to turn and face him as well. She was resisting his grasp, but he was stronger, and soon she was right in front of him, her face inches from his. The pain that radiated from her was so powerful and truthful that it felt like a kick to the gut.

"I can't sit in that waiting room and act like I don't know what this night really means."

"Tonight is about Stefan and Caroline and the family they're creating, nothing else."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Don't talk to me about truth, Damon." There was a slight edge to her voice that immediately had Damon on his guard, reminding him of the fact that he didn't want to argue with her. The last thing he wanted to do to her on this night was make it any worse. He wanted to be there for her, to help her, not hurt her.

Sometimes he wondered if he was even capable of that anymore. All they seemed to do was wound each other, no matter what their intentions seemed to be. Where there was once nothing but love and purity, there was now a sea of pain that separated them. When she first lost the baby, he believed that he could get through it, that he could reach her and pull her back to him. The more time that past, the further apart they grew, and his belief in his ability to bring her back to him faded. Then everything changed, and she was the one working to pull him back to her, while he fought to cause her pain and anguish. It all seemed so pointless now as he stared at her in this dark hallway, but the sensible side in him rarely seemed to react when it came to Elena, and tonight was no different.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She turned judgmental eyes up at him. "How's the wedding planning going?"

"Elena, I ..." he began softly, taking another step toward her, but she quickly shook her head and cut him off.

"Don't, Damon. Do us both a favor and don't waste your breath trying to make any of this better. We know you can't."

"I don't know anything," he denied. "I don't believe that we can't fix this."

"There's nothing to fix anymore, Damon. We should've given up for good a long time ago."

"And how are we supposed to do that?" he challenged. "Tell me, because I really don't know how to do that."

"You should really be the one telling me. You're the one that really gave up when you proposed to Andie."

"And I said that I was sorry. I shouldn't have done the things I did. I made a mistake."

"And what exactly is that mistake?" she questioned quietly. "You keep telling me that you're sorry and you messed up. You know that something is severely wrong in your life right now, but you can't actually tell me what it is. You can't tell me whether you shouldn't have slept with me or if you shouldn't have proposed to Andie. Do you even know what the mistake was?"

"Andie's a great girl," he finally admitted. "I love her and she's always been there for me. She doesn't deserve what I've done to her. She deserves better." He stopped himself and sighed. "You both do. You both deserve better than me." He could see Elena swallow thickly, on edge for what he'd say next. "Rationally, I know this, but it doesn't stop me from wanting things that I shouldn't."

"What do you want?" Her voice was so soft, he could hardly understand her, but he understood enough.

He opened his mouth, searching for the right words to say to her, unsure of how he could word what he so desperately wanted to say.

"Elena!" Bonnie came skidding around the corner, out of breath and smiling. If she was puzzled by how she'd found him and Elena, she didn't show it. "Caroline had the baby. He's here!"

Even though he wasn't touching Elena, he could still feel her tense. It sent out a wave that washed over him, making him want to reach out and grab her hand, touch her anything. Instead, all he could do was turn and look at her. She stared up at him, her brown eyes pleading with him for something he knew he could not give. Just moments ago she was telling him he couldn't make anything better, but now she was practically begging him.

He knew it wasn't a conscious choice, or even something she knew she was even doing. She was thrown off from the announcement of Caroline having given birth, and the time that she'd wanted to take to mentally prepare herself for it, he'd torn from her. It was why she was hiding at the end of this dark hallway, and he knew that, but he didn't leave her alone. He didn't allow her peace to try and come to terms with what was going on. He never seemed to be able to do that, and now that she needed him to make it better, he knew that he couldn't. He'd give anything to make this better for her, to take away the pain, but he knew that could never happen.

With a heavy heart and hands itching to reach out and touch her, he watched her sigh and turn to look at Bonnie. She smiled softly and took a step forward. "Let's go meet the little guy."

Bonnie's smile faltered slightly when Elena walked toward her, but she quickly recovered and held her hand out for Elena. He followed behind them, watching as they linked arms and made their way through the quiet hospital hallways. They were outside of Caroline's hospital room all too quickly for his liking, and all three of them paused, both anxiously watching Elena, waiting for her 'go ahead.'

Elena looked to Bonnie and took a deep breath before nodding and reaching out for the door handle. Her movements were tentative and slow, but soon the door was open and he was seemingly thrust into the room.

Caroline and Stefan were huddled together on the bed, staring down contentedly at the small blue bundle in Caroline's arms. They didn't notice the new occupants of their room, and it was only when Bonnie cleared her throat that they reluctantly tore their eyes away from their son.

"Hi." Caroline smiled up at them. She looked tired, but she was also overflowing with happiness. "We have a son."

Elena and Bonnie carefully approached the bed and peered down at the small child in her arms. "Oh my god, look at his little cheeks." Elena reached out and ran one of her fingers over. "He's adorable, Caroline."

"Well, he's made up of my genes, of course he's adorable."

"Hey, he's half me too," Stefan spoke up, his eyes glued back to his son. "Aren't ya, buddy?"

Damon stayed back by the door, wanting to stay out of the way while the girls saw his nephew. While a part of him was anxious to see this baby that his brother had been so excited for, a part of him was also okay with waiting for a while. He didn't know quite yet where he really stood with meeting his nephew as opposed to just knowing he'd have one.

Something about it felt wrong, and he knew that was horrible, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't change the fact that he felt that it wasn't supposed to be this way. Stefan should have been asking him for advice these past few months, not trying to make sense of the mess he'd gotten his life into. He was supposed to have it together at this point. He was supposed to be married to Elena and have a child with her. He was supposed to be a father.

That wasn't how his life worked out, though. He wasn't a father, and he was never going to be one, at least not to a child of Elena's. He was engaged to Andie. She was going to be his wife, and he didn't know if that would ever feel completely right.

"Damon," Stefan grabbed onto his shoulder, catching him by surprise, "Come outside with me for a minute." He looked back to the three women gathered excitedly around the bed before looking to his brother, who motioned to the door behind him. "Come on." He gently ushered Damon out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

"What's up?" Damon asked, once they had started walking down the hallway.

"Thought we'd give the girls some time to do their thing, and maybe talk for a few minutes."

Damon's pace soon slowed at the worried tone of his brother's voice. "Spit it out, Stefan. The sooner we get this over, the sooner you get to be back to your son."

"I'm sorry about what Caroline did earlier. She went a little crazy with the whole natural birth thing. The pain did something to her brain. I think she short-circuited there for a bit."

Damon chuckled softly. "You don't believe that for a moment. Caroline meant every word she said."

"I'm still sorry. She shouldn't have said things like that. Your business is your business. We shouldn't be involved in it."

"Basically, you're telling me you think Caroling is right." Damon wasn't stupid. He knew his brother better than anyone, possibly better than Caroline. Stefan rarely came out and voiced a strong opinion about decisions that other people made. He was a firm believer in letting people make their own choices, but he was plenty passive aggressive in his comments. This was his way of saying he agreed with his wife, but he would stay out of it, because it wasn't his place to make his feelings known.

"I'm not saying that."

"But you're not exactly saying she's wrong."

"Look," Stefan stopped in front of a vending machine and turned to look at Damon, "I'm not saying she's right, but she sees things differently than I do. I have more of a biased opinion about all of this. She loves Elena and she loves you. She probably has a more rational view on this than I do. And yes, I'm apprehensive about things right now. The way you proposed to Andie isn't ideal, and I'm worried that you haven't thought this through."

"Trust me, Stefan, not a day goes by that I don't think about all of this. I love Andie. She's good to me, and she always has been. You've known her almost as long as I have. They don't make many girls as good as her."

"You can understand why that doesn't make me feel better about all of this right? You love her, and I know that, but are you really in love with her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"The kind of question that needs to be asked. I know you think Caroline and I are crazy and pathetically in love with each other, but I didn't sleep with another woman the night before I proposed to her. That's something you need to think about, Damon. You don't sleep with one woman and then propose to another within hours."

"You think that's what happened?"

"Well, isn't it?" Stefan challenged, but then he sighed, like all of the fight had been knocked out of him. "Damon, I don't want you to think I'm attacking you or telling you you're wrong, but I don't want you to wake up one day, ten years later, and realize that you've made a mistake. It'll be too late then, and I don't want that for you. I just want you to be happy, no matter who that's with."

"Come on, Stefan. You can't stand Elena. We both know she's the last person you want me with."

"I wasn't exactly a fan of Katherine either, but that didn't stop you from going back to her." Stefan turned to the vending machine and dropped a few coins into it before choosing a soda. He bent down and retrieved it after it fell loudly to the tray that caught it. When he straightened and took in the annoyed look on Damon's face, his own fell. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll drop it. Watching my wife in pain for hours on end is a pretty draining process, even if I did get the best gift out of it at the end. Just forget I said anything."

"I'm not mad," he tried to explain to his brother, because he really wasn't. He'd stuck his nose into Stefan's business far more than he should have over the years, so he couldn't very well cry foul when Stefan pried into his life once every few years. "I just don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what I even can say. I've made my bed, that's all there is to it."

"Let's just go back to the room." They walked in relative silence back through the hallways, leaving Damon with time to think; time that he now didn't want inside of his head. Twenty minutes ago, he wanted nothing more than to have a few moments to sort through his thoughts, now he wanted nothing to do with them. He could never quite seem to get them in line with what was going on around him. He could never just get it together, and apparently people were catching onto this.

Right outside of the room, he caught Stefan's arm as he reached out to open the door. "Wait a second." Stefan turned to face him, a curious expression on his face. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

His brother opened his mouth but then quickly closed it. His eyes darkened and he looked to the floor for several moments, piecing something together in his head that Damon couldn't read. Finally, he looked back up and shook his head, a dejected look in his eyes. "I think the fact that you're asking me if you're making one is your answer."

Stefan didn't wait for Damon to respond before he swung the door open and reentered Caroline's room. All signs of stress or anxiety fell from him the moment he stepped through the door and joined Caroline on the bed again. "Welcome back," she whispered, leaning over to place a small kiss on his lips.

The couple fell easily into their own world for a few moments, but Damon paid no attention. He instead fell into a completely different world. His eyes landed on Elena standing near the window his nephew in her arms. She stared down at the small child, a warm, relaxed look on her face. A lazy smile stretched her lips as she swayed back and forth with him, speaking too softly for Damon to hear.

The sight before him was beautiful and painful all at the same time. He realized now that this was what he'd been trying to prepare himself for. It wasn't meeting his nephew or trying to wrap his mind around the concept of his brother being a father before him that he was scared of. It was this moment, right here, right now. It was seeing Elena with that child that he'd been afraid of. It was the very real visual of what his life was supposed to be that he was scared to see.

As if she could feel his gaze on her, she froze and lifted her head. Her eyes met his across the room and a deep sadness flooded them. She inhaled a shaky breath before beginning the slow walk toward him. Her steps were soft, but deliberate, letting him know that she was coming to him. Everything else in the room fell away as she got closer, and he could finally see the baby in her arms. Peeking out from the blue blanket, he could see rosy pink cheeks, and two parted, plump lips. She stopped right in front of him, allowing him to fully peer down at his nephew. His eyes were open, revealing the soft blue hue of his eyes.

"Want to hold him?" she asked quietly, twisting so Damon could easily retrieve him from her arms. "You want to meet your Uncle Damon?" When Damon reached out for him, she gently handed him over while whispering, "Say hello to Sawyer Damon Salvatore."

He stared down at his nephew in awe for a brief moment before Elena's words hit him and his head shot up. He looked to her and then to Caroline and Stefan, who were anxiously watching him from her bed. "What?" he gasped.

Caroline smiled broadly and happily nodded her head. "We couldn't bare to inflate your ego too much by having his first name be after you, but we thought it would be okay to maybe make it his middle name."

"But," he started, shaking his head back and forth, unable to form any other words. After the crazy shit he'd pulled with them in the past few years he was not egotistical enough to think he deserved to have a kid named after him. His brother had beaten him up weeks ago for crying out loud, and now his nephew was named after him?

"Seeing as how we're so uncool, I figured we needed to give him at least a decent shot at life," his brother teased. "What do you think? You okay with your nephew sharing your name?"

A broad smile broke out across his face and he eagerly said, "Hell yeah." Then he remembered the small bundle in his arms and quickly looked down, eyes wide and apologetic. "I mean heck," he corrected himself. "Actually, let's just make a deal right now, anything you hear me say, you don't say."

"Best advice you'll ever give," Caroline told him and they all laughed softly.

"Do either of you need anything?" Elena asked from beside him after they'd all quieted down.

Caroline smiled, her eyes wide. "Could you go get me some chips and cookies from the vending machine? I would have had Stefan get some, but someone didn't tell me he was making a vending machine trip." She playfully elbowed him in his side. "Pretty please," she begged. "I'll love you forever and ever!"

"Okay, before you offer to hand over your son for food, we'll go," Bonnie joked. She stood from the chair she was sitting in next to the bed and walked over to Elena. "Any other requests?" she posed the question for everyone else in the room, but when everyone declined, she grabbed Elena's arm and quietly slipped from the room.

Damon moved further into the room, still looking down at his nephew, whose eyes had now fallen closed. "You called dad yet?"

"Yeah, he's on his way. And Caroline's mom has booked the next flight out."

"I think we're going to have a busy house for the next few weeks," Caroline mused.

"Well, you can rest assured that I will be out of your hair for the next few weeks," Damon told them.

"What? No." Stefan quickly shook his head, not assured by his words at all. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, everyone is going to want to come see you. You're not going to want me around."

"Damon, he's your nephew and we named him after you. Of course we want you around."

"Besides, who else is going to be mean enough to kick people when your brother and I are too nice to do it?" Caroline asked. "Just face it, Damon, you're going to be spending a lot of time at our place. Yup, you and Elena will be spending lots and lots of time at our house." When he opened his mouth to say something back to her, she quickly continued on. "You're holding my son, you have to do everything I say, and I say you have to come over whenever I want you to."

Damon looked back down at his nephew and sighed. "You know what? I'm not even going to argue with you right now. I'll allow this little guy a few months of innocence before he realizes how bat shit crazy his mother is."

"Language," Stefan warned, but there was a lightness in his tone that didn't leave Damon too worried about what he'd said.

The three fell into a comfortable silence, all content to focus on the newest addition to the Salvatore family. He truly wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't argue with Caroline, it just wasn't worth it right now. Most of the time, Damon Salvatore might be one cold-hearted bastard, but it was pretty impossible to hold this tiny person in his arms and feel anything but love. Though the pain still lingered underneath, he knew that it couldn't reach the amount of love he already felt for his nephew. Just like he'd always protected his brother, he knew that he'd protect Sawyer.

"I come bearing snacks," Bonnie announced proudly ten minutes later. Her arms were filled with tons of unhealthy snack items from the vending machines, and she gave them all to a very excited Caroline. "Elena and I just decided to go a little crazy. You gave birth, you get all the junk food you want."

Caroline eagerly dug into a package of some sort of chocolate product with icing on top of it. "You are a godsend." In fact, she seemed so excited about her snacks, she didn't appear to notice that Elena hadn't returned to the room, and Bonnie wasn't saying anything. But Damon had noticed. He looked toward the door for several moments, waiting for her to come bounding through as well, but it remained shut.

After a couple more minutes passed and she still hadn't returned, his curiosity got the best of him. He couldn't stand in there any longer, wondering where she was. So he went over to the bed and handed his nephew to his brother. "Okay, you can have your son back," he groaned. "I can't handle your stares anymore."

Stefan didn't bother to question why he was getting his son back, just simply pulled him into his arms and smiled happily down at him. "Can't help it if I was worried that you might drop him if a pretty nurse came in."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm going to go get some coffee. I'll be back." When he heard no protests, he quickly fled the room and found himself searching the hallways once again for Elena. She wasn't in the same place she was last time, and once he realized that, he knew where she'd be. He didn't know how he knew, but he just did. His feet took him through the winding halls until he reached his destination, and sure enough, she was there. "Elena," he called out softly.

Standing in front of the clear window that showcased all of the newborns, she turned to him. The tears shined brightly in her eyes and her bottom lip quivered as he moved toward her. She said nothing, only able to sadly shake her head back and forth when he reached out to her. She held a hand up in protest when he didn't halt his movements, but he didn't head this warning either. He pushed forward, refusing to give into this desire of hers.

His hands finally reached her and he grabbed hold of her shoulders tight enough to pull her against him. At his touch she crumbled, giving up all pretense of fighting him. She shook in his arms and every part of him hurt when her crying began. Everything she'd been holding in, she finally released, letting it all go in his arms. And for the first time in years, he got to truly hold her again. He got to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight in the way he hadn't been allowed since she lost their child, and he never wanted to let go.


	38. Not Like the Movies

**Chapter 37**

**I didn't feel the fairytale feeling, no  
>Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?<strong>

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Turn. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Turn.

Andie counted each step she took across the hotel suite, counting to six each and every time before she twisted on her heel and began her walk in the other direction for another six steps before turning and starting all over again. She'd been pacing for exactly one hour and fourty-seven minutes. That was how long it had been since she had last talked to Damon, left with the promise that he would be at the church. And as of right now, he still wasn't there.

Her bridesmaids were under strict orders to let her know the second he arrived at the church, but so far, silence. They'd left her alone at her request to have some time to herself in the master bedroom of the hotel suite she had gotten to get ready for the wedding. Technically, she shouldn't even be here anymore, but there was no way she was going to leave this suite until she knew that he'd shown up. Until then, she would continue to pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until her legs could carry her no longer.

This was absolutely not how she imagined her wedding day going, but it was what it was. The woman that she had practically begged to stay away from her fiancé had done anything but that today, and from the moment she saw that photo of Elena fleeing Damon's hotel, she'd found herself seriously doubting whether or not this wedding would actually happen.

Things had been rocky for them leading up to the wedding. There had been more fighting and crying that she would have liked, but she had thought they worked through it. She thought they were on the same page. And then she saw something shift in him last night. She didn't know what, but she knew it wasn't good. Then, to have Elena show up at his hotel this morning on top of all of that, and things were now horrible.

She was stuck waiting in this room until she knew whether or not Damon was going to stay true to his word and show up at the church. She hated that she doubted him, but it was hard not to. With everything she'd learned in the months leading up to the wedding, surely it was only natural to have fears. There was a chance they were completely unfounded. Damon loved her and she knew that. It was the main thing that had gotten her to this point.

Despite what everyone thought, she knew they had something real. It didn't always make sense, but it worked. She knew she brought good things to his life. She brought him balance in a way he'd always seemed to search for. For someone who had lost his mother to cancer at such a young age, he'd never had a chance to truly understand balance. She did that for him, but was it enough?

"Andie." She looked up as the door to the bedroom flew open. Her maid of honor and best friend, Natalie, came in. Andie froze in her spot and watched, waiting for what Natalie would tell her. "He's at the church."

* * *

><p>When Andie got her first real boyfriend at fourteen years old, her mother had sat her down one night and told her that she would fall in love one day. Her mother could not predict when she would fall in love, or who that person would be, but Andie still distinctively remembered one piece of advice her mother had given to her. She told her that someone needed to love a man not in spite of his flaws or despite them, but because of them. It was a piece of wisdom she'd used to gauge her relationships over the years, and she'd found that it honestly had been a good one.<p>

However, Andie didn't know whether it was good or bad that she didn't love Damon in either of those ways. Because, when faced with Damon's flaws - of which there seemed to be a lot - she had no explanation to provide to her friends and family. She loved Damon because she loved him, and she knew there used to be a reason why, but most days she couldn't find it. All she really knew was that she loved him, and she did it with everything she had.

With the wedding fast approaching, it was something she'd spent countless nights thinking about, but her distance from Damon had made it hard to really get anywhere with those thoughts. Her father's campaign to be president had kept her from Damon for longer than she'd liked, or even thought was healthy. Her distance had put a strain on things in their relationship that she didn't think it should have a strain on. She'd be lying if she said that some of it didn't have to do with Elena, but it did. Ever since the birth of his nephew, he'd been spending a lot of time at his brother's house, and she knew that Elena probably came with that. And if she had doubted it, whenever she had called Damon, there was always Elena's laugh or an animated conversation in the background to fill her in on that piece of information.

"Andie?"

She quickly turned around at the sound of her name being called out to her, and found Stefan coming up behind her. "Hey," she greeted him, a smile on her face.

He caught up with her, a bewildered look on his face. "I thought you were in Florida."

"I was, but I just decided I needed a break before the wedding. I need time here away from all of that political stuff, so I thought I'd come surprise Damon. And if our conversations are any indication, I'm assuming he's at your place."

Stefan stopped in front of the elevator and thought for a moment before saying, "Caroline didn't mention it the last time I talked to her, but he might be here. Want to at least head up and see?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Hey, I could even get to see Sawyer again."

Stefan was tense for a few moments before he nodded and smiled brightly. "Well, be prepared, he's changed a lot since you saw him. I didn't think babies could change so much in just a couple of weeks."

Andie laughed heartily and said, "Oh no, don't tell me Damon already has him out at the bar, picking up women."

Stefan playfully grimaced. "Give it a week. I'm sure it's coming soon."

As the stepped into the elevator, Andie asked, "So, you adjusted to this whole dad thing yet?"

"I don't know if I can ever get used to getting so little sleep."

"If it helps at all, you look great. Being a sleep deprived dad really looks good on you, Stefan."

He smiled at her, a warm but reluctant one that had a line of tension running down her back. "You're a really shitty liar, you know that?"

She sighed and then laughed softly. "I don't see a political career anywhere in my future."

"Speaking of, how is your dad's campaign going?"

Andie resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but it wasn't Stefan's fault he was trying to make polite conversation, and she was just sick of discussing her dad's campaign. She felt like she'd pretty much been on the road non-stop, having to be on her best behavior at all times, no room to make even the tiniest slip up. Family was a big selling point of her father's campaign, which meant she had to be perfect, and quite frankly, that was exhausting.

Of course, she didn't share this with Stefan. She simply answered in her nicest voice possible, "It's going well, tiring, but well."

"Are you going to be traveling anymore before the wedding, or are you in town for good?"

She smiled at the mention of being back home for an extended period of time. That was a conversation she could get on board with. "I am done with all things political until after the honeymoon. My dad can survive without me for a few weeks."

The elevator doors slid open and Stefan motioned for her to exit first, soon followed by him as they headed together to his door. He didn't pull out a pair of keys before testing to see if the door was open, and when the knob easily turned with no resistance, he pushed it open and waved her forward.

Andie heard Elena's laughter the moment she stepped into the foyer, and she shot a nervous look at Stefan who seemed slightly surprised too. He looked nervously to the living room, but then made his way there, leaving her to cautiously follow him. "Damon, stop it!" Elena laughed. "Stefan will murder you if he sees what you're doing to Sawyer."

She felt an all too familiar clench in her stomach as she rounded the corner and set her eyes on the other woman that seemed to occupy so much of her fiancé's time and attention - even though he'd spent months claiming to hate her. The younger woman had her hair tied back into a messy ponytail, and was laid out on her stomach on the floor, her eyes closed as another bout of laughter fell from her lips.

"What are you doing to my son?" The laughter immediately stopped and Elena's head shot in the direction of Stefan's voice, but her gaze soon found Andie behind him, and she saw the woman tense. Damon's head popped up, originally hidden behind the couch, and his blue eyes were wide with surprise.

The moment he spotted Andie, he jumped up from the floor, confusion and excitement evident on his face. "Andie?" he asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Florida."

She tried to smile as he came toward her, but it was hard when another woman was watching them both so intently. "I wanted to surprise you and come home early. So, here I am!"

He shook his head and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "I thought you had another week on the road."

"I just wanted to come home."

He quickly glanced back to Elena and then back to her, the smile wavering on his face, but when she simply shrugged, the smile grew again and he pulled her body against his. "Welcome back," he said quietly. "I missed you."

She reveled in his touch, breathing him all in. Until this moment, she hadn't realized how much she had truly missed him. She felt like she was being put back together now, and breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I missed you too."

"Elena's right!" Stefan's agitated voice pulled them both from their long awaited reunion, and Damon quickly twisted around to face his brother, who was holding up Sawyer. "What the hell did you do to my son?"

Andie covered her mouth with her hand to try and hide the smile on her face from Stefan. Sawyer had on a onesie with the phrase, 'If you think I'm good lookin' you should see my uncle' and a pair of dark sunglasses. "I thought his wardrobe was missing a few key items," Damon explained.

Stefan bent over and quickly straightened with a bottle of scotch and a cigar hanging from his free hand. "And he was missing these too?"

"I may have wanted to take a picture or two." Elena snorted from behind Stefan, which caused Damon to laugh, and Stefan's agitation to rise. They both shared a look that only made their laughter increase, but when Stefan huffed Damon quickly got serious and looked at his brother. "Relax, baby bro, it's not like I was going to pour some in his bottle or anything. It was just a picture."

"With a cigar and alcohol," Stefan angrily pointed out. "He's not even 21 _weeks_ old yet, Damon. Come on!"

"What is going on in here?" Caroline groggily shuffled into the living room, rubbing at her tired eyes. She halted in her tracks when she caught sight of her husband holding their son. After she spent a moment studying Sawyer she turned her eyes to Damon. "You do this?"

"Maybe?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and then walked over to her son, eyeing him suspiciously. She reached out and tickled her fingers down his stomach, "Is your Uncle Damon trying to help you find a girlfriend?" She giggled and then nuzzled his neck. "Hate to break it to you kid, but no girlfriends yet."

"Aren't you mad?" Stefan questioned, bewilderment in his voice.

She pulled away and looked up at Stefan. "Why would I be mad?"

"Have you seen the scotch and cigar?"

"Come on, babe, it's cute." She smiled as she adjusted the sunglasses on her son.

"He had a cigar in his hand!" Stefan nearly exclaimed.

"Oh, calm down, it's funny. It's not like your brother was going to light it up for him to smoke." This time when she reached out, she ran her hand softly over Stefan's face. "I think this sleep deprivation is killing your sense of humor."

"Hey, don't blame my nephew for taking something his father never had to begin with."

"Ugh, whatever, Damon" Stefan groaned. "I'm going to go change my son now," he sent a pointed look to his brother, "Into something more appropriate." Everyone watched Stefan stomp off with Sawyer before bursting into laughter once he was gone, but apparently not out of earshot. "I can hear you!"

"Someone's not happy," Damon mused.

"He's just mad he still has to keep waiting before we can have sex," Caroline revealed, which left Damon gagging from beside Andie.

"Ugh! TMI, Blondie! TMeffingI!"

"How'd you think we created your nephew? Immaculate conception?"

Damon continued to gag. "Stop talking. In fact, don't ever speak again."

"I don't know, Damon. I'm sure you could learn a thing or two from your brother. He's pretty amazing in bed."

"Shut up!" Damon snapped. He roughly grabbed Andie's arm and dragged her toward the kitchen. "I'm going to talk to my fiancée in there, and you will stay out here, not bugging me with talk of sex and my brother." Once they were tucked away in the kitchen, far away from Caroline's taunting words, he dropped her hand and his demeanor softened. "Sorry about that."

She smiled and rested her hands low on his hips. "Is this what you're up to every time you're with your nephew? Dressing him up for your own amusement?"

"Sad to say, but this was strictly a one-off thing. Hasn't happened before."

"So you're not using your nephew as a wingman?"

"Nope," he shook his head, "I am strictly his wingman."

"How's that working out?"

Damon grimaced. "Not so great. I guess women aren't into a man who is so attached to his mother." He ran his hands over her shoulders, softly brushing her hair back away from her face. "Enough about that though. Why'd you decide to come back early?"

"I'm tired of hotels, and I missed you. I wanted to be home." Damon's gaze grew distant, as if he was staring right through her. She now began to doubt whether surprising him had been the right thing to do or not. It wasn't that he didn't seem happy to see her or that he was angry, but she wasn't exactly getting the response she had expected either. "Damon?" she questioned nervously.

He quickly shook himself out of whatever thought he was having and she could feel the tension drain from him. "Sorry," he apologized with a sincere smile and pulled her closer to him. "I'm glad you're back." He buried his head in her neck and she sighed as he pressed soft kisses along her skin. "I really did miss you."

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly to her. "I missed you too," she confessed emotionally. "Every day."

Being away from him had been harder than she had thought it would be, and had taken more of a toll on them than she would have liked. She barely had time to see him for a day when she managed to find the time in her schedule to breeze through town for less than 24 hours most of the time, and it had been hard. Trying to plan a wedding while being in a completely different state and so far away from her fiancé hadn't been easy. It was exhausting and irritating.

"How long are you back for?" he asked, his voice muffled by her neck.

"Until after the honeymoon."

He pulled away from her, leaving her feeling the acute loss of being in his arms. "That snuck up on us, didn't it?"

She tried to not read very much into his question and simply answer it. "Yeah, it has come pretty quickly."

An uncomfortable tension descended upon them, leaving her feeling uncomfortable for even bringing the topic up. Her distance had made so many things about the wedding become an awkward subject to broach. It was hard to discuss one of the biggest days of your life when you hardly ever saw the person you were supposed to celebrate it with.

Then there was the other elephant in the room – Elena. Planning the wedding was made that much harder by the presence that seemed to linger in every conversation they had. Things were happening that Andie wasn't aware of, things that involved Elena. She wasn't stupid, she understood this woman had a bigger place in her fiancé's life than she would like, but it wasn't something she ever knew how to address.

Damon reached out and grabbed hold of her hand, giving her some sense of comfort in the midst of her nervousness. "Well, I guess we'll have a busy few weeks."

He was just tugging her toward him again when the focal point of her unease breezed into the room, resulting in Damon quickly dropping her hand and stepping further from her. Elena halted, her doe-eyed gaze bouncing between them for several moments before she quietly said to Damon, "Your brother says you have to cook dinner because of what you did to Sawyer."

Damon rolled his eyes and groaned. "Whatever, he's just being lazy." His annoyance didn't stop him from moving toward the fridge though to check what his brother had in there. "Tell him he has to eat what I cook whether he likes it or not."

Elena swiftly nodded and bolted from the room. Andie stared at the spot she'd quickly fled, and asked, "So, I guess we're eating dinner here?"

After he had pulled out a pack of chicken, he turned to face Andie. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, "I just thought, since I just got back, we could have some time alone."

Damon paused for a moment before waving her thinly veiled request off. "This won't take more than a couple hours, and then we'll have the rest of the night together. Sound good?"

No, it didn't sound good. She could count on one hand the nights they'd gotten together since they were engaged, but she nodded her head anyway. "Yeah, sounds good."

He flashed her a bright smile that made butterflies flutter in her stomach, even if she was less than thrilled with what her night was shaping up to be. "Good."

She sat down on the stool at the island and watched him effortlessly weave around the kitchen, never looking for a recipe or appearing the least bit confused. It had always been one of her favorite things to do, watch Damon cook. It was such a stark contrast from the man many believed him to be, and she found it to be fascinating and a turn on. There was something very seductive about a man who knew his way around a kitchen.

It even might have been how she realized she was in love with him. It had been several years since she came to that realization, but from what she remembered it was watching him in the kitchen that made her understand it then. He was cooking her something she liked, probably Chicken Parmesan, and talking about his mother teaching him how to cook. He had a wistful look in his eyes as he spoke of his mother, and a youthful smile on his face that completely captivated her mind, body, and soul. It had made everything so real. Suddenly he was more than the privileged bad boy that everyone thought he was, and she loved him.

She stayed silent for months after she realized her feelings, too scared to run him off. He was still just a guy scared of commitment back then, and she hadn't wanted to lose him. That fear of losing him had driven many of her decisions back in college. She'd let him get away with far more behavior than she should have, but she'd loved him and the other things just didn't seem that important then, not like they did now. She'd been able to justify so many things he had done, but now, as she had seemingly found herself in the same situation all these years later, the desire to justify his behavior wasn't as strong as it once had been.

She didn't know where she drew the line anymore. When they first got back together, she'd drawn a very clear line in the sand that she wouldn't cross. She had very set rules for what she would and wouldn't tolerate from him. And somehow over the course of their relationship the line had blurred. She knew it was because things had been going on that she originally wouldn't stand for. That had come to her attention the moment she realized what he'd been keeping from her about Elena, but she'd stayed. When many would have left, she always stayed. Sometimes she wondered if she always would.

Her phone rang in her purse, pulling her from her thoughts and jolting her back to reality. She quickly dug it out of her purse and saw her father's name staring up at her. Before she could second-guess herself, she ignored the call and put her phone on silent. "Sorry about that," she apologized to Damon as she put her phone back in her purse.

He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Your dad?" She silently nodded her response. "Did he not take it well when you told him you were coming back to New York?"

That had been an understatement. Her father had been furious. He hated Damon and the fact that she was so determined to marry him, so her abandoning his campaign to go home to the man he hated did not sit well with him. She wouldn't even be surprised if he'd insisted on her traveling with him so much simply because it would keep her from Damon.

It was all one big Catch-22 though. Because even if he couldn't stand Damon and the impending wedding, he'd made it very clear that nothing could happen to jeopardize his campaign. Apparently a called off engagement would do just that, so she thought this had been his way of dealing with the engagement. If he had her on the road instead of back in New York City with Damon it was better than nothing.

"He'll get over it," she assured Damon and he turned back to the stove. "I can't do everything he wants me to."

"You sure do most of it though," he spoke up, and she flinched at the cold tone of his voice.

"Stop," she pleaded tiredly. She'd already fought with her dad about Damon today, she didn't want to fight about her Dad with Damon too. "Just be nice for once?"

"What are you talking about? I'm always nice."

"Let's just drop it, okay? We aren't going to get anywhere talking about my dad."

Damon set a top over the pot and turned toward her. He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "We have to talk about him at some point, you know? The man hates me."

"Yeah, well your dad hated Elena, but I doubt you were all that willing to talk about that." It was a low blow and one she probably shouldn't have made, but this was the absolute last thing she wanted to talk about.

He nodded his head, a taut grimace on his face. "You know what, I think I've got things covered in here. Why don't you go tell them that dinner is almost ready?"

Feeling dejected, she tiredly nodded and slid from the stool. She had officially pissed him off and she'd just have to give him some space for a bit. Hopefully, he would cool down enough before they went home, because she did not want to spend her first night back in a fight with him.

She entered the living room and saw Caroline and Elena hovering over Sawyer, whispering rapidly to each other. The moment they heard footsteps their heads shot up and they immediately fell silent. Varying degrees of guilt flashed across both of their faces, but they smiled at her nonetheless, trying to appear welcoming. "Hey," Caroline greeted.

"Damon says dinner is almost ready," she informed them stiffly.

This whole interaction was like déjà vu. It seemed that almost every time she entered a room the conversation would immediately shift or stop altogether. She didn't know exactly what was being spoken about that she shouldn't hear every single time, but she had some ideas, and they all involved Damon.

"Um, I'll go set the table." Elena hopped up from the floor and ran past Andie. She never seemed to stay in a room very long once Andie was in it. Sometimes it felt like the woman was in a race with herself to see how quickly she could flee the room. She calculated that it never really took more than five minutes. It hadn't always been like that, but around the time she and Damon got engaged, it had started. Granted, she'd been around a lot less frequently since then, but it was enough to know that the woman was avoiding her.

"Don't you even think about it!" Damon's voice sounded through the penthouse, a definitive threat in his tone.

"I'm just helping." Andie tensed at the sound of Elena's defensive voice.

"Yeah, well don't. You're banned from kitchens for a reason. Go be useful and make some drinks or something. Just stay out of this kitchen."

Even though she couldn't see Damon's face or what was really happening between Damon and Elena, she could hear the warmth and teasing that had quickly returned in his voice. Where there was once anger and bitterness that laced every word he spoke to Elena, she now heard something completely different. Everything had changed.

Elena came stalking out of the kitchen, a scowl on her face, and her arms packed full with plates and silverware, but the moment she spotted Andie staring at her she froze, her eyes wide. She could see the understanding dawn on Elena's face as she realized that Andie had heard everything, and guilt was ever-present once again. She seemed to look that way a lot.

"Need some help?" Caroline quickly spoke up from behind Andie. "I'll show you how I like everything set up."

The blonde rushed past her and grabbed hold of Elena's arm to drag her off toward the dining room, only briefly flashing an apologetic grin over her shoulder before they disappeared.

Soft footsteps sounded from behind her and she turned to see Stefan walking toward his son that was wide awake in his swing, his small eyes looking about the room. "Don't take it personally," he advised. "Those two have a tendency to live in their own little bubble."

She watched him pick up Sawyer and adjust him gently in his arms. Once he had his son adjusted she asked, "Caroline and Elena, or your brother and Elena?"

She knew she shouldn't ask Stefan a question like that. Damon was his brother and she knew those two well enough to know that they'd lie under oath for the other, but she had asked it anyway. She knew that even if Stefan would lie for Damon, she'd still have a few moments to read his real thoughts before he composed himself enough to keep them all far from everyone else.

Sure enough, his face told her everything she had thought it would. Her question hadn't been that far-fetched. Damon and Elena had somehow shifted again since her last visit. Things had changed once again, and she was even further out of the loop than she had been before.

"He loves you," Stefan quickly assured her. "You should know that."

"I do," she acknowledged. If there was one thing she never wavered on, it was that. She knew Damon did love her. She saw it and she felt it in so many things that he did, but she knew there was so much more to it all.

"And he wants to marry you."

That was what she wavered on. Did he really want to marry her, or did he just think he did? She wasn't sure, and she was always too scared to ask. She didn't know if she really wanted to hear his answer, or hear where it might lead. It could open up a lot of doors she would rather keep closed because she was scared of what was behind them.

"Sometimes I wonder," she sighed. She didn't know why she was revealing that to Stefan, but it was out before she could keep it in.

Stefan walked toward her, a cautious look in his eyes. "Talk to him. I think there are things you two need to discuss."

"Like what?" She knew he wouldn't answer that question and she wouldn't even have the benefit of catching him off guard to give her a real idea, but she asked it anyway.

"Dinner's ready." Before Stefan could even have the chance of deflecting her question, Damon entered the room, dinner in his hands. He stopped when he saw her talking to his brother and eyed them suspiciously for several moments. He was probably having some unspoken conversation with his brother right in front of her, but she could decipher none of it. "Stefan, go get the rest of dinner." His brother silently obliged, knowing when to keep his mouth shut and flee the scene. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Andie quickly replied.

Damon narrowed his eyes at her, but then began to slowly back away. "You're a really crappy liar. I hope you know that."

She watched him disappear into the dining room and she knew he was right. She was a crappy liar, and apparently everyone thought so. For having a fiancé that seemed to be a master at lying, she was no match for him in any way.

Stefan reappeared a moment later, a dish in his free hand. "Ready for dinner?" he asked.

She allowed him to walk ahead of her, and once he was sufficiently in front of her, she whispered, "As I'll ever be."

Dinner with this group wasn't always an easy task. She didn't fit in well. Everyone was all connected in some way that she just wasn't. Damon was her one and only real connection in this group, and that often resulted in her being left out of many things that went on when everyone got together. Granted, everyone wasn't here tonight, but it was still enough to let her know just how much she didn't fit in.

It was awkward and uncomfortable, even with Damon trying to include her. He was able to put his apparent frustration with her aside enough to try and not completely exclude her, but as everyone talked around the dinner table, she was made acutely aware of just how much she'd missed out on during her time on the road. She hadn't even realized that Alaric was living with his girlfriend now. Alaric, who could barely get through a day sober, was in a serious relationship?

The whole thing was aggravating, as she had to continuously ask questions to try and keep up with half of what was being said, and even with those answers, she still wasn't able to connect all of the dots. Part of the reason, she speculated, was because partial details were being purposely left out. She got the sense that many things had happened while she was away that nobody wanted to mention.

And then there was Damon and Elena, who were a frustration all on their own. Her suspicions had been correct, things had changed while she was gone. There was still a definite tension that could be detected, but there were also small moments that made her notice some differences. There were glances that would linger for just a few moments too long, small smiles that they would share before they'd realize what was happening, and quickly hid again. There seemed to be several stories about Sawyer that included both of them, sometimes without Caroline or Stefan present in any of them.

Something was definitely going on, and by the time dinner had ended and they were all relaxing in the living room, she could feel herself reaching her limit. She tried to be cordial though, and participate in the conversation that Caroline pulled her into, discussing something about Sawyer and Giuseppe, and how captivated the rigid man was by his grandson. She also gave Andie the warning that Giuseppe wanted another grandchild, so to be prepared for him to say something soon.

While being distracted by Caroline she had not noticed that both Damon and Elena had left the room, but when she briefly glanced up, she found it hard to focus on the conversation any longer. She watched a scene she'd seen play out many times over the past year in various forms. Damon walked into the room, his head down, making an extra effort to blend in and appear as if he hadn't been gone at all. He went straight to his brother's side, much like he always did, and they shared a look, but said nothing.

If it was anything like what had been happening for almost a year, Elena would soon slip back into the room after another five minutes, her movements jerky and quick. It was always the same, no matter where they were. The only variation that might occur would be if Elena came out first and Damon appeared a few minutes later, but it all meant the same thing. She wouldn't let it be the that way today though. She was changing the script.

With Damon distracted by Sawyer, she used the opportunity to quickly end her conversation with Caroline and slip off back toward the guest room. It was a risky move, but one she felt she finally had to make. There was a conversation she'd been putting off for a long time, and after everything she'd just witnessed, she didn't think she could ignore it all any longer.

Elena heaved a deep sigh as she turned on her feet, and she was already midstep before her eyes caught Andie and she jumped in surprise. A startled noise fell from her lips, and her hand shot to her chest. "Oh god," she gasped, "You scared me."

"Sorry," Andie apologized softly.

The short brunette nervously glanced around the room and then back at her. "You probably came to use the bathroom. I'll get out of your way."

She moved toward the doorway, but Andie quickly moved in front of the space, blocking her path to freedom. "Wait."

"Is something wrong?" Elena's weight shifted from foot to foot after she stopped in front of Andie. "Do you need something?"

Andie gave nothing but silence, unable to speak, which wasn't a very good thing, seeing as that was what she'd come in here for.

"You're not the only one who loves him."

Okay, so that wasn't the smoothest start she'd ever had to a conversation, but it would have to do.

Elena balked at her words. "Excuse me?"

"I know you love him, but you're not the only one."

Elena quickly began shaking her head back and forth, her chestnut hair flying behind her. "Andie, if I've done something –"

"I'm in love with him too. I know that has to be hard for you, believe me, I know, but I do love him."

"I'd never say you didn't," Elena insisted and maybe against her better judgment or maybe in it, Andie believed the younger woman.

But she still continued on, not content to walk away yet. "I know you have a past with him, and that past is complicated. I am so sorry that you lost your baby, and I am sorry that Damon isn't with you. I am truly, truly sorry. When you left he needed someone, and somehow I became that person. I know my relationship with him isn't perfect and that we have our issues, but they're ours. He's with me. He proposed to me. He chose me." Her voice grew thick as she tried to speak around the lump in her throat, and her eyes burned with unshed tears. "Please," she begged of the other woman, "He chose me."

Elena began to quickly nod, a sullen expression on her face. She inhaled a shaky breath and wrapped her arms tightly around her midriff. "I'm really sorry, Andie. I never meant for –" she quickly stopped herself. Turmoil swirled in her brown eyes as she released a dejected sigh. "I'm sorry."

The brunette rushed toward the door and this time Andie let her leave. There was nothing else that she could say or do. There really hadn't been anything to begin with. Elena wasn't the problem. It was easy to make Elena the bad 'guy' in her head, because Elena wasn't who she was in love with. It was much easier to believe that Elena was pursuing Damon instead of letting her mind go in the direction that was probably closer to the truth.

Damon wasn't a man that could be pursued if he didn't want to be. So, if Elena was going after him, it was only because he wanted it. And that was where the real problem was. Whatever was going on between Damon and Elena, he was an active participant.

Maybe she was even a participant in it herself. Ever since her father announced his plan to run for presidency, he'd dragged her all over the country to trot her out as the perfect daughter. A presidential candidate had to be a family man, so it was her duty and her brother's duty to be on the campaign trail every step of the way. That traveling had kept her away from Damon for most of their engagement. Some days they wouldn't even talk, and when they did, sometimes they barely got far beyond how their day was.

Now she was back, with time running out before the wedding, and nothing felt how it should. Her fiancé had barely seemed happy to have her back. She could feel everyone's eyes on her everywhere she moved in the house. She was being watched like they all knew something she didn't, and none of them knew how to tell her. It felt quite reminiscent of how things were after Elena returned. For those first couple of months, she'd told herself she was wrong and being paranoid, there wasn't anything going on behind her back.

She had ignored every single instinct she had as an investigative journalist. She'd convinced herself that she was just treating everything like a job. She knew she had a tendency to do that. It was hard to turn off that instinct, but she'd forced herself to. And then she'd been proved totally right. She hadn't been paranoid about anything. Everyone had been hiding something from her, all because Damon refused to be honest.

That was what so many things always seemed to come back to with them, his lack of honesty. While most people would run in the other direction when a significant other wasn't being honest, she saw it differently. She saw an underlying issue there. Something kept him from telling her. He felt like he couldn't tell her, whether it was to protect himself or shield her, his dishonesty was always about some form of protection.

He hadn't told her about why his relationship with Elena had ended because he'd been trying to protect himself. The miscarriage and subsequent loss of Elena had left him reeling, and he'd tried to shut it all out. He didn't know how to discuss that period in his life, so he hadn't. It was only when the truth had been revealed that they finally talked about it all.

She had been ready to walk away that day in the Hamptons, to leave and never look back. When the time came for her to get in the car and leave, she hadn't been able to do it. He had been so sincere and heartfelt in that moment, that she couldn't leave him. So, she'd agreed to go upstairs with him and talk, and if she had still wanted to leave after that, he would have taken her to New York himself.

They'd spent several hours in his room that day, talking about all the things he'd kept from her, all of the pain and confusion he'd felt after the miscarriage and after Elena left him. He did something rare that day and showed her a side of him that he always tried to keep hidden. He was vulnerable and honest, the man she always knew he was inside. And by the time it was all said and done, her strength had been gone. Because that's how it was with Damon, you could hate him one minute and be completely in love with him the next. When he opened himself up, it was impossible to turn him away, and she hadn't.

Everything changed after that. There was a new communication that hadn't been there in a long time. They were able to talk in a way they hadn't before, and she had known they were on the path to something great, to something that they were meant to be. So when he showed up that morning at her apartment, all flustered and out of breath to get down on one knee without any big speech, she hadn't hesitated to say yes. She'd honestly believed they were in a great place. It was only when she got back after Christmas to find him beaten and swollen on his couch that she realized everything had shifted, and she had no way to put it back on track.

Then, before she could ever address anything, her father had her out on the road, sometimes thousands of miles away from Damon for weeks at a time. That communication that they'd worked on so hard to build up started to crumble again, and she was left helpless. She couldn't go home and he couldn't come to her. All they had was the phone, and it could only do so much. So, she continued with planning the wedding, convincing herself that if she could just get them through this, they'd come together soon and put everything back the way it needed to be.

"Andie?" She jumped at the sound of her name and looked up to find Caroline standing awkwardly in the doorway. A confused but warm smile spread over her face. "What are you doing back here?"

"Sorry," she quickly apologized, "I had to make a phone call, business stuff."

"Okay," Caroline smiled warmly, "Well, Damon was looking for you. I told him I'd try to find you."

"Thanks, I'll go talk to him." She brushed past the blonde and went to find Damon in the living room. When he looked up and noticed her walking in, he came toward her, quickly closing the distance between them. "You were looking for me?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "You ready to go."

More than he would ever know.

"Yes, please."

He quickly said his goodbyes to everyone and she did as well, but she and Elena, who was sitting at the edge of the couch, making sure to not make eye contact with her, said nothing to each other. What was left to say? They both loved the same man, and neither of them could change that.

But as she and Damon made their way back to his place, she couldn't quite shake the feeling that Stefan had been right when he said they needed to talk. Everything with Elena and Damon wasn't all one-sided. Damon was a participant in a lot of it, that she knew. She didn't know exactly what his part was, but she knew everything hadn't been of Elena's doing.

Broaching the topic with Damon was much harder than talking to Elena though. There was no telling how Damon might react, especially since she already wasn't his favorite person after their small disagreement in Stefan's kitchen. It was a hard thing to do, but she knew she had to do it. She couldn't go through with this marriage without them having at least one talk. Something had to be done, had to change. She just didn't know what. She didn't even know if Damon would know what, but she had to do something.

"Been spending a lot of time at your brother's?" she questioned as she watched Damon put his toothbrush back in its place several hours later. It took her until that moment to even attempt to bring anything up, and based on the tension she saw in Damon's shoulders, she knew that he had suspected something was coming.

His brows furrowed in confusion, but he answered, "Yeah."

"And I guess Elena's been there a lot too?"

Damon rolled his eyes and strode past Andie, out of the bathroom "You know, for an investigative journalist, you're doing a really crappy job of getting information out of me."

His observation was correct, as far as her abilities went, she was utilizing none of them in this moment. If this was how she conducted herself with pieces she was investigating, she'd never have a job in journalism for the rest of her career. That didn't mean it was something Damon should point out right now though. They were at home, where she wasn't working, and he should treat her otherwise. "Well, forgive me for not wanting to see you as a source I'm using to find out what's going on behind my back."

"That's just it though, Andie." Damon turned on his heel to face her approaching figure as she followed him into the bedroom. "Nothing has been going on behind your back these past few weeks. There's nothing you need to dig for."

"Really? Cause that's not the impression your brother left me with."

He thought she didn't notice whenever he'd get very specific about instances with Elena in their fights. He was always careful to mention fairly exact windows of time. 'Right now,' 'nothing had happened in the past few weeks,' but what about before those few weeks? She wasn't stupid. She knew there was a reason he'd never said that nothing had happened between him and Elena the whole time they'd been together.

"Yeah, well my brother's an idiot, so I wouldn't take anything he says very seriously."

"You must think I'm the idiot if you can convince yourself that I'd believe that for a second."

Something had gone on between Damon and Elena after she got back from Chicago and Andie knew it. In fact, if she was a betting woman, she could probably pinpoint that time with some pretty good accuracy, and that estimate would be right around Christmas. She knew something big had to have happened for Stefan to do what he did to Damon's face. It had to have been something bad, because after that Elena was gone and the brothers barely even spoke. After Christmas everyone had shut him out, and it had only been Sawyer's birth that made things go back to normal. Well, as normal as anything could be with Damon's family.

"You're not exactly showing much intellectual capability at the moment, so if the shoe fits ... "

Andie laughed out loud in Damon's face. "I always knew you were fucking delusional, but I think this moment has to take the cake. Are you seriously standing here trying to convince me that what's real is just something in my imagination?"

"Maybe if you were actually _here_, you wouldn't have to try and interrogate me, and accuse me of things I'm not doing!"

"Oh, so this is my fault?" she demanded.

"You're never here!" he shouted. "I'm having a relationship with my phone. So you don't get to come in here and get mad that I'm spending time with my nephew instead of sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, because my fiancée would rather spend time with her asshole father who hates me than be with me."

Andie huffed and stormed out of the bedroom. "Don't you bring my father into this. You don't get to deflect this on me. I'm not the one who is in the wrong here."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"It means that it's not my fault that you're still in love with your ex-girlfriend!" she shot back. She whirled around and shoved a finger in his direction. "Just because I'm not crying foul, it doesn't mean that you haven't done something wrong." She watched the fight flood out of Damon, and she immediately knew that every gut instinct she'd had since the moment Elena blew into her life had been right. "Have you really spent all this time thinking I just didn't notice?"

"I don't know," he sighed, and she knew she'd truly caught him off guard, something that very rarely happened to him. "I guess, yeah," he jerkily nodded his head, "I told myself if you weren't saying anything, you didn't know. I don't think I convinced myself, but I tried."

She blew out a broken laugh. "Guess that shows you really do think I'm an idiot." She dropped onto the couch, feeling defeated and tired. They were getting married in a matter of weeks, and this was not how she'd wanted things to be. They were supposed to be excited and ready to be a married couple, not fighting over betrayals. "Not that I've really looked very smart for these past few months."

Damon joined her on the couch and quietly said, "You don't look like an idiot."

"Your own brother, the most oblivious person on the planet, can see what is going on here. I look like a fool."

"Andie," he turned to face her, "I didn't plan for anything –"

"Don't." She held up a hand to silence him before he could finish. She knew what was coming next: the confession he didn't think he'd really have to make. And, with a decision that would probably seem idiotic to everyone, she didn't want to hear it. "I don't want to know. Whatever you're going to say you did, I don't want to know."

Confusion flashed across his features. "What?"

"I know that something happened. Whether it was physical or emotional, I don't know, and I don't want to know."

"So, what are you saying?"

"That I'm delusional?" She shrugged her shoulder and rolled her moisture filled eyes. "When I first found out you were dating Katherine, I thought she was the woman I would have to fight to win your heart, if that time ever came. Even after the two of you divorced and we met up again, when you were with Elena, I still thought Katherine was the threat. By the time I realized Elena was the clear and present danger, it was too late, I was in too deep. Cause that's the thing, Damon, come hell or high water, I have loved you in some shape or form since we were twenty years old. Whether as a friend or a lover, I've always loved you, and this time around I truly fell in love with you. I was too focused on Katherine coming back in to see you were still in love with Elena."

"Andie," Damon interrupted her, reaching out to grasp her hands, "I love you. You have to know that. I do love you."

"I know," she tearfully admitted. "That's what sucks. I do know that. I know you love me. I've never doubted that. But you love her too."

His eyes fell away from her gaze. "It's complicated."

Andie sighed and leaned back against the couch, too drained to stay upright on her own. "Isn't everything with you?"

He turned broken eyes on her, blue orbs filled with so much pain and longing that it crushed her inside. All she'd ever wanted was to make things better for him, and each time she was reminded that there were still very pivotal parts of him that were still broken, she felt like she'd failed in some way, that she'd let him down.

"I love you. You're one of my best friends."

"But you don't marry a friend, Damon."

But he was hers too. Through the good and the bad, he was her best friend. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She truly believed that he brought out something better in her, and she believed she did the same for him. When they were allowed the time to just be together, alone and away from everyone else; that was when they worked. It was those moments that they made sense.

"It's more than that," he insisted, squeezing her hands in his grasp. "I find it hard to put into words, but you're like my calm in the storm. When everything around me is falling apart, you bring me back in from it all. You keep me sane when I'm losing control. When my life was nothing but chaos, you helped it all make sense again."

The problem was, his words didn't match his behavior. She was completely open and honest with him, whether he wanted to hear it or not. It felt like she never got the same in return though. He actively chose to lie to her on multiple occasions, and that was what she found it so hard to wrap her mind around at times. If he loved her and she was his best friend, why did he lie to her so much?

"I feel like you're always lying to me."

"I don't want to lose you. I want you in my life, forever. You've been a constant in my life for ten years, even when we didn't really see each other after I married Katherine. You've always meant so much to me, and you always will. _I love you_."

"But how is lying to me going to keep me, if I still find out anyway? Then, not only do I find out what you're scared about for me to know, but I'll find out that you lied to me, and that makes it so much worse."

"Then I'll be honest. I'll tell you everything, and you can make your decision knowing it all."

"Please don't," she begged him.

Andie understood that she sounded like one walking contradiction. She told him she didn't want to know the truth, but then got mad at him for keeping it from her, and then asked him to lie to her again. She knew she must sound like she was finally starting to snap, but she knew she couldn't hear what had happened with him and Elena.

"You said you wanted me to be honest."

"I know that you'd be honest with me right now if I wanted you to, that you'd lay it all out there for me, but I can't hear it. Please, if you really love me, just don't tell me."

Damon thought he was the only one under pressure, that he was the only one people were counting on, but she was being counted on too. Her father was a man with high standards, ones that felt impossible to meet most of the time, but it never stopped her from trying. Even in her thirties, she still felt like that little girl just wanting her dad's approval, and calling off her wedding would not be a way to gain that.

The first thing her dad told her when she announced her engagement to Damon was that she'd better be sure, because there was no going back. He was running for president, and there was no room for error from anyone in his family. She didn't know if she'd be able to face him if she called off the wedding, and she didn't know if she'd be able to go through with the wedding if she knew the truth that Damon now seemed willing to share with her.

It felt like a mess, and like this wasn't the way anything was supposed to be, but it was. This was her reality, and she had to make it work. She had to focus on her love for Damon and the fact that he loved her. She'd just have to hope that with time, he'd find closure from his relationship with Elena.


	39. Ships In the Night

Author's Note: Well, here we are with another chapter. A HUGE thanks has to go out to my beta, who makes my midnight writing make sense. She has been so great through these last few chapters. I bombard her all the time with emails. So, thank you, Sandra! You rock! This chapter is another one that's a bit different, but not in the way I'm sure you all think. I don't know...we'll see. So, enjoy!

**Chapter 38**

**Like ships in the night  
>You keep passing me by<br>We're just wasting time  
>Trying to prove who's right<strong>

Bonnie sighed as she tossed her suitcase on one of the queen size beds in the hotel room. "Well, here we are." She walked over to the window and looked out at the bright city. "This is certainly no New York." After what felt like one epically long day, they were finally in Nashville.

The mention of the city she'd just fled was a cruel reminder of why she was here to begin with. It wasn't for a fun girl's trip. She was here because she'd been humiliated and had her heart broken. She'd put it all on the line one last time, and had it shoved back in her face just like before.

A part of her wished she could be mad at Damon, but she had lost that ability long ago. This felt like their twisted cycle. She started it when she ran off to Chicago two years ago. Today, he ended it. For two years, this push and pull with Damon was what she'd known. Though it caused her immense amounts of pain, she never truly stopped feeling the love. She never stopped loving him. But now it was all over. She had to find a way to move on, how to live her life without this dynamic that they'd formed, always hoping that it would end in the way she had wanted it to. It was over, and she didn't know where to go.

"What am I gonna do, Bonnie?" Her friend twisted in front of the window to look back at Elena's tear-filled eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Bonnie's brows furrowed in confusion. "I thought you came to talk to Matt."

"Because I didn't know where else to go, Bonnie. I'm almost 26 and my life is in shambles. The man I love is married to someone else now. I've left nothing but brokenhearted men in my past. And, for some reason, standing in that airport, this seemed like a good idea. I spent a year apologizing to Damon, but I never really gave Matt one, and he deserved one too."

"Have you thought this out beyond tomorrow?"

Elena shook her head. "No."

Bonnie slowly came toward her, a sad look on her face. "Did you think anything out today?"

"No." She sniffled and shook her head. "I think I just thought it would work. Everything points to the fact that Damon loves me. I thought he just needed me to tell him how I felt."

"I'm not trying to be mean or say you're wrong, but I just have to ask. Why did you suddenly decide to go to him again today? The last time we talked, you weren't even talking to him, let alone thinking about asking him to not get married."

* * *

><p>"Oh my goodness, why are you so cute?" Elena asked Sawyer, squeezing his chubby tummy from her place hovering above him. He was laid out on the couch, and had just sneezed the most adorable sneeze she'd ever heard in her life. "I could eat you up!" She leaned over and littered his face with kisses.<p>

At just a few months old, Sawyer Damon Salvatore had totally and completely captured her heart, and just about every other heart of every person he'd met since he came into this world. The night of his birth had been a painful and joyous time for her, but now she was utterly in love with him. There was no longer sadness that crept up on her when she was around him, no pain lingering in her heart. He seemed to heal everything wrong in her world with one little gurgle or kick of his feet. It was only when she would return home to a quiet, empty apartment that reality would sink back in and rest heavily on her chest, but when she was with him, she felt none of it. He was the perfect medicine.

"Let's see how adorable he is when he wakes you up at one in the morning and refuses to go back to sleep." Eventhough she was already dressed up in a nice dress and had her hair curled nicely, Caroline was sprawled out at the other end of the couch, a pillow over her face and a blanket pulled up to her chin. She was a far cry from the Caroline she'd been a few years ago. That Caroline would have died before she risked getting one hair out of place, but this Caroline really didn't seem to care.

Though she didn't look it at the moment, she'd taken to motherhood the moment Sawyer had been placed in her arms. She absolutely loved it, and she loved him. However, as she'd told Elena when she got here twenty minutes ago, last night had been a rough one. Caroline's perfect baby boy had transformed into a cranky mess last night, leaving both parents exhausted. While Caroline at least got to stay home, Stefan was already back in school, working to get his doctorate.

"Aw," Elena cooed down at Sawyer, "I could never think you are anything but adorable."

"Well, I know that I can. I don't even know how I found the energy to shower and get ready for this stupid dinner." Elena could see her head shaking back and forth from beneath the pillow. "I almost talked myself out of it, but then I realized I was probably starting to smell. Oh, and he peed on me today. Did you know that boys did that?"

With every ounce of willpower she had in her, Elena fought to contain her laughter, grateful for the pillow covering Caroline's face. "I've heard something like that."

Caroline shot up like a pistol, causing the pillow to fall with a soft thud to the floor. "Well, you could've told me. I was giving him a bath, and then _bam_, he nailed me right in my face. It was horrible, and all Stefan could do was laugh. He didn't hand me a towel or anything." A small snort slipped through her tightly sealed lips and Caroline glared at her. "Oh, let's see how much you're laughing when he pees on you."

Elena looked down at Sawyer, who was kicking his little feet and squirming around on the couch. She tickled his stomach and cooed, "This precious baby would never do that to me, would you?" Despite Caroline's small rant, Elena took none of it seriously. Her friend was exhausted and had gone without some of her favorite things for god knows how long, and she was getting a little testy. She didn't mean what she said. Elena knew she still thought her son was the most adorable baby to ever exist on this planet, and no amount of pee in her face could change that.

"Traitor," Caroline mumbled.

"Okay, let's go, we're gonna be late." Stefan breezed into the room, his undone tie hanging around his neck.

Caroline, who had lain back down, lifted her head high enough to look at her husband. "I don't feel good. I don't think I should go." She put her hand over her mouth and blew out a pitiful fake cough. "I think I'm getting sick."

Stefan rolled his eyes and walked over to the couch, where he grabbed onto her hands and pulled her to her feet. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"Right now? Pretty stupid," she deadpanned. "Come on, don't make me go. Damon doesn't want me there anyway. He's not my biggest fan right now."

"I can't imagine why."

Elena curiously glanced up from Sawyer to watch the small tiff developing between Stefan and Caroline. Last she'd heard, Damon and Caroline were as good as ever. He'd been over here pretty much every day since Sawyer was born. And she'd know, seeing as she'd been successfully avoiding him for the past few weeks.

"Because for a man that demands honesty, he can't freaking handle it," she whispered harshly. "I don't want to go support this farce. I'd rather spend an evening with my son."

"Caroline," Stefan said warningly, "Don't start."

"Don't give me that tone," his wife snapped.

"Do you two need me to leave?" she spoke up quietly from a few feet away, not really in the mood to watch this lovers' quarrel.

Stefan turned to look at her and held his hand up, signaling for her to stay put. "No, Elena, you're going to stay and we're going to leave." He retrieved Caroline's purse from the table and pushed it into her chest. "Let's go, Care."

"I don't want to go."

"Too bad." Stefan grabbed her arm and began to drag her toward the door. "We'll be back in a few hours, Elena. We left instructions about his routine in the kitchen. Have fun, but don't get my son drunk or hooked on cigars."

She twisted her head around and watched her best friend unsuccessfully try to pull away from Stefan's grasp, but within moments, he had her out of the door and slammed it shut behind them.

"Well, kid," she said, turning back to look at Sawyer. "Looks like it's just you and me. Your dad kind of just killed my plans for us for the night, but I'm sure we can still have fun." He gurgled in response and she smiled down at him. "Thanks, I think you're pretty good company too." She sighed and looked around the empty living room. "So, what should we do to pass the time? You know of any good movies?" Sawyer stared up at her silently, of course. "Yeah, that sounded stupid to me too."

This was officially her first time alone with Sawyer. Caroline had decided to take more time off work, not ready to go back last month, and she had barely left his side for more than an hour since he'd been born. So, Sawyer was basically totally attached to his mother, and she really hoped he wouldn't freak out. She was great with him most of the time, but she did not know what she'd do if he got fussy.

Maybe she should have spent more time this week watching Caroline with Sawyer instead of watching the door. She and Damon were knee-deep in their "normal" pattern once again. Every time he walked through that front door, she walked out of it minutes later. Since her talk with Andie a few weeks ago, she'd been avoiding Damon, something she was sure he'd caught onto. There had been nothing that either of them had done to result in her pulling away yet again, so she knew it had to be a confusing thing for him, but she had no idea how to explain it.

Right after Sawyer was born, things changed with them yet again, just like they always did. There was something about having a baby around that pulled them together in a way she hadn't realized could happen. There was just something about Sawyer. Whenever they were around him, things seemed almost simple. When she watched him with his nephew, it was so hard not to see the man she'd fallen in love with, and remember what they were once supposed to have. It was all so natural, and she'd allowed herself to lose sight of reality during that time.

So, when Andie came back to prepare for the wedding, it had been a brutal reminder that it hadn't been reality. They'd almost been playing pretend with Sawyer. Damon was engaged to another woman and she shouldn't have allowed herself to overlook that so easily. When Andie tracked her down in that guest bedroom that day, she had just been recovering from yet another conversation there with Damon.

There had been no kissing or talk of feelings in that room, but it still probably wasn't very appropriate. He'd followed her in to apologize to her about Andie unexpectedly showing up. It had been awkward and confusing. She had no idea what to even say in response to his apology. She didn't even know what to think about it, and before she'd been able to really process any of it, she'd turned around and found Andie in the doorway.

It had been the first conversation she'd had with the woman since the weekend of Stefan's birthday last year, and so many things had changed since then. She hadn't been face to face with Andie very much since she slept with Damon, but when she was forced to stand in front of her, she was hit with an overwhelming amount of guilt for the pain she'd inadvertently caused this other woman.

So much became clear in that room, and she had to finally realize that Andie had seen far more than she had originally thought. As she looked into her glassy brown eyes, she saw a woman who was simply in love with a man who held tremendous power over her, just like Elena was. They were alike in far more ways than she ever knew, and that somehow made it hard to watch the other woman cry and beg her to stay away from Damon.

When things were good with Damon, it was so easy to ignore the fact that he had another woman in his life, and she'd allowed herself to do that after Sawyer was born. As Andie so tearfully pointed out to her though, he hadn't chosen her. He proposed to Andie, and for some reason he was still continuing to choose her. No matter what conversations they may find themselves in, or how nice it might have been to watch him with Sawyer, he was still going through with the wedding, and she needed to live with it.

It was the very last thing she wanted to accept most days, but she needed to. She'd put it all on the line for him before and he had chosen differently. Would it really change anything if she did that again?

Sawyer began to fuss below her, kicking his feet in the air as he squirmed and cried. "Aw, buddy," she picked him up and nestled him into her arms. "What's wrong?" She looked up at the clock across the room and realized it was probably time for him to eat. "You hungry? Is that why you're crying?"

She really had no idea why she bothered to even ask Sawyer any questions. Obviously, he wasn't going to answer her or give her any real response, but she still seemed to always find herself asking him things.

With him comfortable in her arms, she got up and went into the kitchen to prepare a bottle that Caroline had left in the fridge for her. Being that she'd prepared a handful of bottles since Caroline had started giving them to him, it was fairly easy to get one heated up and ready. Before he could get himself too worked up, she had him happily sucking away.

"Just like a typical Salvatore," she murmured to him. " Completely demonic when you're hungry, but totally silent once you've been given food."

Over the next few hours she managed to keep Sawyer content and quiet, but not long after his second bottle, he got fussy again, and not even his swing, which seemed to always calm him down, could soothe him. This precious child had turned into a monster in an instant and she was quickly running out of options on how to calm him down. After nearly an hour she realized that as long as she held him in her arms, he would quiet down after about fifteen minutes.

Armed with her newfound knowledge, she found a movie on television and laid down with him. Before long, he'd calmed down enough to stop crying, and soon after that, he was fast asleep on her chest, finally giving her eardrums a much needed break. However, the now serene living room combined with her comfortable position on the couch had her feeling exhausted, and some time after Kate Hudson redecorated Matthew McConaughey's apartment in a hideous shade of pink, everything faded away.

"Elena."

"Huh?" She was jolted awake as she heard her name and felt someone gently shake her shoulder. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, still heavy from sleep until she saw pristine blue eyes staring down at her. Confused, she said, "Damon?"

"Hey," he whispered. "Sorry, you were asleep."

She yawned and spread her fingers out over the soft material stretching across Sawyer's back. She must have fallen asleep sometime after he had. Slowly, she sat up, keeping a firm hold on Sawyer to try and keep him from awakening from his slumber. "What are you doing here? Where are Caroline and Stefan?"

He quickly glanced toward the door then back to her and shrugged. "I don't know, they must have gotten held up. Last I saw them, they were heading out right behind me."

"Oh, well, I guess I should go put Sawyer down before they get back." She stood up and found herself awkwardly closed in by Damon. She wobbled on her feet, the back of her knees pressing against the couch as she struggled to stay upright. Noticing that she was about to fall, he grabbed hold of her arms and steadied her as he moved out of her way. "Thank you," she said then rushed past him before anything else could happen.

She quickly escaped into Sawyer's darkened room to lay him gently in his crib. He went down without making a noise, and she was grateful that she hadn't woken him up with her shaky walking. With a smile on her face, she reached a hand into the crib again and ran her hand softly over his stomach. Sometimes it amazed her how something this innocent still existed in the world. With all of the loss and heartbreak she'd endured in her life, it was an amazing thing to see a child totally free of any concept of true pain. She hoped he'd never have to experience even a fourth of the pain she'd endured in her life.

"He's pretty amazing." Damon's quiet voice startled her and she swiftly pulled her hand away from Sawyer so she would not startle him. When she turned to him, eyes wide, his face fell and he quickly apologized, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"No," she swallowed thickly, "It's fine." She looked down at Sawyer and then sighed. "I should probably go now."

As if he hadn't heard her, he came further into the room, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "I know he's not mine, but sometimes I look at him, and I just feel horrible for the kid because he's related to me." She watched, frozen, as he approached the crib and stared down at his nephew, too stunned to say a word to him. "Whether I like it or not, he's going to look to me for some form of guidance, and what do I have to give him? My life is one series of mistakes."

His words now jolted her to attention and she moved away from him, shaking her head. "Damon," she breathed out, "I don't think –" she stumbled on her words, trying to force something from her lips, but she had nothing. She didn't know what to say. A part of her wanted to reach out and pull him into her arms, tell him how wrong he was, but another part of her told her it wasn't her job. Every time he got close to her now, all she saw was Andie's heartbroken face as she begged her to stay away from Damon, and that was a hard image to ignore.

He didn't let her get far before he threw out a question that halted her where she stood once again. "When did you know you were in over your head in Chicago?" He wasn't looking at her when he asked the question, and she so desperately wanted to grab his face and pull it around to look at her, because she had no idea what he was really asking her. Was this about him? Was it about her? Was it about them? What was it about?

"We shouldn't talk about this. Not tonight." It wasn't that she didn't want to talk about this. She'd been wanting to talk about Chicago since she got back, but he had just come from his rehearsal dinner. What was the point of even talking about it now?

He turned to her now, his blue eyes somehow shining in the room lit only by the light from the window in the room. "Just answer the question. Please."

Without thinking, the words fell from her lips before she could even stop them. "The first day I woke up in Chicago. That was when I knew."

"Hello?" The front door slammed and Elena jumped at the sound of Caroline's voice reverberating through the penthouse. Damon reached out to her, his mouth open to say something else, but before he could get the first sound out, she turned on her heel and fled the room. She rushed into the living room, grateful that her friend was home.

"Hey!" She smiled and rushed forward to hug her.

"Not that I'm not flattered, but where's my son?" Caroline asked, already pulling away and looking down the hallway. "Is he asleep?"

"Yeah, he fell asleep a little while ago, and I just put him down in his crib."

"Was he good tonight? He wasn't too fussy was he? I've never left him alone for this long, so I wasn't sure how he'd really be and –" Caroline trailed off as her eyes focused on something over Elena's shoulder again. "Damon?"

Stefan came around the corner at that precise moment and stared in wonderment at his brother too. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you guys I was coming back here after the dinner."

"Yeah, but how did you beat us?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know, guess my driver is better than a taxi." Damon was beside her now, and she could feel the heat pouring from his body.

"Okay, well, now that you guys are here, I should go. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Caroline." She gave the blonde's shoulder a friendly squeezed and slid past her to grab her purse and phone from the living room. She was quick retrieving them and before the trio realized what was happening, she was gone. And not a moment too soon it would seem, because the moment she shut the door, Colin was approaching it.

"Well, this is perfect timing."

She hadn't spent much time with Colin since she got back after the whole Christmas fiasco, and with Damon's wedding tomorrow, she'd called him up to see if he wanted to have a late night dinner. She needed a friend who wasn't involved in any of this and who understood where she was coming from. Colin was that guy for her. He'd been a good friend, and though Caroline still sometimes pushed the romance aspect, she was happy with what they were, and she suspected he was too. She needed some guy friends in her life that she didn't date and ruin.

"Caroline and Stefan just got home, so I was going to just wait for you in the lobby. Looks like it all worked out well though."

"So," he motioned her forward, "You ready to head out?"

"Yes," she nodded emphatically, "More than you know."

"Alright then, let's go."

She walked down the hallway, resisting the urge to look back at Caroline's door and run back toward it. She was doing the right thing. Damon should be with Caroline and Stefan right now, not talking to her about whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

"Elena!" They were almost to the elevator when Damon's voice called out from down the hallway. Nervous, she finally allowed herself to look over her shoulder and she saw Damon coming toward her, a confused look on his face as he stared at Colin.

Wanting to avoid anything, she turned to Colin and pointed to the elevator. "You should go get the elevator. This will only take a second." He watched her skeptically, searching her face for some signal that he shouldn't step away from her, even for a few feet, but when she nodded, he shrugged and did as she said. Once he was to the elevator she turned back in time to catch Damon before he got too close. "What are you doing?" she asked, meeting him somewhere in the middle of the distance that still separated them.

"What's he doing here?"

"It's nothing," she quickly explained, but then shook off her need to assure him about anything. "Does Caroline need something? Did I forget a book in there?"

"We weren't done back there, Elena."

"Damon," she began, but he cut her off.

"Can we just talk?"

"Elena," Colin called, "Elevator's here."

She looked over her shoulder to see him holding his arm out to block the doors from sliding shut. "I'm sorry," she apologized as she looked back at Damon. "I have to go."

"Just five minutes," he asked her. "I think this is important."

"Elena!"

Feeling torn in two completely different directions she closed her eyes and tried to figure out what she needed to do. Damon said he needed to talk to her and that it was important, but was it really, or was it just something Damon thought was important right now and wouldn't be anymore in ten minutes?

She looked at him waiting for an answer from her, and all she could hear was Andie telling her to just stay away and that he hadn't chosen her. Though it hurt and maybe didn't always feel like it, he chose Andie. He did _not_ choose her.

"I'm sorry." She backed away from him, trying not to let it affect her as she watched the realization cross his face over the fact that she was walking away from him right now. With a final shrug of her shoulders she turned and stepped into the elevator before it could start beeping at them for having the doors open for so long. And as the doors shut, all she saw was the look of bewilderment on Damon's face turn to anger.

"I see things with you and Damon are still as simple as ever," Colin commented from beside her, and she shot him an annoyed look. "Okay, point taken."

She had no idea what had just happened in that hallway, and she didn't know if she even wanted to try and figure it out. Was there really something important that Damon wanted to discuss with her, or did he make that up because he just didn't want her to go to dinner with Colin. Knowing Damon, there was a fifty/fifty shot that it was either one.

"So, where do you want to go to dinner?"

"There's a good Italian place a few blocks away. That sound good to you?"

Anything sounded good to her. She was starving!

"Yeah, that works."

They remained quiet as they made their way to the restaurant and got a seat inside, but soon after their drinks were delivered, Colin stopped ignoring the elephant in the room and asked, "So, what is going on with you and Damon? And don't tell me nothing, cause that was not nothing."

"Colin," she sighed.

"Hey, we're supposed to be friends. This is what friends do. Spill, Gilbert."

Knowing she really wasn't left with another option, she decided to just lay it all out there. "I've been avoiding Damon since Andie asked me to stay away from him. It's something I'm sure he's noticed. Well, tonight was his rehearsal dinner and he somehow showed up at Caroline and Stefan's before they got back. He tried to talk to me, but before anything was really said, they got back, and I ran away. That's when you met up with me, and then Damon tried to get me to talk to him. Apparently he has something important to say, but I told him I was sorry, and then left with you. Now, here we are."

Letting none of the details get him down, he plowed straight ahead. "What could he possibly want to discuss with you the night before his wedding?"

"I don't know, didn't ask."

"Guys don't ask their ex-girlfriends to talk about something important the night before they get married unless it's something big. I doubt he was going to talk to you about your job."

"So, what, you think he was going to confess his undying love for me and say he was calling off the wedding?"

Colin folded his arms on the table and leaned forward. "I don't know if he was going to say that, but I think he looked scared."

Elena fell back in her seat, Colin's words weighing heavy on her mind. Had Damon really been scared, was that why he wanted to talk to her? Surely she would have picked up on it if he had been. Then again, that would have required her to pay attention to something other than her quickest escape route.

"He asked me when I knew I'd made a mistake by moving to Chicago," she revealed after several long moments of internal thought.

Colin's eyes widened slightly at her words. "Interesting."

"What?"

"Elena, the guy just asked you when you knew you'd made the biggest mistake of your life the night before he's supposed to get married. That doesn't seem at all suspicious to you?"

She groaned in frustration and rolled her eyes. He posed the question like it was all so simple, like there were no complications between her and Damon at all. Nothing with them was ever simple. She didn't even know how to do anything but overanalyze every word he said to her, because they never seemed to mean what she thought they did.

"Well, forgive me for being confused by what the hell it all means, when I can't ever seem to make sense of anything he says or does."

"You know what I think?" Colin asked. "I think everything between you and Damon makes sense to everyone _but_ you and Damon."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means you two have an obsession with dancing around the other, pushing the other away just far enough to where the other thinks they're being let go, and then one of you pulls the other back in. There's a whole lot of talk that goes on that doesn't match up with anything you two do. If I know that, having spent the very short amount of time in the same presence as the two of you as I have, then it has to be like a neon flashing sign to every other person in your life."

"So you're telling me I refuse to let him go?"

"I'm saying neither of you will let the other go. And I don't know about Damon, but I don't think you don't let Damon go because you want to hold onto him. I think you just can't let him go."

Colin's words suddenly made so much sense in her head. In spite of the lack of time he'd spent around her and Damon, he was surprisingly spot on. She'd never thought of her dynamic with Damon to be like a dance, as he'd described it, but it seemed so obvious right now. For four years they'd been doing this to each other. They pushed the other far enough away to scare the other into thinking it was all really over, and then at the last possible moment, reeled the other back in. It was a crazy cycle. One that she'd willingly participated in over all this time, and Colin was right. She did it because she didn't know how to stop.

"How do I stop it?" Colin hadn't been in a situation too different from hers very long ago. He had his own tortured love story in his past to draw plenty of knowledge from.

"Honestly, I think you need closure."

"How do I do that?"

"You have to get to a point where you are certain that you and Damon are done. Right now, even though he's getting married tomorrow, I don't think you have that certainty. I think you still have hope that something will change, but the problem is, you're hoping that he's the one that changes it."

And shouldn't she?

"Damon is the one getting married. I can't just ask him to not go through with it. He knows how I feel about everything. The choice has to be his."

"But does he know how you feel?" Colin challenged. "Since the whole Christmas Eve debacle have you ever come right out and said how you feel, outside of telling him to stay away from you?"

She quickly tried to think back on all of her interactions with Damon over the past few months, running them all through her head just like she'd done hundreds of times before. There was the talk they had after she got back from Mystic Falls where she told him he'd broken her heart and she couldn't get what she really wanted. She thought it all seemed pretty clear – she loved him and wanted him. At the same time though, she'd told him to let her go, and that things were never going to get better with them. Was there a chance he really didn't know how she felt?

"I don't know how he wouldn't know, Colin. I feel like it's a pretty obvious thing."

"So you haven't told him?"

"Not in exact words, but pretty much."

"Elena, I hate to break it to you, but men don't understand pretty much. If you don't spell it out, odds are it gets lost in translation."

"But even if it did, I know Damon. He goes after what he wants, and if I'm what he wants, he'd come after me."

"Maybe he's tried to in his own way." He leaned back in his seat now, a serious look on his face. "You know, I think that's the problem with you two. You expect him to be the one to come to you and lay it all out there, and I think he expects you to do that. Neither of you can actually get the balls to come out and say what you mean. And frankly, I don't think you're ever going to get closure if you don't try one last time."

"Are you telling me to ask a man to call off his wedding the night before?" she balked.

"I'm telling you to tell the man you love that you love him. If you don't do that, I think you're gonna keep playing this stupid game the two of you have going on for the rest of your life. You'll never let him go, because you'll always believe, somewhere inside of you that there's a chance. If you want to get closure, you need to make sure there's not a chance. So yeah," he shrugged, "I guess I'm telling you to ask him to call off his wedding."

"I don't – I don't think I can do that, Colin."

"I guess it would make your life a bit like a Country song."

Unable to help herself, Elena burst into laughter. "I'm sorry," she apologized when she saw the understandably confused look on his face. "I can't believe I'm even talking about this, let alone thinking about it. I mean, who really thinks about crashing her ex-boyfriend's wedding? I sound crazy!"

"Well, I'm not saying to burst through the church doors right before they say 'I do'. Maybe just before the actual wedding. Although it would be interesting to see what ends up on Page Six about it."

"Oh god," she groaned.

"But if you do decide to go the church route, let me know. I'd love to see that."

"Hate to burst your bubble, but I don't think I can even ask him not to get married, much less interrupt his wedding. He's made it this far, which means he's sure. Andie was right when she told me he'd chosen her. I need to respect that."

He casually shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not here to tell you what to do with your life, Elena. So, whatever you want to do, I think you're making the right choice." The waitress finally approached their table, notepad in hand, and Colin looked at her across the table. "Shall we drop this subject and order our food?"

She nodded her head. "I think that would probably be best."

Thankfully, the rest of the dinner was filled with everything but the topic of Damon and his upcoming wedding. Even though it was still consuming pretty much every thought she had, she fought to push it away. For once in her life, she needed to take her own advice. She needed to respect the relationship that Damon had with Andie, no matter how much it hurt to do it.

They talked about some of the horrible novels she'd read during her time at her new job, laughing at some of the insane ideas some people came up with, and how horrible grammar could actually be. Sometimes she would read the most god-awful novels long after she knew that they would end up in the recycling bin. It was just astounding what some people could put out. They caught up on how his job was going and some new jobs he'd recently gotten. His career was getting better by the day, and she was happy for him.

It was nice to have a few hours with a friend that hadn't had a front row seat to everything that happened between her and Damon, because even if he had more he wanted to say, he stayed true to his word and didn't bring the subject up again. Caroline and Bonnie both had so many opinions on everything, and she knew if she had dinner with either one of them tonight she'd spend the entire time hearing each and every single one of those opinions. It was just nice to have a friend who let her avoid the topic.

Well, as much as Colin could avoid it. By the time they were leaving the restaurant and saying their goodbyes, he was staring intently at her. She could even see the thoughts forming in his head right in front of her eyes. "Can I just say one more thing?" he asked.

She didn't know if she wanted to hear that one more thing, but she nodded her head anyway. "Go for it."

He nervously shoved his hands in his pockets and looked out to the street. "When I broke up with my ex, it was horrible. I couldn't fathom the idea of wanting anyone but her, because it all ended so abruptly. There was no real ending. It took six months, and me going to her one last time to finally just put it all on the table with how I felt, to really be able to walk away. After I did that, I realized I was ready to move on. I just needed her to know how I felt, and get some form of closure. I was already over her before we even talked; I just needed that conversation to be able to close the door. I'm not saying it will be like that for you, but no matter what, you need closure, and right now you don't have it."

She stood speechless on the sidewalk, absorbing his quiet and heartfelt advice. Though they'd never discussed his ex-girlfriend much, she knew he understood how she felt. He understood her emotions in a way her other friends couldn't, and that counted for something.

"Thank you," she murmured. "Thank you for saying that."

"Hey," his eyes swung back to hers, and they sparkled under the dim streetlight, "Just trying to be a good friend." With a smile he leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "Let me know what happens." She nodded silently as he pulled away. "Good luck with whatever you do."

Elena watched as he turned and walked in the opposite direction, disappearing into the crowd ahead of him. After he was long gone she turned and scanned the street, trying to decide her best way to get home. She was nowhere near her apartment, but she didn't particularly feel like taking a taxi or the subway back home. She didn't even feel like going home right now. And somehow, that sent her feet in a direction she didn't plan or even think about.

Before she knew it, she ended up in a bar in a, to her, completely unknown part of town, but she didn't get up and leave, not yet. She certainly had no place else she wanted to be. Her normal bar, filled with Mark and dozens of others who she'd gotten to know over the years, seemed like a bad idea. They all knew too much about her, or at least enough to know how pathetic her life had turned out and stare at her accordingly.

This place was completely foreign to her, someplace where she could sit with her thoughts and have a drink or two. Then, maybe if she were lucky, she'd begin to piece together what had really happened between her and Damon. All she knew right now was that it was confusing and painful, and even though she had Colin's advice weighing heavily on her, it wasn't enough to bring her to one decision.

Someone slid onto the stool next to her, but she didn't look up, content to remain in her own world. This wasn't a night where she would meet anyone and try to pretend like she was a normal girl with a normal life. Nothing was normal right now, and she was okay with that.

Several minutes later a voice that felt vaguely familiar but distant and unknown, spoke up beside her. "I've spent four years trying to figure out what I'd ever say to you if I got to meet you. Now that I actually have the chance, I've got nothing that doesn't sound completely stupid, rehearsed, and bitter."

Elena looked up from her drink and peered at the tan brunette sitting next to her. All she could see was the profile of her face and the long curls brushed over the back of her shoulders. Her brown eyes peered ahead and she wore a sarcastic smile on her lips. "Excuse me?"

The stranger turned to her, meeting her gaze head on, and Elena was hit with a feeling of remembrance or déjà vu, like she should know this woman. She searched her brain, trying to come up where or how she might know her, but she came up empty, and the woman knew this. "You don't know who I am, do you?"

"No." She shook her head in denial.

She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow and offered her right hand to Elena. "I'm Katherine Pierce, formerly Salvatore."

The puzzle pieces all fell together at the introduction, and she was left wondering how she didn't recognize her before. She'd seen pictures of the woman plenty of times, even seen her in person for a few fleeting moments back before she even really knew who Damon was. Yet, up close and face to face with Damon's ex-wife, she was now able to really burn the woman's image into her memory.

She didn't understand how this woman knew her though, and she voiced this. "How do you know me?"

"You started moving in on my husband before the divorce was even final. Of course I know who you are."

"Damon and you were over long before either of you signed divorce papers, and I didn't move in on anyone."

Yes, she had made some mistakes in the beginning with how she handled the situation with Damon and Matt, but she never pursued Damon. Things with them felt like a force of nature that neither of them could deny. She cheated on her boyfriend at the time and she acknowledged that, but she never went after Damon or whatever it was that Katherine was suggesting she had done. She wasn't proud of how everything had happened back then, but she played no role in anything that happened between Damon and Katherine.

Katherine shrugged her shoulders in a way that clearly showed she wasn't buying what Elena was selling, but slightly conceded, "If you say so."

"By the way, he's not your husband," Elena corrected Katherine's earlier statement, unable to let it hang in the air. Damon wasn't Katherine's anymore.

"And come tomorrow, he won't be yours either," Katherine pointed out. "He'll belong to little Miss Andie, who is oh so sweet and couldn't harm a fly." Katherine's voice carried a bitter feel to it, one that Elena understood more than she'd probably like to admit. Though she didn't really voice any negative or petty thoughts about Andie aloud, she definitely had them in her head. Who wouldn't feel some slight resentment toward the woman who was marrying the man you loved?

And that was why Katherine's reminder was correct. Damon wasn't her husband, and after tomorrow, he never would be. It was a brutal honesty pointed out to her by the woman she always feared she might one day have to fight. She'd never once believed there would be another woman in Damon's past that she would have to worry about other than Katherine. His ex-wife was her perceived threat, but it turned out her fear had been in the wrong place, because although Damon briefly reunited with Katherine after she ran off to Chicago, his ex-wife wasn't who he was marrying tomorrow.

He was marrying a woman she thought she didn't have to worry about. Even after the fight that horrible night she slapped him, Andie had never truly threatened her. She thought Andie had a thing for Damon, but that he only saw her as a friend. So, color her surprised when she returned home from Chicago two years later to find out that he was with the first woman he'd ever loved, rather than the first woman he'd ever truly been _in love_ with. To some, it might sound delusional, but she believed it was true. She truly believed deep down to her bone that Katherine was the first woman Damon ever fell completely in love with. After all, she was the first woman that ever got him to commit to monogamy and Elena had been the last. Even this time around Damon couldn't remain faithful to Andie, the woman he said he wanted to spend his life with.

That made this entire situation she found herself in seem slightly ironic. The only two women Damon had ever been able to be faithful to, and who she believed to be the only two women he was ever truly in love with, were trading jabs at each other while the man they'd both loved was preparing to marry a woman who wasn't either one of them.

Which made her question how they had both wound up here. She'd managed to go four years without ever meeting the infamous Katherine Pierce Salvatore in the flesh, but the night before Damon's wedding, she happened to run into her? What were the odds of that? She was guessing they weren't very high.

"How'd you find me?"

"Elena," Katherine scoffed, an air of superiority rolling off of her in waves. "This bar is right next to my building. I've been coming here for years. You're the one that shouldn't be here, not me."

"Okay then, why are you talking to me?"

"How could I not?" she laughed. "I have to admit, I've always had a slight interest in the woman that captured Damon's attention, but after the state I found Damon in when you went to Chicago, I knew I had to meet you." A smile tugged at her lips, but it lacked any real happiness or sign of contentment. She just looked sad. "You did more of a number on Damon than I did, and that's saying something." Elena cringed at the words, hating the reminder of the pain she'd caused Damon. She knew what she had done and how wrong it was, but it didn't mean she wanted to be reminded of that from other people, let alone Katherine, especially in her obviously condescending voice. "What's the matter? You regret giving Damon up? Join the club, honey."

Katherine looked away then, returning her eyes back to her drink, but she didn't look away quickly enough to keep Elena from seeing the look in her eyes. It was a look Elena understood all too well. She knew it, because she often wore that same look. And in that moment, she felt like she actually learned something about the elusive Katherine that she'd only heard about for several years. Now, she wasn't just hearing about the other woman that had also broken Damon's heart, she felt like she understood her. In some twisted, delusional way, that one moment revealed more about her than she'd ever known.

"You still love him." Elena wasn't quite sure why she actually said it aloud. From all she'd heard about Katherine, and even from what she'd witnessed within the past few minutes, Katherine wasn't a warm, open person. She had probably just opened herself up to some form of ridicule from the model, but she didn't care. Somehow, on the evening before Damon's wedding, she was actually sitting next to the only woman in the world who might actually come the closest to understanding how much this all sucked, and even though she'd believed she wanted to be alone, she didn't. There was something comforting about the fact that someone else was hurting right now because of the same thing.

"I married him, didn't I?"

"And divorced him."

"Our marriage didn't end the way you think it did, so I'd be careful with my words if I were you. In fact, you should be thanking me. If it wasn't for the decision I made to actually be the better person for once in my cursed life and give Damon a shot at something he'd always wanted, he'd still be my husband."

"But he's not yours."

"He's not yours either."

"You had a chance to get him back. I know you were with him after I went to Chicago. So, if you still love him, why did you let him go again?"

Katherine sighed and shook her head. "Shouldn't you know by now that no one actually lets Damon go unless he wants to be let go?"

Elena wasn't sure what Katherine was getting at. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I wasn't the person Damon wanted to be with anymore. We reconnected and tried to pretend like we were twenty-five again, the world at our feet, and nothing holding us back. It was fun, but our ship had sailed. Damon was never mine to have again." Katherine's eyes lifted to Elena's, a knowing look in them. "I think you're already aware of that, though."

She understood what Katherine was saying now and it made her heart pound a little harder in her chest. Katherine was telling her that Damon had still been in love with her. That even though he'd effectively shut her out when she moved to Chicago, and refused to have any contact with her whatsoever, she was still very much on his mind. She was who he still wanted at that time, and no amount of history with Katherine could change that.

"I'm the reason he's with Andie and not you, aren't I?"

Katherine nodded her head in confirmation. "And god, did I hate you for it. Truthfully, I've pretty much hated you since the moment I knew you existed. I was still his wife, and suddenly he was running around with some 22-year-old cheap imitation of me. Let's face it; you could pass as my sister. At first, I thought you were just some kind of game, something to have fun with while planning his brother's bachelor party. Next thing I know, everyone's talking about how he's moved some bartender in as his girlfriend." Katherine tilted her head a bewildered look on her face. "You managed to do what only I had done before. You got him in a committed relationship and faithful, and I hated your guts. I kind of still hate them."

"Cause he fell in love with someone after you broke his heart?"

"Because he was going to have a kid with someone who wasn't me." The words knocked the breath out of Elena, and she visibly reeled back, her eyes wide and her mouth falling open. "Don't look so surprised. I was his wife once, Elena. There's still some level of trust there."

"He told you?" she whispered.

Damon hadn't even told Andie that Elena had been pregnant and lost the baby. He'd only told her after he had already been busted. Andie, whom he had known for years, hadn't even known what really went on and why Elena left for Chicago, but Katherine, who he had hated last she'd heard of, knew the truth?

"I may have pried it out of him, but yeah, he told me."

Elena suddenly didn't feel much like staying at the bar anymore. Her quiet night that she was supposed to use to figure out what Damon may have wanted to say to her in that hallway suddenly got a lot more confusing. There was now Colin's advice and this Katherine dynamic that muddled things. Before he was with Andie, he was confiding in Katherine about their relationship?

"I think I should go home." Elena gathered her things and slid from the stool. She'd always wondered how things might be if she ever met Katherine, but she hadn't expected it to go like this.

"Before you go," Katherine grabbed her arm to hold her in place, "You should know something." Elena looked up at Katherine as she felt her nerves fraying inside of her, unsure of whether she wanted to know what the woman had to say next or not. "The reason Damon and I didn't work the second time around wasn't _just_ because he was still in love with you. He also wanted to marry you."

Elena could swear she felt her blood run cold. Katherine had to be lying. This couldn't be true. "I was pregnant, as you know. He just wanted to do the right thing."

Katherine dropped Elena's limp arm and shrugged her shoulders, appearing as if she didn't care whether Elena believed a word that came out of her mouth or not. "Baby or no baby, he wanted to marry you. And I'd bet you anything that he still has the ring, because it's not the one Andie has on her finger. In fact, your ring is probably still sitting in the same place it was two years ago, right on top of the letter you wrote him when you went to Chicago."

Elena swallowed thickly, trying to dampen her dry, scratchy throat. Ten minutes with Damon's ex-wife had set her world on its side in a way she could never have predicted. She'd never envisioned their meeting ever going like this. Sure, she had anticipated the jabs and the admittance that Katherine hated her, but she'd never expected to walk away with information like this. For all intents and purposes, it was information she wasn't supposed to know.

But according to this woman, Damon still had the letter she wrote him, despite his claims that he'd thrown it away. He had it, and he had a ring. Combining that with the fact that he'd wanted to talk to her about something important, made the feeling in Elena's gut grow tenfold. She'd never truly felt like anything with Damon and Andie was right. She believed the wedding was a mistake, but that it was something she'd just have to deal with, because it was what _he_ wanted. If that were true, though, why did he still have her letter and lie to her about it? Why had he kept the ring?

Why had Damon done anything that he'd done?

"Thanks," she murmured as she turned and began her slow, dazed walk toward the exit, she knew that what was left of her night would be spent trying to figure out how to make sense of this whole disaster.

"Elena," Katherine called out again, pulling her attention back to the brunette, "I'd start at the Four Seasons." She rolled her eyes and scoffed, and Elena could see some level of self-loathing on the woman's face from helping the girl who she probably saw as an enemy. And with that, Katherine turned her back on her, putting a final end to what would probably be the one and only conversation they would ever have.

* * *

><p>"You talked to Katherine?" Bonnie demanded. "How the hell have you not told me this until now?"<p>

She'd just spilled everything to Bonnie, all of the dirty details she didn't even want to think about anymore, but her friend needed to know. She hadn't just decided to show up at his hotel room to be selfish. She'd shown up because she thought Katherine and Colin had a point. She thought she owed it to herself to give it one last shot.

"Because I was a little preoccupied with the fact that my heart just got shattered. I wasn't very concerned with Katherine earlier."

Bonnie kicked off her shoes and sat down on the bed near the window. "So, she told you he still had the letter you wrote him, and he had a ring that he was going to propose to you with?"

Her chest constricted painfully at the reminder of the bomb Katherine had dropped on her. The one that ultimately got her to that hotel room this morning. "Yeah, Damon told me he never read the letter and threw it away, but according to Katherine, he still had it, but he wasn't lying about not reading it."

"And what did Damon say about it?"

"I didn't mention it," she whispered. Thinking back, she figured that maybe she should have mentioned that information, but then she'd have to tell him how she even knew it, and she was scared to let that conversation become about Katherine. And what did it matter if he knew that she was aware of him still having the letter? He _knew_ he had it, and her mentioning it wouldn't change anything, not really.

"You had the mother of all bombshells and you said nothing?"

"No, Bonnie, the mother of all bombshells was knowing that I'd slept with Damon the night before he proposed to Andie. That was the weapon I could have used had I wanted to."

Andie had given her the perfect opportunity that day in Caroline and Stefan's guest bedroom. She'd left an opening as wide as the Grand Canyon for Elena to come in and completely demolish her world, but Elena couldn't do it. The words had been on the tip of her tongue that day, but she couldn't let them come out. Would it really accomplish anything if she ruined Damon's engagement like that? Sure, Damon might not be married right now, but he'd probably hate her.

And because of that choice, Damon was married now. His wedding was long over by now. He was now someone else's husband, and she had to find a way to live with that. She'd taken a risk and listened to what Colin and Katherine told her. She convinced herself that she had a real shot today, that he still loved her. Hell, she still didn't even know if she stopped believing that. How could he still have those things and not love her? How was that even possible?

"I didn't want to get him by default, Bonnie. I want him to want to be with me." And according to him, he didn't want that. Her entire body began to shake as the sobs that she'd kept locked in began to break free again. She clung to the pillow she had in her arms, and let it all out. "Why doesn't he want to be with me?"

Bonnie jumped off of the other bed and rushed over to the one Elena was sitting on. She climbed up next to her and held her close. "I don't know," she whispered as she ran her hands through Elena's hair. "I don't know why he sent you away."

"Maybe if I hadn't left last night everything would be different. God, Bonnie, what if he was giving me a chance to tell him how I felt? What if I was just too late?"

"You can't think like that, Elena." Bonnie held her tighter as she tried to calm her friend down, but reality was really setting in now. Damon didn't choose her.

"Colin told me I needed closure, but this doesn't feel like closure, Bonnie. None of this feels right. I know it's all over, but it just doesn't feel right. It's not supposed to be this way. God, it wasn't supposed to end like this!"

**Author's Note: Congratulations! You have officially made it to the present part of this story. See you next time!**


	40. Backed Into the Corner

Author's Note: As of today, this story officially has 2,000 reviews! Thank you so much to each and every one of you for every review you have left. I read them all, and I respond to absolutely as many as I can. I am so grateful that you all have found this story of mine that came out of one little scene in my head and somehow developed into this. I never thought it would become something so many people read. So, thank you! I guess fate just has a sense of humor, because this chapter just happened to be ready to go. Here ya go! I won't make this long, because I know a lot of you know what event this chapter is going to address, so I'll let you get to it.

**Chapter 39**

**Nothing turns out  
>The way you want it<br>Nothing plays out  
>Like you saw in your mind<strong>

The room was quiet, filled with a tense silence that no one seemed to know how to break. This was it, the last few minutes before he would watch Andie walk down that aisle. The wedding planner had just left the room after informing him that she was less than five minutes away from the church. Instead of hearing words of congratulations and downing celebratory shots before the ceremony, all he got was silence.

And he couldn't take it anymore.

"I feel I'm walking to my execution. You are all acting like I'm dying."

Stefan finally looked up from the spot he'd been staring at on the floor for the past twenty minutes, his eyes tired and dim. "You look like you're walking to your execution."

"Forgive me," he scoffed with a heavy trace of sarcasm, "It's been a stressful day."

His brother looked to Caroline and Alaric, and he could see a battle waging behind his green eyes, like he had something to say, but didn't know how to say it. "Can you two give me a moment with Damon?" he asked after a minute. Both quickly nodded and left them to their own devices after Caroline squeezed her husband's shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

Once the door was closed Damon turned to Stefan. "What do you need to talk to me about that you needed Caroline and Ric out of the room for?"

Stefan stood from the couch and sighed deeply. From across the room, Damon could feel the guilt and love rolling off of his brother in waves. For all of the problems they'd had today and in the past, he knew his brother loved him, and while he was certain he wouldn't like a lot of what Stefan was about to say, he knew it was out of love. He hadn't wanted to hear any of it earlier, and a big part of him didn't want to hear it now, but as he looked at him, he couldn't tell his brother to shut up. He had to listen.

"My whole life, you've tried to fix every problem I've ever had." Stefan shook his head, a small smile pulling at his lips. "I hated you so much for it when I was a teenager, Damon. Half the kids at school were scared to be my friend because of you. Even before you had all these resources at your disposal, everyone lived in fear of you. It felt suffocating, and like you could never just let me make my own decisions. It was only once I got older that I realized you let me make plenty of them and plenty of mistakes too, but you never let me make one so big that it would change my life forever. I've tried to do that with you. God have I tried, but you're like a brick wall, and I've never been able to save you before the damage was done."

"It's not your job to protect me or save me, Stefan. That's on me."

"Then why is it on you to do the same for me?"

He shrugged and answered without a second thought, "Because I'm your big brother, and no one else was ever going to be there to do my job. As much as I hate to admit it, dad also kept me from making some pretty big mistakes. He was too focused on me though, to pay attention to what you were doing, and mom was gone. It had to be me."

"I love dad, but he's never protected you in the way that really mattered, Damon. He cleaned up your messes, but he didn't protect you."

"Stefan, why are you doing this? I don't want to talk about dad and what he did and didn't do."

His brother walked toward him, a determined look now flashing in his gaze. "I'm doing this because today, I'm going to be the one that fixes something for you. I'm going to save you the same way you always did for me. You give me the word and this is all over. I will fix everything and get you out of this church if you want to." Stefan rested both of his hands on Damon's shoulders, effectively invading his space and capturing all of his attention. "Give me the word."

While his brother painted a very simple, easy picture, Damon knew it wasn't quite that easy. He wasn't a teenager who had too much to drink and needed to be snuck in. He was a grown man and this was his wedding day. Hundreds of people were outside in that chapel waiting for him and Andie. Her entire family was out there, and soon she would be out there too. He couldn't abandon all of this. He couldn't abandon her.

With ease he removed Stefan's hands from his shoulders and stepped away from his brother. "While I appreciate the sentiment, it isn't needed. And give it up, Stefan. You're doing this because you think you should, not because you want to. You want me with Andie, not Elena. You still can't stand her."

"A few months ago, I probably would have agreed with you, but fatherhood has had a profound impact on me. Part of that impact has been about Elena. It took me until Sawyer was born to realize I was really just hanging onto anger for her because you were angry with her. But the moment I saw her place him in your arms, it all hit me. You haven't been mad at her in months. In fact, I don't even know if you were ever really mad at her. I think it's all been one big lie you've told yourself to get through those years without her, one you had to keep telling yourself after she was back, because you had Andie. Now I think it's just a lie you tell yourself because you're scared. Don't get me wrong, like earlier today I still get caught up in being angry on your behalf, but I think I'm fighting a one man battle on that front. You're not mad at her, not about today, not about a year ago, and not about Chicago. You're hurt, horribly hurt, but you're not mad."

His brother's words left him frozen in his spot, words glued to the back of his throat. For the past year he'd been telling himself that he was filled with an immense anger for Elena. The amount would waver a lot, but he always tried to tell himself it was there. She'd left him, broken his heart, of course he was mad. But as he stood here with his brother now, he was beginning to realize that maybe he hadn't been mad, just misguided, just hurt.

He had no words to say in response though. His brother, the one person on his side who he really thought wanted him to go through with this, was telling him to run, and that he'd hold off the cavalry. His brother wanted him to run, and he didn't know what to do with that revelation.

A knock on the door roughly jolted him from his paralysis, and his head jerked around just in time to see the wedding planner stick her head in and say the words that would make it all real. "It's time."

Stefan moved beside him, a look of panic on his face. He grabbed to Damon's arm and said, "You don't have to do this. There's still time."

While his brother's words meant more to him than he might ever be able to express, he couldn't take his advice. "Go get Ric and meet me out there," he said quietly, but Stefan refused to move, shaking his head back and forth. "I can't leave her now, Stefan. What you're suggesting, I can't do that to her."

"Damon," he said, eyes wide and frantic. But it had no impact, it couldn't have. He gently pushed his brother toward the door, ushering him out to give him some time alone.

"I'll be there soon. Just go."

Fighting much resistance, he finally managed to get Stefan out of the door and close it behind him. He needed a few minutes to himself to process the rest of the day. He was going to walk into that chapel, stand at the altar, greet his bride with a smile, and get married. They didn't have a perfect relationship, but it was good. It was solid. He loved her. Maybe this love was different, but his love for Elena, and even Katherine, hadn't gotten him anything in the end either.

After a final deep breath and silent reassurance he opened the door, only to find Caroline's uncharacteristically stoic face in front of him. Caught off guard he let go of the door and moved back into the room. Giving her the chance to breeze in, her steps firm and steady as she slammed the door behind her and stepped past him. He turned around, ready to ask her what she needed, when he saw her digging through her purse and saying, "I know this is way over the line, even for me, but I had to do it."

She produced a tattered envelope from her purse like a badge of honor, holding it proudly in her hand. Recognition sparked within him, and his entire body immediately stiffened. "You broke into my house and went through my stuff?"

"Technically, I stole the spare key from Stefan and let myself in. No actual _breaking in_ was required," she explained, now timid as she took in the expression on his face. "And yeah, I went through your things. Again, I know, crazy far over the line, like, so far over it that I'm on another continent, but I had to do it, and you _know_ I had to do it."

"What I know is that I told you to not go through my things," he bit out, feeling completely violated by the fact that Caroline had thought it perfectly okay to search his home for that letter. And if she'd gone into that drawer to get the letter that would mean she had to have seen the ring.

Oh god.

"When do I ever listen to you?" she questioned with a small laugh that quickly died when he didn't relax in the slightest. She sighed, a remorseful look crossing over her face and she stepped toward him. "I gave you this letter almost three years ago, and I know I was only giving you the option, but I should have told you to read it. Not that I think you would have, but I'm going to say it now and hope you will." She extended her arm out, the letter dangling from her fingers, waiting for him to retrieve it from her.

"No offense, Caroline, but how is this supposed to change my mind on my wedding day? I think it's a little late for that letter."

"I think it will change something because you're hanging onto your decision by a thread. I may drive you insane half the time, but you're my brother in law, and I know a thing or two about you. I also know a thing or two about my best friend. I know that ever since high school, when things got hard, the only effective way she could communicate was through her writing. I think this letter is going to tell you everything you've wanted to know since the moment she walked out that door." She shook the letter in front of him, pushing it closer to him. "Read the letter, Damon."

"What is this, some tag-team mission you and my brother have come up with to try and stop me from getting married? First there's Stefan, and the speech he just gave me, conveniently followed by this."

A confused look passed over Caroline's face as she questioned, "What are you talking about?"

Caroline's eyes sparked in hope and pride. "What did Stefan talk to you about?"

"Wait, you two didn't plan this?"

Without any tell of lying, she shook her head back and forth in denial. "We didn't plan anything, but I guess we're both thinking the same thing." She pushed the envelope into his chest saying "So, read the letter. If you're really right about all of this, reading it won't change anything. You'll read it, know you did, walk out of this room, and marry Andie. At least that way you'll know you made the decision because it's what you want."

Slowly, he extended his arm enough to grab the envelope from Caroline, unsure of exactly what he was doing. His fingers closed around the worn paper, feeling the weight of it in his hands. He imagined the letter always felt much heavier to him than to anyone else. The words in the letter inside the envelope carried the possibility to change everything. "Caroline, I don't think I can read this, not today."

"You have to," she insisted strongly. "You can't get married without reading it." She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze before she began to back away from him. "I'm going to go out there and wait with your brother, while you stay in here for a minute and read the letter."

She left him alone in the silent room with nothing but his thoughts and the letter that had haunted him for almost three years. The day Caroline had given him the letter, he set it on top of his nightstand, where it sat for more than a month. He told himself he'd read it one day, whenever he got time, but after a month, he shoved it into the drawer with the plan to throw it away one day. The day never came, and it stayed sealed in his drawer at all times, except for those dark, lonely nights where he couldn't resist the call of it.

Some nights he would lie on his bed, staring at it for hours, telling himself to just open it and get it over with. He'd had his fingers on the corner of that closing flap more times than he could count, ready to rip it open and finally read it, but he could never take that final step. He could never just open it and read it. The more time passed, the harder it got to even think about opening the letter. He didn't know if he even wanted to know what it said. He didn't want to question any decision he'd made while letting it sit in that drawer.

Though he had tried to throw it away many times, he could never take that step either. And now it was here, in his hands, Caroline's words on a loop in his head. He didn't want to know when she'd even snuck into his house to steal it, but she had. She'd thought it important enough to risk pissing off Stefan and causing a horrible fight with him. She'd risked that because she thought he needed to read it, and maybe he did. Maybe she was right, he needed to read this to be able to marry Andie. He would read it and then do what he came here to do today, get married.

With shaky hands, he took that step he'd never been able to take in all this time. He ripped it open quickly, allowing himself no moment of second-guessing or doubt. The letter easily fell out, as if it had been waiting all these years to be free. This was the moment of truth, time for him to finally find out what Elena found so important to tell him three years ago, that she wrote it all in a letter before she left, and still tried to ask him about after she got back. She'd thought this letter was important and meant something. Now he needed to see what it was.

He gently unfolded the paper, careful not to tear it or crumple it beneath his touch. His eyes skimmed the letter first, reading none of it, but taking in the shaky handwriting covering the page, and the small smudges from tears she'd most likely shed while writing the letter. His name stared up at him as he took one, final needed breath before he finally began to read the words that had been next to him for three years.

_Damon,_

_I wish I knew what to say in this letter. I wish I knew how to find the words that could somehow make this all better, but I know I cannot. I'm writing this because I love you, and because, for some reason, writing seems to be the only way I've been able to communicate my feelings anymore. I've tried to talk to you in these past few months, oh have I tried, but no matter how long I stared at you next to me in bed every night, the words would never come. Ever since that night, I've lost all ability to say anything I want or need to. I'm scared no words will ever be enough to explain how I feel._

_This isn't about asking for forgiveness. I don't deserve it from you or anyone. I went about this in all the wrong __ways__, and I wish I could fix that, but it's already done. Something is broken inside of me, and I don't know how to fix it. Ever since I woke up in your arms in the bathroom that night I knew nothing would be the same. And it hasn't been. I don't know how to make it better, and I don't know how to let you try. I don't know how to let anyone try. Everything is broken. I'm broken. _

_I'm broken and it all hurts so much. I wake up every morning and I can't breathe. I don't know how to deal with any of it, and because of that I'm hurting you. I'm hurting everyone around me, and I can't do it anymore. I can't look at you every day and see that pain on your face__,__ knowing that it's my fault. I have gone about this in all of the wrong ways, but I am genuinely trying to make things better. The only way I know how to do that is to leave. All I'm doing is hurting you, and it only hurts me even more. I look at you and see all the pain I'm causing you, and sometimes it makes me so mad. I get so angry at myself because I can't just wake up and change, but it's like I'm frozen. _

_I have all of these things inside of me, but I can't get any of them out. I can't talk to you anymore, and you can't talk to me. That's my fault. I've done this to us, and the only way I know to try and fix it is by going to Chicago. I don't want to break you the same way I've broken myself. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I know you'll never believe that, but it's true. I love you. God, I love everything about you, and I don't know how I'm going to do any of this without you, but I have to. I'm afraid that if I don't I'll break you. Sometimes I think I already have. The night we first slept together in Las Vegas, I asked you not to break my heart. Maybe you should have been the one asking me._

_Despite all of your proclamations that you were nothing but bad news for me, you have been by my side through everything for this entire year, and now that you need me I've failed. You have loved me, comforted me, and cared for me since the moment we found out I was pregnant. I was twenty-two and scared to death, and you were there for me. You've always been there for me, holding my hand through it all when no one thought you would. You are such a better man than you even realize, and I can't be the reason that changes._

_I just want you to be happy. Right now I don't think that's with me. I don't think it's been with me in a long time. I wish things were different. I wish I were different. I wish I could be who you needed. There are so many things I wish, but I don't think I can make any of them real for a very long time. I am so sorry, Damon. I don't know if you'll ever read this, or if you'll believe a word of it, but I mean every word of it. I love you, and I know no matter what happens while I'm away, that will never change. You are forever going to be the man that found me lost and alone by that rooftop pool, and gave me hope that I would find my way. I haven't found that way yet, but I'm trying, and I will never stop hoping it leads me back to you. I love you with everything I am, as messed up as it all be right now, but it's true. I love you, and I'm sorry._

The letter fell from his hands, gliding seamlessly to the floor as he stumbled back, a strangled breath breaking free from his lungs. All the memories that he'd tried so hard to push away came rushing back. Nights that he'd lain awake next to a silently crying Elena, trying to pretend like it wasn't real, were suddenly in the forefront of his mind. The pain and desperation in her words washed over him like a waterfall. Everything he didn't want to think about and remember was there, and at the absolute worst time possible.

He was supposed to be in the chapel already, well on his way to making Andie his wife. Instead he was in here, remembering his time with another woman, the one woman that Andie was threatened by.

"Damon," the wedding planner's panicked whisper caught his attention and he looked up to see her in the doorway, Stefan, Caroline, and Ric behind him, all wearing looks of varied worry. "We have to go! Andie's ready."

The words jolted him into action, and his feet began to carry him forward, somehow moving at their own free will with no effort from him. He couldn't let the letter change his mind. He couldn't walk away from what he said he'd do. He couldn't fail someone else. Elena did when she left for Chicago, and he'd said he'd never fail anyone in that way. This was the moment of truth, where he had to show what his word was worth.

"Damon, what are you doing?" Caroline asked from behind him. "Didn't you read it?"

He didn't answer Caroline as he made his way through the small hallway that would take him to the chapel. He loved Andie, and he could do this. He was doing the right thing, and people would see that soon.

The chapel grew immediately silent the moment he stepped through the door, and all attention turned to him as every person watched him take his spot at the altar, his brother and Ric by his side. His father, who was in the front row, gave him a small nod, and Damon knew he was telling him in his own way he'd done the right thing.

"Damon," his brother whispered from beside him, "It's not too late."

He quickly looked at Stefan and tried to give him the most assuring smile he could. "I've made my decision."

"Damon," Stefan began again, but at that moment, the music started up and the doors opened at the back of the church. Whatever Stefan had to say couldn't be said now, it was too late.

He watched her bridesmaids make their way down the long aisle, both women watching him with cautious looks, but he couldn't manage to see them clearly. He was taken back to a time he'd watched Elena walk down an aisle similar to this, a black gown draped over her glowing body. Her eyes had watched him the entire way. Even as Caroline had come down that aisle, all he'd seen was her. She had been filled with so much love and life back then, not yet broken down by another tragedy in her life.

Everything about her had made him smile in a way he never had. She got him to shut his mind off and be in the moment with her, to not care about the arrangement they'd made, and how one thing or another didn't fit in with it. That had been the night he started to fully realize the impact she was having on him, and the impact he was having on her. He'd been oblivious to her growing feelings for him up until that point, and once they were pointed out to him, he couldn't push them away. Caroline might argue he still couldn't.

He found her eyes in that front pew, sitting next to his father, Sawyer resting comfortably in her arms. She tried to smile and give him some form of an assuring nod, but it fell flat. Elena was her best friend, and he knew she was filled with immense pain today over the knowledge of how much pain her friend was in. He wished he could give her some comfort for it all, but he was the one that caused the pain, so any comfort he tried to give wouldn't accomplish anything.

The first sounds of the wedding march filtered through the chapel and everyone stood to look toward the back of the chapel. The doors were closed again, but moments later they opened and for the first time that day he saw Andie. Her eyes were on nothing but him as she began her walk down the aisle with her arm looped through her father's. The white gown hugged her frame, and he struggled to take it all in, but he couldn't seem to notice a single detail.

All he could see again was Elena. This time her stricken face as she'd stepped into that elevator last night and left him alone in that hallway. As the doors had slid shut on her and Colin, he'd felt an overwhelming anger come over him. He'd risked a lot to go to her last night, rushing to beat Caroline and Stefan home, waking her up even though she'd been sleeping soundly when he'd shown up. It had been the last place he should have been, but he went, because he had to talk to her one last time.

These past few months had been filled with conversations that were almost honest, but never quite were. There were so many things they'd both tried to say that they never got to. There were always interruptions and old feelings of betrayal getting in the way, and as he'd stood in this church last night for the rehearsal, he decided he had to go to her. It had been hard to sit through the dinner afterward and pretend like his mind was not on anything else, but he had managed, and then he had fled.

He went to her last night because he thought that was what he had to do. He didn't think he needed to read the letter. He thought he needed to talk to her. He didn't know what he was expecting from it all, but he had to ask her the one question he had been scared to ask her for months. He had to know how she knew she'd made a mistake when she moved to Chicago. She'd been so adamant that it was the right thing when she left, even though he knew it would be a disaster. She'd been determined in the same way he now was to marry Andie. Everyone seemed to be telling him he was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. So, he went to her, thinking maybe she could give him the answer he needed.

At first she'd tried to walk away, desperate to avoid the conversation, probably scared of a fight, but he pushed her. He pushed until he got an answer, but it hadn't been enough, he needed more. Like always, they were interrupted before they got the chance to discuss it any further. So he followed her into that hallway to plead with her to talk to him. He needed that conversation more than he now realized she probably understood. He'd seen the torn, scared look on her face as she apologized and got into the elevator, but that hadn't been enough to keep him from getting mad, so mad that he sent her away when she showed up at the hotel.

He told himself the answer didn't matter anymore, the situation wasn't the same. He wasn't running away from everything he knew. He was simply marrying a girl who loved him and who he loved in return. He told himself Elena'd been too late. In his head he knew that had she told him she loved him last night, he might not be here right now, but by the time she'd said it, he told himself it didn't matter anymore. He'd spent all day telling himself it didn't matter, but now he'd read the letter, and maybe it did matter. Maybe it had always mattered, and it always would.

Suddenly, the music stopped and Andie and her father were next to him, waiting for him to take her hand and guide her to the preacher. On autopilot he retrieved her arm from her father's and moved forward. He could feel her hand shaking in his and he felt a heavy weight rest down upon his shoulders. She was scared to death. They were supposed to get married and she was scared to death. The day wasn't supposed to be like this, nothing about their wedding should have ever been like this.

"You may be seated," the preacher spoke up, and out of memory, Damon turned to face Andie, finally taking her face in, and all the fear she had in her. He watched her as the preacher spoke, trying to gauge everything she was feeling and thinking, but he couldn't get beyond her fear and the trembling of her hands.

Just a few short weeks ago she'd told him she didn't want to know what had gone on between him and Elena. She wanted him to lie to her and keep the truth from her, and he'd complied. He'd willingly complied because he didn't know how to tell her. How could he look her in the eyes and tell her he slept with another woman? That would open up an entire can of worms he wouldn't know how to close. It would force him to face why he'd done what he'd done, and he hadn't been able to do that yet. He still didn't know if he'd be able to do it, but as he looked at her right now and saw all of the lies he'd put between them, he didn't know how to turn away from it.

She wasn't the only one scared, he was too. He'd been scared since the moment he proposed. When he'd woken up in Elena's bed that morning, her naked body entwined with his, for a fleeting moment he got lost in it, and that scared him. As he stared at her, so vulnerable and fragile in his arms, he felt the love for her that had always been there, and the ease at which it all came back to him had sent him into a panic. He thought of all the nights he'd spent too drunk to move after she left, and he was too scared to go back to that. Then, he thought of Andie and imagined the look on her face that would surely be there if she ever knew what happened. The idea of causing her the pain he'd been through was too much, and he'd fled.

He proposed to her out of fear and guilt, and he'd spent every day since then trying to change that. He tried to love her the way she needed. God did he try. When she came back home a few weeks ago and saw him with Elena, he knew he'd failed miserably. The look he'd feared to see on her face was there, and it killed him. He hated a part of himself for it, and he wondered if a part of him always would. When he married her, he'd spend the rest of their lives trying to be what she needed, to love her in the way that she loved him, and he was scared he'd fail each and every time.

"Damon?" Andie asked, her voice small and quiet as she spoke to him.

It was then he realized the preacher was asking him something. "Do you have your vows?"

He looked out to the sea of people, all watching him, waiting for him to recite his vows. And then he looked to Andie, her face filled with confusion and worry as she watched him. He tried to think back on the vows he'd come up with earlier this week, but he couldn't. They were gone now.

"I," he licked his lips and swallowed, trying to draw some moisture into his suddenly dry mouth, and Andie's face immediately fell. The realization hit her the moment it hit him, and it hit like a tidal wave. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry."

Her hands fell from his grasp and she stepped away from him, tears glistening in her eyes. She looked to the preacher and then to the guests, mostly a room filled with faces neither of them knew and never would. As everyone began to catch on to what was happening, a quiet chatter sparked, and she looked back at him. He shook his head, unable to say anything else, unsure of what he would even say if he could. With a nod of her head, she straightened and went off down the aisle. Everyone watched in shock as she left, and then they all turned to him, uncertain of what to do.

He felt a hand come around his arm and begin pulling him back toward the door he'd come in through just a few short minutes ago. "Come on," he heard Stefan's voice speak from behind him. "Come on."

"No, stop!" He ripped his arm from Stefan's grasp and took off toward the back of the church, pushing his way through the stunned crowd. "Andie!" he called out to her as he caught sight of her white dress disappearing around the corner. Her bridesmaids tried to turn and block him from going after her, but he easily swerved around them just in time to see her slipping into a room at the end of the hallway. "Andie." He pushed through the door before it could close all the way, and slammed it shut behind him.

"Really, Damon?" she asked from a few feet in front of him, but she didn't turn to him.

"I am so sorry, Andie," he apologized, moving around her still form so he could see her face. There were still tears in her eyes, but none fell as she slowly shook her head back and forth as he said "I didn't mean for this to happen?"

"You know what really sucks about this? I actually know that. I know that you wanted to marry me, a big part of you wanted it, but it wasn't the part that mattered. And that sucks."

"I know," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

She sighed and lifted her dress so she could comfortably move to the couch and sit down with a heavy drop. "Elena got to you when she came to the hotel, didn't she?"

"No," he easily denied. "I sent her away. She still thinks I chose you."

"So why didn't you?"

"Honestly, up until five minutes ago, I did." Even after he read the letter, he'd still had himself convinced he was going through with this. It had all been built on delusions, but he'd stood firm in those delusions. It was only when she started coming down that aisle that he began to realize that he couldn't do it. "I think part of it was you and how scared you looked."

"Of course I was scared!" she exclaimed. "Your ex-girlfriend came to see you on your wedding day."

"Exactly! It shouldn't be like this, Andie. You shouldn't have to be scared of what I'll choose. You shouldn't be scared of our wedding day. You should be happy, and it's my fault that you're not."

"It's not your fault," she said quietly. "I don't think either of us have gone about this in the best way. I knew things weren't right."

Damon walked over to the couch and sat down on the sagging cushion, making sure not to pull on her dress as he did so. "Then why were _you_ going to do this?"

"Because I have a dad that's running for president, Damon. You're not the only one who has an overbearing dad."

As he looked at her and saw the anguished look on her face, he realized how much he hadn't noticed in the past several months. He knew her dad was rough, but the man adored her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause you hate my dad, and I figured there wasn't much to talk about. I was scared of disappointing people too. That's why you let it get this far, right?"

"Partly, but I really just didn't want to hurt you. I've tried not to, but things get so confusing sometimes and—"

"You're in love with her," Andie finished for him. Her voice didn't hold any malice or real pain, just honesty. "You've always been in love with her. And please don't try to lie to me to spare my feelings. You just dumped me at the altar. I think we can stick to the truth for this one."

Even with the choice he'd just made, it was still hard to find the words to say what really went on inside of his head. After spending three years denying so much of it, his first instinct was to still that. It all felt impossible to face sometimes, so he didn't. Now he needed to. Trying to ignore it had only gotten him in more trouble, and hurt more people than he had wanted. It would be cruel to continue doing it now.

"Yeah," he admitted quietly, "I'm in love with her. I don't think I ever stopped."

Andie let out a laugh from beside him, one filled with amazement and some sense of irony. "It took an almost wedding, but I finally got the truth out of you."

"Why aren't you furious with me?" he questioned, astonished that she could even be in the same room with him, let alone have an actual conversation. "You should be screaming at me and throwing things."

"No offense, but that was definitely more how your relationships went with Katherine and Elena. Maybe that's the problem. No matter how your relationships with them ended, that dynamic worked for you. But, truthfully, I think I've been preparing myself for this outcome since I got back a few weeks ago. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to admit it. Guess that's how we worked for this long. We liked our land of denial."

"Damon," Stefan came in the door looking frazzled, "We have to go. Andie's dad and ours are five seconds away from coming in here, and it won't be pretty. Caroline has them distracted, but unless you want to deal with that, we have to leave."

He looked to Andie, not sure if he should leave yet. This was the most honest conversation with her he'd had in years, and she deserved this from him. She deserved to know whatever it was she wanted to. But when she turned to him, she motioned him toward the door. "Go, I'll handle my dad, and send your dad back to the hotel or something."

"I can't make you do this alone. I did this, Andie. I should face it."

"Damon, my dad's always hated you, and he's always going to. You staying here won't change that. Trust me, just go."

Unsure he stood up and allowed Stefan to pull him toward the door. "Are you sure?"

With a slow nod of her head she told him, "Go tell Elena you're sorry and be honest with her too. She deserves it too."

"Since we're on this whole honesty kick, I have one more thing I should say. Your dad's campaign guy, you know, the one who couldn't look at me without grimacing last night? Totally in love with you."

Andie's brows furrowed in confusion, and he had to admit what he'd just said had come a bit out of left field, but it was true. He'd met her dad's campaign manager a few times – didn't know his name, but he'd met him. At first he'd thought the guy just didn't like him because Andie's dad didn't, but he realized as he looked at the guy last night that there was more to it than that. He had much of the same look on his face that Damon had had when he saw Elena with Colin. And Elena hadn't even been marrying the pretty boy model. It wasn't much, but he could throw the guy a bone by alerting Andie to what was right under her own nose.

"Oh my god, I love your tie!" They heard Caroline's overly excited voice down the hallway, and Stefan roughly grabbed his arm and jerked him from the room, leaving a momentarily stunned looking Andie behind.

"I had Alaric tell the driver to move the car to the side of the building, and Caroline should be following after us in just a few short moments. If you would like to get out of this without fighting with dad, I suggest you walk fast and stop staring back at that door."

"I just dumped her at the altar, Stefan. I think it's a little mean to run away because I don't want to deal with the fallout."

"Oh, trust me, you'll deal with the fallout soon enough, but for now, I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you just left. Her dad wants your head on a platter."

"That bad?" he asked as Stefan dragged him down another hallway, toward a dark door at the end.

"Yeah, that bad. Apparently he wants to sue you for the cost of the wedding, something about emotional trauma or whatever."

"He doesn't have to sue me for that, I'll pay for the wedding. I'm the one who left, it's only right."

"Again, we can deal with that later."

Stefan pushed open the heavy door and Damon found himself being shoved onto the street, straight toward a smiling Alaric. "I feel like I'm in some getaway scene in a movie. This is great!"

"Nice to know someone is having fun in all of this," he grumbled. Leave it to Alaric to find this all exciting. Maybe one day he would be able to look back and find some humor in this whole thing, but right now he just felt bad. Andie was taking it all far better than he thought most people ever would, certainly better than he ever would, but he still didn't like that he'd done it. If he'd just gotten his head out of his ass months ago, he could have avoided all of this.

The door to the limo swung open and Caroline practically dove in, quickly handing Sawyer off to Stefan as she came in. "Okay, we have to go. I don't think Andie is going to be able to calm her dad down. He wants to kill you, Damon. I seriously think he's two seconds away from stealing a gun from one of his security guys. I've never seen someone so mad, and that's saying a lot, because I know you."

"Oh god," he groaned and fell back against the seat, ripping at the tie hanging from his neck like a noose. "This is a disaster. I've messed everything up."

So many things could be different right now if he'd listened to everyone around him, or if he'd even taken a moment to really listen to himself. He could have ended this whole thing long before it ever got to this point. Instead, he'd told himself he was doing the right thing. He convinced himself that just because he had a different love for Andie, the idea of marriage was perfect. In the process, he'd made a habit of getting Elena to be vulnerable and have a moment of hope, only to demolish it and tell her she was wrong. He caused so much damage, and now he'd have a long road ahead of him to fix it.

"No, you made everything better," Caroline said. "You could have saved us all some trouble and made your mind up like a year ago, but at least you did it before you signed that dotted line on the marriage license."

"So what now?" Stefan asked from beside his wife. "Where do you go from here, Damon?"

The wise choice for him right now would probably be to say that he wanted to go home. That would be the best decision for a guy that just called off his wedding. He'd made enough rash decisions for the day, so he probably shouldn't even think about making another, but there was just one more he wanted to make – one more he needed to make.

"Nashville." Stefan's eyes widened in shock at his words, but Caroline and Ric both appeared to be anything but surprised by his revelation. "You said that's where Elena went," he told his sister-in-law, "So that's where I want to go."

He couldn't afford to sit in his penthouse and wait for her to get back. So much could happen in the time it would take her to return. He had to go to her now. He had to see her and tell her was sorry. He had to tell her he loved her and that he wanted her. There were so many things he needed to say, and he'd waited too long to say them. He had to do it now.

They all stared at him silently for a few moments, and he was almost beginning to wonder if he'd misread his best friend and sister-in-law all wrong when a smile broke out across Caroline's face and she said, "I was hoping you'd say that." She turned toward the front of the limo and told the driver, "We need to go to JFK. Now!"

He found Caroline's grin to be infectious as he stared at her across the limo, but it couldn't take away the nervous feeling bubbling up in his stomach, because no matter how much he wanted this, none of it mattered if Elena didn'. "You think she really wants to see me?" It was an understandable question. He had just sent her away with a broken heart a few hours ago.

Caroline nodded her head. "I think you're the only one she wants to see. She loves you and she wants you. So go get her."

"And how do I do that?"

He and Elena had made such a mess over things in the past four years that he didn't know if he should even go off of what he might think of doing. What if she was furious with him, even after she found out he didn't get married? He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he didn't want to mess it all up even worse. He was finally ready to admit the truth to himself, that he loved her more than anything in his world, and he wanted her by his side no matter what, but she might need convincing of that. He needed to know how to do that.

"You tell her you love her, you want to be with her, and you're sorry. Then you come back here and live happily ever after. However, before you do that I have something for you." He watched Caroline dig in her purse for the second time that day, scared of what she would pull out this time. Would this be another letter that would change everything? What would she pull out of her bag of tricks now? "Here, happy non-wedding day."

She shoved two pieces of paper into his hands, and before they could fall, he clutched them in his hands. He looked down at the papers to realize they were tickets. "What the hell are these?"

"Remember when I was in labor and I told you that you and Elena needed to just go to some deserted island to sort all of your drama out?" He nodded his head mutely. That conversation was unfortunately still burned into his brain. "Well, that's what you're going to do. These are two tickets to Tahiti for whenever you want to go. You're gonna go get Elena, and then you're going to go there, where you both will stay in some secluded little place on the ocean. You will hash all of your crap out and come home happy. The end."

"Are you crazy?" he demanded.

"Oh god, you didn't," Stefan mumbled at the same time. "Do you ever listen to anything I say?"

"Not really, no," she told her husband. "And right now, you all should be thanking me for that. If it wasn't for my affinity for snooping, Damon would be married. You're welcome."

He appreciated the sentiment, he did, but he couldn't just fly Elena out on some extended vacation. Things were horribly damaged between them at best. Trying to run off and lock themselves from the world might only make things worse.

"Caroline, I love you, and I am thankful for what you've done today, but it's all not this simple. It's more complicated than this." He wanted it to be this easy. He'd give anything for it to be this easy, but he knew that wasn't how it worked.

"You two make it complicated, and I'm telling you to stop it. Just go to Nashville and tell her how you feel. And please don't come back married."

"Okay, jumping ahead of yourself there, Caroline." With the hand Stefan had resting on his wife's leg he gave it a quick squeeze. "Let's just stay out of it from here. You got what you wanted."

"Well, he does have a tendency to make grandiose decisions at the drop of a hat. Remember that time he almost got married and called it off at the altar? Yeah, I rest my case."

Damon turned and looked out the window of the limo as it passed through the streets of New York as his brother and Caroline bickered. Could it all really be as simple as she said? It didn't feel like it. Things hadn't been simple for them in a long time and he didn't know how to get them to that point again. Hell, he didn't even know that Elena wouldn't send him away. He was taking a risk by going to Nashville the same way she'd taken a risk to come to him today. It had worked out horribly for her, and that was all on him, but he hoped that it would work differently this time.

This morning, she'd shown up outside of his hotel room and laid it all on the line for him. She'd bared her heart and soul to him, and when he crushed it, she didn't get mad or fight. With a tearful smile she told him to be happy and left. Now it was his turn to lay it all out there and risk her doing to him what he'd done to her. Everything could blow up in his face down there, and he could be left with nothing when it was all said and done. He'd have no Andie and he'd have no Elena, but he had to try.

He had to get her back. He couldn't entertain the thought of it not happening. He was scared, but he had to get her back. For some reason that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to explain, he loved that girl. And when they got it right, they _got it right_. For three years, everything and anything had gotten in the way, including themselves, but he wanted that to end. The woman he loved was still there, through all of the pain and heartbreak, she was there, and he couldn't let her walk away again. This time it would be different. It had to be.


	41. The Scientist

**Chapter 40**

**But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me  
>Oh and I rush to the start<strong>

Elena felt like her heart might explode from her chest at any moment. It pounded roughly against her rib cage as she stood in front of yet another door of another guy whose heart she'd broken. After what had happened yesterday, she had still managed to get herself to Matt's apartment, and was now waiting for him to open his front door. Luckily she wasn't asking him to not get married or anything of that nature, but this could still all turn out horribly.

It could really be that final crushing blow to her ego and just her life in general. Matt could possibly not care about how she felt in regards to how they ended their relationship. He might not care to hear an apology from her at all. It had taken her almost four years to give one, and it was really only coming after she'd had her heart completely stomped on by the love of her life, but it was genuine. That had to all count for something, right?

When the door began to open, Elena's heart leapt to her throat, and she finally came face to face with Matt. She looked at the man she'd once thought she'd spend her life with, if only she had gotten over the fear she had back when she was 22. Now they were older, his hair was a little shorter, and his face showed a few signs of age, but he was still the Matt she remembered. He still had the blond hair that the girls seemed to love. His eyes, though confused right now, were as gentle as ever. He was Matt.

"Hi," she squeezed out through her tightened throat, trying to calm her nerves enough to actually say something.

"Elena?" he asked, stepping closer, like he didn't believe who was really outside of his door. "What are you doing here?"

She giggled nervously and shrugged. "Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighborhood?"

"Not really, no."

"Okay," she sighed, trying to work up the courage to do what she'd come here to do. She came here to apologize to him and try to let him know how bad she truly felt about how things had turned out. "Do you mind if I come in for a minute? It's totally okay if not. You might still hate me, and if you do, feel free to just tell me to get lost. I'm pretty used to that at the moment. It wouldn't surprise me." Like she tended to do when she was nervous, she began to ramble, mushing all of her words together and speaking faster than she could breathe. She pretty much turned into Caroline.

"Come in?" he asked unsurely, and then looked back into his apartment for a moment before he turned to her and opened the door wide. "Hope you don't mind the mess. I'm doing some work from home today." She stepped into the condo that looked over downtown Nashville and took in the spacious, modern place where Matt lived.

It was a far cry from the apartment he'd shared with two other boys back when he was in law school. Then he had the epitome of the bachelor pad. Alcohol was never at a shortage. Clothes were often strewn all over the place. Leftover pizza would sit around for however long it took one of the girlfriends to get fed up with it all and throw it away. He'd lived in a disaster zone. Now, he lived in a bright condo that was clean and tidy, save for the papers he had scattered on his dining room table with his laptop.

"This place looks great, Matt. When did you learn to pick up your wet towels?" It was her poor attempt at keeping the mood from getting too tense or uncomfortable, but from the lack of laughter, she had to admit it didn't work well.

"Had to grow up sometime," he said from not far behind her.

Elena turned around and smiled softly. "You were always grown up. You just didn't like to clean."

Matt stared at her for several long moments. It felt like he was trying to see inside of her, maybe figure out what this impromptu visit was all about. She squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze, unsure of what would come next. Finally, he lifted his hand and ran it through his tousled blond locks. "What are you doing here?" he asked again, but his voice held no malice or frustration, just confusion.

She was gnawing on her bottom lip now, struggling to put into words why she was here. In the nearly 24 hours she'd spent getting here, she never actually thought about what she would say to him. She knew she wanted to say she was sorry, but she hadn't thought about how she would word it. So, when in doubt, might as well just jump straight in, right?

"Things didn't exactly end on a good note with us, and I never got the chance to tell you I was sorry. I was stupid and naïve and I regret that. You didn't deserve what I did, and I'm sorry I'm just now telling you that."

"Elena," he started hesitantly, "That was years ago. It sucked, but I got over it. You didn't have to come all the way down here to apologize. It's over."

"But I had to," she insisted. "I've realized how selfish and inconsiderate I was back then. I've already spent a year trying to make it up to everyone around me about something else I did, but yesterday I realized that you deserved an apology from me too. You deserve a lot more than that, and I'm sorry it's taken this long, but I really need you to know I'm sorry."

Matt looked away from her then, and she felt bad for the brief flash of pain she saw in his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, anything," she said immediately.

"Why'd you do it? Why were you scared of what I wanted, but okay with Damon?"

"What do you mean?" she questioned, not sure what he was really asking.

"You're not the only one that can keep up with what is happening in someone's life, Elena. I may have heard about you moving in with Damon."

"Oh, Matt," she sighed, wondering how much Matt actually knew about that time. "That is such a different can of worms right there."

"So tell me. You're here to make amends. Tell me all of it."

Elena looked down at the floor, ashamed of the answer she would soon give him. "When I met Damon, he was going through a divorce. I'd just found out that you told Bonnie you didn't think you'd ever marry me. I felt like you were just biding your time until I finally put you out of your misery, or until you could figure out how to dump me. I realized that you had figured out we had an expiration date, and I think that was when it hit me too. And it made me feel connected to him. I started to see him as this guy who was so different from what everyone told me. Caroline swore up and down he was the worst guy ever, but I saw something different."

"You felt like he understood it," Matt said softly, a touch of clarity in his voice, and maybe even some understanding.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I did. He wasn't like Caroline and Bonnie, who had been around our relationship from the beginning, and at that point, he wasn't trying to hit on me or anything like that. He was someone to talk to, someone who just understood what it felt like to think you were going to spend your life with someone, only to open your eyes one day and realize that it wasn't going to be that way. I know you probably don't believe me, but I loved you Matt."

"I know," he whispered. "I know you did."

"You were the first guy I ever fell in love with; high school didn't count. You taught me what it meant to be loved and how to be in love. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you needed me to be. I felt like I was stuck at a standstill, no idea where my life was going to go. I should have broken up with you after the engagement party. I should have told you about the kiss. I should have been honest with you about a lot of things. Because by the time we broke up, there was nothing platonic about me and Damon. He's a man determined to get what he wants, and for some reason he wanted me."

"Were you telling the truth that night when he showed up at your apartment? Did you really only kiss?"

"Yes, I was being totally honest. All we had done is kiss, and it was at the engagement party. The only other time was the night after we broke up. Caroline took me out to try and cheer me up and he was there. I drank a little more than I should, and it just happened."

"He finally got to make his move."

"Yeah," she smiled sadly, remembering his drunken declaration that they should sleep together with absolutely no strings attached. Looking back now, it was hard to believe there was ever a time where there weren't five hundred strings attached. She had been right that night though. She told him those situations never end well, and theirs hadn't. It had all ended like an atomic bomb; one she was still feeling the aftershocks from all these years later.

"I guess that look on your face tells me how you got from what you wanted with me to what you got with him."

If only he had any idea what she'd gotten with Damon.

"I think we should probably sit down for this one."

"Sure, sure." He quickly guided her to the large sectional in the center of the room and allowed her to find her spot before he sat down a safe distance away from her. "So," Matt began nervously, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. "You and Damon?"

"Got together," she responded quietly, "As you know. Matt, I want you to know we didn't move in together because I could suddenly see everything happening with Damon that I couldn't with you. It was nothing like that."

Not at first anyway, she thought. Getting lost in her memories, she remembered how those first few nights in Damon's place had been rough. Though she had been feeling more confident and secure about the baby, she was still scared about what everything meant with Damon.

Then, one night as she was reading a pregnancy book she'd bought, resisting the urge to chuck it out the window once she got to the chapter about childbirth, Damon had come in from a late night at the office. He was halfway to shirtless before he even stepped two feet into the bedroom, and by the time he climbed onto the bed, he was in nothing but his pair of black boxers. She had watched with captivation as he lovingly caressed her stomach and began to speak to it. As she watched him ramble on about what it must be like inside of her stomach, it had hit her. That was the moment she realized she could spend the rest of her life with him, and she wasn't scared in the slightest.

"Then why would you move in with him?" Matt asked, startling her back to the present.

And there was the million dollar question.

"I was pregnant." Her stomach clenched when she said the three painful words, but Matt wanted honesty, and that was what he was going to get. "It wasn't planned or something we really wanted. It just happened."

"Oh wow," he breathed. "That's – congratulations! I didn't know. I thought I'd heard you moved to Chicago." Matt's warm smile wavered as he watched her face fall.

"You heard right. I did move to Chicago."

Realization dawned on his face and he regretfully shook his head. "I'm sorry, Elena. I didn't know."

"It's fine," she insisted with a shaky smile. "No one knew. No one still knows outside of our family and close friends. It happened, I moved to Chicago, and Damon hated me. If it makes you feel better, I totally broke his heart too. Maybe you two can start a club." She shook her head to try and get rid of the tears burning her eyes. "That doesn't matter though. What matters is I did a really crappy thing when we were together, and I didn't try hard enough to tell you I was sorry. I loved you, and you deserved better."

Matt shrugged. "We were young. We both did things we shouldn't have. I shouldn't have tried to push you into something you obviously weren't ready for. Thank you for apologizing though. It means a lot."

"Thank you for letting me." Elena sighed and looked out at the bright city in front of her. "You've done well for yourself, Matt. I'm glad."

He smiled next to her. "I definitely like Nashville a lot better than New York. It works for me."

Elena ran her hands over her jeans to straighten out wrinkles that weren't really there. "I guess I should probably head out. Bonnie can only entertain herself alone in a hotel room for so long."

Matt stood up as she did and they began to walk to the door. "You brought Bonnie with you?"

"Bonnie brought herself." At Matt's confused look she said, "It's a long story. Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Well, in that case," Matt opened the door for Elena and smiled, "It was nice to see you, Elena. I'm glad you came."

"Me too," she agreed. This had all gone so much better than she ever could have thought it would. He could have slammed the door in her face, and the entire trip would have been for nothing. Instead, he let her in and talked to her. He was still the same Matt she fell in love with, kind, compassionate, and gentle. She was glad she hadn't changed that about him. "Take care of yourself, Matt." She swayed awkwardly on her feet for a few moments, debating on whether it would be appropriate to hug him or not, but once she saw him smile, she knew she had to. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I hope you're happy."

"Right back at ya, Gilbert." His arms easily came around her waist and he hugged her closely for several long moments.

The moment felt surreal to be back in Matt's arms for the first time in years. There was once a time when her day wasn't complete without a hug from Matt. Despite how they'd ended, the relationship had been a good one. He had taught her more about herself than she'd realized for a long time. He'd been good to her, and she'd be lying if she didn't acknowledge that on some days, she missed how simple her life had been back then with him, before there was talk of moving in together and forever. Things had been nice, and hopefully she'd be able to remember those times now instead of how they ended.

"Be sure to send me a copy of your first novel, whenever you write it," he said when he let her go.

Elena pulled back too and smiled at him as she slowly nodded her head. "You'll get a signed copy."

"See you around, Elena." He caught himself on his words and chuckled softly. "Well, you get what I mean."

"Bye, Matt." She waved at him and backed out into the hallway, content with what she'd accomplished. She got some things off her chest she'd needed to, and it felt good. Now the hard part would come.

She came to Nashville and did what she said she needed to, but she couldn't stay here forever. She had to go home, at some point. The courage wasn't really there yet, but she couldn't stay gone long. She had a job and a life that she couldn't abandon. Caroline was counting on her to come back, and she couldn't let her down.

It would be with a broken heart that she'd have to return back to New York, but she'd do it. She had survived all of the ups and downs for the past four years with Damon, and she'd have to continue to survive them. It hurt like hell, and she still felt like she was hanging on by a fraying thread, moments away from losing the fragile hold she had on her emotions.

She'd spent the majority of last night crying in Bonnie's arms, unable to find a way to stop. Her friend did all she could to comfort her, but both knew that there was nothing that would help, except for time. The man she was in love with married another woman and all the comfort in the world couldn't take that pain away. All Bonnie could do for her was keep the television and phones turned off, and sit with her while she cried.

When she finally stopped crying, it all led way to second-guessing about her going to him when she did. Had she made a mistake by waiting until the day of the wedding to go to him and beg him not to do it? The sensible part of her said of course she did. What kind of woman really asks a man to not get married on his wedding day? It was selfish of her, and she couldn't ignore that, but she'd told herself being selfish was a risk she had to take, because she had no chance of getting him back if she didn't even try. She'd had an entire night to try though. Katherine had told her exactly where to find him, and all she had to do was go to him, but she waited.

She got scared and told herself she couldn't show up unprepared. She thought that if she had no idea what she would say to him or how she would say it, that he would slam the door in her face. Now she wondered if spending those hours working up the courage had really only allowed him time to realize he hadn't had anything important to say to her the night before. Or maybe he was just angry. He certainly wasn't happy with her when she showed up, and why would he be? He'd tried to talk to her the night before and she turned her back on him. She told him she didn't have time and left. She rejected him, and if there was one thing she knew about that man, it was that he didn't take rejection kindly, especially when it came from her.

In his mind, she'd rejected him. It hadn't felt that way to her. She thought she was doing the right thing at the time. That was the root of so many of their problems though. One of them always believed they were doing the right thing at first. It was only as time passed and reality set in that it would all become clear. By the time either of them would ever realize that, it would always be too late. The damage would be done, and it felt like there was no hope for repair.

Then again, that never seemed to last long either. She could not even count how many times she'd told herself she was done with him forever, that she would never look back again. Time would pass, the anger would fade, and she'd find that the love was still there, even if she wished it wasn't. She always ended up back in the same place. Through all of the pain, betrayal, and anger she never stopped loving him. He turned her away on his wedding day, and she still loved him. One of the scariest things about it was that she knew she always would.

Elena rounded the corner with a sigh and looked up at her hotel, not quite ready to go in, but not sure of what else to do. Her talk with Matt had been better than she thought, but it didn't fix everything like she'd so naively led herself to believe, something she was having to face right now. It was nice to know that she'd finally given him the apology he so truly deserved, but there was still something missing. There would be something missing for a long time now.

Her phone rang just as she was about to enter the hotel and she looked down to see Bonnie's name flash across the screen. Even though she was just a few minutes away from the room, she still answered it. "Hey, Bonnie."

"Where are you?"

"About to enter the hotel, why?"

"Have you talked to Caroline?" Bonnie demanded.

"No, she hasn't even called me since last night." As she was saying the words, she realized how odd that was. She'd had her phone off until this morning, but there were no missed calls or texts from her friend, and the blonde hadn't tried to get in touch with her once today. Not that she wasn't grateful for the space, but this was not like Caroline. Her friend did not give space. She invaded it, and lots of it. "Have you talked to her?"

She could hear Bonnie blow out an aggravated sigh on the other end of the line. "I went out to get coffee and I don't know how long it's going to take me to get back. God, I can't even believe this."

"Bonnie, what's going on?"

"Damon didn't marry Andie yesterday."

Elena froze just inside the lobby, unsure of whether or not she'd just heard her friend correctly. "What?"

"Caroline said she gave him some letter and he just called it all off. He didn't go through with it, Elena. He's not married." Her voice suddenly wavered, stumbling over her words. "He called off the wedding and said he had to find you, that you two needed to talk."

Elena struggled to inhale breath into her lungs before she managed to get out, "What are you saying?"

"Damon, he's –" Bonnie stopped again as she sighed and left Elena hanging with baited breath. "Damon's in Nashville."

A flash of black hair caught her eye and she looked up just in time to see Damon turn around and begin walking away from the reception, looking drained and worn down.

"Oh my god," she gasped.

As if her words had carried all the way across the lobby, Damon's eyes found her and he stopped abruptly in his tracks.

"Elena?" Bonnie questioned from the other side of the phone line. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

There were a million confusing thoughts going through her head as she stared at a stoic Damon. In a matter of seconds, everything she'd thought was real was apparently false. It had all changed on a dime. Damon wasn't married, and he wasn't in New York. He was here, standing in the middle of a crowded hotel lobby in Nashville. She had no information as to the how or why, just him.

Slowly, a small smile began to pull at the corners of his mouth and with an imperceptible move his shoulders rose and fell. Straining to hold in a cry trapped in her throat, she said, "Bonnie, I'm going to have to call you back." Without bothering to wait for an answer she disconnected the call and shoved her phone in her pocket.

After what felt like hours they began to move toward each other. She had no idea who took the first step, but after just a few short feet Damon's pace quickened, and he was in front of her before she could even count to three. She felt his lips on hers first, and then came his hands, gripping her tightly and pulling her to him like she was a life raft after days lost at sea.

His kisses were intoxicating, sending her into a toxic haze that she couldn't find her way out of. Her knees were weak, and save for his arms around her waist, she'd be on the floor by now. None of it made sense, and she didn't know if it would, but that was the thing with addictions, no matter how little sense it made, you always kept going back for more. The sting of her heartbreak was still fresh in her mind, but she couldn't pull away from him.

Her body shivered under his touch, drugged by the overwhelming emotion of it all. His lips were everything she remembered and so much more. There was no bitterness laced beneath, like the last time they'd kissed, just love – love and desperation. His hands moved over her as if to make sure she was as real as he was, that he really had her in his arms. Her breathing was heavy as his tongue moved hypnotically in her mouth, casting her under his spell. The moment she thought she could no longer find the strength to stand for another moment, he released her mouth, blowing out a heavy sigh that tickled her chin.

"It took me ten hotels to find you," he whispered against her lips. "I was beginning to feel like I was chasing a ghost." His touch was featherlight as he ran his fingers over her cheek, and all she could see was the crystalline blue of his eyes in front of hers. "I didn't do it. I called it all off."

Elena swallowed deeply and used the last bit of strength she had to peel her body away from Damon's and retreat back into her own space. The world was spinning around her, leaving her dizzy and disoriented. It didn't feel real. She'd dreamed of moments like these for months, for him to come to her and tell her that it was all over. She had hoped that he'd wake her up from the nightmare that was her life, but no matter how much she wished for it, it never happened. He never came and she was left with nothing every time, but somehow he was here now.

"You sent me away," she choked out.

"I know." He quickly filled up the space she'd put between them and lifted his hands to her face again. "And it was a mistake. So much of this whole thing has been a mistake, but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't marry her, not when I'm still in love with you."

And there were the words she'd waited to hear him say for years. Since the day she left for Chicago, she had missed the sound of his voice whenever he told her he loved her. There was so much emotion and vulnerability behind it that she was practically powerless to the words. And yesterday, when she'd asked him if he did, he told her he was sorry. Now he was here and he was saying all the right things, and they still did the same things they had always done, but it wasn't the same.

"You're supposed to be married," she said in a daze, trying to find a way to wrap her mind around even a fourth of what was happening right now.

"I shouldn't have sent you away yesterday. I knew it wasn't right, but I didn't know how to admit it. I didn't know how to call it off, but when I was up there at that altar and the preacher asked me to say my vows, I couldn't do it. You're who I love, and you are who I want to be with. I don't care what anyone thinks. I love you."

"Damon," she breathed, feeling herself being drawn into his vortex, unable to look away or protest.

"Tell me I'm not too late." His voice brushed over her skin, causing goosebumps to rise all over her body. "Tell me there's still a chance."

Her voice was lodged in her throat, stuck like glue, and no matter how hard she pushed to get any words out, all she found was silence. Finally, she had Damon in front of her, saying everything she'd wanted to hear for years, but she couldn't say a word. She was mute.

"Elena!" Bonnie's gasping breath came from behind her, and she felt Damon's hands regretfully fall from her skin. Her friend stopped beside her, fighting for air. "Here you are." She looked to Damon, and despite her wheezing she still managed to produce a cold glare. "Damon, nice of you to join us."

"Bonnie," he said in a clipped voice, "Likewise."

"I'm sure." She grimaced. "Anyway," she gently grabbed Elena's arm and looked up at her, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

A sense of déjà vu came over her as she looked between Damon and Bonnie, feeling torn in two directions, much like she had been two nights ago. "I-" she choked out, still lost in a maze she couldn't find her way out of.

Damon interceded as she struggled for words, focusing intently on Bonnie. "I know you hate me, and I get it. You're never gonna be my biggest fan, but your hers. You know what she wants, and as of yesterday, that was me." He turned his attention to her and even though he was still speaking to Bonnie, she knew who his words were really meant for. "All I need is five minutes right now. I don't need any answers or promises, just five minutes. If she wants to offer more, I'll take them, but right now, I just need five."

Bonnie sighed and looked to Elena again, gauging her reaction to try and find out what she wanted. "Elena?"

Just like before, she didn't know what Damon had to say or what it would all mean. In a way, he was giving her a do-over. He was giving her a chance to do what she didn't do the other night, and to see if it would change the outcome this time. She had the second chance she so desperately wanted, and it was hers for the taking. _He_ was hers for the taking.

She looked down at Bonnie and shrugged. "Meet you in the room?" Bonnie glanced nervously between Elena and Damon, looking unsure of whether it was a good idea to leave them alone or not. They were a duo prone to disaster after all, but this was a public lobby. They had made some scenes in their day, but she was confident this hotel would not be the site for one of them. "I'll be okay."

Bonnie nodded her head and backed away. "You know where to find me."

She watched her friend slowly go the elevators, and once she was a safe distance away, she turned to Damon. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "She's just –"

"She's Bonnie," he smiled softly. "I get it."

"So," she started nervously, "What do you need five minutes for?"

"A proposition." The confident Damon from only moments before, fell away and she was left with a nervous man, who looked suddenly unsure of whether his plan would work or not. He dug into his back pocket and retrieved an envelope. "Caroline told me to give these to you." He held out the envelope to her as she looked down at it in confusion. Caroline was sending her presents through Damon?

Curious, she grabbed it from his hand and opened it to find two tickets to Tahiti inside. "Caroline bought me plane tickets to Tahiti?"

"Yeah, motherhood has kind of sucked out her brain," he attempted to joke, but at her stunned face, the smile soon died on his face. "The night she gave birth to Sawyer she told me that you and me needed to go off to some private island to hash all of our drama out. So she gave me these with the order to come and get you, then go and do just that."

"You're asking me to go to Tahiti?"

"Not so much," he said softly. "Caroline got the tickets for us, but I'm going to give them to you to use how you want. You can take Bonnie, you can go by yourself, or you can throw them away. I'm hoping you will take me though. I'm going to ask you to run away with me for a few weeks, so we can talk and just be us. Because that's when we're at our best; when we're allowed to just be." He took her trembling hands into his. "I'm asking you to give me another shot, even if I don't deserve one. So, this is all you, Elena. I'm going to let you call the shots. I'll be waiting for you at airport security at 4:00."

"That's one hour from now," she gasped.

"I know." He smiled at her. A smile filled with so much love and hope that she was tempted to run away with him right that moment, to throw caution to the wind, grab onto him for dear life, and never look back. "I'm hoping it will be enough time, and that you'll choose me. Look," he sighed, and looked to the floor for several moments before his eyes met hers again, "I broke your heart yesterday, and I have no business asking you to risk that again. This is your chance to return the favor, but I'm going to beg you not to. I'm going to beg you to show up at that airport and pick me, because I've been wrong this entire time. We're not done, and we never will be."

Before she could respond he captured her lips in a passionate kiss that pulled the very breath from her lungs. His mouth melded with hers as his tongue brushed into her mouth, exploring it as if for the first time, but before she could even begin to respond, he was pulling away, breathless. "One hour."

She watched him walk away, all of the infamous Salvatore swagger back in full force as she was left to melt into an emotional puddle. All she could do was wordlessly make her way up to the hotel room she was sharing with Bonnie. She was in a blind fog as she went, unable to think about anything but his final words to her. It was everything she'd hoped to hear from him, but she didn't know whether she could give him what he was asking for. Their problem had been that they couldn't survive when the real world happened to them. Would trying to make the real world disappear actually help?

Bonnie had been pacing the floor in front of the beds when she stepped into the room, and her head immediately shot up at the sound of the door. "Are you okay?" Bonnie asked worriedly. "What did he want?"

Still in a shock, she held out the tickets to Bonnie and said, "He asked me to go to Tahiti."

Bonnie ripped the tickets from her hand and stared down at them like they were foreign currency. "He did what?"

She swallowed thickly. "He said he loves me and he was wrong about everything. He said we're not over and that we'll never be over."

"What did you say?" she demanded.

"I didn't know what to say. I _couldn't_ say anything." Elena walked over to the bed and exhaustedly dropped herself down to the mattress. "When I was on my way back from Matt's, I kept thinking about how I was going to ever feel okay again, like I wouldn't completely fall apart at the thought of Damon. Then you called me and were saying that he called off the wedding, and next thing I know, he's standing right in front of me, like he somehow magically appeared out of nowhere. And then he was kissing me and it all felt so familiar. He felt like the man I love again, and now he's asking me to go to Tahiti, but I know it's not that simple. I wish we could run off to some island and wrap everything up in this nice little, perfect bow, but that can't happen."

Her head fell into her hands and she felt the tears come before she could stop them. When she'd stopped crying some time in the early hours of the morning, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to produce another tear if she wanted to for at least a week, but here they were again, and like always, she was powerless to them because she was powerless to him. He painted such a beautiful picture asking her to run away with him. It all sounded so perfect and like it was everything they needed, but she knew things never seemed to work out that way for them. Things that should be simple somehow became so hard for them, and even if they could disappear in a far corner of the world, locked away from everyone and everything that they knew, they wouldn't get to stay there forever. At some point, they would have to come back to reality, and that was what always got them into trouble.

The mattress dipped down as Bonnie sat down next to her, and her friend's hand came to rest on her back. "Hey, it's okay," she said reassuringly. "It's been an emotional few days."

"Yesterday he was kicking me out of his hotel room to marry Andie, and now he's asking me to run away with him. I feel like I'm lost in the Twilight Zone. I feel crazy because here he is offering me everything I've wanted for so long, and I don't know what to do!"

"Okay, so let's talk through it all. If you're lost, let's help you get found," Bonnie suggested. "Why are you scared to go?"

Where did she even start? There were a million and one reasons she was scared to go, but there was really only one crippling fear. "Ever since the day I got back from Chicago, he's practically made it his mission to break my heart. For a year he has thoroughly and consistently broken my heart. I spent three days in bed after my aunt took me back to Mystic Falls. It hurt to even breathe, and I just wanted it to end. Some days I thought I would die from it all."

She could feel Bonnie tense beside her, but her friend still gently asked, "So you're scared he'll break your heart again?"

"Well, _duh_!" Bonnie chuckled softly, and Elena couldn't help the small laugh that tumbled from her shaking lips. Even in the midst of it all, her friend could still make her laugh, but it didn't take her mind away from the magnitude of the situation. "But he looked so scared and desperate down there just now. I haven't heard him that vulnerable since the night I left for Chicago, and every fiber of my being wants to believe what he said to me. I want to believe it all."

He'd looked so fragile and honest standing in front of her in that lobby, that it was hard to entertain the thought that he didn't mean every word he said. And then there was the cynical part of her brain that reminded her he was also the guy who slept with her and proposed to another woman the same day. On the other side of that token though, was that in the end he never went through with it. He came as close to it as a man could, but he didn't do it. That had to count for something.

"I don't think Caroline would have called me and said what she did if she didn't believe him. For what it's worth, she believes that he's being honest and that this is real. She told me she would cut up my favorite sweater if I interfered with this in any way. Don't think she'd do that if she thought he was still trying to jerk you around."

"The tickets are from Caroline," she revealed. "She gave them to him and said for us to go."

"So why did he give them to you?"

"Because he wants me to choose."

"How generous," Bonnie mumbled, but then quickly caught herself. "I'm sorry, Elena. I'm really, really trying to be neutral here. I just want you to do what you truly want. I want you to be happy."

"You know, Bonnie, the first conversation I ever had with Damon, he told me that sometimes, no matter how much you want a relationship to work, it just can't. For so long I've thought that it wasn't about us. That was always him and Katherine or Andie, and me and Matt. It was never us, because we were different, you know? But what if we're not different, and we can't make it work?"

Bonnie sat next to her in silence, digesting the words. She knew how hard her best friend was working right now to be supportive and put Elena's best interests first. There was a tepid history between Damon and Bonnie though. They'd never gotten along, not from that moment he'd opened his mouth in that bar and told Elena it didn't matter that she was taken. They had tolerated each other as best they could through the years, but there would never be any love lost between the two.

So when her best friend opened her mouth, she never expected the words that would come next. "I think you should go."

Elena's head shot up in surprise. "What?"

Bonnie cautiously nodded her head. "I think you have some valid points, but I don't think you believe in them. The girl who sat on this bed and cried for six hours last night doesn't believe that this relationship won't work. You believe that he's it, all the way to the bottom of your soul. You love him more than life itself, and you're scared, but you don't think this can't work."

"And that's what's gotten me in trouble."

"You and Damon have gotten yourselves in a lot of trouble over the years, but it's never really been because either of you think the relationship can't work. It's been because you were scared and stupid. You didn't think the relationship couldn't work when you went to Chicago. You thought you were putting him out of his misery and letting him go because you were broken beyond repair. He didn't think the two of you couldn't work when he slept with you. He was scared of what it meant, so he made the dumbest decision he could ever make in his life. And those are just the big ones. I have a list a mile long of the small stuff." Bonnie smiled and tightly squeezed her friend's leg. "It's not your hope that gets you into trouble, Elena. It's your fear."

Elena expected this speech from Caroline, but she never thought she'd hear those words come out of Bonnie's mouth. Even at their absolute best, she'd kept her opinion mum about Damon. She didn't say anything bad or even treat him badly, but she wasn't ever encouraging of the relationship. Elena knew it came from a place of distrust. Her mother left her when she was young, and since then she'd had trouble trusting most people she met. So, when a guy like Damon, who had a history of using and abusing women, came around, her guard went straight up, and Elena didn't think it ever went down.

Most women with sense didn't trust Damon. It had taken years for Caroline to trust him outside of anything that wasn't about Stefan. Elena saw him differently though. He wasn't an overly arrogant womanizer to her. He was a man who had lost his mother when he was just a child, and was forced to face the real world before any child should. His present was shaped entirely by his past, and it was hard not to think about that when she saw his flaws sometimes. Bonnie was right, when he got scared, he did stupid things. He would've asked her to marry him the day he found out she was pregnant if she hadn't threatened to slap him. He overcompensated in the absolute worst direction, and that resulted in her getting hurt a lot of the time.

They'd both suffered more than a lifetime's worth of pain at the hands of each other. If any higher power existed, surely they would have been able to let each other go years ago for their sanity if for no other reason. They'd lived in a cycle of destruction for longer than she ever thought she could handle, all because they hadn't been able to do anything else. They could never get on the same page, but now he was here, ready to jump straight onto whatever page she was on, and it was all up to her. It was all in her hands now.

"What if it doesn't work? What if we go away and everything falls apart the minute we come back?"

Bonnie shrugged. "Then it falls apart, but at least you know you've both tried."

"I don't think I can go through another day like yesterday, Bonnie. I don't think I can take it anymore."

"That's why you have to decide if he's worth it," Bonnie whispered. "You have to decide whether all the pain in the world is worth giving it one more shot. You can't get him if you don't try." Bonnie stood up and walked over to Elena's suitcase that was open on the floor, clothes scattered all around it. She picked it up and hauled it over to Elena's bed, where she unceremoniously threw it down next to her. "So, for once in your life, take a risk because you want it, not because you're scared. Go!"

Elena stared nervously down at her suitcase. "What about you? I can't just abandon you in Nashville."

"I know how to change a flight schedule. I'll get back to New York just fine."

"But you came all the way down here with me because you didn't want me to be alone."

"I did." She nodded her head. "But a lot has changed since yesterday. Damon isn't married and he's here. Don't worry about me. I'm going to go home and be perfectly fine."

"Okay." Elena tried to breathe around her pounding heart and slowly nodded her head. "Okay, I'll go."

"Oh, thank god," Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief. "Caroline was seriously going to murder me if you didn't go with Damon." She smiled down at Elena and held her hand out for her to grab. "Shall we get you packed and ready?" With a smile of her own she placed her hand in Bonnie's and jumped to her feet.

Packing Elena's bags didn't take very long, seeing as she had only packed enough for a few days, but it still left her with little time to get to the airport in time to meet Damon. She had to rush out of the hotel room, making Bonnie promise her that she was really okay with her leaving her in the middle of a city she didn't know. With one last reassurance Bonnie shoved her out the door, and she was off to the airport, prepared to run off and disappear for the second time in twenty-four hours.

Everything came down to this trip and how they could handle it all. So many things would have to fall into place for this to all work out. They'd have to suddenly find the growth they'd been looking for. They'd have to work through years of anger and pain. She wasn't naïve enough to think it wouldn't hurt like hell at times. This would be painful, no matter how well it went, but she had to face it. She had to face every bad memory she had, and find a way to let it all go. They both did.

This trip would make them or break them, for good this time.

Something about Tahiti didn't feel right though. It sounded like a great idea on the surface, but something about it felt wrong. Though they would be thousands of miles away from anyone they knew, they'd still be around people. Damon wouldn't go to Tahiti without getting them to stay in some extravagant resort that would give them the chance to distract themselves with the beach, massages, and whatever else the resort had to offer. It would be too easy to run when things got hard, and they couldn't afford that anymore.

They needed something different, something that didn't give them those chances. They needed a trip that gave them no option but to stick it out and face it all. And as the taxi pulled up outside of the airport, she remembered something her mom had told her when her parents went away for their fifteenth wedding anniversary. Her parents had decided to go on a road trip, which Elena thought was stupid at the time. She had been a teenager and still believed everything needed to be overly romantic all the time. She hadn't yet understood the hardships of relationships, and her mother knew that, so she'd explained to her why it was the best thing they could do.

Her mother told her that if you wanted to know what your relationship was really made of, go on a road trip, because there was only so much flipping through radio stations that could be done before you had to talk. She said there was something about being enclosed in a car as you drove through the middle of nowhere that made you honest. It was her belief that that honesty would define a relationship, that if you could handle the things you found out during that trip, you could handle almost anything. Because, it wasn't some pretty, romantic vacation; it was ugly at times and tested your sanity, but that was what relationships were about. They were about what you cold make out of the ugly times that made you want to pull your hair out.

That was why she and Damon needed to do this.

If this worked, Elena didn't know what she'd tell Caroline. The tickets to Tahiti had been amazing, and if this trip had been for any other reason, she would have gone in a heartbeat, but this wasn't really a vacation. This time away would determine whether or not they could find a way to work through all of the wreckage that lain between them. This would be the last chance to figure out if the love she thought was there was really there, or if they'd simply been holding on because they didn't know how to let go.

A road trip was on a completely different playing field than Tahiti. She wouldn't be staying in a five star resort and soaking up the sun on the beach. No, she would be locked in a car with Damon for hours and hours on end, with no real place to go. This would be the true test for them.

She just had to get him to say yes.

Elena's hands shook as she walked into the small Nashville airport, her suitcase rolling behind her. The crowd was minimal, making it easy for her to search through the people for that head of stark black hair. At first, she didn't spot any sign of him, and she could feel her adrenaline beginning to wane. Just because he'd asked her to go with him, it didn't mean that he wouldn't change his mind or get scared, but then, as a small family moved forward, she saw him. He was standing next to his suitcase, looking nervously down at his hands, and the sight immediately gave her some sense of comfort. She wasn't the only one scared right now.

As if he could feel her presence, his head lifted and his own eyes searched the crowd before they found her still form by the doors. A bright, beautiful smile spread across his face, and she felt her stomach flutter at the sight. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him smile like that, and it still made her as weak in the knees as it ever had. Every fear and doubt she had had in the past hour suddenly dissipated and she was left with nothing but pure joy. They could do this.

It almost took longer than she could stand to close the small distance between them, but she finally found herself in front of him. "You said something about going on a trip?"

If possible, his smile broadened. "I did." He nodded his head. "This mean you're in?"

"I'm in," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "Although, I do have one suggestion."

"Oh yeah?"

"Tahiti sounds great, and Caroline is amazing for getting the tickets, but what would you say if instead of Tahiti, we did something else?"

"And what would that be?"

"Let's go on a road trip." It sounded crazy to her ears, but not any crazier than running off to Tahiti. "Let's rent a car and just drive."

Damon seemed intrigued by the idea, but he still asked, "Where would we go?"

"Nowhere," she smiled, "Everywhere."

"There are no private villas on a road trip," he reminded her.

"I don't need a private villa, or some secluded island." Her lower lip trembled and she shakily shrugged her shoulders. "I just need you. So, what do you say? Go on a road trip with me?"

Damon was nodding his head before she could finish her question. "Wherever you want to go, I want to go." He stepped forward and took her suitcase from her. "Let's go rent us a car."

In a town like Nashville, it was easy enough to rent a car, and Damon, being the man that he was, managed to wrangle them a Mercedes for their open-ended trip. It was a black SUV that was far fancier than anything they needed, but if a Mercedes was what he needed to survive living like a commoner, she needed it too.

He loaded the car up and soon they were ready to go. With her head resting on the back of the seat, she smiled over at him. "You sure you can handle slumming it like this, Salvatore?"

He smirked as he put the car in reverse and began to back out of the parking space. "It will be an adjustment, but I think I can make it work."

"This won't always be pretty."

"I know," he told her confidently.

"It's going to be hard." She didn't know why she was saying these things to him, like she was trying to get him to change his mind. She didn't want him to back out, but she also didn't want either of them to go into this with any illusions. No matter what they accomplished on this trip, even when they got back, things would be hard.

Damon reached over the console and grabbed Elena's hand in his, lacing his fingers through her. He glanced over at her as he stopped behind the other cars in front of them, slowly making their way out of the parking garage. "Elena, I hate to break it to you, but nothing with us has ever been easy. And I don't know about you, but I kind of like it like that."


	42. Poison & Wine

Author's Note: This is a bittersweet moment, people. After 41 chapters, we're at the end. This is the last real chapter of the story. All we have left is the Epilogue. It's hard to let this chapter go. I've gotten so many questions about when this chapter was coming, and truthfully, I just didn't know how to post this. It was hard to write, because I knew once I wrote it, I'd have to give it up. Writing is a very personal thing for me. I write tons of things that people never see, because I write first for myself, which is what I think makes a good story. A good story is by someone who writes to feed something in them, not to appease everyone else, because then everything gets jumbled and messed up. So, this story you have all been reading for over a year feels very much like a part of me. I love it dearly and hold it so close, and I'm scared to see it come to an end, but it must. You all deserve an ending to this story, and an ending you will get.

So enjoy this chapter, and the Epilogue will be coming soon. And send a huge thanks to the amazing Sandra for providing her awesome beta help through this. She's great! Also, if you're one of my readers who likes music in the background, I played two songs on repeat throughout the writing of this chapter. The main one was Poison & Wine, the title of the chapter. I've been waiting over a year for the perfect chapter for this song, and it's fitting it comes now. The other was Alien Like You by The Pigott Brothers. They're both great songs that really fit the chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 41**

**I don't have a choice, but I still choose you  
><strong>**Oh, I don't love you, but I always will**

"I cannot believe you got us lost!" Elena shouted as she stormed out of the SUV, slamming the car door with surprising force behind her. She turned around and glared at him through the rolled down window before she stomped off toward the small gas station.

They were officially in bum-fuck nowhere and Damon had no idea how to get them back to civilization. Elena was not pleased, and she was more than happy to let him know. She had spent the past hour making sure he knew, and to be honest, he was a little sick of it.

It was three days into their spontaneous road trip and the tension that had been building since they left was finally boiling over. The idea that had seemed so great at the time now felt like a disaster. For three days straight they'd been locked in the same car together, all day, every day. And if they weren't in the car, they were eating together or in the same hotel room. They were together twenty-four hours a day, yet they'd accomplished nothing they had set out to.

In an instant, after years of space and pain separating them, they were now stuck together with nowhere to go. And the ease that seemed so easy to find once, now felt like an illusion. There was so much to talk about and neither knew where to start, so they reverted to what they did best, deflection. Elena had taken over the itinerary, taking them all over the country to whatever random spot she thought sounded interesting. He'd gone along with it at first, but there were only so many dive motels in the middle of nowhere he could handle.

"I'm from New York City," he yelled at her while he shoved open his door and jumped down to the ground, quickly following behind her. "What the hell did you think would happen when you decided to go on a road trip with me?"

Elena halted and spun around on her heel as she firmly planted her hands on her hips. "I thought maybe you'd actually listen to me when I gave you directions! I told you to go left when we got off the interstate!"

"As if you'd let me forget!" he bellowed.

"I have to keep repeating it because you won't listen to any directions I give."

"Maybe I'd listen to them if you'd stop harping in my ear every five seconds."

"You're being dramatic," she scoffed. "You're just mad that you haven't had any Egyptian cotton sheets to sleep on, and you can't find a liquor store or bar that serves the insanely overpriced lighter fluid you call scotch."

"You take that back!" he demanded. "That lighter fluid, as you call it, is $400 a bottle for a reason, which you'd know if you didn't have such horrid taste in alcohol."

"Just because I prefer to have my internal organs left intact at the end of the night doesn't mean I have bad taste in alcohol."

"Well, excuse me, Miss _I'm sorry, the vodka isn't properly balanced with the pomegranate_." He pulled out an overly high-pitched mocking voice that left her steaming for several moments, her eyes wide as she stared at him incredulously.

"First, that was one time, and that drink was horrible," she defended herself. "And second," her voice dropped and her mouth twitched as she fought to keep a smile from her face, "Is that the best impression you can do of me?"

"Eh," he shrugged, "I got the gist of it."

She barely lasted a few more seconds before she lost the battle with herself and laughter came pouring from her mouth. Her head fell back and her mouth opened wide, leaving way for the most glorious sound his ears had heard in years. All he could do was watch as her shoulders shook and she laughed until she cried in the middle of the deserted, rundown gas station parking lot. And just like that, all the tension was broken.

When she finally stopped and looked up at him, out of breath and her hair blowing freely around her, he smiled and shook her head. "Four years and that is seriously the best you can do?"

"The imitation may be weak, but you can't deny that it's true."

She rolled her eyes and held out her hand to him. "You're impossible. Will you just get over yourself and accept directions now so we won't be stuck in Nowhere, USA for the rest of our lives?"

"Aw, but I'm kind of starting to like it here," he said sarcastically. "What with the roads that lead to nowhere, restaurants with meals that top out at seven dollars, and hotels with rooms that look like they've been a host to a murder or two in their time. It's got a charm."

"Shut up." She grabbed his hand and twined her fingers with his. "You're such a baby."

As predicted by Elena, the gas attendant was able to give them directions that had them back on the interstate in thirty minutes, leaving him with a giddy and cocky passenger. However, due to the detour they'd taken that day, getting lost for more than three hours left them scrambling for a plan, because her previous one was now out the window.

"How about we stop in the first town that looks good enough and stay there for the night?" he suggested after an hour of Elena frantically searching her iPhone for some other plan.

"Fine," she sighed, looking dejected at the idea. "I guess we'll just stay in some boring hotel like pretty much every other hotel on the side of a highway is."

"Careful," he playfully warned, "You're starting to sound like Caroline."

"Whatever," she grumbled, "I think there's actually a decently sized city a few miles from here."

"Aw, cheer up." He reached over and squeezed her thigh lovingly. "This is what you wanted, right? Us spending every waking moment together in a car, and staying in crappy hotels?"

Elena watched his hand for a few moments when he didn't immediately move it back to the steering wheel. "It might be more enjoyable if you weren't complaining the whole time."

"If I wasn't, you'd think I was dead," he pointed out. He was behind the whole reason for being on this trip, but he couldn't deny that he was a fish out of water. He was a man accustomed to elegant things. Road trips did not fall under that category, and that took time to get used to.

"But are you complaining because you're Damon or are you complaining because you don't want to be here?"

"Hey," he moved his hand up to her head and gently ran it through her long locks, "I'm here because I want to be. End of story."

Elena sighed and turned to glance out the window. "Let's find some place to eat. I'm hungry."

Feeling dejected, Damon pulled his hand away from Elena's hair and returned it to the steering wheel. They had been walking a fine line for the past three days and it was getting harder to navigate with each passing moment. For a few minutes things would be simple and easy and Elena's hand would be encompassed tightly by his, and she'd reach out for him when he was getting too far ahead or behind. They would joke around and talk about Sawyer and everything back in New York, and then, like a switch had been flipped, she'd withdraw and retreat into her own head.

There was a battle raging inside of her that he wished he could be privy to. He knew it was about them and this relationship saving trip they were on. She was scared of the outcome, but he couldn't get her to open up long enough to vocalize any of her fears to him. Then again, he hadn't been very forthcoming about many things going around in his head either. He didn't know where to start.

There was so much they needed to talk about, but he didn't know how to. Once they opened that door, there would be no closing it. They'd have to face the ugly truth of what had happened in the past three years. They'd have to face it and deal with it. And then there was no guarantee that it would get them anywhere. They could fight and open up all the old wounds only to come away from the trip more separated than ever before. He didn't want to risk that. So he stayed quiet, but then there would be moments like this where he was so close to her, and felt like they were on the same page, only for her to slam the book and toss it out of the window.

He felt the immediate loss so immensely, and he desperately wanted her back to how she was a few moments before, but that meant talking about things that were hard to talk about. It meant talking about the miscarriage, her leaving, and Andie. It meant talking about so many painful things, and it was hard to open himself up to that.

So he allowed them to fall into a tense silence for thirty minutes until they finally found a town that looked like it had a halfway decent hotel and at least a few restaurants to choose from. It wouldn't be anything great, but it would have to do, and he could not stay stuck in this car for another moment. The tension was too thick and suffocating. He needed air.

Elena stayed in the car while he went inside and booked what passed for a suite in the hotel. He assumed it was really just a bed and a minibar, but it would be better than the dive motel they'd stayed in last night.

"Okay, I booked us a room," he called when he came back outside. "Want to go get some food? There's a restaurant right next to the hotel, so we can just walk."

"Yeah." Elena unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. She quietly followed him to the restaurant that said it was known for its burgers and fries, and got seated in a somewhat secluded booth in the back.

"Are we going to sit in silence for the rest of the night, Elena, or are you actually going to acknowledge me?"

She glanced up from her menu, a confused look on her face. "I'm just tired, okay? It's been a long day."

Damon closed his menu and pushed it to the side of the table. "You asked me if I wanted to be here, and I do, but do you want to be here?"

"What kind of question is that? I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."

"Then how come you act like you barely want to be touched by me half the time."

"You were engaged to someone else less than a week ago, Damon. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around everything. "

"What's there to wrap your brain around? We want this, and we'll figure stuff out."

"I feel guilty, okay?"

"Why would you feel guilty?"

He was the one that had run out on his wedding. Elena hadn't done anything wrong. All she'd done was love him, while he threw it in her face that he was with someone else and that he'd never be with her. She had nothing to feel guilty about.

She sighed "A part of me still feels like we're doing something wrong. I want this trip because we need it, but I also feel like we're hiding from it all. This past year, we've kept everything so insular with us. We were sneaking off to empty rooms and meeting in a bar so no one would know. No matter how we felt, we still knew we were doing something wrong. And now you ran off to find me, your ex-girlfriend, the day you called off your wedding. It just makes me feel guilty, and like I've been horrible to Andie."

"She isn't your concern. I'm the one who hurt Andie. Not you. Why are you even thinking about her?"

"Because Andie is a good person and we both have collectively broken her heart. I feel bad. I was in her place once."

"Elena, you were never in Andie's place." He didn't know how to even begin to explain the complexities and problems that had made up his relationship with Andie. They were nothing close to what he and Elena had. With Elena, at the base of it all, there had always been a deep, abiding, passionate love that had them coming back for more. With Andie, there was love, but they lacked the need for each other. They both knew, albeit begrudgingly, that they would be okay if the other walked away. They loved each other, but they weren't in love with each other, and that was the difference. "She knew a lot more than I think either of us realized. Nothing about what happened on our wedding day came as an actual surprise to her."

Elena looked down at the table, guilt swimming in her eyes. "She begged me to stay away from you. Not in those exact words or anything, but she knew things weren't right. She loved you, Damon."

Damon reached across the table and took one of Elena's hands in his. "I know she did, but it wasn't in the way either of us needed. I'm not who she needs and she knows that. We were playing a dangerous game that was going to crash and burn if we didn't end it. She knows that. So don't feel guilty. You weren't the problem with me and Andie, I was."

"Still makes me feel bad."

Damon slid out of his side of the booth and joined Elena on her side. He moved in close to her, turning his body so he could face her as much as was possible in the small space. "I don't want you to feel bad. This is not about Andie or anyone else. This whole thing is about you and me." He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, taking in this moment of being next to her and her not pulling away. "I love you," he whispered.

"I want to be here," she assured him softly. "I promise, I do. This is just harder than I thought it would be."

"We both knew it was going to be tough when we agreed to it, Elena. We just have to push through it."

"It's really easy to say that right now, but this right here isn't the real world, Damon. You ran out on your wedding. We have to go back to that. If your father didn't hate everything about me before, he certainly will now. He's going to think this is all my fault. Everyone is going to stare at us and talk about us. They're going to think we've been together this whole time."

"I don't care what they think. I care what you think. This is all about us, not anyone else."

A gentle smile spread over Elena's face. "When did you turn into this guy that is reassuring and gives good advice?"

Truthfully, he didn't know. He had no idea when he'd become this guy. He didn't even know if he really was this guy. He couldn't do this with other people. He wasn't the reassuring guy. He didn't try to make people feel better. This was Elena though, and he couldn't help but want to make things better for her. He wanted her happy, and after spending so long making her miserable, he'd do whatever he could to bring back the girl who maybe laughed a little too loudly sometimes, and thought the best of everyone. She was still in there, but she'd been buried under a lot of pain and heartache. It was his job to find her.

"It's because of you. Everything is because of you." He brushed his fingers through her hair and pressed his mouth to her ear. "What do you say we just get room service? I don't want to sit in some crappy restaurant." Elena's breathing sped up as his other hand softly skimmed over her breasts and he asked "you want to?"

She nodded her head against his. "Yeah, I want to." Those were the only words of encouragement he needed to pull her from the booth and practically drag her out of the restaurant. How could he be expected to sit across from her and eat a burger when all he wanted was her? She giggled behind him as he pulled her through the parking lot. "Slow down."

"No way, baby." He bounced on his heels as they waited for the elevator, pressing the button multiple times until the doors at last slid open. "Finally!" He tugged her in and shoved her against the back wall. He reached behind him and pressed the button for their floor and then turned back to grab her face in his hands. "God, I want you."

"So aggressive," she mumbled against his lips.

"What can I say? I'm a man who knows what he wants." His mouth trailed her jawline, tasting her sweet skin on his lips.

Elena tensed in his arms for the briefest of moments, giving him slight pause in his ministrations against her neck. As quickly as it came, though, it passed and she tugged his mouth back to hers. "No more talking." He was more than happy to oblige her request and throw all ideas of discussion out the window so he could focus on nothing but her.

When the elevator doors opened on their floor he was unable to pull away from her and kept her pressed against him as he backed out of the elevator. Her hands pulled and tugged at his shirt. "You're going to ruin my clothes."

"Hush."

He roughly pushed Elena to the door of their hotel room and fished the key from the pocket he'd shoved it into when he checked in. It proved quite difficult to get into a hotel room with all of his attention focused on Elena and the places her hands were going, but he figured it out in time, and the door fell open behind her.

They stumbled inside, legs tangling together as they tried not to tumble to the floor. Somehow they made it to the bed without falling and breaking one of their legs, and when he fell onto that bed with her beneath him, all he could think about was how he'd missed this. His fingers dipped beneath the material of her shirt, and across the smooth skin of her stomach. "How have I gone so long without you?" he wondered aloud.

Elena's hands froze on the button of his jeans and she quickly gasped, "Wait, wait, wait," while pushing at his chest to stop him.

"What?" He fell away breathlessly, confusion and agitation in his voice. He had been waiting for this since the moment he saw her in Nashville, and now, having her underneath him, wanting him, his brain didn't understand why it wasn't happening.

"We can't do this," she told him. "It's too soon."

"What do you mean it's too soon?"

Elena sat up, her rumpled hair falling behind her back, and her shirt hanging awkwardly from her shoulders. She turned incredulous eyes down on him and he realized he didn't think that question through before he'd asked it. All of his blood was still rushing elsewhere at the moment and his brain wasn't in any shape to be having conversations that required anything other than telling her where to move her hand.

"The last time we slept together, you left me in bed to go propose to Andie."

"And we'll talk about that." They'd just talked about one aspect of the Andie relationship not twenty minutes ago. He was not ready for more right now. He just wanted her naked and writhing beneath him. "I don't want to talk about her right now. We just did that. We'll talk about it all later."

"After we have sex and I lie in bed all night waiting to see if you're going to run away again? Talking about one part of your relationship with her doesn't mean the other things suddenly don't matter." Tears shimmered in her eyes in the dim light of the room and he suddenly saw it all with such clarity. "The last time we ended up having sex was pretty much exactly like this, and that ended with my aunt wanting to commit me against my own will. Saying you wish you were dead can apparently be grounds to commit a person, or at least in the backwoods town of Mystic Falls it could. I can't do that again, Damon."

He reached out to her and grabbed her hands tightly in his. "And you won't have to. I'm not leaving you again. I love you."

"You loved me then!" she pointed out.

"And I made a mistake," he countered. "I messed up when I proposed to Andie, but I'm not going to do that now."

"Finally!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in mock victory.

"Was that what you wanted to hear?" he shouted, angered by her reaction to his candid confession. It hadn't been an easy realization for him, and he'd only been able to admit it to himself the day of his wedding. So, to say it out loud was a hard thing to do. It was hard to openly admit what a monumental error in judgment he had made that day, and for her to behave so flippantly about it had him moments away from playing right into her hand. "You're giving me whiplash! You want to talk and then you don't want to talk. You want me to touch you, but then you don't even want me to look at you. Just tell me what you want!"

He knew what she was doing right now. She was trying to pick a fight with him because she was scared.

"I want to hear you being honest! You have spent the better part of a year lying to my face and ridiculing me for leaving three years ago, but the truth is, all you've done this year is walk away, Damon. Every time things got hard you left, and I was the one left to pick up the pieces, just like you had been."

Damon shot off the bed like a canon, unable to stay seated a moment longer. "Don't you even dare compare the two," he warned her. "I was already hanging on by a thread after you lost the baby. When I came home to find you with your bags packed and your mind made up, I lost it. I quit my job, Elena."

"And went back to Katherine!" She was off the bed now, too, coming toward him, her chest heaving and her face red with anger. "The second your bed got cold you ran right back to the woman you swore up and down that you were over, and told her all of our dirty little secrets, the ones you couldn't even tell Andie."

Damon froze and eyed Elena suspiciously, trying to determine how much she knew and how much she was simply pretending to know. She wasn't above pulling a Caroline when she felt the need, and he couldn't tell whether she knew what she was implying or not. "What are you talking about?"

Defiant, Elena crossed her arms over her chest and said, "I'm talking about the fact that you told her I was pregnant."

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up at her words. "How do you know that?" He'd never told anyone what he had shared with Katherine during their brief reunion. There was only one way she could know that.

"You know how," she said.

"What were you doing talking to Katherine?" he demanded, perhaps more harshly than he should given the shaky territory they were about to enter.

"Trust me, it wasn't by choice. I didn't actually seek her out. She found me and proceeded to fill me in on things you should have told me. Like how you never threw my letter away and kept it in your nightstand, right next to an engagement ring I never knew you had."

"That's kind of the point of an engagement ring, Elena! The girl isn't supposed to know about it until the guy is proposing."

"Well there's still the letter!" Elena turned and let out a frustrated scream. "God, Damon. I spent two years thinking I somehow failed epically in trying to describe how broken and hopeless I felt when I left. To know you had the letter and never even read it is infuriating! Did you never even care?"

"All I did was care," he returned. "For three years, I tried to tell myself I didn't care, at least not in the way that meant I still loved you. Because that option was not acceptable. I was the man that never went back once he said he was done, so I had to stick to that, but it became impossible to deny you. You owned me, mind, body, and soul and no amount of denial would change that. And you know it, as you just reminded me five minutes ago when you said I loved you. I just made some mistakes."

"Yet I am just supposed to immediately forgive you for yours, when you couldn't do the same for me," she asked.

"I was mad and I lashed out."

"You didn't just lash out, you made it your mission to crush me!" she cried out. "For months you took every chance you got to dig the knife in a little deeper and twist it."

"Then why are you even here, Elena? If I'm such horrible person why the hell are we even doing this?!" He couldn't believe how quickly everything had spiraled out of control. Not five minutes ago he had her in his arms, and now she looked as if she couldn't be far enough away from him. Had they grossly miscalculated everything by going on this road trip?

Elena immediately deflated and collapsed onto the bed. She bent over, hugging her knees tightly and burying her face in them as she began to softly cry. Even though he was angry, it hurt him to see her in pain knowing he was the reason. Slowly, he walked toward the bed and kneeled down in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered from behind her hands.

He draped his arms over her legs and quietly asked, "Do you love me?"

She lifted her tearstained face to meet his eyes. "My life would be so much easier if I didn't."

"I think that goes for both of us." He lazily ran his fingers over her jean-clad thighs as he tried to begin to put together what he wanted to say. "I made a lot of mistakes, but I love you, Elena. I'm here because I want you. I don't want Andie or Katherine. _I want you_."

"Can you really blame me for having doubts? You went back to Katherine, the one woman you knew I felt threatened by. You proposed to another woman, Damon. I slept with you and told you I loved you and you proposed to someone else."

"And I'm sorry." He sighed and shook his head, wishing he could somehow snap his fingers and make it all better, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple. He couldn't lose sight of what he'd said to her when he agreed to this road trip. It was going to be hard, but he was up for that. He was up for it all. "God, there is so much I have done that I shouldn't have. I didn't listen to anyone around me. Just like you couldn't when you were determined to go to Chicago, even though we all told you it wouldn't work."

Everyone had told him that he was making the wrong choice with Andie. The evidence had always been there. He'd been able to tell Katherine the dark, twisted story about him and Elena, even if it had been forced out of him most of the time. Yet, he could never actually open up that part of himself to Andie. He kept so much of himself shut off because he thought he needed things to be simple. He thought he needed a life without the screaming and blinding rage that Elena could ignite in him, but he had been wrong. He needed the dark moments because he couldn't truly survive without the good ones.

No matter how bad things had gotten, she was still the woman he loved. Katherine had been the woman that taught him how to love and what it was really like, but Elena was the love of his life. He realized that more in this moment than ever before. It would be so easy to walk out of the hotel room and claim that there was too much to overcome, but he knew that wasn't true. He just needed her to see it too.

"Did you ask Andie to marry you to hurt me?" she whispered, her voice barely loud enough to carry the short distance to his ears.

He was transported back to that Christmas Eve where she had accused him of manipulating her for weeks before the night they slept together, all so he could devastate her with one crushing blow. It would have been a brilliant plan if that was what he had really been out to accomplish, but it hadn't been. Not even close. He'd never planned to sleep with her. He'd truthfully never had any plans for that night – no real ones. He had been so blinded by jealousy though that he had lost all ability to think.

Then he had been kissing her and it had felt like coming home for the first time in years. It was all so natural and real that when he woke up the next morning, he'd panicked. That night had showed him how easy it would be to go right back to that place with Elena, and that had scared him. It would be opening himself up to the possible heartbreak all over again, and he hadn't been able to do that then. There had still been so much distrust left there that he hadn't know how to overcome.

It had taken until his wedding day to realize that, no matter the risk, he had to have Elena again. He wanted every moment he could get with her – the good, the bad, and the ugly. He wanted it all, and he wanted it with her. If it all ended horribly, so be it. At least he'd finally be going after something he wanted because he was being honest to himself instead of living in a constant state of denial.

"I proposed because I was scared," he finally admitted, breaking the silence. "I thought if I proposed that it would somehow keep us from being able to hurt each other. I thought that if I just tried hard enough with Andie I wouldn't be affected by you anymore, but the harder I tried, the more I failed." He sighed and allowed himself to finally say the words he should have said so long ago. "You'll always be the girl I found sitting at the edge of that pool, draped in moonlight and confusion, and my road will always bring me back to you."

Another tear slid down Elena's damp cheek and she pulled in a shaky breath. "In my letter, I told you that you were always going to be the man that found me at that rooftop pool when I had no idea where I was going, and gave me hope that I'd figure it all out. I wish I could have just told you everything I felt back then, instead of feeling like I had to run away. I thought I was doing more harm than good by staying with you when I was so broken. I'm sorry."

Elena dropped her head in embarrassment, but he gently lifted her chin so he could really see her when he said, "I know." Confusion swirled in her brown eyes, not understanding what he was trying to say. "I read the letter."

"What?" She began to shake her head. "No, you kept it in your nightstand. Katherine said you never read it."

"I read it right before I went into the chapel to get married. I read it all, and then I called the wedding off."

"You read it?" she cried. "You really read it?"

His fingers traced her trembling lips and he couldn't help but smile. "Every word."

He lifted his free hand and brought it to rest against her cheek. She watched as his gaze darted between her eyes and her lips before stopping on her lips as she brought a hand up to rest gently against his. She turned her face into his palm and kissed it softly, her lips light against his skin.

"Damon ... "

At the sensation of her warm breath against his rough palm he caught her gently by the chin and turned her back to face him. Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned up, brushing his lips against hers.

His tongue invaded the confines of her mouth and she released his pinky from her grasp, sinking her fingers into his hair. Everything around them seemed to fall away as she melted against him, their mouths coming together again and again, desperate for more.

His free hand was now clinched at her waist, slipping his fingers beneath her thin shirt. He needed to re-memorize every inch of her. Goosebumps cropped up along her skin, spreading over her body from his heated touch. Her thin fingers slid into his hair, her nails scraping across his scalp, making him nearly moan from the sensation.

This time there was no pushing him away or telling him they had more to talk about. They'd done enough talking for the day. There would be more talks at a later time, but they'd finally had the real conversation that needed to be had. They had faced the pain and torture they'd put the other through. It wasn't all fixed, not even close, but they knew it would be. They knew they were both in this now, and that was what mattered.

A hot fire ignited inside him and spread through his veins, putting him on edge. Everything about the way she kissed him was so familiar and yet so new that he felt like he was home, but desperate to know more at the same time. This was where they worked together. No matter what, their sexual chemistry had never faltered in four years, and it was still as strong as ever.

Her mouth slowly broke away from his and she trailed it along his jaw. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, pulling at each one until they finally broke free, and before long, her hands were running over the taut muscles beneath his skin. Her lips found his earlobe and her tongue gently swirled it into her mouth, sucking on it in just the way that made him nearly come undone from the sensation alone. The movement elicited a low, feral moan from the back of his throat, and his fingertips dug further into her skin.

She released his earlobe from her lips and pulled back, leaving a few inches of space between them. Enough to give him room to ask "God, I love you more than anything. You know that, right?" Her answer was a simple nod of her head and her eyes stayed glued to his while her fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as she quickly pulled it up and over her head. With a simple flick of her wrist she tossed it on the floor. Her bra-clad breasts rose and fell rapidly with her frenzied breathing, and he found himself mesmerized by the sight.

How had he gone so many months without her? How had he ever thought he could go a lifetime without her?

The corners of her mouth turned slightly upward. She grabbed his arms and pulled him up until he rose into a standing position, giving her access to his jeans after she pulled his shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she focused intently on ridding him of his pants, and all he could do was watch to make sure this was really happening. That this was really going to happen. It wasn't frenzied or panicked, just desperate to feel the connection again that had always been there. She wouldn't be left heartbroken and alone in the morning. They were real, and it wouldn't be just for tonight.

She pushed his pants and boxers down his legs, and the smile grew on her face. "Much better."

He looked at her sitting on the bed in her bra and jeans, significantly more clothed than him. Something was wrong with that. "This doesn't feel very even."

Elena grabbed his arms and pulled him down to her with a growl. "Shut up." She fell back against the mattress, pulling him with her as she went.

Their mouths met, lips already parted, anxiously awaiting the fusion of their tongues. His hands spanned the width of her back, his fingers dancing softly over her skin. Her hands held tight to the sides of his face, making sure he didn't go anywhere. As if he ever would.

His body pressed her into the soft comforter and he let his mouth trail down her neck to that sweet spot that he knew would make her writhe beneath him with want. Soon, he had her gasping for air and begging for more. "Oh god, I need you."

Their bodies rocked against each other, the friction driving him wild. He pressed his groin into the apex of her thighs and she gripped tightly at his waist, keeping him there for a moment. He desperately wanted to be inside her, feel her walls clench around him. That thought fueled the action of trailing his fingers down her taut stomach that tensed under his touch. He went to work at unbuttoning her jeans, ready to have them off of her and onto the floor.

He could see a hint of her turquoise panties as he unzipped her jeans, making him instantly harder. She had done that on purpose. She knew he loved seeing her in blue lingerie. There was no way she'd put on that pair of underwear this morning without knowing what it would do to him if he saw it.

"You're going to be the death of me."

"Likewise," she murmured beneath him, her face flushed, and her lips parted as she fought to regain the breath that she would soon lose again. She pushed at his chest until he sat up enough for her to lift her hips and allow him to pull the jeans and her panties from her ready and waiting body. It took far too long for his liking, but soon they were finally on the floor with all of his clothes. He slid back up her taut body, his hands greedily touching every bare inch of her that they could, making her desperately moan, "come here."

He dipped his head willingly, bringing their lips together once more. It had been months since he'd felt her lips against his, and as far as he was concerned, he'd never be able to get enough ever again. He'd never be able to get enough of any of her ever. They'd missed out on far too much for far too long, and he wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

In one swift move he rolled onto his back, pulling Elena on top of him without their lips breaking contact for even a single moment. Now that he had her against him like this, he wasn't letting her go anywhere. Her legs straddled his waist and he was physically aching to be inside of her. His fingers skillfully worked at undoing her bra, and soon her breasts were spilling out of their tight confines.

His hands gripped her hips as she sat up. She pushed her hair over her shoulders and slowly peeled the bra from her arms, leaving him to admire her breasts in all of their tanned glory. Her eyes were heavy with desire as she stared down at him, her teeth tearing at her bottom lip. Her hands pressed into his chest as she lifted her hips and then lowered herself onto him. She released a shuddering breath once she was comfortably situated and he moaned at the sensation of finally being inside of her once again.

For several, long moments, neither of them moved, content to revel in the moment as long as they could. Yes, it had only been a few months since he'd last shared a bed with her, but it had been years since they'd been connected on any level even close to this. They hadn't shared anything like this intimacy since before she'd lost the baby, and he hadn't realized until this moment how much he'd missed it all. It wasn't just the sex he'd missed. It was the feeling he had when he was so intimately connected with her, like they were physically one person. He'd never felt as in sync with anyone as he'd felt with her, and now he finally had that back.

In some ways it all felt like a dream, but it was real. It had to be real. He didn't think he'd be able to wake up and find out that none of this had happened, that they weren't them again, and he wasn't hers. He only wanted to belong to her.

"Hey," he said when he saw tears glistening in her eyes and realized she must be feeling the same, "I'm here," he assured her. "It's real." He sat up, his face inches from hers and said, "I'm right here."

"Promise me you won't leave," she whispered.

"I'll never leave you again."

She pressed her lips softly to his, and her breath was soft against his mouth as she began to rise and fall on top of him. It was slow and sensual, unlike any other experience they'd ever shared. He allowed her control over every movement and roll of her hips.

They could take it down a different road later. Right now, he just wanted to feel connected with her, and for her to want this as much as he did. She needed to know he was in it, all the way, no matter what. So, he spent the time focusing on her and bringing her to her pinnacle release as he drew closer and closer to his. As her neck fell back, leaving it bare to him, he took the opportunity to find that sensitive spot again, sucking gently at the skin between soothing kisses.

She moaned his name when his fingers squeezed her sensitive nipples, and her nails dug into the skin of his back. Her body began to shake and her breathing grew increasingly more ragged and he knew he had her close. His mouth moved up to her jawline and soon he found her lips again, where she invited him in with a gentle nip at his bottom lip. His tongue slid across hers as his hand moved down her stomach until he had his fingers between them. Her walls clenched tightly around him when his index finger pressed into the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs.

Her uneven breaths blew against his parted lips as she rode higher and higher toward her peak. "Oh god," she groaned, "I'm so close."

"Let go, baby. I'm here."

She clenched around him and cried out in ecstasy as she finally fell over that cliff into the abyss of the orgasm that rocketed through her body. Every part of her shook as she rocked against him while she rode out those waves of pleasure, and soon he was following her over. Her name fell from his lips with a throaty groan and his arms tightened around her, keeping her pressed as close to him as possible until his vision finally cleared enough for him to see her face hovering in front of his.

Her fingers slid gently over his damp forehead, pushing the stray hairs away that had fallen during their love making. Her eyes shone with love and more contentment than he'd seen in her gaze in longer than he could remember. And when she whispered, "I love you," he released the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding.

"I love you too, more than anything."

Damon reached behind him and pulled down the covers on the bed so they could climb under, and huddle together for warmth. He wrapped her in his arms, holding her closely to him, his face pressed into her hair, inhaling its sweet scent with every breath he took.

"You know there's still something we haven't talked about," she mumbled beside him.

"I know," he whispered. He knew exactly what topic they'd avoided during their conversation.

"Was Katherine telling the truth? Do you really have an engagement ring in your nightstand?"

It would be easy to say he didn't, that he got rid of it a long time ago, but that would be a lie. There had been countless nights he'd thought about throwing it away, even gone so far as to drop it in his trash, but he could never go through with it. He always wound up digging it out and putting it right back in the drawer with her letter. He'd never allowed himself to think about why he couldn't get rid of the ring, but he hadn't.

"She was only partly wrong."

Elena turned in his arms so she could see his face when she asked, "So you got rid of it?"

"Hold on." Damon jumped out of bed and searched for his discarded jeans on the floor for a few moments before he spotted them at the foot of the bed. He reached into one of the pockets and pulled out the small piece of jewelry that had haunted him almost as much as her letter had for three years. Elena's eyes watched him in wonderment as he climbed back in bed and held it in front of her face.

"Oh my god," she gasped.

"I bought this after we had the initial miscarriage scare, when you agreed to move in with me. I had no idea when I'd propose or how I'd even get you to agree to it, but I had to have it. I haven't been able to get rid of it in over three years."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her voice was choked with heavy emotion.

"I didn't know how. I guess I was just embarrassed to. I told you I hated you, but I couldn't get rid of this ring. I was a walking contradiction." He moved it around in his fingers, looking at the jewel he'd memorized long ago.

"I couldn't get a flight out of New York immediately after the wedding. So I decided I probably needed to go home and pack some things anyway. Then, at the last minute I grabbed this. I guess I wanted you to know I was serious when I came to you. When I found you in that hotel lobby, I knew I couldn't propose like that. I had to give you time and not try and mess this up anymore."

A few stray tears slid down her cheeks. "You still want to propose to me?"

"I want you to truly want to marry me as much as I want to marry you. Whether that's five months from now or five years, I don't care. This ring is yours, and it will always be yours." He grabbed her hand and turned it so her palm faced upward. With shaky fingers, he placed the ring in her hand. "So I'm going to give this to you and ask you to give it back to me when you're ready. I'll propose when you're absolutely sure you want me to."

"Okay," she whispered with a nod of her head. "I will."

"Good." He pulled her into his arms again and slid down until they were comfortably lying down in the bed.

They stayed like that for hours, breathing as one and simply living as one. It was everything he'd missed in the past three years. He'd known there was something inside of him that was lost, and now that he had her back, he didn't know how he'd convinced himself that it was ever anything or anyone other than her that he was missing. It all seemed so clear and simple now. She was who he needed in his life. She grounded him and gave him a purpose that no one else ever had. She had all of him for as long as she wanted him.

The room had been silent for so long, he was surprised when he heard Elena's quiet voice beside him. "Damon?" She turned her head to look and see if he was still awake.

"Yeah?"

She lifted the ring, and the diamond sparkled in the moonlight coming in through the windows. "I'm ready."

He sat up abruptly, wholly unprepared for her words. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Elena sat up, pulling the sheet up around her chest and held the ring out to him. "We came on this trip to find out whether we could do this, not to just reconnect as a couple. This isn't just a getaway. It's making sure we want to be together forever. I want that," her voice caught on her words, "And I want that with you. You're right that I shouldn't care what people think, because it's not about them. I don't want to just be your girlfriend or to be with you for a few more years. I want to be with you forever, through the good and the bad. So I'm ready for you to ask me. I know it's quick, but this was never about finding out if we still loved each other, we knew that. It was about this – you and me, forever." She gently set the ring in his hand, much in the same way he'd done earlier. "Ask me."

His heart pounded loudly in his chest as he stared down at the ring and tried to convince himself that this was really happening. She wanted him to propose, right here, right now in the middle of some chain hotel in a no name city in the middle of nowhere. She was ready for everything he was ready for.

"I know we've never had a simple or ideal relationship," he started, looking at her. "We've stumbled through it all for four years, and sometimes I thought I'd never be able to look at you and not feel like you'd broken my heart. I thought it meant we weren't meant to be, and that we were best apart, but the truth is that all of the pain and anger came from the same place the good things did. It all came from the fact that we loved each other, sometimes more than we should for our own sanity, and sometimes not enough, but the love was always there. I've made a lot of mistakes and said even more things I shouldn't have. One thing I know now, it never should have taken me this long to ask this, but I'm asking it now. Marry me? I don't care when, and I don't care how. I just want you to be my wife. Will you?"

Even though he was proposing, knowing that she was going to say yes, he found that it was still equally as hard waiting for her to answer him. Her head was shaking long before she could ever breathe the words through her trembling lips.

"Yes, I'll marry you."


	43. Better Together

Epilogue

Elena sat on the beach, watching as the waves rolled into shore. The sun was just beginning to set and she was enjoying the view. She was also enjoying the quiet time. It wasn't very often anymore that she got uninterrupted moments to herself. No, those days were long gone. Her life was filled with more than she knew what to do with, but she wouldn't have it any other way. It was a great life, and it was all hers.

"Why are you being so anti-social?"

And then it was gone as quickly as it had come.

She twisted her head and smiled at her best friend coming toward her. "Just thought it was a nice time to sit on the beach."

"Boring," Caroline groaned, dropping down next to Elena in the sand. "You should be inside, that's where all the fun is. Stefan was threatening to punch Damon when I came to find you."

"I think I'll pass on that." Damon and Stefan were cooking dinner, and as always, they were fighting. She didn't know why they even tried cooking together anymore; it always turned into a war. Hence, why she was hiding safely outside.

"So I guess you and Damon are still fighting?" Caroline questioned.

"We're not fighting," she quickly corrected her friend. "We haven't had a fight in ages, you know that. We're just at a standstill on something."

Caroline was blowing things out of proportion, as usual. She and Damon weren't fighting, not even close. The days that they'd once wasted too much time yelling at each other and purposely hitting below the belt were long gone. They might bicker like crazy sometimes, but they didn't fight. And this disagreement was no different than any of the other ones. Damon was convinced of one thing, and she was convinced of something different. It was a disagreement that would have a solution, it would just take a little time. Well, according to Damon it would take her getting her head out of her ass, but she liked her usage of words much better. Age certainly hadn't changed his love of colorful language.

"What is it? I can't believe you're not telling me. Isn't that what best friends do, share everything?"

"Cause it's stupid. Damon is convinced he knows me better than I know myself." She tilted her head in Caroline's direction, a playful glint in her eyes. "What's new about that?"

Caroline blew out an agonizing sigh. "As much as it pains me to give him credit for anything, he kind of does sometimes. Can't deny it, your man is observant."

"Careful, Blondie, I might start to think you actually like me." Elena jumped at the sound of Damon's voice right behind her, and looked up to see him nearly standing over them. When did he get so stealthy?

"Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" Caroline questioned. "Gosh, Elena, I thought you taught him where his place was ages ago."

"Speaking of knowing your place, your son is up from his nap. Go be maternal or something." He waved off Caroline with an affectionate eye roll and sat down on Elena's other side.

"Whatever, I'll take my cue to go inside and let you two do whatever it is you do on the beach." Caroline jumped up and traipsed away, filled with the energy she always seemed to have.

"She thinks we're fighting?" Damon asked once she was out of earshot.

Elena sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess so."

"Are we?"

Elena rested her chin on her shoulder and gazed at Damon. "I know what our fights feel like, and this doesn't feel like a fight."

"Good, cause I hate fighting with you." Damon wrapped a loose arm around her shoulders and she easily leaned into his side, immediately relaxing against him. Even if they had been fighting, it wouldn't be anything a quiet moment with him couldn't fix.

It had been three years since they'd gone at that road trip as a last ditch effort to find out whether they really had what they thought they had. The times hadn't always been easy, but they'd been worth it. They were here now, and stronger than ever, thanks to a lot of will, determination, and sheer love. And it was the moments like these that made them really work. When they were allowed the time to simply be away from the world and everything it entailed, they thrived. Because at the bottom of it all they did love each other, and all it took were a few moments together to take a deep breath and remember that.

"How about we just drop everything for a few minutes and enjoy this sunset?" she suggested. They could bicker later tonight about who was right and who was wrong. Right now she just wanted a few short moments with her husband.

_Elena watched, a wistful smile on her face, as Damon stood with his back to her, gazing out at the sun setting over the ocean. She could see his hands were shoved into the pockets of his suit and the way his shoulders gently raised and fell with his steady breathing._

_With a final deep breath to try and calm her nerves she began to slowly walk toward him. They were in Tahiti, finally taking advantage of those tickets Caroline had given them three months ago, although the reason for this trip was far different than it had been originally. This wasn't a last ditch effort to get out of town and see if they could get past all of the pain and make the relationship work. No, they'd done that. It had been a long three months filled with a roller coaster of emotions._

_After their breakthrough on the road trip, they'd spent another week traveling around the country and hashing things out. That hadn't been the end of their long conversations though. No, they'd spent many a nights over the past three months talking through things. A lot had happened in four years, and they couldn't work through it all overnight. There were tears and some yelling during the three months, but they'd come out of it on the other side. And now they were here to celebrate that._

_Damon must have been lost in his own world, because he didn't turn around. So with a gentle touch, she ran her hands over his shoulder, giving them a soft squeeze. "Hey stranger."_

_He turned around, a smile on his face, and leaned forward to gently kiss her. His lips were light against hers before he pulled back, and took in her outfit. He ran his hands down her arms until they loosely caught her hands and he stepped away enough to get a good look at her. "You look amazing."_

_"Guess it pays to have a best friend in the fashion industry." She did a playful shimmy in her dress, enjoying the way it flowed around her. "You really like it?"_

_"It's perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn't imagine you in anything else." He quickly pressed another kiss to her lips, and she tried not to let herself get caught up in it all. They had other things they needed to do. They couldn't spend an hour making out on this beach. "Exactly how mad is my favorite sister-in-law right now?"_

_Elena laughed softly, Caroline's angry face flashing through her mind. "She says I'm crazy and tempting fate, but whatever. She can get over it. It's my wedding day. I'm calling the shots." As had been happening all day, she got butterflies in her stomach at the mention of the word wedding._

_Some might think they were rushing into marriage, but she knew that wasn't the case. They had four years of history, and granted, most of that history was time apart, but that time let them know this was what was right for them. They were meant to be together, and waiting one year or ten wouldn't change that. She loved him more than anything, and she was tired of waiting around and worrying about what was acceptable._

_The decision to get married hadn't come about on a whim, but the idea of eloping had. They'd had more than enough talks over what the plan would be to get married, and she got tired of it. She didn't want a big, elaborate wedding. Hell, Damon had done it, and it obviously hadn't worked for him. She wanted him and the people she loved. That was good enough for her. So, they decided to go with it. They booked the tickets and told everyone the night before they left, saying they could all come if they wanted to, but she and Damon were getting married either way._

_Caroline had thrown a bit of a tantrum at first, feeling she was being robbed of the chance to plan her best friend's wedding, but she'd shown up the next, a wedding gown in hand, and ready to go. Elena didn't know how she'd pulled it off, but her friend had apparently called in a favor or two to snag a gown in Elena's size. It wasn't a perfect fit, but the look of the dress worked best with it being a bit loose and flowing. It was a beach wedding after all._

_"Well then," he stepped away from her and held his arm out for her to link hers through, which she happily did, "Let's go get hitched. There's no better time than sunset, right?"_

_As they walked to the small area that had been set up for them to get married, she couldn't help but smile at how backwards they'd done it all. They'd spent the morning together, not caring about the tradition of not seeing the other on the wedding day. Then she insisted on seeing him before the ceremony, again, not caring about tradition and him seeing her in her dress. There was no traditional ceremony planned, no one walking her down the aisle, no music. It was just going to be them and their friends._

_"Look who decided_ _to finally show up to their wedding," Bonnie called once she saw them slowly coming toward the small group._

_"You should just be happy you got an invite, miss judgmental." Even though Damon's voice held no malice and he had a smile on his face, Elena still playfully smacked his arm. Though the tension had disappeared between Damon and Bonnie they still bickered constantly. She was beginning to wonder if those two would ever get along. "So, are we going to get this show on the road?"_

_Caroline and Stefan stepped to the side to make way for the minister the hotel had found for them to make his way forward. He kept the ceremony short and simple, just as they'd asked for, because she knew she her nerves wouldn't last through a long one. It just needed to be about them, and nothing else. The only downside was it was time to say her vows far too quickly, and she didn't know if her voice would hold up through the emotional words. She hadn't planned anything, just wanting to go with whatever she decided was right at the time, but now it was here, and she didn't know if she'd do it justice at all._

_"Oh god," sh_e _whispered, squeezing Damon's hands softly. "I really should have written something down." He laughed quietly, but didn't say anything and she knew that she was just going to have to go for it. "I wish I could stand here and find a way to actually put into words everything I feel for you, but I don't think the words exist. I never knew I could feel it was possible to love anyone the way that I love you. And I know we've gone through our fair share of trials and tribulations, but they've all been worth it. Even the days when I thought we'd never find a way to be in the same room together, let alone find our way back to each other, they were worth it. Without those times, I don't think we'd be here right now, not like this, and not this strong. I love you more than I could ever explain, but I know I'll spend my life trying to show it to you. I'm not the scared girl anymore who doesn't know what I want. I know who I am now, and I know I want you – all of you, forever, through whatever the universe throws our way. I'm yours. I always have been, and I always will be."_

_Despite her best efforts, her face was damp with tears, and she was struggling to breathe enough to get her voice out at the end. It had been a long road to this point, one she thought didn't even exist at times. They'd lost so much and been through even more in the past four years, so to finally be standing in front of him, saying her vows, and holding his hands in hers all felt surreal. If she was dreaming, she just hoped no one would ever wake her up. Because as she saw the tears shining in his eyes, she knew nothing could top this._

_"You did good," he said, his voice husky with emotion as he reached up to wipe the tears from her face. "Guess it's my turn now. Don't think I can top that, but I can try." She smiled as he rolled his eyes and tried to shake off the emotions he was feeling. Even during their wedding, he was still the same, uncomfortable with showing the deep river of emotions that ran beneath the surface. "When I was first getting to know you, I really thought we could make the whole casual thing work. I'd absolutely convinced myself that we could have fun and then move on, no problem. I'd go back to dating and then you'd go find the perfect corporate guy, and build that white picket fence life. Then, one day I woke up and that was all just shot to hell." He had the awareness to look slightly embarrassed at his use of poor language in his vows, but continued on nonetheless. "You came in and turned my life into everything I said I never wanted, and somehow it's become everything I want. I love you, and I want you. It's you and me, in this together, for life. No matter what happens, I'm going to be by your side. It's not going to always be easy, but I'm always going to be here. You will never have to spend another moment thinking I'll leave. The only places I'm going are with you."_

"Still alive in there?" Damon asked after several long minutes of silence.

"Yeah," she whispered, "Just thinking."

"All good things, I hope."

"The best." She smiled and lifted her head from his shoulder so she could see him. "I was remembering our wedding."

"It was a pretty good one, wasn't it?"

"I think so, but I also think I'm a little biased." Their wedding was one of the best days of her life. As last minute as it had been, it had been absolutely perfect. To this day, she couldn't imagine ever having any other wedding than the one they'd had. The aftermath might have been a little rough, but it didn't tarnish their day. And every time she saw the sun setting over the ocean, she found herself remembering it with a smile.

"It was better than some stuffy wedding at the Four Seasons, but shh, don't tell Caroline I said that."

Elena laughed with Damon and softly hit him on the leg. "Don't knock it, mister. I realized I was falling in love with you at that wedding."

Damon looked at her, a surprised smile on his face. "You never told me that."

She tried to think back on any of their conversations about the early times in their relationship and she realized he was right. It hadn't exactly been a happy revelation at the time. She was scared of what might happen if he ever realized she'd really fallen for him and he still wanted things to be casual. Looking back now though it was easy to find a little humor in the situation. So many of their problems would have been solved so much sooner if they'd simply learned to communicate instead of being scared to voice their feelings.

It had been a rough lesson to learn when they first got back together. They were stubborn and still a little scared of things going wrong again. Only time and long talks rebuilt that trust, and with the trust came the ability to share things they otherwise might not have before. It was foreign and uncomfortable at first, but after three years back together and almost as much time married, it was as easy as breathing now. She couldn't imagine going back to what they'd had before. This was how they were meant to be.

"I was scared at first, and then I guess I just never really thought about it after that. It's one of those memories that's gotten lost in the masses." She nudged his shoulder with hers. "So, when did you realize you were falling in love with me?"

He took a moment to look out at the calm ocean, his cerulean eyes swimming with memories. "The night we found out you were pregnant. I was taking you back to your apartment after you got sick in the bar, and I realized that somehow this no-strings-attached idea I'd thrown out had come back to bite me in the ass."

Elena's mind quickly flashed back to that night in the taxi. She'd spent the entire ride back to her apartment scared of how she would actually tell him she was pregnant, and whether he'd walk out on her or not. To say she had been surprised by how he accepted the news would be an understatement. She'd never imagined that he would accept it all so willingly, but it had. That should have been the first real clue that there was far more to Damon Salvatore than she'd ever even realized.

She also couldn't help but remember seeing the positive pregnancy test for the first time, and the crippling fear she'd felt. For a long time, when she thought of that moment, her chest would painfully constrict and she'd feel an almost unbearable pain. It happened any time she remembered anything about that pregnancy. Sometimes she'd wondered if the pain would ever go away. With time it had faded, and now she could think back on those times and not feel the agony she once had. She'd never understand why things had to happen that way in her life, but she knew now that they'd happened that way for a reason.

She and Damon were supposed to go through everything they did to be able to come together stronger and better than ever. The couple they were back then never would have grown into this. They would have settled into those poor routines until they fell apart in some other way.

"Sometimes I find it hard to believe we're the same people from back then. I feel like that's a different person."

"The Elena and Damon then didn't know what we know now. I'm never going to forget the hopes and dreams I'd had when you were pregnant then, but I can't imagine our life being any different than how it is now."

"We had to lose it all to really appreciate what we have now."

"Exactly," he agreed with her. "I also feel I should point out about that night that it could have been worse. I could have been drunk. Who knows how that would have ended?"

"I don't know," she smiled, "It might have been interesting."

_Elena was curled up under the safety of all the blankets on her bed, her arms hugging her lumpy pillow to her head. She was sleeping comfortably, enjoying a nice dream about the beach and dirty sex in the sand, when she suddenly found she wasn't dreaming anymore. It took her a moment to realize, but it soon became apparent that her real life Damon, not the dream version, had climbed into bed and was running his hands over her body through the mountain of covers._

_She felt him press his mouth to her cheek and her nasal cavity was immediately overwhelmed with the stench of whiskey, cigars, and cheap perfume. "God, you reek," she groaned, bringing the back of her hand up to her nose to try and block some of the smell._

_He moaned into her neck and she could feel his smile against her skin. "You smell good."_

_She was fully awake now and turned over to look up at him. His eyes were half closed and he wore a dopey grin on his face. "Are you drunk?" It's a sight she rarely saw anymore._

_"Maybe a little," he murmured against her skin. His kisses were sloppier than normal and he wasn't quite as attentive as he typically was. Drunk sex was fun when she was drunk, but it wasn't quite as fun when she was completely sober, which she was quickly finding out as he continued to try and practically mount her._

_Normally she'd be enjoying this, but all she could think about was how she was going to get this stench out of their comforter. "God, how many sluts wearing cheap perfume did you let crawl all over you tonight?" she couldn't help but ask. She wasn't going to yell at him. She was the cool wife, the fun wife. She would not get mad at her husband for having fun at Alaric's bachelor party. It was what guys did. They went to strip clubs, even though she suspected they really didn't even enjoy it very much. It was just a tradition she thought they figured they needed to uphold, and the added bonus of embarrassing the groom with a strip tease didn't hurt either._

_"Just one." His words were a little slurred as he moved further down her body, pushing the covers down to her waist. He struggled more than normal, having trouble lifting his body and pushing the covers away at the same time was proving difficult. "The boys made me do it."_

_"Well, I hope you tipped her well enough so she can go out and buy some better smelling perfume tomorrow." She patted his head softly before gently pushing him off of her. He tried to protest, but she was more coordinated than him in this moment, and she squirmed her way from beneath his body. "You need to take off those clothes, I can't breathe with you on top of me smelling like that. I'm going to vomit."_

_He sent her a lecherous smile and began pulling at the hem of his shirt. "Whatever you say."_

_Due to his poor aim and coordination the shirt ended up covering her face when he tried to throw it to the floor. The moment she was fully assaulted with the array of smells her stomach turned and she knew she was going to lose it. "Oh god," she groaned, "I'm really going to vomit." She threw everything from her body and ran into the bathroom, praying she would make it to the toilet before she lost the contents of her stomach._

_The moment her knees hit the tiled floor, she lost her battle and threw up in the toilet, heaving out every last bit in her stomach. This was not the way this night was supposed to go. Damon was not supposed to stay out until the wee hours of the morning. She was not supposed to be asleep when he came home. And he was not supposed to smell so horrid that she couldn't keep from throwing up. It wasn't fair._

_"Baby?" Damon's voice was soft and worried as he pressed a gentle hand to her hair and pulled it away from her face. "What's wrong?"_

_"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "The smell was just really overwhelming."_

_"I'm sorry I made you throw up," he mumbled, and she couldn't help but chuckle as she fell away from the toilet after she flushed it. "I have literally repulsed you. That's depressing."_

_"It's not your fault." At least it wasn't his fault in the way that he thought._

_"I thought I was supposed to be the one throwing up in this equation."_

_"Guess we're just that in sync with each other."_

_"Why don't you get cleaned up and go to bed? Then, I'll shower so I don't cause a repeat of this when I come to bed."_

_Elena slowly nodded and moved to her feet so she could quickly brush her teeth. As she swirled her brush around in her mouth she stared down at the counter and sighed. Her plans would simply have to wait for tomorrow._

_"Don't flood our bathroom in your drunken stupor."_

_He looked over his shoulder and winked. "I make no promises."_

_"You're impossible," she grumbled good-naturedly._

_She padded softly to the bed and threw herself into it, trying not to think of how she'd wanted tonight to go. She hadn't exactly set out on this day thinking things would unfold as they had, but they did. There were signs she simply couldn't ignore anymore, and she needed to know the truth. She just hadn't expected Damon would come home so drunk!_

_Tonight had been Alaric's bachelor party and she'd naively thought that they would honor his desire to have no strippers. Though the man loved to drink, he wasn't into the whole strip club scene. Apparently, Damon had been serious when he'd said he wasn't going to listen to his best friend, because Alaric hadn't listened to him when he married Katherine. Man, could her husband hold a grudge. His bachelor party had been ages ago. When she and Damon got married, they hadn't even had time for any of that._

_In a shocking move to all of their friends, they'd taken that walk down the aisle a short three months after they returned from their road trip. They took the tickets Caroline had given them and run off to Tahiti, all but throwing plane tickets at their friends and telling them to come along. It was a small ceremony on the beach, but it was all they had needed. He'd done the big, elaborate wedding – one and a half times – and she simply didn't want it. So they eloped, and it had been a decision she hadn't regretted since._

_Granted, they were still less than a year into their marriage, but given their track record, it was progress._

_"What is this?"_

_Elena quickly rolled over to see Damon holding a small object in his hand, a dumbfounded expression on his face. "You saw it?" She was sure he'd be too drunk to even notice it._

_"I'm drunk, not blind." With slow, focused steps, he walked toward her. "What is this? Is it real?" She nervously bit her lip and nodded her head. "Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah," she choked out, "I took four."_

_"You're pregnant?"_

_"It seems so." After nine months of being married, they'd decided to go for it and try to have a baby. The decision had come after many long talks, and they thought they might as well give it a shot. It was a scary move, but they knew they were ready. It had been a year now since they got back together, and they'd worked through all of their big issues, especially left over wounds from the miscarriage._

_That had barely been two months ago. So when she realized she was late, she was certain that it couldn't mean what she thought. It was too soon. For over a week she'd told herself to calm down, she'd been late before and it could simply be the same this time. She did everything she could to convince herself she wasn't pregnant, but the signs were there, and she could only ignore them for so long._

_So she bought a box of tests in the afternoon, planning to take them while Damon was out. If they came back negative she wouldn't have gotten his hopes up and she could try to get herself over it before he came home. But then one after the other, they came back positive and she realized that she was right. She was pregnant, just like they'd wanted. She'd thought it would be cute to leave a test on the counter in the bathroom for him to see when he was getting ready for bed, but then he came home drunk, and she thought her plans were out the window._

_"Oh my god." A wide smile spread over his face. "Holy shit!" Elena couldn't help but laugh as she watched the news sink in, and somehow the fact that he was drunk made it even more hilarious. His thinking process was slower than normal and he was swaying on his feet as he pieced it all together in his head. "We're having a baby!"_

_"We're having a baby," she repeated giddily._

_"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his words slurring slightly, only adding to the humor of the situation. They just couldn't find out they were having a baby like normal people, could they? The first time she blurted out that she was pregnant in the middle of the night, and then cried in the bathroom for ages after she took the test. This time, her husband was drunk out of his mind. Classy._

_"You're wasted!"_

_"I celebrated early!" he declared, rushing toward the bed, his arms outstretched to her. He swept her up in his arms, letting out an ecstatic laugh as he did. "We did it! My boys can swim!"_

_"Damon," she squealed, holding tightly to him as he tried to swing her around. "You are so drunk!"_

_"I'm happy. We're having a baby!" He suddenly stumbled on his own feet and they went tumbling to the ground, laughing as they fell. "Oh shit," he gasped, once he realized what had happened, rolling on top of her to try and inspect her for any harm done. "Are you okay? Did I hurt the baby?"_

_"I don't think that's possible," she giggled, too amused by the childish look of fear on his face to be worried about anything. "I think you probably hurt yourself though." She gently ran her fingers over his forehead. "You're going to be in pain tomorrow."_

_"I'll survive," he whispered. His eyes flooded with amazement and love, and she felt her stomach flutter as she looked up at him. "You're really pregnant?"_

_"I think so."_

_He bent down and pressed a slow, yet still slightly sloppy kiss to her mouth before he murmured, "God, I love you."_

_Her fingers twisted in his hair and she stared up into his blue eyes, trying to imagine a little boy or girl with the same eyes. "We love you too."_

"I still can't believe you let me find out you were pregnant when I was drunk." Damon's memories of that night weren't totally clear, but he could still vividly remember looking down at the counter and seeing a positive pregnancy test staring up at him. It had taken five minutes for him to really believe what he was seeing in front of him and to go ask Elena if it as true.

They'd barely even started trying before she wound up pregnant, and it had been the shock of the century. He'd never thought it would happen that quickly, but it had.

Elena giggled, probably still thinking of it all. "I can't believe you even remember that night. You could barely stand."

Sometimes he was surprised he even remembered that night. To this day, no one knew how much he'd had to drink that night. He'd been dragged to a strip club against his will and drank accordingly. At 20 years old the idea of a strip club was great, but by the time Alaric got married he had moved on from all of that. Why would he pay to go see some woman take off her clothes when his smoking hot wife would do it for free, and he actually got sex out of the deal?

"Daddy!" Damon and Elena both turned at the sound of a high-pitched squeal.

The sound was like music to his ears and Damon was on his feet in an instant. His brother was coming down to the beach, holding his little bundle of energy. "Is someone up from her nap?"

"Daddy!" She giggled and tried to squirm out of her uncle's arms, which he happily obliged once they were on the sand. She wobbled toward him, not quite used to running on the sand.

At two years old, she was certainly the best thing that had ever happened to him. With the innocent doe eyes of her mother's, and the spitfire personality of her father's, she was all them. Somehow he and Elena had created this perfect little storm of a human being that was so uniquely herself and identical to them all at the same time. It was amazing.

"Come here, munchkin." He swept her up into his arms and she squealed in delight. "Did you have a good nap?" he asked as he settled her on his hip. She pressed her tiny hands to his face, effectively making sure she had all of his attention, and began to babble away. He nodded along, pretending that he understood everything, a trick he'd learned long ago. He could make out a few words here and there, but at barely two years old she still had a tendency to fall into gibberish.

Elena was smiling warmly up at them as he approached her. Every time he was around her and their daughter at the same time he could feel the overwhelming love flowing from her. Where there was once a girl who tried to mask and bury all the pain she felt inside of her, there was now a woman who was filled with joy and life. Having their daughter had changed her in the most amazing way possible. He truly believed that the moment she heard their daughter cry for the first time had healed something in her, and it was a gorgeous thing to see.

"I see someone didn't take a very long nap," she teased, reaching out to tickle their daughter's stomach as he sat down. "Did Sawyer wake you up again?" It was always one of the downfalls of the cousins staying in the same house. Without fail, every time, one would wake up the other to play. He knew he'd have a very grumpy toddler on his hands later on. Bright side, she'd probably go to bed early. That was always a fun bonus.

"You want to play?" Damon asked her. "I think some of your toys are still out here from earlier." He looked around and spotted a pile of beach toys that they'd left on the beach earlier in the day, knowing they'd probably need them later. "Go burn energy." He set her on her feet and watched her rush off toward the toys.

"I can't believe she's already two," Elena mused, keeping a watchful eye on their daughter. "I feel like she doesn't need us at all anymore."

Damon wrapped his arm around Elena again, pulling her close. "She is quite an independent little girl."

"Speaking of," she noted before she called out, "Charlotte, you don't go into the water, okay?" Their daughter turned annoyed eyes on them and he tried to keep from laughing. For a toddler, she had quite an attitude.

"Momma," she sighed, "I pway." With a roll of her eyes she turned back around and bent down to the water to let it run over her hands when new waves rolled in, giggling when they came.

Despite his best efforts, he lost his ability to hold in his laughter and it came tumbling from his mouth. How did a toddler have the ability to speak in such a condescending voice? It was hilarious. If she was 10, sure, it would be a problem, but at 2, it was the best thing he'd ever seen.

"Damon," Elena hissed, "You're encouraging her."

"Did you see the side eye she just gave us?" he asked. "It was golden."

"Where did she even learn to roll her eyes?"

"I don't know, it's not like she ever sees her mom rolling her eyes at her father. She must have picked it up from Caroline."

"Smartass," she grumbled, but he caught the hint of a smile on her lips. "We are going to be in so much trouble when she's a teenager."

"When she's a teenager? Try next year when she's really found her words and we have another one. That's trouble."

"Oh, would you stop it?" she groaned. "I'm not pregnant."

They'd been having the same tiff for the past week. He was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was pregnant. His wife however, was not convinced. In her mind, even if she had missed her period, it had happened multiple times since she had Charlotte. It was a song and dance they'd done more than once in the past two years, and every time the test had been negative, but he knew this was different. Elena was a woman who had tells when she was pregnant, the same signs every time, and they were completely present now. He just had to get her to recognize them.

"Really?" Damon smirked, sensually sliding his and up her side until he felt the underside of her breast. The moment his hand moved an inch higher and he applied the slightest bit of pressure she tensed and pulled away. The smirk was still present on his face as he pointed at her breasts. "Pregnant."

"You've said that a dozen times in the past two years," she argued, just as stubborn as ever.

"What can I say? I wouldn't mind having another one." He glanced toward the water to see Charlotte running along the edge, splashing and kicking with glee. "Come on, how can you not want more of that?"

"We did make a pretty cute kid," she conceded. "Remember when we could just hold her for hours? Now we try to hold her for more than a minute and she's trying to break free."

"So you'll take a pregnancy test?"

Charlotte's fearful cry quickly pulled them from their talk of babies and pregnancy tests. She had fallen and it looked like she got sand in her face. Elena jumped to her feet and rushed forward to help her. "Come here, baby girl." She sat Charlotte up and tried to wipe at her face and calm her down. "Do your eyes hurt?"

"Mommy," she cried, holding her arms up to be held. Like every other little girl, she just wanted her mommy when she was hurt, and Damon could only watch on with a smile. Moments like that were why he wanted another one. He loved watching Elena with their child, seeing how totally in love with her she was.

"I know, sweetie," Elena cooed softly as she lifted Charlotte into her arms. "Sand isn't fun." She sat down next to Damon and cuddled their daughter to her chest. "It's okay."

"Think you'll live?" he asked her, reaching out to run a soothing hand down her back.

"No," she whimpered, burrowing her head further into Elena's chest.

"Yes, you will." Elena softly kissed the top of her head of dark brown hair.

Damon could only sit back and watch as Elena slowly rocked their daughter and tried to calm her down enough to play again. It was amazing watching her as a mother. From the moment Charlotte had been born it had all come so natural. Everything she did was for that child, and he felt blessed to be able to witness it. Though Charlotte was the epitome of a daddy's girl, she still adored her mother, especially at times like these, and Elena always excelled at them. She knew just the right things to do and say to stop the tears. And if Charlotte couldn't sleep, all it took was for Elena to curl up with her to knock her out.

He loved watching them sleep, and the older Charlotte grew, the more infrequent it became. She was an independent girl, who wanted to do everything on her own. He missed the times when he would come home and find them asleep on the couch, Charlotte resting on Elena's chest. Now it felt hard to believe she had ever been so small, and now that she was two and growing up so fast, it felt like the right time to have another. It wasn't exactly like they hadn't talked about it before.

_"It's a girl!"_

_Damon watched as Elena collapsed back into the stiff hospital pillows, her hair stuck to her forehead with sweat, and her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. He was tempted to tell her she'd done it, but then he heard the piercing wail come from the tiny baby the doctor held up, and everything ceased to exist. His eyes found the small child, her face red, and her mouth open wide as she emitted another loud cry. His world stopped._

_He was captivated as the doctor gently placed the baby on Elena's chest and he felt like everything in his life suddenly came together. The little girl they'd wanted so much was finally here. He didn't try to blink away the tears that flooded his eyes, too focused on the tiny child his wife was holding to even care what kind of fool he must look like. She'd done it. Elena had done it. They had a baby._

_"Oh my god, you did it," Damon cried, pressing gentle kisses against her damp face. "She's really here."_

_"She's perfect," Elena whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her small head. She turned tearful eyes on him. "Damon, we made her, and she's absolutely perfect."_

_"Of course she is." He ran a hand down their daughter's back, and he could feel it shaking as it went. She was real, totally and completely real. He could feel her small chest rising and falling with each breath she took, and her skin was warm to the touch. He kept touching her, wanting to feel every small part of her, making sure she was really here and that she wasn't going anywhere._

_Everything they'd gone through, every agonizing moment didn't matter anymore. Because as he looked down at his child, he knew it all brought her to him. This was their daughter, and she was meant to be. He could feel it in his bones._

_"Okay, Elena, we have to get her cleaned up and get all of her measurements and then we'll bring her back. Sound good?" A nurse gingerly took the newborn from her arms and Damon's head shot up, ready to tell her to back the hell away from his daughter, but when Elena's loving hand pressed into his arm, he reluctantly held it in._

_"Don't drop her," he warned._

_Elena laughed softly below him, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his arm. "I think they know what they're doing." She sighed and he could see the emotion overtake her again. "I can't believe she's really here," she whispered. "She's actually real, and she's ours."_

_He bent down and pressed a whisper of a kiss over her lips. "All ours." They'd really done it. They had everything they had ever wanted, and it all felt so surreal._

_"Damon," a nurse called out to him, "Would you like to come cut the cord?"_

_He looked nervously at Elena, but she smiled encouragingly. "Go get our girl and bring her back to me, quickly please."_

_He walked over to the team of people surrounding his daughter and followed the instructions on where and how to cut the stupid cord Elena had insisted he should, but he was really ready to just hold his daughter. He'd spent so long waiting for her to be here, now he wanted to hold her and meet her._

_When they finally placed her in his arms he was completely consumed by her. She was wrapped tightly in a light yellow blanket, and her eyes were beginning to fall shut, but for a few short moments, they fluttered open and locked right on his. They were a blue unlike he'd ever seen before and he found himself completely sucked into them. "Hi, baby girl," he whispered, brushing his free hand over the soft tufts of brown hair atop her head. "Your mom and I waited a long time for you." She gurgled softly and then he watched in awe as her tiny mouth opened to release a deep yawn._

_She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life, and as he walked back to Elena he couldn't help but watch every little move she made in his arms. Her cries that she'd bellowed out so loudly just a few minutes earlier were now silent, and she squirmed as if she was getting comfortable in his arms, to rest there forever. She was perfect, and she was his. It was somehow impossible to believe and the most natural feeling in the word all at the same time._

_He managed to tear his eyes away from his daughter once he got to Elena's bed, and he met her tear-filled gaze. "I love you," she choked out, holding her hand out to touch him. "Watching you with her is so much more amazing than anything I ever dreamed of."_

_"I love you so much." He kissed her lips for what felt like the hundredth time since their daughter was born, but he couldn't help it. Somehow he felt even more connected to her now than ever before. Seeing her in labor for fifteen long hours, and finally watching her bring their daughter into this world made him feel like they were stronger than ever. No matter what happened in this world from here on out, nothing would change the fact that they'd made tiny baby in his arms, and it was amazing._

_"Don't go tell anyone yet that she's here. I just want to be with you and her for a bit, okay?" Elena asked._

_"Eh, they can wait. This isn't about them." He knew everyone was out in the waiting room probably dying to hear that Elena had had the baby, but there would be time for that later. It had been more than twelve hours of labor, what would another hour be?_

_He tried to be patient as waited for all of the staff to leave and finally give him a few moments alone with his wife and child, ready to be able to curl up in the hospital bed with her and stare at their child for as long as they wanted, no interruptions. He'd paid for the most elaborate suite at the hospital, you'd think that would also involve the staff getting the heck out of the room._

_"So, you think the name we picked out fits her?" Elena questioned after several long, silent minutes spent watching their daughter try to fall asleep._

_"I think it's perfect, don't you?" It had been a battle of the wills to find a name they both liked for their daughter, not quite on the level of Stefan and Caroline, but a battle nonetheless. They'd only chosen one a few weeks ago, but both had been worried it wouldn't fit her once she was here, but as he looked at her now, it just felt right. That was her name. He'd made fun of Stefan and Caroline mercilessly when they claimed the same thing about Sawyer, saying a baby's name could be whatever, it didn't matter, but he knew how wrong he was now. Everything about her was perfect for that name._

_"Yeah," she agreed with a smile, rubbing a finger over her daughter's chubby cheek, "Charlotte Elisabetta Salvatore, it's perfect." His eyes shot up to Elena's, surprise covering his face. "I know we didn't discuss a middle name, but I think it would be nice to give her your mom's name."_

_"What about your mom?" he asked. Both of their moms had passed, they couldn't just leave her out._

_"Guess that just means we'll need to have another girl. Think you can handle that?" she teased._

_He looked back down at his newborn daughter and tried to envision doing this all over again. "I think I could be talked into it."_

"Don't think I've forgotten that you never answered my question earlier." Damon dropped down next to Elena on the couch after dinner, taking advantage of the rare moment where everyone was occupied and he might actually have a chance to get an answer out of her.

"What question?" she asked, not even looking up from her computer on her lap.

"Whether or not you'll take a pregnancy test." He pressed his hand on the back of her laptop, slowly closing it until he had her full attention.

Elena took her laptop and moved it to the coffee table so she could slide closer to him. "Why are you determined about this? You've never been this sure before."

"I don't know," he admitted, knowing there was no way he'd really be able to explain it that she wouldn't immediately write off and excuse away. "It's like I can feel it. This is different; I know it. Why are you so determined that you're not? This isn't something we've never talked about before. We've talked about it dozens of times."

"It's different when you talk about it than when it's possibly real. We were more than ready for Charlotte, but we did have a few meltdowns during my pregnancy."

"One, we didn't even know what we were going into. We'd never had a baby. Two, look how well it turned out. We have the best little girl on the planet."

"Of course we do," she readily agreed. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Then what's the issue here?"

He wasn't stupid; he knew his wife. Like he'd told her, they'd discussed having another baby multiple times. Ever since they had Charlotte, they'd basically thrown out any attempt at trying to keep from having another one. They weren't trying to have one, but if she forgot a pill occasionally, it wasn't the end of the world. All of their conversations had always ended on the same note. They wanted another child, and whenever it happened, it happened. So what was going through her head that he wasn't catching onto yet?

"There isn't one, I swear."

"Hey," he reached out to grab her hand in his, and gave it a soft squeeze, "Talk to me."

Elena bit her lip and glanced away from his probing gaze. He could see the emotions filtering over her face. "I'm nervous," she finally admitted softly, sliding her gaze back to his. "I really want it to be positive." Her voice was quiet and hopeful as she revealed to him what had kept her so against his insistence that she was pregnant. "Charlotte's grown up so much in the past year and I kind of miss her being a baby. Some days I wish I could just freeze her like this forever. The look on her face when she learns something new, and the simple joy she finds out of everything is the most amazing thing to watch, but she's also getting so independent. She barely wants me to even hold her. Today was the first time in a week that she wanted me to hold her for more than five minutes. I miss that."

Damon knew all too well what his wife was talking about. Though their daughter was still a baby, she felt so much bigger than that too. It seemed like with every day that passed, the less she needed them, and that hurt sometimes. He could still remember being able to hold her for hours as she slept, and when she'd cry when he or Elena left. Now, it seemed as if she could care less most of the time. It sucked.

"Maybe we could stop giving her vegetables," he offered.

He was grateful at the laugh that poured from Elena. "I wish it were that simple."

He grabbed her arms and tugged her into his lap before letting his hands rise to her face. "Maybe it can be. If that test is positive, that means we get to have another baby, and more time to have some of those moments we miss. And if it's negative, then we get serious about this. We start trying for another one. Let's do this."

She sighed and began to slowly nod her head. "You're never going to let me live this down, especially if you're, but I do think you might be. It's like how I felt with Charlotte and the first pregnancy. It's not just my breasts. I might have thrown up yesterday while you were feeding Charlotte breakfast. So, yes, I'll take a test, and if we're not right about this, then we'll start trying."

"Really?" he questioned, looking anxious and excited. "You'll take one?"

"Yeah, we'll go into town tomorrow and get one so we can find out for sure."

"How about you take one tonight?"

"I don't have one to take, as I just pointed out."

"About that," he began slowly, "You haven't been as stealthy about this whole thing as you think. I've noticed you haven't been going for the coffee, and how I haven't been treated to your wonderful PMS personality for a while. I also might have known you threw up too. So, I bought some tests yesterday."

Her eyes widened at his words. "You're out of your mind, you know that?"

Yeah, he was well aware of that. He'd really known that for years, pretty much since he met her. Because that was what she did to him. She took the rationality out of his thoughts. When she was involved, he ran on feelings. It hadn't worked out well for them in the beginning, but with time and effort he learned how to properly harness that insanity into something healthier. Didn't mean he didn't still cross the line from time to time, but he tried. Hopefully she would see it that way for this instance. He had a good reason, after all.

"I love our daughter. Is it really so crazy that I want us to have another baby?"

"Ugh, again?" Elena, with her mouth open and poised with a retort on her tongue, looked over, as did he at the sound of Caroline's disdainful voice. "You two are like a pair of horny teenagers." Stefan came up behind her, chuckling at his wife's disgust.

"Hey, Salvatores of the blonde persuasion, pot meet kettle. You two are as horrible as you were when you first started dating."

"At least dad doesn't have to tell us to break it up," Stefan taunted.

"Rawr!" Damon was poised and ready to snap back at his brother when he heard his daughter growl loudly and her little feet running into the living room.

She ran circles around Stefan and then the coffee table for a few minutes before Damon reached down and caught her on one of her attempts to run past him. "And where do you think you're going?" He held her up so she and Elena could thoroughly inspect her chocolate covered face. "What did you get into?"

"Yummy," she told him with a wide smile.

"She said she was hungry." Giuseppe appeared behind Stefan, wiping his hands on a towel, Sawyer trailing behind him, still licking on his ice cream cone.

"Thanks for asking, dad," he said. "Not like we wouldn't have wanted her to have ice cream this late."

"Oh hush, I'm their grandfather. This is what I'm supposed to do."

"It's fine, Giuseppe," Elena insisted. "Your son is just being a pain. She'll run off the sugar in five minutes."

"Thanks for the support, _wife_."

She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Stop."

"So, Elena how is your book coming along?" Giuseppe asked warmly, coming to sit on the chair between the couches while Caroline and Stefan sat down together on the opposite couch.

While Damon might have once tensed up at his father asking anything about Elena, or even being in the same room with him, things had shifted in the past two years. The dynamic in the family had drastically changed since Charlotte was born, most notably where it involved his father. She was the first girl in the Salvatore family since his mother died, and she had completely changed the family dynamic in every way possible. Now, nights like this weren't all that uncommon. Somewhere along the way, it had become normal for his entire family to gather together to talk, and they actually enjoyed it.

It had taken time, of course. His father hadn't been pleased at all when Damon and Elena came back from their road trip engaged, and he'd been furious when they eloped just a few months later. The first year and a half of his marriage to Elena made for very tense family moments, but the instant his father saw Charlotte; he saw something change in him. There was something about her that had healed a part of his heart that had been broken ever since his wife died. It was hard for Damon to trust at first, still nervous that he'd wake up one day and his father would be against all of his life choices yet again, but he really came around.

Within weeks of Charlotte's birth he'd come over and apologized to both Damon and Elena for the way he'd behaved throughout the times they were together and even the times they weren't. And he'd never gone back on any of it. Since that day, his father had never spoken another negative word about Elena ever again. His daughter had healed their family in a way she would probably never realize.

"It's going well," Elena answered Giuseppe. "I'm a little nervous that it won't do as well as my first one, but fingers crossed! My publishers like what I've sent them so far."

A week before Charlotte had been born, Elena had been signed by a publishing company to release her novel, and it had been an overwhelming success. Though it was a novel aimed toward women, he had read every word of it, determined to support her in every way he could. There was also a slight curiosity factor behind it. The book was not about them, but he knew she'd written a majority of it during their time apart and that there were hints of them in the main couple of the story. It had been a part of her way of dealing with things at the time, and he wanted to see things from inside her head.

No one else would ever be able to pick up on what details were about them, but he knew her well enough to know when he was reading heartbreak straight from her and when it was from the character. It had been hard to read some parts, to really be faced with the thoughts that had gone through her head during those times, but he was grateful he had. It helped him understand her on a far deeper level, and appreciate how far they'd come even more. He was also a proud husband. She was a damn good writer, and he made sure she knew that.

"It will be great, another New York Times bestseller. Just you wait." She blushed, just as she did every time he complimented her on something, and he smiled at the site. God, she was beautiful. "I'm serious, she's not giving herself enough credit. After they read the first chapters she sent them, they gave her a bonus. It's amazing, dad. Maybe even better than her first novel."

"Damon's right," Caroline agreed. "I know you don't let anyone but him read your work before it's finished, but I've loved everything you've told me about it so far. It sounds great."

"Guys stop, you know I hate when you do this stuff."

"I'm a proud husband, sue me."

He knew she was modest and that she hated when he complimented her like this, but he couldn't help it. She was a good writer, and it had taken her a long time to get to the point where she felt confident about her writing to attempt to get anything published. She took a big leap of faith when she asked one of her former coworkers to read her manuscript. And even after it was picked up by her old company, she still had doubts it would be a massive failure. He didn't think he'd ever forget the day she came home and told him she'd made the New York Times Best Sellers list.

Damon had Charlotte propped up on his legs, staring into her bright blue eyes that were a reflection of his own. They'd been there for over an hour now, him trying over and over again to say her first word. She had been getting so close for weeks now, and he knew that it was only a matter of time, but he wanted his name to be her first word. Now he just had to make it happen.

_"Dada," he cooed, an overly fake smile on his face as he tried to get her to smile and pay attention to him. "Come on, you can say it – Dada." She only gurgled some gibberish in response and he sighed. "I can't let you say Momma first, Elena will never let me forget it. You have to say my name first. Please? I'll buy you another toy. How about that really big, stuffed Dumbo at the mall? You love Dumbo!" She smiled and clapped her hands, making him laugh in response. "That's my girl. Now you just have to say it – Dada."_

_Just like every other time before, she continued to talk in gibberish, probably telling him in some baby language that he looked like a colossal idiot. If some of his coworkers could see him now. He'd never be able to walk into work ever again. He was Damon Salvatore, the cocky bastard that no one wanted to piss off. Yet, here he was, curled up on the couch with his daughter, resorting to baby talk and attempts at bribery to get her to say his name first. He'd officially come over to the dark side._

_Was this what had become of his life? Hell yeah it had, and he loved every moment of it. So maybe he did look stupid. And maybe he did spend most of his nights watching Disney movies now instead of scoping out girls in his favorite bars. He was in love with the two best girls in the world now. He didn't need to look cool or hip. He just needed his daughter to say his damn name!_

_"Damon?" Elena called out as he heard the front door slam._

_He looked over his shoulder so he could see her when she came around the corner. "Yeah, I'm in here." When she came into the room, he immediately noticed the dazed look on her face and the flush of her cheeks. "Something wrong?" he asked, moving to get up so he could get closer to her._

_She had gone out with Bonnie for lunch to talk about Bonnie's upcoming wedding. After what felt like ten years, the girl was finally taking the plunge with her boyfriend, and Caroline and Elena were both trying to help her plan the wedding. Well, Caroline was trying to control it, but same thing really. Point was, nothing that out of the ordinary should have happened._

_"I got a call from Stacey." His ears perked up at the mention of the editor of the novel she'd released a few months before. It wasn't out of the normal for Stacey to call her, they were friends, but if his wife looked like this, he knew it must be about the book._

_"What did she say? Is it something bad?" He adjusted Charlotte in his arms so he could actually touch Elena and feel her skin beneath his, a move he knew comforted him and her both._

_"Damon," she swallowed deeply, and he could tell she was trying to figure out how to say what she was trying to say, "I made the Times' Bestsellers."_

_"Like the New York Times?" he asked, his eyes wide. If she was saying what he thought she was saying, it was huge. He knew it had been one of her dreams since the moment she decided she wanted to write. So, for her to have actually accomplished that would mean the world to her, and he wanted that for her._

_"Yeah," she choked out. "Like the New York Times."_

_"Oh my god!" he shouted, instantly tugging her against him. "You did it. You really did it!"_

_"I know," she cried, and he could already feel the wetness of her tears on his neck. "I can't believe it's real."_

_"Of course it is. You're amazing. It's only obvious that everyone else has found out what I already knew." He littered her face with kisses, leaving her laughing in his arms. "This is amazing."_

_"Momma!" a little voice came from between them, causing him and Elena to immediately freeze. Had he just heard what he thought he did? "Momma!"_

_"Charlotte!" Elena squealed, ripping her from his arms and holding her high in the air. "Say it again! Say it again!"_

_"Momma," Charlotte giggled, her feet kicking happily in the air._

_"Damon, she did it! She said my name!"_

_Odds were he would probably look back not be proud of what he said, but it didn't stop him. "Oh, come on!" he screamed. "I've been begging you to say my name for an hour. She comes in the door and you just start blurting hers out? I offered you Dumbo!"_

_Elena lowered Charlotte to her hip, and pinned him with a stern gaze. "Did you try to bribe our child?"_

_"No!" he said indignantly. "I was merely trying to show her who the better parent was."_

_"Well, babe looks like you lost." She gleefully snuggled her face into Charlotte's neck. "Who's my baby girl? You are!"_

_He happily watched Elena snuggle up with their daughter, showering her with love and kisses that left her shrieking in joy. He may talk a big game, but at the end of the day, he didn't care that she'd said Momma first. It would have been nice to have the bragging rights, but he'd live. What he did care about was seeing the look of pure joy on his wife's face._

_"I am so proud of you." She paused and looked up at him, her brown eyes shining with tears. "You deserve this, and I couldn't be happier."_

_"Really?" she whispered. "Even if she didn't say your name first?"_

_"Oh, who cares?" He gripped her waist, so he could tug her against him once again. "She was excited, just like I am."_

_"I can't believe this is happening."_

_"You better, because you earned it all. It's a great book, and I'm happy that so many people have realized it. I always knew you had it in you. All it took was you to find it."_

_She lovingly caressed his cheek with her hand. "I couldn't have done it without you."_

_"Yeah, you could've. Maybe I helped, but you didn't need me."_

_With a small sigh, she pressed her forehead against his, and he allowed his eyes to fall closed, reveling in the comfort of her touch. "I always need you."_

Elena couldn't keep the smile from her face as she looked at her husband with their daughter curled up in his arms, happily asleep with her head on his chest. It amazed her that amidst all the talk and chaos that a room full of Salvatores could inspire, she still managed to be passed out cold, even though she had a bowl of ice cream an hour before. Maybe the short nap had done them some good after all. That, or her daughter was just as comforted by Damon's arms as she was.

It was sometimes hard to believe how she could have the worst day in the world, but the moment she found herself in his arms, every bad moment ceased to exist. He held the key to so many things in her life, and the ability to make her feel totally and completely safe and loved was merely one of them. Many thought he was a proud, self-centered man, but she knew different. No one was quicker to praise her than he was, no matter how hard she might try to get him to keep his mouth shut. Sometimes she even wondered if he was the reason she'd made the New York Times Bestsellers list. She wouldn't put it past him to buy thousands of copies. Yes, she knew it wasn't true, but he would do it if anyone ever gave him the idea. He was just that supportive of her, and she didn't know what she'd do without it. He gave her confidence when she couldn't find enough inside of her. Though he might not realize it, so much of what she'd accomplished had been because she'd had him.

Namely, their daughter.

Nothing could make her heart melt quicker than seeing them in moments like this, and none of it would be possible without him. He'd always been skeptical that he'd make a good father because of his rough childhood, but she'd always known otherwise. From the moment Charlotte drew her first breath, he'd been the best father that any child could ever have. That little girl was his world. Every fear he'd ever had had all been for nothing. He loved her and cared for her in every way any mother could ever want for her child. There was nothing he wouldn't do for that girl in his arms, and it was a beautiful love to be witness to.

It was a big reason why she wanted another one. She was nervous, and hadn't been responding to the possibility of it quite the way he had been, but that was how they worked. They seemed to approach everything differently, and this was no different. While she wasn't resistant to the idea, she was nervous, simply because she'd realized how much she did want it. One thing she'd come to know in her life was that wanting something so much could lead to a lot of pain.

Having Charlotte had quieted those doubts more than she'd ever know how to explain, but they still crept up from time to time. Right now was one of them. She'd get over it soon enough, she knew. It was simply the unknown that was scaring her and keeping her stuck in one place. That was why she needed Damon. Where she would want to dig her feet in and play pretend for awhile longer, he'd be next to her to pull her forward. He believed there was no point in being upset about something if you didn't even know if you had a reason to. And it was because of that belief, that she would finally take that test tonight. They just had to get their daughter to bed first.

"I know it's a little early," she started once there was a moment of silence in the group, "But I think we better get our little runt up to bed and turn in for the night."

"You two go to bed earlier than me," Giuseppe joked. "That feels backwards."

Elena smiled at her father-in-law warmly. All of the tension that had once been between them years ago was now gone. It took her a long time to trust him, but he'd made it easy in the end. All she had to do was see him love her daughter to know he was okay in her book.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Damon griped as he tried to stand up without disturbing Charlotte. If there was one thing she and he both knew it was that no one wanted to wake a sleeping Charlotte. It would get bad – Exorcist bad. Like the pro he was though, he managed to make the move into the upright position without stirring her in the slightest, and Elena sighed, knowing they were that much closer to the home stretch.

"Night guys," she said quietly, following Damon out of the living room. She nervously watched him ascend the stairs, keeping an eye on her daughter's head on his shoulder the entire time, watching for even the slightest indication that she might wake up. Luck was on their side tonight though, because he made it all into her room without a peep. "I'll roll the covers down," she told him, jumping ahead of him to get the bed ready. "I changed her diaper after dinner, so she should be good."

They got her safely tucked in and quietly left the room, giving each other a high five once the door was shut. "Ten points for being awesome parents."

She laughed as he followed her into their bedroom across the hall from Charlotte's. "We could be spies with our stealth moves."

"Ooh, like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I like it."

She turned around and playfully slapped his chest. "I'd rather you not try to kill me."

"But it ended in really hot sex. I'm a fan of really hot sex." He pulled her into his body and nuzzled his face into her neck. "Want to have some?"

"Isn't that what got us into the situation you think we're in?" she questioned. Before she could even begin to relax into his arms, he was gone, leaving her cold and alone in the middle of the bedroom. "What the hell, Damon?"

"I almost forgot!" She watched him dig around in his suitcase until he finally pulled out a rectangular box and hold it up victoriously. "You said you'd take a test."

Her eyes narrowed in mock indignation as he came toward her, the box extended in her direction. "You are crazy." She held her hand out for the tests. "Give me."

He happily handed the box over and she disappeared into the bathroom to take the test. It all felt like a giant case of déjà vu. Several years ago, she'd confessed to Damon she thought she was pregnant, prompting him to go out and buy pregnancy tests for her to take. She'd locked herself in the bathroom for ages, scared to come out after she saw that positive test result.

She'd been petrified of what it all meant and what would come next. She hadn't been ready for motherhood at that point in her life, and she and Damon were nowhere close to being able to easily co-parent together. They were just learning how to navigate the muddy relationship they had found themselves in. She'd had no idea how to fit a child into that at the time. It took her weeks to even begin to get on board with the idea of having a baby. By the time she had, she lost it, and then she was lost in a whole other world of doubts and frustrations.

This time, things were nothing like that. Now they had a real, breathing embodiment of their love in their precious daughter. She and Damon were married, and had been for three years. They were solid and more in love than ever. In the end, all of the pain and anguish had been worth it, because they came through it and had everything they'd ever wanted. They had their family and a life that they loved. This time, even if the pregnancy would be unexpected, there were no outside forces they had to deal with. It wasn't something she felt she wasn't ready for. She had the proof that she could do it and that she would love doing it.

So when she came out of the bathroom, nervously twisting her hands in front of her and looked at her anxious husband sitting on the edge of the bed, she simply smiled. "Three minutes and we'll have our answer."

Damon looked up from the rug and asked, "Do you remember when we first brought Charlotte home from the hospital? She cried for days, and I honestly thought we'd signed ourselves up for so much more than we could handle." She silently nodded, remembering that time well. "Yet, here we are, ready to do it all again."

She laughed quietly and sat down next to him on the bed, resting her head on his shoulder. "I think she was trying to show us who was running the show before we got too comfortable." Because after that first week of hell, she'd flipped on a dime, sleeping for hours, suddenly the most adjusted newborn ever.

"She's a girl who knows what she wants and when she wants it."

"I have no idea where she could possibly get that from," Elena teased softly.

"It couldn't be me," he laughed. "I'm the most patient, laid back man you've ever met."

"And I have no issues with dealing with problems as they happen."

Damon's arms slid around her waist. "We made a pretty awesome little girl."

"Think lightning can strike twice?" she pondered.

"I think it gives us a second shot if we screw her up. We've got 50/50 odds of having one child transition successfully into adulthood."

"I guess you have a point," she joked lightly, but her laughter quickly died down along with Damon's. The moment grew serious and heavy with the information they could very well learn in just a few moments. "You really want this?"

"I do. I want another baby with you. I want to do the whole morning sickness, mood swings, late-night feedings, and vomiting all over me again."

"Ditto."

Damon looked at the clock on the bedside table. "It's time. Ready to go look?"

"Yeah, let's do this." She went into the bathroom to retrieve the test and carry it back into the bedroom. "Moment of truth." Her heart pounded loudly in her chest and her hands were shaky as she turned over the test to reveal the answer. This would tell them whether they would go on continuing their life as the parents to one, adorable little girl, or whether they now needed to prepare for another child.

"And?" Damon asked. "What does it say?"

Elena held up the test for him to see. "I'm pregnant."

"Really?" Damon lunged for, grabbing for the test so he could see for himself. "Holy shit! We're having a baby."

"Yeah," she happily nodded her head, tears springing to her eyes, "We're having a baby."

Damon took her in his arms, lifting her from the ground and spinning her around. "And I'm not drunk!"

Elena burst into laughter. "You're not drunk."

"Man, am I good at knocking you up."

"Damon," she squealed. "You can't say that."

He roughly set her down on her feet, leaving her off-balance and gripping to him as she waited for her world to go right side up again. "It's true. This is the third time I have gotten you pregnant with little to no effort. I rock!"

"I cannot believe you are turning this into a show of your manhood. Have you ever thought that maybe I just have really awesome eggs? I could be the amazing one in this equation."

"We'll half it, it's both of us," he conceded.

"Really?" she gasped. "It takes two to make a baby?"

"Oh, come here, smart ass." He grabbed her neck and brought his mouth to hers, leaving her breathless as his hands skimmed down her body and below her shirt, blazing a trail over her bare skin. Every inch of her was flush against him, but she ached for more. She always ached for more.

"I'll never be able to get enough of you," she murmured against his mouth.

"Good, cause I'm not ever letting you go. You consume every part of me."


End file.
